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Leo sat at the kitchen table, tapping his feet to the rhythm of an old jingle he’d heard on the tv the day before, watching the minute hand slowly inch its way around the clock, staring at the hour hand as it slowly approached the number 5. Time was strange down in the sewers. No light coming from the outside meant it could be night or day, but their bodies were attuned to the sleep schedules of their human friends and Splinter’s morning training sessions, and it was still far too early in the morning for Leo to have been awake for hours. But Raph wasn’t home yet, and he wasn’t ready to jump back into yet another nightmare where his brother didn't make it back home.
They’d had another argument late last night, one that caused Raph to storm off on his own again. Leo had worried, of course, but he was frustrated too, and he decided to try and sleep it off. But then he dreamt that Raph had been shot and was bleeding out on the streets; then, that The Shredder caught him and was torturing him through the night; then, that he’d been poached by mad human scientists and was being dissected like an animal; then, that he was knocked out by the Foot and drowned in a river; then, he couldn’t see anything at all, but he could just hear Raph’s screams, and that was the one that had him shaking in his chair, waiting to hear the sound of his brother’s footsteps safely returned home.
He’d checked Raph’s bedroom multiple times, in case his brother had somehow snuck past him, but it was empty. The bathroom and dojo were empty as well, and his other brothers were sound asleep and alone in their respective rooms. He didn’t bother checking Sensei’s room, knowing he would just wake his father, who was a light sleeper.
Leo walked around their home a few times before settling back down in the kitchen, lowering his head against the table to rest his eyes for a few moments.
Leo felt himself drifting off into another nightmare when the slight sound of distant footsteps snapped him back into consciousness. He felt his heart begin to pound as the slow, unsteady footsteps drew closer. When another turtle-like shape appeared in the entrance to the lair, Leo allowed himself one moment to scan his brother’s body for injuries before surging forward. Raph flinched upon seeing movement, but his alertness swiftly became annoyance when he saw just who was waiting for him.
“Really, Leo? You gotta sit up and wait just to keep on preachi– oof .” Leo had him in his arms, squeezing tight with his head buried in Raph’s shoulder. “Uh, Leo?”
Leo couldn’t bring himself to speak. He just pressed closer, trying to let Raph’s voice, his body, his scent, wash away all the images from those terrible nightmares. He tried to let it empty his mind, to replace what was still burning behind his eyelids. He shuddered at the thought of what he’d seen, involuntarily freaking Raph out.
“Leo, what’s wrong?!” Raph forcibly pulled Leo away, holding him at arm’s length and looking frantically into his eyes. “Is Mikey okay?! Don?! Sensei?!” He shook him. “Don’t just stand there, tell me what happened!”
Leo found it even harder to put into words what was bothering him when Raph’s jump to conclusions made more logical sense than his own silly reasoning. Leo opened and closed his mouth several times, before Raph impatiently pushed past him and started heading for the bedrooms.
Suddenly freezing as Raph’s warmth abruptly vanished, Leo stood there alone, hugging himself as he breathed in deeply and slowly, trying to calm himself down now that there was proof that everything was fine, that Raph was okay. But there was still this terror in his heart, this tension in his chest, and he found himself rooted to the spot, even after Raph had gone to check that both his siblings were sleeping safe and sound.
“Alright, Leo, what the shell’s going on with you? I – are you sick?”
Leo turned just in time for Raph’s hand to hit him smack on the forehead. He backed up but the hand moved with him. Raph’s eyes narrowed.
“You don’t feel sick… But you’re shaking. C’mon, Leo, say something. You’re freaking me out.”
Leo looked away. He took a deep breath, in and out, and looked back at his brother. Raph looked like he was about to explode with nerves. It was wrong to keep him in this kind of suspense.
“It’s… nothing.”
Raph waited, but Leo didn’t add anything else. He scoffed. “Yeah right, try again.”
“I-I mean it. Everything’s fine – you saw it for yourself, I’m just…”
“Leo, everything’s obviously not fine, and if you don’t tell me in the next five seconds, I’m gonna beat it out of you.”
“I just had a stupid nightmare, okay?!” Leo snapped. Raph blinked.
“You… had a nightmare?”
