Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first thing Evan noticed was the sound of music. It played softly from a stereo. He opened his eyes and glanced around. He found himself resting on a bed, atop the blankets. He was fully dressed save for shoes. It was as if he had taken a nap. And yet…

Something felt wrong.

Evan sat up, glancing around the room. The radio that was the source of the music sat on a nightstand. He turned it off. What the hell was going on? He tried to think back on what he had been doing. Hadn’t he…been on a plane?

He remembered hitting the ice. How…cold he had felt. He had been so sure he was going to die.

Was he dead?

Evan got up, reaching for the door handle to the room. He stepped out into…a house. Just a normal house. He made his way through the house, pausing when he saw an elderly woman sitting on a couch. Her hair was faded to a bright white, she looked very tired.

“Excuse me, Ma’am?” Evan walked over to her.

The woman looked up and smiled at him, “Hi honey.”

Evan blinked, why did she look so familiar? Her eyes, there was something about them that—

“Mom?”

She nodded, “It’s me.”

Evan sat next to her, wrapping his arms around her. She felt so frail under his touch. What had happened?

“Mom, I—”

Evan glanced over at the television she had been watching. The set was so…thin. The screen was huge. Whatever broadcast she was watching looked amazing, so clear. Where were the dials? Antennas? This was hardly a television, more like a sheet of glass.

“Evan, darling,” Heidi took his hands in hers. “You’ve been asleep. For a very long time. And the plane crash…when you froze in the ice everything froze. Your mind and body.”

“Wh…how long?”

“Over fifty years.”

Even felt tense, “What?”

Heidi teared up, “I’ve spent so long looking for you. I never thought I would get all of you back but…”

Evan pulled his mother back in, rubbing her back while she quietly cried.

“So you’re…” Evan felt scared to even ask.

“I look pretty good for my nineties,” Heidi chuckled. “I’ll help you catch up to speed with things, the world is very different now.”

“I’ll say!” Evan pointed to the television. “Look at this! No dials!”

Heidi chuckled, “Yes, tvs are much nicer now. I can imagine you’re hungry, would you care for lunch?”

Evan nodded, following his mother into the kitchen. He helped her cook, making sure she didn’t have to do much in terms of reaching. His mother…she wasn’t young anymore. Over ninety. He very well could have ended up never seeing her again. Hell, he had practically blinked and suddenly it was the twenty-first century!

“What was it like, when you guys made it to 2000?” Evan asked, marveling at how Heidi’s stove worked. It was so efficient.

Heidi shrugged, “People celebrated like normal, and then tons of people lost money to a computer scam.”

“Really?”

“Computers are different than you remember, much more compact,” Heidi pointed to a flat device on her counter. “That’s my laptop, try opening it.”

Evan walked over, lifting up the laptop to open it. Another thin screen. Evan examined the keys, his eyes widening. How had they made it so small?

“Oh my god, you’re adorable,” Heidi chuckled while walking over to pat his cheek. “Look at you. I know I said I look good for my nineties, but Evan you look fantastic for what? Seventies?”

Oh gosh he was so old. Evan closed the laptop again and stared out over the kitchen. How had so much time passed? It felt like yesterday he had been a dumb kid trying to just survive. Then he got drafted and…

Evan spotted a mirror down the hall. He walked over to it, inspecting himself. He still looked like the tool they had made him. Had they made more like him in his absence? Had they figured out the formula?

“Hey Mom,” Evan walked back into the kitchen and stood beside his mother. “Do you know of them…trying to recreate the super soldier project?”

Heidi’s eyes turned serious as she looked at him, “They did try. A lot. But what was done to you…they never figured it out. I managed to break in and destroy the last of the blood samples they had of yours a few years after you went down. They won’t get a chance with modern technology.”

Evan let out a sigh. It was good to know. Part of him detested what had happened to him. It was good to know they would never recreate him.

Evan drifted his eyes to a shelf, finding Heidi had adorned it with photos. Evan walked over, examining the images.

It almost hurt to see the photos. Him and Jared on their first mission together. They hadn’t known things would end up so bad. Evan moved on to a different image, one of Evan and Heidi together right before he had been sent off. Had that really been him? So…scrawny. They both were. They had been broke, only really profiting because of how special Evan had become. Hush money. Now? Heidi had an actual house, no longer an apartment that had a landlord who hated him.

He hoped that meant she was better off.

“What’s this?” Evan picked up another frame. It wasn’t a photo. A drawing of him in the old uniform.

“Oh, the government did what they do best, made you profitable,” Heidi sighed. “Your name was never disclosed, but they made cartoons and movies and comics,” she pointed to the frame Evan had in hand. “I collected the comics over the years, even if they didn’t depict you it felt like a way to keep you with me. Most are in storage somewhere, but I framed the first one.”

Evan blinked, staring at the drawing. “People…they like me?”

“They like the idea of you, Captain is still a common Halloween costume idea.”

Heidi pointed to a cabinet, Evan putting the frame back to go over to it. He grabbed plates and let his mother dish up lunch. It was so weird, to look at her and see someone so different. But it was still her, underneath everything. All the years lost, but Evan stayed the same.

“The war, did we—”

“I’m glad you never had to experience what it was like to come home from that,” Heidi shook her head. “It was bad Evan.”

Evan hung his head, following his mother to the table. Lunch was quiet, Evan lost in his own thoughts. How had he survived in the ice? For over fifty years? That was crazy. It must have been the experiment, he didn’t want to believe he would have survived without it.

Heidi taught him the history he had missed, the major events he should know. He had missed so much. Computers and the internet were a bit confusing at first, but Evan adapted to change quickly. His brain had been altered to be a fast learner. He felt that he could learn to thrive in this new world in front of him.

✩

Evan rocked on his heels, standing at the front desk beside his mother. She had insisted that he do something with his time instead of just hiding away in her house with her. Evan had a new identity. At least kind of. Evan Hansen, age 21 was his new life. Evan Hansen, born 1948, was dead as far as the world was concerned. Heidi had somehow managed to make his new identity so…accomplished. Not as much as his old self, but still quite impressive for someone his age.

Or rather, his physical age.

“Heidi! So good to see you darling,” A couple approached his mother, greeting her with hugs. They looked important, Evan liked the woman’s suit. Fashion changes were…sometimes a bit jarring. But it was nice to see women able to wear pants more often in the workplace, with less expectation for skirts. His mother had always detested them.

“Larry, Cynthia,” Heidi addressed both of them. “Thank you for agreeing to meet with me. This is my…great nephew. Evan.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you sir,” Evan held out his hand for Larry to shake. “And you as well ma’am,” he moved on to Cynthia.

They both beamed at him, Cynthia leading the group to an elevator. Their office building was beautiful, a view with peeks of the ocean coast. Evan missed Brooklyn, but Malibu wasn’t a bad trade. Heidi and Evan were seated in chairs in an office, the couple across from them.

“I had no idea you had a sibling, Heidi,” Cynthia chuckled.

“My…ex husband’s side of the family,” Heidi clarified her lie she had crafted. “Evan was distant for a long time, but we’ve grown close over these past few years. I wanted to talk about Connor.”

The couple suddenly didn’t seem to be able to hold eye contact.

“Darling, your last letter had me worried about him.”

“Connor…he doesn’t speak to us,” Larry stated. “He just emails us his patents and blueprints and that’s it.”

“I think Connor should have someone looking out for him,” Heidi stated. “Just to make sure he’s safe. Evan would be a safe choice. Connor always seemed to have a soft spot for me, I think Evan being my family would make it easier on him.”

Cynthia looked to her husband, “We were discussing a bodyguard…”

Larry looked to Evan, “Connor…I’m not sure how much you know of him. He’s…difficult.”

“I can handle difficult,” Evan assured.

“Evan was a military captain,” Heidi explained, earning her son some strange looks from the couple. “He was sent home after he was diagnosed with…a heart condition.”

“You’re so young,” Cynthia said the quiet part out loud.

Evan shrugged, “I was good.”

“Our son…he won’t take to this well,” Larry sighed, glancing over at Evan. “He doesn’t…we have no idea what he does in his spare time. We haven’t physically seen him in over a year. He keeps secrets.”

“I won’t ask him to share them,” Evan stated. “But keeping someone safe, I can do that with my eyes closed.”

“Heidi—”

“I would only ask that Evan have Saturdays off to come visit me, at the very least for brunch.” Heidi patted his shoulder. “I adore this boy, I trust him to protect Connor. Or at least make sure he has some form of human contact.”

The couple turned to each other, speaking in hushed tones amongst themselves. Evan offered his mother a smile, unsure of what all she was planning for him.

“Well, Evan, I only have one question,” Larry looked back to him with a smirk. “Do you like baseball? We have a company game every year.”

Evan loved the Dodgers growing up. And since they had switched locations he had always been a bit bummed out about losing his home team to California. Now he was on the right side of the country to be at the home games again.

“Dodgers all the way, I pack a pretty nice pitch myself,” Evan grinned.

“My kind of man,” Larry beamed. “Give us a few days to get paperwork put together, but start packing. Connor might be a pit sour, but he’s typically respectful to employees.”

Evan again shook hands with the couple, his mother getting hugs. They stepped out to the parking lot together, Evan opening the car door for his mother before sliding in. She had been helping him relearn how to drive, laws had changed since he had been iced.

“What is Connor like?” Evan asked.

Heidi smiled softly, “In his younger years…he reminded me of you. The young blind optimism. You were so bright. He was too.”

“What before I got drafted and experimented on and transformed into a monster?”

Heidi patted his arm, “Connor and you both…you were quiet. High school. I don’t know what happened to you but…I saw it.”

Evan remembered. For him it wasn’t terribly long ago. The nights alone. Jared and him had hardly been on speaking terms after…

“Connor and you are very alike, it might not be obvious but…” Heidi trailed off, staring out at the road. “You’re two pages in the same book.”

✩

“Connor, Ms. Hansen is at the gate.”

Connor sat up, stretching out his stiff neck and shoulders. Aunt Heidi was visiting? He didn’t remember scheduling that.

“Your parents are here as well.”

Oh hell no. Connor stumbled to his feet, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He saw dark eye bags and messy hair. Clothes he had been in for upwards of three days. Shit. He was a mess.

“Security test, I need a few minutes,” Connor grumbled, tugging off the grease and sweat stained hoodie he had been wearing. Now prominent ribs were showing, his torso bare. Connor turned away from his reflection, meandering his way to the sink. Even now he could taste alcohol on his own tongue. Overdone it once again, Murphy.

“You should motivate, lazy ass.”

Connor rolled his eyes, turning on the workshop sink and splashing water on his face. “Fuck you, Zoe.”

“Fuck you.”

Connor rinsed his mouth with water before shutting off the sink. He left the workshop, walking up the stairs while running his fingers through his hair. He got the worst of the tangles out before tying his hair back with a binder from his wrist. He made it into his bedroom, detouring to the bathroom. He haphazardly brushed his teeth while reapplying deodorant, kicking off his jeans while he stood there. He didn’t want Aunt Heidi to know how shit he was at taking care of himself.

“Zoe, start the coffee maker in the kitchen,” Connor requested, digging for clean clothes in his dresser.

His pale and freckled flesh was covered with an old graphic tee and a fresh hoodie. Jeans that weren’t stained with grease and paint alike were pulled on, and Connor even remembered to pull on his boots before heading back to the kitchen. He poured a mug of coffee for himself before walking to the front door. Stepping out of a fancy car was his parents. Oh joy. And right behind them, Aunt Heidi. An actual guest.

“Hello darling,” Cynthia ran into him, forcing a hug he didn’t want. “My, your hair is getting so long.” Connor nearly spilled his coffee on her, thankfully not burning his own mother. Larry approached, greeting him with a silent head nod. Good talk Pops.

“Oh there’s my favorite evil genius!”

Connor couldn’t help but smile, actually giving Aunt Heidi a proper side hug. “Hi, you old bitch.”

Connor looked behind Aunt Heidi, finding a very attractive young man behind her. Who the hell was that? Zoe hadn’t alerted him of anyone else.

“Uh,” Connor didn’t bother masking his confusion. Aunt Heidi jumped, the frail old lady moving fast to get the stranger in front of Connor.

“Connor, this is my…nephew Evan,” Heidi introduced them. “Evan, this is Connor Murphy.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Sir,” Evan held out a hand. It was more of an effort than Larry made. Connor shook the hand, waving the group inside. Aunt Heidi never mentioned a nephew in the past, surely Connor and him would have interacted as kids.

Connor watched his mother examine his home. She didn’t come to visit. They never spoke. Connor hadn’t seen her in…

Had he even gone to family Christmas last year? Last…few years?

“C’mon Connor, what’s a starving man have to do around here to get a cup of coffee?” Larry clapped his shoulder like they joked around casually all the time. Like they spoke at all.

“Kitchen, mugs are above the machine,” Connor was blunt, the group migrating into his kitchen now. He kept an eye on the stranger. He looked like a fucking Boy Scout. The neatly kept hair, his polo tucked into khakis.

Connor couldn’t decide if he looked straight or like the start of a gay porno.

“Looks like you threw a party last night,” Heidi chuckled, placing an empty wine bottle that had been on the floor into the sink. Connor could feel his parents giving him looks from the moment something was said.

“You know it,” Connor was monotone. “Real rager, Aunt Heidi.”

He didn’t even remember opening the wine. He remembered laying on the floor while drinking it. Before getting up to work. Wine usually brought out the tears and Connor didn’t like to drink it because of that.

“Connor, we recently hired Evan on as a bodyguard, he came with an excellent reference,” Cynthia changed the subject away from what she thought was his recklessness. “He will be your bodyguard.”

Connor raised his brows, “Excuse me?”

Larry took a drink of his coffee before speaking, “Connor, when was the last time we saw you?”

He turned away from his father, “Y’know you could try calling—”

“It’s not all on us to communicate,” Larry stated.

“I never fucking said it was,” Connor spat. “I don’t need a fucking babysitter.”

“Bodyguard,” Cynthia corrected him, taking his coffee mug away. “Darling this isn’t okay.”

“What?”

“You! Drinking and throwing parties and sleeping around!” Cynthia cried out. “You’re better than that! We raised you better than that!”

“Way to air out your baggage to the fucking stranger!” Connor snapped. “This is why I don’t talk to you!”

“I’m your mother!”

“Fuck you!”

Connor pushed his mother out of the way, only stopping when he saw Aunt Heidi sitting next to her nephew.

“Sorry,” Connor whispered, looking at the old lady. His eyes drifted to Evan. “I don’t want you here.”

Connor continued his descent into the workshop, motioning with one hand for the door to lock behind him. He didn’t want anyone following.

“You’re shit at holding a conversation.”

“Fuck off, Zoe!” Connor kicked his abandoned hoodie from earlier, watching the fabric fly through the air and travel fast enough to disturb Zoe’s projection. Her image flickered before returning to her usual annoyed idle animation.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Connor grumbled, falling into his desk chair.

“You programmed me this way.”

Connor flipped off the projection. Why had he given her a physical form? Had the projections really been necessary?

It was bad enough he had programmed his dead sister as a computer. Now it looked like her.

Connor let himself get lost in his work, finalizing a design to send in for his parents. They wanted a new line of weapons by the end of the month, and despite being a disgrace in most regards he did always manage to keep his deadlines.

“Don’t forget you have to review your scholarship finalists.”

Shit, already? Connor blinked away from the numbers involved in the explosives, motioning with his hand for his screen to switch over. He didn’t read all the entries, but he did always choose the recipient. All anonymous. He didn’t need people knowing he was an artist in his free time. It was another tick against him on his checklist.

He had a handful of scholarships out there. He had a fortune, he didn’t want to hoard it all for himself. The scholarships for the science fields he didn’t bother reviewing as much, he just felt that MIT had way too high of a tuition and wanted to help out. But the art ones? There was just something about the bravery of being an art major in modern society that Connor admired.

The last essay was beautiful. A young individual wanting to pursue poetry. Connor penned a response, stating who he wanted to receive the money. He hoped the kid succeeded.

“You should eat something,” Zoe said, her hologram making her look like she was sitting on a table. “Captain Hansen appears to have made soup.”

“Captain? He’s still here?”

“That is his official title. He signed a work contract, he is required to be here, dumbass.”

Connor pointed a finger at the hologram, “I will rewrite your code!”

“You made me this way for a reason,” Zoe walked over to him. She stuck out an arm and the hologram went into his stomach. She wasn’t real. “I do feel that it would be better for you to have a different assistant. Perhaps the abandoned Jarvis or Squip software?”

“No!” Connor looked into the projection’s eyes. She looked just like her. He kept the holograms limited to where only he would see for a reason. “I made you for a reason, Zoe.”

“Whatever, bitch.”

Her malice was clearly forced. Something Connor made her do. Connor stormed out of the workshop, making his way into the kitchen. It was nearly dark, Captain Polo Shirt serving up bowls of soup.

“I’m assuming you’re hungry?” Evan held out a bowl for Connor to take. “I made my mother’s recipe. I was told you’re a vegetarian so I kept out the chicken.”

Connor glanced at his bowl, “Who told you that? It’s not something I publicize.”

Evan looked up at the ceiling, “Uh…ceiling lady? I was talking out loud to myself and she responded. It’s real neat how you’ve got a ceiling voice.”

“Oh…” Connor couldn’t help but be confused. Why did he talk like that? Ceiling lady? He couldn’t put AI together? “Introduce yourself, bitch.”

“Hello Captain Hansen,” Zoe spoke up from the ceiling. “I am Zealous Overclock Encryption. Or Zoe for short. I’m an artificial intelligence created by Connor. If you are in need of anything please feel free to simply speak.”

Connor nearly laughed, watching how wide Evan’s eyes went. It was kind of adorable. He was more surprised that Evan didn’t protest to Zoe’s name. His parents hadn’t taken it well the first time they met Zoe.

“That’s incredible,” Evan whispered. He looked at Connor. “Your folks told me you’re smart, but that’s amazing. Ceiling lady is like something out of a science fiction novel.”

Evan spoke weirdly. Was he the only one to notice it? Connor sat with his bowl of soup, “Where are you from?”

“Brooklyn born and raised,” Evan stated, an accent he hadn’t quite been able to pin down making itself known as he said it. “How about you?”

Seriously? Everyone in the world knew he had grown up in Malibu. If being sent abroad every year for school counted as growing up somewhere. What was with this guy? Connor just rolled his eyes, “Check my wiki page.” Evan stared blankly. Holy fuck, Aunt Heidi, who the hell raised this kid? “Wikipedia? The…the website?”

“Oh, internet stuff,” Evan finally understood. “Sorry, I grew up without an internet connection. We were practically a no technology household, couldn’t afford it.”

This college aged dumbass didn’t know what Wikipedia was. He was oblivious to the outside world. He must have been home schooled. How had he gained his military ranking without knowing what Wikipedia was? Maybe he didn’t know anything about Connor? That explained his lack of a reaction to Zoe.

“And your family was excited for you to work for my family?” Connor was confused as hell. “A company that has a focus in technology?”

Evan shrugged, “As far as I’m concerned my m…Heidi is my only family.” Evan looked to the floor, “She…yeah.”

Connor hummed, “Yeah? Aunt Heidi rocks. One of my favorite humans.”

“Considering you seem to enjoy your uh, artificial intelligence so much? It makes sense.”

Connor scraped the side of his bowl, polishing off his food. He hadn’t…had a home cooked meal in a long time. He didn’t really eat. He just got distracted easily. He ordered from local diners when he remembered. This was…nice.

“I’m going back to work,” Connor shot finger guns at Evan as he dropped his bowl in the sink. “Bye!”

Evan waved, letting Connor escape down the stairs to the workshop. He tucked himself into his work, returning to his deadlines. He wouldn’t let himself slip. He didn’t want to be anymore of a failure.

“Zoe, tell me about Captain Hansen.”

“Captain Evan Hansen is 21 years old. Born in Brooklyn, New York, he served as an army captain until he was diagnosed with a heart condition and sent home with an early discharge.”

Connor made a face, pivoting to look at the projection that was sitting on a neighboring table.

“That’s it?”

“That’s all I can find, dumbass.” Zoe rolled her eyes.

Connor furrowed his brow, “Any friends? Social media? Nothing?”

“No. No photos of him are available when I search his face.”

Connor looked down at his lap, "Not even Facebook?"

"No."

He hadn’t been kidding, no internet.

“You have a message from Miguel.”

Connor reached for his phone, scanning the text. The only person besides Heidi who wasn’t muted on his phone. Well, he unmuted Alana when he knew she would be reaching out. But that wasn’t often. Miguel was in the area. He wanted to come over.

Despite what the media thought of him, it had been a while since he had bothered bringing a guest over. Miguel was…

They had known each other since Connor was in college. Miguel had been touring MIT Connor’s senior year. Something about him just…pulled Connor in. Miguel wasn’t the reason Connor knew he was gay, but he had solidified the idea in his brain.

They had an unspoken situation in place. If they were ever in the same area, both without a partner, and they wanted something casual…reach out. Miguel was more…open. He had expressed in the past that even with a committed boyfriend Connor was still always able to contact him…but Connor never did. And Connor never had a boyfriend, so Miguel was free.

They weren’t dating. They just…cared about each other.

Connor sent him a message in return, confirming he was open to having him over. He would have to figure out how to sneak Miguel past Captain Polo but…for the sake of his own privacy he would do it. He sent another text, asking Miguel to come in through the workshop door when he arrived.

“Knock knock?”

Connor jumped, finding Miguel was already peeking his head in the door. What the fuck?!

“Were you just waiting outside the gate?!”

Miguel chuckled, stepping inside. He had what looked like an ice cream container in his hand. “Didn’t want to disturb you without asking first, so I waited for a response before pulling in,” Miguel smirked, gliding over and pulling up a chair. He glanced at Zoe’s projection. “Thanks for the quiet entry Zoe Two.”

“Have a nice night Agent Rivera.” Zoe turned off her projections and vanished from sight. To make it less obvious that someone was always listening.

“So, Principito, how does coffee ice cream sound?” Miguel asked, holding up his container.

Connor snatched the container from him, “Like you’re looking to please me?”

Miguel pressed a kiss to his forehead, “Always. Why did I have to come in the side door? Are we renovating casa de riqueza?"

Connor leaned back in his chair, “My oh so loving parents hired me a goddamn bodyguard. The dude doesn’t even have Facebook, I don’t trust him to keep my sexuality a secret.”

Miguel wrinkled his nose, “Want me to use my super secret spy skills and dig up dirt?”

“Zoe found nothing I doubt you will.”

