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Kaeya lay his head against Ajax’s shoulder, savoring the low rumbling at his throat as he hummed a soft tune. The scarred, pale arms beneath his suit held him securely, one supporting his back and another under his knees.
It’s not the first time Ajax had come over to his apartment in the heart of Mondstadt. Nor was it the first time he stayed the night. But it was the first night of a long, long life ahead of them, the first night since they’d exchanged rings.
And Kaeya… wasn’t sure what to make of it.
None of today had been real. None of the past six months of engagement had been real. At any second, he was going to wake up and the dream would come to a close. How could it be anything but a dream? How could he be so lucky?
Kaeya’s gaze wandered up to study his face as he carefully made his way into his room - or, rather, he supposed it was their room, now. His lovely, wonderful face, the very same he’d studied so many times that he’d memorized every freckle. Ajax minded the archway, and as he lowered Kaeya down to his bed - no, their bed - he felt like his heart was melting all over again.
Ajax didn’t quite withdraw, though, hands on the mattress either side of him, and Kaeya’s face warmed as he gave him a light kiss, the touch of lips to lips so brief, so chaste that Kaeya hardly knew what to make of it.
“...Do you want me to stay?”
What the hell kind of a question was that? “...Ajax, we’re married.” He’d had half a year to mentally prepare himself for this change, but sweet Archons, the words still felt so foreign on his tongue. “You really think I’d marry someone I didn’t want to wake up next to for the rest of my life?”
He breathed a laugh against him. “I should sure hope not. But you never know.”
“If you leave me to sleep by myself tonight, I’m going to cry and I’ll never forgive you.”
He pressed a kiss to the corners of his lips, tugging on his hands when he pulled back. “Then… come on. Let’s get comfortable. Need some help with the back?”
His face felt far too warm as he stood. “Please.”
As Kaeya turned so Ajax could handle the lacing and buttons in the back of his white suit - he’d chosen one with more intricate details and lacing and a signature corset detailing - he couldn’t tell if the tingling in his fingers was from anxiety or excitement, if the sickening flutter to his stomach came from anticipation or dread.
They’d talked about this. They’d already agreed to it. Ajax wanted his first time to be on their wedding night, and Kaeya was in the same boat. It was meant to be sweet, tender, it was meant to be romantic and loving, it was meant to solidify the love behind what drove them to marry in the first place…
Shivers ran down his skin as his suit fell away, as Ajax pressed kisses to the back of his neck, trailing down his spine-
He jumped when his lips brushed over the small of his back. “Wait-!”
Hands rested on his hips, though Ajax withdrew still.
“...Sorry, sorry I don’t..”
Ajax turned him around. “What’s wrong?”
Kaeya slid his arms around his neck, pulling them close as he became hyper aware of how he only had his pants on at this point, at the lace boxers underneath he’d saved as a surprise for a night that he wasn’t even sure he could-
“Kaeya? Lubimea moy, what is it-?”
“It’s nothing.” Kaeya kissed the corner of his lips. “Just… a lot happened today, I guess I just needed a second.”
“Feeling overwhelmed?”
“Maybe. I don’t know.” He kissed the other corner. “It’s nothing, though.”
Ajax reached to hold the back of his head, fingers splayed out over his scalp. The warmth felt pleasant against his skin, but did nothing to dampen the sense of something being… off. Like trying to stuff something in a box feeling sure that there was room, but it wasn’t going in.
Ajax kissed him again. Soothing, warm, tasting like the cherry wine they’d shared after the ceremony and the wildberry tarts his mama made as gifts. Always soothing, always warm, always with so much love that Kaeya still felt like this wasn’t fucking real-
Kaeya reached for the lapels of his vest, and Ajax allowed him to slide it off his shoulders, allowed him to reach for his buttons.
Why were the buttons so snug in the holes, though? Why couldn’t the damn plastic slide through the fabric? Had it caught on something? Was it too tight? No, wait, too loose-
Ajax took hold of Kaeya’s hands. “Easy, Kae. Breathe.”
