Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Nam-Gyu doodles in his notebook as Su-Bong interrupts the class, arriving 20 minutes late.

The teacher scolds him, and Su-Bong half-heartedly apologizes. Once the teacher turns back to the board, Su-Bong starts making mocking gestures. A few people chuckle quietly. Nam-Gyu smiles.

Su-Bong takes the seat behind him, humming some rhythm he probably just made up.

"And?" Nam-Gyu begins without looking away from the front. "What happened this time?" he asks with genuine curiosity. Su-Bong and he used to take the same bus, at the same time, every day to school. Since they were five, almost without exception. Su-Bong doesn’t like being apart from Nam-Gyu, and Nam-Gyu doesn’t like being apart from Su-Bong.

"The useless old man was passed out on the sidewalk in front of the house, so I had to carry him."

Nam-Gyu raises an eyebrow but believes him. He knows Su-Bong’s father is an alcoholic.

Su-Bong used to come to his house after being beaten by his father and cry himself to sleep.

That was back when they were kids. Now they’re in their last year of high school, and at this point, Su-Bong pretends it doesn’t bother him, and Nam-Gyu pretends to believe him.

What’s surprising here is that the old man isn’t dead yet. Years and years of alcoholism and drunken fights should’ve been enough to kill him. Unfortunately, as they say, bad weeds never die.

Nam-Gyu adjusts his glasses with one hand and taps his pencil against his notebook with the other as he tries to make sense of the teacher’s lesson on mechanical waves.

He’s not a genius, not even close, but he tries. He works to understand every topic for his own grades and for Su-Bong. The latter is really bad at almost every subject, especially those involving numbers. He always asks Nam-Gyu for extra tutoring sessions at home.

It’s hell trying to explain how simple harmonic motion works to that idiot, but if he fails a year, they’d be separated, and Nam-Gyu doesn’t want that.

After all, this is the last year they have before Nam-Gyu goes to university and Su-Bong starts (or tries to start) his music career.

He doesn’t know how much things will change once they graduate. He doesn’t want to think about it too much either. He’s going to enjoy his best friend/love of his life for as long as he can.

And yes, he knows it’s a little (or way too) stupid to fall in love with his best friend, who sees him as a brother and is also a guy.

When he was younger, he thought it was normal: Su-Bong was his first and only friend, the one who understood him so well and with whom he could spend hours and hours without getting bored. But as time went on, with adolescence and all the hormone-fueled chaos that comes with it, he started wanting more from Su-Bong, even dreaming about him.

It started innocently enough: Su-Bong gently touching his cheek. Then, his fantasies became more intense: Su-Bong touching his neck, his back; Su-Bong grabbing him by the hips, Su-Bong kissing him, Su-Bong leaving marks on his neck and— well, you can imagine the rest.

Despite this, Nam-Gyu doesn’t consider himself "a faggot."

He isn’t, considering he’s never liked any other boys besides Su-Bong. But he’s not entirely "normal" either because he’s never liked any girls, right? So, what does that make him?

Maybe he should take a trip to the computer lab and search it online. Maybe someone out there has a similar problem—.

"Nam-Gyu." A whisper behind him interrupts his thoughts, pulling him back to where he is: in class, where he should be paying attention. Shit. Instead, he was nearly having a crisis about his sexuality.

"What?" he asks, not expecting anything in particular. Su-Bong can never focus in class and always ends up chatting about random things with him.

"Mi-Na said yes. We're dating now."

It’s so sudden that the tip of Nam-Gyu’s pencil snaps against the paper with a dry crack. The pressure he’d been unconsciously applying was too much. Su-Bong doesn’t seem to notice, thank God.

"Why?" he blurts out without thinking, turning to look at him. Su-Bong frowns.

Still, his question is genuine. Su-Bong is the most handsome guy he’s ever seen, also the funniest, and although he’s a bit rough and dumb, he’s still the guy of his dreams. The thing is, no one else thinks the same. No one could because no one spends as much time with Su-Bong as he does, no one knows him like he does. To everyone else, Su-Bong is just a problematic, dumb guy with no future who dreams of becoming an artist.