Miguel went digging for spoons, “You’re still breaking into my work servers?”

“Get better firewalls?”

Miguel handed him a spoon, “You’re going to get in trouble one day.”

Connor rolled his eyes, “Not if you don’t rat me out.”

They sat at the table together and shared the ice cream. It was a smaller container, and Miguel always chose the best flavors.

“I’m going to be out of the country for a while,” Miguel stated, the two of them cleaning up.

Connor cocked his head to the side, “Secret?” Miguel nodded. “Can you tell me how long?” A shake of the head. “Dangerous?” A shrug. That meant it was. “So this is a goodbye hookup?”

Miguel pivoted, wrapping his arms around Connor’s waist, “It’s a…making sure you get some form of affection before I’m gone for an extended period of time hookup.”

“That’s a mouthful. I like mine more.”

“Fuck off, Murphy.”

“You’re supposed to say fuck me.”

“That’s your line.”

Connor snuck Miguel to his room. He would be alone when he woke up in the morning. But Miguel actually cared enough to stay as long as he could. To make sure Connor was okay.

His parents had hired off that responsibility. Miguel didn’t view it that way. He showed up because he wanted to be there.

He wasn’t in love with Miguel. But he did love him. He always would.

✩

Evan rounded the bend, the mansion gate coming into view. He enjoyed going for runs in the morning. Connor hardly ever left the house, so he didn’t have to worry about abandoning his job. Today had been a late start, Evan hadn’t slept well. Night terrors tended to take a lot out of him.

Jared falling. Evan unable to reach him. To save him. It played in his mind more frequently than he would have liked. He missed his best friend.

Evan winded down as he made it to the front door, walking inside. He was almost shocked to see Connor awake considering it was still fairly early in the morning. Evan rarely saw the other man before the afternoon, and he was usually crabby. Even from across the room Evan could smell a hint of alcohol on him. The guy didn’t have enough meat on his bones to be drinking as much as he did. Connor had been slouching on the couch with his coffee mug, his eyes tracking over to Evan and growing wide as saucers. Evan watched the other man practically inhale his coffee, coughing and sputtering into his elbow.

“Are you okay?” Evan strode over and placed the coffee mug down on a coaster before assessing his client.

Connor waved him off as he continued to hack up a lung. “I’m fine.”

He sounded like he was in pain. Evan took a step back to give him space and watched him catch his breath.

“Did you need anything?” Evan kept his voice calm. Connor, while usually polite, did have an edge to him. Evan wouldn’t want to make him mad.

“No,” Connor muttered, snatching his mug. “Just…no.”

Connor got up and started towards the stairs leading to the basement. Evan hadn’t ventured down there yet, knowing that was where Connor worked.

“Did you want me to make breakfast?” Evan offered, unsure of what exactly the right thing to say was at the moment.

Connor pivoted and pinched the bridge of his nose, “I want you to never wear those shorts again. For my sanity.”

Evan glanced down at his legs, not sure what Connor’s issue with his shorts was. He wasn’t one to judge, but Connor had never been seen without a stained hoodie. Part of him was convinced the other man didn’t actually have arms. Just hands that floated. Evan at least kept his clothes clean.

“Okay, I’ll change,” Evan didn’t want to argue. He hated arguing. “Did you want an omelet?”

Connor closed his eyes, “Sure. Whatever.” He went down a few steps before pausing again. “Zoe, kitchen coffee maker.”

“You could try saying please, asshole.”

“Fuck you!” Connor continued his journey down the stairs. Evan sighed, making his way into his new bedroom to change. He was almost convinced his bedroom was bigger than the entire apartment he had grown up in. The bed was massive. Soft. Comfortable.

In a way it almost made things too good. Sleeping somewhere so nice was practically off putting. Evan was used to beds that fought back to be slept on. In the war he had slept wherever needed, the ground included. His power had gained him some special treatment at times, no one had wanted to risk ruining their one and only perfect super soldier, but when it came to the important stuff Evan was just another body in a fight.

Evan tucked in his shirt before doing up his belt, “Zoe?”

“Hello Captain Hansen.”

“Why…was there something I did to upset Connor?”

“No. Connor is a bitch.”

He didn’t like that the computer lady was so mean to Connor.

“Can you…please don’t insult Connor in front of me.”

“Okay. Connor has expressed to me that you dress in a fashion that has grown out of style. Perhaps it is something he simply finds strange. Connor has never been good at confronting things. And he is still not a kind individual in general.”

Evan glanced in the mirror. He…he did dress like someone his own age. The problem being that Evan was in his seventies. Evan didn’t dress like the modern young adult.

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try out a more modern look. It wasn’t 1969 anymore. He wasn’t a soldier anymore. He didn’t have to conform to a uniform. He could let loose.

He didn’t have the energy to dress like Connor. Being so…disgruntled…was not something that appealed to Evan. He had watched some television in his spare time, he could try and figure something out.

“Oh. Thank you.” Evan took the idea to heart. He would discuss it with his mother when he came to visit her next. “Would you happen to know if there are any important events going on this week?”

“Cynthia and Larry are hosting a party to welcome investors to the company. Connor was invited, he has been every year for his entire adult life, but he never attends.”

A party? That sounded fun.

“Was my m—was Heidi invited?”

“Ms. Hansen is one of the longest standing investors. Of course.”

“When is the party?”

“Tonight. It starts at seven o’clock.”

Evan hummed, walking out into the kitchen to begin making breakfast. Maybe he could convince Connor to go. If what Cynthia and Larry had implied was true their son should love these events. It was a bit odd that Connor hadn’t thrown any parties of his own since Evan had moved in.

Evan had done some research into meat substitutes so he could better cook for Connor. While Evan wasn’t all that fond of what he had tried so far, he wanted to be able to make sure the other man was eating. So Evan ignored his own distaste and added in the plant based bacon to Connor’s omelet. Evan didn’t eat bacon, but he had tried the fake stuff and hadn’t liked it.

He plated the other man’s food before starting his own, Evan finding himself content as he cooked. He had always liked cooking with his mom growing up. She had worked a lot, and it was time they had been allowed to spend together. Jared had been with when they tried making cookies for the first time and they had misread the recipe. It had resulted in cookie tasting soup that nearly burned down the apartment.

“…Is that bacon?” Connor wrinkled his nose at the sight of his plate. Evan hadn’t even heard him approach.

“It’s plant based.”

Connor hummed, taking a seat at the table, “Oh. Nice.” Connor picked up his fork before cocking his head to the side. “When did you learn about meat substitutes if you don’t even know what Wikipedia is?”

Evan sat across from him, “I’m a fast learner, and you have Zoe. Any questions I ask are able to be answered.”

Connor hummed, beginning to eat quietly. A large piece of hair had fallen from the loose bun he had put it in, blocking a section of Connor’s face from Evan’s view. He didn’t seem to mind his hair falling.

“I was informed your parents are hosting a party tonight, are you going?” Evan tried to keep the conversation rolling.

Connor scoffed, “And let my parents use me? No. I’m willing to work with them, but those bastards can forget about me being any kind of show boy for them. I don’t…public events are avoided for a reason. Those urchins they invite suck what little life I have right out of me.”

“My m…my aunt will be there.”

“My adoration for Heidi only stretches so far.”

Evan poked at his plate, watching Connor get up to pour himself a mug of coffee. He was trying to do something that wasn’t his place. Connor and his relationship with his parents was none of Evan’s business.

But Evan had missed over fifty years of life with his mom. He was having to face the fact that in his own mind he had only lost Jared a few months ago. And now his mom was old. He could lose her.

Evan didn’t want Connor to lose his parents, and they clearly didn’t want to lose him.

“Y’know I’ve never been to a fancy party before,” Evan was going to try guilt tripping the other man. “I was too poor to afford anything nice. My mom worked two jobs and I didn’t even have a proper bar mitzvah because we couldn’t have a party.”

“I’m sure my parents are paying you a good salary. You can have your own party someday.”

He wouldn’t deny that he was being paid well. Even with how much money had changed since the ice, Evan was doing really well. He didn’t deserve it, but maybe this was his good karma for being experimented on.

“Would it be alright if I went without you?” Evan offered up a different tactic. “Heidi is my only family, I’d like to maximize our happy memories together. We were…distant. For a long time. She’s the most important person in my life.”

“Fuck, please go,” Connor rubbed at his eyes. “Just…fucking shut up for five minutes.”

Evan would take it as a win. He just hoped that him being out of the house didn’t mean Connor would do something that wasn’t safe.

Connor vanished after breakfast, walking down the stairs and out of sight. Evan hadn’t bothered ever going down there and he doubted that he ever would. Connor’s workspace wasn’t his business.

He made his way into the home gym once he was done cleaning up after himself. He never saw Connor in the room, he wasn’t sure if it ever got use outside of him. He wouldn’t complain, having a private space to workout was nice. Evan started loading up a bench press with weight before beginning his reps.

He had never been all that active growing up. Evan had actually been a fairly sick kid. He had always been plagued with illnesses. He was impressed by how much the world had advanced with healthcare since he had grown up. He still remembered getting his polio vaccination as a kid, he had lost some classmates to the illness. And now clinics were completely different.

Come the afternoon Evan made his way out of the house, taking his motorcycle to his mother’s house. He had learned to drive one while on a mission in Europe. His had been a gift from Heidi once she felt he was ready to drive alone.

She was excited to see him, pulling him down into a hug. He gently hugged her back, offering to help around the house before they got ready. She was so frail now, he was scared to hurt her.

“Nonsense, you’re my child,” Heidi wrinkled her nose. “I have a housekeeper who stops in once a week, you don’t need to clean anything.”

Evan glanced around the living room, “This is a lot of space for you.”

“I earned this house,” Heidi crossed her arms over her chest. “I played things smart when you went missing. The government paid a lot of money to keep me quiet—I lost you for over fifty years—I deserve this house. This house and trusting in Larry and Cynthia’s vision. They’re smart, believing in them was one of the best decisions I ever made.”

“I just…maybe something smaller would be better,” Evan shrugged.

Heidi reached up to pat his cheek, “I’m a tough old lady, I can handle the stairs. I think you left some of your things in your room, did you want to go grab them?”

Evan didn’t remember leaving anything behind. He wasn’t exactly the forgetful type, and he didn’t have much in terms of material belongings. Evan jogged up the stairs and into the bedroom he had stayed in. Sitting at the foot of the bed was his shield. Oh.

Evan reached for the metal, finding the paint looked fresh. He flipped the disc around, chuckling as he found his old uniform folded up beneath the shield. A carrying bag included. Evan packed things away and went back downstairs. Evan held up the helmet, finding it less clunky than he remembered.

“I had it upgraded, you’ll be much safer now if you ever were to wear it again,” Heidi explained. “Or if you want you can properly put this piece of you to rest. You’re not their project anymore. It’s your decision.”

Evan packed away his helmet, “Well, I’ll at least hold on to it. I don’t think America needs me, but if they ever do I’ll have the means to help.”

Heidi merely smiled at him, clasping her hands. “I had a feeling you would say that.”

It was fun, getting dressed up. Fashion had changed, but Evan trusted his mother to know more than him. He dressed up in a dark blue suit, matching his mother and her dress. Her hair was pinned up, she looked so happy. Evan gave her a small spin, Heidi sniffing as she blinked back tears.

“I’ll never see you get married,” Heidi’s voice grew weak. “And you don’t have to. But…” she reached for his hands and squeezed. “I was robbed of seeing you mature. I’m so glad I found you, I just wish we had more time.”

“I love you, Mom.”

She pulled him into a hug, shaking as she held in her tears. He wished she could let it all out. Waking up in a new century…he would be lying if he said he wasn’t a bit angry. He hadn’t asked for this.

He hadn’t asked for any of it. He had been drafted.

They took a moment to breathe before Evan brought them out to Heidi’s car. The ride to the party was smooth, Evan holding on to his mother’s arm as they walked into the gala.

It was everything he had ever dreamed of a fancy party being. Heidi was treated as a royal. People greeted her warmly, honored to be in her presence.

Evan still remembered her being called…horrible things. Just because his father had left.

Evan and Heidi both held champagne flutes in their hands as they walked around and talked to other guests. Heidi kept up their facade, introducing Evan as a distant nephew. The only potential clue to their true relations was their last name and eyes. Evan had never been more happy to have found one trait to keep them connected despite the time with her that he had lost.

“Oh, Evan!” Cynthia was pleased to see him. “Connor let you have a night with family?”

“I need him to experience this with me, darling,” Heidi hummed, beaming up at Evan.

“And Connor…he gave no notion of throwing a party of his own?” Larry stepped next to his wife and passed her a flute.

“He’s much quieter than I expected, at least given what you’ve told me about him,” Evan said. “I tried getting him to come with me tonight, he didn’t seem interested.

“Probably just sad that someone would show him up in appearance,” Cynthia hummed. “You look sharp, Evan.”

“Have you met Ms. Beck yet?” Larry waved over a young woman. She had long braids and round glasses framing her face. Evan held out a hand for her to shake.

“You must be the impressive Evan I’ve been hearing about,” Ms. Beck beamed at him. “I’m Alana. I work with Mrs. Murphy mostly.”

“She’s the glue holding our company together,” Cynthia hummed, grinning at the young woman. “I’d be lost without her.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Evan returned her smile. Alana seemed young. Around his physical age.

A song began to play and Larry pulled his wife out to the dance floor. Evan wished Alana well before dragging his mother out to dance. She laughed, letting him lead her around the room. He had learned to dance from colleagues while traveling. Other soldiers that were just trying to find some joy in their time at war. Any short trip home to see family included Evan showing off what he knew.

“Do you want to spin?” Evan asked.

“You’ll break my hip, hell no,” Heidi chuckled, allowing them to continue their dance.

When the song ended Evan escorted his mother to a table so she could sit down. She appeared appreciative, fetching a water glass as a server floated by. Evan sat by her, not wanting to leave her alone. Not when he was her guest.

“Alana is a sweet girl, you should go dance with her,” Heidi nudged him with her foot. “I’m not going anywhere. And just because I said you don’t have to get married doesn’t mean you’re allowed to not form relationships.”

“She’s my coworker, that would be weird.”

“You said that about that nice girl you met in your infantry unit,” Heidi teased him. “She was a field nurse.”

Evan remembered her. Sabrina. She had clearly been fond of Evan, but he…

There had been no time for romance when he had been given his missions.

“She just wasn’t the one for me,” Evan shrugged. “And I doubt anyone would find me all that charming now. Apparently Connor thinks I dress weirdly.”

“You look like an old man in your clothes, but you can wear whatever you want,” Heidi said. “I’ll help you get some things if you want to change up your appearance. Now go ask that girl to dance, she’s just standing there.”

Evan sighed, standing from his seat and making his way over to Alana. She smiled, offering a small wave as he approached. Evan held out his hand.

“Would you care to dance?”

Her smile turned to a beam, “Oh! Yes!”

They danced around the room, Evan sensing his mother smiling as she took in his actions. Dancing with someone didn’t have to mean anything. Alana seemed nice from what little he knew of her. It would be nice to see a familiar face every once and a while.

He brought her to the bar as their dance ended as he wanted to return to his mother. He was halfway there when he noticed a hush that had fallen over the crowd inside. What the hell was everyone staring at?

Evan craned his neck and figured it out. Connor had decided to join after all. His hair that usually sat tied back was framing his face. The waves had been tamed down into straight locks. His suit gave him the appearance of muscle mass he simply didn’t have. Rings adorned each of his fingers.

It would simply be a disservice if he said that the other man wasn’t attractive.

“Wow,” Heidi was joining in on the staring. “He’s never attended. I think this is his first appearance at a work function since…”

Heidi trailed off before Evan could gain full context. He watched as Cynthia and Larry approached their son, the three of them walking over to the bar area. Slowly eyes began to drift back to different subjects, Connor losing his onlookers. Evan couldn’t help but notice that the young man had chosen a whiskey while everyone else had their champagne.

Connor didn’t socialize with anyone. Evan kept tabs on him, it was his job. The young man chose to lean against the bar and down glass after glass of whiskey. Evan couldn’t get drunk, but he couldn’t help but wrinkle his nose. The idea of drinking that much felt a bit concerning. And yet Connor was acting as if he was completely sober.

Cynthia and Larry stepped up to the small stage where the musicians for the night were playing. Larry held a microphone in his hand.

“Good evening everyone, thank you for joining us,” Larry greeted the gala hall as a whole. “We wanted to give a special welcome to our newest investors tonight.”

Larry passed off the microphone to his wife. Cynthia wore a bright grin that refused to waver. “As many of you may know, our company ran a short advertisement campaign when we opened the New York branch. We thought it might be fun to finally show some bloopers from the recording of that commercial. In more recent years it has been a strong source of memories for our family.”

The microphone was placed on a stand and the couple vacated the stage. Evan stood next to his mother and watched as the lights in the room dimmed. A projector showed a paused video, revealing a younger Larry and Cynthia beaming into the camera. Larry must have gone gray since the video had been taken, as his past self had hair to match Connor’s. The cooler toned brown. The video was resumed, a chipper background tune beginning to play.

“Murphy Industries is growing,” past Larry stated. In the video Cynthia sneezed. “Oh, bless you dear.”

The room broke out into chuckles and the video cut to a different angle.

“Our company is looking for great minds to…” past Cynthia trailed off and her eyes grew wide. “…I completely spaced out. What was my line?”

Evan couldn’t help but join in on the laughter. Heidi was grinning at the footage. Again the angle changed, now just showing Larry standing in what looked like an older version of the office Evan had met the couple in.

“With the newly established Murphy Tower we hope to—” Larry’s line was cut off as two young children ran into frame. A boy and a girl. Both had the same color hair as Larry.

“Dad! Connor won’t share his robot!” The girl grabbed Larry’s hand and tugged on it.

“Build your own!” The boy had his arms crossed over his chest.

Evan leaned over to whisper to his mother, “Who are those kids?”

Heidi didn’t look away from the video, “The twins.”

“Twins?”

“Zoe, we got you the same kit,” Larry spoke to the girl. “You just need to build it.”

“But that’s hard!”

“No it’s not!” The boy stated. “You’re just stup—”

“Connor!” Larry shot the young boy a warning glance.

“Yeah, the twins. Connor and Zoe.” Heidi placed a hand over her heart. “I remember when you were that small.”

Reality came crashing into him like Evan had taken that plane into the ice. Connor…had a sister. And he named his ceiling lady after her. He must admire her if he was that dedicated to his project. He couldn’t help but ponder why no one had mentioned a twin before now.

“You’re a geek!” Zoe teased, pointing at her brother.

“There’s a bug on your head,” Connor pointed to his own scalp. There was no bug.

Zoe screamed and looked off camera. “Mama get it off!” She ran out of frame, still crying out for her mother. “Get it off!”

Connor snickered and scurried out of frame himself, leaving Larry leaning against his desk.

“Maybe we should try this again later,” Larry sighed.

The video ended and the lights came back on. Evan glanced around, finding Connor had his back turned. He hadn’t even watched the video.

“Where is Zoe? How come I’ve never met her?” Evan asked, checking back in with his mother.

Heidi paused and her eyes shifted over to Evan. She had been about to take a sip of her drink, but she chose to set it down. She took Evan’s hands in hers. “Evan, Zoe died almost four years ago. You won’t be meeting her.”

Of all things, he hadn’t expected that. Evan didn’t know what to say. It…it made things more confusing if anything. Why did Connor have ceiling lady share a name with her? Why wouldn’t Connor want to be close to his family if he had already lost his sister? It just…nothing made sense.

He kept his eyes on Connor. He watched the other man stick to quiet parts of the room, his face not showing any true emotion. Connor caught him staring and his face turned sour. He didn’t…of course not. Connor had made it clear from the start that he hadn’t ever wanted Evan around. Being involved in family endeavors was going to be included in that distaste.

Evan brought his mother home, changing out of his suit and grabbing his uniform before heading back to the mansion. He walked in to find the house was dark. The only light source came from the bottom of the stairs. Evan took a breath to keep himself calm before starting towards the stairs. He felt the need to say something.

At the bottom of the stairs sat a small hallway. Sparsely furnished, heavy duty stone tile lined the floors. A row of windows all had shades pulled, blocking Evan from seeing inside the only room the hall brought him to. A heavy metal door sat between Evan and all the things he wanted to say. He turned the handle, opening the door to loud music filling his ears.

The room was the perfect definition of organized chaos. Several metal tables and workbenches were spread across the expansive workshop. Cluttering each one were different tools and parts and unfinished projects. And yet a comfy couch sat in a corner, soft blankets and pillows adorning the fabric. There was a line of counters, a sink built into the space. Shelves lined the left wall, awards and certificates and pieces of art spread across them. The ceiling was vaulted and made the room feel much bigger, if not for the lack of windows Evan could be convinced that he wasn’t in a basement. It looked like there was a door leading out to the side of the house, likely where the terrain sloped down.

Connor sat at the lone proper desk, a bottle of dark liquor and a single glass accompanying him. Evan stepped into the room and the music paused, catching his client’s attention.

“Zoe, what the—”

“Captain Hansen has entered.”

Connor pivoted in his chair, his eyes glazed over as he glared at Evan. Evan walked closer, his eyes widening as Connor stumbled to his feet.

“You aren’t welcome in here, get out!” Connor barked at him.

“Connor, I—”

“What?!”

Connor tried shoving him, but Evan didn’t budge. He held Connor still by his shoulders.

“I didn’t know you had a sister. I’m sorry for your loss.”

Connor sneered, “I don’t want your pity. She’s gone, it’s not my problem.”

Evan sighed, struggling to meet Connor’s eye. He had always struggled with eye contact, and while the experiments had helped with a lot of his general social interactions, this had always been a difficult one. To meet someone eye to eye.

“Were you close?”

“No, actually. Get out.”

“My best friend and I were in the same infantry overseas—”

Connor pointed, “Out. I don’t want to hear it.”

“We were on a mission, it was supposed to be easy—”

“Cap!”

Evan gave up, starting towards the door. Connor grumbled to himself, refilling his glass. Evan shut the door and he heard a lock click behind him. He wouldn’t be going back in there any time soon, he was sure of it.

Evan drifted up to his room, the old uniform hidden away in his bag on the floor. There had been a time when he had dreamed of burning the uniform. Now loss was on his mind.

That uniform was the only thing left connecting him to Jared. He wouldn’t be able to let it go.

Evan pulled out his cellphone. A useful device, sure, but Evan didn’t ever think of it. Another modern miracle that he had seen awe in and moved on from.

“Zoe?”

“Good evening, Captain.”

