Work Text:
Two Months Later
Clarke x Anya - The 100
“Well, I’m sorry I fell in love with you, okay ? But it happened and I can’t do anything about it.”
Clarke pushed the door close and didn’t even flinch because of the noise. She was so mad she just couldn’t care. She shouldn’t have gone to this stupid bar after such a long work day. It just made her angry and sad.
“Clarke, hey. How could you run so fast in the stairs when you are wearing heels ?” Anya whispered, out of breath when she passed the doors.
In the main room, Clarke was taking off her coach and shoes. She did her best to stay silent, not wanting to let out her anger on the woman.
“Babe, you okay ? I guess not since you won’t talk to me but…”
“Seriously, Anya ! Stop ! You’re making it like you don’t know what’s going on !” Clarke groaned, standing up.
“Well, I don’t know. You are acting weird.”
Anya took off her leather jacket and walked toward her.
“Okay, you want me to explain it. Right. I can manage the ‘secret relationship’ part even if it hurts me, you know that. But watching you flirt with this girl right in front of me ? Fuck, Anya, this is sick ! I can’t do this anymore.”
Clarke had tears in her eyes and Anya looked a bit shocked. She put one hand in her dark blonde hair, trying to find the right words to comfort her girlfriend.
“Look, I swear I wasn’t flirting. Please, my love, you know I would never do this to you.” Anya begged, grabbing Clarke’s hands in hers.
“Liar. I saw you. You were all giggling and whispering. She put her hand on your arm and you let her do it. It was like I wasn’t even here.” The younger girl cried.
“I’m sorry you saw that. Clarke, you know me. I swear I wasn’t flirting. And, I don’t know, maybe she was. Please, you are the one who knows me the best, you know I fucking can’t tell when someone is flirting.” Anya gasped.
Clarke sniffled. She could tell Anya was sincere, she knew it. But somehow, her chest tightened and se just couldn’t keep her rage in. It was too much, too hurtful. It was making it very hard to breathe.
“I’m so tired of this, An. I’m tired of going home alone because we can’t live together. I’m tired of listening to Raven trying to match me up with all her coworkers. Tired of being in the same space as you without being able to be with you.”
Anya looked at the woman with fear in her eyes. She was really terrified of what she thought was going to happen. She could tell Clarke was at her limits, that she was gonna break up with her.
“Babe, I…”
“It’s exhausting. I get that you’re scared about Lexa’s reaction but I think it’s stupid. Your sister is the best, she loves us. Don’t you see that I’m scared about my mom’s reaction too ? I am but I would rather having her hating me than spending a second more without us being together for real. I want to live with you, to spend the rest of my life with you and I don’t care anymore about what other people will say.” Clarke rambled, her mind racing as she remembered how many times she felt that hurt in her chest.
She was very glad Lexa was spending the night at her girlfriend because they had pushed away this conversation for too long.
Anya hugged herself as she took a step back. Clarke was right. From the very start of their relationship, she was the one makin it difficult. She was breaking Clarke’s heart again and again. She would be a lot better without her.
Like a reminder of her faults, Anya thought about the few hours before, when she got to the bar her sister told everyone to go to celebrate Anya’s first win as a lawyer. It was her first case, simple and with her mentor’s help all along but it was the first time.
“Congratulation, my love.” Clarke whispered, grabbing her hand to get her out of everyone’s view.
She had arrived thirty minutes late because she was finishing her shift at the hospital so everyone was occupied, chatting and dancing. Nobody paid them attention.
Clarke looked behind them before pushing Anya against the wall and kissing her. Anya answered, her hands pulling her girl towards her. But after a few seconds, her mind went blank and she pushed her away.
“Wait, Clarke, not here. What if Lexa comes looking for me ?” She said, worried.
“Talking about your sister. What a way to kill the mood.” Clarke sighed, rolling her eyes.
“I’m serious.” Anya laughed. “But thanks, babe. And you know, we will need to celebrate me being an amazing lawyer very soon. When we will be together. Just the two of us and my bed.”
Clarke had laughed and kissed her quickly before they got back to the rest of their friends. It was much later on that Anya started talking with some friend of Lexa. She couldn’t even remember the name of the girl, she was just being polite. She had drunk a little too much and was feeling down. She was thinking about Clarke and how she was dancing happily with Raven. She wanted it to be her. She wanted to be the one to dance with her. Why was she so afraid of what Lexa was gonna say ? It was obvious her sister would be happy for them.
“Are you even listening to me ?” Clarke sighed, looking at her with red puffy eyes.
“Sorry, I was… Please, can we just stop arguing ?” Anya asked, febrile.
Clarke gasped and sat down on the couch. Anya’s heart broke when she heard the sobs. She watched as her girlfriend broke down in front of her. What had she done ?
“Clarke, love, I’m very sorry. I didn’t want you to think I was flirting with this girl. I would never.” She tried to comfort her, putting her hand on her shoulder. “I’m just not ready to tell Lexa and the others. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you, it’s just hard and…”
“Well, I’m sorry I fell in love with you, okay ? But it happened and I can’t do anything about it.” Clarke cried, pushing her away. “Now, go back to your flat. I want to be alone.”
Anya stepped away, her heart breaking in her chest. She gasped. Why was it so hard to breathe ? It had never happened before. They had never said sorry for being in love. It hurt her so much to hear Clarke said that. She would have preferred being punched.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She mumbled, exiting the apartment.
She forgot her vest on a chair, let her keys in it. She didn’t care. She wanted nothing more than to run far away from the girl she just hurt without meaning it. So she did that. She run and run and run until she couldn’t anymore. The next morning, she waited until Clarke was at the hospital and took back her stuff. She left the flat keys in Clarke’s room with a little piece of paper saying she was sorry.