He doesn’t think there are many people who see what he sees in Su-Bong, and he doubts Mi-Na is one of those few. It’s impossible. There has to be something else behind this. They’re messing with him.

"Why what? Who wouldn’t want to date me?" Su-Bong asks, tilting his head. The glasses-wearing boy unconsciously analyzes him. There’s nothing on his desk—not even his textbook is open.

Nam-Gyu wants to answer, 'Probably no one, except me, because I have questionable taste in guys according to everyone' but he doesn’t. Instead, he says, "It’s just... unexpected. Didn’t she reject you a bunch of times?"

"Yeah, yeah, but you know how girls are—they want it but like to play hard to get."

Nam-Gyu scoffs at that.

"Still, it doesn’t—"

"Quiet!" the teacher interrupts, banging on the board. Nam-Gyu sighs and directs his gaze to the front, lowering his head apologetically.

Su-Bong doesn’t even bother to look remorseful. Instead, as soon as the teacher turns away, he leans in to whisper in his ear, "We’ll talk on the rooftop."

It goes without saying that Nam-Gyu didn’t manage to concentrate in that class at all.

"Ah... T-Thanos... more, more."

Nam-Gyu tosses and turns in bed, covering his ears, but he can still hear what’s happening on the other side of the wall. The walls in this shitty micro-apartment are thin.

He groans and fumbles for his phone on the floor beside his bed. He checks the time. 1 am. He hasn’t slept at all, and he has class early tomorrow.

Dragging himself across the room, he finds his sleeping pills. He swallows one dry and returns to bed.

The noises don’t stop. The woman’s moans pierce through the walls, and every creak of the bed against the wall feels like a direct punch to his chest.

He squeezes his eyes shut, fists clenched on the sheets. His throat burns, and his mind starts wandering, pulling him back to the first time he felt like this.

That was when Su-Bong, excited, told him about his first girlfriend. A brief and disastrous relationship, because the girl—what was her name? He doesn’t even remember—only used him to make her ex jealous. Nam-Gyu had been relieved when they broke up.

His best friend was a little disappointed, but he got over it. Even so, that first experience was enough for Su-Bong to never take another girl seriously again. It didn’t suit his personality anyway.

What did change over time was how girls acted toward him. Su-Bong became more handsome, more attractive.

He dyed his hair, got tattoos, and piercings. He also started working out regularly, though it became harder as his substance use increased. Still, even if his personality was garbage, his looks were enough to draw them in. And Su-Bong didn’t let any of those opportunities slip by.

Before Nam-Gyu could sink further into his misery, the pill kicked in.

"What’s wrong with you today? Is this about Thor again?" Se-Mi asks, a bit of bitterness in her tone. Her hushed voice barely cuts through the silence of the library.

"It’s Thanos" he corrects pointlessly as he flips through his notes, ignoring the other questions.

Min-Su, at the far end of the table, stays silent but listens to the conversation.

"Thanos, Thor. Irrelevant. What did he do this time?" Se-Mi stares at him. Even though Nam-Gyu doesn’t look up, he can feel her gaze.

"He brought someone home."

"I hope that doesn’t mean, 'I couldn’t sleep, took five sleeping pills at once, and ended up in the hospital'" Se-Mi says disdainfully, still staring at him.

"I’m alive and here, aren’t I? And I only took one" he argues, finally looking up. He’s met with Se-Mi’s stern gaze and Min-Su’s worried one.

"You said you’d quit taking them" Se-Mi counters, her tone serious. "You shouldn’t lose sleep because of him. Didn’t you already tell him not to bring women home anymore?"

"I did, but he doesn’t listen."

"You should kick him out" she says coldly, as if it were that simple.

"You know I can’t." Nam-Gyu feels a bitter taste in his mouth, unsure if it’s from the latte he’s been drinking. "He’s my best friend since forever, and we split the rent."

Se-Mi sighs. "You know you could move in with us. That guy’s an idiot. I don’t understand how you’re still in lov—"

"Se-Mi..." Min-Su interjects weakly, trying to stop her.

"I’ll be fine, I’ll talk to him" Nam-Gyu says, his voice cracking slightly, though he tries to sound confident.

