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Persephone prided herself in her ability to divine her husband’s thoughts from his expression. She had not always possessed this skill, it was a tool that had become sharper through the ages. In truth, Hades perhaps benefited more from it than she did. He need only glance at her and she would know what it was he needed, whether it be a quick exit from unpleasant interaction with a soul or a cup of freshly brewed tea. She studied his thin and bearded face now, his lips were pressed into a thin line and his eyes were observant. He was formulating a plan, not a punishment, no, but a plan. Hades did not like to be cheated, not that it was possible at all. But he hated that any mortal would even try and attempt to steal from the Underworld what was rightfully theirs. They both sat on their thrones as they looked at three mortals, two alive and one very much dead. A queen, a struggling savior and one dead pirate.
The women had journeyed into Hades together with a band of people who called themselves heroes, but Persephone knew they all could not live up to the title. Not in the way Achilles and Odysseus had so long ago. It felt cheap when she heard it being repeated in their minds as they marched towards the gates of the Underworld. So Hades had the ones he deemed unfit for his domain expelled to the land of the living. Only the two women now standing before them remained; Emma Swan and Regina Mills. She had seen deep within their souls and knew what lay hidden. There were no secrets to be kept in Hades, not by the dead, not by the living. The rulers of the Underworld knew them all, even if their keepers were painfully unaware. The plea that Emma Swan made was not dissimilar to one she had heard centuries before. She asked that her true love be allowed to return to land of the living with her and Persephone had smiled in nostalgia. If only she would have brought a lyre to make her words sound sincere. Maybe a song would have done something to persuade Persephone that the dead man standing between the two women was indeed her true love. She saw the pain in Regina Mills’ face as the other woman spoke. No, Regina Mills had not wanted to venture into Hades but she had come anyway. It was love that her dragged her down to the Underworld, Persephone had seen it all from her soul which remained tortured despite her recent years of healing.
Judging by the way her husband’s eyes slightly narrowed, she knew he was about to announce the test they would have try to pass and would surely fail. Persephone’s heart had remained soft and it was the yearning of Regina Mills’ soul that tugged at it. Emma Swan was merely fragmented, her soul was confused. Awash of white and black, having forgotten that it could be grey. So oblivious was she to her own suffering that she believed her soul to want the wrong person. Persephone had seen the fair haired mortal hesitate to touch Regina Mills as they made their way through the Underworld. She had witnessed the way the different colored streams of the magic danced around each other and became to defeat the beasts guarding Hades. The look upon Emma Swan’s face as she kept the other woman from falling into the river Styx had been unmistakable. With a shaky voice she had told her that she would not know what she would do if she lost her and Regina Mills’ eyes betrayed her longing. It was a look that had reminded Persephone of her own husband and it had moved her. The dark haired mortal’s restraint and tight composure was much like that of Hades himself and Persephone could not deny that some sort of affection had blossomed for her. It was something that seldom happened, especially in an age where people had forgotten the names of their old gods. She would intervene, Persephone decided, in the life of these two mortals.
“My dear husband, if I could steal but one minute of your time.” Her voice was gentle, knowing she would never have to beg anything from Hades. “I believe there are matters to take into consideration before anything is set.” His grey eyes were knowing and he nodded in agreement. A fog covered the mortals, both dead and living, so that they would neither see nor hear what transpired between the gods.
“Tell me, love, what you would ask of me.” He said with steady calm to his words.
“You know which two souls long for each other and which two do not but believe they do.”
“I do.”
“I also know that you enjoy your games and love the keeping of your rules. I know there is a way in which your concerns and mine could merge.” Persephone squeezed her husband’s hand.
“I thought matters of the heart were your half-sister’s domain, not yours.” He replied lowly glancing down at the fog that covered the mortals.
“Indulge me.” Persephone was aware that there was no real danger of Hades refusing her request. “You know that the soul that belongs in the Underworld will not leave it. There hasn’t been a game you have lost, my dear husband or a trial a mortal has passed in Hades yet. This is just giving two souls a fighting chance in the world of the living.”
Hades smiled faintly at her in submission. “Very well. I know what to do.”
Regina watched the two gods seated upon their thrones, King and Queen of the Underworld. They were nothing like she had expected. Hades was clothed in a grey three piece suit, a silver pocket watch was safely tucked into his pocket, and his leg crossed on top of the other in the way of a cigar smoking gentleman. His skin was tanned, as if he had not lived centuries surrounded by nothing but darkness. A few grey hairs popped in his thick beard and his dark hair was carefully groomed. Hades’ expression was solemn and his features were those of a handsome man on the right side of forty. Persephone, queen of this realm, was covered in a long and delicate gown purple in color. It hugged her body, her green eyes popped from her youthful dark skin and her curly hair flowed freely from her head. Regina had the distinct impression that the goddess was studying her with curious interest. Perhaps the Underworld was playing tricks on her but she thought she detected affection in Persephone’s face when their eyes met for a second.
“You must have been told by now that I do not easily grant favors. Especially to mortals.” Hades spoke quietly and directly Emma. He and Persephone had held council for a short while before deciding to deliver their judgement. “But your plight has touched the Queen’s heart and so I have determined that you will have what you yearn for, Emma Swan.” Regina’s heart sank before it could jump. The reason had become clear as she and Emma had made their way through Hades but that same reason became unimportant as she stood in this throne room, with Hook between them. She owed it to Emma to bury it in deep within herself.
“Wow. OK. Umm..Thanks.” Emma sounded more confused and overwhelmed than happy but then again, maybe it was just this place and its tricks. “Never underestimate the power of please, huh?”
