Work Text:
“pope”
“slime”
“where are u”
“find”
Phil was staring at his phone on the couch. He hadn’t seen Dan in a about an hour and wanted to check in. Dan was having what some would call a bad mental health day.
He was sitting in their empty bath tub, fully clothed, thinking. Thinking about how all of the work he'd put in for the last year or more was ripped from him. Thinking about how foolish he felt. This wasn't the first day like this, it wouldn't be the last. But days were passing either way, with nothing new, or at least nothing good, seemed to be happening with his professional life. When Dan got Phil’s first message, he replied with how he was feeling. When Phil asked where he was, he thought for a moment, letting his head fall back against the side of the tub.
“No.” He lifted his head up and mumbled to the empty bathroom. He then let out a forced, long, high pitched sound, making his stress audible.
He let his head thud backwards onto the tub rim again and closed his eyes tightly.
He opened them again as if startled awake.
“But yes.” He whined. He wanted to be alone, but he also desperately needed Phil.
He texted Phil back. He couldn’t physically move. And even if he could he didn’t think he would. And he didn’t want to just tell Phil where he was so he could come. That was too needy. Or too easy. Maybe both. So he would have to come find him. Dan felt ridiculous but he tried to remind himself that communicating his needs was important. Even if it wasn’t perfect, it was something. Some kind of outstretched hand for Phil to grope in the dark for and pull Dan back onto his feet.
Phil started in their bedroom, thinking he may even be in one of their closets trying to hide away. He thought he might pick Phil’s closet at first; Dan was so scent focused, but if Dan felt like he had to be alone, maybe Phil’s clothes would be the next best thing. Phil imagined Dan pressing his face into Phil’s shirts. He wouldn’t have minded, but he found no Dan when he went into his closet. Dan’s closet next. No Dan.
“Dan?” Phil called in the hallway. No response. He didn’t think there would be, the way Dan could be when he was having a hard time. But he figured there was no hurt in trying.
Still thinking of smaller spaces Dan might be in, he checked their shared bathroom.
There Dan was, his head turned toward the door, his face looking blank for a moment, before he cracked a small smile and said “ah, ya got me”.
“Got you. Sure did.” Phil replied, closing the bathroom door behind him and holding his hands out, fingers spread for Dan to intertwine his fingers with Phil’s so he could pull him up. Dan let his fingers be entangled with Phil’s but when Phil was preparing to pull up, Dan pulled down, and Phil let himself be guided down to the floor beside the bath.
Dan rested his head on the side of the bath, toward Phil. At this, Phil responded by running his hands through Dan's hair. They sat like that for nearly an hour. Saying nothing, doing nothing more. Finally Dan tilted his head and Phil stopped.
"Sorry, crick in my neck. I'm too old to be having breakdowns like this." Dan said.
"Nah, you just gotta pick better places to have a breakdown. Let's get you to the couch. I got maybe another hour of hair playing in my hands. And we can put on some Below Deck."
"You and neck pain have convinced me." Dan raised his hands for Phil to take them.
Phil stood up and took both of Dan's hands, and pressed them together, and then up to his lips for a moment.
"Let's go babe." Phil said. He walked Dan out of the bathroom and to their couch.
"I know I can't do this forever." Dan said.
"One night isn't forever. It's going to happen that some days are write offs, even if most can't be. Let yourself be here with me. Doing nothing but trying to be present."
"With you."
"Mhm."
"Okay."
Dan again let his head fall, this time into Phil's lap on the couch.