He looked up to the ceiling, “What can you tell me about…the real Zoe?”

Chapter Text

Connor woke to his head pounding. His eyes felt crusty. Nausea made things blurry. And yet his stomach was already cramping because he hadn’t eaten recently.

“Wow, you’re actually up before noon?”

“Go fuck yourself,” Connor grunted, forcing himself up off of the couch. He took a step and his stomach turned. He bit back the nausea and limped to his desk. He found the pain relievers in a drawer, downing them with a swig of previously abandoned coffee. It was cold and gross, but it was caffeine.

He made his way up the stairs and into his bedroom, stripping off his clothes as he shuffled into the bathroom. Dark spots filled his vision, Connor not having the energy to stand as scalding water rained down on him from the shower. He didn’t torture himself, he sat as he did his best to wash away his mistakes.

“Is Captain Hansen awake?” Connor asked, massaging his own scalp as he washed his hair. He couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes.

“He left an hour ago and his phone location confirms he is out with Ms. Hansen. It is their scheduled brunch today.”

Right. How had Aunt Heidi managed to find a nephew out of nowhere? It still seemed a bit odd that Connor hadn’t ever met Evan before.

Connor managed to get himself up, pulling on jeans and a tighter fit long sleeved shirt. The California summer sun was only a threat to those outside. Connor didn’t go out there all that much.

He stumbled into the kitchen, finding a cold plate of eggs and toast waiting for him. It was kind of nice, having someone provide. Any other morning he either would have gone hungry or ordered something. But there was something about food being prepared at home.

Connor slipped back into the workshop, dropping into his desk chair. He turned off Zoe’s projections before rolling over to the cabinets. He pulled out a canvas and dropped it on the tile. Hangover meant not thinking about explosives or dimensions for a projectile. It meant getting art on paper. Or…well it was a canvas in this situation but the point still stood.

It pissed him off sometimes. How frequently she occupied his mind. Most of it was his own fault. Zoe was always with him thanks to his own brain, switching gears on his virtual assistant soon after her death. But even in the most mundane ways…she wouldn’t leave him.

His art was a big part of it. Even now. Connor stared at his canvas, finding in his landscape there was a night sky. The stars. Such a basic shape, a simple thing. But he knew that they were drawn for her.

Connor packed up his paint, setting the canvas on top of the counter to dry. His head wasn’t throbbing anymore, maybe now he could actually work.

“Anything exciting going on in the world?” Connor asked, turning the projections back on.

Zoe’s hologram sat on a workbench, “News outlets are still obsessing over your appearance at the gala the other week. Your parents sent a thank you email regarding your recent patents. Your payment has been processed.”

“Anything I actually care about?”

“Reports are coming in of an explosion in Greece. It appears to be more local, but the reports I found show the chemical makeup matches a line of weapons you designed. Palladium is a more unique signature.”

Connor didn’t know they had any contracts with Greece. He pulled up his parents' servers, scrolling through the last few months of sales reports. It didn’t show any history.

“Have we ever worked with Greece?”

“Not since you were in high school.”

“So what? Closer to a decade ago? They shouldn’t have a weapon I made.”

“We don’t know if the weapon—”

“Shut the fuck up,” Connor raised his middle finger to the projection. The more precise locations showed that the explosion had been rural. No nearby towns. No military bases.

It was suspicious.

“Call M.”

Connor’s screen popped up with a visual to confirm that he was on the line. Connor tapped his foot against the tile as the call rang in waiting.

“It’s Miguel, if it’s important leave a message!”

Connor swore under his breath. Of course he didn’t answer. He was probably off the grid.

“M. It’s Connor.” He didn’t know how to leave a message. He never called. Not Miguel, not his parents, no one. “Something weird came up. Call me.” He almost hit the button to end the call but hesitated. “Seriously. Even if you aren’t back yet, if you get this call me. Bye.”

He ended the call and went back to searching the servers. He wanted to check inventory. He didn’t usually keep close tabs on it, he didn’t give a shit about the business part of his job. He just made the bombs, he didn’t detonate them. Didn’t sell them.

“Where the fuck are the inventory numbers?”

“You don’t have access to that server.”

“Break into it then.”

“Why don’t you just ask your parents for the numbers like a normal person?”

“Fuck you, that’s why!”

His screen shifted to the numbers. Connor scrolled through, not finding anything amiss. All inventory was accounted for. Maybe it was just a weird coincidence.

He could always check in at the factory.

Connor wrinkled his nose. Was he seriously considering that? He avoided the company property like the plague. Fuck it, why not.

Connor got up and snatched his keys. He could visit the factory. He could be brave for an hour or two.

He made his way out to the garage, a small frown forming when he spied the spot Captain Hansen typically parked his motorcycle. The guy was polite enough. He had a weird vibe about him. Despite being younger than Connor he always seemed a bit…mature. He had to assume it was the military background.

Connor drummed his fingers against the steering wheel as he drove. Anxiety pooled in his stomach the closer he got to his destination. As a kid it had been fun to go and visit when he was home from school. He used to pretend to be the owner, him and Zoe playing a game together. Back when they still got along. Connor still remembered coming up with impossible inventions while pretending to be his father and brainstorming. As a kid he didn’t realize what weapons actually did, he had only known that his dad made the best ones.

If there was ever a day that Connor would be able to change the company from weapons to bassinets he would be more than happy. Alas, world peace was never going to happen.

Connor kept his head lowered as he walked around the property. If no one noticed him he could save himself the headache of his parents finding out he had visited.

“Connor?”

Fuck. That hadn’t taken long. He turned and nodded his head at Alana. She had a tablet in her hands and her heels clicked on the floor as she approached.

“What brings you here?” Alana seemed a bit confused. “Did you have a meeting scheduled with your parents?”

How pathetic was he that she assumed he would schedule a visit with his parents. He had seen them more in the past month than he had in several years.

“No. Just…I wanted to check in and see how things were doing. Y’know…inventory and all that.”

“I could send you a copy of our intake reports if you’d like?”

That wouldn’t help him, “Uh, actually…could I see the original paper invoices? Do we even have those?”

Alana wrinkled her nose, “I mean…yes. But they usually just have the numbers processed and then they’re stored away. Come with me.”

Connor followed her back into the office. They went into the basement and down a hallway. A few employees caught sight of him and sent him a mixed bag of reactions. Whatever he did would never be right.

“The paper copies only go back two years, but these are the originals,” Alana brought him into an office and patted a filing cabinet. “Did you need anything else?”

Connor hesitated. He didn’t usually talk to Alana. She had been hired on before she had even graduated, and since Connor had been content with just designing for the company, she had actually learned about running it with Zoe. Part of him was convinced that his parents wanted him to get with her. At least they had at first.

“No, but thanks,” Connor opened the top drawer of the cabinet.

“You’ve got my email if you think of something,” Alana shook her tablet. She walked out, but pivoted back around before vanishing down the hall.

“It was really nice to see you at that party, Connor,” she kept her voice soft. A different tone than her serious and confident voice she usually carried around. “I hope…I hope you consider attending more events.”

With that she skittered down the hall. Connor sighed, flipping through inventory reports. He took photos of each paper he found interest in, his brain beginning to wander. He…didn’t like the public. He still wasn’t quite sure why he had gone to that party. All he had done was prove the rumor mill right, that he was a borderline alcoholic.

How long was he going to keep denying that he just was an alcoholic at this point?

Connor had copies of about six months worth of physical intake reports. He stored all the files back where they belonged and began to make his exit. This wasn’t exactly how he had planned things, but this wasn’t exactly bad. He had what he had been searching for after all.

He went back into his workshop once he was home. A safe space for him to hide and examine his findings. Zoe’s projection waved at him as he entered.

“Can you compare the numbers from the photos I took to what the reports on the server say?”

“Can you say ‘please?’ Or does that word not fit your stupidly advanced vocabulary?”

“Go fuck yourself,” Connor muttered, dropping down in his desk chair. He spun in circles as he waited for the numbers to be double checked. Zoe would give him the verbal approval.

Instead she pulled up a list of mismatching items. Consistently every other month a substantial amount of inventory was missing on the digital reports. That…was reason to be concerned.

Connor paced his workshop. What could he even do about this? He didn’t know anything about what was going on. He couldn’t risk telling his parents on the off chance it was them behind the incorrect numbers.

Connor looked up at one of his shelves, one of his failed projects staring back at him. The arc reactor. It had been…an attempt at clean energy. It hadn’t exactly gone well. Next to it Connor had a small stack of old Captain comics. Aunt Heidi had actually met the man when she had been younger. She had a photo of their meeting up on a shelf at her house, her past self beaming with an arm wrapped around the hero. Although she said he never took off his helmet. Connor had been a bit of a fanboy growing up. Hell, he still was. The ideals that Captain instilled in Connor when he had been young were still a part of him. To do good even when in the face of everything bad.

What if he…

Connor sprinted up his room and went digging through his nightstand. At the bottom sat a very old sketchbook. Larry had intended for it to just be a notebook, but Connor’s secret art appreciation had been formed in this book. Age six had been a big year after all.

Near the back of the book were crude and colorful designs for a potential flight device. His child brain had dreamed of independent flight. A suit one could wear and race to the stars. No plane required.

If he was wearing an armor no one would know it was him investigating things. His real name would be secret, just like Captain.

Connor brought the book back downstairs with him and slid to his desk.

“Pull up the old arc reactor blueprints,” Connor said, his voice going a bit quieter as he focused in. The core had been his original problem, he just hadn’t had time to go back and fix the design. But something would have to power his armor. It was the only thing that made any sense.

He had a prototype being built by evening. Once again his unique palladium was saving him. He hadn’t considered it as a stable core until then.

Connor made his way upstairs, running his fingers through his hair. He could smell something cooking, so he poked his head into the kitchen. And he nearly choked on his own spit.

Evan…had a really old fashioned way of dressing. He looked like he wanted to be retired. Connor hadn’t been fond of it, but free expression and all that. He hadn’t been expecting to find Evan with clothes someone his age would actually wear. Especially not jeans that made his ass look that nice. Holy shit. The booty shorts the other week had nearly killed him via asphyxiation, but this would be a more painful and slow death. 

Connor cleared his throat and looked away. He didn’t want to be weird. It didn’t help things that Evan was built like a brick house.

“Hello,” Evan smiled at him in greeting.

“Hey,” Connor gave a pathetic wave. “You uh…went shopping.”

“Yeah, I’m still…figuring out what I’m comfortable with. Clothing…it used to be a lot simpler growing up. I just wore what I was given because we didn’t have the money to be picky.”

“You look good.” Connor said it before he could process properly. “I mean…y’know, you don’t look like an old man for once.”

Evan chuckled softly, “Yeah? Good.”

Connor moved to sit on the counter and watched as Evan cooked. He really wanted a cup of coffee, he had been so caught up in his own misery when he had woken up that he hadn’t even given himself the pleasure.

Connor slid off the counter and his knees buckled. He stumbled, completely off kilter. The room around him became fuzzy and his breath stuttered.

“Woah!”

Connor blinked a few times, finding he wasn’t holding himself up. He could feel Evan’s hand at the center of his back, holding Connor like one would dip someone during a dance. What the fuck was that?

“Are you okay?” Evan slowly brought him upright and moved him to a chair at the table. Connor felt…cold. Weird.

“Connor?”

“What?” Connor had spaced out again.

“He’s dehydrated,” Zoe beeped from the ceiling. “He hasn’t had a glass of water in two days.”

“Do you like ice?”

Connor cocked his head to the side, “What?”

“Ice water.”

Connor shrugged, “Sure.”

Evan brought him a glass, Connor sipping at it. He had been distracted apparently. Usually he was good at making sure he didn’t hurt himself like that. He didn’t give a shit about himself but he always tried to do the bare minimum to stay alive.

“Here, I tried making cauliflower steak,” Evan passed him a plate.

Connor stared at his plate, “I love cauliflower.”

“Well then I hope you like it,” Evan sat across from him with a normal steak. “I’m not good at cooking to be honest. I just make the basics because it’s all I grew up knowing.”

Connor smirked, tracing his finger around the lip of his water glass. “So that’s why you make eggs every morning? I thought you might be implying something.”

Evan stared at him blankly. “What would I be implying?”

Okay. The joke hadn’t landed. Cool. “Y’know, that you’re an…egg?”

Evan glanced at his own hands, “I’m a human.”

Right. Evan was raised by like…technophobes. He didn’t know. “Egg is like…an internet term for trans people who don’t know they’re trans yet.”

Evan still clearly didn’t understand. Which…the guy grew up in New York. How was he this dim?

“Trans?”

“Transgender.” He had to know what that meant.

Evan leaned over a bit as if he wanted to keep their conversation quiet despite it only being them in the house. “You mean like…like a transsexual? I would never imply that. That’s so—”

Connor stood, still not feeling properly ready for it but also not feeling willing to listen to Evan talk. Not when he knew the next word out of his mouth would be gross. “Get the fuck out of my house.”

“What?”

Connor pointed in the direction of the door. “I’m serious. Out. I can deal with you being ignorant but I draw the fucking line at intolerance. Gay marriage has been legal for how many fucking years now?! I want you gone by morning! Got it, asshole?”

Connor stomped off, marching his way down to his workshop. He shut himself inside and let out a huff.

Contract be damned. His own secrets be damned. He wasn’t dealing with that shit.

✩

Evan stared after Connor’s retreating form. What had he said? Connor had never…

“What?” Evan knew he was missing something but he wasn’t sure what. Most modern terms and slang he had caught on to quickly but…

“You used an outdated term. It tends to be viewed in a more negative light. Connor particularly doesn’t like it.”

Yeah, he had gathered as much. Evan felt like he had missed fifty chapters of context. And technically he had. Shit, what had he missed? He pulled out his phone and stared at the screen.

“I want to understand, but I don’t know where to start,” Evan said. “Can you help?”

“Of course.”

Evan watched as Zoe changed his phone, opening several historical articles. The amount of tabs that opened alarmed him. He had clearly missed a lot.

“Where would you like to start?”

“Can we work from…spring of ‘69 forward?” Evan asked, getting up from the table. A bit on the nose, given that he was trying to pick up exactly where the ice had left him off at. He would clean up dinner once he had things figured out. For the time being he went up to his room, sitting in the center of his bed and watching as Zoe selected an article to read.

Evan had fully intended to go back and clean up. But history had unfolded in ways he hadn’t even considered. He had just missed an entire revolution. If he had been around he could have helped. Captain might not have been allowed to, but he could have.

People died, illness claimed lives, fighting just to be allowed to exist. People flooded courthouses for the chance that they could be married for a day. Only for papers to be nulled, to have society turn their back on you like they always had. Fighting for years to simply hold someone’s hand.

And Evan had missed it.

He couldn’t help but cry. People were going to grow up in a safer world. It wasn’t perfect, but…

Evan still remembered how his life in the past had been. How it had been the expectation to just look away. To pretend it wasn’t there. That there was no other, and if there was an other then…make sure everyone knew that you weren’t that.

And if you were an other, do everything to get rid of it.

Evan didn’t sleep. His mind was racing with all the information intake. As the sun creeped into his window he got out of bed, finally cleaning up their abandoned dinner. He would make breakfast once he knew Connor didn’t actually want him gone. Still, he did need to apologize. He would figure out a way to explain himself.

Evan made his way down to the workshop and knocked on the door. He wouldn’t barge in like last time.

Connor didn’t look happy to see him. Evan couldn’t help but notice that he was clutching at his own ribs like they hurt. He chose to not mention it for the time being.

“Are you done packing?”

Evan held up his hands in surrender, “Connor, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to speak in an offensive tone.”

“I don’t want your bullshit excuses—”

“Growing up I didn’t even know that trans people existed, Connor.”

“I really don’t believe you—”

“My father liked to live life like it was the 40s,” Evan would have to wiggle his way around his own absence in time. “That was how he raised me for the years he was in my life. In the 40s you didn’t even use the word gay. I didn’t know that it meant anything other than happy.”

Connor took a step back, his brow still furrowed. Still, it was something.

“I’ll be the first to admit that I’m…severely lacking in common knowledge, but I didn’t even think to consider that being anything other than a man who settles down with a woman was an option.”

Connor sighed, stepping out to join him in the hall. “Your dad sounds like an asshole.”

“Well, he’s been dead for…a long time now,” Evan couldn’t help but grimace at the idea. He had learned of his father dying by mail right after he graduated. He hadn’t gone to the service, he couldn’t afford to go out that far. Colorado was so far away when he didn’t have the money to even go to college. Maybe he should take some time to visit his grave in the future.

Connor rubbed at his face, “I’ll let this go, but if I ever hear of you—”

“You won’t.”

Connor pulled out his hair from where it had been tied back, soft waves falling around his shoulders. “You’re lucky you’ve been tolerable.”

Evan smiled a bit. It was the closest he had gotten to a compliment so far. Still, he couldn’t help but lock on to how Connor refused to let go of his ribs.

“Are you…okay?”

Connor nodded, “Yeah. Just…tripped and fell on my air compressor. I’m fine.”

“Again, thank you,” Evan started to back towards the stairs. “I’ll make breakfast.”

He could feel relief washing over him. He knew from the tone he had used that Connor had been serious about his threats. Evan would have been mortified to have effectively been fired for being ignorant. If anything he was happy for the wake up call, he never would have thought to question anything if Connor hadn’t brought it up.

Connor was looking at his phone when he came up to eat. Evan kept quiet so he didn’t disturb whatever he was thinking about or working on. He didn’t want to risk any more mistakes.

“My parents actually sent me an email,” Connor mused.

“Do they not normally?”

“They know I mute their texts. Usually they don’t contact me at all.”

Evan didn’t want to point out the obvious but… “Maybe they would text if you didn’t mute them?”

Connor quietly began to eat, merely shrugging at Evan’s suggestion. Evan didn’t push the subject, he was learning how prickly the other man could be when it came to mentioning his family. Still, he was hopeful that things were improving at least a bit since he started nudging.

“They want me to visit the office this afternoon,” Connor explained. “I have a suspicion they just want to show me off at a meeting, but since they actually took the time and effort to actually invite me? I think I’ll show up.” Connor looked down for a moment, “Um…I know I said your dad sounded like an asshole, but I am sorry to hear that he passed. When did he…you said it wasn’t recent…”

“I was eighteen. But he left when I was seven and I never saw him before he died. My mom and I were never fond of him, even when he was around. Old parenting tactics and all that…”

Connor’s eyes grew wide, “What?”

Evan waved it off, “It’s fine. Did you want me to try again with the cauliflower steak? I promise to not ruin dinner with my ignorance again.”

Connor’s mouth opened and closed a few times, “Huh? Fuck, whatever about dinner. Cap—Evan—”

“I think that I could expand my vegetarian culinary library if you wanted, I’m still learning some basics but I do enjoy cooking.”

Connor ran a hand through his hair, “Okay, yeah, sure. You don’t need to make me food every day. I’m a grown ass man.”

Evan shrugged, “Feels wrong to not include you when I’m in your house.” He got up and began to clean up the kitchen again. “But let me know what time you plan on leaving for your meeting. I was still thinking about going for a run today.”

Connor hummed and let Evan take his plate once it was cleared. Evan kept to himself as he did the dishes. And yet Connor still just sat at the table. He made no motion to move.

“Evan?”

He paused his cleaning and turned his shoulder so he could face Connor. “Yeah?”

Connor was staring wide eyed at him again, “Your dad…that wasn’t all that long ago. What, three years? That…I mean your dad died more recently than…my sister.”

“I…I guess. He wasn’t in my life past age seven. Don’t worry about it.”

Connor crossed his arms over his chest, “And you mentioned a friend, was that recent too?”

The mention of Jared still hurts. Evan should have done more to try and save him. A lost mission would have been worth his friend’s life. Jared had always been…well, he had almost always been there. And when he hadn't been it was Evan’s fault.

“How about you talk about yourself for once,” Evan suggested, drying his hands. “I’ve talked plenty about myself.”

Connor arched a brow, “I have a Wiki page, read it if you’re interested.”

Evan crossed the room to stand in front of Connor, “At this point I don’t plan on it. Why learn about someone online when I’ve got the person right in front of me. Besides, I’m sure that the page is full of errors.”

“Errors?”

“Like saying you’re a party boy? You’re nearly as quiet as me.”

Connor chuckled, “Oh no, you figured out I’m secretly a hermit?”

“Your parents don’t think so.”

“They don’t know me.”

“They want to.”

Connor scoffed, “Trust me, they really don’t. My parents don’t reach out to me. This email is the first one that isn’t an automated response to something I sent. They want me to be their show boy, it’s all they’ve ever wanted. If…if she was still here they wouldn’t even be pretending.”

“Give them some credit, they hired me to protect you.”

Connor got up and looked around the room. “Protect me from what, Captain? There aren’t any threats to my life. You know that you’re just a spy for them, right? A babysitter to keep me in check. Your dad left? My parents shipped me off to a different country so they didn’t have to deal with me. Boarding school, a nanny when I was home because most of the time they had something planned. Zoe didn’t get the brains that I did, I’ve been alone since I started school.”

Evan pressed his lips into a line, “I just…I don’t want you to lose your parents. Not when you…you have time. Okay?”

Connor shook his head, “Don’t meddle with shit you don’t understand, for both of our sakes.”

“Fine,” Evan held up his hands. The conversation was dipping towards arguing and he really didn’t want to argue.

He went back to his dishes and Connor vacated the room. Once he was done cleaning Evan went upstairs to change and head out for his run. He let himself get lost in his own head. He wanted to know more about Connor, learn why he had such resentment towards his parents. Connor…

He was interesting. Insanely smart, smarter than Evan was probably imagining. There was just something about him that Evan liked. He wanted to be friends with Connor.

How long had it been since he had managed to make a friend?

Evan made his way back to the mansion and went straight into the gym. He set music to play from the speakers and he started taping up his hands. He was feeling like utilizing the punching bag today. He had to pull his punches to an extent, he didn’t want to risk ruining the bag. Evan kept his body calm as he shifted on his feet. He focused on the beat of the music and the thud of his fists hitting the bag. It was his way of relaxing.

“Captain?” Zoe paused the music and broke his transe. “Connor intends to leave for the office in an hour. I would suggest getting ready.”

Evan began pulling the tape off of his hands as he walked towards his room. He set about showering and changing to go out, slipping on a pair of boots that his mother had gifted him. Modernly stylish while still being good for running or hiking. He really wanted to go hiking around the cliffside that Connor lived near someday. It would be fun.