Se-Mi doesn’t look convinced but drops the subject for now.

Nam-Gyu and Su-Bong don’t talk about it.

The long-haired man leaves a note on the fridge instead: "Keep your dick in your pants for a bit, will you? You’re gonna catch an STD."

It's simple and a joke, but maybe it'll work.

The next time he's in front of the fridge, there's a "lol" written next to his words in red marker.

The note did help, but apparently, Su-Bong's solution was simply to stop bringing girls home and take them somewhere else instead. He just hopes he’s not having hookups in public bathrooms... for society's sake.

Nam-Gyu reflects. Lately, he and Su-Bong have drifted apart.

There's no trace left of the boy who clung to his shoulder, or the one who hugged him to sleep. Not even the teenager he taught basic physics concepts to. There's no trace of the guy who cried on his shoulder when his horrible father—but his only family—died, leaving him alone in the world. Su-Bong is Thanos now… and yet, he still can’t let him go. Not yet.

Taking advantage of the empty house situation, combined with school stress and his strained relationship with his best friend, he invited someone over.

Some random guy—he barely remembers his name, and the guy doesn’t seem to care either. Maybe, with some luck, he'd be fine with being called by another name, and if Nam-Gyu accidentally says his best friend’s name during the orgasm, well, that’s between him and his conscience.

At that moment, Nam-Gyu checks his phone, waiting for the guy's confirmation.

His phone vibrates.

Unknown Number | 9:40 pm
Where is it?

Unknown Number | 9:43 pm
Be there in 5

He tosses his phone onto the bed while making sure everything is in order. His room looks decently clean, and Su-Bong won't be back until the next day. He's either chasing his dream of becoming famous… or maybe chasing skirts. You can never be too sure.

There's a knock at the door, and Nam-Gyu hurries to open it. Myunggi or Myunssi? His companion for the night, apparently just as hurt as he is. His girlfriend just dumped him.

The man threw himself at him as soon as the door closed, and Nam-Gyu returned the kiss with equal fervor.

The night went by in a blur; neither used the other's name.

He wakes up to shouting and scuffling.

He struggles to open his eyes and adjust to the light, his mind still dulled by sleep, barely catching Su-Bong’s shouting...

Wait. What is he doing here so early?

He jumps up abruptly, which is a bad idea since he's only wearing boxers, but he can't think about that right now. What matters now is getting Su-Bong off Myunssi and asking what the hell is going on with him, why he's acting like a madman.

Su-Bong has him by the neck on the floor, the poor guy struggling unsuccessfully to get him off.

Nam-Gyu kicks his best friend with all his strength to push him away from the other. Su-Bong finally realizes he's awake.

"Nam-Gyu? Are you okay?" he asks, concerned, which only confuses the long-haired man even more.

"Yeah? Just let go of Myunssi, please" he tries.

"Myunssi? Do you know him? This sick bastard was on top of you while you were asleep, taking advantage of you." He says it as if it makes sense. Then, with Nam-Gyu’s brain still groggy, after the initial chaos is settled, with Myunssi able to breathe again, he realizes the situation he's in.

He's almost naked, with another guy in his room. And Su-Bong in the middle of all of this. His best friend, the one he’s never told he’s gay.

It’s his fault for not saying anything before, then he wouldn’t have some guy he barely knows with a bruised neck on the floor of his room.

Looks like they’ll have this talk now, with an audience included.

"Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not like that. Nobody took advantage of anyone. I’m gay, I like guys, I just never told you. Can you leave my room now?" He says it with as much calm as he can muster. Inside, he wants to scream and run away; he's kept this secret for so many years, and now he’s revealing it in the worst possible situation.

Su-Bong doesn’t say anything, just stands there, staring at him.

"Are you a fucking faggot?" Of all the things Nam-Gyu expected to hear, this is one of the cruelest, and the most likely reaction, turned out to be true. "And you didn’t think to tell me? We’re best friends."

Nam-Gyu swallows the huge lump in his throat before responding, suddenly feeling way too exposed. The little clothing on his body doesn’t help. "Do you realize how you’re reacting? It’s not like I care, it’s irrelevant."

