Archive of Our Own

There was a dull ache in Barnaby’s chest.

It existed for as long as he could remember. Even before his family was swept away in gunshots and flames.

Whenever he thought he had a life event that could cure it, it would always find a way to reappear. It throbbed unanswered and unnamed.

It would accompany him on the nights that he didn’t fall asleep before Kotetsu, tangled up in his limbs and staring at the harsh red light of their alarm clock. As he watched the minutes add up on the face of the clock, he felt like he could always almost figure out what it was, but never did.

He felt incomplete.

That was inevitable, especially after losing his parents so young, discovering that their murder was covered up through elaborate mind manipulation, and never quite letting anyone in for two decades of his life.

But at the same time, all he had to do was look down and see the strong pair of tan arms tightly wrapped around him. He had to think about the coworkers he had recently gotten closer to. Maybe even await the random weekends that an excitable preteen came to visit, causing an upheaval that always resulted in him discovering a new part of the city, because with a flip of her hair and a pout on her lips, Barnaby felt an overwhelming need to partner with her father in giving her anything she ever wanted.

And yet, the minutes on the clock continued to add up.

 

*

Once the incident with Maverick was resolved and Aunt Samantha’s estate was deciphered, her lawyers gave Barnaby an old box with his name on it. When he asked what it was, they didn’t say, and he hid it away in a closet, knowing his head wasn’t able to quite handle it.

However, Kotetsu, lovable, headstrong, and nosey Kotetsu, barreled through the same closet one day, trying to fit in some of the things he brought when moving in, and asked him what it was.

All Barnaby could tell him was that he didn’t really know what it was, other than that it was his Aunt Samantha’s.

Kotetsu’s face became hardened. “I can put it back,” he told him, “I entirely understand…”

“I think I’m ready to open it,” he confessed.

Kotetsu nodded slowly and announced that he would get some tea for them to drink as they went through the box.

Ultimately, its contents were heartfelt. They were a few scrapbooks, some of which incomplete, from various points of his life. There were photographs, newspaper articles, even a few pieces of paper that were just scribbles made with markers. Everything was labeled carefully by hand. Barnaby felt his eyes well up at times, but kept going through the relics, leaning on Kotetsu when it became too overwhelming for him.

“Hey, look at this one, Bunny,” Kotetsu said, pulling out a piece of construction paper from the pile. He began to laugh as he checked the name on the back. “Oh, this one’s a little different…” He began to comb through the bottom pieces of paper that did not appear to have any part in a scrapbook. “Oh… wait a second…” Kotetsu muttered, lifting more pieces of paper out of the box. “O-oh.”

Barnaby spread them out across the coffee table and gasped. There were pictures upon pictures of what he assumed were self portraits, all of which depicting himself in various feminine outfits. It seemed that up until he was around four years old he was drawing himself in dresses, with tiaras, a few times wearing what he could only determine as high heels. His hair varied in length, but was typically styled with long, blond curls. Kotetsu flipped over several of them to show how Aunt Samantha labeled them. Each one read Barnaby Brooks Jr. Emily Brooks.

“I… didn’t know this about you,” Kotetsu noted, “It’s kind of cute!” His hands began to grope the air for something to talk about. “You know, Kaede drew herself riding horses a lot of the time around that age. She became totally obsessed with horses! There was this picture—I wonder if my mom still has it—where she drew herself, me, and Tomoe as horses…”

Barnaby felt the ache in his chest hurtle through the rest of his body. He tried to sit on his hands to hide how much they were shaking and he forced himself to smile at Kotetsu. “I don’t even remember doing this!” he exclaimed, “I guess it was just one of those phases…”

*

After Kotetsu’s stilted banter about some of Kaede’s strange artistic phases depicting her and others as barnyard animals, Barnaby pushed him out of the room and tried to put the items back in the box. He was able to put everything away, except for one drawing. It was one of himself with a pink dress as well as a sword. Next to the picture was a quote transcribed by Aunt Samantha that read “Emily is part princess, part knight. She protects her kingdom as well as is a princess for it. She also helps the king and queen make robots in their royal lab, too.”

Upon further inspection, he realized that the princess self portraits ended at around the same time that his parents were murdered. Judging by Aunt Samantha’s careful archiving, he most likely didn’t take up drawing again after his parents died. He couldn’t tell by the pictures if he would ever be any good at it. Maybe he would have at least ended up around the same talent level as Kaede, who always made a point to doodle around the edges of the notes she would leave as a thank you for spending the weekend with them.

But it still didn’t explain how he was insistent in drawing himself as a princess, as well as the insistence that Aunt Samantha change the name on the pictures about it.

Barnaby attempted to sneak into his bedroom to tuck the picture away, but Kotetsu caught him and grabbed his wrist.

“Just so you know, I think it’s pretty cute,” Kotetsu told him, “You’re kind of a princess now.” He jokingly kissed him loudly on the cheek, “I’m pretty sure I was too busy playing in mud or getting into trouble to spend my time drawing like that.” He took the picture from him and propped it up on the dresser. “Plus, you have something nice to show off what you did as a kid. I just have stories about my parents yelling at me.”

Barnaby smoothed a corner of the picture and smirked. “I guess we’re a little different, right?”

“Of course!” he exclaimed, “That’s why we work so well!” He grabbed Barnaby’s hand and pulled him toward the bed. “I know I shouldn’t be talking about this, but you remind me so much of Tomoe sometimes. It’s really freaky, actually. I mean, you are different. Of course you are, I mean, you’re a guy. But there’s a lot of similarities, too.”

Barnaby kissed him before he had to listen to Kotetsu’s Venn Diagram of similarities between him and his dead wife.

*

That night, Barnaby found himself still staring at the red numbers of the clock that night, his skin against Kotetsu’s after ending the evening with Kotetsu having carefree, giggly sex. Barnaby went along with it, hoping that it would solve the ache in his chest.

It didn’t.

The few hours of sleep he did get were full of disjointed dreams in which he was a child again, brushing longer, blond hair in the mirror. By the time he woke up, the dreams were too muddled and distant for him to decipher what had happened in them. Their call bands went off while they were still in bed and Barnaby felt like he was running on a seven second delay the entire chase and capture of the criminal.

“Did you get any sleep last night?” Kotetsu asked as they returned to their apartment.

Barnaby just rubbed his eyes and shrugged. “Maybe a few hours,” he was able to mumble, throwing himself onto the couch.

Kotetsu sighed and curled up with him. “Bunny… why didn’t you tell me? I would have taken that guy out on my own!”

“You basically did,” Barnaby said, wiggling around to allow Kotetsu to wrap his arms around him and squeeze him closer. “Besides, it’s not like I haven’t had sleep issues before…”

“I know, but you usually have enough to do your job! Let me know when that happens again, okay?” Kotetsu left a smattering of kisses on his neck for emphasis.

Barnaby nodded, even though it seemed quite impractical. What could he do to make him sleep better? It was obvious that even with him around, he was still hurting to some degree. He shouldn’t worry, even though he most likely would. Because that was just how Kotetsu operated.

Eventually, Barnaby’s eyelids were heavy enough to close and he successfully fell asleep. His dreams were lined with lace and red ribbons. He still couldn’t recall the details when he woke up, but he remembered feeling a little less broken.

*

When Barnaby and Kotetsu went to the gym the next day, Barnaby realized that the best person to consult about his confusion was Nathan. He constantly alternated between spending time with men and women, and calling himself a man or a woman in the process. Maybe he could connect everything for Barnaby. This resulted in him spending most of his work out trying to decide how he could possibly bring up this subject to Nathan, as well as how he could talk to Nathan without Kotetsu finding out.

Eventually, Kotetsu disappeared into the locker room with Antonio and Barnaby promptly jumped off of the machine he was working on to approach Nathan. Nathan looked up from his conversation with Karina and smiled at him. “My, if it isn’t Handsome!” he cooed. Karina briefly narrowed her eyes and shut them to smile. “Hello, Barnaby,” she greeted.

Barnaby gulped, pulling nervously at the collar of his shirt. “Uh, can I talk with you Nathan?” he asked, “Like… maybe when you’re done here?”

Nathan grinned. “Of course! Let me wash off! Is this a lunch date, or should we go to my place? Maybe yours?” He seamlessly boxed Karina out and put his hand on Barnaby’s shoulder. “Is this about Tiger?”

“Actually, it’s about me,” Barnaby whispered, “Not in a relationship way, though.”

Nathan sighed. “Thank goodness. How about you come to my apartment? It’ll be more private there.”

“Sounds good. Thank you.” This didn’t concern Kotetsu. How could it concern Kotetsu? It wasn’t like he had any experience in questioning large portions of his life. Well, he probably did, but not in this way.

Barnaby returned to the locker room and awkwardly handed over his car keys to Kotetsu. “So… I’m going to Nathan’s, actually. After this,” he said, closing Kotetsu’s hands over them.

“Really? Am I invited?” Kotetsu asked, “I haven’t had time to chat with him for a while!”

“No… actually. We are trying to… I have some questions about… endorsements. I have a new contract I want him to look at.”

Kotetsu glared. “You have a lot of experience with those.” Eventually, a smile returned to his face. “Well, hope you figure it out!” He turned to Antonio. “Hey, you wanna grab lunch after this?”

Antonio shrugged. “I mean, sure. Sounds good.”

Kotetsu turned to Barnaby again and kissed Barnaby’s forehead. “Will you be back for dinner?”

“Yeah, I don’t foresee this taking more than two hours or so…”

“Excellent. I’ll see you then!”

*

Nathan’s apartment has been altered since the last time Barnaby was in it. The benefits of having a successful company meant that he could rework his space to whatever the trend was in regards toward interior design. It also helped that he didn’t have a significant other that bemoaned about change and kicked and screamed his way through having to keep his Mr. Legend memorabilia collection to one room in their apartment.

“Do you like it?” Nathan asked, crossing his ankles as he sat on a plush chair, “I made the color choices myself.”

Barnaby nodded. “It’s very nice. I would remodel to do something like this, but Kotetsu would probably not be on board…”

“He’s the sweetest man, but he does not understand trends for the life of him!” Nathan exclaimed. “Oh, I’m so sorry for my rudeness. Would you like anything to drink?”

“Water is fine,” Barnaby replied.

“I’ll be right back!” Nathan got up and walked over to the kitchen area. “Don’t get me wrong, Handsome, I adore Kotetsu. But he is due for an overhaul. You should just give all his clothes to me and I’ll take care of them.” He reappeared in the doorway with several flames forming over his pointer finger.

“His problem is that he’s too sentimental,” Barnaby confessed. What he didn’t add was that the longer he lived with him, the clutter was becoming more and more endearing.

Nathan returned with a glass of wine for himself and a glass of water for Barnaby. He put them over coasters and sat back on his chair. “But what’s going on with you?” he asked, “You said it yourself that you wanted to talk to me about something that wasn’t about him.”

Barnaby took a gulp of water and leaned back on the couch. “What do you identify as?”

Nathan’s eyes widened. “Uh, I thought this was about you.”

“Just… this is related. I promise. You don’t have to answer. This was kind of rude, uh…”

“Are we talking who I sleep with?”

“No… I was thinking… your gender.”

Nathan laughed. “Professionally, I’m a man. But I think you can tell by now that I’m not really a big fan of identifying like that.” He swirled the wine in his glass and took a sip. “I’m fairly neutral, personally. But… not many people know that you can identify as such, so I just stick with the he pronouns.”

Barnaby looked up at the ceiling and groaned. “Now I’m even more confused.”

Nathan put his wine glass down so he could use his hands. “Okay. Look at me. Follow my hands. Let’s work with gender as a scale here. We got man on one side. Let’s have… I don’t know… Antonio on that side. As an example. I think we can agree that out of the people we work with, he’s pretty masculine, yeah?”

Barnaby nodded, imitating Nathan’s hand motions. “Okay. So Antonio’s on that end.”

“And we got the other side. The woman side. Definitely put Karina on this side. She’s definitely feminine.”

“Okay. Karina. That side.”

