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Thorin loves Bilbo. A lot. A whole lot.
But he would rather wrestle a Warg empty-handed than talk about his feelings. Two Wargs, even. So he tries to show his feelings the only way he can; being uncharacteristically touchy feely and making sure Bilbo gets the best spot by the fire and seeing that he has enough to eat. Not the easiest task when there’s a Hobbit involved, but Thorin rises admirably to the challenge.
There’s also a lot of celebratory hugging, as Thorin figures that if it had worked once, it should work again - even with the lack of Eagles hanging around.
Bilbo is already confused by Dwarvish customs, which obviously weren’t very restrained - his empty pantry can attest to that - so for most part he takes the isn't-this-a-mighty-fire embraces in stride.
And yes. He means that literally.
Thorin and Bilbo had been sat companionably together by the newly lit fire and - casual as can be - the Dwarf had slung an arm across Bilbo's shoulders and pulled him close for a half-hug.
"'Tis a good fire we have this evening."
The Hobbit had looked a little strangely at Thorin before sneaking an arm around him to return the embrace. It was only polite after all.
"Yes," Bilbo had said cautiously. "Kíli and Fíli did a good job."
Not wanting to come on too strong, Thorin had given Bilbo's shoulder a last squeeze and then moved away again.
At the time, Bilbo had been quite sure that he would never understand Dwarves.
But, slowly, Bilbo is getting the picture. Or rather, a picture.
Because someone like Thorin can't possibly want more than just physical relief from a Hobbit like Bilbo. It's all too obvious what the heated looks are about. Not that he hadn’t had help coming to this conclusion.
“Have you seen the way Uncle looks at Bilbo?” he overhears Kíli saying to Fíli one evening. The boys aren’t aware that Bilbo had come up behind them loaded with the nights supper. “By Aulë, I swear he could have set the fire ablaze without the need for flint tonight.”
Fíli snickers.
“Wanna bet on how long it’ll be before we find them both on the same bedroll one morning?”
“Ah, so you think Uncle won’t simply snap in the middle of the day and tackle our dear burglar into the underbrush?”
Blushing, Bilbo quietly backs away and makes sure to cause a lot of noise when he later returns, no matter the teasing comments he gets about being such a clumsy theif.
Still, a male Hobbit, fake-burglar or not, isn't exactly queen material for any king, especially one as brave and handsome as Thorin. And Bilbo is fine with a purely physical relationship, he is - but you can't stop a Hobbit from his wishful thinking. Especially not when Thorin turns out to be a warm and considerate lover, as well as capable of a bit of a rough and tumble.
(By this point all the other Dwarves have acquired some sort of ear plugs.)
On the whole the Dwarves do approve, and would express their approval with smiles on their faces and a song in their throats - if it wasn’t for Thorin being a private sort of Dwarf, with a very large sword. And from what they gather, Bilbo is a private Hobbit, and they don’t want to embarrass him - because have they mentioned Thorin's sword?
The only one of the lot who had been really sceptical at first was Dwalin. He had been a little caught up in the picture Bilbo had first presented when they had come knocking on his door. A soft and mostly useless little creature, albeit one who knew how to cook. But once the spider incident had come and gone, he too rides on the Bilbo-is-awesome horse (or pony, as the case may be).
Fíli and Kíli are the most approving of the lot, as anything that lightened their uncle’s thoughts should be treasured, appreciated, and taken advantage of - as he would then forget to keep an eye on them.
(Not for long though, because his sister is as fearsome as any warrior and Thorin had made a promise he intended to keep.)
So, Thorin is blissfully happy and equally blissfully oblivious to the fact that Bilbo feels worse and worse the closer they get to Erebor - and to Thorin's destiny.
Yes, Thorin thinks it's a little strange that Bilbo’s first reaction to a gentle caress starts to turn to more of a flinch instead of a pleased response, but he tries to be considerate and sticks mostly to stroking Bilbo’s hair when the Hobbit is asleep, and saving his besotted staring for when Bilbo is occupied with other matters.