“Damn, what are you? Like a park ranger?” Connor noticed his boots as he walked into the garage. Connor had changed, a heavy sweater pulled over his body despite the early summer sun. He gave a playful salute. “At ease, Captain Forest Expert.”

“Y’know I actually am kind of a forest expert,” Evan felt himself grinning. “I always loved nature and studied all of the flora around the areas I traveled in the military. Seeing the redwoods is a new dream of mine now that I live here.”

“Of course you’re a geek,” Connor teased, sliding into his car. “C’mon, before I change my mind and take myself to the club instead.”

Evan got in next to Connor and they took off towards the office. Connor had chosen to use a big clip to keep his hair contained. It suited him quite well. Connor had sharp features. It would simply be a lie to call him unattractive. Cynthia and Larry worried about Connor possibly being promiscuous for a reason.

Connor caused heads to turn as they walked around the property. Evan wouldn’t have known better, but Connor clearly had a face that people knew. At least employees of his family’s company knew. Evan kept himself a few paces behind Connor, keeping quiet and professional. He had a job to do.

Evan beamed as he saw his mother in the conference room. He hadn’t known she would be attending but he was more than happy to see her. She got up and scurried her frail little body over to him, pulling Evan down into a hug.

“Hello honey,” Heidi squeezed him as tight as she could. “The new wardrobe really does suit you.”

Evan smiled and ushered her back to her seat, across the table from them next to Alana. He stood behind Connor as he sat, all other eyes in the room locked to him. Connor pretended to be blind to the staring, merely picking at his nails.

The meeting was fairly boring. At least from where Evan stood. Larry and Cynthia stood at the head of the table to discuss sales and production. Connor was leaning and resting his chin on his hand. He didn’t seem entertained either.

“And now for the exciting news,” Larry looked across the table with a grin. “We recently bought a new property upstate, we will be expanding our production! It will strictly be manufacturing, but construction is set to begin this fall!”

Amongst the excited murmurs of the important people in the room Evan’s ears picked up on something outside. He craned his neck to better hear, his advanced ears picking up on a sound he knew all too well from his time fighting in a war.

Evan grabbed the back of Connor’s chair and pulled him backwards as the door to their meeting room burst open. Evan unceremoniously dumped Connor out of the chair and on to the floor as bullets began firing in the room. People screamed, Evan caught sight of his mother instantly ducking under the table and dragging Alana with her. He used his now empty chair and threw it at what appeared to be a masked attacker. The force of the chair startled the attacker but he didn’t fall over. His distraction wouldn’t last long, so Evan ran forward.

“Hansen!” Connor yelled after him as he sprinted at the attacker.

Evan faced the attacker head on, managing to knock the weapon out of his hand. Along with the mask his face was painted with dark paint, but brown eyes narrowed as Evan made contact. Evan began throwing punches, wincing as those thrown from the attacker properly hurt. Evan felt his eyes widen as he saw that the attacker’s left arm appeared to be metal. A red star hastily painted on the shoulder.

Evan was grabbed by the collar and flipped into the meeting table. With the flesh arm. How had he…this attacker was strong. Far too strong to be an average human.

Evan threw himself to his feet and chased after the attacker as he tried to make an escape. He pushed himself, managing to throw himself at the other man and knock them both to the ground. Evan managed to get on top of the tussle and began to throw punches again.

“Who sent you?” Evan demanded. “Why are you here?!”

The attacker remained silent. Evan caught the metal fist as it was thrown at him, twisting the wrist until he heard snapping and it went limp.

“Why?!” Evan repeated.

“Finish job.”

Evan was thrown into a wall and the attacker smashed through a window and jumped out. Evan scrambled to get back up and ran to the broken glass. He looked out, but the man was gone. There was nothing outside but a drop to the ground. An empty plot. He just vanished into thin air.

Evan ran back into the meeting room, finding everyone still scrambling. They were all crowded near the head of the table. Evan jogged over, finding that Larry and Cynthia had both collapsed. He broke through the crowd and stared at the bloodied bodies of his employers. Fuck. Please no.

Evan bent down and checked both for a pulse. He didn’t feel anything. Evan moved over Larry’s body and began chest compressions, looking to Connor.

“C’mon, do you want them to live or not?”

Connor dropped down to his knees and repeated what Evan was doing with Cynthia. Evan kept going until he heard Larry take in a shallow breath, though his eyes didn’t open. He took over for Connor and allowed the young man to step back.

Eventually paramedics came, taking both parents out on stretchers. Evan stuck close to Connor, finding the other man shaking and worryingly pale. He didn’t make any motion to leave the room.

“Connor?” Evan kept his voice quiet.

“Get everyone out,” Connor whispered. “The board members.”

Evan looked to Alana, hoping she could help. She nodded, turning to face the room.

“Everyone? Let’s all file out into the hallway, the police will likely want space to do their investigation and it will be easier if we aren’t crowding them.”

The small crowd filed out, Evan squeezing his mother’s hand before she stepped out. Alana closed the door behind them, leaving Connor and Evan alone. Connor had his phone out, glaring at the screen.

“Fuck him,” Connor growled, pocketing his phone. He looked to Evan, “A-are you okay?”

Evan nodded, “I’m fine. What about you? Are you hurt?”

Connor shook his head, “No. I…I think you got me out of the way fast enough. I can’t—” Connor buried his face in his hands. “Fuck!”

Evan shuffled forward, “Connor—”

Evan held out his arms. It was only an offer. Connor peeked through his fingers for a moment before dropping his arms. He crashed into Evan, hiding his face against Evan’s shoulder as sobs wracked through him. Evan held the other man steady, lightly tracing a hand up and down his spine. He would keep Connor safe.

Connor was quick to compose himself, backing up and beginning to pace the room. His tears stopped but his eyes were wide with fear and he was worrying his lower lip with his teeth. Evan kept calm and watched as Connor picked aggressively at his nails.

Evan stayed as they were both questioned by the police, Connor giving the officers access to camera footage to review. It was a long afternoon for them both, with Larry and Cynthia’s conditions unknown Connor was the one to take charge. As far as the officers and everyone else was concerned Connor was standing as CEO. At least until the parents recovered. If they recovered at all. It was horrible of him to think, but Evan was going to be realistic.

It was after dark by the time they made it back to the house. Evan started to make his way into the kitchen so he could make dinner for them. Both him and Connor had blood dried on their hands, and washing them would be ideal.

“Captain, Evan, don’t,” Connor stopped him before he could pull out a pan. “I’ll just order a pizza. Let’s just…get cleaned up.”

Evan nodded, heading up to his room so he could do as asked. He took a quick shower and changed into sleep clothes, trotting back down to find Connor had done similarly. His hair sat around his shoulders in wet clumps and he was stretched out on the couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table. Evan sat next to him, leaving a cushion of space between them.

“Did you want to watch a movie?” Connor asked, not looking up from his phone. It looked like he was messaging someone, though Evan couldn’t see any response texts. He averted his eyes, it wasn’t his business.

“Um, sure. You can pick.” Evan wasn’t caught up on what movies were considered good these days.

“You’ll regret that choice,” Connor chuckled, getting up to walk over to the entertainment stand. He opened a cabinet and pulled out a plastic case. “I’m obsessed with the Captain movies they made when we were kids.”

Evan felt his face burn a bit, “You like Captain?”

Connor nodded, grabbing a remote and turning on the television. “I’ve always liked Captain. How can you not? His whole deal was doing the right thing no matter what. He was an actual hero, powers to boot.”

“He was used to make war more appealing,” Evan wrinkled his nose. “He was pure war propaganda.”

“I mean…yeah. Still, the comics were my sole form of enjoyment as a kid. I was off in Sweden in my school for geniuses and needed a way to unwind.”

“You were that far away as a kid?”

“You need to read the Wiki.”

Evan smirked at Connor, “I don’t think I will.”

Connor flipped him off, “Dude, I graduated from college at nineteen. I’ve been independent since starting school. Being away has never been an issue.”

Evan got up once they got the alert that their pizza was outside. No contact with the delivery person. It was nice. Evan had always struggled a bit with talking to people when it came to things like that.

Evan brought their dinner inside, finding Connor had only placed meat on half of the pizza. Connor grabbed from the plain cheese side while Evan was meant to have the half with toppings. They both grew quiet as the movie played.

The actor that they had chosen to play him was…interesting. The acting was fairly decent, but it leaned into the things Evan had hated about his former job. He never liked fighting. He was good at it now, adaptive and smart. But…the actor made it seem like he had enjoyed fighting people. The love interest of a general’s daughter made him roll his eyes. What good was an American man if not to have a gal to come home to?

“So…” Connor looked over with his brows raised in questioning. “You said earlier that you didn’t think anything besides straight was an option. Does that mean you’ll be reflecting on yourself?”

Evan tensed. That felt like it was a personal question. Why would Connor even ask that? Of course he wouldn’t…

“I-I, I mean just because there’s nothing wrong with not being straight doesn’t mean…” Evan avoided eye contact. “I’m not any of that. I can’t be. I’m a leader, I—”

Evan fell quiet. His brain was going a mile a minute. He…he was Captain. The television screen was showing him who he was. A strong man who…he would find the right girl and settle down. That was what…

“Woah, Evan. No.” Jared pushed him back, quick to get to his feet and back towards the door.

Evan felt his face burn, “Jared, I-I—”

Jared held up a finger and made him freeze in place. “Don’t. Just don’t. Do not ever speak about this, okay? Just don’t talk to me anymore. Not until you get yourself sorted.”

“I’m sorry—”

“Shut up. Don’t speak to me,” Jared reached for the door handle. “This never happened.”

Jared left, leaving Evan alone in the growing dark. It had been a mistake. Why had he done it? What the hell had he been thinking? What was wrong with him?

Evan bit down on his cheek and fought back his tears. Real men didn’t cry. Not over something as silly as a friend being upset with you. Jared and him would patch things up. They were pals. He would see him Monday at school. He just had to grow up.

Real men didn’t cry. Good men didn’t cause a scene. Good men didn’t do that with other men.

Evan would get over it, forget it ever happened. And he wouldn’t cry.

Evan craned his neck up and ran his hands over his face. Oh fuck. He was so stupid. Past embarrassment washed over him. As did clarity. He hadn’t actually done anything wrong that day. There hadn’t been anything wrong with him, he just…

Hadn’t known the words. Hadn’t had the chance to safely exist.

“Captain? Evan? Are you okay?”

Evan didn’t make eye contact. He stared up at the ceiling. He didn’t quite feel real at the moment.

“I’m gay.”

Evan heard coughing and looked over. Connor had inhaled his drink, coughing into his sweater sleeve as he set down the glass. Evan sat up properly and patted Connor on the back a few times just for good measure to ensure he wasn’t actively choking.

“Fuck,” Connor wiped at his eyes. “Sorry. I just didn’t plan on opening your eyes to your inner reflection. I—”

“The hospital is calling,” Zoe announced, cutting them off.

Evan paused the movie while Connor pulled out his phone. He got up, pacing the room as he spoke to a doctor. Evan kept himself quiet, finding Connor’s voice growing more tense as the conversation continued. When the call ended Connor merely stared at his phone screen for a moment.

“My dad is…in surgery,” Connor whispered. “He may need a heart transplant. Or something. I think I blocked it out. And my mom…”

Evan got up and brushed a lock of damp hair out of Connor’s face. The other man was biting down on his cheek.

“Her heart keeps stopping. They’ll be placing both into comas to see if they heal. I…I have to meet with lawyers tomorrow—”

Connor’s walls broke, he hid against Evan as tears began to fall. Evan held them steady. It was all he could do.

“I’m not ready to lose them too,” Connor managed to get something out.

Evan brought them back to the couch, both of them stretched out across the length of it. He didn’t say anything. Didn’t disturb Connor. He just let the other man cry. He knew Connor loved his parents, but this didn’t feel like the time to say I told you so.

Connor ended up falling asleep. He had worn himself out. Evan didn’t move. He didn’t want to risk ruining what little amount of peace Connor had found in his internal hell. Someone had targeted Connor’s family. And Captain wouldn’t be letting them get any closer.

Chapter Text

Connor stared at his reflection in the mirror. He looked pale. He was far too pale considering where he lived. He looked over his own arms, nausea pooling in his stomach as he saw what he had done to himself. What he…continued to do to himself at times.

Fuck, he was so tired. He had woken up in the middle of the night, finding him and Evan were still both on the couch. He had gotten up and hid away in his workshop for a few hours. It had been an easy distraction. Reality was hitting a bit too hard for him at the moment.

Miguel was still not responding. The only person he would want to talk to. But Evan was nice enough, he made a good enough person to have attempt to comfort him. And now he was standing in the mirror.

He had changed no less than five times. He needed the lawyers and employees and media to take him seriously. He had to act better than he had been made out to be over the past…several years. He took a deep breath before pulling on his blazer and buttoning it. He wasn’t dressed as nice as his father tended to for work, but it was a big step up from his grease stained hoodies and ripped jeans.

“How do I look?” He asked his reflection, tying back the top half of his hair so it was out of his face.

“Like you’re about to puke,” Zoe’s voice answered for him. “But you don’t look like you crawled out of a dumpster for once, so good job.”

Connor twitched, “Fuck off.”

He made his way out of his room and down to the kitchen. He poured a mug of coffee and seated himself on the counter. He was anxious enough to wish he had booze instead of caffeine, but he wouldn’t let the impulse get to him.

He would probably get high after the day was done. It had been a while.

“Hi,” Evan walked in and poured himself his own mug. “How are you feeling?”

Connor pressed his lips into a line, “I’m alive.”

Evan hummed and pulled up a chair, “That’s the bar?”

“A masked man with a metal arm tried to kill me. Yeah.”

“Good point.”

“How about you? You got your ass kicked by him.”

Evan set his mug down, “I didn’t get my ass kicked—”

“The dude damn near smashed you through a table.”

“Okay fine, I got my ass kicked.”

Connor pointed at him, “Don’t do stupid shit like that in the future.”

Evan held up his hands in surrender, “I’ll do my best. Did you want me to make breakfast? You look like you’ve got a big day planned.”

Connor shook his head, “I don’t think I could eat. Thanks though.”

Connor finished a majority of his cup of coffee before readying himself to leave. He clenched his hands into fists to keep them from shaking as he walked out to the car. Evan silently followed him around, getting into the car without a word.

Connor forced himself to keep breathing. He hardly noticed the street signs as he rolled down the road. The company property was surrounded by media personnel. It was terrifying. Connor clenched his jaw and ignored them. He would pretend they didn’t exist. Pretend he wasn’t terrified of what his future now held.

Alana was waiting in his dad’s office with a pair of lawyers. Evan stood guard outside the office while Connor sat at the desk where his dad usually worked. It felt wrong.

Connor would be in charge for the next…while. Until his parents could return to their duties. He was completely unprepared. He had spent the past several years avoiding his family legacy like the fucking plague. He fulfilled his legal obligations so he could afford his life, but he didn’t know shit about running a business. He was an engineering major.

“What should I do?” Connor looked to Alana for guidance. She knew more than him. With the lawyers gone he could drop his act a bit. She knew he didn’t have a clue. “What…what’s a typical day for…my dad?”

Alana looked miserable. Her eyes were bloodshot and Connor could see a package of tissues poking out of her dress pocket. Connor had worn black because that was just the color of the majority of his clothes, but Alana had dressed for mourning.

“Well…typically your dad talks with department heads. Deadlines to be met, things like that. But…you don’t have to do that.”

“But I should. It’s my job, right?”

“Connor, no one expects—”

“Lana!” Connor stood from his chair. The young woman flinched. Fuck. He was failing. “I just—I want to do this right. Please.”

Alana nodded, “Right. Sorry. I will…I’ll have someone come in. In a half hour? Is that…it’ll give you time to…adjust.”

Connor bowed his head, “Thank you.”

It was nearly torture. Connor didn’t know any of the employees. They all clearly feared him. Connor was a ticking time bomb in their eyes. He knew the world would be watching with baited breath to see how he would royally fuck up the family business.

He tried to do good by the employees he met. He found a legal pad in a desk drawer and took notes. He listened to what they had to say and jotted down names for him to memorize. He was far from stupid, but Connor didn’t know business.

Alana came in after his fifth meeting. She seemed a bit worried and scurried over to him.

“There’s an agent in the hall. Someone wanting to discuss…yesterday.”

Connor nodded, “I mean…yeah. Police will probably be hanging around for a while.”

“No, I don’t think he’s—”

“Connor Murphy,” the door burst open and Connor hardly kept his jaw from dropping. Miguel was strutting in and decked out in a suit. Evan came in after him, keeping careful eyes on the other young man. “My name is Agent Miguel Rivera of the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division. I’m here to discuss the attack on your family’s business yesterday.”

Miguel hadn’t responded to him for weeks and now they’re pretending to be strangers? Connor was ready to snap at him. What the hell was his problem? Why hadn’t he at least sent a goddamn text?!

“Excuse me?” Connor genuinely didn’t know how to respond.

“Mr. Murphy—”

Seriously? Mr. Murphy? What the fuck was M’s deal? Connor stood from the desk and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Yeah. Let’s chat. Lana, Hansen, I’m fine.”

Evan and Alana made themselves scarce. Miguel pulled up a seat across from Connor’s, his expression lacking much of the emotion Connor knew he had.

“Can you describe the attacker to me?” Miguel was quiet and firm in his tone.

“M. Are you serious?”

“Mr. Murphy, please—”

“You’ve been ignoring me for weeks! C’mon! I called three times yesterday!”

Miguel’s face softened for a moment. “I’m sorry, Principito. But I’m here on business. It was a struggle to even get here.”

“What? So you don’t know me all of a sudden? My parents might die! All I fucking wanted yesterday was for you to just respond!”

“I spent all my time from the moment the attack happened trying to get here! I’m still supposed to be off the grid, do you know how many strings I pulled to get here? If I hadn’t you would have been forced to talk to a different agent that you don’t know. How fucked up would it have been if someone came from my workplace that wasn’t me? You would have been pissed!”

“I’d at least know you were still busy!”

Miguel reached his hand over and tried to hold Connor’s. He pulled away, not wanting to let Miguel appeal to him. He was mad and wanted to stay that way.

“Look,” Miguel rubbed at his face. “My department has reason to to believe your family is specifically being targeted.”

“No shit,” Connor shot him a bored look.

“Connor…the descriptions we’ve had…your attacker is a ghost. Most of the intelligence community doesn’t believe he exists. But the ones who do…they call him the Winter Soldier. He’s believed to be credited to over three dozen assassinations over the past fifty years.”

Connor wrinkled his nose, “That doesn’t make sense. To get the experience? He would have to be ancient. That can’t be real.”

Miguel got up and walked around the desk, untucking his shirt from his pants. “Almost four years ago I was helping escort some high profile witnesses, no one knew where we were. Someone shot out my tires, I lost control and crashed into a river.” He lifted his shirt and pointed to a scar near his ribs. “I managed to get everyone out but he was there. I was covering one of the witnesses so he shot the man through me.”

Connor eyed up the scar, “You told me you had a benign tumor removed. That you fucked up your stitches while working.”

“It was more believable at the time,” Miguel stated, tucking his shirt back into place. “The point is that I need to know if who you saw yesterday was the same person. Because if it was? Not even I could protect you. Not forever.”

“I didn’t really see him,” Connor confessed. “Evan saw more than me. He fought the guy. But…he had a metal arm.”

Miguel looked to the floor, “Shit. Can I talk to Evan?”

Connor nodded, getting up to go bring Miguel out into the hall. He opened the office door to find Evan conversing quietly with Aunt Heidi. Miguel spotted her and threw his shoulders back.

“Director Hansen?” Miguel seemed surprised.

Aunt Heidi looked over with wide eyes, “SHIELD is in on this?”

Miguel strutted up to the elderly lady and held out his hand for her to shake, “It’s an honor to meet you, I’m Agent Miguel Rivera. And…yes. We’re in on this.”

“Director?” Evan seemed lost. Connor was too.

“I ran SHIELD for a few months,” Heidi shrugged. “They were in a transitional stage back in the 90s and I stepped up.”

Connor watched as Miguel seemed to be genuinely excited. It was weird to see him…that hyper. Miguel was always so cool and calm.

“You’re selling yourself short,” Miguel was beaming at Heidi. He turned to face Connor. “Director Hansen founded SHIELD. Summer of '69 she demanded that there be a new focus to help look out for different types of threats. She helped fund the organization and built the foundation for my career.”

“Summer of…” Evan was giving his aunt a confused look. “You mean…”

“We can talk about it later,” Heidi shushed him and patted his cheek. She turned back to the other two young adults. “Yes my history is more colorful than I typically say. Agent Rivera, did you need something from us?”

“To speak with…you, I believe,” Miguel turned to face Evan. “And uh, who are you? Exactly?”

“Captain Evan Hansen,” Evan held out a hand for Miguel to shake. “Heidi is my…aunt.”

“Great aunt,” Heidi corrected.

Miguel hummed, “Right. Well, if we could please discuss what you saw yesterday, Captain Hansen. I would appreciate your time.”

Evan and Miguel were shut in Larry’s office, leaving Connor with Heidi.

“You founded a government organization?” Connor raised his brows in surprise. “Aunt Heidi, I knew you were cool but I didn’t think you were that cool.”

“The original goal was different from what they do now,” Heidi explained. “My main focus…was on finding Captain.”

“I thought he died in a plane crash.”

“I—” Heidi frowned for a moment. “I always had hope that his powers would have allowed him a chance to survive. At least for a while. But…I never found him during my time with SHIELD. The world needs heroes, Connor. And Captain…he was special. When he went missing…he wasn’t just a loss for the government. A mother lost her son. She had likely already lost him to the draft but to lose him completely…” Heidi squeezed his hand. “I just wanted to bring his body home. So that…the family could make sure he was put to rest.”

Connor never considered that. Captain must have had a family. His real name had never been revealed. Supposedly it had never even been recorded, his identity erased when he was made a hero. No details about him. Most of the time his real name was theorized to be Steve. But…there had to be someone who hadn’t just lost a superhero when Captain died. Someone had lost a family member.

“Y’know, you’re really amazing, Aunt Heidi,” Connor mused.

She smiled at him, “I try to be.” She reached up and tucked a piece of hair that had fallen loose behind his ear. “Can you make me a promise?”

Connor nodded, not thinking anything of it. Her past requests of promises usually stemmed to him taking care of himself.

“Visit your parents,” Heidi whispered. “I know you’re…”

“Don’t—” Connor started to walk away but she grabbed his wrist and her thumb brushed over his skin. She knew what was hiding under the sweaters and jackets and layers he always wore.