Nathan put his hands on his lap and said, “All right, we got this nice spectrum going on. And we can put other people at various points in-between. Kotetsu’s pretty secure on the man side. Keith’s there, too. We can put Ivan somewhere closer to the middle, but he’s certainly still a man. We’ll put Pao-Lin pretty close the middle, too, but still toward the woman end. She’s still young, she’s figuring things out…”

Barnaby stared at the space between his hands and imagined their colleagues standing there. Nowhere could he focus a space for himself to stand. “And where are you?” Barnaby asked.

Nathan reached over and put his finger in the center of the space that his hands created. “I’m the one in the middle, taking what I like from both sides.” He smiled. “It took me awhile to get to this level with myself, but I’m really happy. It’s not very common. I know keeping my name Nathan will always peg me more toward the man’s side, but I don’t mind. It makes things less complicated.” He lifted his finger and said, “But people don’t usually ask me about this, unless they are questioning themselves. Are you having a problem finding a place for yourself in here?”

Barnaby finally curled his hands into fists. “I found a bunch of pictures I drew when I was little. I always made myself look like a girl,” he confessed, “I went by my mother’s name in them and everything.”

Nathan slowly nodded.

Barnaby waited for him to respond, until he realized that he was still giving him the space to speak. “I thought that I had everything I could ever want… at least, as much as I can have… at this point. I’m free from Maverick’s control. I have Kotetsu, you, all of the heroes as my friends. Sure, I’m in the second league, but Kotetsu certainly finds a way to keep that exciting. And yet… I still feel a little off. I wasn’t really sure what it was. I think it might be because I can’t figure myself out…”

Nathan moved from his chair to the couch and put his hand on Barnaby’s shoulder. “I’m pretty sure you haven’t had the time to really question any of this stuff, until this point, Handso-Barnaby.” Nathan smiled weakly as he repeated his name. “Barnaby. I think you are being given the chance to figure yourself out. You should probably do some research. I can maybe recommend some books.”

Barnaby finally stopped balling his fists. Research was less scary. He had spent so much of his life doing that to decipher information about Ouroboros. He could research deeply personal information once. He could do it again.

“What am I going to tell Kotetsu?” Barnaby whispered.

Nathan brought his hand to his forehead and gently massaged with his fingers. “You don’t have to tell him anything right now.” He took his other hand and wrapped it around Barnaby’s. “But please keep me updated on this. Okay? Like I said, I have plenty of recommendations to give you. I’ve been in your place multiple times before. I’d rather you not go through this alone.”

Barnaby gripped back on Nathan’s hand, afraid to say anything else.

*

When Barnaby walked to the door of his apartment, he heard two different voices chattering. One was the lower tones of Kotetsu’s voice, the others a higher one. Kaede must have dropped by. He leaned his head against the door and smiled. While it was unannounced, it could have been exactly what he needed to sneak some of the books that Nathan leant him away and maybe even disappear to read.

He opened the door and flicked a smile on. He heard Kaede’s voice say, “Oh! Is that Barnaby?” and she scrambled over to dramatically hug him. Barnaby almost dropped the bag and leaned against the wall to stabilize himself. He hugged her back and waited for her to back off before he said, “Hey, Kaede. Are you visiting for the weekend?”

“Uh huh!” she said, “Dad said you two weren’t up to anything. So I was kind of hoping that we could go ice skating together, maybe? You still haven’t gone with Dad and me!”

Barnaby put up his hand. “One second, Kaede, let me put something away. Then we can plan…”

Kaede nodded, disappearing to the kitchen again.

Barnaby brought the canvas bag to his bedroom and shoved it into a far corner of his nightstand. He wasn’t even ready to read the titles of most of the books at that point. He knew that Nathan meant well and wanted to see him happy. He was absolutely appreciative of that fact and was glad that he had successfully surrounded himself with so many people that just wanted him to be content. At the same time, he felt that so many parts of his life were complete now. He didn’t want to risk losing it, because he questioned certain details about himself.

He entered the kitchen and found himself being smacked with the scent of tomato sauce.

“Hey, Bunny!” Kotetsu exclaimed, “We’re trying to make Italian food!”

“You can help us by getting some water boiled for the spaghetti,” Kaede added.

Barnaby grabbed a pot from the pantry and began to fill it. He wasn’t entirely sure what to expect from the meal. Kotetsu was a surprisingly good cook, even if he got into certain food trends and refused to make different things at times. Kaede’s arrival always meant that she was full of recipes and ideas that he was willing to test out.

“How was Nathan?” Kotetsu asked as he walked past him.

Barnaby jerked his head toward him and said, “Oh, he’s doing well. He says hi.”

“You figure out the business jargon?”

“Huh?” Oh, right. He was forgetting his own cover story. “Yes. Yes, I think it’s going to be fine.” He turned back to the stove and shut his eyes for a brief moment. It was the first time he really lied to Kotetsu. If anything, Kotetsu was the one that always managed to lie in their relationship. But Nathan said that this wasn’t his concern and he was going to make sure it stayed that way.

Kotetsu rubbed his shoulder and grinned. “You better invite me next time!” he reminded him.

Barnaby grabbed Kotetsu’s hand and squeezed it. He stopped wearing his wedding ring on his finger recently. He had since put it on a chain and wore it underneath his shirt. Sometimes Barnaby would make sure to grip the now naked ring finger, sometimes even checking to see how the tan line was fading into the rest of his skin.

“You all right, Bunny?” Kotetsu asked. He placed his other hand on Barnaby’s forehead to check his temperature. “Hm, no fever…”

“I’m fine,” Barnaby said, the response coming out very slow to make sure he didn’t stutter. “I think I’m still a little messed up, because of my sleep schedule.”

Kotetsu tilted his head. “I thought you slept better last night?”

Barnaby looked away. “It takes more than a night to get all that straightened out.”

Kotetsu smiled. “I guess you’re right.” He let go of Barnaby and checked up on Kaede.

Barnaby went into the pantry and grabbed a box of spaghetti. He thought about the spectrum Nathan explained to him. He could see Kotetsu again, standing contently near Antonio. He probably expected Barnaby to be right next to him, too. He recalled the conversations they would have right before they dated. The ones that would make Kotetsu spin the ring around his finger and as he confessed that he was pretty sure he liked men and women, but he never really willed himself to date since Tomoe to find out for sure. It turned out that the only confirmation that he really needed was Barnaby’s lips against his after he was sick of listening to Kotetsu speculate if he could be interested in a man, as opposed to actively pursuing one.

But even if Barnaby decided that he wasn’t comfortable standing next to Kotetsu on that spectrum, how far would Barnaby be able to end up before Kotetsu questioned their relationship or found the situation too difficult to handle? There had to be a moment in which Kotetsu was fed up. He had more than enough issues to deal with. He gladly handled so many of Barnaby’s, how, he wasn’t entirely sure. But those situations were from external forces. They were things that Kotetsu was able to focus any of his frustrations at, as opposed to blaming Barnaby for them.

He backed away from the stove. “Uh, can someone take care of this?” Barnaby asked, “I just remembered that I had to… do something…” He nearly tossed the box to Kotetsu and marched out of the kitchen. He heard Kotetsu try to run over, but Kaede seemed to be able to block him. “Can you leave him alone for five seconds?” she asked.

Barnaby went to the bedroom and locked the door behind him. He walked over to the drawing. “What was I thinking?” he hissed, “Why can’t I figure this out!” He rubbed his face and resisted making groaning noises.

He heard someone knocking on the door. It was loud. Must have been Kotetsu.

“Hey, Bunny, can I come in?” he asked.

Barnaby looked back at the drawing and then made his way to the door and unlocked it. He opened it and saw Kotetsu with a bowl of spaghetti. “We assumed you wanted to lie down, but I wanted to get you some food so you can eat it.” He passed the bowl over to Barnaby. “Unless you want to join us. You’re absolutely welcome to!”

Barnaby took the bowl and smiled. “I think I’m going to stay in here. Is that okay?”

“Absolutely! Kaede and I will probably just watch a movie or something. But, in all seriousness, do you need to talk?”

Barnaby shook his head. “Trust me, I would let you know,” he lied. For some reason, it was getting a little easier every time he did that.

“Well, feel better!” Kotetsu abruptly shut the door and disappeared.

Barnaby returned to the bed and grabbed the canvas bag from his nightstand. He carefully pulled out one of the books. He leaned back on the bed and pushed his hair back. When it fell back in his face he let out a sigh. He fumbled for a hair tie on his nightstand, but he couldn’t find any. When he reached over to Kotetsu’s side, he noticed several brightly colored hair clips across it. Kaede was changing her hair style. She had bangs now that were not long enough to be braided and tucked away anymore. Kotetsu decided to take her clips and wore them when he wanted his hair out of his face. Barnaby grabbed a bright pink one with a rabbit on the side of it. He pushed his hair back and clipped it.

He grabbed the book and read the cover. It was a memoir written by a transgender woman. He got to the title page and tilted his head. Nathan was probably just giving him a wide spectrum of ideas. Just because he was reading about a transgender woman, didn’t mean that he was one.

He created a work station with the book on the bed and the bowl of food in his hands. He tried to balance eating without getting it on the book or the bedspread, realizing that it was a bad habit that Kotetsu encouraged. He only got a few paragraphs in when his hand wandered back to the clip and began to futz around with it. After rearranging his hair several times, he decided to get up and use the mirror as a reference.

He removed the clip from his hair and finger brushed it. He grabbed pieces of his bangs and pushed them to the side, clipping them in place. He tapped the clip and smiled. He was probably due to change his hair, as well. He could easily grow out his bangs and maybe think about wearing accessories. Maybe this whole crisis was just that he needed to make a change in his life. Hair was a good start.

He looked at his work station, particularly the book opened up on the bed. He could get headbands. Maybe some clips of his own that were a little less bright. Maybe Kaede could help him and it could be a bonding experience.

He took the book and put it back in the canvas bag. He could just hang onto the books a little longer and then tell Nathan that they helped and that he appreciated the support, even if he was happy with who he was. He imagined himself standing contently next to Kotetsu on the spectrum as he grabbed his bowl and left the room, wondering if there was a change of still catching Kotetsu and Kaede at the dinner table.

*

It took Barnaby eating his entire dinner, as well as Kotetsu setting up the TV for a movie for him to notice Barnaby’s hair. He patted the pushed back part of his bangs and said, “Huh. It looks different. I like it. I also really like that you’re using the bunny clip!”

“Hey, isn’t that mine?!” Kaede exclaimed, inspecting Barnaby’s hair. “That’s totally mine!”

“I took them when you said you didn’t want them, remember?” Kotetsu reminded her.

“I didn’t think you’d actually keep them…”

“They come in handy when my bangs get too long!”

Barnaby barely had a chance to figure out how to phrase what he wanted to say before he blurted out, “Kaede, can you help me find some more of these?”

“You want more hair accessories?” she asked.

“Yeah. Just… with less…”

“Rabbits on them?”

“Yes, exactly.”

Kaede grinned. “I’d love to be able to help you! We can go get some tomorrow, after we go ice skating.”

“Oh, we’re doing that?” Barnaby asked.

Kotetsu grinned sheepishly. “Sorry, I should have run that by you, shouldn’t I?”

“I’m sure it will be fine,” he told them. “I look forward to it.”

It could be exactly what he needed to distract himself from his brief crisis.

*

Barnaby learned several things the next day. He learned that Kotetsu was more graceful on the ice than he ever really was on other surfaces. He also learned that with a little practice, he could possibly be quite mobile on ice himself. He also had the reconfirmation that Kaede was not only better at ice skating than either of them, but that she truly enjoyed it. She went backwards, sped up, stopped short, and spun around with ease. She even had the ability to teach Barnaby little tricks and made sure to stay at the same pace with her father and him for most of the excursion.

When they left the rink to remove their skates, Kaede contently sat in-between Kotetsu and Barnaby, happily proclaiming that both exceeded her expectations and that she was very happy that they wanted to go with her. Barnaby just smiled as Kotetsu jokingly batted at her ponytail and reminded her that she better do her homework at some point that weekend.

“Are we heading back home now?” Kotetsu asked.

“We need to go buy Barnaby some hair clips, remember?” Kaede asked.

