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beep.
beep.
beep.
beep.
“you don’t have to stay here, councilor. please, get some rest. we will inform you if anything changes.”
the noise was sharp and constant, assaulting Jayce’s ears like a needle periodically prickling his skin, like a tag on a new shirt scratching the back of his neck, a pebble in his shoe that he couldn’t take out because that would mean stopping and he was in a hurry.
beep.
t-shhh.
beep.
t-shhh.
“it’s alright, I’ll stay. I think I- can I get a moment with him?”
the sough of the respirator made him think of the calmest, gentlest of winds, carrying the distinct feel of static, so thick it almost had a smell. the quiet before the storm - he was never afraid of thunder, but this time seeing it finally crashing down was his deepest, darkest fear.
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
there were currents everywhere, electricity in every corner. wires upon wires; he didn’t know a person could have so many catheters stuck in their arms and hands.
“are you sure, councilor? it’s late, we have staff on night watch, you can go home.”
he sighed, slouching in his chair, his hand unintentionally moving to his forehead, pulling the hair in the front of his already ruined slick-back forward, rubbing against his temple, finally pinching the bridge of his nose. every word spoken by the assisting nurse bounced off the walls of the hospital room and off the inside of his head. he was only now starting to notice the high pitch of her voice, the odd way she pronounced certain words, little details grabbing his attention and making it almost impossible to piece the sentences together.
sure. the quiet whistle at the beginning of the word.
late. an explosive t at the end.
watch. another whistle, following the last sound.
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
“can I please get a moment alone with him?” Jayce asked again, his gaze a little too intense, too smoldering as he looked at the nurse from between his fingers. he didn’t intend to, but he was somewhat glad that he could make her listen with one glare.
“ah- yes, yes, of course. sure.”
sure. a whistle again. sss-ure.
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
the heels of the nurse’s shoes clicked on the floor, the door opened, then closed - gently, as if she’d have to worry about waking Viktor up; on his end, Jayce would be happy if she did. only when he heard her steps fade in the distance did he look at his partner again.
“Vik?”
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
“Vik…”
he didn’t know what it was - the late hour, his own tiredness, the fear that sharpened his senses or the lack of any human-made noise, but by now he was sure that the machines keeping Viktor alive were installed directly in his head, which was a disgustingly selfish thought to have, honestly. it entailed that somehow his presence was what the man needed to survive, and if that was true…
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
he should have been there with him in the first place.
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
maybe if there was someone at the lab with him, someone who could react immediately, he wouldn’t have to fight for his life surrounded by those awful, noisy machines, his artificial mourners early to an imaginary funeral, practicing their weeping and their last goodbyes.
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
collapsed on the floor, they said.
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
Sky found him hours after the initial attack took place, they said.
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
usually, Jayce didn’t mind the sound of machines. he was an inventor, and before that he was a smith. he was bad with people, though he always knew how to mask it well enough that most didn’t realize; sometimes, a machine could be more comforting than a person - his own creation, the product of his own mind and handywork, well-studied and understood.
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
he used to love the lab because it was quiet; how did he never notice how the sounds various mechanisms made grated on his ears?
perhaps he forgot.
he forgot, because for so long now he was never alone with them, because Viktor was there with him. because finally, finally, there was someone who truly understood him, a mind alike, gears that turned in tune with his.
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
“Viktor, please…”
he missed the lab and he missed his partner. he missed when the only thing on his mind was making the world a better place, together. he missed speaking and actually being heard. in the council, everyone always talked over one other, tried to drown each other out, as if speaking louder would make their opinion more right. in the council, everything was a game of the highest stakes and every day was a test. every word had to be measured and utmost precise, there was no time for follow-up comments. in the council, there was no real conversations.
he missed those. real conversations , just like what him and Viktor had over the gentle buzz of static, clinging of tools, chalk tapping against the blackboard; it was their voices that conducted the orchestra of little sounds, that made them more than just noise .
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
“I- I’m sorry, I should have been there, I- I- I didn’t know, I-”
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
in the hospital, the noise was not music and his voice was not a part of some strange harmony. no, in the hospital, the machines were an extension of the doctors, professionally empathetic, factual, straight to the point, keeping the man alive as they commented on his state in their strange, mechanical language, exchanging dry comments.
in that bed, surrounded by cables and wires and IVs, Viktor looked so weak and small. Jayce never really paid attention to how sickly pale his partner was, how his limbs were wiry and how his bad leg appeared just a tad thinner, how deep the shadows under his eyes were and how he was getting his first wrinkles, still faint yet noticeable under careful examination.
