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They never hold hands in front of the team. They never talk about it but Fubuki doesn’t think they need to. It’s a silent, mutual agreement between the two of them. It’s okay when they’re alone, or under the blankets after everyone else in the caravan has gone to sleep, but never in front of anyone else.
Once when they were sitting next to one another on the canavan, Someoka braved bumping their thumbs together. Silently and without any other kind of acknowledgement, Fubuki trailed the pad of his thumb along Someoka’s. Just then Endou half leapt over the back of their seat, shouting something enthusiastic. Someoka jerked his hand away so fast, it was almost as if Fubuki’s touch had burned him.
Holding hands embarrasses Someoka. Fubuki can tell he likes it, but he thinks it something girls like doing and that makes him feel ashamed. Someoka never initiates hand holding but when Fubuki touches the back of Someoka’s hand ever so lightly, Someoka quickly swallows up Fubuki’s fingers, squeezing them between his own. Maybe he squeezes so hard because if it hurts a little, it’s more masculine. Fubuki doesn’t mind.
Fubuki likes holding Someoka’s hand. It’s much bigger than his own, rough, always very warm but never sweaty. At night, sometimes, when everyone including Someoka has fallen asleep, Fubuki lies his small, pale hand on Someoka’s palm and measures their fingers against one another. Fubuki’s fingertips just barely graze the line of Someoka’s second knuckle.
Fubuki doesn’t think any of their friends would mind if they knew the truth about Someoka and Fubuki. Fubuki issn’t sure if he would say they’re dating, if only because calling each other boyfriends is embarrassing even for him, but they hold hands sometimes and they’ve kissed exactly four times (the first time, Someoka initiated it, the subsequent three times Fubuki had.) The other might tease them a little, but Fubuki doesn’t think they would judge or reject them. But Someoka seems to think teasing and rejecting are the same thing.
“I just don’t want anyone to think we’re like... that. You know?” Fubuki didn’t know but he nodded reassuringly. Everyone else had left for dinner and they’d hung back to hide in a corner of the caravan.
“I just don’t want anyone to... ruin this for us.” Fubuki nodded again and Someoka squeezed his hand particularly hard. He lifted Fubuki’s hand and pressed it to his cheek. When Fubuki looked at his hand later, he noticed fingerprint shaped bruises on his wrist.