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Language:
English
Collections:
GOetry - Good Omens Poetry Club Collection, GOems (Poetry by the GOAD Writers Guild), Good Omens After Dark Official
Stats:
Published:
2025-01-23
Words:
259
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
28
Kudos:
25
Bookmarks:
1
Hits:
173

A Most Peculiar Spa

,

Summary:

Aziraphale tells Crowley about the strangest spa experience he's ever had.

Notes:

Composed for the GOAD/GOetry Pillow Fight. Prompt: Bubble Bath

See End Notes for a short bonus rap!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

This is a most peculiar spa, my dear
Haughty therapists with attitude
mull over my treatment for quite some time
A lavish bath! I can scarcely contain myself

Haughty therapists with attitude
escort me to the exclusive spa tub
A lavish bath! I can scarcely contain myself
Fragrant waters from an exotic source

Escorted to the exclusive spa tub
I close my eyes and luxuriate
Fragrant waters from an exotic source
Bright, sparkling, and effervescent

I close my eyes and luxuriate
I hear your laughter waft through the air
Bright, sparkling, and effervescent
like the champagne you indulge me with

I hear your laughter waft through the air
echoes of mirthful talks, decadent treats
like the champagne you indulge me with
tart, floral, and crisp, tickling at my lips

Echoes of mirthful talks, decadent treats
thousands of bubbles burst all about
tart, floral, and crisp, tickling at my lips
Are you ticklish? Now there's a thought

Thousands of bubbles burst all about
My body tingles. Or is it your body?
Are you ticklish? Now there's a thought.
I wonder at the creature I'll discover.

My body tingles. Or is it your body?
Horrified curses and gasps fill the air.
They wonder at the creature they discover
A demon reveling in holy water

Horrified curses and gasps fill the air
It's smashingly good pandemonium
A demon revels in holy water
splashing it playfully at onlookers

It's smashingly good pandemonium
at this most peculiar spa, my dear
You splash holy water playfully
They'll mull over your treatment for quite some time

Notes:

OneDapperCat had this idea of Aziraphale thinking of the holy water bath in hell as a bubble bath, and suggested a pantoum. In a pantoum, the second and fourth lines of a quatrain become the first and third lines of the next quatrain. The form evokes the liminal feeling of a bubble bath being in between liquid and air forms and also the liminal feeling of the body swap.

Dapper also thought that a rap would be entertaining, so here is a short rap to the tune and rhythm of Fifty Cent's IN DA CLUB:

[Chorus]
You can find me in hell's tub
basin full of bub'
Yeah there was the Great Plan
but you got kinda smug
I'm not one of you below
I'm from up above
Give me a rubber duck
Michael, dude, you schmuck
[repeat]

[Verse]
Got this shop in Soho, they wanna join my book club
Know who can't stay away? That seller of rugs
Can't even get a drink at the neighborhood pub
Gotta have my demon hover like a mafia thug

Look we lost the Antichrist, it was a foul up
But then we stopped the world ending, that was a team up
Heaven and Hell kidnapped and tried to play us for suckers
But we got 'em back good, thank you Agnes Nutter