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“I will keep singing the Inu-Oh chapters, but under a new name!”
He strummed the biwa to emphasize his point. Placing heavy emphasis on the importance. It wasn’t a new name for himself, for a belief or even for his family.
This was for Inu-oh.
“Tomoari.”
Tomoari smiled, turning towards Inu-oh. He wondered what kind of expression he was making under the mask. He knew the monster turned man was always wearing a different mask with each day and each occasion, but the face he couldn’t see fascinated him to no end. If things weren’t where they were supposed to be, where were they?
The soft breeze that blew the sakura around them was cooling and smelled sweet. The taste of sake on his lips, the liquid flowing like liquid courage through him.
Inu-oh laughed heartily and Tomoari could hear the sloshing of the sake as he was sure his partner was taking another swig. They may have been on the property of the nobles, they couldn’t care less. It was just the two of them in their minds.
“Well then, Tomoari, I hope we stay together like this till the end of time.”
Tomoari was sure Inu-oh wasn’t looking at him, but the words he spoke made heat rush to his face. He knew for a fact it wasn’t because of the alcohol. But something else inside of himself he couldn’t place.
Whatever the feeling was, it was warm and inviting. At the same time, the feeling also ached in his chest. Like the promise was something he was sure Inu-oh couldn’t keep. He didn’t want to have that feeling but something else was speaking that wasn’t truly him.
He wanted to stay like this forever, just strumming his biwa mindlessly, his lipstick smeared on the bottle of sake between them and talking of sweet nothings.
It was hard to imagine his life before Inu-oh. Dan-no-ura was nice, but it was small in both perspectives and in paths for life to take. The priests that taught him the biwa were nice, but they were stuck in one way of life. They had no future because they believed in only one way of being.
But Inu-oh? He knew how to be free. Before finding out how to end his curse, he was still happy. He danced freely when he was with Tomoari. He sang for himself and they were lonely together. They could just be themselves when it was just them.
A nostalgic ache swept through Tomoari. He missed that, just strumming on the mountain top with no real song in mind as Inu-oh accompanied him through dance or song. He made up the moves and the lyrics on the spot, but knowing he was there was a comfort.
“Tomoari!”
Inu-oh interrupted Tomoari’s thoughts.
“What is it?” He turned his head toward his companion, though he could not see him. Just the gesture was enough for Inu-oh.
“You were spacing out again. Writing another song about me? I’m pretty sure we don’t have to advertise our shows anymore. What with all the talk there is about us from noblemen in their stuffy lives to the common man and his dogs.”
It was true, but Tomoari always liked writing those songs anyway. Always about Inu-oh and how he was changing, about how they travelled and where they went, what they did. He wanted to keep writing about Inu-oh, but recently the lyrics had gotten too adventurous.
They’d gone to places where Tomoari himself was unsure they should go. He knew that together, they’d focused on the things people didn’t want to hear. The hidden Heike stories and the provocative nature of both of them wearing less clothes.
Tomoari even began wearing makeup, he’d learned from prostitutes from brothels. Though he’d garnished quite the reputation from going to those establishments from time to time. However, he only liked talking with the men and women. Learning their ways of life and how they saw the world, they all talked highly of Inu-oh and were more than happy to give help and advice.
It was hard initially, learning where to place certain makeup and how it felt in the hand. It was like learning the biwa all over again, but soon enough he’d gotten it and even the prostitutes of the brothels were impressed by his skills.
The makeup was beautiful, or he thought so as he couldn’t really check in a mirror. But everyone else praised him for it, including Inu-oh so he kept doing it. He told himself it was for the public or for his own personal reasons, but it really was for Inu-oh.
The thought that the sake bottle between them was stained in that red lipstick, and Inu-oh kept drinking from it. It warmed Tomoari’s chest significantly more than he thought it would.
What was this feeling he had when he thought about Inu-oh? They had grown together, seeing each other’s worst and highest moments. Tomoari always thought it was just their closeness and friendship but the more he thought about how he felt in this moment, he wasn’t so sure anymore.
Two friends didn’t sit under a sakura tree and talk about staying together forever. Two friends didn’t share a bottle of sake while hoping to get even a taste of each other on the bottle.
Tomoari thought for a while, Inu-oh talking about music and their next show. What stories they would tell, and then he understood.
Tomoaru understood the feeling in his chest. More than admiration and more than just friendly longing. This was something closer to love. The girls in the brothel told him about it before.
“A deep longing that fills your chest. A want so heavy that it feels like the weight of a thousand boulders.” They had described it a million different ways. It was both warming and chilling, heavy and light, it was a thousand contradictions at once.
When he had asked them what to do once he was in love, they’d all said the same thing in different ways.
“Confess or let it go. Either way is a big risk, but love makes people crazy and just leaving it to its own devices wasn’t an option.”
The sake they’d been taking swigs of was getting to Tomoari’s head. He was feeling fuzzy and light, and Inu-oh was now leaning on Tomoari. Mumbling and humming songs softly in his ear. Their faces were a matching shade of pink, the alcohol had taken them down and they were happy.
The realization of his feelings, with the mixture of alcohol in his system made Tomoari more confident than he would have been if this was a sober realization.
He turned his head towards his companion. Smiling at how even the slightest of touches made him melt. How, even if he couldn’t see him, Tomoari was the first to truly know the wonderful person that Inu-oh was.
“I love you…”