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“Todd, I-I have to talk to you.” They’re passing by each other in the hallway when Neil grabs his arm, voice hushed as he pulls him over to the side of the corridor.
Todd feels his eyes widen at the urgency of Neil’s movement, the strength of his grip tugging the blazer which hangs loosely around his bicep.
Neil’s cheeks are dusted in a foreign pink shade, and his eyes look intense–glowing with warmth and emotion. If it weren’t for the impending Latin class Todd was supposed to be well on his way to, he perhaps would have been more curious about whatever it was that Neil so desperately wanted to tell him right now. Equally, he doesn’t quite fancy a detention and stern talking to from Mr McAllister about the importance of time keeping.
“Neil I-” Todd glances nervously down the hall to where his classmates are all filing into the Latin classroom.
“No, Todd.” Neil dips his head, voice barely above a murmur, “I have to say this now otherwise I don’t think I’ll ever have the guts to tell you.”
Todd directs his gaze back to Neil’s tender eyes, mustering up as much courage as he can to look him dead on. He takes one last fleeting glance back towards the Latin class for good measure. “Okay. Please be quick.”
“Yeah, of course-”
It suddenly occurs to Todd that Neil seems strangely, flustered? Nervous? Completely out of character for the confident, focused demeanour which Todd is so used to idealizing. Instead, his gaze jumps around, barely brushing over Todd as he watches Neil’s eyebrows knit together ever so slightly–searching for the words he wants to say.
Todd finds his heartrate starting to slightly pick up at the suspense of it all.
“I love you, okay?” Neil starts so quickly that Todd almost misses what he says, “I know that’s a weird thing to say… but Todd- if you only knew the internal conflict I’ve been having within myself! I’ve been trying to figure out these feelings… or whatever they are… thinking about them, a-about you. But Todd… I really like you Todd.”
If there’s one thing that Todd’s sure about right in this moment, it’s the fact that he’s completely, 100% sure that it was nearing the freezing temperatures when he got dressed that morning. He distinctly remembers putting on his blazer for a reason .
But that’s strange, because he can feel his cheeks starting to flush, hot and red with a heat that feels too superficial and not at all natural. He feels like he’s burning up. Surely he’s not running a fever–his head feels fine and he doesn’t have that deep, bone-crunching ache in his limbs that he usually gets.
He instead knits together his brows in confusion.
“Todd? Hello, earth to Todd?” Neil’s voice suddenly sounds distant, soft and faint as if his ears have been stuffed full of cotton.
Neil waves his hand back and forth in front of Todd’s face trying to get his attention. Todd stares right through him–he’s too hyper focused on the fact that the corridor is steadily closing in on him, claustrophobia growing as the heat claws around his collar, threatening to tighten the grip.
Panic starts to swim it’s way into his vision and his mouth becomes dry. He rubs his hands desperately on his blazer, trying to rid his palms which are slick with sweat.
Call him a genius, because Todd all but attempts an unsteady step away from Neil, knees trembling under the effort as his head feels like it’s becoming increasingly lighter. And that’s not in a good way.
“Todd- Jesus… Todd?!” He must be swaying a lot more than he thinks he is, as Neil’s frantic voice sounds like it’s travelled through space by the time it reaches his ears.
When his knees do eventually give way, all Todd can think about is, God. This is so embarrassing , as the world slowly starts to tilt upside down and the walls of Welton finally close in on him.
“So you’re telling me he just hit the ground like a sack of potatoes… and you didn’t think to catch him?”
“Of course I thought to catch him, Charlie. I-It just all happened so quickly, I was caught off guard!”
“Lay off him, Dalton. He wasn’t expecting it.”
The first thing Todd’s woken up to is a rather overexaggerated huff from Charlie, originating over somewhere in the corner of the room. He can imagine it’s probably paired with crossed arms and a stroppy scowl on his face too.
Steadily, he cracks open his eyelids, letting his eyes adjust to the soft, mellow light casting throughout the room. It casts a light which Todd instantly recognises from Neil’s God of the cave lamp. He’d insisted on keeping it in their room, even if Todd thought it looked a little spooky.
He soon realises that he’s lying down, placed carefully on top of his bedsheets. Feebly, he moves his hand up to rub at his eyes, instead brushing against the sleeve of someone’s clothing.
“Look, he’s awake!” Todd hears Charlie’s voice coming from the corner again, followed by a rustling over to his right.
Reluctantly, Todd opens his eyes the rest of the way, slightly unnerved parade of boys crowded into his and Neil’s room.
