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Hi. I'm Gray.
…I'm sorry, I'm not good with words. I don't really know how I'm supposed to introduce myself. You already know what I am, don't you? I guess it'd be worth it to go over the basics, just in case you don't.
Well… I'm a Sprunki. One of us, anyway. We create music by harmonizing with each other. It's like a way we bond, or something. I'm sorry, it's just odd to describe something that comes so naturally to us. It's like trying to explain how you walk, you know?
Anyway, that's us. We live in a peaceful world, we hardly ever have a major fight or disagreement… it's nice, actually. I guess the only downside I can think of right now is that we're kind of… alone here. At least I think we are. Everyone knows each other, even if we're not necessarily friends.
I overheard Javin talk to someone once. It was a while ago, but I'm pretty sure he mentioned someone named… Black? I've never met him before, and I haven't heard anyone bring him up since. Maybe I misheard him. Or maybe I'm just out of the loop.
There's at least nineteen of us, I know that many.
… It doesn't feel right to say that. It always feels more like eighteen, plus one. I mean, they all get along together, don't they? And they have their own cliques. I always see Oren, Raddy, and Fun Bot hanging around each other, Tunner and Sky have their own thing going on, and I've even noticed that Pinki and Wenda gravitate to each other when we're all together.
And there's just me, a loner Sprunki, watching this all from a distance. It sounds like I'm a creep when I say it like that, doesn't it? I'm sorry. I just don't know how they… interact so easily, is that it? It's as if they all just know each other, like there's some connection they have that I don't.
I don't know how they all can be friends so easily. It seems easy, at least compared to how they interact with me. Every now and then, there'll be some “big adventure” that they want to go on, and I'm always invited by one of them to join. Of course I accept these invitations whenever they come around, but… I don't know. I never feel like I belong there with them. They're all so friendly and loud with each other, and I'm just… not.
I don't know if there's just something wrong with me, or if I'm just not close enough with any of them… they always at least try, I mean, to give me a chance to participate - it's usually either Simon or Wenda who approach me first, they're the brightest - but it never feels like my place to accept, of that makes sense. It's like they're just doing this to be nice, and not because they actually think I'm worth the time.
I mean, I can't really blame them for being like that, if that's true. I always freeze up whenever someone notices me… at all. I want to make a friend, I do, but I don't know how. Or even if they genuinely want to even be around me. I'm not as colorful as them, and to be honest, I find it exhausting to try and match their energy. Don't tell any of them that, but it's true. I just… I don't know how they can always be up for something new. Especially Simon or Owax, they both are just… a lot.
It's got to be something wrong with me, right? I'm the only one that's like this. Or at least the only one that's complaining. Maybe I should try harder.
I can't even sing properly, so I'm definitely at least at fault for that. Everyone else creates these amazing harmonies together, and even by themselves, they're at least catchy. But me? All I do is hum; And trust me, it's not even good humming, either. I have to be the flattest one here, I'm sure of it… I want to try to actually sing a melody some time, but what if it sounds worse? What if it's not even singing at all, and I just end up yelling out-of-tune? At least they haven't mentioned my awful humming yet. They probably just ignore me, or it's quiet enough that they just drown it out.
It's not like I'm humming on purpose, by the way. The first time I tried to harmonize with the others - I hardly remember it, it was so long ago - I got so nervous that my jaw just… it just wouldn't open. So it came out as a hum. I'm pretty sure I was off-beat because of it… but that's besides the point. I've just been humming for so long that even if I change it now, it's going to be so awkward. I'd have to restructure my entire approach, and I'd actually have to be loud enough to be heard, not to mention that I'd have to explain to the others why now I decided to try something different, that'd be the worst part…
I always seem to find myself in situations like this. Someone's doing something nearby, and I'll have been in the background just observing them, but they wouldn't have even noticed me. And I can't even say anything because if I do, then it's just going to look like I was spying on them, or they'll try to get me involved, or we'll talk about how I was there the whole time and how I'm just quieter than them… and in the worst case scenario, it'd be all three.
This happened once with Javin, as I mentioned earlier, but I can think of a few other times too. Like once I was in the forest, minding my own business sitting under a tree, when I just heard Oren and Raddy walking up the path. I didn't do anything, thinking that they were just going to keep walking. But they didn't. They just stopped there, right next to me! And they stayed for ten whole minutes, the whole time I was just sitting there! It was awful, I tell you. Every second I didn't say anything made it infinitely more awkward, but fortunately, they left before I broke. And they didn't notice me even then.
I don't know how to feel about the others, if I'm being honest. I don't know whether I want a friendship like they have, or if I like having my distance between them. It hurts to be ignored like that, it does. It hurts to feel out of place whenever we all get together. But I sometimes also like to be alone, I like being able to think, to strike out on my own every now and again. I don't know how I can feel both ways about this, and it confuses me. I don't know which one is more important. I could just be lying to myself… but that doesn't seem right. I'd know if I was lying, I'm sure I would.
It's just that I've felt out of place for so long, I'm not sure if I still want to join them, or if I've just gotten used to being a stranger.