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He's nervous, he realizes, the same way fear dug a pit in his tummy when they were venturing over to the Distinguished Innovators Competition, before he got sick all over himself.
Viktor remembers Jayce leaning over him, shielding his embarrassed form from onlookers. Gently cleaning him up and peeling off his grossly dampened shirt, covering his partner up in his coat, which ended up much too large on Viktor's thin frame.
Viktor remembered feeling so bashful and lightheaded at his kindness, he felt so small, and yet, Jayce made it everything okay again.
Now, Viktor has broken the handle to one of Jayce's prototypes. It wasn't on purpose, he'd been cleaning the lab's work benches, when he knocked into it. It clattered to the floor with an ear-shattering crash and the long, elegant handle broke into two.
It was a hammer of some sort, large and powerful, proud even, just like Jayce. Just a mere prototype. But it's not like illness, which cannot be helped, but a stupid mistake Viktor should've avoided.
Viktor curls in on himself, panic painting every edge of his nerves. Tears pool uselessly at his waterline, lungs heaving with pained gasps.
He's so far into his own head he doesn't realize Jayce is even in the lab, speaking to him.
“-Viktor?” Jayce's voice, laced with urgency, rips him out of his headspace like an infant out of a womb.
He looks up at Jayce, who's looming over him. In his frazzled mind, Viktor feels almost threatened.
“What happened here?” Jayce asks, looking slightly exasperated. That's all it takes, that one single, fed-up look, for Viktor to crumble.
His lips quiver and he murmurs out a broken, ragged little apology.
Jayce kneels, and Viktor finds his face littered with something similar to kindness and understanding, peering into his own. There's no anger in his heart for Viktor.
Viktor pushes himself away from his partner, breathing even heavier. He curls his head into his lap, folding in on himself, even while his back protests painfully.
Jayce's voice is above him, far, far away. He's drowning, just like his toy boat. Oh, God.
He wants his boat so badly. He wants to clutch it to his heart and let his mind empty as its shoddy little motors would circle around and around, while he'd watch for hours.
Viktor can't help but wail, anguished cries echoing throughout their lab. He feels a large, gentle palm on his back. He sobs harder.
“What's wrong? Are you in pain?” Jayce questions, prying uselessly.
“I feel so small,” Viktor chokes out. “What's happening to me?” He's trembling now, drenching his knees with salty tears.
Jayce grabs a hold of his shoulders, and presses Viktor's head into his chest, “Hey, hey, you're okay,” he coos softly.
“Can you focus on my breathing?” He murmurs, rubbing his flat palms along the sides of Viktor's bony shoulders. Viktor pants harder, dizzy from the poor supply of oxygen.
“I, I can't, I dunno,” his teeth are chattering, his whole being trembling with terror.
“Yes you can, I know you can,” Jayce breathes calmly into his ear, focusing on what his mother used to tell him when he'd cry himself into a fit. It wasn't ever as bad as what Viktor is experiencing, but it's close enough.
Viktor remembers the way Singed had looked at him, looming over him when he had broken some vials of serum. He'd always been soft spoken, but this time his anger was palpable, grinding his teeth in aggravation.
“This is what you can do? This is how you help?” Is what he had yelled, causing little Viktor to scramble upwards and hobble off in fear.
He'd only come back a few times afterwards, for Rio, although eventually scared off by Singed's deranged prowess to surpass death.
Upon recalling these memories, his chest feels like it'll explode, strained and sucked dry of air. Yet impossibly heavy and full. Viktor can't fight the waves of dread any longer, and passes out in Jayce's arms.
________
Viktor awakens curled up on the lab's dusty couch, head on Jayce's warm lap. He's wrapped up in Jayce's silky blanket.
“Hey, welcome back to the land of the living. How're you feeling?” His voice is nothing but forgiving. Viktor's throat burns and he hiccups, tears staining his cheeks.
He hides his face in Jayce's pant leg, fisting at the material with embarrassment. He feels too small for this long, tall body. Everything hurts, and he just wants to feel better.
“Oh Viktor,” Jayce whispers, cradling Viktor's head with the utmost care. He feels oddly honored to see such vulnerability painted across his beloved partner.
“You know I'm not mad, right?” Viktor peeks up at him.
“‘ou're not?” Viktor babbles softly, peering up at Jayce with such bright, shiny eyes. His irises are a shade of shimmering gold, like the sun.
“No, of course not,” Jayce soothes, petting his hair.
Jayce chews his lip anxiously, “Can you, uh, tell me why you panicked like that?”
Viktor's gaze falters, pressing his cheek deeper in Jayce's leg, “I thought you were, uh, um, mad at… at me?” He stutters, scrunching his eyebrows in concentration as he strings words together.
Jayce listens attentively, nodding along.
They sit in silence for a moment, Viktor fiddling with his thumbs, tears slowly subsiding.
“I miss my boat,” he blurts, face flushing pink. His accent is much thicker like this, Jayce realizes.
Viktor's in some odd headspace, he's almost like a toddler, kicking himself forwards in the dark and stumbling around. Jayce wants nothing more than to catch him if he falls.
Jayce's blinks, “Your boat?”
Viktor nods, “it has um, motors, and uh, works in the- the water,” Jayce hums.
“What happened to it?” He asks, playing with the tufts of hair at the base of Viktor's head and neck.
Viktor's face wilts into something dejected, tears forming, “I think, I, I lost it.” His memories are hazy, murky and thick like water.
“Oh V… I'm sorry.” He pulls Viktor up by the arms and onto his lap. It's a bit awkward, his lanky legs folding up and gently knocking at Jayce's jaw.
Viktor buries his neck into Jayce's neck, sniffling quietly.
Eventually, Viktor soothes himself with his fingers loosely stuffed in his mouth, suckling simultaneously as he breathes. Jayce knows a behavior like this for a grown man is certainly unusual, but he finds himself endeared. He rocks his body back and forth, quieting Viktor until he drifts to sleep.
Jayce feels affection surge through him, and he kisses Viktor's forehead to quiet his urges.
“I'm here, I'm not mad,” he reassures, hugging Viktor tighter to himself.
________
Viktor's dozing, drooling on his work, pouring over the desk.
Jayce wanders next to him, shaking his shoulder, “Hey, Viktor, wake up.”
Viktor stirs, whining grumpy protests. Jayce shoves something in his face, “I got you something.”
Viktor sits up, wiping at his chin. He takes the gift, which is wrapped in a soft fabric and tied with ribbon.
“Why?” Viktor blushes lightly, picking at the ribbon.
“You mentioned something you wanted a few weeks ago, and well…” Jayce beams, puffing out his chest proudly.
Viktor gently unties the ribbon and unfolds the fabric. The gift is revealed to be a toy boat. It's gold and red, with a beautiful wooden deck and little metal gears.
He gasps, clutching it so carefully like it's the most precious thing he's been given.
“Jayce…” he mumbles, awestruck. He giggles and grins, testing the gears, spinning them along his fingers.
Viktor looks up at Jayce, smiling in a giddy manner, Jayce can't help but reciprocate.
He stands, hobbling slightly and cups Jayce's face, before placing a firm kiss on Jayce's lips.
“Thank you,” he whispers. Now it's Jayce's turn to flush red.
“Anything for you, partner.”