Settling down by the fire with Bilbo by his side has quickly become the highlight of Thorin’s day - or night, rather - though the distance growing between them of late is putting him on edge . Bilbo is less quick to smile and often looks out in the dark with a faraway gaze. The Hobbit is not the same creature they had first encountered in the Shire, the road having taken much of his softness away and sharpening both body and mind. If Thorin had been more sentimental, he might give voice to the regret that Bilbo had to change at all, but at the same time he is pleased every time he is surprised by Bilbo’s cunning or strength.
If he is to chance a guess regarding the mounting distance, he would say that Bilbo is still afraid of appearing too soft, of being useless. As he has proved his worth time and time again, this idea mystifies Thorin, but what else can he think when Bilbo will allow heated embraces and yet shies away from gentle caresses?
Thorin is not a man of many words, and he does not have the right ones to make clear what is now not. Instead he anticipates their arrival to Erebor where they might settle, and where normality will eventually smooth all rough edges.
An event that does not help Bilbo’s gloomy thoughts is when he almost breaks his leg falling off another cliff while protecting Thorin from an Orc (he gets away with a slightly sprained ankle and actually manages to dispose of the Orc). Because while Thorin would love to say something profound and tell Bilbo he shouldn't risk himself because Thorin can't bear the thought of living without Bilbo, what actually comes out is "You fool", and then they both slink off to lick at emotional wounds.
Kíli finds Bilbo very involved in the process of gathering kindling for the night’s fire.
“You shouldn’t take his words so seriously,” Kíli says and bends to help Bilbo gather the dry sticks. “He is only concerned for your safety.”
Hiding a flinch, Bilbo concentrates even more fiercely on scanning the ground. Of course Thorin is concerned for him; he is kind and honourable, even if the kindness is only apparent after getting to know him. But his concern lies not only with Bilbo. It shouldn’t lie only with Bilbo. They are on a quest of uttermost importance and Bilbo very much wishes to be of use, and not a hindrance, not a fool.
And then we have the time when Bilbo overhears Thorin and Balin talking about heirs and how Bilbo can't produce them (if Kíli had been around there would have been a joke about the lovely glow Thorin would have when pregnant - and then screaming as his uncle made him pay). Bilbo then sneaks away to manfully not-cry beneath a tree somewhere and misses Thorin's reply (and Balin's agreement) that it is lucky that his sister had thought to bless the line of Durin with heirs.
His friends see of course that Bilbo turns gloomier as they near the mountain, but assume it is because he has started to feel the burden of his mission. Too cheer him up, they tell him stories of heroic deeds, which actually end up making him feel worse as they are often Thorin's heroic deeds and thusly make his love for the Dwarf seem all that more impossible. But they are still better than tales of star-crossed lovers overcoming all odds that Bofur favours, because those, those hurt and Bilbo always has to find a way to excuse himself after a while.
And then we have the explosion. Not a literal one, but bad enough.
Just shortly before they arrive at Erebor, Bilbo decides that he has had enough. He can’t live like this. This half-existence of only feeling alive when Thorin smiles at him (or, rather, when his lips move in a way that would be described as a small twitch in any other but most definitely is a smile for the way his eyes light up) and knowing that it's all is going to end.
He will help to retake Erebor as he has promised, and then he will go back to the Shire. He's known all along that he has to go back, of course, so he had better get used to not having Thorin.
It would be weak to try to cling to something which has never been his. Never would be his. Thorin belongs to someone brave and good, someone who will bear his children and rule by his side.
So that night when Thorin makes his advances as usual (Bilbo rarely makes the first move, always afraid of not being welcome. At any rate, Thorin can't keep his hands off his Hobbit for very long), Bilbo ends up choking on an embarrassing sob. He can't do this anymore, doesn't want this... And right there Thorin storms out and doesn't actually hear any of the remaining sobbed confession.
His love isn't wanted? Had that been fear in Bilbo’s eyes? And pain? Had his caresses been a burden?!
Thorin feels ill.
Bilbo believes that Thorin thinks him a bigger fool than ever, being soft in the heart as well as the head (although, to be fair, Thorin had previously apologized for his earlier comments on Bilbo being nothing but a burden. Several times in fact, and the time with the honey and the licking had been most well received), and both valiantly refuse to look at the other during the proceeding week.
