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The first time Madeline holds Helen’s hand, it sends a shiver through Helen so powerful, she physically recoils.
“What?” Madeline asks, startled, as she looks her up and down to make sure she’s okay.
“I don’t know.” Helen says, eyes shifting uncomfortably. “Don’t… Do that.”
“Okay?” Madeline replies, now feeling even more confused and also a little offended.
It’s always Helen’s idea to do things like this. Mad doesn’t exactly see the point in strolling through the park. Or stargazing or, god forbid, going on a hike, although they don’t actually sweat anymore, which does make the experience slightly less horrendous. Anyway, apparently the fresh air is good for them, which, again, Madeline isn’t sure makes much sense considering they no longer need air at all.
But Helen insists. She’s been really into the whole self care thing since becoming immortal, and when Madeline thinks about it, she’s right. There’s never been a more important time for them to start taking care of their bodies. And whilst it’s true Madeline does agree, she still doesn’t actually see how being out in nature is the answer. It’s not like the squirrels are going to glue their skin back down for them and she highly doubts they’d be able to hold an eyebrow pencil correctly.
But Madeline would rather walk in the park with Helen than stay at home without her. She just wishes she could at least hold Helen’s hand. What, she’s supposed to stay on this earth forever, with her person, and never hold her hand? Not even during walks in the park?
They make it ten more paces before Helen lets out a huff that shakes Madeline from her thoughts.
“What?” She asks.
Helen looks at her, a stubborn look on her face, as she mutters, “Nothing.”
They continue to walk, Helen now dragging her feet a little, as she gives another long, dramatic sigh.
“What?!” Madeline exclaims, losing her patience and still feeling sore from Helen’s rejection.
“I told you, it’s nothing!” Helen snaps, looking like a child who isn’t getting their way.
“Fine.” Madeline replies, before turning up her nose and briskly walking ahead.
“Mad.” Helen whines, looking wounded, as she stops in her tracks.
Madeline turns back around to face her, rolling her eyes, as she says, “Well then, tell me what’s wrong.”
Helen mutters something under her breath that Madeline has no way of making out.
“What?”
Helen sighs.
“I want you to…” She trails off, again mumbling so quietly it’s impossible to hear.
“You want me to do what?” Madeline asks, leaning in closer.
Helen scowls. “Stop making me say it.”
“You haven’t said it!”
Helen narrows her eyes at her and Madeline thinks if looks could kill she’d be double dead right now. But she just continues to stare back at her, urging her to try again, resulting in another long, painful sigh from Helen.
“Iwantyoutoholdmyhand.” She says so quickly, Madeline almost misses it again. Almost.
But then her head perks up a little higher, her eyes growing just a little wider, as the corners of her mouth begin to twitch.
“I’m sorry, Hel, one more time?”
“I can’t stand you.”
“Nope, nope, that wasn’t it.”
“You’re insufferable.”
“Say it again, please.”
Helen looks down at the floor and then back up, avoiding eye contact when she eventually says, “I want you… To… Hold my hand. There, you merciless freak.”
“Okay!” Madeline replies cheerfully, as she takes Helen’s hand in her own, and this time Helen only flinches a little.
“You just… Caught me off guard before.” She tells her, still looking mildly uncomfortable, as they continue walking.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I was under the impression that sleeping together meant I might be able to hold your hand without asking sometimes, my bad.”
“I just said I wasn’t expecting it!”
“I know! I am sorry. I was under that impression and I was wrong.”
Helen looks at her with a hint of a smile. “Wow, you’re really getting good at this apology thing.”
“I know.” Madeline says, looking pleased with herself. “Your ability to accept affection could be better.”
“Are we or are we not holding hands right now?”
“Hel, if you had a fully functioning stomach, I’m not convinced you wouldn’t have thrown up on me when I grabbed your hand earlier.”
“I would not have thrown up. Probably.”
“You make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.”
“It’s just… Difficult for me.”
“It was never difficult with Ernest. Or any of the other boys.”
“Yeah, because none of them mattered.” Helen says.
Madeline looks at her cautiously through narrowed eyes. “Go on.”
Helen stops walking again, turning to face Madeline and taking her other hand as well.
“You matter.”
“I do?” Madeline asks, looking at her with so much affection, Helen could swear her heart gives a flutter.
“Unfortunately.”
“Luckiest girl in the world feeling even luckier.”
“Well, I spent thirty of my living years trying to make you not matter and I couldn’t do it. So yeah, I would feel lucky if I were you.” Helen tells her, her expression now much gentler. “I didn’t feel a thing when any of the others touched me. When you do it, I think I feel too much.”
Madeline squeezes her hands, her bottom lip now involuntarily sticking out.
“I think I feel too much too, the only difference is I have this undying need to express it. No pun intended. I never wanted to hold anyone's hand before and now I don’t want to stop.”
“I don’t want you to stop.” Helen says so quickly, it almost makes Madeline squeal. “And I swear I’m gonna stop acting like I’m about to vomit every time you try.”
Madeline beams at her. “I want to kiss you now.”
“Where?”
“On the cheek?”
Helen considers this for a moment before finally giving a nod. “Yeah, I think I can handle that.”
Madeline leans in and places a kiss to Helen’s cheek, before whispering, “On the nose?” As she lifts a finger and gently boops her there, making Helen giggle and she decides it’s her greatest accomplishment all week. “On the mouth?” She asks, lips just inches from Helen’s, as the other woman looks down at her with a small smirk.
“Sure.”
“Okay.” Madeline whispers, connecting their lips, just briefly.
“See that? Didn’t even flinch.” Helen says, softly.
“No, but you are blushing.”
“I am not.”
“Only because you can’t.”
“So, we’ve established that I’m not.”
“But you would be.”
“I wouldn’t.”
“Would.”
“If you shut up I’ll let you kiss me again.”
“Deal.”
Helen smiles, real and true and bright, before rolling her eyes.
But Madeline’s already kissing her again, and Helen is cupping both of her cheeks, pulling her closer.
When they part, Madeline almost stumbles backwards.
“Now who’s blushing?” Helen asks, smugly.
“Me, I am.”
“No, you’re not.”
“No, I am. I want you to know that I am.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“That’s a step up from insufferable, I suppose.”
“No, no, you’re still insufferable.” Helen tells her, the smirk on her lips growing. “You drive me absolutely crazy. But I don’t want you to stop that either.”
“Good, because I don’t think I know how.”
“Good.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.” Helen echoes, already leaning in to kiss her again.
Madeline is grinning when they part, and then Helen simply grabs her hand and they keep on walking.