He hadn’t realized his hands were trembling. “Right… Sorry.”
Ajax ended up freeing himself of his shirt. Stepped away to slide out of his pants, too. Kaeya’s face felt far too hot, the rest of his body was way too cold, he reached for his pants, too, because he wanted to feel Ajax’s warmth all over him, wanted him to feel his touch against his skin, wanted to hide, disappear-
Ajax raised his brows as Kaeya managed to hobble out of his pants, folding them over and holding them before his waist as he looked for something to occupy his hands, something to shield him from his eyes, his gaze- “Y’know, white lace has always suited you, so it shouldn’t surprise me to see your choice of underwear. But somehow, it does.”
“...You think it doesn’t work?”
“What-? No, Kaeya, you look great in them.” He offered a kind smile, lowering down to take a seat on the edge of his - their - bed and extending his arms out to him. “Come here, love. Let me have a closer look?”
Kaeya laid the folded pants on his dresser, the cold air of his room hitting his skin in painful detail as he approached. Ajax took hold of his hands, guiding him carefully forward, to-
“Are you sure I can..?”
“Of course.” Kaeya found himself hesitating. “...I mean. You don’t have to if you don’t-,”
Kaeya eased himself down to straddle him in his lap, taking hold of Ajax’s face between his hands as if that might steady his hands-
“...Kaeya? You’re shaking.”
He gave him a small smile. “It’s just chilly in here. Warm me up?”
Ajax wrapped his arms around him as Kaeya kissed him again, pulling him close.
Warm. So, so warm.
He could sink into this warmth and bask in it for the rest of his life.
He felt lips trail away from his own, felt them trail down his jaw, his neck-
“Mm, I don’t think I can warm you up on my own.” Ajax mumbled against him. “Lay down with me? We can pull the covers up. It’ll help.”
Covers… yeah. That sounded nice. Maybe if he didn’t see it, it wouldn’t make him so damn nervous-
“Sure.” Kaeya stood. “Scoot back.”
He did, pulling back the covers and sliding underneath. He’d taken Kaeya’s usual side and spot, but he supposed it made no difference since he was going to be adjusting no matter what, anyway.
Kaeya laid down next to him, lifting his weighted blanket over them and laying on his side to face his…
…His husband. That’s right.
A warm hand found his, a blue gaze set on his, warm fingers reached for his face.
Kaeya flinched as Ajax reached for his face, but when he went to withdraw, Kaeya took hold of his hand with his free one instead, pressing it against his cheek. Against the skin Ajax idly brushed over with his thumb. Like he’d probably been intending to originally.
He knew he wasn’t going to take it off for him, he knew, he knew he wouldn’t, but…. Why did he jump? Why did he flinch?
“...I know you’re not the kind of guy to divorce over a scar.” Kaeya said quietly. “I know I already told you about my heritage, I shouldn’t be scared, but… I guess I’m still nervous about showing this sort of thing.”
“You can keep the eyepatch on, then. You know I won’t make you take it off, kotik.”
“I know.”
Ajax scooted closer, resting his hand over his chest. “...It’s okay to be nervous, you know. It’s also okay if you’ve changed your mind.”
“But we agreed already. Remember?”
“I do. But I’d far rather you be relaxed and enjoy yourself.” Ajax laughed quietly, light-hearted, like he wasn’t facing rejection by his own husband on his own wedding night- “Besides… it’s not like we’re going anywhere tomorrow. We’ll have all day to enjoy ourselves together, you know? It can wait if you’re overwhelmed already, love.”
He had a point, but… it didn’t sit right.
Ajax wanted to share something special with him on their wedding night. Something only they’d ever have of each other, something that couldn’t be taken, a piece of each-other that they’d forever have, a final piece to solidify and prove and express just how deep their love ran for one another. That was the point. That was the point of giving themselves up tonight. That was why they waited until they’d exchanged rings and until they’d shared their vows. This was important to him.
Kaeya ran his fingers down his cheek and over his neck. Slowly, carefully, taking in every curve and dip and committing it to memory. “No, I… I still want this with you.”
