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“Check me out!”
Myko sprinted into his bedroom where Sacha and Liepa lounged. The two children had been waiting patiently as his mother cut his hair, both laying on the floor while they chatted about numerous things. What they had for dinner, their plans for tomorrow, dumb things their parents always said.
The kids stood as Myko rushed in, Myko spinning around to show them the full picture. His hair was much shorter than it was, neatly cut so his ears weren’t covered. An ‘oooh’ was heard from Liepa, though Sacha said nothing.
The boy couldn’t help but stare at Myko. He had always wondered what it was like to have short hair. Those long white strands of his weren’t always easy on his sensitive pale skin. Sacha often had to tie his hair back, especially when it happened to be sunny out. He thought of how the wind would hit his hair if it was short, of how he could so easily brush and run his fingers through it.
“What’s it like having short hair, Myko?”
“What? I don’t know. It’s just…there.”
“Is it easy to do things with?”
“I guess.”
“Have you ever cut it by yourself?”
“Once.”
A brief pause.
“Can you cut mine?”
Myko’s eyes flew open at the question, him whipping his head around to look at Liepa. When Sacha also looked to her, he saw she wore the exact same expression. The girl crossed her arms, a weight of hesitation in her voice. “I-I don’t know, Sacha…you know the adults would get really mad.”
“I’m sure it won’t be that big of a deal. I mean, it grows back.”
”Yeah, but…we just don’t want you getting in trouble.” Myko interjected.
Sacha thought on it for a moment, a sudden rush of rebellion surging through him. The boy huffed as he puffed out his chest, proclaiming “So what? I’ll do it anyway!” The voice crack erupting within the middle of his speech did little to add to this brave declaration.
A devilish grin filled young Myko’s face after hearing this. “Haha, nice! I’ll get the scissors!” As he shot up and ran into the other room, Liepa’s jaw dropped.
“I can’t believe you’re actually doing this!! Normally you’re so much smarter about things! This is a terrible idea!”
All Sacha gave was a mischievous smile before she continued.
“I know what this is about. It’s him, isn’t it?!” Liepa pointed to where Myko left as she stuck her nose up in the air with disdain. “You’ve been hanging out too much with Myko lately. He’s a horrible influence, you know!! I know you know I’m right!”
“Never said you weren’t.”
“Then why are you acting like an idiot?!”
“You worry too much, Liepa. Things will be fine.”
“Well, don’t come running to me when you get grounded for 10 years!”
“I’ll be sure not to.”
Liepa gave a frustrated groan at Sacha’s stubbornness. Shortly after, Myko ran back in with a pair of scissors in hand, snipping them with excitement as he sat himself behind Sacha. “This is going to be awesome! I’m not the best hair-cutter, though.”
“It’s okay.” Sacha replied.
As Myko began to cut, Sacha was surprised at the odd feeling of blade against hair. He was never entirely sure how it would feel, though if he had to guess, it wouldn’t be anything like this. He stared ahead as he felt the chopped strands fall down his back, a sudden lightness taking hold of his head and neck the further Myko went. Sacha hadn’t even realized how much his hair had weighed him down!
“Geez, Sacha, your hair is so long…” Myko muttered as he set the scissors down. “…I mean, was.”
Sacha stood, making his way over to the mirror that sat upon Myko’s desk. He moved one of the large candles that lit the room closer to him, trying to get the best view that he could. Behind him, he could hear Liepa unamusedly snort. “That looks nothing like what your hair looks like, Myko.”
It was cut in a very simple, straight line. Instead of the many layers that were seen in Myko’s hair, Sacha had more of a bob cut that went down a bit past his chin. Sacha tilted his head as he inspected it, his gaze transfixed in wonder.
“Well, when I cut mine, I just cut it in a straight line like that!! And then Sofija fixed it, so-!”
“Then why did you say you cut your hair once before? You obviously didn’t in the way Sacha was talking about, dimwit.”
“He just asked if I cut it!! Not if I cut it like this!”
“You knew what he was talking about, Mykolas!”
“Ew, don’t call me that!! You sound like my mom!”
“MykolasMykolasMykolasMykolas—”
“STOP!! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!”
As the two fought behind him, a smile filled Sacha’s face. This was a completely different Sacha, a Sacha he never thought he’d see. He adored the way this kind of hair looked on him. Why hadn’t he done this sooner?
“I love it. Thank you, Myko.”
The shouting behind him had stopped, Myko and Liepa suddenly coming into appearance next to Sacha’s reflection.
“…Las.”
The warm expression Myko wore dropped as he threw his hands up in the air. “Not YOU too!!”
“Hmmm, you know, it actually doesn’t look too bad on you, Sacha!” Liepa chirped. “It’s very stylish!”