“It is not without its conditions, Emma Swan.” This time Persephone spoke and her voice was gentle, like a spring breeze on blossoming saffron.
“Two trips out of Hades you will make.” The god told her. “In the first, you will take Regina Mills with you.” Regina felt her eyes widen at the mention of her name. True, she had not known what awaited them here, but she had certainly not expected this. “In the second, you will take the soul formerly known as Killian Jones.”
“I’m not sure I’m following.”
“In these trips, they will trail behind you. Neither Regina Mills nor Killian Jones will be able to walk by your side as you leave our Kingdom. You will not be able to hear them, not even the sound of their breath shall reach your ears.”
“Then how will I know that they’re leaving with me and not staying behind?” Emma put her hands into her pockets. A habit that the Dark One had lost but Emma had found again.
“You will have to trust that they are following. If you trust them with your heart, you will not look back.”
“What happens if she does?” Regina asked, still feeling Persephone’s gaze on her. Was that encouragement she detected upon the goddess’s face?
“If she does, then Hades will claim your soul, never to leave the Underworld.” She replied almost sweetly, as if she hadn’t pronounced a quasi-death sentence.
“Hey, no! That’s not a fair deal..no. Regina, Regina… she hasn’t died. I came back down here for Killian…she isn’t part of the deal.” Emma struggled with her words as she moved in front of Regina, her hand hovering over her torso. “Leave her out of this.”
“Emma…”
“I’m afraid she made herself part of the deal as soon as she set foot in Hades. Those in the Underworld will adhere to our rules and suffer the consequences if they break them.” All of this and there wasn’t even a threat of Hades raising his voice.
“No…”
“There can be no alterations to one of the King’s deals, Emma Swan. You either accept all of the terms or walk away empty handed.” Persephone smiled at them, it was a kind smile and it was starting to disturb Regina. She was beginning to think that severe and cruel rulers of the land of the dead would have been less unsettling than this serene and delicate pair. In fact, she would have preferred if they delighted in their toils and distress instead of this semblance of fairness.
“What’s it going to be, love?” Hook asked and he had a sound to him that indicated that he did not much mind the idea of staying behind. Regina wanted to slap him, weak even as a reanimated corpse.
“I…” Emma’s body was still shielding her from the gods but she had turned to look at Hook, indecisive.
“Take it.” Regina told her. “I’d hate to have all come this way for nothing.” If there was something worse than venturing into the Underworld for a worthless pirate it was having it all have been in vain. They had not sailed through a dark river for what seemed like an eternity, fought mythical monsters, walked through wailing souls and past the Plain of Judgement to quit now.
“Regina, I can’t ask you that…you can’t do this” Emma turned to look at her, her back facing the gods.
“The hell I can’t. Take the deal.” Regina let her hand take Emma’s. “I personally cannot wait to get out of here and back to our lives. So you can be sure I will be right behind you. No matter what.” Emma had given herself to darkness freely to save her and Regina…would rather not think of any of the implications of their sacrifices right now.
“You trust me like that? To not look back?” There had always been this lost puppy quality to Emma’s eyes that had always driven her up the wall and this time was no different. After having been covered in pure darkness Emma’s words had a new weight to them.
“At this point I’m offended you’d even ask.” Regina could not help it if her voice sounded gentler than she had intended. Softness seemed to be escaping her more frequently these days, these days in the land of the dead.
Emma gave her a sheepish smile. “OK. OK.” She turned back to face Hades and Persephone. “I accept your terms.”
“Good.” There was only a hint of satisfaction upon Hades’ face. “The journey will not be easy, Emma Swan. It will seem long and arduous, but no matter what…”
“I can’t look back. Yeah, Yeah. Got it.” There was some of the Dark One’s bite left in Emma and Regina found that she did not mind it. This time she was sure Persephone beamed when she heard Emma’s words and looked at Regina’s own face.
She hated this. No, she fucking hated this. And she had told Regina as much, in a hurry to get her words out before they set out of this hellhole. On their way down Emma had told her how parts of the Dark One remained all scrambled in her mind with her, how sometimes she’d get flashes of the darkness and she’d feel a thousand years old. She would remember a time before time and it all stretched back and in front of her. Sometimes Emma could remember all the gods that existed in all the realms and in all the kingdoms and sometimes she could only remember what Emma Swan’s favourite ice cream flavour had been. But now she told Regina how the Dark One had loved to toy with people and how gods had never been different. And that Regina should have never been part of this shitty deal and the right words were just not coming out of her mouth. Emma sounded like an idiot.
“Oh just shut up.” She rolled her eyes and squeezed her hand. “The sooner you stop trying to apologize the sooner we can get out of this place.”
“But…”Regina was infuriating sometimes. Well, most of the time but she did not mind.
“Nothing. Hades himself said it, I agreed to everything as soon as we ventured down here. I knew the risks, Emma.” In all the years she had known her Regina had never lost the power in her voice and if before she found it annoying now it gave her strength. “So quit being an idiot and get on with it.”
“You are unbelievable. I’m starting to think I’ll enjoy the quiet on the way up.”
“Likewise, dear.” Regina laughed and Emma joined in for a second. “Now let me fall back a bit.”
Emma gave her one last look and felt her stomach flip as she let go of her hand. “OK.” She turned around and began walking ahead.