The other Dwarves try to help, but as neither party will speak a word of what had happened, it's hard for them to do so. And then they are too busy stealing from dragons and reclaiming long lost homes, starting wars... you know, the usual.
When Thorin gifts Bilbo with the mithril coat it is the first time the two have exchanged more than half a look in weeks.
Thorin almost doesn't offer the coat, not wanting it to be seen as payment for services rendered (he feels ill again at the very thought), but he wants to protect Bilbo just as much as before (and now also against himself) so he gives in and buries his stubborn pride.
The pearl belt is pure fancy though.
He gives the coat, belt and the light leather helmet to Bofur, to give to Bilbo. He chooses Bofur because he knows Bilbo trusts him, and unlike Fíli and Kíli, Bofur won’t insist on asking uncomfortable questions. Thorin has been avoiding his nephews for just this reason.
The wounds might not the visible, but they are too fresh for their poking and prodding, and if Thorin can, he will spare Bilbo that pain. As for himself - it may be the coward's way - but he does not want to see disappointment in his kin's eyes when they know of what he has done, however good his intentions.
He watches from the shadows when Bofur presents Bilbo with the mithril coat, how Bilbo’s mouth opens in astonishment at the finely wrought armour. Bofur makes him take off his old coat and put on the new, and the glimpse of bare skin at Bilbo’s neck makes Thorin realise why he’d picked the belt he did for his gift. Bilbo’s skin is the same pale colour as the pearls, and even shares the same lustre.
Just as Thorin makes to turn away Bilbo lifts his head and catches Thorin’s gaze.
Bilbo’s smile may be a little broken, but it's there and as Thorin nods his head and leaves, he hopes that the gift of a smile is a sign that they might part as friends, or something like it.
Except then we have the business with the Arkenstone and Bilbo had just wanted to not have to see his friends be killed in a stupid war - but the road to Mordor is paved with the same sort of intentions as to a certain other place.
The Battle of Five Armies begins, and it ends with Thorin, Fíli and Kíli badly wounded. Thorin expects his death is near, and in a weak moment he requests to see Bilbo - because who would not want to see their love during what could be their last hours?
And he is simultaneously proud and angry at Bilbo for coming to him, because after what he’d done to the Hobbit (including threatening to throw him off the side of the mountain - not Thorin's best moment all in all), Bilbo should know to keep away but he is obviously a much better and kinder soul than Thorin can ever hope to be.
Seeing his king lie so still and pale, Bilbo is torn between crying and clinging to him, or just leaving straightaway for the Shire in denial and keeping the mental image of Thorin and his queen and two adorable kids (who look a lot like Fíli and Kíli) alive in his heart. It might not be his happily ever after, but it is a lot better than what he seems to have been served at the moment.
Instead he sits quietly and accepts Thorin's apology for the way he behaved regarding the Arkenstone and - more importantly - for how he had wronged Bilbo on their journey.
Right about here Bilbo is starting to feel he's losing his understanding of what they’re speaking of. And it doesn't get any clearer when Thorin's hand twitches like he wants to grab Bilbo’s, and especially not when Thorin breathes "I love you" before falling unconscious.
Bilbo is in shock - but he is nothing if not a determined Hobbit, so when he hears about one of the Elves having the power of healing, he pleads with Gandalf to go and collect that Elf and more or less forces the rest of the Dwarves to go along with this plan. (Thorin, being stubborn, had forbidden this set of actions earlier when it suggested by Balin, mostly due to old grudges and an unwillingness to owe his life to a weed eater. Mostly. And no one had told him that his nephews had been so gravely wounded, not wanting to upset him further. )
Kíli, Fíli, and Thorin are all healed by the elf. Kíli will always have a bit of a limp, and Fíli has lost the hearing in one ear, but they're alive and soon well. The two brothers keep Bilbo company as he waits for Thorin to wake.
The brothers may actually help Bilbo realise that Thorin isn't a stupid ass who plays with the hearts of others on a whim (at this point there might be enough laughing to hurt Kíli's healing ribs again), and when Thorin wakes it is to the accusing stare of an enraged and relieved hobbit.
"You love me."