“They’re scared to lose you too, honey,” Heidi whispered. “Trust me, I know. The fear that you could…that you could die before you see your child again.”

It was her eyes. Aunt Heidi was good at pleading, and her eyes always sold the deal. Connor slumped his shoulders and she let his wrist go.

“I'll visit once, if it makes you happy,” Connor grumbled. “Just…not today. It’s been…a long day.”

She reached up to pat his cheek, “I appreciate it.”

Evan and Miguel stepped back out into the hall, both of them walking over. Miguel stuck out his hand for Connor to shake again.

“Mr. Murphy, I’ll be in contact,” Miguel was back in his business mode. He turned to Heidi and offered her a handshake as well. “It’s been an honor, Director.”

Connor watched as Miguel made himself scarce before glancing around the hall. What now? He probably needed to find Alana and get back to work, right?

“Connor, would you mind if Evan joined me for a bit?” Heidi asked, smiling at her nephew.

“Yeah, go for it.”

Evan waved before walking off with Heidi. Connor made his way down the hall to Alana’s office, looking to her for direction on what to do. She seemed to be packing up her things. Was it really that late already?

“Oh, Connor,” Alana greeted him as she continued to pack up her items. “Did I need to know anything regarding that agent?”

“No, but…if I’m ever busy and he shows up…just pull me out to talk to him,” Connor sighed, rubbing at his face. “Oh man, the day got away from me.”

“Don’t feel like you need to come in every day,” Alana reassured him. “I have a pretty good grip on things. I’ll email you if something comes up and you aren’t here.”

“Thanks,” Connor smiled at her before walking back out. He was ready to go home for the day. He was exhausted. He made his way down to the main lobby, finding Evan still talking with Heidi.

“Three dozen!” Evan was staring at his aunt in shock. He must have heard about the potential attacker from Miguel. Connor was doubtful about it, if Miguel actually thought he was in danger he would say something.

“Let’s talk later,” Heidi squeezed his arm. “I should get home, have a good night.” She turned and waved to Connor. “Both of you.”

Connor and Evan were quiet when walking to the car. He was just so…tired. Everything happening was catching up to him. He wanted five cups of espresso shot straight into his bloodstream.

“I’ll make dinner,” Evan offered while glancing over.

“…Thanks,” Connor forced himself to not deny the offer. He hadn’t eaten yet. He needed to eat something before the day was over.

When they got back to the house Connor went up into his room to change out of the blazer he had been wearing. He exchanged his business clothes for something more casual, pulling on a worn out zip up hoodie that was forever stained with grease. He made his way back down to the kitchen and watched Evan cook. There was a small smile on his face as he moved around the kitchen, Connor picking up on him humming.

“Holy shit, even your taste of music is outdated,” Connor teased him. “The Beatles? Really?”

“You know who they are, what does that say about you?” Evan asked, pointing a cooking spoon at Connor.

“Hansen, they’re one of the biggest music names in the last century. Everyone has heard of them. Next you’ll be telling me you think Elvis is obscure by my modern listening standards.”

“Look, my parents—”

“Raised you to be an old man.”

Evan pivoted back around, “Sure.”

“What was your mom like? You haven’t mentioned her all that much.”

Evan set plates at the table and began dishing up their dinner, “She…she’s great. And even though she raised me with the older mindset…it was just her circumstance.”

“So she’s alive?”

Evan nodded, and Connor could tell something about bringing up his mom had changed his demeanor.

“Would you…prefer not to talk about her?”

“Yeah.”

Connor hummed and let it drop. Evan had spelled out some nasty shit about his childhood, it was possible that talking about his mom brought back the feelings.

As Connor sat eating he realized how hungry he actually was. He hadn’t eaten all day. What? A single cup of coffee before leaving and that was all? He was doing a fantastic job at caring for himself.

And he knew that if Evan wasn’t there he would have likely not eaten at all.

As Connor brought his dishes to the sink his phone buzzed with a call. Connor picked up the device from his pocket, finding Miguel’s name flashing on the screen. He frowned and ignored the call. Petty revenge for being ignored.

“Thanks, Evan,” Connor waved before going down to his workshop. Zoe was flickering through idle animations as he walked in, Connor pulling up his chair. He now had a voicemail. He decided to listen to it.

“Hey, Connor, I just got confirmation about your attacker,” Miguel’s voice sounded frantic. “It’s who we were worried about. SHIELD agents will be brought in to guard your parents. Please don’t do anything drastic. I’ll be back to talk with you as soon as I can. Just…stay home. It's the safest there.”

Connor deleted the message once it stopped playing. He set his phone down on his desk and got back up.

“Zoe, pull out the armor for me,” Connor requested. “We have an explosion to investigate.”

“Whatever,” Zoe’s eyes rolled as she brought out the device. “Didn’t your fuck buddy just tell you to not do stupid shit?”

“I’m not the one who will be out there, it’ll be…” Connor stared at the helmet. He needed a name. “It’ll be Iron Man.”

“That’s really fucking stupid.”

“So are you, fuck off.”

“I’m a computer.”

“Just suit me up!”

Other than the test flight he hadn’t used the suit yet, and his testing had been short and sweet. Connor couldn’t help but grin as armor was assembled around him, the HUD lighting up as everything turned on.

He had created a lot of amazing things in his life, but this was probably his favorite. A childhood dream brought to life. Sure, Zoe was up there, but she was created…not out of spite…but…

Still. As a kid he was never thinking of computer assistants. But a flying suit? That was a frequent thought.

“Let’s do this,” Connor hummed, walking out the back door. He activated the thrusters and took off into the sky. What better way to avoid his problems than to properly run away from them?

✩

Evan sighed as he walked up the front steps to his mother’s house. Connor had locked himself in the workshop and hadn’t come out for a few days. At least not when Evan was around to notice him leaving. His parents being hurt was bound to cause some fear, but he had faced things head on for that first day.

He couldn’t quite judge for it. When Jared had…he had pushed through his trip back to base only to proceed to strictly lay in bed for nearly a week.

“Hi honey,” Heidi let him in when he rang the bell. Evan stepped into the house and toed off his shoes, dropping the bag that held his shield and uniform by the door. His eyes widened as he watched his mother limp across the house towards the living room.

“Mom? What happened?” Evan rushed to her side.

Heidi waved him off, “Oh, nothing. I just bumped into the vanity earlier and it just hurts a bit. I’m fine.”

Evan didn’t exactly like that response, but he let it go. He sat next to her on the couch and criss crossed his legs. He wasn’t sure he wanted to have this conversation.

“You built…an entire government organization,” Evan stared at the rug so he didn’t have to look at her. “Just to find me?”

“It started that way, yes,” Heidi hummed. “I…I couldn’t just let you vanish, Evan. I needed to bring you home.”

“I was not worth that much effort. You could have lived your life—”

“What point was my life if I couldn’t watch you grow?” Heidi reached for his hand. “Honey…you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And I would have given up everything. The money, the respect, the friendship with Larry and Cynthia, everything if it meant I had never lost you.”

Evan hung his head, “I just…I never would have wanted me being gone to result in that. I’m so thankful that you found me, I just…”

“Evan, I’m your mother,” Heidi squeezed the hand she was holding. “Any mother in my position would do the same. SHIELD does good work now, I promise.”

Evan got up to pace the floor, “And now there’s a ghost assassin after Connor and his family. You were at that meeting. You could be at risk!”

“Evan,” Heidi didn’t get up but she tried to ground him from her seat. “I don’t want you even thinking about that monster. The Winter Soldier…I don’t care what your brain is telling you but you will not ever engage with him again.”

Evan cocked his head to the side, “I never told you the code name.”

Heidi clasped her hands together, “Honey. I was running SHIELD for a while. I know things. Do not. Engage. If he shows his face again I want you to run away. Take Connor if you must but do not attempt a confrontation.”

The doorbell rang and Evan went off to go answer. He opened the door a bit and found Agent Rivera standing on the other side.

“May I come in?” Miguel kept his voice neutral. No emotion or expression. Evan opened the door and let the young man in. “Is Director Hansen home?”

Heidi hobbled into the room, “Oh. Agent Rivera. Is this about the attack?”

Miguel let out a small huff, “Yes and no. I wanted to discuss you first.” Miguel pointed to Evan. “Because…you’re a ghost, Captain. I found it odd that I had never heard of you before, and you have literally no history.” He began pacing around Evan like he was an animal. “Even the smartest computer system I’ve ever seen couldn’t find much more than your name, title, and age. As far as history is concerned you didn’t even exist two months ago.”

“I—”

“Agent Rivera you should end your nonsense thinking,” Heidi was visibly agitated. “He is my nephew. Family. This is insulting.”

Miguel turned to Heidi, “That’s the other thing! You have no siblings, Director. This man can’t be your nephew.”

“He is from my ex-husband’s side—”

“Your ex-husband has a family. And nowhere is there any record of an Evan Hansen in the family. The last record I could find of an Evan Hansen that could be tangibly related to you was a high school class record from 1965. Where a seventeen year old boy named Evan Hansen attended a school near your neighborhood in Brooklyn. That was decades ago, Director.”

Evan didn’t know what to do or say. Why did this agent care about who Evan was so much? They had only met once!

“Director, I understand that you’re not getting younger,” Miguel approached her calmly. “You never had children, being lonely in old age happens. I just want to know if you gave this man a fake relation to you.”

“That’s enough,” Evan placed a hand on Miguel’s shoulder and tugged him backwards. “Don’t speak to her like that. She’s your superior, retired or not. And she asked you to not speak of things you don’t understand.”

“Evan, stop,” Heidi approached and made him back off. “It…it might be useful if he knows.”

Evan watched as his mother made her way to a shelf, removing a framed photo. She opened the back of the frame and revealed a handful of photos had been placed on top of each other in the frame. She spread the photos out on the counter and motioned for Miguel and Evan to join her.

“Agent Rivera, I am still a Director of SHIELD. That means you listen when I speak,” Heidi appeared to be shaking, her hands gripping the fame tight. “I won’t be around forever, and it is imperative that this secret remains between us three. Understand?”

Miguel nodded, glancing over the photos. “What is this?”

Evan eyed the photos and felt emotion fill his chest. There was a photo of his mother with her arm wrapped around him. He had seen it on the shelf when he had first woken up from the ice. His uniform was on, but they were both still smiling. She had said it was the one displayed because it kept his identity secure. It was a way to display her son without revealing who he was to her.

Beneath that photo were the others. It had been after his first successful mission as Captain. The first time Heidi had seen him since the…experiment. Photos had been taken of their meeting, her shock and awe of seeing her once sickly son as more. The first photos showed a hug, and another of their hug with Evan removing his helmet. His hair was plastered against his forehead, but the way Heidi smiled up at him was unmistakably motherly pride. The final showed them with Jared. Each had an arm around Evan with wide grins. His favorite people, those he kept close when his world turned into one of government secrets.

“What the…” Miguel examined the photos closely. “I’ve seen this one…” he pointed to the one where Evan had his helmet on. “But…”

Miguel whipped his head back and forth between Evan’s grinning photos and his current stoic state.

“My name is Captain Evan Hansen,” Evan held out his hand for Miguel to shake again. “Born February 1948. At nineteen I was drafted into the military, chosen to partake in an experiment to reinvent the average soldier to something more. An accident made the process impossible to recreate, and my past life was locked away to protect what I had become. I was nothing more than Captain.”

Miguel kept looking between the photos and Evan, trying to find something to tell him that they weren’t one in the same. “But-but Captain died.”

“Evan’s plane crashed into an isolated frozen wasteland,” Heidi explained. “We always assumed that the plane was somewhere at the bottom of the ocean, but our calculations were off by several thousand miles. The front of the plane filled with water due to the heat of the crash, but it quickly froze. Evan was frozen in ice the whole time. And his…” Heidi glanced over at him and squeezed his arm. “His abilities allowed him to survive. I just found him.”

Miguel looked down at the photos and back up to the pair, “You…you look like her.”

Evan pressed his lips into a line, “She’s my mother.”

Miguel looked to Heidi, “You never had kids—”

“When Evan was chosen to be a part of the super soldier project his normal life ended. They lied and declared him as killed in action. When he went missing and we thought he actually died I was offered a large amount of money to keep quiet. To come along with it we wiped all records of him from the public. It was as if my son had never even been born. I agreed to pretend I had no children.”

“So you’re the actual Captain?”

Evan walked over to his bag and pulled out the shield, “Yes.”

Miguel paced the room, “Holy shit. You’re alive! My abuela took me to the movies as I grew up but…”

“Agent Rivera,” Heidi caught his attention again. “I’m speaking as your superior right now. Do not tell anyone of what you know. My son lost his chance to live a normal life once, I will not let him lose it again.”

Miguel glanced at the shield Evan was holding, “I…okay. Fine.”

Heidi made her way back into the living room and the other two followed, “Now. Back to the attack, please.”

Miguel nodded, “I’m not sure if you’ve heard of the Winter Soldier?”

“I’m familiar,” Heidi hummed.

“We’ve confirmed it was him who attacked the Murphy family. SHIELD has sent agents to watch over the family and protect them while they recover, Connor has been instructed to stay home as much as he can. Though I understand that for him it will be difficult given his responsibilities.” Miguel glanced over at Evan and a hint of a smile formed on his face. “I guess he’s got the best bodyguard he could find.”

“Consider him safe,” Evan nodded.

Miguel smoothed out nonexistent wrinkles from his blazer, “I guess that covers everything I came here for. I’ll keep in touch if anything changes regarding the attack. Ideally we would like to neutralize the Winter Soldier but…”

“That monster will sooner die than let you catch him,” Heidi frowned. “But thank you for informing us, Agent Rivera.”

Miguel passed Evan a simple black card from his pocket, “If you ever need anything you can call this number. I always answer, even when I’m supposed to be off the grid.”

Miguel walked out, leaving Evan alone with his mother once again. He offered to stay for lunch, hoping to get her to sit down for a bit. She was still limping as she walked, but he could tell she was trying to act like she wasn’t in pain.

“Have you gone out to socialize yet?” Heidi kept her attention on him as they sat at the table to eat. “I know that you’ve…been quieter. In the past. But making some friends would be useful for you. Or you could try dating?”

Evan chewed on his lower lip. With all the chaos going on he hadn’t really had time to think about…having a social life. Not to mention…he didn’t like women. It was equally a relief and terrifying to know. He couldn’t quite see himself dating another man. It felt too foreign. Interacting with people felt foreign. But he could also see himself finding a nice guy. Being happy together. Just not right now.

“I…I mean there’s a lot going on right now, Mom,” Evan kept his voice quiet. “I talked to Alana a few times? She’s nice. Friendly.”

“I just don’t want you spending your adult life locked up in the house like you did as a kid.”

Sometimes she still talked to him like he was a teenager, “Neither do I.”

They fell quiet again as they continued to eat. It was hard, wanting to make her happy. Evan just…didn’t know where to start. Modern day young adults tended to find him a little strange. He didn’t know how to approach other people. He could be polite, he could be a soldier, but being a normal person had never been his strongest attribute.

“Maybe Alana has some friends you could meet?” Heidi suggested, tapping her finger on the table. “She’s a lovely girl, maybe she could be the start of a good connection.”

“I…” He knew she didn’t mean it that way but it felt like she was implying something more with Alana. “Mom. I’m…I’m gay.”

Heidi was quiet and Evan felt stress building in his system. She had always been open minded but maybe that didn’t apply to him? Was this how he would lose her? Not even to old age but to his own inability to keep his mouth shut?

“I know,” Heidi kept her voice calm as she answered. “It…I was wondering when you would figure it out.”

Evan raised his brows at her, “What do you mean?”

“Evan, darling, you were…we didn’t talk about it for a reason back then. But…how could I not know? To me you’re an open book. Especially when it comes to those you care about. And you weren’t subtle when it came to Jared.”

“How was I not subtle? It was illegal!”

“Your eyes say so much, even when you wear that helmet,” Heidi smiled at him. “I didn’t want to pressure you to figure it out, but I’m glad you did. I’m glad you told me.”

Evan’s stress was turning into regular pent up energy, “So you aren’t mad?”

Heidi shook her head, “No. Never. Not about that.”

Evan stood and rounded to her side of the table, pulling his mother into a gentle hug. “Thanks.”

They cleaned up together, Evan putting leftovers away while Heidi loaded her dishwasher. He hadn’t imagined ever being able to say something like that to her. They had always avoided the things that made him…less than ideal. It wasn’t her fault, it was just the time. But…it felt good to finally have words to put in their conversation.

“So…that means you and Jared…” Heidi’s eyes were wide and sad. Jared had been like a second son to her, Evan knew it. Jared and him had been inseparable for so long when they had been younger.

“No, not like that,” Evan hung his head. Would it ever stop hurting to think about him? “I mean…I liked him.”

“Obviously,” Heidi chuckled softly and ruffled his hair.

“And…he didn’t take it well when he found out,” Evan mumbled. “That’s why we stopped…why we didn’t talk for a while. It was my fault. I messed up.”

Heidi reached for his hand, “I’m sure that it wasn’t that bad.”

“Well…we made up eventually,” Evan shrugged. “And we both just…silently agreed not to talk about it. Ever. And we didn’t.” Evan looked to the floor and his eyes started searching for shapes in the linoleum tiles. “I should have saved him.”

“You tried to–”

“But I didn’t actually do it,” Evan ran a hand through his hair. “I couldn’t save Jared, I almost didn’t save Connor–”

“But you did, Connor is still here,” Heidi squeezed his hand between hers. “You helped save Cynthia and Larry. Honey, you aren’t giving yourself enough credit. You woke up after half a century, you’re doing fine.”

Evan nodded his head and went back to his task. Once everything was cleaned up he made sure that his mother was comfortable on the couch before making his way back to the mansion. He stepped inside and found Connor laying on the couch. His clothes were rumpled, his hair was visibly dirty, and Evan could smell something metallic and oily on his skin from across the room. He looked like a mess, his perpetual dark undereye circles more prominent than normal.

“Hi?” Evan walked over and leaned over the back of the couch to get a better look at him. The jacket he was wearing was a tighter fit, Evan was able to see how thin his arms really were. The man really needed to eat more.

“Hi,” Connor spoke as if he was out of breath. “I should take a shower.”

“That would be beneficial, you haven’t in several days,” Zoe beeped from a speaker.

“Fuck you,” Connor shot the speaker an evil look before peeling himself off of the furniture. “Hansen, are you making dinner?”

“I planned on it, yes.”

“Zoe, alert me when there’s food.”

“Why don’t you provide for yourself for once instead of relying on others?”

Connor flipped off the ceiling as he walked away. Evan sighed before making his way to his room. He walked over to a bookshelf and grabbed a random option. He had decades worth of reading to catch up on, it might not be a bad idea to take a slow afternoon and get some of it done.

“Captain Hansen?”

Evan closed his book and looked up at the ceiling, “Yeah?”

“Connor wished for me to inform you that if you made a pasta dish he would be, “very fucking thankful” as his words were put.”

“Okay,” Evan hummed, reaching for his phone. He would have to research a dish for them to share. Usually the things Evan preferred Connor wouldn’t eat because they had meat. He might not have saved Jared, but he could protect Connor. And…make sure he had a meal sometimes.

Chapter Text

Connor hesitated to step out of the car. This was probably a bad idea. He hadn’t…it had been years.

But he needed to know if his parents were behind the explosion. His mission in the armor had changed things. This was bad. Bigger than he ever could have expected.

“You’re a pussy,” Zoe’s voice chirped from his stereo system.

“Fuck off!” Connor frowned at the speakers before getting out of the car. The last time he had gone to his parents home was the first anniversary after his sister’s death. His parents and him had been pleasant enough at first. Respectfully getting through the day that had been etched into them all.

And then comments were made. Connor wasn’t doing enough. He was wasting his talents. Why was he trying to grow out his hair? Why didn’t he ever come visit on his own? Why couldn’t he just settle down? Why couldn’t he be more like Zoe—

He had been drunk. And angry. And…of all the days to try and compare them…

Connor had told himself he wouldn’t come back. Not when his parents had turned her into some perfect princess. She had been far from it. But it was wrong to speak ill of the dead.

He unlocked the front door and walked in. Maids were keeping the place clean, but there was a lack of warmth in the house. Cynthia didn’t have her precious wax melt turned on. No half formed plans or contracts spread across the dining room table. It felt like walking into an abandoned building.

Connor made his way into his father’s office. It was almost like being a kid again. Rushing to go see him after a long flight home from school. Only for his dad to brush him off, to go out with Cynthia and his sister because they didn’t remember what day Connor was coming back. They couldn’t bring a jet lagged kid along with them.

Connor glanced around, finding that among awards and signs of accomplishment his father had framed photos of the family. Though there was a distinct lack of Connor on the walls. It wasn’t new. After…she passed. She became their focal point. Connor was just their kid when it was convenient, they never really paid him any mind.

“Okay, let’s get this over with,” Connor rounded the desk and dropped into the worn chair. He could see faded spots on the leather and was shocked his dad hadn’t replaced it. The man demanded perfection in any other instance but apparently not the chair he sat in almost daily. Connor pulled a thumb drive from his hoodie pocket and inserted it into the computer. Zoe’s programming would search the files for what he needed.

He was nosy sometimes. Connor opened a drawer to poke around, finding a legal pad on top. His dad’s bold and heavy handed writing had marked out a list of tasks. A to do list of some sort.

Engineers discuss new location/blueprints

Baseball game sign up

Meet with Sec. Ross? Ask Lana when

New York meeting July

Lana raise? Talk to Cynth

Twins 24th!!

30 day eval with Evan?

Connor frowned at the mention of his birthday. His parents never mentioned the date to him, they hadn’t for years now. Why did it matter this year? Was turning 24 a big deal to him?

Connor looked back to the screen on the computer and found a task complete pop up. He unplugged his thumb drive and turned everything off. He left the room as he had found it. Though he made sure to take a photo of the task list he had found just in case

He made his way down the hall to his mother’s office and repeated the process. On her desk was what could have possibly been their last family photo. It had been her high school graduation. Connor had skipped his last day of lectures at MIT for the semester to make it across the country in time. No one had gone to his graduation and he didn’t feel like returning the malice. It hadn’t been her fault that they hadn’t come. They had been fifteen at the time of Connor’s graduation, she couldn’t even drive.

With the other computer searched Connor could have returned home. Evan was out grocery shopping, it was how he had gotten out without his new shadow.

But something else was calling to him.