”Thank you.”
“You do know that I’m just worried for you, right?” The girl moved over to take Sacha’s hands in hers, staring him down with an earnest look. “Everyone says your hair is holy. Would Vinushka be angry about this?”
Sacha pursed his lips in thought. “If he is, then I simply won’t do it again.” His hands squeezed Liepa’s as he gave his friend a nod and a smile of reassurance. “I’ll be okay. Thank you, Liepa.” Liepa smiled back, leaning over to give Sacha a long hug before the three children went outside.
It had to have been late. Many of the lights in the homes of the village were either dimmed or out completely. Sacha walked with his hands behind his back. Myko kicked at the snow. Liepa gazed up at the night sky. Once the three arrived at Sacha's home, Sacha waved goodbye to his friends before turning to sneak inside as quietly as he could.
Luckily, Sacha’s room was close to the front entrance. All he had to do was make sure the door didn’t make a peep. As he tip-toed into his room, he spotted the wooden crib across from his bed, walking over to peek inside.
It was little baby Matas! He was wide awake, staring at Sacha with those big blue eyes as he came over. Normally he was asleep at this time. It was almost as if Matas knew of his absence, as if he didn’t want to sleep until Sacha was home.
“What do we think, Matas?” Sacha whispered, moving his head from side to side to let his brother get a good look. Matas smiled at the sound of Sacha’s voice, a giggle coming from him as Sacha whipped his head around more and more until he looked like a dog shaking its fur. A tiny hand grasped his hair, pulling him closer. Sacha winced. “Ah–careful!”
After a minute or two of Matas playing with his brother’s new hair, Sacha slowly pulled away, patting the little one’s head. “It’s time to go to bed. You’ll be fine sleeping on your own, right?” It was true that even in his youth Sacha was distant to everyone in his life. It wasn’t anything personal, sometimes people are just born this way. Though Matas was always his exception.
Behind closed doors where Sacha felt no pressure to act a certain way or hold a certain standard was when what little affection he could muster would pour out of him for his brother. He knew he wasn’t supposed to, Matas was getting to the age where he had to learn to be more independent, but some nights Sacha would hold him in his arms while he slept. He would trace the features on Matas’ face, gaze at the same deep eyebags and small nose and thin lips his brother had. The only contrast was his dark brown hair and soft blue eyes. Sacha would stare at him, the only thought in his mind being You are just like me, but a little different!
Sacha headed over to his bed, taking off his long wool cape and leather boots before throwing himself onto his blanket and pillows. It was several minutes of tossing and turning, trying his best to find a good position to sleep in. His head against the pillow felt odd with his new hair. Sacha stared up at the ceiling, many different thoughts crossing through his mind. Maybe he made a mistake. What would his parents think? What would the village think?
What would Vinushka think?
Other than what he was taught, the history he was told and the spells he was supposed to learn, Sacha had never heard much from Vinushka on his own. He never understood this. Wasn’t he supposed to be the most connected to him out of everyone in the village? Destined for great things, so it seemed? If this was the case, why was it that when he prayed he never felt anything? That when he was supposed to lead his people towards a better future, he was given absolutely no clue as to what this ‘better future’ looked like?
If his relationship with Vinushka was already not the most intimate, would he be even angrier about what Sacha had done? Sacha was always told his body was holy, that even his mere physicality was a gift. Did Vinushka feel the same way?
When the other children in the village got injured or sick it was treated with an expected normalcy. When the same happened to Sacha it was the end of the world. A scolding on how he should be more careful, that should anything happen to him things would go terribly wrong. His blood was sacred, his hair was heavenly, what flowed in his veins was a connection to a deity that some people could only dream of.
Maybe Sacha just wanted to cut his hair like a normal boy.
He was scared.
The longer his eyes stayed open, the heavier they felt. Eventually they shut completely.
It was a bright morning when Sacha awoke. He hadn’t even realized he had fallen asleep. He rubbed his eyes as he stood to go see Matas, but when he walked over to the crib, it was empty. He must have woken up late.
Sleepily stumbling into the kitchen, Sacha glanced around for any sight of his family. There was breakfast on the table. Porridge! Yum!
The boy poured some for himself, sitting at the dining table as he swung his legs back and forth. He had almost forgotten about the previous night’s predicament–his breakfast was warm and soothed any of his leftover anxieties. It wasn’t until he heard footsteps that he had a stark reminder of what he had done.
It was his mother. As she entered the kitchen she hadn’t even seen him, her focus instead lying on the heap of clay plates she balanced in her arms. They were wet, she must have been washing them outside. As she set them down on the counter, Sacha’s eyes were blown open. He watched her like a hawk.