Barnaby shrugged. “We don’t need to, it’s not dire…”

“We need to go!” Kaede exclaimed, “I’m not going to be able to come back out here for a few weekends.”

“All right, I guess just point out the store you think we should go to,” Kotetsu said, shrugging.

“Some people care about how they look, Dad. People like Barnaby and me,” Kaede said, dramatically flipping her hair.

*

When they returned from the store, Barnaby bolted into his room and locked the door. He spilled the contents on the bed and spread them out to inspect each of them.

Kaede tried to ask him for specifics as to what he wanted, but he found himself unable to put words to any. Most of the shopping trip consisted of Kaede grabbing random accessories, lifting them to his face, and waiting for him to nod yes or no in response. “Are you thinking about cutting your hair?” she asked at one point.

“I’m thinking of maybe growing it longer,” he confessed, “At least… grow out my bangs. Do you think that would look good?”

Kaede pushed his hair aside to inspect it. “Hm. Probably would work. You take care of your hair, so I’m not worried.”

By the end of it, he ended up with a black headband, a few basic clips in pink, red, black, and white, as well as a larger clip to pull his bangs back. He took the larger clip and fiddled around with it for awhile, until he successfully got most of his bangs back. He took the rest of the accessories and tucked them in a smaller drawer of his nightstand and returned to the main room, catching a piece of the conversation Kotetsu and Kaede were having.

“Your assignment is to interview people?” Kotetsu asked, staring at a piece of paper.

Kaede nodded. “My language arts teacher said that it’s a good skill to have,” she explained, “I already asked Grandma and Uncle Muramasa questions, and now I want to ask you and Barnaby some, too.”

“I mean, okay. I can definitely do that,” Kotetsu replied, noticing that Barnaby appeared. “Oh, hey!” he greeted, “Are you okay with Kaede asking you questions for her homework?”

Barnaby nodded. “I don’t see why not.”

Kaede grinned. “I’m going to get an A for sure! Can we do it now?”

“Ah, sure,” Barnaby replied.

Kaede waved her hand. “One second!” she squealed as she ran off into the guest bedroom. She retrieved a small video camera, waving it around. “Is it okay if I film you?” she asked.

“Of course it is. I’ve had experience.”

Kaede giggled, pulling out a chair. Barnaby sat down next to her and waited for her to set up her video camera. She hit record and said the date, time, and both of their names. Barnaby felt himself taken aback by how she could have such a professional voice at such a young age. She turned the camera to him and said, “Before we start, I would like to thank you so much for your time! I understand that you have quite a busy schedule.”

Barnaby gave her an interview-ready smirk and said, “You’re very welcome.”

“My first question is, what did you want to be when you grew up?”

Barnaby could hear Kotetsu snort, then try to cover it up by moving into the kitchen. The only thing he could grasp at was the drawing that he had just flipped over in his room. “…I wanted to be a knight.”

Kaede nodded. “Do you think you came pretty close to those aspirations?”

“…As close as I could without living in medieval times.”

“If you could talk to your childhood self, what would you say?”

Barnaby furrowed his eyebrows. “Did you write down these questions yourself?”

Kaede frowned. “Answer the question, sir!”

“You should probably have a few more lead-up questions before you get into that…”

Kaede pressed the stop button. “Dad said the same thing.” She dejectedly put the camera on the table.

Barnaby grabbed it and put it back into her hands. “It’s not your fault. We’ve just had more interview experience than most of the people your classmates will use for this project.”

Kaede pressed her lips together. “I guess you’re right.”

“Keep going, please?” It took awhile, but he finally found himself able to talk to Kaede without being scared of doing something wrong. It didn’t take long for him to care about her. He loved how she was just as headstrong as her father. He also loved how her interests varied from her father, particularly the ones pertaining to art and ice skating. He wasn’t sure what to refer to their relationship as. He was scared to consider it parenting. He knew it certainly was not that, but he was content with having her barge into his life periodically, full of ideas that weren’t always perfect, but were always interesting.

She hit record again and cleared her throat. “If you could talk to your childhood self, what would you say?” she repeated.

He had entirely forgotten the question. He knew that there was some sort of trick interview answer that he could go to. He could easily tell her about how his parents died and how times were hard, but he would tell his childhood self that it would be rough at times, but things would end up okay. Not perfect. But much better.

And yet all he could think about was his younger self, drawing princess-knights.

“I’d… probably tell them I’m sorry,” he admitted.

Kaede’s eyes widened. “Could you explain?”

Barnaby looked away from the camera and finally focused on a premade answer anyway. “I would tell myself that I’m sorry that I have made the future difficult at times, but it will all end up much better in the end. And that even when things got difficult, to never give up.”

Kaede smiled weakly. Of course she could find a premade answer from him. She was a fan. “That was a great answer. Thank you so much for your time, Mr. Brooks.”

He dramatically posed for the camera as she hit the stop button. She flitted off to upload the video onto her laptop and he sat back, still pondering the question. What would he tell Barnaby Brooks Jr., age four?

He winced when he realized that Barnaby Brooks Jr., age four, would most likely pout in his general direction and say, “My name’s not Barnaby, it’s Emily!” And she’d probably not allow him to even begin the speech he claimed he would tell her.

She’d most likely lift her nose in disgust and say, “So you’re a knight, but you’re not a princess?”

He sighed, taking off his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose. What would he possibly say to that? That he grew up? That life took a turn that she couldn’t foresee and that he had to abandon those fantasies?

“It’s not a fantasy! It’s who I really am!” she’d probably argue. Well, he wasn’t entirely sure what she would say verbally. His experience with four year olds was fairly limited. She would still find a way to be disappointed in him. “You can’t run away from being a princess! It’s a duty!”

Barnaby tried to catch the tears forming in his eyes and realized that he couldn’t recall when he started to cry.

He got up and announced to the apartment, “I think I’m going to go for a walk.”

He grabbed his jacket and left before anyone could respond.

*

Barnaby laid across a park bench, staring at the screen of his phone. He flipped it open and close periodically to check the time and see if he had gotten any messages. He heard the clicking of heels and shut his eyes when they got close. The noise stopped in front of him.

“I can’t sit down and console you if you take up the entire bench like this,” Nathan said flatly, placing his hand on Barnaby’s shoulder.

Barnaby finally opened his eyes and sat up straight. He slipped his cell phone into his pocket and willed himself to look up at Nathan as he sat down. Nathan pulled a pack of tissues from his pocket and took a tissue out to dab Barnaby’s eyes. “Can you tell me what’s going on?” he asked.

Barnaby took the tissue from him and balled it in his hands. “I’m sorry I called you.”

“I really don’t have a problem with my friends calling me when they need help. Especially if these friends are going through potentially life-changing realizations,” Nathan pointed out, “Completely unrelated, but I like this look you’ve got going on. Are you trying to grow out your bangs?”

Barnaby dropped his head down to his knees and stopped trying to stop himself from crying. When he felt a wail form in his throat, he didn’t stop it. He just covered his mouth and hoped that it was somewhat muffled.

Nathan’s eyes widened and he threw his arms around Barnaby’s shoulders. He pulled him close, whispering into his ear. “Let it out, honey,” he told him, taking his glasses off of his head. He folded them and placed them on his side. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

Barnaby felt the ache in his chest, in his limbs, radiating up and down his spine as his entire body shook with sobs. “…It’s not going to be okay,” he finally squeaked, burrowing his face into Nathan’s jacket, “I… I’m never going to be okay.”

Nathan shook his head. “That’s not true,” he told him, “You’ve had a short, rough life. But you made it. You are loved. You are so loved. You’re loved by me, by the rest of the heroes, by your ridiculous boyfriend, by his family… we will all make sure that you’re okay.”

“How am I supposed to tell him?!” Barnaby screamed, gripping Nathan’s jacket tighter.

“Who are you asking about?” Nathan asked. He pulled Barnaby away briefly and placed his hands on his cheeks. “I want to help you, but you’re going to have to tell me more about what is going on here.”

“…I’m unhappy,” Barnaby said.

“You’re allowed to feel that way.”

“I… I’ve always been unhappy.” He rubbed his nose on his sleeve and Nathan swatted his hand away. “Hold on. Let me give you the rest of my pack of tissues,” he told him, handing it over.

Barnaby gladly took it and pulled away from him to blow his nose. Nathan rubbed his shoulder. “Take a deep breath. Then go on when you’re ready.”

Two tissues and several deep breaths later, Barnaby whispered, “Remember how I told that I felt incomplete?”

“Yes. Have you read any of the books I gave you? Have they helped you at all?”

Barnaby smiled weakly. “I actually… refused to read them at first. I didn’t think I needed them. I thought… if I just changed my hair style, maybe I wouldn’t feel so incomplete. B-but…” He bit the inside of his lip and tangled the tissues between his fingers, “…Kaede made me do an interview project. She just went for a pretty serious question… uh… if you could talk to your childhood self… what would you tell them?”

“She’s not particularly interested in fluff answers, is she?” Nathan asked, trying to laugh. It came out a little too loud.

“No. No she isn’t. I mean, I gave her a premade answer. I’m sure she didn’t appreciate it, but I have done so many in my life recently…”

“I’m pretty sure I would have done the same thing, honey. I’m sure Kaede understands.”

“…I just realized how angry my childhood self would be at me right now.” He finally looked up at Nathan. “At least… the childhood self who wanted to be called Emily. She would be so angry that I wasn’t being honest with myself.” He dabbed his eyes with tissues and took a deep, shaky breath. “I think… I need to explore this part of me. I think it might be why I’m still unhappy. I think it’s never gone away, it just got forgotten about.” Barnaby knocked his head gently. “For all I know, Maverick had an idea that I felt this way and he just tried to make me forget about it.”

Nathan kissed his forehead. “I’m so proud of you,” he whispered into his ear, “I’m so proud of you for telling me this. You’re so amazing.”

Barnaby covered his face. “No I’m not. I forgot who I was.”

“I don’t think it’s that. I don’t think you forgot at all. I think you just didn’t have enough time until now to really explore yourself. Okay?” He gently shook Barnaby’s head. “You! Did! Not! For! Get! Got it?”

Barnaby finally felt a smile form on his lips that didn’t feel forced. “Don’t make me cry again, please…”

Nathan chuckled, pulling him into a close hug. “No guarantees… oh damn, I don’t know what to call you now.”

Barnaby gripped back and leaned his chin on Nathan’s shoulder. “…Emily,” he said, his voice nearly stumbling over each syllable, “I don’t think I feel okay with you calling me that outside of our conversations, but… Emily.”

Nathan grinned. “Emily Brooks. Your mother’s name with your mother’s good looks.”

Every part that ached was quickly replaced with warmth.

“But what do I tell Kotetsu?”

Nathan just hugged tighter.

*

“What do I do now?” Barnaby asked as he they walked to Nathan’s car.

“What do you mean, Emily?” Nathan asked.

Barnaby looked down, feeling his cheeks grow hot. From the bench to the parking lot, Nathan made a point to squeeze that name in at every point possible. He finally brought his eyes back up and said, “You never told me what I should do with Kotetsu.”

Nathan sighed, unlocking the car. He sat down in the driver’s seat and waited for Barnaby to join him in the passenger seat until he said, “You need to tell him.”

“But you said not to…”

“When you originally brought this up, I didn’t know you were a woman.”

Barnaby quickly stared out the window. “Keep that down, please?”

“No one can hear us here, Emily.”

“…I’m just not ready to… go there yet.”

Nathan nodded slowly. “I understand.” He cleared his throat. “You should tell Kotetsu what is going on when you’re ready. I don’t really feel comfortable forcing you into some kind of timeline.”

“Is it possible he could help me be okay with it?”

Nathan adjusted himself in his chair and started the car, “…I really don’t know how Kotetsu will react to this. I can tell you how I’ve seen people react to me coming out. I can tell you how I’ve seen people react to my friends who are transwomen react to it. But I just don’t know about him.”

“He was married to a woman before.”

“It’s not that simple, honey, and you know it.” He pulled out of the parking space and drove back to Barnaby’s apartment. “Besides, if you go with transitioning, who knows how either of you will feel at the end of it.”

“What do you mean?”

