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Me and Johnny were walking back to my house after spending some time at the lot. It was about to be dinner time and we didn't want to be late, especially since Darry had said he was cooking something good tonight.
Johnny has been out of the hospital for about 4 months now. He's pretty much healed besides the scars on his neck and the occasional limp here and there.
I think since the fire, Johnny has had a new outlook on life. He isn't so sad anymore, and cherishes every day.
I admire Johnny's resilience. Heck, I admire everything about him. His eyes, his smile, the way he can make me feel like the only one in the world that matters.
Johnny speaks up, snapping me back to reality.
"Whatcha thinkin about Pone?"
I look down. "I don't know, why?"
"Well you seem awful flustered." he says.
I feel my face. It was obvious I had been blushing.
"Oh, am I? I didnt know. I was just, uh, thinking about what Darry's making for dinner." I lie.
You're so stupid. Dinner? Really? That's the best you could come up with? I look to Johnny to see if he had caught on. Thankfully he hadn't, so he didn't question me any further.
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We got to my house and I could already smell the food.
"Wonder what Darry's cookin'" Johnny chuckles, playfully elbowing me.
I smile and we head inside.
Darry waves us over and we sit down. He'd agreed to Johnny staying for dinner, like always. Tonight, dinner was chicken parmesan with a side of garlic mashed potatoes. Darry knew I absolutely loved chicken parm. The mashed potatoes were for Soda, they were his favorite. I looked up from my plate and grinned at my oldest brother. "Thank you Darry!"
"You're welcome kiddo." he said, returning my smile.
The four of us scarfed down our food.
Once we were all done, we washed up our plates and headed towards the living room to watch TV. We shifted through the channels, watching whatever was on, when Johnny got up.
"I should go. It's getting late." he told us. There was a silence before I spoke up.
"Where are you staying tonight?"
He stood there contemplating what I had asked him.
"The lot."
"But Johnny it's freezing out." Soda chimed in.
"Yeah, I know, but I really dont want to go home."
I looked down, remembering how Johnny's parents treated him. He'd rather risk hypothermia than sleep in his own house.
"Well" Darry said thinking, "why don't you spend the night here?"
I perked up hearing Darry's offer. Staying here meant Johnny would be safe. Safe with me.
"That'd be wonderful, thanks Darry." Johnny said, his face lighting up. He sat back down, sitting next to me.
A few hours of channel flipping and cheesy action movies later, and it's time to go to bed.
Soda has been sleeping on the couch more often now. I thinks it's because he enjoys watching movies to sleep. Sometimes the noise from the TV bothers me, but I do like having the bed to myself.
Johnny will be sleeping in Darry's rickety old chair, since there won't be anywhere else for him. We all settled into our respective arrangements, and went to bed for the night.
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It was about 2 hours after all of us had went to bed when I heard a soft voice call out my name.
"Ponyboy?"
I knew it was Johnny.
"Yeah?" I asked, still not fully awake.
"I, I can't sleep." he said quietly, "I was wondering if you had anywhere else I could stay instead of that chair."
I thought for a moment, not sure of where he could go. I suddenly had an idea. I took a deep breath.
"You can sleep with me if you want, it's pretty lonely without Soda."
He shrugged and walked over to my bed, lifting up the covers and laying down. I could feel my pulse quicken. I shut my eyes, hoping to ease my nervousness.
Johnny scooched closer to me. I opened my eyes to see what he was doing, when I noticed his head on my shoulder. So much for trying to calm my nerves. I felt my face heat up, glad for the darkness of my room.
We were silent for a minute, when Johnny broke the tension.
"You know Pony," he paused for a second, "I kinda like sleeping next to you. Like in the church, when I would fall asleep beside you. Even though there so many bad things going on, it was the first time in my life I've felt... safe."
I couldn't believe it. The first time Johnny Cade felt safe was when he was next to me. I must've left him hanging, because he spoke up.
