Chapter Text
things have been weird lately. her relationship was over, her friendship with kitty was still on the rocks AND both of their exes were dating each other. (though it was less kitty's ex and more someone she tried dating, but who cares about the semantics, right?)
okay maybe not weird, maybe downright horrendous. either way, it was not looking good. not to mention she was broke and her family was being sued.
seriously, what a way to end the year - broke, friendless, and alone. what if she put that in her instagram bio, maybe then people would have something even better to talk about.
to top it off, not only is juliana hanging out with praveena, but it takes her a couple days to even hear about kitty leaving with minho on his summer tour and something in her breaks a little at that. a few months ago she would've been the first to know and yet now, it's like that information had been purposefully withheld from her.
she complains as much to q one time when they're hanging out and he shrugs, his red button up slightly slouching off his shoulder. the weather is perfect, with the clouds lazily drifting by and a clear blue sky. everyone is out enjoying themselves and yet here she is, feeling listless.
“i mean, can you blame her? i don’t think it’s been long enough for her to forget you dropping the friendship and treating her so harshly.”
yuri sighs despondently and leans on her arms, hating that he's right. for all his messy qualities, q had never been one to lie about things like this, “i know, i know. i could've done a lot of things differently. it still sucks though and now i'm all alone.”
“wow, what am i chopped liver?” q asks, jokingly offended and yuri swats at his arm.
it's a quiet evening, but it’s still bright outside, a fresh breeze drifting by every so often and making the cherry blossom trees move. kitty would've loved it, probably would've taken a hundred photos by now, especially when the sun would start setting. it should be weird how easily kitty comes to her mind, but they’re best friends (or were), so she tries to pay it no mind.
“come on, you know what i mean.” she thumps her head on the picnic table and looks up at him, “i just miss her, some things i can only talk about with her.” yuri rubs at her face in mild frustration, “hell, most of the time i didn't even have to tell her anything and she just somehow knew.”
q stares at her, eyebrows raised and she groans, “okay, i know how it sounds, but seriously i'm not into kitty.”
“she's not going to stay single forever you know, especially considering she went on the tour.”
yuri frowns at him, her stomach twisting into knots, “what does that mean?”
“it means either minho is going to snap her up or someone else, and then what are you gonna do?”
she throws him a glare and tries to ignore her unease at the thought. it's understandable, kitty is amazing and anyone would be lucky to have her, but minho doesn't like kitty and if she's on tour, how is she meant to settle with anybody. she deserves someone who will put her first in everything and treat her right, who won’t lie to her, who won’t shut her out and who will always remain by her side.
the thought is bitter, but it doesn’t matter - it’s not like she likes kitty, the kiss was just her losing her mind for a moment. a brief lapse in judgement that cost her, well, everything.
she waves it away, ignoring the lump in her throat, “minho doesn't want a relationship and besides, kitty will be doing so many new things she's not going to have time for one either.”
“you sound like you really believe that.”
“i do!” her reply is terse and quick until she looks at him, “unless you know something i don't?”
q shrugs, picking at his drink and looking away from her, “no, not at all.”
she leans in, sensing there's definitely something there especially with the avoidance, “spill q.”
he sighs, pausing as if trying to figure out how to phrase it, “well... she might have some feelings for someone else.”
yuri's heart drops at the words and even though she doesn't show it on her face, she can feel her hands starting to sweat.
she seriously doesn't like kitty at all. she's still not even over juliana so how can she? and yet the way her body is reacting tells a different story, so she pushes it down as much as possible. she’s always been good at keeping things close to her chest, even to herself.
“the letter didn't even happen too long ago…” yuri frowns, almost defensive, and q raises a brow at her.
“yeah i'm pretty sure having your heart broken makes you move on faster.”
yuri groans and thumps her head again, “i really messed up everything.”
q nods slowly and then pats her head, “look, if there's something that kitty has is a huge heart. she was practically on the way to forgiving you already before she left, so just give it some time.”
“it's not just her,” yuri mumbles, “all i've done this semester is hurt people.”