Nathan groaned. “This is why you should have read the books I gave you! You would have learned the terminology that way!” He winced and muttered, “I’m sorry I yelled at you like that. Transitioning just means that you’re taking necessary measures to become who you want to be. Changing your clothes, how you appear, maybe hormones, surgeries…”

Barnaby’s eyes widened.

“Did you really think admitting this makes everything magically work out for you? Sorry, honey, it’s not that simple. Even I had to transition. And trust me, I had pretty rough phases.” He giggled. “I think I’ll have to find some pictures to show you. Not to mention, you’re a high profile hero. So there will always be photos of you floating around.

Barnaby slowly felt himself sinking into his seat. He could already feel photography flashes blinding his eyes and red record buttons turning on when he was about to open his mouth. He felt a chill crawl down his back as he asked, “Can I take all of this back?”

Nathan pulled up to his apartment. “You could,” he confessed, “You could return the books, tell me to stop calling you Emily, and we will continue with our lives as if nothing happened. Kotetsu never knows how you feel and probably hangs onto some of those pictures you drew when you were little, because he’s a pack rat.”

“That sounds simple enough…”

“You’d think. And trust me, I tried that. With a lot of different steps in my life. But… and here’s the thing. I don’t come out formally to people. I really don’t care. People get in my face, asking me how a CEO of a major company can be gay, or trans, or whatever they assume I am. It’s not about them. It’s about me. And expressing myself how I want to.” He leaned back on his chair and looked up at the sunroof. “What they don’t realize is if I didn’t dress how I wanted, or expressed myself how I wanted… I know what the alternative is. It’s me being miserable, dressed in drab suits, crying every night, because I’m not being honest with myself. It’s feeling this tightness in my chest that refuses to go away, because I’m unhappy with where I’m going in life.”

Barnaby slipped his hand on his chest and tightened it on the buttons of his jacket.

“What I’m saying is… read the books I gave you. Do what feels comfortable for you. Maybe it’ll just be growing out your hair or having a cute little dress you like to wear when you’re home alone. Or maybe it’s as complicated as going on hormones and getting surgeries. Do what you need to in order to be happy about your life. Okay?” He unlocked the door. “Remember that I will always be here for you.” He hugged him tightly. “This is something I have quite a bit of experience in. All right?”

Barnaby hugged back. “Thank you, Nathan.” He pressed his forehead against his neck for a moment. “Uh, can I just ask one thing?”

“Anything.”

“Please keep calling me Emily when we’re in private?” he asked.

“I can certainly do that, honey.”

“Okay. Because… I feel good when you call me that.”

“I’m happy to hear that. Now get back into your apartment before Kotetsu starts worrying about you.”

*

Barnaby could only research in short bursts. He found time when he got Kotetsu to go food shopping without him. He found time when Kotetsu went to bed before him. He perfected reading a chapter or so when Kotetsu was taking a shower. He wrote definitions for terms that he was learning the meaning to and occasionally made structured notes about books that were the most relevant. His bangs were slowly growing out and he was figuring out how to style it. He even bought several pieces of clothes that were a little more feminine, including several pairs of underwear and some tops that he was able to pull off without anyone questioning it. He found himself eyeing some other pieces of clothing—dresses, heels, earrings, even though he didn’t have his ears pierced—but he knew he couldn’t hide them in his nightstand.

Kotetsu didn’t say anything. Barnaby couldn’t tell if that meant that he didn’t notice or that he didn’t want to bring anything up. The only issue that was occurring was that Barnaby avoided having sex whenever he was wearing his new underwear, which was happening more and more frequently.

“Are we okay?” Kotetsu finally asked after three months. It was late at night. He hung off of Barnaby tighter than he usually did, his cheek against his shoulder blade.

“Of course we’re okay. I’m so happy being with you.” It wasn’t a lie.

“Okay…” His voice broke the slightest bit and Barnaby felt his stomach drop.

“Wh-what’s wrong, Kotetsu? What makes you think that we’re not okay?”

“We haven’t been really… intimate… very much the past few months. I’ve been trying really hard to respect you when you say no. But it’s been kind of hard to.”

Barnaby wanted to turn around and look him in the eye. But whenever he tried to turn his body, Kotetsu just gripped tighter from behind.

“I understand. But my reasons for saying no have been nothing to do with you. I’m just kind of having issues with… my body… recently.” That wasn’t a lie, either.

“Is that why you were changing your hair and your clothes?” So he did notice. Of course he did. In typical Kotetsu fashion, he decided to not say anything unless Barnaby did. “What kind of issues? I hope you know that I love your body…”

“I know you do. Thank you.” He attempted to turn around again and grabbed at Kotetsu’s arms. “Will you please let go so I can look at you?”

Kotetsu slowly let go and Barnaby twisted his body around to see Kotetsu’s face. The lights of the city briefly caught against Kotetsu’s eyes and Barnaby realized that they were glassy with tears. He gasped. “Oh, Kotetsu…” he whispered, kissing him.

“I was hoping you wouldn’t have to see that,” Kotetsu murmured, kissing him back, “I just love you so much. Does the hair and clothes help at all?”

“Yeah. Yeah they do.” He thought about how that would be a great time to come out. He wished he could just tell him about all the research he did the past few months, the conversations he had with Nathan, the fact that he wanted to hear Kotetsu call him by his chosen name, even though he would most likely go back to calling him Bunny a sentence later. But he wasn’t ready yet.

“Can we?...” Kotetsu started.

“Of course!” Barnaby said, leaning in for another kiss.

When Kotetsu slipped his hand down Barnaby’s pants, he nearly pulled away. Instead, he concentrated on trailing his lips down Kotetsu’s cheek toward his neck.

*

Kotetsu fell asleep, taking up as much of the bed as possible. He made content noises as he fell asleep, all four of his limbs touching Barnaby in some way. Barnaby stared at the clock, the red numbers greeting him with an easiness that he found himself uncomfortable with. He grabbed as much of the blankets as possible, wrapping them around his body tightly. He made sure that his motions were small enough that he wouldn’t’ disturb Kotetsu. He eventually threw the blankets over his head.

He took deep, shaky breaths, talking himself out of waking up Kotetsu to talk to him. Even then, what could he say?

He punched the pillow a little too hard as he tried to adjust it. He slammed his head on it and tried to form a chart in his head. There were good things about that night. Kotetsu loved him. He was worried about their relationship, because he cared that much. He was a little forceful, but it was most likely out of desperation.

He let go of the blankets just enough to twist around and face Kotetsu. He brushed his knuckles against Kotetsu’s face, perfecting a way to touch him without disturbing him after so many sleepless nights. He pulled his hand back and brought it under his chin. As Kotetsu adjusted himself in his sleep, Barnaby covered his head against with the blankets, feeling warm tears form in the corners of his eyes.

He thought about all the research that he had been working on. He felt his wrists ache at the thought of the amount of definitions he wrote down. He thought about Nathan’s reminders that he wasn’t alone.

But even then he knew that his situation was his own. And he realized that he knew what he wanted to do. He poked his face out of the blankets enough to glare at the clock. It was nearing three-thirty in the morning. He sat up, leaning against the headboard. He fluffed up his hair and took a deep breath. He gripped Kotetsu’s hand as tight as he could without disturbing him.

“My name is Emily Brooks. That’s not what I was originally named, but it’s who I always was. I’m a transwoman and a hero. And I would really like to be Kotetsu T. Kaburagi’s partner in every sense of the word.”

*

Visiting Nathan after the break through the night prior felt appropriate. After all, Nathan was the one that found Emily. Or rather, Nathan lit the tower on fire that she was trapped in, hooked arms with her, and brought her to the safety of his apartment.

“Do you have nail polish?” Emily asked.

“Do I have nail polish?” Nathan exclaimed, “You didn’t seriously ask me that question, did you?”

“I was trying to be polite?” She realized that her hand was on her jutted out hip. She adjusted her position and looked down at her body for a moment. “Why did I do that?”

“You’ve been doing that for at least two months now,” Nathan pointed out, “You’re getting quite the attitude.”

Emily scrunched her nose. “Is this a problem?”

Nathan groaned. “I’ll go get my nail polish collection.” Under his breath he muttered, “I think I liked you better when you just cried all the time…”

Emily glared at him and turned to a nearby mirror. She pushed her headband back, trying to get loose hairs to tuck themselves back. She stared at herself for a moment and recalled the night before. She saw Nathan return in the reflection of the mirror with a box.

“I don’t know if any of these are your color,” Nathan announced, putting it down on the coffee table, “Feel free to check them out. Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I’m painting my toe nails so Kotetsu hopefully won’t notice.” She fished around the box and found a dark red. “Are we on a level that we can talk about… more intimate things?”

Nathan tilted his head. “I mean… within reason…” he said, “Just remember that there are some details I’d rather not know about both of my coworkers.”

She took the bottle and rolled it around in her hand. “...I had sex with Kotetsu for the first time in awhile.”

“How did that go?”

“…Awful.”

Nathan sat cross legged next to her. “Cotton balls are in the box. You’re going to need them. How was it awful?”

“I didn’t feel… good. It wasn’t even in a way that I wasn’t enjoying the kind of sex we were having. I’m just… I don’t him to treat me like I’m his boyfriend. I want him to know. I mean, eventually I wouldn’t mind telling everyone else, but I want him to know as soon as possible.”

Nathan ripped apart a cotton ball and handed the pieces to her. She stuck them between her toes and shook the bottle. When she opened it she slammed her head on her knees. “I don’t even know how to do this,” she confessed.

“I’ll help you. Only this time, though,” Nathan said, taking the bottle from her and beginning to paint her big toe nail. “You’re lucky I love you.” He was quite for a moment, painting half of her toenails before he said, “So you’re ready to come out to him, is what you’re saying.”

“Yes. I can’t be Barnaby around him anymore.”

“So don’t,” he told her, “You’ve spent the past three months formally researching. You are keeping a collection of clothes here, because you couldn’t fit them in your nightstand anymore. Your body language is changing. And he’s beginning to notice that something is going on. So you should tell him that you aren’t Barnaby.” He painted the other foot’s toenails and said, “I am going to put another coat on, okay? So stay still.”

Emily curled her toes slightly. “Do you think he’ll break up with me?”

Nathan glanced up at her briefly, then continued to paint her nails. “I… I still don’t really know,” he confessed, “I want to believe that he’s going to love you no matter what.” He pulled away to inspect his artwork. “Huh, this is a really good toe nail color. Good eye, Emily.”

“What if this is too much for him?”

Nathan leaned back. “There’s been so much in his life that you would assume would be too much for him. Losing his wife, not being able to take care of his daughter, having you attempt to destroy him, because your memories were manipulated… those were the times that you would think would be too much for him. This… is unprecedented. I don’t know how he’ll react, but I don’t think it will be because it’s too much for him.” He brushed his hand against her cheek, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Just… if anything happens, let me know. Well, regardless of what happens, I hope you let me know. Okay?”

Emily nodded slowly. “Thank you so much, Nathan. For everything.”

Nathan just passed her the bottle of nail polish. “Take this, it looks way better on you than it ever did look on me.”

*

Emily had a plan. It was simple enough. She was going to devote the rest of the night to Kotetsu. She just hoped that they wouldn’t be called to action at any point. When she got back to the apartment, she saw Kotetsu curled up on the couch, watching TV.

She marched over to him and promptly curled up next to him. “What’re you watching?” she asked.

Kotetsu grinned. “Hey, Bunny! I’m just watching a movie. Antonio said it was good. I don’t know if you’d be into it, though.”

“Do you have any plans?” She wriggled her way into his arms, weaving her fingers in-between his.

Kotetsu puckered his lips and made a popping noise. “Eh, probably not? Why, do you have plans?”

“I was hoping to make you dinner and spend some time with you? I haven’t forgotten what you said last night. I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted. I want to make tonight all about you.”

“Oh. Oh,” Kotetsu murmured, promptly turning off the TV. “We better hope that the city will be quiet for tonight.”

“If we get disturbed, I’ll do it again tomorrow. Or the day after that. This needs to be perfect.”

“It doesn’t have to be perfect, Bunny. I’m just happy being with you.”