Sacha could feel his stomach drop further and further the longer she was in the room. He thought that maybe, if he just stayed still for long enough and made sure to hold his breath very well, his mother wouldn’t even notice him. She would walk out, wondering why he wasn’t awake yet. He would be safe for just a little while longer. This fantasy was immediately cut short.
“Sacha?” his mother called out, her back turned as she placed the plates back inside their cabinet. “Are you up yet? Breakfast is done!” A few more seconds passed before she called his name again. “Sacha??”
She finally turned. The second her eyes lay on her son she looked as if she had seen a ghost. The plate she held in her hand dropped and shattered across the floor.
“SACHA!!!”
His mother shrieked as she ran over to him, tightly gripping his chin as she forced him to look at her. She frantically scanned all across his head, her eyes wild.
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”
“I-I wanted to cut my hair and–”
“WHY?! WE HAVE TOLD YOU NEVER TO TOUCH IT! WE TOLD YOU THIS!!”
Sacha was completely frozen.
“I’m sorr–”
“GET UP!!”
He wasn’t given much of a choice. His mother yanked him off of the chair, clenching his arm as she dragged him outside.
“I can’t believe you!! We raised you to be WISER than this! Have you learned nothing all these years?!? You dare spit in the face of the god who has blessed you!?!”
“I didn’t mean it like that!! I swear!!” Sacha flinched at the feeling of freezing snow against his bare feet. He desperately tried to hold back the quivering in his voice, though it was to no avail.
He was thrown inside the wooden shed a few yards away from the house, Sacha stumbling over himself so badly that he fell and hit the floor. He quickly flipped around to look at his mother with wide eyes. She wore an expression that was unfamiliar to him. It was one of pure anger.
“You will stay here until we decide what to do about this.” she hissed, slamming the door and tying the handle shut. Sacha stared ahead in pure shock. The only thing he heard was footsteps walking off, and then, it was nothing.
This had never happened to him before.
Liepa was right. Cutting it was a bad idea. Sacha should’ve known something would happen, though something to this degree he wasn’t expecting. He had become too curious, and too much curiosity was bound to lead to disobedience. His mother was right to be angry, what he did was disrespectful. Sacha was always taught to be humble and to never commit blasphemy against Vinushka and his influence.
But, well, even though what he did wasn’t very humble, it had still felt nice. It was a refreshing change, one he always craved to know of for himself. Sacha knew he was special, he knew he always had to do things a certain way. He had to set an example. He had to reach perfection someday. However, no matter how hard he tried, he would always have some selfish earthly desires. It was just part of being human. He hadn’t yet gotten to the point in his life where he hated this part of himself. He just didn’t quite understand it.
The shed was cold. Sacha’s body against the floor was cold despite the ground being packed with straw. What would happen to him? He sat up, hugging his knees to his chest as he glanced up at the roof. Maybe if he prayed, Vinushka would know this was all a big mistake.
He closed his eyes and set his focus on both everything and nothing at once. He let his mind flood with the thoughts and energy of his god. His muscles relaxed, his breathing slowed. Beneath his breath he murmured “I’m sorry, Vinushka…”
Sacha waited for a minute or two, but was met with a still and empty silence.
“I-I’m sorry, Vinushka…I’m really sorry…” He said it a bit louder this time in hopes that he simply wasn’t heard. It was the same as always. Nothing happened.
Was he angry? Did he know? Had Sacha not done something right? His meditation still wasn’t the best.
The silence was deafening in its own way. The lack of any answer or signs gave no reassurance. In fact, it just made Sacha even more anxious. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears, his face growing hot. His eyes were wet. Wet?
What was this? Tears began streaming down Sacha’s face. The feeling was unfamiliar. Sacha couldn’t remember the last time he cried. The tears came quick and showed no signs of stopping as Sacha felt himself shake. His voice was caught in the back of his throat. All he heard were a few whimpers before he threw his head in his hands, sobbing relentlessly.
It was a few hours of this, of Sacha crying and then taking a break before crying even more. He cried so hard he felt himself grow sick, having to stop himself from gagging or keeling over to vomit. He didn’t know why he was weeping so hard, it was unlike him. It got to a certain point where it felt like he was crying just to cry, both confusion and fear filling his chest as no matter what he did it wouldn’t stop. It was like something had possessed him, a feeling deep within that he never turned to face.
The weight of captivity. It was beginning to crush him, and he had never even realized.
The late afternoon sun revealed its rays through the windows of the shed, Sacha wiping the drool off of his chin as he leaned against the wall in exhaustion. He could now hear the call of the birds sitting in the trees, the wind outside giving a soft howl. He could hear the rustling, the noise of…what was that?