Connor made his way up the stairs. The fancy railing had been stained fairly recently, he could still faintly smell it. The hallway brought him towards his childhood room. Connor walked in and glanced around the space. He had taken most of his belongings when he had moved out at nineteen. The same simple black bed sheets he had remembered were still there. The shelves were bare, though clear of dust thanks to the housekeepers. He opened the closet and saw childhood outfits. He wasn’t sure why his parents hadn’t cleared them out. They would never fit Connor now. He didn’t want them.

Connor didn’t linger in his own room long. It wasn’t why he had come up here. He continued down the hall and pushed open his sister’s door. She had never been given the chance to properly move out. Her boxes were still partially packed as if she was still planning on going to college. The room was undisturbed, all her things were still sitting and waiting for her. Her bed was still made up with her copious amount of pillows as if she was about to jump into bed.

Connor sat on a plush rug and stared at the pale pink walls. He remembered having good times in this room.

But there were bad times too. Fights. Crying.

He sighed and slid back so he was laying down. Up on the ceiling in the corner was a night sky scene. Connor had painted it for her one Christmas. His parents had assumed that she had done it, Connor didn’t have a creative streak in their eyes. They had their artist and they had their genius. Connor wasn’t allowed to escape the bubble he had been put in as a child.

He got back up and poked around in the half packed boxes. There was nothing interesting, clothing that Connor had seen her wear in the past. One of her several record players. Connor could count three spaced around the room, four counting the one in the box. She had liked to think that listening to records made her better than everyone else.

She had been a pretentious bitch her whole life. But Connor acted like that too. They had grown up with silver spoons in their mouths, whatever they wanted they got. At least in terms of possessions. And in her case…their parents love and attention.

Under the record player was a small notebook. The cover had been doodled on a lot, glittery pens and thick markers. Connor picked it up and flipped through the pages. There were hand drawn sheets of music. Inked pages with notes and tempos scribbled out. Words were scrawled in her handwriting below each line.

Connor knew that she had always hoped for a shot at a music career. She had been playing guitar since they were seven. It was her one skill that she had fully mastered. The far wall of her room having several guitars mounted on it was evidence of it.

“Can’t let them know, ‘cause no one understands,” Connor tried his hand at reading the chicken scratch while keeping her tune. Her voice was a bit higher pitched than his, and he hadn’t bothered singing outside of his workshop in years. “Your face can show what you’re hiding in your hands.”

It was cheesy. Very much something she would write. Connor closed the book and stared at the cover some more. It felt wrong to touch it. It wasn’t his, she had been the last one to hold this book. Cheesy as they were, those words were…her’s.

He put the book in his sweatshirt pocket. No one else would notice a missing book. It wasn’t like she would be crying for Mom and Dad about him taking it this time. Connor sighed to himself before poking his head into her closet as well. Lots of purples and blues were in there, her weird obsession with stars and space wasn’t excluded from her wardrobe. He flicked through all her dresses and sweaters and flannels and…

A single black flannel caught his eye. She had never really been one for oversized clothing, but this one shirt was. Connor pulled it over his body, finding that it fit him fairly decently. He raised his arm to his nose and inhaled, catching her perfume on the fabric. It was faded. But still there. Like an older memory.

 It was another thing that no one would miss. He didn’t have her picture on his walls, but he could take this one thing. It wouldn’t remind him of her after being washed as it was.

He put things back the way they had been found and walked out of the house. He didn’t want to spend more time there, not when all that house did was remind him of her.

Connor went home and down to the workshop. He took out the snatched notebook and set it on a shelf next to a jar. He caught a glare against the glass and let himself look at the jar. It had taken…a lot of bribing to get the coroner to give him her brain. It was stupid, and weird, and he knew that he shouldn’t have it. His parents would have been outraged if they knew. But it was his way of keeping a piece of her with him. All it did was sit on his shelf, preserved in fluid.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re creepy as fuck?” Zoe asked, her hologram popping up next to him. “This shit is why Miguel doesn’t want to be your boyfriend.”

“I don’t even want Miguel to be my boyfriend, have you not been paying attention?” Connor flipped off the hologram as he walked to his desk. “Have there been any reports about the armor?”

“No. It seems that somehow you got away with breaking the sound barrier multiple times,” Zoe’s hologram zipped across the room and sat on a table. “I guess you aren’t a complete failure after all.”

“Go fuck yourself,” Connor glared at the hologram before doing his own search. He knew that Zoe wouldn’t lie to him, she couldn’t. But sometimes it felt good to do the work on his own. To remind himself that he was capable. At least to some capacity.

There were no notes of his project, no reports of a flying suit of armor. Connor and his secret was secure. For now.

He went upstairs when he got the alert that Evan was back with groceries. He kept quiet about his adventure out of the house and helped carry bags inside. Evan was growing more…convenient. Connor found himself looking forward to having him around. It was strangely nice to have someone to talk to. That wasn’t a computer recreation of…her.

“I…I had a question for you,” Evan spoke up as they were taking turns placing items in the fridge.

“What’s up?”

Evan reached for a box of tofu and tossed it between his hands. “Do…do you have any music suggestions for me? I know I’m a bit…out of style. Zoe mentioned that you have playlists that you listen to while you work, and I heard some when I walked into your workshop.”

Connor hadn’t expected that. “Yeah. I can…I’ll make a playlist and send it to you. Blind exploration isn’t your thing?”

Evan shook his head, “Not…not when it comes to music. I’ve always been one to stick to what I know. But now I’m pretty sure if I have to listen to the same songs on loop while I’m in the gym for another few days I’ll start to lose it.”

Connor didn’t question it. Evan seemed like the type to just do what he was told and nothing else. He probably didn’t even know where to start when it came to exploring music, Connor was willing to bet money that he only listened to what his parents would have approved of.

“Are there any kinds of music that you know you like? Just so I don’t make the worst playlist to exist?” Connor started loading cans into the pantry.

“Um…jazz? Not all jazz, but some jazz. Sorry, that probably makes no sense.”

Connor shrugged, “I’ll figure it out.”

Evan was still holding the tofu, “I have…no idea what to do with this.”

Connor opened a cabinet and pulled out a few spices that he knew he liked, “Frying it is always an option. I don’t eat a lot of tofu.”

“You don’t eat a lot of anything,” Zoe mocked him from the ceiling.

“Bitch, I made you,” Connor wrinkled his nose at the ceiling.

“Why are you vegetarian?” Evan went reaching for a pan, intending to start lunch for them. “I mean…is it an animal thing? Or you just don’t like meat?”

Connor didn’t like talking about his eating habits, “Um. The second one. If I’m really high sometimes I crave those packaged hotdogs? But that’s the only time I eat meat.”

Evan cocked his head to the side, “High?”

Oh dear god not this again. Connor pressed his lips into a line, “Yes. Weed is legal in California, Hansen. And like…a shit ton of other states.”

“Pot is legal? Since when? Isn’t it bad for you?”

At least he was asking questions this time. Not assuming that something was inherently wrong just because he had been told differently.

“It actually has medical uses, but I’m more of a recreational user.”

“Oh.”

Connor hummed, “Yeah.”

Connor slipped his way out of the kitchen and started back towards the safety of his workshop, “If you have questions you can always ask Zoe. I’ll be up in a bit, I have some work to do.”

Evan waved as Connor hurried down the stairs. He dropped down into his desk chair again and pulled out the thumb drive. Once the device was inserted into his computer Zoe went to work scanning the files he had searched earlier in the morning. He wanted to see if any of the previously found discrepancies were a match to his parents personal files. If they were he would know who to confront about the issue of his weapon being in the wrong place.

Or rather…his weapons being in the wrong hands.

After a few minutes of searching it was confirmed that his parents didn’t have the discrepancies in their personal files. It was good to know that his parents weren’t the primary suspect, but that didn’t mean that his search was over. He was going to figure this out, and he was going to do it before someone got hurt. His weapons were disastrous enough in the hands of his own military, he didn’t want a war with his last name associated. Not when he would be the one to pick up those pieces.

✩

Evan kept his eyes on the back of Connor’s head as they walked the halls of the hospital. He had yet to visit his parents in recovery, Evan was shocked he ended up doing so at all. He did his job and kept quiet, merely following his client around as they approached the room.

Connor pivoted back around, “Do you mind waiting in the hall for a minute?”

“Go for it,” Evan encouraged him to go forward.

Connor nodded his head and stepped into the hospital room, sliding the door shut behind him. Evan stood outside and waited. Sometimes this was what his job was going to entail, he had to get used to it. He let his eyes wander a bit, examining the hallway. Nurses came rushing by in random intervals. It was chaos, but a controlled chaos. Keeping a hospital flowing was going to be like that.

The strides modern medicine had made from when Evan had been younger still floored him. To know that things were improving to such high degrees gave him hope for the future.

“Excuse me?” A nurse approached him hesitantly. “Is…Connor in there? It was requested he meet with all the doctors if he came by.”

“Oh,” Evan turned around and stepped into the room. Connor was standing between the two hospital beds while his head kept swiveling between them. “Connor?”

“What?!” Connor initially sounded annoyed, but he ran a hand over his face as he turned around and his shoulders dropped. “Sorry. What’s up?”

Evan motioned to the hall, “Apparently the doctors want to talk to you.”

Connor and him walked back out into the hall and the nurse explained the situation again. Connor appeared drained from the idea of the meeting, but he still agreed to go. Evan offered to stay put and watch over the room while he was gone.

It was another long and boring wait. Evan didn’t dress like a typical bodyguard like he had seen in a few movies, but his stature and expression tended to be enough to scare people off. No one questioned why a scary man was guarding the two important business owners.

Evan’s sensitive ears caught a noise inside the hospital room, almost like something had hit the floor. No one was in the room outside of the guards, that kind of thump shouldn’t have been possible. He pressed his ear to the door to listen in better. Again he heard something. Clearly someone was trying to be quiet but…

Evan threw open the door, spotting the masked attacker once again. The window had been cut into, the glass forced an entry. The attacker had a knife brandished in his hand.

The Winter Soldier threw the knife at Evan before retreating. Evan slid to the side and avoided the blade. He hurried across the room and watched as the other man jumped from the building to a neighboring rooftop. Evan didn’t hesitate to follow this time.

He hadn’t jumped between buildings in a while, but he still had the ability. The impact was uncomfortable, but Evan rolled on his shoulder and kept moving. He kept his eyes locked on the masked attacker as they both sprinted.

Evan pulled his phone out while running and tapped his thumb over Miguel’s number. He wasn’t quite sure who else he could talk to about this.

“Go for Rivera.”

“This is Captain Hansen, I’m currently in pursuit of the Winter Soldier!”

“What the—where are you?”

“Currently running west of the hospital where Cynthia and Larry are,” Evan watched as the attacker jumped off the building towards the ground. The metal arm was digging into the wall to slow his descent. Evan braced himself before following. “Connor is meeting with the doctors, I had to abandon my post.”

“Take him down, I’ll be at the hospital soon.”

The call ended and Evan pocketed his phone just in time to catch himself on the cracks made by the attacker. The stone digging into his palm hurt, but it slowed his fall enough that he didn’t injure himself. Evan continued the chase down the alleyway they were in, snagging the lid off of a trash can they passed. It wasn’t a shield but it was close enough.

Evan threw the circular lid ahead, watching as the metal arm reached out and caught it before impact. They both paused, staring at each other. The attacker threw the lid back at Evan before turning and running into a small wooded area behind the buildings. Evan dropped to his knees to avoid being hit and made his way back up to follow.

He launched himself at the other man and managed to anchor himself by the boot the attacker wore. He used his strength to throw the man backwards and into the dirt. Evan got to his feet and began landing punches on the attacker. He was thrown by the metal arm into a tree, the impact sending shocks of pain through his body. But Evan was a fast thinker, and he managed to use the momentum to throw himself right back into the fight. He landed himself on the other man and knocked them both down. In the dark it was a bit of a blind fight, but some distant streetlights gave him enough visibility to at least keep his eyes on the target. Evan landed another punch to the face as he was kicked in the shin and pushed back again. Evan rolled to a stop before getting up again, finding the attacker’s mask had fallen off thanks to Evan’s force. Evan held up his fists, refusing to back down.

The Winter Soldier got up from the ground and Evan caught sight of his face in the small bit of light. He froze. His whole world felt like it had been jerked upside down.

“Jared?” Evan wasn’t quite sure he should even speak. He feared that this impossible sight would vanish.

“Who the fuck is Jared?”

The voice matched. It was gruff from lack of use but it was him. Evan dropped his fists. How had Jared lived? All the time that had passed? The cliff? He should have…he should have died—

Evan was punched in the face by Jared and thrown against another tree. Jared picked up his mask and placed it back on before running off. Evan didn’t know what to do, but he was too shocked to continue their fight.

Jared was alive. Something was clearly wrong with him, but he was alive. Somehow…he was going to get him back.

Evan made his way back to the hospital. He hurried up to Cynthia and Larry’s room and found Miguel and Connor waiting for him. The two were talking quietly amongst themselves until he walked up.

“What the actual fuck is wrong with you?!” Connor marched over and inspected in for injury. “Didn’t I tell you to not do stupid shit?!”

“I’m fine, and I had to at least scare him off,” Evan brought them all into the hospital room and out of the hall. A few agents were inspecting the damage done to the window. And slumped on the floor were the agents that were supposedly supposed to be watching over the Murphys.

“Consider them fired,” Miguel was looking to Connor while gesturing to the unconscious agents. “I’ll make sure that your parents have new, competent guards for the foreseeable future. But we should probably move them to a more secure location. Clearly this hospital can’t keep them safe.”

Connor tapped his foot against the floor, “Where do you suggest they go? This guy is clearly willing to break into wherever needed to make sure that they end up…”

Miguel chewed on his lower lip for a moment before responding. “I’d suggest my work’s main base of operations. We’re located in New York, and they would be under several layers of security while receiving care.”

Connor ran a hand through his hair as he looked over at his parents, “Fine. Whatever. Just…don’t let them die.”

“You know I won’t,” Miguel nodded his head. “Agent Valentine can discuss further details with you about the transfer.” He turned to Evan and raised his eyebrows, “You and I need to talk about what happened. Alone.”

Evan followed Miguel out of the hospital room and into what looked like a recovery room. Evan could tell that the young man was nervous, but he clearly did a good job at hiding it when around his coworkers.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Miguel let some of his genuine anxiety through once they were alone.

“He…he hits like a truck, but I’m fine. Nothing that wouldn’t heal by morning,” Evan assured him.

“Okay, good,” Miguel rubbed at his face. “I really didn’t want to risk injuring Captain within my first few weeks of being told to protect you. What did you see? Did he speak?”

“I…” Evan could feel his chest tighten. Jared was alive. He was alive and Evan could save him. “No. He didn’t say anything. But…I’m invested. I want to bring him in.”

“Bring him in? He’s a serial killer. SHIELD orders are to kill on sight.”

Evan didn’t like the sound of that, “I…fine. But I want to know everything you do about him. Anything your agency has.”

“I can’t just give you those files,” Miguel frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. “But…Connor can. His virtual…assistant. She’s fantastic, better than anything else I’ve seen.”

“How do you know about her?” Evan cocked his head to the side. “Connor doesn’t talk about her outside of the house.”

Miguel stared up at Evan for a moment, “I…Look. You’re like…my childhood hero. Okay?”

“I think that's war propaganda you’re saying you're fond of, but go on.”

“So I’m asking you to not share anything…but I was not supposed to be on this case. I had to fight for it. Connor…he and I have been pretty close since we were nineteen. I’ve done…several movie nights at his place. I was there while he was building Zoe. Trust me, she’s the most advanced piece of technology I’ve seen in my years working for SHIELD.”

“You two are friends?”

“He’s one of the most important people in my life.”

That…was unexpected. Connor had never once mentioned any friends. But it was nice to know he did interact with other people from time to time.

“Consider your secret safe.”

Miguel offered him a thankful smile, “I appreciate it. But she can get you whatever information you want a lot easier than I can. Let me know if you need any help with anything.”

They walked back out to Connor, only for the other man to begin to walk away. Evan followed him down the hallway towards the elevator. Were they leaving? Wouldn’t Connor want to oversee his parents leaving the hospital?

It was a silent drive back to the mansion. Connor was gripping the steering wheel tight in the dark, Evan could see it as they passed under street lamps. His gaze was set on the asphalt and didn’t move from the chosen target.

Once they were inside Evan drifted towards the kitchen, “Did you want me to make anything for dinner?”

Connor followed him only to open a cabinet and pull out a bottle of whiskey. “Nope. I’ve got other plans.”

“You must be desperate to get drunk if you’re refusing food before drinking,” Zoe’s voice beeped from the ceiling.

“Go fuck yourself,” Connor shot back as he set the bottle on the counter. He moved to a different cabinet and pulled out a glass. He hesitated before turning to look at Evan. “Want a drink?”

If it would keep Connor away from his heavy machinery while drunk? “Yeah. Sure.”

Connor raised his eyebrows in surprise before grabbing a second glass. “Damn. I thought you were like…some perfect saintly boy scout. Good to know Captain Hansen as an edge.”

“I’m far from saintly. My dad used to make me drink with him at dinner.”

Connor paused what he was doing, “What?”

Evan shrugged and grabbed ice from the freezer for their glasses, “Yeah. I talked a lot as a kid, alcohol used to shut me up.”

Connor set the bottle down and turned to face him properly, “Hansen. That’s–”

“It was easier that way. I was really annoying. I still am,” Evan moved to warm up leftovers from the fridge. “He…he had a saying. Children are meant to be seen, not heard. I didn’t figure it out until right before he left.”

Connor slid a glass down the counter towards him, “...You aren’t annoying.”

Evan accepted his glass while the microwave hummed behind him, “Trust me. I used to be a lot worse. I couldn’t…I could hardly get a word out when I wasn’t home. I did bad in school because I just…I still don’t know why I couldn’t talk. But at home when I was talking to Ma I didn’t shut up. My dad didn’t like that. It’s good to know people don’t act like him normally.”

When the microwave beeped Evan moved to plate up the food. He didn’t say a word as he made Connor a plate, turning around to find Connor seated at the tae with his drink. Evan set the second plate in front of him and passed him a fork before sitting across from him and beginning to eat. He was going to see if not saying anything would make Connor eat. He didn’t want him drinking on an empty stomach.

Connor picked up the fork, “Cap–Han–Evan. Did…did your dad abuse you? You keep dancing around it.”

Evan blinked a few times, “It wasn’t…no. No he didn’t. He just–it was the parenting tactic he chose.”

“Evan. He made you drink to shut you up? That’s…I know I’m a hypocrite for saying it but it’s wrong. At least I was a teenager when I started drinking.”

Evan poked at his plate, “It wasn’t like that.”

Connor stared at him, “I really don’t believe you. Fuck. My parents suck but at least they weren’t abusive.”

“I deserved it. It’s different. I know it’s not good, but–”

“No. It’s illegal. Your mom should have reported him when he left. Fuck. He’s dead and I hate him.”

No one reported that kind behavior when Evan was younger. It was just how parenting went. The wife raised the kids and took care of the house and the husband worked. And if kids misbehaved…they got the belt. Heidi had never raised a hand at him, but she had probably been through worse than him back then.

“He’s dead, I’ve moved on,” Evan mumbled. “Can we talk about something else?”

“At least he didn’t hit you,” Connor mused, refilling his glass. “Right?”

Evan just continued to eat. He didn’t respond to the question. Connor was clearly in a mood.

“Right?” Connor set the bottle down and stared directly at him. “Evan.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Connor shot up from his chair, “Zoe, can Evan sue his dead father?”

“Technically no, he would have to sue the estate.”

“I’m not doing that,” Evan wrinkled his nose. “I-I’m fine. It was ages ago. Please sit down.”

Connor sat with a huff and continued to eat his dinner. He stabbed at things aggressively and frowned at his plate. Evan silently cleared plates when they were both done and cleaned up what little mess they had made. Connor drifted out to the living room with his glass and Evan opted to follow him. He wanted to keep Connor from going down to the workshop if he could help it.

“What was it like, having an identical twin?” Evan asked, sitting next to him on the couch.

Connor didn’t respond. The other man reached for the remote and turned the television on, chewing on his lower lip. He downed his drink and refilled the glass before looking over at him.

“We weren’t even identical. We just both look like Larry.” Connor averted his eyes again and looked up at the ceiling, “Which means I’ll probably go gray at 50, I’m not looking forward to it.”

“Oh. I thought…I mean online it says that you’re identical. Sorry.”

“I mean…it’s close enough,” Connor shrugged. “Her eyes were brown. Her hair was a bit darker. She was a bit shorter. It was small stuff.” Connor sipped at his glass, “Can we not talk about her?”

“Now you know how I felt,” Evan teased him, knocking his shoulder against Connor’s. He swished his own glass as he looked absentmindedly at the glowing screen across the room. “I…I told my m…aunt. That I’m gay.”

Connor looked over, “Aunt Heidi? How…how did it go?”

Evan stared at his drink, “It went good. I never considered it an option, I’m glad she knows now that I’m aware of it myself.”

Connor turned towards him a bit, “That’s good. Good! Aunt Heidi has always been chill about gay people. She was a good person to tell.”

Conversation turned light. Connor grew less sober, openly talking more about his childhood. Evan soaked in every detail he could. Outside of his research on Zoe he still refused to learn about Connor online. So much about him was speculated or outright false, learning from the man himself was much better.

“I don’t think you get enough credit for how smart you are,” Evan chuckled. “I couldn’t even imagine half the things you’ve come up with!”

Connor beamed at him, bright in the room with low lighting, “Thanks. I…I appreciate it.”

“And for what it’s worth, I think your hair suits you. I can’t really imagine you with short hair,” Evan continued to talk. “It…it looks really nice.”

Connor set his glass down and let out a yawn, “You’re the first person to think so.”

Connor was starting to fall asleep. He was blinking slowly, his eyes glazed over. Evan stopped talking and watched as he drifted off. Connor’s weight fell against him and Evan let him rest there. He had been through enough stress lately, Evan didn’t want to ruin his peace.

After a few minutes Evan scooped Connor off of the couch and into his arms. He carried the other man down the hall towards his bedroom. Evan had yet to go inside the room, finding the dark space fairly bland. A few pieces of art on the wall stood out, but there wasn’t much character in the room. Evan managed to pull Connor’s blankets back and tucked him underneath.

He looked peaceful when sleeping. It was like looking at a different person. The perpetual frown that rested on his face was gone. He really was attractive, sharp features and all.

Evan reached out and moved a stray piece of hair so it wasn’t resting in his face. There. Now he could rest for the night.

Evan made his way to his own room and went through his nightly routine. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and set it on the nightstand. It had been a long day. A few bruises along his torso ached from the fight earlier, but they would be gone by morning.