She went into the kitchen and got to work. She made the decision to hand make burgers. She contemplated doing something fancier. Maybe a steak or even going to a restaurant that they liked. At the same time, she knew Kotetsu well enough that he would most likely be the most content eating burgers.

Occasionally, her hands would shake so hard that she had to step away and take deep breaths. Eventually, Kotetsu walked in, spinning around to take in the smells. “Burgers?!” he exclaimed, running over to the counter. She shoved him away from her work station and rolled her eyes. “I’m not done yet!” she exclaimed, “Go watch your movie.”

“The movie’s too boring,” Kotetsu groaned, “Do you need any help?”

Emily glared. “No. What’s the point of making you dinner if you’re going to help make it?”

“Are your toenails painted?”

Emily slowly looked down at her feet and back at him. “Yes?”

“…That’s… different.” He put his hands on his hips and bent down to get a better look at them. “Did you get your nails done with Nathan or something?”

“Uh, yeah. I did.”

Kotetsu stood up straight and shrugged. “Eh, Kaede did that to me a few times when she was younger. That’s a cool color.”

“Go back to the movie, Kotetsu, please,” she begged.

Kotetsu briefly glanced back at her toenails and said, “Hey, Bunny…” He covered his mouth and turned away. “Nevermind.”

“What?”

Kotetsu waved his hand. “It’s nothing, it’s nothing…”

“No. It’s clearly not. What’s wrong?”

Kotetsu took a deep breath. “You aren’t seeing anyone else, are you?” he asked.

Emily’s eyes widened. “What?!”

Kotetsu covered his eyes and took another deep, shaky breath. “You’re out all the time now. You always say you’re with Nathan, but I know that he can’t be available all the time. And I did the laundry yesterday and I saw a pair of women’s underwear I never saw before. I mean, I know I’m not the best. If you ever saw someone better, I would always tell you go for them. But I’d rather you break up with me first.”

Emily slammed her fists on the counter. She must have accidentally tossed one of her outfits in their laundry. She could feel her plan fracturing around her. Staring at a bowl full of raw meat she said, “…They’re mine.”

“Huh?” Kotetsu asked.

“They’re mine, Kotetsu.”

“Oh. Why didn’t you show me them?! You’d look amazing in them!”

“Because… it’s not just like. I’m crossdressing or anything like that.”

“So what is it?”

She forced herself to turn around. She put her hands on his shoulders and said, “Because I’m not your boyfriend.”

“What?” Kotetsu whispered, “How could you say that…”

“No! No,” she whispered, pressing her forehead against his, “I want to be your girlfriend. I want to be a woman? I’m transgender. I’m… I’m just throwing a whole bunch of terms at you, aren’t I?”

Kotetsu nearly pulled away from her, his hands twitching. They appeared to reach out to her, but never quite made it. “So you’re… oh.” He quickly draped his hands on her waist. “Wait! So… your hair. And the clothes. And the disappearing… you’re…” He frowned. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was scared. You’re only the second person to know.”

“And the first one was…” Kotetsu’s eyes lit up, “The first person was Nathan!”

“Yes, Kotetsu. Yes. You’re brilliant. I’m so sorry.”

Kotetsu grinned. “So you were telling the truth!” He kissed her several times on the lips. “I knew it! I mean, I didn’t really know about all of this, but I knew it!”

“You’re not… scared?”

Kotetsu froze. “Scared? I mean, no? Am I supposed to? I was scared you were cheating on me!”

“But… I’m not… I...” She felt herself slip the slightest bit of a laugh. Suddenly, she felt guilty for all the times that she was worried about how he would react. The reason why she loved Kotetsu so much was that he took everything in stride and even when it was difficult, he always found a way to smile. This wasn’t anything different for him.

“We’re going to have to discuss this, obviously,” he confessed, “I’m kind of a little confused. But… are you okay? You must have been sitting on this for awhile.”

“Nathan helped a lot. And honestly, I don’t think I really thought about this since I drew those pictures when I was little.”

Kotetsu pressed his body against hers. “The princess-knight one?” He giggled. “You’re allowing yourself to be the princess?”

“I got tired of having to rescue you all the time like you were one,” she snarled, quickly becoming overcome with giggles.

“No fair!” he squawked, “You’re just being mean, Bunny!” He looked around nervously. “Am I still allowed to call you that? Do you have a different name?”

She nodded. “You can still call me that. I am pretty sure you couldn’t stop calling me that if you tried. I do have a name picked out for everyone else, though. Remember what my name was on those drawings?”

“Yeah. Emily. Your mother’s name.”

“That’s what I’d like to be called. Eventually. I don’t know how far I’m going to go with this. My priority has been having you know.”

Kotetsu backed away for a moment. “I just wish you told me sooner so you wouldn’t have to feel so bad,” he confessed, “And that I wouldn’t have to accuse you of cheating.” He raised his hands and said, “Hey! I got it. How about you get all dressed up how you want to? And I’ll finish up making dinner.”

“But this was for you…”

He bumped her away from the counter. “You started everything. They just need to be made into patties, right?” He washed his hands and began to ball the meat in his hands. “I totally began touching you after you touched meat, didn’t I?”

She looked at her hands and laughed, “I kind of got caught up in the moment.”

“If we get food poisoning, we’ll get it together!” he exclaimed, dramatically slapping a patty on a plate. “You want two, right?”

She nodded, walking over to the sink to wash her hands.

“How many, Emily?” Kotetsu repeated.

She froze for a moment, her hands still getting wet.

“Bunny?”

Her hands still soaking wet, she wrapped her arms around him. “Two please,” she told him.

Kotetsu backed away. “Uh, I want to hug you back, but my hands…”

“I know,” she told him.

“My shirt’s wet now.”

“I don’t really care.”

“…Okay. I mean, I don’t really care, either, I just thought you should know.”

*

Emily entered the bedroom and promptly called up Nathan. He picked up fairly quickly, his voice sounding somewhat out of breath. “Is everything okay?” he asked.

She laughed, dramatically opening up the drawer of her nightstand and found a skirt that Nathan successfully convinced her to purchase, even though she never felt comfortable wearing it.

“Hello? What’s going on?” Nathan asked.

“Why didn’t we ever think that Kotetsu just wanted to see me happy?” she asked, snipping off the tags of the skirt.

“I mean, I assumed that was always a possibility, even if we didn’t say it. Is that what happened?”

“Yes.” She hugged the skirt closely to her body and curled up for a brief moment. “He’s… he’s a little confused. That’s to be expected. But he told me to get dressed how I want to and to have dinner with him.”

Nathan sighed. “He’s one of a kind, isn’t he?” he whispered, “That’s amazing, Emily. I’m happy for you. Remember the pointers I gave you about makeup, okay?”

“Of course.”

“I’m very happy to hear this. I’ll have to give him a big hug when I see him at the gym tomorrow. Now go get ready!”

“Goodbye! And thanks!” she exclaimed. She quickly squirmed out of her pants and put on her skirt. She ran the fabric between her fingers and attempted to pick out a top that would go with it. She finally found one with a beaded collar she always hid beneath jackets when she wore it. Kotetsu knocked on the door and asked, “Hey, are you ready yet? Food’s done.”

She sighed, grabbing a tube of mascara and lipstick from the nightstand. She would have to try using eyeliner another time. “Yeah, hang on!” she yelled. She fluffed up her hair and quickly flicked mascara on her eyelashes as well as color onto her lips. She backed away from the mirror far enough to get a better look at her outfit. She straightened out the seams of her skirt and smiled. She realized the drawing was still on the dresser, but flipped over. Kotetsu must have assumed that she put it down and didn’t want to bother her by propping it back up. She flipped it over and smiled. “Are you happy?” she asked the piece of paper.

“Are you?” four year old Emily Brooks would most likely ask, adjusting her tiara.

“Yeah,” she would be able to reply, “Yeah… I am.”

“Took you long enough!” she would squeal, “Now that you have a prince, does that mean you’re going to be able to become a queen soon?”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. We’re still getting to know each other,” she would tell her, stomping off.

She walked out of the room and found Kotetsu sitting patiently at the table. He was spinning the beaded bracelet around his wrist, humming to himself. He saw her enter the room and smiled, tucking his head down and spinning the beads around his wrist faster.

She sat down next to him and looked down at the untouched food between them. “You waited?”

“Of course I did,” he told her, “Why wouldn’t I?” He stayed scrunched up when he said, “You look beautiful.”

She smirked, taking a burger and squirting ketchup on it. “Thank you.” She pushed his plate closer to him and said, “Eat your food, you worked so hard on it.”

He nodded, sitting up straight again. “I’m sorry about that. It’s just…” He dramatically took a bite out of his burger and swallowed, “…that outfit is something Tomoe would wear.” He brought his hand to his head. “I guess I have a type.”

“You do. It’s not a bad thing,” she told him.

“It’s just… you’re different, but not different. You’re still Bunny. But… you seem lighter. You even move around more lighter. I don’t know, I’m probably not describing this correctly.”

She leaned her head on his chin and smiled. “You’re describing everything perfectly fine. Take your time registering all of this. I know it’s kind of… unexpected.”

Kotetsu shrugged, taking several large bites of his burger before he said, “It’s not entirely surprising. At least, after the drawings we found and all that. I just… wonder how everyone else is going to react.” He finished his burger and said, “Nathan gets a lot of ugly things thrown at him, because how he looks. And… I’m not stupid, Bunny. Bad things happen to… people like you.”

“I’m going to keep being a hero,” she said, “I don’t know when I’m going to go public about this. But… I want to keep being your partner. I’m going to keep training. Someone needs to catch you when you fall off of high surfaces.”

Kotetsu narrowed his eyes. “Okay, that’s only been, like… three times.”

“It’s been more than three times at this point,” she said, taking a bite out of her burger.

“I don’t have a lot of time left! I need to make every second count!”

“And you refuse to factor in that you need to spare a few seconds to get back to the ground.”

Kotetsu yelped. “But Bunny!” he exclaimed.

Their call bracelets went off, causing both of them to nearly drop their food.

“Of course we were needed tonight,” she muttered.

“Do you want to get out of those clothes?”

She finished her burger and got up, “No,” she said, “We need to get into our undersuits, anyway. Come on, Kotetsu, we don’t have much time.”

Kotetsu jumped up and followed her. “Hey, wait up!” he yelled, trailing behind her.

*

The culprit was a typical thug relegated to second leaguers. He didn’t appear to have any NEXT abilities and he had bag full of smart phones he was most likely trying to sell to a store to make a profit. The only person that saw them before they got into their undersuits was Ben, and Kotetsu made sure to run in front of Emily at that point.

Before they went out on the street, Emily lifted her face plate and said, “Don’t use she when talking to me right now, okay?”

Kotetsu nodded. “I’ll just use Bunny!”

“…Thank you.” She shifted the face plate down and posed. “Let’s get going.”

For the first time in several months, she felt happy being a hero. She jumped off of buildings and enjoyed every second that she was airborne, twisting and turning to gracefully land on a different surface. Kotetsu followed behind her, uncharacteristically silent. She occasionally had to turn back to make sure that he was still nearby. He consistently was only a step or two behind her.

They successfully cornered the culprit and she allowed Kotetsu to arrest him.

“Are you sure?” Kotetsu asked, the first time he spoke the entire chase.

“Think of it as a gift,” she told him.

He lunged forward and grabbed the criminal by the collar and didn’t give a dramatic speech when he tossed him off to the police.

As the criminal was driven off, Emily lifted her faceplate and asked, “Are you okay?”

Kotetsu lifted his faceplate and said, “I’m sorry! I was afraid I was accidentally going to say something and out you, so I decided to just keep quiet!” He brought his hands to his face and gasped, “Oh no! Your makeup!”

“Is it that bad?” she asked. She knew that the sweat couldn’t have been good for her mascara. She wondered what her lips looked like, as well.

“Your eye makeup is all messed up,” he said, “And…” He brushed his gloved hand under her chin. “…It was smudged. Sorry.”

“You’re going to have to get used to this,” she told him.

“Well, then you’re going to have to get used to me wiping off your lipstick when it’s messed up!” he exclaimed.

“Can you wait until we get out of our suits first?”