no, when Jayce looked at him, he saw his furrowed brows and his lips pursed in a thin line when the other man was focusing on something and the twinkle in his eyes once he came up with a solution. little smiles accompanying jokes only the two of them understood, probably not even remotely funny to anyone else - not that anyone else ever heard them. elegant hands, slim and nimble as they tinkered with a piece of machinery, their own machinery, their pride and joy and the symbol of everything they accomplished together, not the soulless, beeping and wheezing, judgemental medical apparatuses. sharp features to compliment an ever sharper mind. a body that moved gracefully despite its many flaws, firmly enveloped in the intricate designs of metal and leather braces. cigarette smoke veiling his face whenever he took a break by his favorite window, always at the same time when the sun was just right and Jayce was barely shy of staring, of reaching for a pencil and sketching out a portrait of his greatest inspiration. Viktor was pale and skinny, yes, but not scarily so; to Jayce, he resembled something fleeting; maybe it was a music note, or maybe he looked like what a breakthrough felt like.
did he always look so breakable?
no, it couldn’t have been, not the Viktor he knew. he wasn’t weak and he wasn’t fragile, he was-
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
“if I knew- god, I’ve been wasting so much time, Viktor, I’m so sorry, I-”
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
“god, would you shut up?”
the soft look in Jayce’s eyes disappeared momentarily when he looked over at one of the machines, replaced with something stern and angry; it didn’t work quite as well as it did on the nurse. perhaps the machines were not a mere extension of the doctors’ hands, perhaps they were something even colder than the touch of a scalpel.
he’s been away, watching time slip through his fingers on countless hours-long meetings that proved as productive as five brief minutes in the lab, on social gatherings where everyone secretly hated each other and viewed other people as nothing but political arguments or weapons, in the arms of a woman he never knew how to make happy when someone he could create symphonies with was passed out on the floor of what was slowly becoming less and less of their space, at the mercy of blind luck and unforgiving time.
and now, Jayce couldn’t even apologize because those apparatuses wouldn’t stop fucking beeping and crackling and buzzing and-
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
he took a deep sigh, trying to calm himself.
it was good that they were making those noises, it was good because they were keeping his partner alive, but by god, would they stop rattling his brain so he could focus?
there was something at the tip of his tongue, that pesky idea in his head that he could never fully come up with, that he was sure he could grasp if he could please, please get one day when things would be like they used to be, when he could lock himself in the lab with his partner and do what they did best, not this… whatever it was he’s been telling himself he could manage these days, if he could think for just a moment and maybe figure out why everything felt so wrong.
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
beep. beep. be-beep.
t-shhh!
bz-z-z-z-t!
and then, there was a rustle, so quiet it barely managed to break through the noise, barely even there. a movement, slow, uncertain.
did he want to move? did he want to leave whatever dream has consumed hours of his life so thoroughly that he refused to let it fade?
it was instinctual when Jayce reached for Viktor’s hand to feel the other man squeeze his fingers, the pressure so weak that it could have been unnoticeable if he wasn’t awaiting that one little sign with bated breath.
beep. be-beep.
“Jayce?”
his voice was so hoarse, so quiet, just a breath, but it was more than enough.
t-shhh!
“Vik- Viktor, god, you’re- I was so worried-!”
bz-z-z-z-t!
Viktor’s forehead wrinkled slightly, his eyebrows tightly knit together, his lips pulled back into a line before they pursed again. he was trying to piece things together, clearly, but the image was still blurry.
“fuck…”
he tried to pull himself up on one elbow but the other man’s free hand, gentle yet insistent, pushed him back down, thumb rubbing over his shoulder subconsciously.
“don’t move, just lay down, please.”
“Jayce.”
that tone, persistent, even a little annoyed, as if he was merely told to sit back down when he stood up too fast and Jayce could tell he was getting lightheaded, that tone he knew so damn well. he’d get annoyed if it was any other day, any other situation, because hell, he was just trying to be helpful , but now he was just glad to see the other waking up.
beep. be-beep.
finally, Viktor opened his eyes, the effort visible in every little muscle in his face, in the deep vertical line between his eyebrows, his clenched jaw; he blinked a couple times, blinded by the cold light keeping both the scary and the comforting shadows equally at bay, before he looked back at his partner.
“don’t move, I’ll get the doctor, I’ll- just please, stay where you are, I’ll be right back.”
Jayce made the first move to stand up, but Viktor’s grip on his hand strengthened before it could slip out of his own, struggling yet not faltering in the effort to pull him back.
“you’re here,” he said; perhaps this whole thing would have been easier if he didn’t sound so surprised.
beep.
“of course I am.”
t-shhh.
“what time is it? it’s so dark out…”
bzz-t!
“I don’t know, late. I’ve been waiting.”
beep.
t-shhh.
bzz-t!
“you…”
“don’t be stupid, of course I have.”