She had been dead wrong. The silence sucked, there wasn’t so much a howling of the wind. It was going to drive her insane, only having her scrambled thoughts for company. It didn’t help that the Underworld gave her the creeps. It wasn’t hell, not really. There was no suffering throughout most of it, and quiet. Too quiet. But then she realized that life had sound and noises that hadn’t always been entirely welcomed. She probably should have been more grateful about the chirping birds and those rage drivers and their honks .Emma turned to her side to say those exact words to Regina when she remembered that she wouldn’t find her there. Great. She’d gotten used to having next to her and this was just going to suck so much ass.
“I hate the quiet, Regina.” Emma said to herself more than her. “I don’t know if you can hear me. I don’t think you can.” She laughed in resignation. “It’s just gonna be me talking to myself. Ha, I’m pretty sure that’s your personal hell, right there. Me talking, you not being able to stop it or cut in. Pretty hilarious when you think about it. Maybe Hades shares my sense of humor.”
Emma rambled on about nothing and everything. She didn’t want to think about how she couldn’t even hear the sound of Regina’s footsteps behind her. There was no light so that Regina could cast a shadow. Nothing. She knew she would be following behind, probably shaking her head and calling her an idiot but she did not trust Hades’ deal. What if this was all just an elaborate plan to have Emma walk out of the Underworld alone? What if he kept Regina and Emma just walked away? But then memories from the Dark One told her that Hades was not like it, Hades was a lover of words and rules. His word was sacred. Was it a strange feeling to be comforted by her memories from the Dark One. Then Emma felt her own thoughts and feelings come up and fear and doubt sneaked into the corners of her mind.
“I’m gonna kick Hades’ ass if you aren’t there, Regina.” Emma shook her head as she stopped for a break. “If all this was just some trap, I swear I’ll come back and yank that fancy suit off him and kill him. Who cares if he’s King of the dead.”
The ground grew less uneven as she kept her long march and it began looking less depressing In fact, it stopped looking like the land of the dead. There was still no sunlight or even a real sky to speak of, but it was not unpleasant. The surroundings kept improving the farther she walked and Emma found herself thinking that maybe this place wasn’t all that bad. Fields of purple and red flowers appeared, followed by barley and the illusion of fresh air. It wasn’t just not bad, it was downright beautiful. It was like went Dorothy went from black and white to Technicolor. Emma felt lighter than she had in a great long while and wondered if Regina was feeling the same. She hoped she was. Regina deserved some peace in this place after all she had done, all she had done for Emma.
“The kid told me about this place, I think.” Emma breathed heavily and briefly closed her eyes. “Elysian Fields. Well, I bet it was actually you who first told him about it. Right? It’s where heroes come when they die…He would have liked to see this. Hell, he’d probably run off into those fields and try to find some dead Greek guy to talk to.” She instinctively looked at her side and waited for a reply. Despite the lightness that filled her, she could not help it if she was tearing up. “You think this is where we’ll be when we die? My parents, I think my parents could be prom queen and king of Elysian Fields but me? I’m not so sure. I don’t know anymore, maybe I never did.” She kicked pebbles away from her. “Yeah, yeah. I know…stop being an idiot. I’ll try, Your Majesty. I’ll try.”
Emma had disrupted the eerie quiet of the Underworld with shaky laughs and her voice breaking at times. She was less composed than she had been before they reached the palace of Hades and Persephone. Solitude was getting to her, and Emma had admitted as much, believing that Regina could not hear her. It was the likely reason why tears had escaped her and jumped into her sentences. Of course Emma would speak freely when she thought she wasn’t listening. Here in Elysian Fields she seemed to be a contradiction of lightness and heaviness, Regina knew because she felt it too. Emma had asked if she thought that this would be their resting place when they died, here in this place where heroes slept in flower fields and the air felt pure. Before she could even think to reply with an answer that’d be lost in the wind, Emma had confessed that she wasn’t sure she belonged here.
“The self-loathing comes with being a hero.” Regina had told her unable to reach out to her. If the silent uncertainty was driving Emma insane then this impotence and powerlessness would be the death of her. No doubt Elysian Fields would be the Savior’s home, no one else could be more deserving and Regina hurt to think that she could not see this.
“If you’re not here, imagine where that would put me.” She thought that passing through the heroes’ paradise was perhaps a harder thing that moving through Tartarus. It would feel easier to try and escape a fiery pit of pain and torture than to leave all this beauty behind. It was harder to walk through this place believing that it could be the first and last time she was ever in it. “No rest for the wicked, remember? But that’s not me anymore, I know. I know.”
Filling in the gaps of Emma would only grow harder and it would not get easier in Storybrooke. Back home Regina would have to keep from jumping out of her skin when Robin wrapped his arms around her waist. She would have to stop herself from remembering what Emma’s hand in her hand felt like and would have to come up with excuses as to avoid Emma and the pirate. Who would have thought that Hades would be easier to live through than the world of the living? But Regina would do it if it meant seeing Emma put together and having her speak with her steady voice again.
“I hate this too. Probably more than you do.” Her voice was beyond upset. “This place is too much for me. Part of me wants to stay here because it would be easier. Because I may never return to it. And I hate myself for thinking that, because there’s Henry. And there’s you.” Regina was glad that her words were literally falling on deaf ears. “Trust a god to put paradise right on the way out of the Underworld. Maybe it’s my sense of humor Hades has.” A ghost of a smile passed over her lips.
Emma stopped to rest upon a boulder and she stretched out her arms and legs. Regina sat on the ground with her back against it, believing for some reason that it might lessen the temptation to look back.
“Man, this place really does not end.” She said with a tone of exhaustion Regina had never heard before.
“It’s supposed to feel endless. Eternity and infinity should go hand in hand after all.” Regina replied out of habit and felt annoyed when she remembered the conditions imposed on them.