Kotetsu finally brought his hand down and nodded. “Yeah. I can do that,” he replied. He grabbed her hand and refused to let go of it until they made it back the van.

When they got inside the van, they got down to their undersuits and Kotetsu asked, “Are you just going to get back into your skirt?”

“Yeah. This was short enough that I think we’ll be able to get back to dinner. We may have to heat up the food, though.”

“But what if Saito and Ben…”

“See me in a skirt?” She shrugged her shoulders, leading to unzipping her undersuit and slipping it off. “We don’t have to tell them anything. Not yet, at least.”

“Okay. Well, then I won’t say anything.” He looked down at her legs as she slipped her skirt back on. “You didn’t shave your legs.”

“Am I supposed to?” she asked.

“No! You can do whatever you want! I’m just making an observation.” He gulped and pulled her close, her hands still on the hem of her skirt. “I mean, I wouldn’t be opposed to it… it’d be nice… ah.”

“I’ll do it. Don’t be scared if I cut myself all over, because I’ve never done it before, all right?” She didn’t expect to have Kotetsu be so enthusiastic. It made her realize that she had to talk to him about other parts of transitioning that she had considered.

Kotetsu let go of her and grinned. “Ah… don’t use women’s razors. Tomoe refused to use them. She said they weren’t strong enough. Just… word of advice.” He took off his undersuit and got back into his regular clothes, then quickly left the room before she could tell him thank you for his wealth of knowledge about shaving products.

*

They returned home and took microwaved their dinner. They curled up on the couch together, finishing their meal and watching some syndicated crime show that Kotetsu became obsessed with when he briefly went into retirement. Kotetsu held her in his lap, pressing the side of his face on her chest as he watched the cops close in on their suspect. He had remained fairly silent, aside from making sure that she was comfortable. He occasionally slipped his hand under her skirt when readjusting her, but each time he quickly pulled his hand out from under the material and rested his hand on another, more clothed, part of her body. He continued to watch the show, barely looking at her, even when there was a commercial break.

“Do you want to talk?” she asked.

He sighed, lifting his head off his chest. “I’m trying to think about how to phrase something. But I kind of have no idea how to do it without you possibly getting mad.”

“Ask,” she told him, “We can’t be scared to talk to each other, okay? What’s on your mind?”

“Ah, I was thinking about… like… what people who are… transgender… do. And a lot of them get sex change operations and stuff.”

“Affirmation surgeries,” she corrected him.

“What now?”

She hit her head on his shoulder. “Sorry. I like the phrase affirmation. It’s affirming your body with how you feel.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t know!”

“It’s fine. I actually wrote down a whole bunch of terms when I was researching, if you would like to read them.”

“I’d love to,” he told her, “I would like to read the books, too, if possible!”

“They’re all Nathan’s, actually,” she told him, “But… to answer your question… at least, I think it’s your question. I don’t know if I want to get surgery.”

“But isn’t that a part of it? Like… having all your parts match up?” He began to wriggle around uncomfortably, “See, this is why I was trying to keep quiet about this, I just don’t know how to word all of this without making you upset!”

“I’m not upset,” she told him, “I’m actually really happy that you’re already okay with talking about this.” She kissed him on the lips. “I don’t think I’m going to get surgery. Not yet, at least.”

“Oh. Well, I’m glad that isn’t an issue…”

She brought her hands behind his neck and smiled. “How about we have this conversation when you do a little research?”

He nodded his head. “Yeah. Probably the best idea.” He quickly darted his eyes back to the TV, but he held onto her tighter than before, leaving one of his hands under her skirt and left it there.

*

Emily went to the gym alone the next day. Kotetsu left early, saying that he had to meet with someone about something… he didn’t actually give any specifics. After spending several months leaving him in the dark, she assumed that he was entitled to a few secrets. As she set up the weights, Nathan tapped the bench next to her and asked, “Is anyone using this?”

She shook her head. “No. Join me,” she greeted.

Nathan set up his own weights and announced, “Guess who decided to show up bright and early at my place?”

She tilted her head. “Who…” her eyes widened, “…Oh. Kotetsu went to visit you, didn’t he?”

“Yes he did,” he told her, “He took a whole bunch of my books. I recommended a few for him, as well.”

“Did he seem okay?”

Nathan leaned back on the bench. “I think he’s worried, but it’s not a bad kind of worried. He wants to see you happy. He wants to make sure that he gets every term correct. He also wants to figure out how he is going to tell Kaede about all of this.”

She furrowed her eyebrows. “He doesn’t have to do that…”

“I don’t think he’d out you without your permission. I think he’s just trying to make sure he’s prepared for when you’re ready.” Nathan twisted his ankle around. “Unfortunately, I just don’t know of many resources for fathers trying to explain to their young daughters that her celebrity crush and her dad’s significant other is transgender.”

She brought her leg up and leaned her chin against her knee. For a moment she thought about all of the younger girls that had been so obsessed with her for the past few years. For the first time she allowed herself to wonder how much her marketability would drop if she came out publically. She lost a large portion of them when her relationship with Kotetsu went public. She could only imagine how many she would lose if they found out that she was transgender. Kaede was stuck with her. And Kaede would have to find out… sooner rather than later. She knew that Kotetsu was not going to be able to hide it from her for very long. “I need to come out to Kaede soon. I really just need to come out to everyone soon.”

“Not necessarily,” Nathan replied.

“But… what’s stopping me, really?” she asked, “Kotetsu supports me. You support me. I don’t have a family to worry about potentially rejecting me… why not?”

Nathan shrugged. “It’s your life,” he told her, “I think you can make these types of decisions without my confirmation at this point.”

*

Emily returned home to see Kotetsu sprawled out across the couch with a book, multiple pages of the terms she wrote out several months ago, and a pamphlet. He was thumbing through the pamphlet when she entered the room. He tried to shuffle everything and pile it onto a nearby table.

She laughed and put her hand on his shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me you were going to Nathan’s?” she asked.

“I was hoping to just surprise you with all the cool terms that I learned,” he said, sitting up straight. “Like, how I found out you’re… mtf. Or a transwoman. Or just a woman. It’s up to you.”

She just smiled, reading the title of the pamphlet. “Why are you reading about hormones?”

He picked it up off of the table and said, “I was just… I should have probably asked you if you were going to go on them. But I was trying to figure out if you could go on them and still be able to be my partner…” He bent it in his hand and mumbled, “That was really selfish, wasn’t it?”

“Not really,” she told him. Maybe it was selfish. But for someone whose priorities always went back to being a hero, she couldn’t blame him. “Not much would change. I told you, I want to keep being a hero. I’m going to make sure that happens.”

Kotetsu grinned. “That’s… I’m glad. Thank you, Bunny.” He took her notes and began to shuffle them. “Also, I think I saw some things in your notes that I shouldn’t have.”

“Like what?” She didn’t recall writing down anything that was particularly incriminating.

“Numbers for a clinic and all that… and psychologists, and…”

“That’s just procedure,” she told him, “I want to go through this properly. There’s actually a clinic right in Sternbild I want to go to. Would you please come with me for support?”

He nearly dropped her notes. “Of course I would come with you, Bunny! I’d be honored to!” He sat up straight and cleared his throat. “So… you do want to go on hormones?”

“Yes.”

“Why? Am I allowed to ask that?” He rubbed his face. “Like… can I get a plan on what you want and why? Not that like. I would tell you no to anything. I just want to know.”

She took her notes from him. “I think I have a list in here…” she murmured.

“There was a folded up piece of paper toward the back, but I didn’t open it,” he told her. He grabbed it from the pile of books he left to the side and passed it to her.

“That’s it,” she told him. She unfolded it and showed it to him. “I made pro and con lists to treatments and starred what I wanted,” she told him. She recalled being in a strange mood the night she made that list. It had humored Kotetsu by giving him a blowjob and was so frustrated by parts of the experience that she spent a large portion of the evening researching. She widened her eyes and tried to grab the list from him. “Wait, I don’t want you reading this, I think I wrote some things that…”

Kotetsu reread parts of it. “You wrote the parts of your body that bother you.”

“I did. Can you give it back?”

“You want to laser off your facial hair? That makes sense… and you want more prominent hips… that makes sense… and you would like breasts, but you want to see how hormones would make that happen…” Kotetsu folded it back up and passed it to her. “I’m so sorry you had to go through this alone.”

“I wasn’t alone. I had Nathan.”

“But still. If I had known, I would have done things… said things… differently.”

Emily pushed her hair back several times. “There was no real way for you to tell what I was going through. Please don’t beat yourself up. All I ask is that you stay with me and support me during them.”

Kotetsu grinned. “I can certainly do that!” he exclaimed. His face tensed up for a moment. “Surgery wasn’t on that list, was it?”

She shook her head. “Not at the moment. But I’m allowed to change my mind, okay? And if I change my mind and we’re still heroes, you better not get yourself killed when I’m taking time off to recover.”

“What is with you thinking I can’t be a hero without you? I was a hero when you were in high school!”

They stared at each other for an uncomfortable moment.

Kotetsu raised his hand and Emily grabbed it, weaving her fingers with his. He covered his blushing face with a cushion and groaned. His face still in the couch, he said, “I just wanted to remind you that… I can take care of myself if you change your mind.”

“I appreciate it,” she whispered into his ear.

He turned his face away from the cushion and said, “So… you want to go to that clinic as soon as you can, right?”

She pressed her lips together for a moment before she said, “I’m going to come out to Lloyds first. Just to let him know. I’m going to assume that my suit will have to be adjusted when I go on hormones. He can pass the message along.”

“Wait! Are you sure you want to do that?” Kotetsu asked, “There’s no going back after that. You’re probably going to have to tell all the heroes… I’m sure Agnes is going to want to know. We may be second league, but you know she’ll find a way to make a plot about it.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I also was kind of hoping to tell Kaede and the rest of my family…”

“I’ll tell them first,” she said.

“But I know you want to go to the clinic…”

“Kotetsu. I have the rest of my life to go to clinics and get treatments and all that.”

Kotetsu smiled. “How do you want to do it? We can probably get a day off to visit them. Or we can just have a phone call. It’s up to you.”

“Let’s visit,” she said, “Kaede visits us all the time. So let’s return the favor.”

*

Two days later, they found themselves on a train out to Oriental Town. They squabbled about who had the window seat, Emily eventually relinquishing it with the promise that she got it on the way back. Kotetsu occasionally pointed out a tree that looked particularly colorful. Autumn was in full effect. It took her until that moment for her to realize that her birthday was coming up. She curled up around Kotetsu’s arm at the thought of having a cake with the name Emily on it. She never particularly cared for her birthday, but the thought of well wishers using her chosen name made her more excited.

“This whole coming out thing is going at an okay pace for you?” Kotetsu asked at one point, his finger getting caught in one of the waves of her hair.

She adjusted her glasses and nodded. “Yeah. It is. I’m tired of hiding. I think I want to come out to pretty much everyone by my birthday.”

“That’s… in three weeks,” Kotetsu said, twisting his fingers around her hair.

“If you get me anything, it better say Emily on it.”

“Yes, Princess Bunny.”

She lifted her head off of him and glared. “Don’t start calling me that.”

“I figured you’d like that nickname,” he teased.

“I hate all of your nicknames,” she muttered.

“That’s a lie and you know it!” Kotetsu exclaimed.

“Sh. I’m going back to sleep,” she told him, laying her head back down on his shoulder.

*

Emily never felt entirely comfortable in Oriental Town. She never quite understood Japanese customs and spent most of the time following Kotetsu’s lead. There always seemed to be tension between Kotetsu, his mother, and his brother. She typically asked if she could help with things, was told that she was a guest, and found Kaede and did things with her.

Muramasa picked them up at the train station, waving his hand at them. “Hi, Kotetsu. Hi, Barnaby.”

Emily noticed Kotetsu about to open up his mouth and she bumped him with her elbow. “Hello, Muramasa,” she told him, “How are you?”

Muramasa moved his head in a way that may have been a nod and opened up the door of his yellow van. “I remembered to put the seat in the van this time.”

Emily smiled, trying to block out the memory she had of sitting in the van one ride back from the train station in-between several stacks of beer. “That’s… thank you.”