Evan stared in the mirror at himself. His fingers outlined a clear bruise that matched the shape of the fist that had hit him. Jared was alive.

Evan hurried back to his phone and held the device in his hand. He needed to get to work. “Zoe? Can you show me all the files SHIELD has on the Winter Soldier?”

“Of course.”

Evan scanned over the first document that popped up. Everything included was vague. No details listed about who Jared actually was, or where he could possibly be located. No notion of how he had managed to not age over the past five decades.

It was frustrating, but Evan would find him. He had a second chance to save his best friend, he wasn’t going to lose it.

He was up bright and early the next morning. While on his morning run Evan let himself think back on his encounter with Jared. His brain had been rewired to practically have a photographic memory. Useful in battle but also in his own personal research. Jared didn’t appear to have aged at all other than the fact that his hair was longer. He clearly didn’t speak much, his voice had been very gruff. And his words had seemed…hesitant. Like speaking wasn’t an option. That meant that Jared was being held against his will, Jared loved to talk. It had been their dynamic as kids. Evan was the weirdo who couldn’t talk and Jared was the weirdo who wouldn’t shut up.

But why didn’t he remember Evan? Had time caused him to forget? They had grown up together, there had to be an explanation. Their childhoods together couldn’t just vanish. Maybe his powers had memory loss as a side effect. Jared clearly was more than human now, much like Evan. If someone had used a serum similar to what had been used on Evan there was a chance that something went wrong. It could even explain the lack of aging. If the serum caused him to age slowly it would explain why he looked the same.

Evan paused outside the mansion gate and pulled out his phone from his pocket. He tapped Miguel’s contact and held the device to his ear. He knew what he needed to do.

“Go for Rivera.”

“This is Captain Hansen, good morning.”

“Morning. Is everything okay? Is Connor hurt?”

“He’s fine,” Evan assured. “I need a meeting with your boss. Or rather Captain needs one. As soon as you can make it happen.”

Miguel was quiet for a moment before responding, “I’ll see what I can do.”

Chapter Text

“What the fuck am I going to do?” Connor groaned as he watched more locations pop up on his map. “Who the fuck managed to sell this many weapons? They’re everywhere!”

At least 30 different countries that the company did not have contracts with somehow had their weapons. It was too many to be theft, it had to be a purposeful sale. And considering the missing inventory he knew where the weapons were coming from.

“Flying around and destroying them is only going to be helpful in the short term,” Zoe beeped in his ear. “The company produces things faster than you can possibly destroy.”

Connor rolled his eyes as he came up on the next location. He knew his work in the armor would be fairly ineffective, but it was all he could do until he figured out how to stop the chaos.

Maybe his parents had caught on to the issue…maybe that was why they…

Connor cleared the thought from his mind as he swooped in closer to the supposedly hidden bunker. He confirmed no one was within blast radius before firing an explosive of his own and flying off. Even with the soundproofing of the armor he could still hear the loud explosion as all the weapons detonated. It was quick and dirty but Connor was getting the work done. Between armor trips and running the company he was exhausted.

“How long have I been in here?” Connor asked, hovering in the air as he tried to roll his joints while stuck in the armor.

“Almost four days.”

Shit. That explained his fatigue. And hunger.

“Let’s go home, I should probably show up for my actual job at least once this week.”

He set the armor to autopilot as he began to rocket towards home. He opted to take a nap since he wasn’t actually driving, finding that while not the most comfortable it was possible to rest in the armor. His main complaint was that he hadn’t taken into consideration how hot it would get when locked in a casing of metal flying around the world. He felt disgusting.

“Hey, you might want to see this.”

Connor opened his eyes to find that Zoe had pulled up a news feed on his HUD. Connor stared at the screen, finding a large crowd outside what looked like a city hall. Some sort of government building. Wait…

“Is that Malibu?” Connor wrinkled his nose, trying to figure out what he was looking at.

“Yes. Look who’s actually standing there, dumbass.”

Connor blinked a few times to try and clear up his cloudy vision. He felt his heartbeat increase at the sight of Miguel standing with more of his agent buddies. And Aunt Heidi. Oh fuck. His parents. And he wasn’t around—

“Top speed, I want back there now!” Connor could feel himself starting to panic. The thrusters boosted with the request. At top speed he could probably be home in an hour. Maybe sooner. “Have I had any texts regarding my parents?! Anything I missed?!”

“No. Just pay attention. If your parents were dead Miguel would have told you before publicly announcing it.”

Connor continued to watch as anxiety pooled in his system. He didn’t know what was going on. Aunt Heidi was the one to step forward to a podium with a microphone.

“Hello everyone, thank you for coming,” Heidi addressed the small crowd standing outside. “Over fifty years ago we lost a national hero. A man who…fought for the good of humanity. Captain was, and still is, revered as one of the greatest people in history. And after decades of searching…I’m very pleased to announce that he has been found.”

“What?!” Connor was freaking out in his enclosed armor. He couldn’t properly emote since his body was positioned to get him home. “No way! They found his body?!”

“Now agreeing to work with SHIELD, I’m pleased to welcome back in uniform…Captain,” Heidi turned behind her and motioned with one arm. Connor’s jaw dropped as an actual man walked out. Uniform, shield, and all. That couldn’t be real. That guy couldn’t be the original man. There was background noise of people shouting, and the man with the helmet kept quiet. This was a publicity stunt, surely. But why would SHIELD want to make a big fuss about this? Their whole schtick was secret agents.

The supposed Captain didn’t say a word. He shook hands with the agents and Aunt Heidi. And then they all went inside. The broadcast cut back to whatever home station was reporting on the event and Connor closed the feed. That couldn’t be real.

“Call M,” Connor ordered.

“Seriously, all that money and boarding school yet no manners? No wonder you’re such a failure.”

“Bitch, just do it!”

A pop up confirmed he was ringing the call and Connor tried shifting around in the armor a bit. He wanted to stretch.

“Hey, Principito,” Miguel’s voice was a relief to hear. “I’m a bit busy.”

“Bullshit, you wouldn’t have answered if you were. You know why I’m calling.”

“Do I? You don’t ever call.” Miguel was teasing him, his voice thick with it.

“Is it actually him?”

“I was shown some footage. It’s him.”

“Do we have an actual name for him?”

“No. He refuses to remove the helmet, and what bit of his face we can see can’t be identified since he was running around decades ago.”

Connor could see the edge of the coast appearing on the horizon. Thank fuck! He needed to see this!

“And he’s working with you now?”

“He specifically wants to find the Winter Soldier. After that…we’ll see.”

“You should come over tonight so we can talk about this more,” Connor felt like he was freaking out.

“Deal, but I can’t stay. Your parents are technically my current assignment.”

“Fine. See you later.”

“Bye.”

Connor was brought in over the city and he turned off the autopilot. Captain was alive. His childhood hero. Somehow despite the decades he was still standing.

He had to meet him. The secrecy of Iron Man be damned.

Connor flew over towards the building. He landed the armor at the front steps and walked inside. The armed agents were on guard, pointing weapons at him as he stepped in. And behind them was the man of the hour, talking to Aunt Heidi. They both startled at the sight of him.

“Hi!” Connor waved at the agents. He had installed a voice changer to help protect who he was under the titanium alloy casing. “I’m Iron Man.”

“You’re so pathetic,” Zoe beeped in his ear.

“Hold it!” One of the agents lowered their gun. “It’s the bogie from Greece!”

Oh so someone had seen him. Good to know.

“State your business!” Miguel was now the one barking at him.

“I heard that the hero from the 60s was back, I had to see for myself,” Connor motioned to who was supposed to be Captain. “And I wanted to offer my assistance to whatever cause the hero seemed so fond of.” Captain didn’t say a word to him. “Oh, come on hero! We thought you were dead! Nothing to say?”

Captain frowned, “What am I supposed to say to a metal man?”

Connor leaned over a bit to get closer, “Are you the real guy? Or did they just find some random bum to try and replicate the actual hero?”

“You need to back up. And come in for questioning. You’re connected to a lot of damage,” Miguel was approaching.

“And you need to mind your own business, Princess,” Connor turned on the thrusters and hovered off the floor. “I’m not here to cause trouble.”

Connor flinched as his helmet was hit. He flew back a bit from the force, watching as the shield went bouncing around the room before returning to Captain. He caught the disk effortlessly and slid it back on his arm. Holy shit he was real!

“How about we give you one more chance to leave now? Or these agents rip your iron limbs from your body?” Captain suggested. “And maybe if you listen I’ll consider your offer for assistance.”

“Ooh, an offer for a second meeting with the man of my dreams? Okay, fine.” Connor was practically vibrating underneath the metal of the armor. “You better be a man of your word, Cap.”

“I pride myself on it. Now get out of here.”

Connor waved his robotic fingers as he stepped back outside and flew away. He rocketed back to the house and into the workshop. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. Captain was actually back! The circumstances of him being alive was still in question but he was there!

Once free from the armor Connor stretched out his stiff limbs. Joints cracked and popped as he walked around the room. He felt like a kid on Christmas, he was so excited!

“This might be my childhood crush talking, but that was the hottest lower half of a face I’ve ever seen,” Connor swooned and dropped down on the workshop couch like a rock.

“You’re insane,” Zoe’s hologram appeared next to him. “If he’s the real thing he’s at least in his seventies.”

“He didn’t look it. I can’t believe M didn’t tell me sooner!”

“You should shower. You have helmet hair, and you’re disgusting. You probably smell.”

“Oh go fuck yourself,” Connor flipped her off as he walked out of the workshop and upstairs. The main floor was shockingly empty. “Where’s Captain Hansen?”

“He went out for lunch with Ms. Hansen. And there was a scheduled meeting for the security staff, he is likely still at the company property. He left his phone home today.”

“Oh. Good to know,” Connor made it up to his room and peeled off the undersuit he had been stuck in. He showered and let the hot water burn his skin. It did feel good to be clean after days of armor sweat.

He changed into casual clothes before heading back to the kitchen. As he arrived a wave of exhaustion hit him hard. He felt winded. Shit. Nausea creeped on the edge of his consciousness.

“Fuck,” Connor slid down to his knees before he hit the floor. “What’s going on?”

“You’re dehydrated again, dumbass,” Zoe spoke from the ceiling. “Not to mention you’re probably starving. You’re going to kill your kidneys at this rate.”

Connor licked his lips as he looked around, “Yeah, that could be.”

He made his way to the counters and sat with his back against them. He just needed to breathe for a minute before getting some water. He’d be fine.

“Connor?!”

Connor looked up to find Evan sprinting into the room. He had a bag over one shoulder that dropped to the floor with a loud bang. Connor winced against the noise only to blink and have Evan examining him up close.

“You look like hell!” Evan frowned at him before opening the fridge and passing him a bottle of water. “You’ve ignored me asking you to come eat for days and now you’re walking around like you haven’t seen water in weeks!”

Connor bit down on the inside of his cheek and tried twisting the cap off of the bottle. He couldn’t seem to get it. He hung his head in defeat and held up the bottle for Evan to open. Thankfully he wasn’t mocked for it.

“What the hell have you been up to?” Evan asked, passing the open bottle back before walking around the kitchen.

Connor sipped at the cold water, “Working. Can’t share the details, legal contract.”

Evan pressed his lips into a line. Connor focused on getting liquid into his body. He didn’t give a shit if his babysitter was mad at him.

He heard a thump and looked over to find Evan now seated on the floor next to him. Connor was passed a hastily made sandwich. He narrowed his eyes at what looked like slices of turkey on the sandwich.

“Oh my god, it’s plant based!” Evan knocked his shoulder into Connor’s. “I’m not an asshole!”

Connor took a bite of the sandwich, “Wow, I didn’t know you were capable of saying something not polite.”

“You scared the shit out of me!” Evan again knocked their shoulders together. “Four days! That's too long!”

The sandwich did help. Connor let himself sit on the floor for a few minutes before starting to get up. He stumbled for a moment and caught himself on the counter. Evan walked next to him as he made his way out to the living room and sat down on the couch instead.

“Your hair is a mess,” Evan wrinkled his nose at it. He was still hovering close, like Connor would collapse if he turned his head the wrong way. It almost felt pitiful. Connor raised a lazy middle finger at him. “Do you want me to grab a brush?”

He really didn’t feel like walking all the way to his bathroom for it. “Knock yourself out,” Connor mumbled before taking a sip from his water bottle. Coffee would have been more ideal but that wouldn’t be helpful given his current physical state.

Evan vanished and Connor let his eyes close. He needed a nap before Miguel showed up. He was excited to hear about how Captain was alive, but he wanted to be alert for it. If he had to ask Zoe to repeat things back she would bitch at him and he didn’t want to hear it.

“Here.”

Connor opened his eyes again to find Evan holding out his hairbrush. Connor accepted it and quickly ran it through his damp hair. There were a few nasty tangles, it was probably good that he was clearing them out before things got worse.

“…Did you hear about Captain?” Connor asked, looking over at Evan. He had chosen to sit down on the couch as well with a book. The book was shut and Evan looked over to him.

“What about him?”

Connor turned to give Evan his full attention. “That he’s alive! Aunt Heidi was the one who announced it! And I saw Agent Rivera on the broadcast so I called him. I want him to share the details.”

“Oh. Cool,” Evan hummed, not nearly as excited about it as Connor was.

“Dude, he’s a superhero. Like a real one.”

Evan shrugged, “He’s a source of propaganda. I’m sure there’s a reason he’s back, but…I don’t know who would want to be remembered that way.”

“You’re really hung up on the propaganda thing. The company that you work for makes weapons for war. Does that bother you too?”

Evan looked up at the ceiling. “I understand that war happens. That having a military is something that needs to be done. But…I will always believe that war doesn’t have to be the answer. That there shouldn’t be an expectation to fight. War rips families apart. From victims to the soldiers to their loved ones. Bad things happen, I’m not blinded by ignorance on that account. But I also don’t want to hurt people.”

Connor cocked his head to the side, “You were in the military. You were pretty successful there. You don’t just get the title of Captain from doing nothing.”

“I wish I had never enlisted,” Evan’s head turned to face him. His eyes were serious. “I didn’t have a choice in the matter. My family needed the money, I couldn’t afford to go to school, my ma had just been fired from her job because of budget cuts. It wasn’t my choice. I did what I had to do, and I made sure that she was okay.”

Connor didn’t respond. It would be very rude of him to say something. He had money. A distinguished degree. Evan had been up front from the start about how his family operated in terms of finances.

“Good point,” Connor kept his volume on the low end. “But…you have to admit that superheroes are cool. That’s just—I mean it’s a fact.”

Evan cracked a small smile, “Yeah. Sure. Super soldiers are cool.”

Connor dropped the topic and let himself zone in on the tv across the room. He didn’t ever watch new things, just rewatching what he knew he liked. It was easier to zone out and rest with familiar noise in the background. It was how he managed to fall asleep when Zoe was programmed to not mute his music in the workshop unless he was unconscious.

Connor’s eyes drifted shut and he slumped to the side. He was a deadweight, exhausted from his travel and work and poor self care. Sleep hit him hard and Connor was thankful for it.

He stirred awake slowly. He could feel something itching lightly at his scalp in just the right way. He’d be lying if he said that growing out his hair hadn’t been a tactic to try and get people to play with it. Miguel had done it the first few times they had hooked up, back when it was short. The actions were encouraged by length and Connor liked his hair being played with. Nowadays M wasn’t the most affectionate of people, but he kept up some of the habits because he cared about Connor. Just like Connor never complained that Miguel never stuck around to talk in the morning or to have breakfast together. He was a busy man and Connor respected it.

“Hey,” a voice spoke. “You should get up.”

Connor opened his eyes a bit, finding he was laying on Evan. His head was in the other man’s lap and he was turned on his side so he opened his eyes to a face full of Evan’s shirt. Connor tried throwing himself up but Evan’s arm was draped over him and stopped the movement.

“Don’t get up too fast, you’re still probably dehydrated.” Evan spoke calmly, like it wasn’t weird.

“You could have moved me,” Connor was allowed to sit up as Evan’s hand removed itself from his hair. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”

Evan merely shrugged, “You were exhausted. I don’t mind.”

Connor blinked a few times. It was…different. The casual nature. Evan was just so…nice. All the time. From meals to their conversations…it was weird to have someone in his life like that.

“Agent Rivera is at the gate,” Zoe announced, startling Connor from how he was staring at Evan.

Connor got to his feet and got the door for Miguel, finding him dressed in casual clothing for once. Every time they had seen each other recently had been…under less than ideal circumstances.

“No suit? My bodyguard is here, I don’t…” Connor wasn’t sure what to say.

Miguel shrugged, “I have to get on a plane back to New York tomorrow morning. I’m dressing casually for this. I’m just stopping in.”

Connor stepped aside and let Miguel in. Evan still had his book and offered Miguel a wave before turning his attention back to it. Connor offered drinks but Miguel declined. He had always been more of a pot user.

“So, tell me everything you know about the hero,” Connor sat back down next to Evan while Miguel took up a chair.

His childhood hero had been frozen. A Capsicle if you will. Carefully chipped from the ice and warmed back up to rejoin the land of the living. Connor hung on every detail. It revealed a lot of what Captain was capable of. Surviving extreme temperatures, a plane crash, nearly drowning. He sounded every bit the impressive hero Connor had grown up loving.

“So…like cryogenic freezing, but less cool?” Connor offered up, his knee bouncing as he thought of questions that Iron Man could ask if he ever saw the man again.

“Essentially, yes,” Miguel nodded.

Evan closed his book, “Do you think that they could have done that with the Winter Solider? Frozen him? Maybe that’s how he’s survived all this time.”

“It’s a theory,” Miguel shrugged. “We’d need proof. The team that worked to locate and defrost y—Captain…refused to talk. We only have what little footage we do because it was given to us by someone supposedly in charge.”

Connor felt something twist in his stomach. He hadn’t considered that. He had just assumed that the Winter Fuck Boy was a title passed around. But…what if it all was one man? One highly skilled man with a metal arm who wanted his family dead—

“Mr. Murphy? I’d like a word with you, if you didn’t mind,” Miguel’s tone had shifted.

Connor nodded and brought Miguel down to the workshop so they could talk alone. Maybe he wanted to talk about their personal relationship for once.

“I need a favor,” Miguel sighed, glancing around the workshop as the door closed. “From you and Zoe Two. Please.”

Zoe’s projection appeared next to Miguel, “Wow, someone wants my help? And they sound polite for once?”

Connor glared at the projection for a moment before walking over to his computer and turning them off. He didn’t want to deal with her right now. “What’s up?”

“…A robot. It’s causing damage all around, not my assignment but we’re at a loss,” Miguel sighed. “Big explosions, we don’t know why. Are you able to examine reports and have Zoe help connect things?”

He wanted Connor to track down Iron Man. Connor pressed his lips into a line, his eyes tracking to the recently renovated wall that hid the armor. It was almost laughable, how close Miguel was.

“I can try,” Connor offered up. “But Zoe couldn’t even track down Captain Hansen’s family, I think she’s lost her touch.”

“You’re a bitch!”

“Fuck you too!” Connor snapped back.

Miguel squeezed his arm, “I’ll send you the reports. Thank you, Principito. I appreciate it.”

“Whatever, don’t get soft on me,” Connor pulled him into a quick hug. “Go home and rest before your flight. Keep my parents breathing and shit.”

Miguel arched a brow, “Wow, almost sounds like you care about—”

“Out!” Connor pointed to the door.

Once Miguel was gone Connor dropped into his desk chair to get back to work. He pulled up his map and started going over all the different locations while music played from the speakers. He wanted to better plan his next trip and be more efficient in the armor. If he could prevent disaster and improve things that was a good thing. All while managing to keep his family business stable.

There was a knock at the door. Connor got up and opened the door to find Evan standing on the other side. Usually Evan didn’t directly come to him.

“I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay, you scared me earlier,” Evan explained.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Connor assured him. He moved to close the door again but Evan hesitated, his mouth partially open to say something. “What?”

Evan’s mouth closed again and he waved it off, “Nevermind.”

“No, what?”

Evan pointed into the room, “I just…the music. It doesn’t sound like it wants to kill me.”

Connor shrugged, “I’m still refining the playlist for you. Is this too jazzy for you?”

Evan shook his head, “No. I just…”

Evan trailed off again. Connor gave a pathetic wave before closing the door. He had work to do—

He flinched as Evan opened the door on his own. He was almost mad but Evan walked in and didn’t allow him to say anything.

“Dance with me,” Evan held out a hand.

Connor froze, “What?”

Evan wiggled his outstretched fingers, “There’s nothing wrong with two pals sharing a dance, and I find it to be quite relaxing. My ma and I used to put on the radio and dance after long days.”

Pals. The casual wording of it. How sincere Evan sounded. It did something to him.

Evan was his friend. Sure, he was an employee of the company, but he did far more than he had ever been hired to do. He was paid to keep Connor alive, he didn’t have to actually give a shit. But he did. Connor bit down on his cheek. He hadn’t…managed a new friend since Miguel.

Connor accepted his hand, the two of them awkwardly swaying to the jazzy tune. It felt a bit silly, but Evan seemed to be having fun. Connor yelped as the other man picked him up and spun him around. He knew that Evan was strong but he didn’t realize the man could just casually lift him.

Though that does explain how he got to bed that one drunk night…

Connor smiled, letting Evan lead them around. He wasn’t much of a dancer, but this was nice. His eyes caught Evan’s and he felt like his heart was trying to escape his chest. Maybe he was still dehydrated.

Or maybe he just liked Evan a bit more than he should.

✩

“I understand that you think it’s your responsibility to be helpful, but why work with SHIELD?” Heidi asked, the two of them sitting in the tiny lobby chairs. She had an appointment with a doctor and had asked Evan to come with.

“You made SHIELD. If I was going to trust an organization, why not the one my mother founded?” Evan picked at the skin around his nails. He hadn’t yet shared the good news about Jared. He was waiting for the right time. His introduction to the organization had been rushed, everything had been thrown together last minute. He had practically begged his mother to be the one to actually announce his return. She hadn’t been given much time to consider or prepare.

“Because you don’t have to work with an organization,” Heidi pushed. “You’re building a life, Captain didn’t need to exist in it. He wasn’t needed.”

“Heidi?” A nurse called out into the lobby.

Evan and Heidi both got up and followed the nurse. Evan kept his mouth shut as they walked through the clinic. He watched his mother’s weight be documented, actually having a number to show how frail her body was. They were brought into an exam room and her vitals were taken. Not perfect, but Evan knew not to expect perfection with her age.