Embarrassment shot through him and Leo turned away. “I told you, it’s nothing. Happy now? Just go to sleep, Raph, I’ve had a long enough night without you teasing me on top of it.”
There was a moment of silence. “Leo, I’m not gonna tease you. You look… really bad. It’s not like you to be this worked up over nothing.” He sat down on the couch. “If you wanna talk about it…”
Leo had to look into Raph’s eyes to tell if he was being serious or not, and when he finally judged that he was, he sat down with a huff.
“It’s… stupid.”
“Leo, stop calling it ‘stupid’ and ‘nothing.’ Obviously this really bothered you.” Raph’s expression softened. “I’m not gonna make fun of you. You’re allowed to have nightmares too, you know. It’s not like being Splinter’s favorite makes you immune to emotions.”
Leo chuckled and tears sprang to his eyes. He wiped them off with his arm. “I just… I don’t know. I’m supposed to be braver than this.”
“Says who?”
“... Says me, I guess.”
“Leo, you know I never listen to you, so maybe you should do the same.”
Leo laughed, and when he settled down, Raph gently tapped his knee with his own, prodding him to move forward and answer the question.
“I… I don’t want to talk about it. Not the details, at least. But… they were about you.” Raph blinked. “It was – it was right after our fight, and – well, it was a recurring dream. I woke up and then fell back asleep right into the same dream again about a dozen times. And every time, what happened was different, but it was all the same basic idea – you never made it back home.” Leo’s voice cracked, and he covered his face again, taking deep breaths to prevent the images from resurfacing. He didn’t want to meet Raph’s face. “That’s it. And I – I couldn’t keep doing it, it was too much. Every time I tried to go to sleep, I had to watch you die in a different way. So I stayed awake.” Raph didn’t say anything in response, and Leo peeked through his hands, unable to stop his curiosity from piquing from the silence. Raph noticed and gave him a sheepish smile before pulling him into a side hug.
“Seriously, that’s it? That’s adorable. That’s like one of Mikey’s dreams back when we were 5.”
Leo gaped. “Raph–! You said you wouldn’t–!”
“You’re right, it was stupid. It’s stupid of you to think I would let anything stop me from coming back to hassle you three till the end of your days.” Raph gave him a noogie, much to his chagrin, and it took all his strength to free himself and creep a safe distance away from his brother. “And stupid of you to get so worked up over it. You never have to feel that way, because not a single one of those dreams is ever going to come true. You know that, right?”
Leo hesitated. “We can’t ever know for sure…”
“Oh, come on. You have no confidence in me?”
“Confidence isn’t the problem, Raph–”
“You’re gonna be freaked out no matter what I say, huh?” Raph asked seriously, and Leo paused before slowly admitting to a nod. Raph sighed deeply. “Okay, fine.” He stood up and held out a hand. “C’mere.”
Leo eyed it suspiciously. “What?”
“C’mon. Get up.”
Leo awkwardly gave his hand to Raph and allowed his brother to drag him out of the living room and down the hall. He started to realize what was happening when they approached Raph’s room, and he tried to free his hand.
“Wait, Raph–”
“Shut up, Leo. It’s time to go to sleep. Let’s hope Sensei takes pity on us when we’re late for training and gives us a few extra hours. I’m sure you looking the way you do, he’ll make an exception for his star pupil .”
“I don’t need to–”
“Did I ask? Go on, go.” Raph pushed him into the room first and then shut the door, flipping his ‘do not disturb’ sign on the front first. He ushered an awkward Leo over to the bed.
“You first; I don’t like the wall spot. Mikey drools there sometimes.”
Leo smiled, a little less ashamed as he crawled into his spot. Of course Raph had offered his bed to his brothers before. It was just what a good big brother did. And Raph was their protector – of course he would take the outside, protecting them from whatever fears came their way.
Raph turned off the light, and a few moments later Leo felt the bed shake as his brother climbed in as well. He clung to the outer edge, giving Leo plenty of space to call his own.
As he closed his eyes and listened to his brother’s steady breathing, knowing he was just within reach, Leo felt like he might actually be done with the nightmares for tonight.
“... Thanks, Raph.”
“Anytime.”