“Guess when you’re dead and here for like forever you’d want this place as big as possible. Maybe Hades should invest in a bar and an arcade.” She snorted and Regina rolled her eyes with affection growing in her chest. Emma too was trying to fill in the gaps she had left and this is what it felt like to have her heart crushed.
“Well if Leroy is any indication, you can spend lifetimes drinking and yelling at slot machines. So you might be on to something.” Regina raised her knees up to her chest and rested her forehead on them.
“Leroy would definitely get in on that.” Emma mumbled and Regina laughed with her eyes tightly shut not wanting to think how tired she was and how much she ached. “We should probably get a move on. I know you hate being told what to do…”
“Miss Swan honestly,” It was difficult to remember that Emma could truly not hear her when she spoke like this. “I think you might be exaggerating some of my qualities.” She got to her feet and half expected to be met with Emma’s eyes and instead she got the back of her head with the blonde locks of thick hair. Regina kept her eyes on them as they continued their march through Elysian Fields.
Emma kept a steady pace and there seemed to be no rush in her steps. The road was even and easy, even if it did seem to stretch out endlessly. She never stopped thinking of Henry and how their son needed both his mothers, but Regina was grateful that Emma was not running towards the exit. Selfish, that’s what it was but she couldn’t help it. At least she now had the decency to feel guilty about it. They had come to Hades to rescue Emma’s true love, after all. The thought made her stomach jump in discomfort.
“God, I am STARVING.” Emma suddenly said in the strange kind of sync they were in. She seemed to have set her eyes on pomegranate tree growing on the side of the road. “Do you realize we haven’t eaten anything since we’ve been down here? Fuck. I’d fight those harpies again for a slice of your lasagna.” Hunger could be felt in Hades but it could not kill; Regina was surprised it had taken Emma this long to complain.
“I wouldn’t put it past you.” And then she saw Emma running off to cut a fruit from a branch. “EMMA STOP.” Regina ran after her, unable to catch up with her.
“I don’t think I’ve ever craved fruit in my life. I’ve never eaten one of these before. But I’m just so hungry…” She was eyeing it greedily and Regina felt her own desire grow in her belly. She shook her head remembering that they couldn’t eat any food from the Underworld. If they did they would never be able to leave it. Emma should know this with her Dark One memories, and Regina distinctively remembered giving the idiot a two minute lecture of accepting food from Hades as they made their way through the plain of judgement. If Regina could only snatch it away from her…
Emma suddenly dropped the pomegranate as if it had been a burning hot coal. “Oh shit, Regina. I’m sorry. It’s this place or maybe it’s me and my messed up mind. I just couldn’t help myself.”
“Of course you would endanger your soul over food. Always thinking with your stomach.” She crossed her arms and sighed in relief.
“Let’s just be grateful burgers don’t grow on trees.” Emma paused and took a deep breath as if to clear her mind. “You’re right, that’s not funny. Come on.”
“To think you’re the Savior.” Had Emma been able to hear her Regina would have scoffed. Now she just smiled melancholically and followed her.
Everything here was bright and she didn’t know that she would be able to look at the world the same. It occurred to Regina that’s what Emma had done to her. Before her she and Henry were the only thing that moved inside the grey little snow globe she had built were nothing moved or ever changed. And then Henry brought Emma home with him and suddenly time picked up its pace and when it did the world was different. She was different, alive like she hadn’t been in a long time. There had been no way she could look at her creation with the same eyes and everything that wasn’t Emma and Henry began to pale in comparison. Just like the world outside of this time and place would. The longer she trailed behind Emma the harder it became to keep her feelings buried.
“I love you.” Regina told her. “You can’t hear me right now and that’s how I can tell you this. I love you and I hate it. When we’re out nothing will be the same but I’ll have to pretend it is.” She let tears run freely because there was no danger of them being seen.
“I miss you.” Emma’s words only worsened her spirits. “If you knew that I bet I’d never hear the end of it.” She still didn’t sound stable, in fact it seemed to Regina that the closer they got to the Gate of Ivory the more Emma seemed to break. And it created a deep ache at the pit of her stomach, not understanding Emma. Wasn’t she getting what she wanted? A deal had been struck and Hook’s soul would return to their world with her. Isn’t that why they had crossed the land of the dead? If Emma wasn’t happy then what as all this for? Regina felt guilty for the resentment that built as their trek continued. She loved Emma, yes but she also hated her for not loving her back. Not in the way she wanted to be. Robin, he loved her but Regina had always known it wasn’t right. They had been put together by fairy dust like two puzzle pieces that had to their edges shaved in order to fit. They seemed to be an afterthought in someone else’s story. When they returned to the world Regina would have to end things with him. Because how could she look at him, pale and colorless as he would surely look to her, and act as if he was bright with color? How could she look at him and pretend he was Emma? How could she have done it for all this time?
It seemed to her that they walked for months. They were sleepless, these days. There was no night and no day, only perpetual twilight. Emma sometimes took to singing, rock ballads from the 70s and songs she would never admit to liking. Regina sang the words of her father’s kingdom, and Spanish lullabies she had sung to Henry when he was a baby. Anything to fill in this quiet void. At last, they came to a great ivory gate. It towered over them and nothing was visible beyond its threshold.
“This is the exit, right? I almost thought it’d have a big red sign, like at the movies.” Emma said stopping short of crossing it.
“Well, I don’t think Cineplex was a thing in ancient Greece.” Regina’s chest inflated with love and fear all in the same breath.