"Irrrelevant? It’s repulsive." And he says it with so much venom and disgust that Nam-Gyu feels like he could die right there. "Do you like me or something?"

And that was the last straw. His sadness turns into hatred and contained frustration, the situation crashes down on him, and he sees red.

"What the hell are you talking about? I’d never like a crazy bastard like you. All you do is get high in the corners, you're a useless idiot holding on to your stupid dream of being famous. It’s ridiculous, your rhymes suck and..." Nam-Gyu stops abruptly. He knows he’s gone too far. Su-Bong looks at him with horror, his eyes wide open.

"I... do you really think that about me?" His voice is tiny, and Nam-Gyu tries not to feel mortified by being the cause of this. Su-Bong started it, he insulted him first, barged into his room first.

There’s no point in stepping back now, the words have already hurt both of them. "First off, what the hell are you doing here? Just... get out of my room." He pleads, looking down and clutching the sheets under his fingers.

Su-Bong doesn’t move. "I had something important to tell you" he murmurs, but Nam-Gyu manages to hear. With a final sigh, Su-Bong sneaks out of the room. A door slams downstairs.

He couldn’t even say 'sorry.'

The room falls silent for the next few minutes. Myunssi is still on the floor with one hand on his neck. Nam-Gyu almost forgot he was there.

He struggles to pick up the pieces of himself and stands up, getting dressed. Myunssi seems to react as well and does the same.

Once dressed, Nam-Gyu puts a hand on his shoulder before he leaves through the door of his room.

This is awkward.

"Myunssi... I’m sorry for that." And he truly is, this guy isn’t to blame for him not knowing how to set boundaries with his best friend.

"It’s Myunggi... And no, it’s fine— just next time..." He interrupts himself, his hand rises to grip the collar of his shirt. "There won’t be a next time."

"Oh, right, okay. Sorry, really." Myunggi opens the door and they both head for the exit. "Good luck with... your girl." He finishes, not really sure how to wrap this up.

"Thanks. Good luck to you too, with that..." And Myunggi leaves, almost seeming like he wants to run, walking quickly.

Nam-Gyu shuts the door and slides down to the floor. 'Good luck', he told him before leaving.

I don’t need it. All he did was run away.

He never saw Su-Bong again.

"Nam-Gyu, did you see the news?" Min-Su speaks, which is rare, as Min-Su hardly ever starts a conversation.

"No. We're in exam season, I don't have time for anything." But he did have time to be miserable every fucking day since he pulled away from Su-Bong.

His ex-best friend, who didn’t even bother to look for him. He knows it’s dumb to blame him; they both messed up, but knowing that doesn’t stop the hurt of being ignored like this. Two decades of friendship thrown away. One for being homophobic, the other for not knowing how to control his anger.

"You should see it, it's about..."

"Min-Su!" As if summoned, Se-Mi stumbles out of her room, interrupting Min-Su. "We agreed not to tell him now."

"Tell me what?" Nam-Gyu raises an eyebrow.

"It’s important... he needs to know, it's good news" Min-Su argues, probably with less conviction than he wanted.

Se-Mi rolls her eyes and gives in. "Fine, but if it has the opposite effect, it’s your fault."

Min-Su smiles slightly, victorious, as he pulls out his phone and shows him a headline.

"‘SQ230’ band debuts with impressive numbers. 5 million streams on their first day. Rapper ‘Thanos’ has all eyes on him."

Nam-Gyu reads the text over and over... He did it. Su-Bong did it.

Then he remembers Su-Bong’s words that day: 'I had something important to tell you.' And he understands.

His eyes fill with tears, and he tries to wipe them away clumsily as he takes off his glasses.

He hears Se-Mi yelling, "See what you did?!" followed by an "I'm sorry!" from Min-Su.

The months feel heavy for Nam-Gyu.

It’s the night of his graduation. His mother and friends have just left his apartment, and the euphoria of the celebration starts to fade along with the effects of the alcohol.

