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Dan and Phil had separate bunks on their Terrible Influence Tour bus, but that didn't stop them from sharing some nights. They missed the feeling of having the other's skin and heat around them.
One night, Dan started in his bunk but moved to Phil's shortly after the last of the crew went to bed.
"Knock knock". Dan whispered.
"Come on, then." Phil whispered, opening his curtain with a sleepy smile on his face.
Dan crawled in, trying not to make too much noise while also trying not to hurt Phil in the cramped cubby. It didn't help that as Dan was fumbling to get next to him, Phil started to giggle.
"Shhh." Dan hissed, furrowing his brow.
Phil maneuvered around Dan's arms to cover his mouth as he tried to stifle his laughter.
Once the got settled, Dan turned and reached back to Phil, banging his hand against the top of the bunk, and wrapped Phil's arm around his middle.
"Now you shh." Phil whispered.
“Don’t tell me what to do.” Dan teased, and pulled Phil’s hand up to his lips and kissed it. “Night, babe.”
They both fell asleep, until at around 4 am Phil turned abruptly and pushed Dan out of the bunk to a loud thud, which woke Phil up. Dan’s bed was right across from Phil’s, so as the 3 crewmembers groggily opened their curtains to see Dan, his pants having slid down in the fall, ass out and groaning on the floor, they had no reason to suspect Dan and Phil were sleeping together. Not that they would’ve been surprised, or cared much. Everyone knew nothing sexy was happening in either bunk of theirs, with such little room.
Phil, too, stuck his head out of his bed to see the man who he’d last remembered kissing his hand goodnight, lying in pain on the floor. He was so self conscious about their arrangement and their crew that he didn’t say anything to Dan lying there. He was worried if he said a word they’d know immediately that he was hiding something.
“Are you okay?”
“Jesus that was loud, did you break anything?”
Dan looked up at his friends and coworkers and smiled while rubbing his shoulder and simultaneously trying to pull up his pants. He got the pants back on before replying,
“I think I’m good. Just feel like an idiot. Rolled right out of bed.” Dan said, his face red. He stood up and hobbled into his own bunk, feeling embarrassed and now he had to sleep alone. He felt like a teen again, getting caught doing things he shouldn’t and lying in bed after feeling sad and small.
As he lay there trying to fall back asleep, he felt his phone buzz.
“are you okay wtf?” Phil texted. Not being able to check on Dan right after he fell and verbally made him feel like an awful person, and he needed to know Dan was all right. As sore as Dan was, he felt fine now that he was staring at Phil’s message. It was a strange thing, he’d thought since he was 19, how Phil just existing in his universe could make him feel so much better. As if the universe knew he needed his hand held and it knew the perfect person. And he was. He’d accidentally shoved Dan out of his bunk and still, having spent a few hours lying there with Phil would be the best part of his night.
Dan texted back that the fall felt like being a “whale falling from space onto concrete” and heard Phil giggle again from his bunk. Dan smiled. There has never been anything like making Phil laugh, even if it caused him pain.
"did you hurt yourself" Phil texted back, a little worried through his laughter.
“yes but mainly shame” Dan replied, letting himself drift back into the darkness of that shame and the small feeling. It didn’t matter that he barely fit in his bunk, he felt like a child.
“rip” Phil texted back, and then a few minutes later after Dan didn’t respond, “you need me to kiss anything better?” He added the emoji where one eye is closed and the tongue is out.
Dan readjusted his body in his bunk a little, aware of the soreness radiating from his shoulder. He didn’t text back immediately, unsure how he felt. But after a few minutes, he decided.
“pls”
Dan heard rustling and light thumping from outside his bunk, and then saw a hand pull back his curtain just enough to see Dan’s face.
“Where’s it hurt?” Phil asked quietly, placing his hand on Dan’s chest, as he still lay on his bed.
Dan held his shoulder in response.
Phil leaned across Dan into the bunk and kissed Dan’s shoulder.
“So I’m not the only one who’s seen your ass now, huh?” Phil whispered, his face hovering over Dan’s.
“Shut up.” Dan replied, smirking despite himself.
Phil then bent lower, kissing Dan softly on the lips. Dan lifted his head up and gave Phil a reciprocal peck.
“Night, you mess.”
“Night, bed hog.”
“Love you”
“Love you too.”
And Phil carefully closed Dan’s curtain and went back to bed. Dan closed his eyes and held his phone against his chest. This was the kind of old 19 year old feeling he didn’t mind. The peace and comfort of being loved.