The car ride was quiet, as always. Muramasa did not initiate conversation, which Emily learned after meeting him as much as she did that it was just the way he was. Kotetsu stayed quiet for most of the ride, spinning the ring that hung off his necklace, playing with the seam of his chair, occasionally texting Emily random text messages. At one point he just kept texting her name, at one point sending three in a row for each syllable. She finally texted him with, “Why are you doing that?” He replied with, “I like seeing you smile whenever I used your name.”

She pressed the screen of the cell phone against her cheek and felt her cheeks burning. After spending too much of her time reading memoirs by transgender people coming out and losing significant others and families, she was having her inbox filled with text messages written solely to make her smile.

She watched the scenery become more like the area that Kotetsu’s house was located. She had a plan. She traveled far enough to come up with one. The only thing that she wasn’t entirely sure about was how people would react.

She gazed at Kotetsu’s brother as he made a turn. Knowing him, he’d most likely be silent, regardless of how he felt about it.

She occasionally wondered how her parents would have reacted to her transition. She wanted to believe that they would support her and be happy that she was happy. She couldn’t be positive, but if she learned anything from coming out to Kotetsu, it was that just because they didn’t entirely understand, didn’t mean that they didn’t support her or want to learn more.

Muramasa stopped in front of the house. “I’m probably not going to be able to see you until you leave. You said you’re leaving tomorrow morning, right?”

“Can you keep the store open late?” Kotetsu asked.

“I need to do some restocking, so no. I really can’t.”

“We had a plan to announce something,” Kotetsu told him.

Muramasa just stared at him, his face staying flat and unreadable to Emily.

“Okay, well, we’ll tell you when you pick us up, I guess,” Kotetsu replied, “Well, thank you for the ride. C’mon, Bunny, let’s get going.”

Emily grabbed her bag and shook Muramasa’s hand. “Thank you very much,” she said, grabbing Kotetsu’s hand as he led her to the front of the house.

“Of course he refuses to be around,” Kotetsu mumbled.

Emily squeezed his hand. “It could be for the best. We don’t know how he’s going to react to this.”

Kotetsu slowly nodded his head as he put his hand on the door. “You ready?” he asked.

“As ready as I can be,” she replied, refusing to allow herself to reconsider it.

*

The day went by with little conflict. Emily offered to help Anju around the house and was refused every time. Kaede excitedly caught them up about her life, how she was doing in school, as well as some pieces of gossip that she heard about, but was in no way involved with, but found interesting.

As Kaede finished up telling a story about how she went to see a movie with two friends and she caught them holding hands, her eyes narrowed at the two of them. “I’m happy to see you here and all, but why are you visiting?” she asked.

“What? We can’t just visit and check up on all of you?” Kotetsu teased.

She shook her head. “It’s not that. It’s just that it’s so hard for you to get time off that you only really come out here unless there’s a reason.”

Kotetsu turned his head toward Emily and cringed. She put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “We actually did come here for a reason,” she told her.

“Is everything okay?” Kaede asked, her hand gripping around a stuffed animal she had on her bed.

“Yeah,” Kotetsu replied, without thinking, “Ah, well, something’s going to be different. But it’s not a bad thing.”

Kaede’s eyebrows furrowed. “But nothing’s wrong. So what’s going on?”

“Let me take care of this,” Emily whispered to Kotetsu, hugging him. She flipped her hair and scanned the room for a moment before she spoke. Her eyes got caught a photo on her desk of the three of them. She didn’t even remember when it was taken, but she felt herself happy to see that Kaede replaced many of the Barnaby Brooks Jr. posters with personal photos. She finally focused on Kaede and said, “I’m transgender,” she told her, “So, if you could please call me Emily from now on, it’d mean a lot to me.”

Kaede gasped, covering her face with her stuffed animal. “Really?” she asked, “How. Oh!” She slowly brought the the stuffed animal down slowly from her face and gulped. “But… are you still going to be a hero? Are you two still staying together? Does everyone else know?”

“You’re the third person to know,” Emily replied, “I’m absolutely going to stay being a hero. We’re staying together. We wanted you to know before I told our management.”

Kaede sat up straight and pressed her lips together, deeply contemplating something. “But…” she started, “…So… well…”

“What’s on your mind?” Kotetsu asked.

“I’m sorry… I. So. Hm.” She wiggled around in a way that reminded Emily so much of her father. “Okay. Do you need me to help you at all?” she asked, “I mean, being a girl is kind of hard. Like, have you worn heels? It’s pretty difficult.”

“I’m a little tall for heels,” Emily pointed out.

“So? Nathan wears heels and he’s tall, too,” she pointed out, “If he can wear heels, you definitely can. But, like. I have one pair that’s only two inches and they’re hard for even me to walk in.” She tapped her chin, “I’m not allowed to put on makeup yet. Grandma yells at me when I paint my nails a color that’s too dark. So I can’t really help you with that, either.”

“But you’re okay with all this?” she asked.

“I mean, it’s kind of weird. I’ve only ever really seen transgender people on TV. I think there was a person in a movie I had to watch for health class once. But other than that, I never really thought about it. Also, I’m really sorry in advance if I call you Barnaby sometimes.” She glared at her father. “Have you been remembering her name, Dad?”

“Of course!” Kotetsu squawked, “I’ve been pretty good, haven’t I, Bunny?”

Emily smirked at him.

“You said I could still call you that!” he exclaimed.

“That’s true,” she replied.

“Can we focus on Kaede and stop attacking me?” Kotetsu asked.

“I don’t really know what else can be said,” Kaede replied, “I mean. Unless there’s anything else that has to be announced, I think I’m up to date.”

Emily noticed the camera that was on Kaede’s desk and remembered the interview project that she roped her into doing. How it was what set her off to properly explore her identity. She turned to Kotetsu and said, “Hey, can you go see if your mother is available?”

“Yeah, sure,” Kotetsu said, getting up off of Kaede’s bed. He bent down to Kaede and hugged her. “Thank you so much for taking this so well,” he told her, kissing her cheek.

“Whatever. Grandma’s the one you’re probably going to have to worry about.”

“Don’t remind me,” Kotetsu muttered as he left the room, closing the door behind him.

Kaede craned her neck toward Emily. “What’s up?” she asked.

“I just wanted to thank you. Remember that interview that you had me do for your project?”

Kaede nodded, “Yeah. Oh, I never told you! I got a B+ on it. She said that I need to have more lead up with my questions, too.”

“Told you,” Emily told her, “But… you really helped me realize that I had to be honest with myself about who I am. Thank you, Kaede.”

Kaede reached over and hugged her, the stuffed animal getting caught between them. She pulled away and said, “Just keep making my dad happy, okay?” she asked.

“I certainly hope so,” she replied.

“Also, are you interested in getting your ears pierced?”

Emily instinctively brushed her earlobe. “I actually would really like to. Why?”

“Mine aren’t pierced yet. But I really want to. Grandma said I can. We can get them together.”

“Sounds like a great idea.” She hugged her tighter and slowly let go. “I should probably get ready to tell your grandmother.”

Kaede’s face scrunched up for a moment. “Good luck B-Emily. Emily.” She balled her fists together. “Emily! I’m going to get this right!” she exclaimed.

*

The kitchen table felt longer than Emily recalled. It didn’t help that Anju sat on the entire opposite end of it from her. Kotetsu sat in-between them. Emily could only assume that the he just didn’t know who he should sit next to.

She knew her luck with coming out had to run out eventually. She just hoped it could have lasted until she had come out to Kotetsu’s family.

“You said there was an announcement, right?” Anju asked.

“Give her some space, Mom,” Kotetsu said, quickly covering his mouth.

“Her?” Anju asked, “What’s going on?”

Emily slammed her head against her hand out of frustration. Of course, Kotetsu’s ability to distinguish between pronouns had to stop at this point, as well.

“What’s going on?” Anju repeated.

Emily opened up her mouth, until Kotetsu said, “I’ll do this. Mom, Bunny’s transgender. She’s going to transition to a woman. She would really like if you called her Emily. If you want to learn more about it, we have a bunch of information about it.”

“Is he… she sure about this?”

Emily realized that she was staring right at her. “Oh. Uh. Yes. Yes I am.”

“Well. Good luck with that,” she replied. She gave Kotetsu a look that Emily could only assume was disappointment. She looked down at her lap and told herself that crying wasn’t really going to change anything.

*

“She’ll warm up to it,” Kotetsu said as they walked down to Muramasa’s car, “She’s older, you know? Don’t get discouraged.”

Emily nodded, still staring straight ahead. She spent most of the evening with him petting her hair and telling her that it would be okay. She believed him. Even then, they were both adults and could make their own decisions, whether Kotetsu’s mother was understanding about it, or not.

“I’m not going to tell your brother right now, if that’s okay,” she whispered.

Kotetsu nodded. “It’s probably for the best,” he replied. “I’m just… so sorry…”

“It’s not your fault. I’ll… probably just send him an email.”

“Not having to see his face is a good call,” Kotetsu confessed. He waved at his brother as they made it to the van. “I love you, by the way,” he said, taking the front seat before she could respond.

*

When they got back to their apartment, they mutually agreed to lay down on the floor together in silence. Emily finally convinced Kotetsu to stop petting her hair, a habit he continued from the train ride back. After what felt like hours, Kotetsu asked, “Are you still going to talk to Lloyds?”

Emily wrapped her arms around his arm and leaned her cheek against it.

“I understand if you don’t want to anymore. It probably doesn’t help that my relationship with my mom is kind of rough,” he confessed, “She’s always thought I was irresponsible… I mean, she’s right. But… you help me so much. I just wish she understood.”

“You said it yourself that she can change her mind,” she replied.

Kotetsu just made a clicking noise.

Emily focused on the ceiling, even though she knew exactly what face he was making. It was one of his pained ones he made whenever he stared at his wedding ring for too long. It was the face he made when an innocent bystander got hurt on a mission. It was the one that had good intentions, but had seen things go horribly wrong throughout his life. She sat up, still making sure she couldn’t see his face. “What time is it?” she asked.

“It’s around two thirty right now.”

She jumped up and said, “So he’ll still be in his office.”

“Who?” Kotetsu asked, “Wait. Lloyds? You’re telling him right now?”

“I’ll leave right after I send an email to your brother. I’m not waiting on people to process this anymore.” She grabbed her jacket from the couch and zipped it up.

“You want me to come with you?” he asked, getting up behind her.

“No,” she said. She finally turned to face him, “Thank you so much for your support, Kotetsu. It means the world to me. You’re the best partner, the best boyfriend, the best person I could ever ask to be with. But this will have to do with my career. I’ll take care of this.” She kissed him and groaned. “Oh, right. Your brother. Is it possible that you can send him a message?”

Kotetsu nodded enthusiastically. “Absolutely,” he told her, “I’ll send you a draft.”

“You’re the best,” she told him before she ran out of the door.

*

Lloyds stared at her, his hands gripping tightly around each other. “You’re a transsexual,” he said, his voice without any tone.

“I’m actually not a transsexual,” she corrected, “That would imply that I had surgery. I haven’t. I’m transgender.”

Lloyds glared. “Okay. So you’re transgender.”

“Yes. And I intend on coming out publically about this.”

Lloyds loosened his hands to rub his temples. “Very well. I suppose you’d like a costume change?”

She shook her head. “With all due respect to Dr. Saito’s efforts, I would like to keep my suit the way it is, minus alterations as my body changes when I go on hormones.”

Lloyds nodded. “It’s not my business, but because Apollon also owns Wild Tiger… are you still together?”

She tried to conceal how her eyes lit up. “Kotetsu and I intend on staying together.”

“That certainly makes my life easier.” He leaned against his desk. “I’ll send a memo out, updating everyone of your name change. You’ll most likely get an email from our IT crew asking for you to update your photo on your name badge. I don’t believe that most, if any, of your intended treatments are going to be covered by our insurance plan. Will you be taking any time off? I assume that you will take a week off after you announce it publically to have it cool off, much like when you and Kotetsu went public with your relationship?”

“It’d be appreciated,” she confessed, “I don’t intend on any medical treatments at the present time.”