He lies on the bed, remembering why he started studying more in the first place. His reason was always Su-Bong. He wanted to be on his level, not fall behind. Despite the harsh words that time, he always knew he’d make it. And he, with no talent or anything to stand out, decided his only option was to get a degree. Aiming for a normal, stable job, something secure.

He digs through the pockets of his dress pants, pulls out his phone, and does a quick search. "Thanos SQ230." The headlines talk about recent successes, love affairs, and awards won.

Su-Bong’s smile shines in the photos. He seems to be good friends with his bandmates. Nam-Gyu swipes his thumb across the screen.

He wonders if he’s as happy as he seems. If he enjoys his success or if, like him, he feels empty even after reaching something. But he hopes, genuinely, that he’s happy.

Nam-Gyu cooks with the TV on in the living room. He’s just come back from work, sleeves rolled up and tie loosened while chopping vegetables. The presenter’s voice comes from the living room:

"The group SQ230 announces their breakup after seven years since their debut. Sources close to the band cite the recent scandals involving Thanos as the main reason, related to—"

His hand freezes. He stares at the carrot under the knife. He swallows before continuing.

I hope you're okay.

Situations like this repeat over the months. The news gets worse and rarely good.

"Thanos, former member of SQ230, causes controversy after a violent altercation at a nightclub. According to witnesses, the rapper—"

"Fans bid farewell to Thanos as he begins his mandatory military service. Although his retirement is temporary, some celebrate his permanent departure from the industry."

"Rapper Thanos faces charges for marijuana use. Authorities confirm at least four incidents in the last month—"

Nam-Gyu walks through central Seoul when the news pops up on all the screens in a TV shop.

"Thanos, ex-member of SQ230, pleads guilty to drug charges. The court hands down a 10-month prison sentence—"

The multiple TVs playing the same story create an echo. He closes his eyes for a moment before moving again.

Once, while pouring a cup of coffee, he hears a piece of news that leaves him breathless:

"Thanos hospitalized after a benzodiazepine overdose. According to reports, he was found unconscious in his apartment and transported to the hospital, where—"

Nam-Gyu feels the air leave his lungs. He leans against the counter, watching the dark liquid fill the cup.

He should be there.

But he’s not. Because they no longer have a place in each other’s lives. Because they chose to drift apart. And as he thinks about it, he can’t help but wonder if this, in some way, is his fault.

Then, finally, some good news.

"Thanos debuts solo. The numbers are impressive for someone so controversial in the industry. His debut song exceeds expectations—"

Nam-Gyu smiles as he turns off the TV.

Things aren’t so great for him. The only difference is that he’s not famous, and millions of people aren’t aware of his flaws. He’s changed jobs several times and had moments where he didn’t have enough money to make it through the month. His tobacco addiction hasn’t helped either.

However, he’s recovered. Today, almost ten years after losing his best friend and first love, and feeling like the world was about to collapse beneath his feet, he’s finally ready to try a serious relationship. He has a date in 25 minutes.

The man is his superior at work, and since joining the company, he’s done nothing but help him. He’s not really that interested; if he’s being honest, he hasn’t felt true attraction or romantic love for anyone since...

He grabs his coat and car keys and heads out the door.

When he arrives, he’s surprised. The place is warm, the staff is attentive, the food is good, and the company... is pleasant.

His date is quite mature, knows when to speak and when to stay silent, when to listen—and Nam-Gyu forces himself not to compare him to a certain man from his past.

At the end, they agree to meet again and part ways. The few steps to the car feel endless. It’s winter, and the snow makes his steps heavier. Although he’s well-dressed, the cold numbs his bones, and all he wants is to get home, take off the suit, and—

"Nam-Gyu?"

It can’t be. Su-Bong?

The man with the black hair slowly turns around.

There he is, Su-Bong, the man who’s been in his mind as long as he can remember, and who he couldn’t forget, even after years of only hearing about him through third parties.

His breath catches, and he struggles not to look too shocked. Su-Bong is even more beautiful in person, though older, more human, and much more real than on a screen. His eyes look more tired.

"Su-Bong" he says, summoning all the strength he has left. It’s been so long that he can’t think of anything else to say.

"It’s been a while."