"I'm sorry," Thorin says, rightfully sensing the accusation (though not it's full intent), and closes his eyes. Hopefully he can have another go at this unconscious thing.
Being kissed may be a sign he's actually died though. Because surely this cannot be? And he opens his eyes again in astonishment.
Bravely, he tries to make Bilbo understand that he doesn't need to sacrifice himself any longer (there is a weak moment when he kisses the Hobbit back, though), and Bilbo would have bashed his head in if the Orcs hadn't done so already, because Thorin isn't making any sense at all.
"You love me."
"Yes," Thorin admits, and the huge smile on Bilbo's face more or less clues the dwarf in on the fact that this is a good thing and not a bad one.
More kissing, and Fíli and Kíli – grumbling half-heartedly – have made sure the couple is left alone in the tent.
"Then, you don't hate me?"
Bilbo tries to explain that he knows now taking the Arkenstone might not have been a good idea but... well, at least it hadn't been out of ill intent.
And Thorin is more confused than ever.
"If anyone would have cause, you should hate me most, for forcing you against your wishes."
"Forcing me to do what? I came willingly on this adventure. Signed the contract and everything. "
"You did not wish for our embraces. You said you - you said you couldn't live with them anymore."
Bilbo finally – finally - starts to see the bigger picture of this hopelessly entangled mess.
"I thought you didn't love me. That it was just physical attraction from your side. I thought I could live with that, in the beginning, but it was too hard. But your advances were never unwelcome or unwanted. I just - wanted too much, rather."
Thorin, in a somewhat rare moment of self criticism, sees that his behaviour (being as outspoken regarding emotional matters as a tongueless Orc) likely is the most to blame - but he still feels a little hurt that Bilbo would think him so callous.
"You think I would use you and then discard you?"
"I didn't think you knew how I felt about you. I would never think you cruel. I thought we both knew this wasn't meant to be a love story for the fireside. After all, while moths are drawn to flames, they know well enough to not get burnt." Bilbo says with a fractured smile.
Thorin mostly focuses on the past tense – felt felt felt - and winces mentally. But he shoulders on. After all, Bilbo had kissed him, despite Thorin being cruel (if not regarding their affair then during the Arkenstone ordeal). He had just been so angry. Mostly with himself. Still, no one can call the son of Thráin a coward so he lays it all out:
"If I ask you to stay here with me, as my friend, as my consort, as my - as my lover, what would your answer be?"
Bilbo hesitates and Thorin's heart plummets.
"I, well, you - you still need a queen. Don't you? For heirs. For keeping the line of Durin alive." And Bilbo would have moved on with the rest of his ‘just a Hobbit from the Shire and a male one at that’ spiel if Thorin did not stop him by pulling him down for a kiss.
"Truly, is that the truth of your objection and not a way to spare my feelings?"
Bilbo's gaze grows shuttered. Shattered.
"When I saw you fall in the battle I wanted to die myself. If you… if you had died, you would have taken my spirit with you."
Very carefully, as if he might yet spook like a flighty pony, Thorin fits his hand to the side of Bilbo’s face and pulls him close for a kiss, merely a chaste press of lips against lips, but it is as much of a homecoming as the recent return to Erebor.
When they part Thorin keeps his hand curled around Bilbo’s cheek and asks if Bilbo somehow thinks Kíli and Fíli immensely unsuitable for the throne, as he's so opposed them inheriting it. Because while they are still young, they've both shown promise for the future – in Thorin’s opinion.
Bilbo sputters a bit and feels as clever as a troll for not seeing that possibility.
"Stay." Thorin thinks back to the start of their quest. "Or at least return to me if you have to leave for your home."
Bilbo is not a pining hobbit lass so he stops himself from saying something sappy like how a hobbit's home is where his heart dwells, and instead whispers, "Yes". He lets himself be pulled down and arranged next to Thorin on the bed, careful not to aggravate his remaining hurts.
In the back of his mind, before he succumbs to the sleep he's not been getting for the last days (if not weeks), Bilbo wonders how long he can keep Thorin from asking for the details of his recovery. If he never has to explain the Elf part of it, Bilbo will die a happy Hobbit. Well, happier.
If such a thing is possible.