Chapter Text
“I found it!”
“Found wh-“
2D stopped dead as he looked over to Murdoc, who was standing in the doorway to the living room. He triumphantly held high a video tape in his hand, a wicked glimmer in his eyes as he stared 2D down.
2D’s blood ran cold.
“NO!”
He made a move to dive for it, but before the motion could really start, he was tackled onto the sofa, both arms pinned gently but firmly behind his back.
“Is that the video you were talking about?” Noodle asked excitedly, while trying to avoid 2D’s flailing legs.
“Fabled lost media.” Murdoc announced, tapping at the tape tantalisingly, “nonexistent online. And believe me, I’ve looked.”
“Russel, smash it!” 2D wailed, quickly realising that all the struggling in the world wouldn’t free him.
“Man, I haven’t even thought about that clip in, god, must be 15 years.” Russel recounted with a touch of sentimentality.
“I’ve never seen it!” Noodle chirped.
“Well, love, your world is about to change.” Murdoc grinned, spinning the tape on his finger like a basketball.
“It’s not even that good!” 2D protested.
“That’s what makes it good, bud.” Russel chuckled.
Noodle shuffled around a couple times to avoid stray feet, “Quit kicking!”
Russel stood from the adjacent sofa and wandered to the pair, “Get his legs girl, I got him.”
2D squeaked in fear, “No no no-“
Noodle rolled to the other side of the sofa to seize 2D’s legs, and barely a millisecond later Russel was sat on 2D’s back, immobilising him completely.
“Crushing-me-“ 2D attempted pitifully.
“Unlikely,” Russel explained, “This is 10% max. Look, I’ll give you 15 for just a second.”
Russel relaxed his legs ever so slightly and 2D yelped in shock.
Murdoc had a jig in his step as he danced over to the VHS player and popped the tape in.
“Hang on, the video player don’t work!” 2D shouted with renewed hope.
“No, it does,” Murdoc admitted, “I just told you that so you wouldn’t buy that Land Before Time box set.”
“So what is it, exactly?” Noodle asked.
“Art.” Said Russel.
“Insanity.” Said Murdoc.
“A nightmare.” Whimpered 2D.
Murdoc pressed play, and for a moment there was only black.
“We all thought this would be a good idea, just so you know!” 2D offered as a desperate disclaimer.
After a quick fade, on the TV were two teenagers with an amusingly large prop spliff.
“Check it out!” Said the first teenager, “Swiped some gnarly drug from my brother’s draws.”
“Forgot he said gnarly.” Russel whispered. Noodle was giggling already.
“Radical, dude!” Replied the second, “But wait, my mom said drugs are for the totally un-tubular.”
“Oh my god, it’s a drug PSA.” Noodle said in an excited hush.
“Pfft,” Scoffed the first teenager, “What does your mom know anyway, other than how to make me sick pancakes? Now lets get to smoking this drug!”
The camera cut, and the teenagers turned to the sound of the door opening, both gasping. The camera cut again, and there stood a younger looking, slightly sheepish 2D.
Murdoc turned to Noodle. “He was supposed to break through the door but he was too puny, so they changed it to him just opening it and walking through.”
“This is the best day of my life.” Was all she could say.
“Hey. Hold on for a bit, kids. Please.” TV 2D said stiffly, with a fair amount of marble-mouth.
The teenagers gasped again, for some reason, “2D from Gorillaz!” They said in synchronicity.
Noodle gasped dramatically, “THE 2D from Gorillaz?”
“In OUR joint rotation?” Murdoc added seamlessly.
“Watch out, kids!” Called Russel, “He has no respect for the law of puff puff pass!”
2D could only groan, with little choice to accept his fate.
TV 2D cleared his throat, “Now I know a bit of grass might seem like a dope time, but keep your head in the clouds too long and it might just stay there!”
The dialogue was choppy, as if it was a dozen different takes stitched together. The camera was cutting unnaturally rapidly back to the teenagers, with 2D slightly out of position each time the camera returned, and one time he was just blatantly reading from a script.
Russel turned to Murdoc, “How many takes did he do again?”
“47.” Murdoc instantly recounted, “Remember, you had to pay out because you were convinced he wouldn’t need more than 30.”
“That’s right, your acting cost me 100 of your Brit money,” Russel chided, applying a touch more weight to 2D for a second as punishment.
“But, 2D?” The second teenager said, “Surely a cool rockstar like you has smoked drugs before.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, mate.” TV 2D said, with more camera cuts, “I never have, and never will.”
All three broke at that, with 2D burying his head into the sofa to try and drown out the guffawing.
“Be honest,” Noodle said as she wiped a tear from her eye, “were you high when you filmed this?”
“Course I was!” 2D shrieked, causing her to burst into laughter once more.
“Best part’s still coming.” Russel murmured with a grin.
“How are we not at the best part yet?” Noodle exclaimed.
“So,” TV 2D said, seemingly glad to be nearly finished, “Next time someone asks if you wanna smoke the-“
The camera cut to the teenagers once again, but this time when it cut back, someone else was standing there, in a blue wig and obviously fake black contact lenses.
“-silly stuff,” the stranger continued, in a not terrible impression of 2D, with far better enunciation, “be like me, 2D from Gorillaz, and say thanks but no thanks, mate!”
“What?” Noodle asked the room, “What happened?”
“They fired him.” Murdoc said quietly, but brimming with glee, “they fired him from his own PSA. He was that shite.”
“Greg, that guy’s name was.” Russel said, “Nice guy, hope he ended up doing alright.”
“Considered taking him home instead.” Murdoc mused.
The logo for abovetheinfluence.co.uk flashed on the screen, and that was that, and the tape faded to black.
“Oh my god.” Noodle exhaled, sounding exhausted. "I can't believe I don't remember that. Where did that air?”
“You think that shit aired anywhere?” Russel laughed, “We got sent the tapes for our approval, but before we could send any word back we heard they weren’t going ahead with it. Who’dve thought, right?”
“Thought I’d found them all…” 2D whispered. “I’ll get me hands on that one, you’ll see! I’ll destroy it!”
“Think I didn’t make about 20 copies in 10 different formats before presenting this? Think this is my first day embarrassing you?” Murdoc skipped to the TV, popped the tape out and turned to them. “What do we reckon, peeps? YouTube? The website? MP4 file free with every album bought?”
“No, please! You can’t!” 2D squealed.
“I like it just being ours.” Noodle said gently, seeing that they were nearing the boundary between mockery and cruelty. 2D had ceased struggling a while back but she continued holding his legs, more for comfort than restraint. “Like our own Christmas special, we watch it every year.”
“Maybe reenact it, even.” Russel suggested innocently.
“I’d love that!” She agreed.
“Well, we know who shouldn’t play 2D.” Murdoc chuckled.
“Sod off!”