"More than a while, I’d say" Nam-Gyu responds, sounding more venomous than he meant to. He doesn’t want to start a fight in the middle of Seoul, especially not with someone like Thanos.

Thank God the light is dim and there aren’t many people around. No one seems to recognize Thanos, and if they do, they ignore him.

Su-Bong makes a pained expression, like a kicked dog. "You... I..." he stammers, while Nam-Gyu watches him hide his trembling hands in the pockets of his big coat. "Do you still hate me?"

Nam-Gyu snorts. He doesn’t have a simple answer for that. There are days he hated him for not looking for him, and others when the hatred was for himself, for running away like he did, for saying the things he said.

"I don’t know" he responds, evasive. "I couldn’t." He ends up confessing.

Su-Bong watches him, searching for something in his gaze. "You never hated me?"

"I never hated you. I never could" he replies, softer than he expected.

"Really?" Su-Bong takes a tentative step forward. Nam-Gyu doesn’t back away. He’s rooted to the ground. "You never looked for me."

"Neither did you." He doesn’t want to argue, but the words are spilling out on their own. He wants to tell him everything he’s felt these last few years.

"I did, Nam-Gyu. I did, but I never could bring myself to get closer... until now."

Until now? Nam-Gyu analyzes the situation. He just had a date with a man... He’s not here to discuss his sexuality, is he?

"Ah" he sighs, not wanting to do this anymore. "Forget it. Before or now, it doesn’t matter. I need to go. Congratulations on your success and I’m sorry for the things I said that day. Have a good night." He turns and starts walking away.

"No! Nam-Gyu, please. At least let me apologize. There’s so much I want to tell you" Su-Bong begs, following him. Out of the corner of his eye, Nam-Gyu sees a hand almost reaching for his arm, but it pulls back before making contact.

Nam-Gyu stops, making Su-Bong stop too. He speaks without turning around. Another sigh catches in his throat. "Not here. They’ll recognize you, and I’d rather not be in the news tomorrow."

The air inside Nam-Gyu’s car feels dense and suffocating. It’s strange seeing Su-Bong so quiet. He used to never stay silent; he only did when he was too high to say anything more than a couple of words.

When they reach his apartment, Nam-Gyu feels like he’s made a mistake. Everything inside him screams that he should have stopped somewhere else. But there’s nowhere else to go, and being in public doesn’t sound appealing. He just wants to get this over with, even though his stomach is in knots.

Once inside, he doesn’t even invite him in. They stand in the doorway, facing each other, with arms crossed. He tries to appear cold, though the truth is, this way it’s less obvious that his hands are shaking.

"So..." Nam-Gyu begins, prompting Su-Bong to speak. He scans him with his eyes, trying to look at everything but his eyes. With better lighting, he notices more details: there are faded scars on his face, and a tattoo on his neck that looks pretty recent, something he’s never seen before.

"Right... no... I don't know where to start" the taller one confesses, his voice barely a whisper. Despite the tension in the air, Nam-Gyu wants to laugh. He holds it back with a scoff.

His former best friend looks so vulnerable that Nam-Gyu's heart tightens. He feels a lump in his throat and an impulse he can't ignore. Maybe it’s time to clear everything up. Right now.

He clears his throat and begins: "That day, I lied."

"You... what do you mean?" Su-Bong pulls a trembling hand from his pocket and places it over his neck. He starts scratching at his skin, and Nam-Gyu can’t help but notice it’s some kind of nervous tic. One he didn't know about.

"When you asked me if I liked you, I said no. That was a lie." His courage falters as he looks away from Su-Bong, feeling embarrassed, but his mouth doesn’t stop. "And a huge one. I’ve liked you since I reached the right age to understand the concept, and that 'liking' quickly turned into romantic love, not the brotherly love you thought we had." And finally, it’s out—what he’s been holding onto for the last 25 years.

He looks back at Su-Bong’s face, which is in shock, motionless. Well, knowing that your best friend, almost like a brother, has desired you since they understood the concept is a bit of a shock. Repulsive, according to the Su-Bong from a decade ago.

Nam-Gyu takes advantage of his state of shock and silence to continue.