Ajax slid his arm around his waist, pulling him closer. Kaeya’s face burned as skin met skin, as he instinctively fit himself to his body, as he fell so naturally into place and yet-
He brushed a kiss over Kaeya’s forehead, and he reached up to run his fingers through his hair, looking to ground himself, anything-
“I love you.” He almost felt the whisper against his ear more than he heard it. “I love you so, so much. I think I’m the luckiest man alive as of today, if I’m being honest.”
“...Yeah?” Kaeya dropped his voice, too, mumbling against his fair skin.
“Mhmm.” He felt warm fingers caressing the skin at his lower back, at his waist, warmth peeking through the gaps in the lace at his hip. “I get to call you my husband for the rest of my life. Lottery winners aren’t even this lucky.”
Kaeya let his hands trail over his chest, soaking up every word breathed against his ear and sending pleasant tingles down his spine, soaking up the feel of him beneath his fingertips, soaking up the sturdiness and body heat wrapping around him like a blanket. “...I think I might be the lucky one here, Ajax.”
“You think?”
“...No, I know.” He pressed a kiss against his chest, over the fluttering heart skipping beats under his hand. “...I never thought I’d ever find someone who’d stick around through it all, you know? I know I’m not always easy to get along with. You’ve seen so many sides of me, and you’ve never shied away from any of it. You know how hard that is to find?”
“Of course I do.” He brushed a kiss over his forehead, pulling back enough to look him in the eye. “But you know that already, I think.”
Kaeya searched his face.
Always so raw, always so open, always so honest. Always, always with him.
The soft crinkle in the corners of his eyes. The way his lips curled upwards. The way his forehead was so smooth, so clear of any worried wrinkles. The way his cheeks looked just a little too pink under his freckles.
Kaeya reached for his eyepatch, all too painfully aware of how quiet it was as he tugged on the tie behind his head, squeezing the fabric tightly as it fell into his hand.
Ajax said nothing as he took it in. The scar, the pitch-black sclera, the golden iris with the four-pointed star pupil in the center… another piece that Kaeya would never share with the rest of the world, another piece that only Ajax would ever see again.
Kaeya wasn’t sure where the eyepatch went as Ajax reached out to caress his face. Maybe it fell from his hand, maybe it fell off the bed, maybe it slid under the pillow…
But it didn’t matter. Not as he so, so carefully, so tenderly ran his finger over the scar he’d received the first and only other time he’d shown this part of himself to someone. Not as he leaned forward. Not as he brushed a kiss over his eyelid.
Kaeya reached to slide his arms over his neck, holding on tight and refusing to let him withdraw. And, thankfully, Ajax didn’t seem to mind. Didn’t try to resist, didn’t try to pull away. Kaeya, too, didn’t retreat, didn’t shy away, even as he felt the soft skin of his lips sweeping over his brow, his forehead, his temple and his cheek and jaw and over the other side and-
He squeezed his eyes shut, the goosebumps so much more pleasant, more welcome, more… good. His hands trailed down Ajax’s shoulders, his chest, braved even his waist, but dared no further. And as he explored over his sides and up his back, he heard the quiet, slow exhale, like the tension built over the day now seeped out of him, chased away by a loving touch.
His loving touch.
“I love you.” Kaeya found himself whispering against his skin. “I know I’ve said it so many times today already, but… I love you.”
“I love you too, kotik. More than you know.”
He hummed at the kiss on his head. “...You really wouldn’t mind if we waited another night? I think… I think I’d like to lay with you, sleep with you, wake up with you… Just. You know. Be with you, tonight.”
“You know I’ll never say no to snuggling with you.”
“...You really wouldn’t be upset?”
A soft laugh, breathy against his ear. “I promise you, Kaeya, I really don’t mind. Holding you like this… it’s enough. More than enough. So… don’t worry about it, okay? Just relax with me.”
“...Okay.”
He felt his thumb rubbing idly, soothingly into his waist.
“...I love you, Ajax.”
“I love you too, Kaeya. I love you, too.”