"I-Im sorry if that made you uncomfortable Pone, I just-"
"No Johnny, you didn't make me uncomfortable." I interrupt him. "If anything, that made me more comfortable. I like sleeping next to you too."
I swear I could feel him blush.
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Morning came quickly. Besides the occasional heart attack I would get whenever I'd remember Johnny was sleeping next to me, I managed to get through the night.
Darry fixed us breakfast before we headed off the school. Johnny didn't enjoy school as much as I did, but he got along just fine.
I think he doesnt realize how smart he is. I look up to him a lot, more than he could know. He says it's a shame we aren't in the same grade, which I agree. We barely get to see each other during school.
We walk home together though, which is always nice. He tells me how his day went and I tell him mine. He thinks it's funny when I complain about the same teachers he complained about when he was my age. I love making Johnny smile.
He came over to our house for dinner again that night. After dinner we sat in the living room, bored out of our minds. There were no good things to watch on TV, and we had played every board game we had to death.
"Hey Johnny" I asked, "do you wanna maybe take a walk or somethin'? Only if you're okay with that though."
Johnny smiled. "Yeah sure Pone. We just gotta be careful since its getting dark out."
I grinned. "Okay Johnny."
I walked over to Darry who was in his room and asked him if we could. He said to be home before 9:30 and to bring a switchblade, just in case something were to ever happen.
The socs rarely jump us anymore after Randy told them to back off, but you can never be too careful. We said goodbye to my brothers and told them we'd be back soon.
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While me and johhny were walking, I couldn't help but admire him. We were walking in silence but the sound of my heart was loud. I could barely concentrate on anything other than his face. So much so that I tripped on the curb.
"Ow!" I mutter through gritted teeth.
"Are you okay Pony?" Johnny rushed to my side.
I look down to see my knee is bleeding. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."
Johnny examines my face. "You sure?"
"Positive. I just banged up my knee, that's all."
Johnny pulls up my pant leg and I wince. He frowns, looking up at me. "We better head back Pone, so we can bandage this up."
I sigh. "Okay."
I didn't want to seem like a wuss, but I couldn't go against Johnny's wishes when he's only trying to help.
Me and Johnny walk back to the house without saying a word to each other. It's not awkward silence though, it's comfortable silence.
We get to the door and open it, finding Soda watching cartoons and Darry, per usual, reading the newspaper.
Soda looks over to us. "Back so early?"
I look down. "Yeah Pony bashed up his knee pretty good." Johnny says. Soda and Darry check and make sure I'm alright before continuing their activities.
Johnny brings me over to the bathroom and pulls out our small medical kit we keep under the sink. He grabs the medical pad and the gauze to put over the wound. He grabs one more thing out of the kit, its a small tube I assume to be some sort of antibiotic ointment.
He carefully pulls my pant leg up and I bite my cheek. He unravels the cap to the ointment.
"This might sting a little." he warns me.
As he spreads the medication on my knee I shut my eyes, hoping for the pain to go away.
"I'm sorry Pone, but it'll feel better soon, I promise." Johnny reassures me. I relax a bit. Johnny always has a way of making me feel better.
He takes the pad out of its packaging and places it on the cut. He then wraps the gauze around it and my leg. He gently pulls my pant leg back down and stands up.
"Thank you Johnny" I smile at him.
He beams back at me. "No problem, Pony."
As I sat there, watching him put away the medical kit, I couldnt help but stare. The way his eyes sparkled, the fluffiness of his ungreased hair. I felt my heart start to race.
Why do I feel this way?
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Johnny finished up and I followed him out of the bathroom and to the the living room. He told us he was headed for the lot and we said our goodbyes. After he walked out the door, I knew I had one thing to do.
Find Dally.
I told my brothers I was going with Johnny. Darry would skin me if he knew I was goin' to Buck's, but it was the one place I could almost count on that Dally would be.