"And like I said before, I’m sorry. Truly. I always believed in you. From the first time you mentioned wanting to be a musician, I knew you'd make it... and what I said about your rhymes, I didn’t mean it. I liked your rhymes. They were... good and fun." I loved them, like everything about you.

As soon as he finishes the sentence, in the blink of an eye, Su-Bong is on his knees at his feet.

Now, Nam-Gyu is confused.

"Nam-Gyu... I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean any of what I said that day either. Back then, I didn’t understand, but being without you made me realize something: I also wanted you. I... I yelled and got angry, not because you were gay, but because I was jealous of seeing you with someone else. I never... you never had anyone, so when I saw that, I reacted like that."

Nam-Gyu blinks, unable to process what he’s hearing. Now, he’s the one in shock. Su-Bong remains on the floor, pleading.

"I was a fool. When I realized it, it was too late. You had your life, you were doing so well without me. I thought you hated me, and I..." By this point, Su-Bong is crying and stammering at his feet, looking like he’s about to have a panic attack. "And I just kept falling. I almost ruined my life because I’m an idiot. I don’t expect you to accept being with me. I know you don’t like me, and maybe you already have someone, because you're pretty and amazing, and... I just... I would like to be friends again, start over and..."

Su-Bong is interrupted by Nam-Gyu, who crouches down to his level and hugs him. Su-Bong falls silent immediately.

Nam-Gyu traces meaningless shapes on his back, just like he used to do when Su-Bong cried in front of him when they were kids. After a few minutes, Su-Bong’s breathing calms, becoming more regular.

"Su-Bong... Let’s go inside. Do you still like sweet milk?"

A sob. "Only if it’s lactose-free."

"You’ve gotten old."

"We’re the same age."

"Ah, right."

Things don’t turn rosy right away. Despite talking it out, being honest with each other, the years of absence and pain don't just disappear. They don’t start a romantic relationship either, although they both know that what they feel for each other is mutual. They focus on rebuilding their friendship and getting to know each other again.

A lot has changed; they’re not the same people they were when they were younger.

Nam-Gyu's mother accepted the news with emotion and welcomed Su-Bong with open arms, not asking too many questions, showing the same affection she had all those years ago.

Se-Mi didn’t appreciate the news as much, but she seemed to accept it when she saw how radiant Nam-Gyu looked now.

The process was slow and sometimes painful, but it was worth it. Nam-Gyu has gotten his best friend back, and his first love. Maybe, with a little luck and more time, he’ll get a boyfriend too.

It’s winter again in Seoul.

Nam-Gyu steps out into the cold air. A little too much for his skinny frame, but the thick layers of clothing help.

Su-Bong had the brilliant idea of going out on a Sunday morning in this cold December. And since Nam-Gyu can’t deny him almost anything, here he is, stepping out to meet him.

Su-Bong is already leaning against his car, right in front of his house. He grins stupidly when he sees him and waves. Nam-Gyu can’t help but return the smile.

When he’s close enough, he leans in and offers his hand, as if he were some sort of prince or royal family. Su-Bong plays along, taking his hand.

He receives a kiss on his gloved hand, and for a second, he wishes he hadn’t worn gloves.

"Thank you for gracing me with your presence, Your Highness. Ready to go?" Su-Bong asks with a smile... He’s already used the word ‘stupid’ smile, right?

Nam-Gyu resists the urge to roll his eyes and nods. Su-Bong opens the passenger door for him and lets him in.

He watches Su-Bong run to the driver's side door, too much energy for a cold winter morning, in Nam-Gyu’s opinion.

Once inside and with seatbelts on, Nam-Gyu asks, "Where are we going?"

The other man just lightly taps the steering wheel while continuing to drive. "Confidential."

The car drives through the streets of Seoul, still somewhat empty at this time of the morning. The sun barely peeks between the buildings, reflecting off the patches of snow gathered on the sidewalks. Nam-Gyu looks out the window, losing himself in the landscape while trying to guess where Su-Bong is taking him this time.