“Stupid, I know.” Emma seemed to be studying the Ivory Gate. She touched it with trepidation and Regina knew she was checking it was real and not an illusion. “I guess this is it.” There was hesitation in her voice. “Ready?”
“I don’t know.” Regina replied truthfully
“Yeah, me too.” Those three words were the most undecipherable ones she’d ever come across. Emma crossed through the gate.
The wind was brisk when it met her and the night was dark. Trees were nothing more than shapes of blue and grey under the moonlight but before Regina could take it all in she felt Emma’s arms around her neck. Without realizing it, her own arms wrapped around Emma’s frame. Regina breathed her in, feeling like a thief touching what was not hers but desperately wanted to steal. As if a spell had been broken, Emma stepped back with an unreadable look on her eyes.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t…I’m sorry.” Her cheeks had flushed in embarrassment. Regina hoped hers retained their color, even if her heart bumped blood faster and faster as she looked at Emma.
“It’s fine. It’s been a long day.” Regina gave her a small smile, not wanting to tear her eyes from her. Emma’s face was gaunt and her eyes were threatening to close but she still managed to snort. It evolved into a loud and ungraceful laugh and Emma put her hands on her knees, trying to reign in her laughter.
“That…that is the understatement of the year.” She said raising her body up and something in her gaze shifted. It made Regina want to bring her lips to hers and the realization only made it hurt to look at her. “This is all too much, Regina. It’s too much. I…I..thank you.”
“You would have done the same for me. You have.” Regina couldn’t help it if her hand strayed into hers, like she had become accustomed. Emma nodded and bit her lip.
“I need to get back.” There was resignation in her tone.
“Hook”. Regina added and again, Emma only nodded. “Rest first. Or at the very least, eat something.”
Emma flashed her a suggestive smile. “Not going to let the pomegranate thing slide, are you?”
“Never. Emma…”
“I rather just get this done. I’ll rest when I get back.” There was this sad determination on Emma’s expression. The look of someone with a heavy burden, willingly taken.
“But…” Regina didn’t need to say she worried about her.
“Look, I’m fine. I’ll be back in no time. Then you can force feed me if you want.” Her eyes seemed to beg not to push her further, not to ask her to stay again because she just might accept.
“Ok.” She hoped her face hid her defeat better than her voice.
“Ok.” Emma echoed. “Tell the kid I’ll be back soon. Tell him about everything. Gorgons, centaurs, three-headed dogs. Everything” This time it was Regina who pulled her into an embrace; she’d scold herself afterward. And for a minute they were unbreakable in the dark of the night. They silently broke apart with their eyes still locked together.
“I…umm..” Regina almost let herself slip. “Be careful, Emma.” It was all she could say.
“Ah, yeah…I.I will.” She gave her hand a final squeeze and began making her way deep into the woods from where they had first entered Hades.
Leaving Regina standing in that clearing had felt just horrible as having her trail behind. Both times she had not looked back, one out of obligation and another out of choice. The second one had been the hardest. Emma’s thoughts were still all over the place, part of her felt like the energizer bunny on crack and the other part just wanted to sink into her mattress and sleep for a thousand years. But she was going back for Killian. It’s what she had set out to do and now she was half-way done. Soon everything would be back to normal, back to where things had been before everything had gone to absolute shit. Not that before things made sense to her, not even when her brain didn’t feel like scrambled eggs. But somehow she believed that Killian would fix things. True love was supposed to conquer all and she would just have to believe. If only Henry was here to make have faith that all these things were true.
She stopped a minute to catch her breath and shake all the funny feelings she shouldn’t be having. This was the right thing, the stuff that made popcorn movies and men write songs about, but why did it feel wrong? And did she feel like shit for feeling like this. Emma wasn’t supposed to be thinking these things, her determination should be like steel but deep down she knew that it wasn’t. The blame could be placed on her fried brain and the way nothing stood still, not even for a second when she was alone like this. Only with Regina by her side had it been a little less frantic inside and she didn’t have her now, not even silently walking behind her. This time around Hades was really going to be hell. True love would fix this, true love would fix her. Emma’s lungs gathered as much fresh air as they could before she plunged into the darkness of the cave that was the entrance to the Underworld.
The beasts that had before attacked her and Regina were restrained, like someone was yanking on their leashes to keep them in line. She wouldn’t have guessed that kindness was something Hades would show; Emma suspected that this was all the Queen’s doing. Persephone had eyed Regina in a weird way that had Emma’s pulse speed up with something angry and…she had not wanted to think about it then and she did not want to do it now. Not when there were others things to worry about. The crossing of the river Styx was smoother than before, Charos remained creepy as he had been the first time around and Emma was about to say it aloud before she realized that there was no Regina to catch her words. How fucking amazing.
The dead stuck to Emma as she made her way her way through the Valley of the Mourning. They were these spirits, with no shape or form and they just cried and cried and it was driving her crazy. She did not remember it being this bad, now they seemed to want to suck her in. Like they could feel sadness inside her and thought she was one of them. Her magic was weaker now but she used whatever light she had left to drive them back into the shadows and away from her. It had been stronger the first time around, the golden white in her magic mixing with the burgundy of Regina’s. Emma should stop thinking about that, stop thinking about what she did not have and start feeling excited about what she would soon be getting. But Emma just couldn’t bring herself to do it even as her feet kept her on course back to the palace of Hades and Persephone.
“Back again, Emma Swan.” Hades told her as he checked a pocket watch. “The first half of your task has been completed.”
“You don’t sound too happy about that.” She spat back, not in the mood for being polite.