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Buck answered the door and called down Dallas. Dally was a bit surprised to see me standing in the doorway, but nonetheless let me in.
He led me to his room and we sat down on the bed.
"Whatcha come here for kid? If Darry knew you were you here, you'd be a goner, man." He chuckled.
"That's why he won't." I elbowed him. "But I do need to ask you somethin'" I looked down to collect my thoughts.
"Well spit it out!" he urged.
I took a deep breath. "Well ever since a few months ago, I've had a weird feeling around Johnny, but in the last few days it's gotten more intense. Whenever I see him my heart starts racing. And- and whenever he gets real close to me, or touches my hand or somethin', my stomach gets this jittery feeling and my face gets hot. I'm not mad at him, or scared of him, but he makes me nervous for some reason. Do you know why that is Dal?"
Dally chuckles. "Why I think I know whats goin' on here." he smiles and pokes my chest. "Someone's got the hots for Johnny Cade."
I blush beet red and stand up. "No I do not!"
"Do to!"
"How would you know that?"
Dally smirks. "First of all, those feelings you just described are the exact feelings you feel when you like someone. Come on kid, you act like I ain't had a crush on someone before."
He shakes his head before continuing. "Second, I've seen the way you look at him. It's like you're a dog, and he's a big juicy steak or something. Johnny looks at you the same way. You two are a match made in heaven."
I thought for a moment. Do I look at him that way? And even more crazy, he looks at me the same? I felt my heart start to thump again.
After a long silence I sit back down on the bed. "Dally I think you're right. I do have a crush on Johnny."
Dally laughed as I sat there thinking. What would the gang say?
I turned to him. "B-But it's wrong though... to like a boy." I quivered.
Dallas put his arm around my shoulder. "Nah man, I've liked plenty of guys in my lifetime. It's perfectly fine to be gay. Hell, have you seen Soda and Steve?"
I laughed, now fully realizing why my brother acts so differently around his best friend.
"And they aren't the only ones either. It's like everyone in the damn gang is gay." Dally chuckles.
I look at him in shock. "What?"
"Yeah, could you not tell? First off, your brother."
"Well I know about Steve and Soda." I butt in.
Dally smirks. "No, no him too... But im talking about the other one."
My jaw drops. "Darry is gay?!"
"Yup. For that uh- that football player that he used to date. Holden somethin'. Yeah they talked things out after the rumble and have been keeping things private ever since."
"Well how did you know then?" I asked puzzled.
"I caught em' makin' out when y'all weren't home, sworn to secrecy I wouldn't tell nobody."
"Yet here we are." I grin.
Wow. In the last 15 minutes I just got a whole new perspective on my life. I realized who I truly am, who the gang truly are, and how it's okay to be that way.
I stand up to leave, but before I do, I hug Dally. "Thank you." I whisper.
And he doesn't try to push me away. He actually... smiles?
"You're welcome kid. Now get lost before you get your ass whooped."
I skip down his stairs and fly out the door.
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I come home to dinner, with Darry and Soda waiting. I sit down to eat and notice Darry's expression. He looks nervous as all get out. Minutes went by before he spoke up.
"Guys I have some news."
Me and Soda looked at him expectantly. "Go on..."
"I've actually uh" he clears his throat "I've been seeing someone."
Soda's eyes perk up while I sit there knowing damn well who it is.
"Oooo who's the lucky lady?" Soda says with a smirk.
Darry goes red before replying.
"It's uh- it's not a lady. I'm dating Paul Holden." he cowers his head "now before you say anything, I know its wrong b-but I really do l-love him-"
Me and Soda have already left our seats at the table and embraced our brother in a big hug.
"It's not wrong Darry, it's perfectly fine. All it is is love, and ain't nothin' wrong with that. I'm in love with Steve, and that's not so bad ain't it? We just have to be true to ourselves and that's all that matters." Soda ruffles Darry's hair and I speak up.