Finally, after leaving the city, the car stops in front of a vast field, covered by a perfect white blanket. In the distance, a few pine trees are laden with snow. There’s hardly anyone else around, except for a couple of families who look as small and distant as the snowflakes falling gently.

Nam-Gyu furrows his brow slightly as he steps out of the car, feeling the cold air hit his face. "Was this so secret that you couldn’t tell me before?" he asks, though his tone is more curious than annoyed.

"And ruin the surprise? Please, Nam-Gyu, give me some credit" Su-Bong replies, pulling something out of the trunk: a bag full of gloves, scarves, and... carrots?

Nam-Gyu squints. "What is that for?"

"We’re going to make snowmen" Su-Bong answers with a proud smile. "It’s perfect for this place."

"Su-Bong, we’re over thirty, shouldn’t we...?"

Before he can complain any more, Nam-Gyu finds himself dragged to the center of the snowfield. "We’re making a snowman. But a real one, not those horrible things we made when we were kids."

Nam-Gyu rolls his eyes but doesn’t try to break free. "In case you don’t remember, I was the one who always ended up doing all the work while you went off looking for sticks or rocks and never came back."

"That’s because you were better at it. Come on, this time we’ll be a team."

They get to work, molding snowballs that get bigger and bigger. Su-Bong insists the snowman needs a "unique pose" while Nam-Gyu simply shakes his head and stacks the snowballs in the traditional way. Despite their differences, they manage to create something that looks like a decent snowman, though it’s leaning a bit to one side.

"It looks like it’s drunk" Nam-Gyu comments, looking at the snowman with his arms crossed.

"Or maybe a little high, it’s perfect, it fits us" Su-Bong replies before grabbing a handful of snow and starting an unexpected snowball fight.

It turns into chaos. Snow flying everywhere, laughter escaping between breaths as both try to avoid each other’s attacks. Su-Bong, as always, throws himself into it with all his energy, chasing Nam-Gyu around the snowman until, with a misstep, he trips, and they both fall to the ground.

The weight of Su-Bong pins him to the cold snow, their faces only a few centimeters apart. Nam-Gyu feels Su-Bong's breath, warm and uneven, hitting his face, and for a moment, neither of them says anything. The world seems to stop.

"I’m sorry" Su-Bong murmurs, though he doesn’t make the slightest effort to get up. His eyes lock with Nam-Gyu’s, as if searching for something.

Nam-Gyu feels his heart pounding. He licks his lips nervously. "Don’t apologize..."

"Can I...?" Su-Bong asks, his eyes fixed on his lips. You don’t have to be a genius to connect the dots.

"Please" he says, trying and failing to not sound desperate. He’s waited for this for two decades.

Su-Bong closes the gap in an instant, and their lips feel dry and cracked, but somehow it feels right.

The kiss starts shy, an unsure touch that quickly turns into something more intense. Nam-Gyu can’t help but part his lips slightly, letting Su-Bong explore. He feels like he’s melting into a puddle at the sensation. Su-Bong lets out a soft sigh that Nam-Gyu feels more than hears, and that pushes him to pull him closer, his hands finding the thick fabric of Su-Bong’s coat, gripping it tightly, as if afraid he might disappear.

This is something Nam-Gyu has wanted for so long… No, it’s something they both have wanted for years, even though misunderstandings, fears, and their own mistakes pulled them apart.

Though those years apart are impossible to erase, they now feel insignificant compared to what’s finally happening.

When they pull apart, they both gasp softly, their foreheads touching as they try to catch their breath. Nam-Gyu looks at him, his eyes shining with both emotion and disbelief.

"Was this part of your secret plan too?" Nam-Gyu asks, trying to sound sarcastic, though his voice trembles a bit.

"Maybe..." Su-Bong smiles, but his eyes shine with sincerity. "Was it okay?"

Nam-Gyu looks toward the snowman, which is now partially destroyed. "I think we broke the snowman."

"We can make another one" Su-Bong says, though he doesn’t seem eager to move.

Nam-Gyu sighs but can’t help but smile. "You’re impossible."

And what Nam-Gyu doesn’t know yet is that Su-Bong, being the intense person he is, already has a velvet box hidden at the back of his closet.