“Well, thank goodness for that.” He walked toward her and shook her hand. “Expect to be given information as to how PR would like to approach this. Until then… relax. Do you want me to extend the memo to the other companies to pass the message along to the other heroes?”

“It wouldn’t be a bad idea,” she replied. The thought of coming out to so many more individuals felt physically exhausting.

“I’ll make sure it’s drafted as soon as possible. I’ll run it by you and as soon as you give the okay, we’ll send it.”

*

The day after that, Emily confirmed the messages for both Muramasa and the entirety of Hero TV without even leaving the bed. Kotetsu curled up next to her as long as he could, until their call bands went off. He kissed her, rolled out of bed, and returned two hours later happy to report that he caught the culprit. She heard her phone go off several times within the two hours he was gone. The memo must have gone through. She watched the screen light up with texts and phone calls from various staff members and heroes. She promptly covered her head with blankets in response.

Kotetsu returned and rolled back into bed without even announcing his presence. He returned to her side and poked his head over hers to read her phone. “… You have seven voice messages.”

She pulled the blankets tighter over her head.

“Hey, Bunny. You should probably listen to them.”

“I really don’t think I can handle it right now.”

Kotetsu sat up straight. “It’s probably all of the heroes, Bunny. You need to listen to them.”

Emily sat up, keeping the blankets over her head. “I’m scared,” she confessed.

“How about this,” Kotetsu said, “We listen to them together.” He pulled her close. “Please? Do it for me?”

She turned to him for a moment, lifting her blanket up the slightest bit. She thought about how he had been so supportive recently. He knew how bad it could get, but he was willing to put up with her. “Okay. But allow me to stop if I need to.”

“I don’t think you’ll have to,” he told her, picking up her phone from the nightstand. He passed it to her and she put the speaker on as she went to the messages.

“My, Miss Emily, you went for quite the formal announcement,” Nathan purred. He must have gotten the message the earliest as a CEO benefit, “Although it’s probably the best way to ensure no one gets confused. Let me know if you’re going to be free next weekend. I’m thinking congratulations as well as early birthday celebration? Let me know! I love you!”

“I feel like we should find a way to pay him back for help you so much,” Kotetsu suggested.

Emily shrugged. “What could we get the person who has everything?”

Kotetsu snickered, then quickly silenced himself for the next message.

“Hello, sir-ma’am!” a loud chorus greeted them. A solitary voice then said, “On behalf of the second league, we just want to say that you have always been an inspiration for us as a hero, as well as a human being! We can’t wait to work side-by-side with you soon!”

Emily and Kotetsu stared at each other for a moment.

“It was cute!” Kotetsu hissed.

Emily rolled her eyes and waited for the next message.

“Hey, Em. Do you mind being called Em? You’re going to have to let me know. It’s Antonio. Just letting you know that I heard about your announcement. That took… wow. I don’t know what to say, aside from wow. Hope I’ll figure out what to say better when I see you soon.”

“Hi, Emily. It’s Karina. Ah. Congrats, I think? Let me know if you need any fashion advice. See you soon.”

“Ms. Brooks! It’s me, Keith! I’m very happy to hear your announcement! Congrats and congrats again!”

“Good afternoon, Emily. It’s Ivan calling in response to your announcement. I’m very happy to hear that you are transitioning to the gender you see yourself as. I just want to let you know that you have my support and I hope that your coming out will be seamless. If you need anything, please call me!”

“Hi, Emily. It’s Pao-Lin. I just heard the news. I’m really, really happy for you. You’ve always looked really pretty, but I’m sure you’re going to look even prettier now. I can’t wait to see you and give you a big hug.”

Emily promptly covered her face and started to cry. “I’m so lucky,” she whispered.

Kotetsu stopped the messages and tossed the phone aside. “You really are,” he told her, “And I’m super happy that I’m the one that’s with you.” He lifted her hand so he could smother her with kisses all over her face. “I’m the luckiest man and you’re the luckiest woman and we’re the luckiest couple in Sternbild!” He pushed her down on the bed and pressed his body against hers. He leaned his head on her chest and shut his eyes for a moment. “Do you feel better about all of this?” he asked, “I feel a lot better about all this. It’s also helps that the people I see every day know so I don’t have to worry about letting it slip. Thank God.”

“Yeah, you were getting bad at keeping that secret,” she teased, poking his side, “But yes. I feel much better about all of this.”

He twitched and wrapped his hand around her finger. “What can I say? I like to show off how lucky I am,” he said.

She burrowed her face into his hair and mumbled, “You are so corny. I can’t figure out why I’m still dating you.”

*

No sooner did Emily confirm with Nathan that she was free next weekend did she get an invitation to her own birthday party.

“Is this at that club you own?” she asked as they sat in Kotetsu and her apartment. Kotetsu was busy preparing a “Thank you so much for everything” meal. “I don’t think I know enough people to fill up your club!”

“It’s going to be in the small VIP section,” Nathan explained, “I know it’s a little early, but I think it’s appropriate given your announcement.”

“I guess that’s a good point,” she replied.

Nathan brought his hands over his head and said, “It’s going to be beautiful. It’ll be a private event. I will make sure the media can’t access it. So you can dress however you want and you won’t have to worry about ruining whatever PR plans to do.”

Kotetsu returned with some sort of rice and grilled vegetable dish. Emily could only imagine how difficult it must have been for him to avoid frying anything. He put it down at the table and began to prepare bowls for everyone. “Do you own a dress, Bunny?” he asked.

“Not one that’s appropriate,” Nathan said, “I’ll make my secretary bring one to you. I’m thinking a champagne colored number. Are you okay with that?”

“Is that too much with my skin tone?”

“It’ll have to be the perfect shade. I’ll find it. Or I’ll make it happen.” He took a bite of his food and smiled. “Absolutely wonderful, Kotetsu. Thank you very much.”

“You need to stop doing things for us, we’re never going to be able to repay you at this point,” Kotetsu mumbled between bites.

“It’s nothing,” Nathan told them, “Honestly. I’m just giving the support I wish I had when I was figuring things out, you know?” He took another bite of food and raised his chin, “It also helps that I can afford to make grand gestures like purchase beautiful dresses for my friends. So are you ready for a happy birthday, Emily?”

Emily nodded. “Yeah,” she replied, “I am.”

*

Nathan picked out a beautiful dress. Emily wasn’t sure where Nathan got the measurements for her, but it fit perfectly and moved along her body in a way to ensure that she would look more feminine. She even wore heels which, as Kaede predicted, were somewhat difficult to wear. The secretary came with a makeup artist that happily did her makeup and suddenly, she was entirely transformed.

On top of all this, Kaede was invited and raced to Sternbild the day of the party. She came with the news that her grandmother was slowly getting over the news and that Muramasa read the email, but never responded. He apparently was fine with it and he just hoped Kaede telling them was enough. It was.

“You realize that you’re officially Princess Bunny and I refuse to call you anything else,” Kotetsu told Emily as she inspected herself in a mirror.

“You really do look like one, honestly,” Kaede confessed, “But, like. You can still see your muscles and everything. So you can still kick butt.”

“Like a… princess-knight, dare I say?” Kotetsu asked.

“Dad, stop being so weird,” Kaede told him.

“No, there’s a reason for that,” Emily said, still staring at herself in the mirror, “He’s not just being weird.”

“This one over here wanted to be that when she grew up,” he explained, “Well, when she was four years old.”

“I mean, you did it, didn’t you?” Kaede asked, “You achieved your goal. You’re a hero and you’re pretty. So, like. You did it.”

Emily flipped her hair dramatically. “Guess I did,” she murmured.

“Okay, I’m really happy that you’re happy, but we’re going to be late to your own birthday party,” Kotetsu said, “Let’s get going.”

The club had bouncers at every entrance, Nathan giving instructions to enter the back way. The VIP section was decorated with simplicity that Emily knew was to appease her. She was nearly smothered by the rest of the heroes, as well s several members of the Hero TV crew that attended. Each person wished her the best and for the most part, remembered to call her Emily.

Kotetsu leaned into her at one point toward the beginning of the night and whispered, “I’m going to wander around. Go talk to whoever you want! It’s your party!”

She tugged on his sleeve and said, “But I want you here.”

“I’ve had you all to myself for the past few weeks. Go enjoy yourself. Meet me in two or three hours so I can give you a birthday gift.”

She went through with his request and found herself being forced to dance with Nathan, having a lengthy heart-to-heart with Pao-Lin about gender identity, and listening to Ivan compliment her. She bumped into Agnes and pretended to listen to her plan to make her identity become a plot of some sort for the show. She even drank at the bar area with Antonio for a while. There was an embarrassing amount of time in which she just chatted with Kaede, preferring the gossip from her school as opposed to being overwhelmed by people congratulating her. Two hours later, she found herself with Kotetsu in a corner of the club that they could hear each other.

“You said you had a birthday gift for me?” she asked.

Kotetsu grabbed something from behind him and plopped it on her head. “Happy birthday, Bunny!” he exclaimed.

She put her hand on her head and glared as she pulled it off of her head. “I don’t really like gifts… but a dollar store tiara?” she asked.

“That’s not your actual gift. I just couldn’t help myself,” he said, grinning.

She rolled her eyes and put it back on her head. “Fair enough,” she muttered, “So what’s the actual gift?”

He slipped his hand into his vest and pulled out a velvet box.

Emily’s heart began to pound. She felt herself back away instinctively. She never recalled having a conversation with Kotetsu about marriage. She always found it to be something that was a possibility. The longer they stayed together, especially after she came out, the more she realized that it had potential to happen. She just preferred it to be an agreement between the two of them, as opposed to a surprise.

She took the box from him and opened it, trying to prevent herself from sighing in relief. “Earrings,” she announced, smiling, “You got me earrings. How did you know?”

“Kaede may have helped me out on that one,” he confessed, “They’re opals. Your birthstone. I looked up some stuff about them and they’re actually really cool. You can put light on them and they expose about every single type of color that’s visible. They’re beautiful and always changing and I just figured… it’s really appropriate, considering what you’ve been through recently. And I know that this isn’t really the end of our hardships. Like, I’m totally aware things are going to even more complicated, with the public hearing about this… and treatments… and just… I love you, Bunny. I love you so much. Happy birthday. I really hope you’ll keep me around for a bunch more.”

She shut the box closed and pulled him close. “Of course I’m going to,” she replied, “Oh God, stop being so sentimental, I’m going to cry. You made me nervous with the box, though.”

Kotetsu laughed. “What? You thought I was going to propose?”

“Maybe a little.”

“Not yet,” he said, “Pretty sure you’d want to have yourself all affirmed and everything before we begin talking about that.”

She briefly imagined a long white train and wedding bands. She may have been a little old to start having marriage daydreams, but she didn’t mind. She gripped the box tightly in her hand and said, “I need to get my ears pierced.”

“Kaede plans on going tomorrow. She said that you’re welcome to join her, especially if you’re willing to drive,” Kotetsu replied, finally letting go, “So don’t worry about that.” He stood on his toes for a moment and said, “You’re, like. Really tall right now. Are you always going to wear heels?”

“Not always. But I kind of like them. Why, are you intimidated that you’re dating a woman who’s so much taller than you?”

“Nah. I’m a little worried that I’m going to hurt my neck trying to look at you.”

They laughed as the DJ changed songs. Emily bobbed her head to the loud musi and asked, “Do you want to dance?”

Kotetsu nearly jumped. “You hate this kind of music.”

“I know I do,” she confessed, “I just think we should dance.” She put the box back in his pocket, grabbed his wrist and put her other hand on top of her head to secure her tiara.

“I mean, you always make fun of my dance moves and how I can’t keep a beat…”

“It’s my birthday and I want you to dance,” she demanded.

“Ugh, okay. Fine, whatever, Princess Bunny.”

She laughed as she brought him close. Kotetsu leaned in to kiss her neck and a crowd of people on the floor began to make yell. She grabbed his chin and kissed him in front of all of them, causing the crowd to yell louder. She wasn’t entirely sure what was going to happen the next few months, but she knew that she was going to be happy. For the first time in a long time, she was content with knowing just that.