“I am neither pleased nor displeased. What’s fair is fair.” He said with a weird sort of calm.
“Now for the second half of the deal to be fulfilled.” Persephone gave her a warm look but it was nothing like the way she had looked at Regina and Emma scowled at the thought of it.
Hades snapped his fingers and Killian materialized next to Emma, just like he had when she had entered this throne room. He looked at her and she couldn’t place his expression, Killian smiled but like he was forcing himself to. Her guts turned into the knots when she realized that she was mirroring him.
“When you have reached the Gate of Ivory once more I will owe you nothing.” Hades seemed more concerned with his wife than with her. He looked at her like he expected no recognition and gave adoration in return. Emma thought she had seen that look on someone else’s face before, not on Killian’s. Her scrambled mind didn’t know what to make of that.
“Go now, so that you and your true love may be together.” Persephone’s voice was cool and airy and Emma only nodded before she left the throne room with Killian beside her. He had reached for her hand and Emma felt the coldness of his palm.
“It will soon be over, love. Not to worry.” He kissed her and Emma had to tell her lips to move. What was wrong with her? Eggs for brains, that’s what.
“I know.” She couldn’t even meet his not-dead-not alive eyes. “Now, let me go ahead so we can start the way back.” Her hand fell from his and he said nothing as he stood in his spot.
After what she thought had been an hour had passed she sighed and said to Killian or to no one, “I just want this to be over.”
The road was familiar to her now but she was beyond exhausted. Emma needed soft sheets that smelled like sunshine and strong arms to hold her tightly. She wanted warm food in her stomach resting right under a cold beer. Home, she wanted to be home. Her eggs for brains mind was playing around with the definition of it and she had to focus harder on the word. Home, home. Henry, who was getting taller and taller every day. His voice cracked sometimes and she’d tease him about it and stopped only when Regina half glared at her. Home was an extra piece of apple pie sealed in a Tupperware and not-so gentle reminders of things to do. Why? Why wasn’t she thinking of Killian when she thought of home? What was he if not that? Killian had been a strong grip on her wrist, a shadow, and her mother’s hopes for her. He’d been her chance for dresses and to be on someone’s arm and fuck how she had played along. How she had told herself, when she saw the way her parents’ eyes shone, that this was what she had wanted. This rough love that wanted to break down her walls instead of asking her to lower them.
The darkness had taken Killian and once he discovered it inside himself, he took it and mixed it with anything that had been hiding. Pain and death, those were his threats. And now she saw that he had come so close to destroying her home yet Emma had promised she’d find him, always find him. Words she knew were not hers, stolen from someone else’s story. A bitter laugh escaped her because she had dragged Regina down with her to the Underworld for a rescue mission. Of course she hadn’t turned her back on her, not even when her parents and Robin had been kicked the hell out of here. Maybe she could find the strength to have it mean something, Killian was probably walking behind her. Wasn’t there some sort of obligation to at least keep trying? No. No. Yes. No. Yes.
Elysian Fields surrounded her once again, with its not so-real sky and wind. The flowers were still red and purple but they weren’t the same. Emma could not explain it, but it something was out of place or perhaps missing. Deep down she knew what was missing, but she wouldn’t say it. She couldn’t. There was the boulder where Emma had stretched out on and felt her toes itching to burst out of her worn out boots but Emma walked right past it, her feet picking up a faster pace. Not long after Emma saw the pomegranate tree that had almost fucked her over one of its fruits and she didn’t feel her stomach growl at the sight of it. There was no hunger or the temptation to crack it open and stay here. There was only the rush to leave and get back and see…see everyone again. To be home again.
This time around she did not sing any Zeppelin or CCR, no stairways to heaven no bad moons were had now. Something inside almost grew and almost exploded when she realized that she had not minded the silence as she kept walking. Emma wasn’t talking to the air and imagining what Killian would have to say, it didn’t hurt to think of him walking behind instead of beside her. Not like it did with Regina. She hadn’t cried once and even with her energizer thoughts Emma just felt empty. Just a shell, like the ones Mary Margaret kept around the loft for decoration. When it had been Regina that followed, she’d had been so sure of it, so sure of her. No empty shell-ness, of course her thoughts had been so scattered and fucked up over not seeing her or even feeling her, but she had been full. Full of…oh shit.
She loved Regina and to think she had come all this way for her true love. Emma had punched one of the heads of hydra for fuck’s sake and almost got her ass trampled on by centaurs. What a mess she had made of things, she had even struck a deal with the god of the dead for this. What was she supposed to do now? There was nothing on any story about what you should when things had gone to shit because your rescue mission to hell and back was pointless because turns out you were in love with your kid’s mother all along. Her thoughts seemed to cool down when she realized this and oh things made sense now. But then she remembered that upstairs Regina had an outlaw who loved her and made her happy. How could she act like nothing had changed inside her now? She’d hide, make up excuses, anything not to face her. And Killian…there was Killian. Could she stay with him, his arm tight around her waist as she watched Regina share her smiles with Robin? Emma thought that maybe she could, for Regina she could pretend she was happy with her choices. Hell, maybe she would grow to be happy. She had convinced herself that he was her true love at point, she could it again, couldn’t she?