Sacha saw the door begin to shake. Something was moving it back and forth. The boy squinted, standing up as he watched. When he turned his head, he jumped at the sight of a mop of curly brown hair and wide brown eyes peeking down at him through the window.
“Hey, Sacha! We’re busting you out.”
“How did she get the rope like this?...”
It was Myko and Liepa! Sacha blinked for a moment or two as he tried to process their arrival.
“What are you doing here?”
“We heard what happened. Actually, everyone heard what happened. We started looking for you after we did our work for the day.” Myko’s voice was muffled behind the panels of wood. The boy gave a huff as he glanced to the side. “Liepa, could you hurry it up??”
“I’m TRYING!”
“Just let me do it!!”
Myko hopped off of whatever object he was standing on, walking over to the door as Liepa said “You’re not going to be able to!” There was no response until a minute passed of Myko pulling at the rope with no results.
“..Oh.”
“By the gods, get out of the way!! Sacha’s been in here all day, he’s been waiting to get out!”
“DUH!! I know that! I’M the one who found out first!”
“Eimantas told us at the same time.”
“I found out before!”
“No you didn’t!! QUIT LYING!!”
Sacha panicked, running over to the door to hold it shut. “Stop!”
“Huh?”
“Just go! You’re not supposed to be here!!”
“But-”
“This is the punishment I deserve. I brought it upon myself. Please, just go. I don’t need out.”
There was a long pause before Liepa spoke up. “Are you sure, Sacha?”
“Yes.”
“...Okay. Talk to us when you get out.”
Two pairs of footsteps headed away, crunching against the snow until they faded off.
Sacha was still cold. He was tired and hungry. He was exhausted. Despite this, his nerves had lightened upon his friends checking in on him. Maybe he could rest now, since the tears were gone…
Sacha leaned back against the wall of the shed, sliding down until he could relax on the ground. He felt his vision fading, his eyes slowly closing. He couldn’t stay awake even if he wanted to. It was time to sleep now. His body already made the decision.
His eyes flew open, a moment of dizziness hitting him as he jolted up in his bed and gasped for breath. He put his hand over his heart, feeling the dampness of his chest soaking through his shirt. His awakening felt like a huge wave too large for him to handle. A sudden slap in the face mixed with the cold water smothering his lungs and shocking his body.
Though it wasn’t quite cold. In fact, it was very hot. Sacha pressed the back of his hand against his forehead, panting as he felt sweat all over him. God, he was drenched.
He couldn’t remember the last time he had that dream. The only time he could fully recollect that moment in his past was when this dream chose to revisit him, a stark reminder. He didn’t know why it always came back. The only thing he knew was that he wouldn’t be able to sleep for the rest of the night.
The man rose from his bed, standing as he tore his shirt off and flung it across the room. A bath right now would be great. The restlessness of his body mixed with the thick summer humidity didn’t feel too well. He squinted in the dark to feel around for a hair tie, pulling his hair back before running his hands down his face. A deep sigh left him.
Sacha always knew it was important. His hair. Though he had grown more skeptical in his adult years. Would a god really care that much if he chose what to do with his own body? He respected and revered Vinushka, but the idea felt a bit silly now that he was older. He would never take for granted the powers he was handed, the changes that were inflicted upon his appearance that were given as a sign. Though surely a deity so large had better things to be worrying about. The lack of punishment or retribution from him for what Sacha had done was enough evidence for Sacha to believe this.
He was an adult now. Wiser, and more confident in himself. He had reached that perfection that his younger self wanted so badly. That fear he felt as a child was now a distant emotion. All emotions were a bit distant, actually. He wondered what little Sacha would think if he saw himself now. Maybe it didn’t really matter.
Sacha stood in the middle of his room, stretching his arms in the air. The crickets outside chirped ever so melodically. He shut his eyes to the sound, soaking it in. He had nothing to worry about. No, he had bigger things in sight.
The man lit a candle as he set it on his desk, his gaze roaming over that familiar map of Europa. There was a circle drawn in ink several times around a specific part. Next to it was a word written very sloppily, almost as if it was rushed. “Prehevil.”
Sacha’s mouth curved into a small smile as his finger traced over the shape again and again. If he had received a vision for it, it surely must have been important. Maybe this was what he was destined to do.
In the end, Sacha had grown closer with Vinushka over time. His anxieties fizzled out and turned into understanding. He would have to leave his people behind for this journey, everyone including Matas and Myko and Liepa. But he wouldn’t go if he didn’t have full faith in the god he worshipped. If he didn’t have full faith in himself and his intuition. His fate had been decided. Whatever happened…so be it. He was ready.
The candle was blown out and the room fell into darkness.