Charlie stands in the corner, arms still crossed just like Todd predicted, but his face significantly less scowled. Meeks and Pitts both sit opposite him on Neil’s bed, and Knox casually leans against the windowsill. Cameron stands somewhere just outside of Todd’s peripheral vision.
Neil however, is sitting carefully next to his head, perched on the end of Todd’s bed. Todd watches as his expression morphs–a tender, warm look of relief spreading across his face as his lips curve upwards and dimples deepen in his cheeks. The successive flush of warmth which spreads through Todd’s heart isn’t too different to the flush he’d felt in the corridor earlier.
“Hey, Todd! How are you feeling?”
“I-I’m okay,” he stutters in reply, still slightly shocked with all the bodies present in their room.
“Good, that’s good.” Neil smiles, “do you remember what happened?”
Todd shakes his head gently.
“Neil let you knock the brains out of your head,” Charlie mutters, earning a pointed look across the room from Meeks, “Jeez, just saying.” He fake surrenders.
Almost oblivious to the others in the room, Neil barely even breaks eye contact with Todd, his wide doe eyes never leaving his face. It lights a little fire inside of Todd’s heart–one that feels like they’re the only ones in the room.
“You fainted. I tried to catch you, but honestly it all happened so quickly… I think you hit your head pretty hard on the floor.”
Either the timing is impeccable, or Todd just hadn’t noticed the persistent thump thump thump that pulsates through the back of his head, sending a throb radiating through his skull. It feels a bit like someone’s hitting the inside of his skull with a hammer, but he isn’t about to tell Neil that.
“It’s okay,” he whispers instead, “was I late to Latin?”
“No, of course you weren’t late to Latin. I carried you here.” Neil explains. Todd feels heat creeping its way into his face at the thought of Neil carrying him through the Welton halls bridal-style. “I told McAllister that you’d fallen ill and couldn’t make it. He’s too lazy to go and fact-check with Matron.”
Todd hums in acknowledgement, brushing his hair back from where is clings to his forehead. He feels oddly lethargic, a strange sense of relief washing over him despite the marginally concerning factor that he’d fainted. And he hasn’t fainted since he was about thirteen.
Despite his best efforts, Todd can feel his eyes slipping closed further and further by the second. He can hear people start to shuffle, moving away from the bed and towards where the door is before slipping out of the room. His suspicions are finally confirmed when the door clicks softly shut behind them.
A few moments pass before a shy hand snakes it’s way into Todd’s hair, tender and methodical as it moves back and forth, stroking the soft hair of his fringe out of his face.
He allows an eye to slip back open again, the muscles in his body relaxing slightly when he relaises it’s only the two of them in the room, “Neil?”
“Yeah?”
“I think I remember what happened. You grabbed me in the corridor… and you wanted to tell me something.” Todd watches as Neil’s face falls blank before his eyes shift away from Todd’s face, the comfort from his hand starting to retract from the top of his hair.
“Yeah, I- …do you remember what I said?”
Todd furrows his eyebrows together, he’s sure he can remember–it’s in there somewhere–on the tip of his tongue.
A hushed silence falls between them as Todd scowls at the ceiling. He racks his brains for memories only from an hour or two ago, desperately trying to remember what Neil Perry so desperately wanted to tell him.
Suddenly, it clicks. “You said you loved me.” Todd half-whispers into the silence. He doesn’t need Neil to tell him that he’s correct, he can hear it by the hitch in the back of his throat.
“I-I did, yeah,” Neil sends a timid grin in his direction, clearly seeking some form of validation that makes Todd’s heart lurch at the thought. The thought that Neil doesn’t already feel how Todd’s heart ricochets out of his chest at the mere thought of his roommate.
Todd has to fight all the elements battling inside his chest to hold his gaze steady with Neil’s.
If there’s one thing that Todd’s learnt from his experience at Welton so far, it’s that words speak louder to him than anything else. It just frustrates him to hell and beyond that he can never seem to get them right.
But this time, he’s determined not to let his stupid, inarticulate, awkward ass get in the way of him and Neil.
Fuck it, he’s Walt fucking Wittman. He can bite the bullet all he wants.
He watches as Neil’s eye’s widen, glistening in the soft lamp light as Todd leans in towards him, trailing his hand around to the back of Neil’s neck. He looks godly… and so, so proud.
The kiss between them is nothing short of sweet and tender. It’s shy and curious but better than anything Todd could have ever imagined–or wanted. The taste of Neil Perry on his lips, gentle hands touching his jaw like his face is made of nothing but pure gold.
God, Neil Perry makes him feel like pure gold.
The door bursts open at that precise moment, Todd and Neil jumping right out of their skins as five boys come flooding back into the room, their faces a curt mixture of amusement and pride:
“Finally! War is over!”