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When Vi held Powder in her arms for the first time, Mom asked her: "How does it feel to be a big sister?"
Maybe the answer was in how it felt to stroke her thumb down Powder's cheek, so careful as to not risk hurting her; maybe back somewhere in the moment she laid her head on Mom's growing stomach and heard that first kick and Mom said she was excited to meet her; maybe it was when she was watching Powder get smaller and blurrier as Marcus dragged her out of that alley.
Vi will never be able to answer. Instead, she's finding answers to a new question: How does it feel to not be one?
There had been times where Vi told her sister to just shut up already and go back to sleep, or rolled her eyes when Powder insisted on tagging along to one of her dates with some girl, or snapped any time Powder made it clear she had forgotten more of their parents. She'd stew in it for a while, and then Vander would tell her to suck it up because Powder looked up to her, and when they made up, Powder would hug her so hard that she couldn't breathe for a second.
So she flew off the handle sometimes-- but she always made it up to Powder. That's what sisters do.
(Laying on the floor of her cell, too familiar with the taste of her own blood; setting her dislocated shoulder, not even vocalizing at the jolt of pain; it's fine because it's not her body right now, beaten and bruised, small and blurry-- and if it was then she would deserve it. But one day, she'll make it up to Powder just like before.)
She'll never make it up to Powder now.
Despite their history, Caitlyn will listen to Vi's stories about her sister without interrupting-- and will comfort her (or try to) when Vi realizes she's forgotten exactly what Powder had said at the end that was so funny. Vi starts a journal for the first time in her life, obsessively writing every story she can remember until it hurts too much to hold the pen.
Because without her parents and Vander and even the man who killed him, there's nobody left to remember. If she forgets Powder's childhood, will it have ever even happened?
Who will remember Powder's first steps? Who will laugh about how Powder once filled Mouser with glitter and Vander spent weeks finding it everywhere? Who will remember Powder's favorite drink and also how she wouldn't drink it without the straw?
And there's so many more details already lost to time-- the years she spent with Silco brainwashing her. It would be an endless reminder about how she failed her younger sister when she swore to Vander- swore to Mom and Dad- that she'd always protect her, but Vi wished she could remember anyway, because who else would?
(Sevika? A laugh turns into a sob turns into a laugh again.)
And so she stares out the airship window at Piltover, getting smaller and blurrier on the horizon. Every experience she's ever had, vanishing from her sight. Caitlyn told her where they're going; she didn't hear. Every new memory risks replacing one of the old.
Powder always wanted to ride one of these airships. When she let Powder go, she didn't just kill her sister-- she killed who she could have been. Would she have pressed her face into the the window and left a mark? Would she have sketched all over the walls?
Would she have forgiven her?
Another hole that will never fully close; another day that she gets to live that Powder doesn't. Her birthday will come and Powder will still be 17. Vi will eventually be older than Mom was when she felt that kick in her stomach.
The airship feels too small and the world feels too large. She paces the halls to avoid being in her room (she opens the door sometimes when she's in it, just to prove she can); she avoids the window so she can't see the empty horizon. She clings to Caitlyn, insists she's fine, gets mad that Caitlyn insists she's not fine, storms out of the room and punches a wall, realizes that Caitlyn just wants to help and realizes again that she'll never make it up to Powder now.
A part of her thinks that if she broke into the captain's quarters and turned the airship around, Powder would be waiting for her at the port, giggling about how she fooled her and then she'd jump right onboard and pick up like nothing happened.
A part of her hopes they never go back at all.