Emma’s body was feeling heavier and she was dragging it as she went along the endless road back to the Gate of Ivory. The words of Hades were stuck in her mind, like a bad pop song. “You will have to trust that they are following. If you trust them with your heart, you will not look back.” And now that she knew that she was stupidly in love with Regina, it was harder and harder to keep from looking back. Emma wondered of Killian felt everything she was feeling, or if he could feel at all. As the days went by Emma found herself curving her head at the last second, avoiding even glancing backwards. She would sigh and apologize to Killian, doubtful that he was listening. But the temptation to look back was like an itch she couldn’t scratch and Emma just wanted this to be over, even if what waited for back in Storybrooke was going to be so much worse. The end was almost near, she would have to fight the urge just a little bit longer.
Time moved slower now, now that the Gate of Ivory was closer and Emma didn’t know how much longer she could keep from looking back. Finally, the gate appeared in the distance and Emma practically ran to it. Feeling about to pass out she stopped short of crossing it, her eyes fighting off the dark and her chest struggling to get air into her lungs. If she wasn’t careful she’d end up staying in the Underworld as a permanent resident.
“Steady, steady Emma.” She told herself but the urge to turn around and look at Killian was becoming greater and greater. With a hand against the cold ivory, she decided that she could not fight it any longer. Emma had to know. “I’m sorry, Hook.” With the strength she had left, Emma turned around. And there was no-one and nothing. Hook wasn’t there being snatched away by some invisible hand, there were no questions demanding answers. There was nothing on the ground below that there had been another person following her, nothing that told her that Hook had been dragged away against his will. He hadn’t been walking behind her and there was no way of knowing if he had ever been there. There was relief filling Emma and she felt so guilty. It was bad that her breathing was easier now because in the end she had not trusted him and had been proven right. It was a complicated feeling that did not have the mental strength to figure out just now. Sighing, Emma crossed into the now certain darkness.
The day was bright outside, too bright for her eyes that had become used to Hades. The air was fresh again and she took it all in, relieved and sad all in one breath.
“Emma!” She heard Mary Margaret and David calling from somewhere behind her.
“Ma!” Henry followed and at that Emma smiled. The kid practically tackled her to the ground, he was like a growing puppy that was still getting used to its big dog body.
“Careful kid, fresh off the Underworld. I’m a little woozy.” Emma told him as she rubbed his back.
“Sorry. Here, lean on me.”
“Where’s Killian?” Her mother’s eyes were searching and maybe a little desperate.
“He…uhh. Hook decided to stay.” Was the best Emma could manage to say. She was tired and felt her body growing limp against Henry. David called her name and the kid tried to hold her as best he could but she passed out.
Slowly Emma opened her eyes, still hating how bright the Sun was up here. There was a mattress under her and a thick duvet over her. The dirty jeans she had worn to the Underworld had been peeled off and she realized she was at the loft. Emma sat up and shook her head, trying to make herself stand up just as Henry came into the bedroom to check on her.
“Ma, you’re up!”
“Hey, kid.” She smiled, covering her bare legs with the duvet. “How long was I out?”
“Ehh, couple of days? Mom didn’t have it as bad as you did. She said you should eat as soon as you came to. Hold on, I’ll go get the food she left!”
“Kid, wait…”But he was down the stairs before she could stop him. Regina, she needed to know about Regina.
After several beeps of the microwave Henry came back with enough to food to feed an army. Regina had probably meant for the food to last several servings but the kid had gotten excited and well she didn’t have the heart to turn it away. And she really was hungry.
“How long were we gone?” Emma asked with a mouthful of Regina’s arroz con pollo in her mouth.
“You and mom? Almost two months.” Shit. She hadn’t expected it to last that long, Emma hadn’t thought enough about Henry being left alone after they decided it was best he stayed behind. Two months without his mothers. Stupid, thoughtless. “When mom came back, you were gone for another three weeks.”
“Henry, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Emma pushed aside her plate and hugged him as tightly as she could. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s OK, Ma. You did what you had to do. I knew you’d be back. So did mom.” The way he spoke about Regina was protective and possessive, like he was scared she would hurt her. And it stung to hear it from him again, so soon after the Dark One’s cursed had been lifted.
“How is your mom? Did she make it back alright?” Maybe she was coming off strong because the kid folded his arms on his chest and it was like looking at a carbon copy of Regina.
“She’s fine. Slept for a whole day when she got back home. Just passed out on the couch as soon as she saw it.”
“Yikes. Where is she, by the way?” And by that Emma meant, why isn’t she here?
“At home. It’s Sunday and she’s making dinner. Something about celebrating small victories, or whatever.”
“Am I invited to dinner?” Emma asked feeling she was walking around some serious egg shells.
“She said if you had stopped snoring by then to bring you along.” That’s how she knew that Regina had come in to check on her, rolled her eyes at her ungracefulness and left.
“Do you want me to come, Henry?” She locked her eyes with his.
“What? Ma, yeah, why wouldn’t I?” He sighed, he was thinking his words over. “Just…just be careful with her, OK?”
The mansion smelled of fresh basil and oregano. Emma had only learned to pick them up as distinct scents because of Regina and now she knew just why her heart swelled up whenever she walked through the door.
“Mom, we’re home!” Henry yelled from the foyer and hearing that made her heart jump. He gave Emma a pointed look and rushed up the stairs to his room to finish up his biology project before dinner.
She found Regina with her hair tied into a neat bun and with her apron dirty with flour. Everything about her was full of color and God had she been the world’s biggest idiot.
“Hey.” Emma sounded like an awkward teenager.
Regina spared her a shy smile and avoided her eyes. Henry had told her to be careful with her, as if she was china that had been glued back together. “Don’t mention Robin.” He had practically ordered her and seeing her now she understood his concern. “Emma, hi.”
“Kid said you were making dinner. You don't mind, do you?” She was blaming it all on Henry, hiding behind him was nothing new for her when it came to Regina.