"Yeah, and I got a crush on Johnny, and that's okay, right?"
My big brothers nod their heads and we hug each other once more.
"I love you guys." Darry whispers.
Me and Soda smile. "We love you too, Superman."
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We helped clean the table and wash the dishes before it was time for bed. Soda took his place on the couch, and I think I finally understand why now. It's the place Steve sleeps when he's over. I grin to myself and hop into my bed.
I try to fall asleep but to no avail. Something's missing. Something that's been on my mind all day.
Johnny.
I need him near me. I need him next to me.
I get up and quietly walk to Darry's room. I knock lightly, hoping I won't get yelled at. Darry opens it and rubs his eyes.
"What is it Pony?"
I gulp. "Umm... Well I was wondering if we could pick up Johnny so he isn't sleeping in the lot, you know?"
Darry glares at me. "You really think I'd let Johnny spend the night after you just told us you had feelings for him?"
My bones froze and I could feel tears welling in my eyes. But before I could counter, Darry cut me off.
"Im only kidding Ponyboy, go get your shoes on."
He slugged me in the shoulder and I couldn't help but smile.
"But don't go thinking I'm gonna let you pull this stunt again, mister. You woke me up at midnight for goodness sakes."
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We left for the lot, a snoring Soda back at home. It didn't take long to find Johnny, covered in newspapers trying to stay warm.
"Johnny?" I whispered. Johnny blindly stumbled to get up.
"Hey Pone, what're you doin' out here so late for?"
I pointed to Darry. "We wanted you to spend the night at our house again, so you don't die of hypothermia."
He chuckled but then his expression turned serious. "I mean, I don't want to be a burden on y'all-"
"Shut your trap Johnnycakes, you're coming with us whether you like it or not."
I pulled him with us and we hopped in the truck. Johnny smiled the whole way home.
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When we got back, Soda was still asleep. Darry headed back to his room, and I headed back to mine. Not without Johnny of course.
I took my shoes off while Johnny threw his jacket aside. Once we got comfy we both layed down. I smiled, happy I'd found what I had been missing.
But the night wasn't over yet. I still needed to tell Johnny the feelings I had been wanting to express. The reason why I have been so awkward around him. He needed to know.
"Psst" I whispered. "Johnny, you awake?"
"Mhm" he grumbled sleepily.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."
"No, you're fine, I was hardly asleep anyway." he smiled. "What didja need?"
I paused for a moment. "I just wanted to uh, tell you something I needa get off my chest."
"Sure Pony, you can tell me anything."
I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing.
"Johnny, ever since the fire, I've realized just how much you mean to me. But in the past few weeks, it's like I realized something different. Something more. I realized that I have stronger feelings for you than a friend should. I h-have a crush on you Johnny, and there's nothing I can do about it. It's okay if you hate me now, and I understand if you do my wanna be my friend anymore, but these feelings aren't gonna go away any time soon." I could feel tears sliding down my cheeks.
"Im s-sorry Johnny."
I turned away from him and pulled the covers up tight. 'You stupid idiot' I thought. I was about to start crying when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Don't be sorry Pone." Johnny said tenderly. "I uh-" he chuckled "I got something to confess myself."
I rolled over and peeked put my blanket.
"I gotta crush on you too Ponyboy. I've liked you for a while. I just never thought I'd stand a chance since I thought you liked that Cherry girl. I guess I was wrong. I'd never think in a million years you'd like me back though."
Johnny smiled as I blushed, amazed he felt the same way.
Johnny scooched closer and threw his arm around me. I nuzzled into the crook of his arm, feeling comforted by his warmth.
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We layed there a while, my heart still beating faster than ever.
"Y'know," Johnny spoke, breaking the silence, "if I had the chance to go to my favorite place in the entire world, I'd decline."
I looked up at him confused. "Why?"
"Because I'm already there." He placed a soft kiss at the top of my head.
"Right beside you."