“that's not true and you know it.” q sighs and looks at her seriously, yuri's back straightening automatically, “we all make mistakes. it's normal and sure yours was pretty big, but it's not irreversible, it doesn't define you. trust me on that, okay?”
her heart warms at the words. q has always been the wisest out of them and it shows in the care he utters the words. she’s grateful that he had stayed, amongst everything that had happened. having someone by her side who knew all of the details helped from seeing it all from a third party perspective. alex was great, but he didn’t know them enough, at least not yet and dae… well it was still a bit too awkward to discuss with him, considering their history.
she knows that it could've been worse, that both juliana and kitty could've cut her off completely, or that she could've made a bigger fool of herself chasing after juliana who was apparently already talking with praveena.
that doesn’t change the fact that it still stings how juliana moved on so quickly, without yuri even having a chance to try and fight for their relationship. all the moments they shared just going down the drain. (another part understands completely, it’s hard to want to be with someone that had cheated, that type of trust being almost impossible to repair, but she had wanted to at least try)
“officially the worst year.”
“girl, you're telling me.” q replies and then she watches as his face lights up with a text from jin.
she purses her lips and sighs.
yeah, it's definitely just her with the shittiest luck lately, but she can’t be mad at q for trying his best to make her feel better.
her thoughts go back to kitty and minho. the same minho who has never been in a steady relationship excluding with stella that didn’t even end up lasting, though that was more from her being crazy than anything. she can’t quite see them becoming a thing, but the unfortunate truth is that they had been becoming closer. maybe yuri had just missed the signs of them becoming even closer, whilst she was trying to fix her own problems.
the fact that they'll be spending so much time together though and q's reaction makes her take out her phone and send kitty a text.
hey, how's the tour treating you?
she's not sure what she's trying to achieve with the message, but the fact that she only receives a reply the next day with a simple:
it's amazing, i'm really glad i went
well, it makes her want to scream.
and in all honesty? that’s another thing she doesn’t want to get into.
-x-
there’s soft music playing on her phone, a mix that she had made not too long ago as a way of release. it’s not super late, but yuri is already getting ready for bed when she hears a knock at the door. thinking it's her mum coming to check in on her she yells out a “come in.” and then continues brushing her hair.
her back is turned towards the door so she doesn't see who enters and when her mum doesn't say anything she speaks up instead, “everything okay?”
instead, what greets her is a pair of arms wrapping around her waist and she freezes at the action, throat suddenly drying up as someone very familiar leans into her and nuzzles her neck, “your mum let me in.”
kitty’s breath tickles yuri's neck as she tries and fails to suppress the urge to shiver.
“how…” yuri swallows and then turns around, forcing kitty to let go. the brush is on the bed forgotten as she looks at kitty, drinking in her face that she hasn't seen in a while. “how are you here?”
“i left the tour early.” kitty says and then sits down right beside her, their thighs touching and it burns, “i wanted, no, needed, to see you.”
yuri’s breath hitches at the statement and at how dark kitty’s eyes are, trailing a path down to her lips so visibly that yuri can’t even pretend she didn’t see it.
“kitty this-” her sentence is cut off as kitty leans in and whispers against her lips.
“tell me you don’t want this.”
there are absolutely no thoughts left in her head and though yuri knows for a fact that something is not right here, she is unable to say anything in reply.
that’s enough of an answer for kitty though as she finishes the remaining distance and their lips touch, the softness making yuri’s head spin. it’s just as good as it was the first time around, in fact, even better as she grasps at kitty’s neck and pulls her in, deepening the kiss.
her body feels hot and the last thing she hears is kitty letting out a little gasp before she wakes up with a gasp of her own, sweat running down her body.
she blinks like crazy, breaths coming fast as she tries to process what just happened. the room is empty, the moonlight streaming in through her window and yuri can’t help but feel the lack of kitty in it.
can’t help but feel unmoored as she comes to a realisation that she’s pretty sure she knew ages ago, but just pushed down very, very deep. too ashamed to face the facts of her reality at the time.
she likes kitty.
in the morning, when her mum asks why her eyes are so bloodshot, she’ll just say she had a nightmare and will have to pretend that she hadn’t spent the latter half of it sobbing into her pillow.