“Of course not .” Regina was too quiet and she seemed like the lights around her had been dimmed. And she still wouldn’t look at her. “I’m glad you’re back home safe.”
“Me too.” Emma wanted to shake her and ask her what the hell was going on but then she remembered Henry “handle with care” warning and offered her help in the kitchen.
“What are we making?” Food seemed to be a safe ground for them.
“Moussaka. The bread’s already in the oven.”
“Hmmm…” Emma peeked at her as she chopped onions, a strand of hair fell on her eyes. She was desperately fighting the urge to tuck back into place. “What is that?”
“It’s Greek.” At that Regina smiled and dared to look at her for a second. “Side effects of travelling through Hades for two months.”
“At least that’s the excuse you’re going with.” Her tone turned playful and hoped Regina would take the bait.
“It’s a perfectly valid theory, Miss Swan.” It was three seconds of hope. “Pass the nutmeg, please.” Their conversation was reduced to instructions and requests to stir a sauce or turn the heat. Emma felt like she was dying. What if Hades had changed her? Is that why Henry had appointed himself Regina’s body-guard? Shit. He probably blamed her and she was bound to agree with him that whatever was going with Regina was her fault.
But then dinner time came and Henry’s heavy big dog thumps hurried down the stairs and Regina was telling him to slow down, glowing like she always did. She still smiled in satisfaction when she saw them both practically burning their tongues off with the hot food. Shaking her head, Regina handed her a cloth napkin when she saw her licking her fingers and asked her from refraining from displaying her lack of table manners. And oh, maybe Regina wasn’t quite so fragile. Maybe she hadn’t completely fucked up things for her. Henry helped cleared the table and kissed Regina’s cheek before heading upstairs. That kiss had been as much a sign of love for Regina as it had been a warning for Emma. They needed to have a talk, but not tonight.
“Umm…Regina, can we talk?” She stuck her hands in her pockets, not knowing how to best keep them to herself.
“Yes. I suppose we should. Drink?” Regina opened the fridge and held up a beer, which she most definitely never drank. She’d bought it strictly for Emma and this was just plain ridiculous.
“Thanks.” She took the bottle from her hand, feeling electricity going down her spine as her fingers briefly touched hers. Regina motioned to her study and Emma followed.
Emma settled onto the couch and watched Regina pour herself a tall glass of hard cider from a decanter. She took a big gulp, as if it was medicine to steady herself and settled next to Emma.
“Where’s Hook, Emma?” She couldn’t figure out if the words were angry or sad.
“He decided to stay.” Emma repeated what she had told Mary Margaret and she should have known that it would not fly with Regina.
“That’s what Henry told me.” She turned to look at her and holding her gaze for the first time in the evening. “Now, what really happened?”
Well, it was just like Regina to go for the jugular straight away. “Remember Hades’ conditions?”
“Like I could ever forget.”
“I..umm…I failed. I looked back. Right at the very end, I couldn’t help myself.” Emma took a swig out of her beer.
“I’m sorry.” Regina had closed her eyes, like she was considering all the implications. “I really am, Emma.” She reached for Emma’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze before she seemed to remember something and pulled away.
“Don’t be. Hook wasn’t there when I turned to look. No trace that he had ever been there.”
“That weak, false...” Regina drowned the rest of her sentence with cider.
“To be honest, I was relieved.” It felt good to get it out in the open.
“What?” She practically choked on her drink and placed a hand over her heart.
“I…I. On the way back, I wondered if Hook and…if maybe we were not supposed to be together. And I guess in the end I got my answer.”
“Was it the answer you wanted?”
“It was the one I needed.” Emma considered an idea for a second. “You think Hades planned it this way?”
“With help from his Queen, most certainly.” Regina laughed and it sounded completely hers, like whatever was holding her back was vanishing.
When her cider was gone and Emma had moved on to her second beer Regina spoke again. “I’m not with Robin anymore.”
“I assumed by the way the kid seems to be guarding you 24/7.” Emma shifted closer to her, feeling she was allowed.
“Is he?” Regina threw her head back and Emma knew there was a secret the two of them shared.
“It’s cute. A little scary seeing him glare so much like you, but cute.” She placed her beer down, taking care it was on a coaster. “Why aren’t you together anymore?”
“Same reason you couldn’t keep yourself from looking back, I suppose.” Regina took a deep breath. “We were wrong. Fairy dust or not. It wasn’t fair, to either one of us.”
“Hmmm.” Emma felt lighter and with nursing a pleasant buzz she thought it was safe to try a little more honesty. “It’s funny. It never crossed my mind to look back at you.”
Regina lifted her head in surprise. “Why not?”
“I trusted you, just like you trusted me not to turn back.” This time Emma made sure to keep her eyes on Regina. She hoped that Regina remembered the words of Hades as well as she did and understood what this meant because Emma was bad at saying things like "I love you". There was this look on Regina’s face and Emma recognized it. It was the same one Hades had used when looking at Persephone when she’d met them for the second time, the same she couldn’t place at the time. How Emma loved her. She reached for her, to find that Regina met her halfway. This time her lips did not need to be told to move and Regina’s hands were warm under her shirt. Her thoughts her still and her brain was a different kind of fried, registering Regina’s teeth on her lower lip.
“We had to go to Hades and back to come to this.” Regina told her when broke apart. “How very typical.”
“It wouldn’t be us if it had been easy.” Emma felt warmth spreading through when she saw the way she smiled at hearing those words. “It’s good to be home.”
“Took us long enough.”