“What is this appointment for?” Evan asked as the nurse shut the door on her way out.

Heidi looked over at him, “I had some labs done a few weeks ago, just hearing the results. You’re my son, I like any excuse to have you around. How has work been? I feel like we shouldn’t discuss your other affairs with people right outside.”

“Work? Oh. Right,” Evan smiled and looked to the floor. “Um. Good? Considering I forget I have a job most of the time. I’m being paid to live in a mansion, it’s great. I’d like to do a bit more, something more active, but…I like it.”

“And Connor? Is he…giving you a hard time? Parties? I figured you might meet a nice boy at one eventually…”

Connor had a reputation. One that clearly had a basis for existing, but wasn’t accurate anymore. And his mother fell into the idea. Did he keep the lie going? Connor…he admitted that his actual life was a secret to almost everyone. Maybe it would be easier to ignore that part of the question.

“Connor…he’s amazing,” Evan looked up a bit. “Sure, he’s stubborn, and has a drinking problem, but he’s so aware of himself. He’s incredibly smart, I know I think a lot of modern things are impressive but I mean it a whole lot more when it comes to Connor. And he’s strong. The things he’s told me about his life? Even now with his parents? He’s…I mean he really is incredible.”

Heidi chuckled and smiled at him, “That he is. So he talks to you? You’re close?”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded his head. “We…we’re friends. I’ve probably told him too much about my life considering…I took a nap for over fifty years.”

Heidi reached over and squeezed his hand, “Connor is a good man. You can trust him. But…maybe try to not reveal yourself to him. He had a fascination with the idea of Captain as a kid.”

Evan laughed, “Oh yeah. I know.”

Heidi joined in on the laughter, “When he was little I would watch him sometimes. Cynthia and Larry stopped hiring a nanny but Connor needed an adult around. He was on a different schedule than the rest of the family so he didn’t tag along to everything. But whenever I came over he made me tell stories about the time I “met Captain” and we had to watch the movies.”

“You were his babysitter?”

“I guess, yeah.” Heidi shrugged. “For a bit.”

“Knock knock,” A doctor poked her head into the room. “Hi Heidi. I see you’ve got a guest today, did we need to ask him to step out?”

Heidi shook her head, “No. This is my nephew, I want him with me.”

The doctor sat on a stool by the computer and logged into the system, “So. Looks like we’re following up on some labs. Did you have any personal concerns? I didn’t see anything mentioned to the nurse.”

Heidi pressed her lips into a line, “I just want to discuss what we did at my last visit. About my aging.”

The doctor nodded, “Okay. Well, Heidi, you’re not exactly getting any younger. Last year when we noted things declining more you said that you were content with that.”

Was she sick? Evan looked over with wide eyes. She hadn’t mentioned being unwell. Why wouldn’t she say something to him?

“Well, I’m not anymore. So I need to know what steps I can take to improve things,” Heidi frowned and tapped her foot against the tile.

The doctor rolled the stool so she was properly in front of Heidi. “Heidi. There really isn’t much that can be done at this point. You’re far too high a risk for any surgery, no surgeon will want to do a transplant on someone your age.”

“My heart is failing on me, I can’t have that,” Heidi pushed.

What? Why hadn’t she ever said something?! Evan could feel a gross feeling in his stomach. He didn’t want to hear that things weren’t going well, but he had to sit down and be quiet so he could learn. He had to be there for her. She had given everything to bring him home, he couldn’t sit back and let her be alone.

“Heidi, you’ve lived a very long and productive life. I’m afraid to say that time eventually comes for us all. No one can live forever.”

“I’ll sign contracts, whatever you need–”

“Heidi.” The doctor took her hand and squeezed. “Putting you under is more risky than letting life take its course. You aren’t going to die tomorrow, you’re a very put together woman, especially for someone your age. Think of this as your chance to get your affairs in order. You have time to talk and love and eventually say goodbye. I know it sounds grim, but you have more time than you think. You’re doing everything you should, but bodies don’t last forever. Take your nephew, he’s how old?”

“Twenty one,” Heidi replied.

“Twenty one,” Evan echoed her.

“So you’ve had that many years together, and you’ve got enough time to do whatever you may want to experience with him.”

“I’m supposed to have more time though,” Heidi sounded heartbroken. Evan hated to hear her upset. He hadn’t seen her this saddened since the day they got his letter stating that he had been drafted. She gave everything she had to those around her, she didn’t deserve to be hurt.

“From a medical standpoint there isn’t much I can do, you take your meds and you take care of yourself.” The doctor rolled back to her computer. “Is there anything else I can help with? Questions?”

They both shook their heads. The doctor went over the lab results, how numbers seemed to be trending compared to the last time they had been taken. Evan and Heidi seemed to be thinking the same thing. They didn’t have a lot of time. Evan had known from the moment he woke up that things would be different. But he wasn’t ready to lose his mom.

The drive back to the house was quiet. Evan followed his mother into her kitchen and glanced around. She had started displaying more photos. Snapshots of them they had taken the time to capture now that he was back. She displayed more from her time with the Murphy family. A photo of Heidi with her hair just barely still blonde smiling next to Cynthia in a hospital bed. The twins bundled in pink and blue in their mother’s arms. Evan held the picture in his hands and smiled. Even in the picture from infant stages Evan could see what would eventually become Connor’s perpetual frown. Pissed off was his default expression. Or at the very least annoyed.

“I did think I would get better news than that,” Heidi huffed. “I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have brought you with if I had known it–”

“Ma, I’m not stupid,” Evan set the photo down and walked over to her. “C’mon, you’re more old than the neighbor who always gave us special holiday cookies. Mrs. Barnes? Was that her name?”

Heidi nodded, “Mrs. Barnes and her attempts to make us celebrate Christmas. I’ve aged much better than her.”

Evan took her hands in his and squeezed them, “I…I actually have good news? If you want to hear it? It might make you feel better?”

Heidi squeezed his hands back, “Go for it. You went on a date? Met someone nice?”

Evan couldn’t help but beam a bit at the knowledge he was about to share, “Jared is alive.”

Heidi went pale in the face, “What?”

Evan nodded his head in excitement, “He’s alive! It’s why I’m working with SHIELD! With their help I might actually get to bring him home!”

“No. Jared died–”

“Yeah, I thought so too!” Evan was practically bouncing in place. He let her hands go so he could grip the counter top as a way to ground himself a bit. “But I saw him! Ma! He’s alive and he’s good. Well, not good. He’s the Winter Soldier. But I can bring him home!”

She didn’t grin. Didn’t give a single notion that the news brought her any joy. Her second son, his best friend, was alive and she couldn’t bring herself to smile. Instead she frowned. Heidi crossed her arms over her chest.

“You fought the Winter Soldier again? I told you to run away–”

“He was trying to kill the Murphys,” Evan defended his actions. “Did you not–why aren’t you happy? Jared is alive!”

“No. Jared is dead. I told you to never approach that monster again and you didn’t listen.”

Evan felt gears click in his head. He felt his stomach turn. He wanted to be wrong. But…

“You already knew, didn’t you?”

Heidi avoided looking at him, finding her kitchen sink more interesting. “I went on a lot of personal missions to try and find you. A few times that brought me to some scary locations.”

“You’ve known he’s alive this entire time and you didn’t tell me?!”

“It isn’t him, Evan,” Heidi whipped back around to face him. “Is that what you wanted me to say? Welcome to the new world Evan, your mother is about to drop dead and your best friend has been body snatched by a monster who only cares about taking lives?” Tears welled up in her eyes. “I felt so much hope. It was as close to finding you as I had ever been, I felt like crying. One of my babies was back and he looked okay. And then he shot my fellow agents without even flinching. Five trained agents, with lives to return to. All gone before I could even think to call out his name.” She wrung her wrists as she looked to the floor. “He had the gun to my head too. He was going to do it. But the ammo ran out. And his master called him back. They left me to tell the story. A warning.”

Evan bit down on his lower lip. He was feeling a lot of things and didn’t want to say the wrong thing. It hurt to know that she had been keeping him from the truth. She had been trying to lead him away from Jared. But he could save him. He could get Jared back. He knew it.

“It might look like him, but he’s gone,” Heidi stated. “And he will kill you if you give him a chance. He will think of three hundred different ways to end your life before he could even register that you were ever something other than a target for him. I’ve examined him over the years, or at least the damage he’s caused. Ever since I learned what happened to him. He’s a husk, an empty shell that only knows how to listen to whoever controls him and kill.”

“Then why hasn’t he killed me yet?” Evan asked. “He’s had more than one chance now.”

“You aren’t exactly the average target–”

“Or maybe my friend is still in there,” Evan backed towards the front door. “Good talk, Ma.”

“Evan–”

“I’ll be back for brunch,” Evan assured her before walking out. He needed some time away from her. To think things over. Jared was going to come home. It wasn’t a possibility anymore, it was a fact. Evan would make it happen.

He made his way to the Murphy Industries property. Maybe some time standing guard outside of Larry’s office was exactly what he needed. Evan took a few deep breaths as he walked inside and made his way to the office. He found his usual spot and stared out the window. Connor was in the office, talking with someone. He could hear him. All the confidence he had seemed a bit strained whenever he was talking to someone as standing CEO. It was interesting to see how scared he was to mess up. Evan knew the feeling. Imposter syndrome was always around, especially when his body didn’t feel like his own half the time. Evan had been transformed into the peak of human potential, and probably beyond that. In his mind he was still that sickly kid from Brooklyn. The mirror told him otherwise.

“Thank you Mr. Murphy,” the door to the office opened and the employee stepped out. Knowing the room was empty Evan stepped inside. Connor had the desk covered in papers and had a laptop resting on top of them. His hair was tied back from his face with a big clip. The big clips did look nice in his hair, Evan approved.

“Hi,” Evan approached the desk.

Connor looked up with a bit of a frazzled look on his face. “Hey. Hansen. How’d the appointment go for Aunt Heidi?”

Evan didn’t want to think about that. “Fine. Are you okay?”

Connor drummed his fingers against the desk, “Contracts are bullshit, I don’t want to fuck over the company.” Connor pulled out his phone from his pocket, Evan noting he had worn something that wasn’t black for once. A deep red blazer sat over a black turtleneck. Red looked good on him. He hadn’t been wearing the blazer when they had sat down for breakfast earlier in the morning. “Do you know anything about baseball?”

Evan was jolted from his analysis of Connor’s apparel, “What? Oh. Yeah. I love baseball. Dodgers all the way.”

Connor cocked his head to the side, “Aren’t you from Brooklyn?”

“They used to be the Brooklyn Dodgers, history lessons don’t end after high school for you apparently,” Evan smirked at the other man.

“Fuck, that was like the 50s, Evan. You’re such an old man sometimes.” Connor chuckled at him. “Anyway. Do you want to do me a huge favor?”

“Of course.”

Connor arched a brow at him, “I didn’t even say what it was.”

“I presume it’s baseball related.”

Connor set his phone down and stood up, leaning over the desk to get a bit closer. “So. My dad hosts a company game every summer. Alana sent out an email to find out who is participating.”

“Yeah. I signed up.”

Connor rolled his eyes, “Shut up, I forget you work here sometimes. Anyway, my dad usually hosts the practices. Obviously he can’t do that this year. I was wondering if  you could host the practices. I’ll be there for moral support, but I’m a useless twig and no one wants to see me attempt to throw a ball. I played tee-ball for a single day when I was five because my dad made me. I spent the whole thing just sitting in the grass.”

Evan placed a hand over his heart, “It would be my honor.”

Connor flipped him off, but he was sporting a smile while he did it. “Fuck off. First practice is tonight, we can go after dinner. It’s hot as fuck out and I’m not wearing my nice clothes for this.”

“Stop wearing sweaters then, it’s June,” Evan quipped back.

“Shut up! You wear hiking boots all the time!”

“They’re tactile!”

“Go review the goddamn player roster! Lana will have it for you!”

Evan turned on his heel and started towards the door. He made his way to the handle and stepped out into the hall.

“Evan!”

He turned again to face Connor. He was still standing at the desk.

“Thank you.”

Evan smiled, “You’re welcome.”

Evan spent the afternoon reviewing things for the practice with the information Alana gave him. He started dividing people into teams, not exactly shocked that a company full of chemistry and engineering majors didn’t have the highest interest in baseball. It was a decent turn out, enough people that they could actually play two separate games if they wanted. According to Alana that was usually what happened, so Evan continued on.

He sent out an email to those who had signed up showing what teams they were going to be on while Alana sent out a survey to figure out what people would want to eat at the game. It was apparently company tradition that the entire event was treated almost as a big barbeque. It sounded nice, Evan was happy to be involved.

“Fuck, you’re actually into this?” Connor poked at his dinner as they sat next to each other at the table. “Trees and baseball? That’s your thing? Along with being the youngest old man ever?”

Evan shrugged, “I guess. It’s kind of fun. I…I wasn’t exactly sporty as a kid. I got sick a lot, but turning on the radio to listen to a baseball game was always fun.”

“Radio for baseball?”

“No television, remember?”

Connor rolled his eyes, “Fuck, your family was weird. Did your military degree have something to do with trees?”

Evan took a sip of water before answering, “I don’t have a degree. I never went to school.”

“What? But the military pays to educate people!”

“I was educated in the hell of war. I had assignments.”

Connor smacked his hand down on the table, “Why did you let so many people fuck you over? Evan, people join the military for the college degree. It’s their fucking advertising campaign now. Why the fuck didn’t you–”

“It wasn’t an option at the time, okay?”

Connor held up his hands in surrender, “Okay. Fine.” Connor took another bite of his dinner. “But we are revisiting the college thing at a later date.”

Evan cleaned up dinner with Connor before going upstairs to change. He didn’t want to show up to a baseball practice wearing khakis and a polo shirt, no matter if he had the ability to move in them. Instead he wore joggers and a random blue shirt he found in his dresser. Connor met him at the front door also changed. A black flannel over a worn out gray t-shirt. Still long sleeves, the man didn’t have arms as far as Evan was concerned, but much thinner material.

Practice was fun. Running around the rented field with coworkers, even Alana joined in. Connor didn’t seem to feel comfortable standing in the field, but he sat in the stands and watched over. A silent watcher as everyone else participated. Part of Evan didn’t like being that far from Connor in such a public open area. It felt unsafe given how things had been trending. Miguel had last reported that Cynthia and Larry seemed to slowly be improving, but it was clear that their presence was missed among their employees.

“Come on!” Evan motioned for Connor to join them as they started batting practice. “At least try!”

“Connor, I’m garbage at this!” Alana joined in. “Please?”

Connor threw his head back and groaned, “Fuck! Fine! I’ll try one time!”

The group cheered as Connor walked down from the stands to join them. Evan was pitching and held up one hand in triumph as Connor accepted the bat from Alana. The employees started chanting Connor’s name as he readied himself to bat. It was silly, but honestly very sweet of them.

Evan tossed the first pitch to Connor, watching as he swung late and missed. The ball made contact with the chainlink behind them. It was passed back to Evan and he tried again. A slower pitch. He didn’t need to be aggressive, no one was as strong as him.

The ball just barely hit the tip of the bat, veering off from intended course but technically still in play. Alana cheered and Connor laughed.

“Now run!” Evan called out. “Pretend it’s an actual play!”

Connor flipped him off before sprinting around the bases. He was actually very swift. A good runner. Connor slowed as he hit the home plate again, bracing himself against the fence as he caught his breath.

The practice was fairly short. Everyone was taught or retaught the basics, everyone attempted batting, and then it was over. It was a company get together, it wasn’t a big deal. They would have one or two more practices just to make sure everyone was on the same page.

“Give it to me straight, Coach,” Connor looked over as they were driving home. “How fucked am I at baseball?”

“You honestly aren’t that bad,” Evan was honest. “I think if it was your calling and you liked it? You could totally be a pro.”

“Bullshit–”

“I’m serious. You’re really talented. I think you could do anything if you set your mind to it.”

They stopped at a red light. Connor tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. It grew quiet, Evan didn’t want to break the silence.

“Thank you. For everything you’ve done for me,” Connor’s voice was soft.

Evan reached for Connor’s hand and removed it from the steering wheel so he could squeeze it. “Of course. Anytime.”

The light turned green and they continued the drive home. Evan forgot to let go of Connor’s hand for a long moment. He didn’t seem to mind.

Chapter Text

“What if I just shut down the weapons department?” Connor offered up, spinning in his desk chair. He was staring at his map of known misplaced weapons, finding that—as predicted—they popped up faster than he could destroy. “I shut everything down, hold an active investigation with the police, and I destroy everything as Iron Man before we open things up again. Is that an option?”

“You don’t have the authority to do that,” Zoe beeped while her projection rocked in an idle animation.

“I’m standing CEO.”

“And unless your parents actually die you can’t make that big of a decision without board approval.”

Connor stopped spinning and picked up his coffee mug from the desk, “And if I give Miguel the correct information to target the company for me?”

“Government takeover of the company, and no doubt they will seize all information regarding Iron Man from you in the process. It would be an ugly fall from what little grace you have. A shame considering some people actually respect you a bit now.” Zoe walked over to him and sat on the desk. “Y’know, because you haven’t ruined shit yet. Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles.”

“So I’m powerless?”

“Pretty much.”

Connor slouched in his chair and switched focuses. He had a personal project that was coming up fast. It was a first for him. He had never garnered enough respect for a project fully his own. He was known as a kind of mad alcoholic scientist. People treated him as such. But…he had hope that this would change things. Slowly.

While he worked on the project he had the house security cameras pulled up. Evan was working out in the gym, Connor was keeping tabs on him. He was such a powerful individual, emotionally and physically. Connor admired him for both.

“Do you want a sock? You’re paying him more attention than your stupid little craft project.”

“Fuck off!” Connor whipped a paintbrush at the projection. “You make me sound so creepy!”

“You’re watching him workout from a security camera. You are creepy.”

“It’s not creepy! It’s—” Connor glanced at the screen again. Okay, maybe it was creepy. He clicked off the camera feed and returned to his work.

He turned up the music in the workshop and let himself get lost. Art had always been his shameful escape. From a young age he had been shoved into a box labeled gifted and it was all he had been allowed to be. Excelling in school, skipping entire grades. He had been in high school by age twelve. But he had learned to draw on his own, and like most skills he tried…he was good at it. He filled his own home with pieces of his creation as an adult. He knew a lot of artists didn’t like their own work, but Connor did. Mostly because in a way it was taboo of him to create such pieces, but also because he did a good job. If it had been allowed he might have pursued a degree…but he was a genius first. Programming and building were his priority.

The armor…it was almost a way of blending all his skills. If he had wanted to play it smart he would have kept the armor neutral. Maybe painted the whole thing black. A shadow in both appearance and action. Instead he had kept it a bit ostentatious. The bright red and gold armor was fun. He liked that it made a statement of sorts. There was a part of him that wanted whoever was behind this to know that he was coming.

“Alana sent an email. Looks like she wants you to join her for dinner.”

“She knows I’m supposed to stay home, right?”

“A few board members are hosting. It would be in good faith if you went. You don’t want them to think you’re incapable of a dinner party.”

“You just complimented me on not ruining shit—”

“Keeping a stable company afloat is nothing,” Zoe walked up to him and her projection flickered. “You haven’t interacted with board members before. You hardly ever touch the office. As far as they know you’re just a washed up rich boy wasting away while spending Mommy and Daddy’s money. Which…you are.”

“I…” Connor looked down at his feet. “I’m trying.”

“You’re not a good person, you know it. If your parents weren’t out of the picture you would be drinking yourself away. A pity considering what happened to her.”

“Fuck off.”

“Do you remember all the times you screamed at her? You like to do it to me now. And I’m not even real.” Zoe stuck her arm out and the projection broke as Connor’s chest got in the way. “You’re pathetic.”

Connor set his brush down and stomped away from his art piece, “Fine. I’ll go to the stupid dinner.”

Zoe’s projection waved at him as he marched towards the door, “A wise decision.”

Connor wound his way up to the kitchen and snagged a water bottle resting on the counter. Evan had recently taken to raiding his cabinets for all the reusable water bottles in the house, stashing them around the places he knew Connor frequented. At first Connor had been annoyed by it, but waking up at three in the morning with a hangover and seeing the water bottle on his nightstand had taken the edge off. For once the babysitter tendency didn’t actively piss him off.

Part of him was mad at how quickly he had taken to Evan. Captain Tree Lover was actually a welcome sight. He didn’t want to be expecting Evan to make him dinner or for the two of them to sit in silence in the morning as they each had a cup of coffee. Connor would scroll through his work related news while Evan read a book.

Connor glanced over at the counter and spotted Evan’s current morning reading resting near the coffee maker. Easy access for the morning. What a nerd.

Was it wrong of him to find Evan attractive? Connor couldn’t help it if the other man was checking all of his boxes.

Maybe he was just basic for having such low standards. Hot muscle man, completely aloof to his very public life, caring and willing to learn, and his ass. Connor was not an ass man but he would never deny—

“Hey.”

Connor flinched and nearly dropped his water bottle. Evan had appeared out of nowhere. He still had tape over his knuckles from beating up a punching bag. His hair that normally was styled to be up and out of his face had drooped down from sweat. Plastered across his forehead.

Sweaty people were gross, why did he think it was hot?

“Hey,” Connor parroted back before taking a drink from the water bottle. “Apparently I’m going to a dinner party that some board members are hosting.”

“Sounds like you aren’t looking forward to that,” Evan noted, peeling the tape off of his hands.

“I’ve been avoiding the board like the goddamn plague. My parents tolerate my bullshit because they made me, these people only care about money. They’ll tell me to my face what I should do with the company to best line their pockets.”

Evan pressed his lips into a line before shrugging, “My mother always says it’s better to be rich than poor.”

“Your mom has clearly never been rich before,” Connor shot back. Sometimes he wanted to give it all up and live in a dumpster.

“Well, you’ve clearly never been poor,” Evan quipped at him. Connor let out a small laugh, not expecting that kind of response from Captain Boy Scout. Evan’s eyes grew wide as he processed what he had said, “I’m so sorry! That was mean!”

Connor gave a dramatic pout, “No! I was impressed! You’re ruining it!”

Evan smiled, bright and nearly blinding. Why was he so…interesting? Evan was boring as hell but Connor couldn’t help but find that he itched his brain in just the right way. He set the water bottle down before turning to head towards his bedroom.

“Get ready, nothing fancy,” Connor ordered, shooting finger guns at Evan. “I don’t want to give those bastards the satisfaction of seeing my bodyguard dressed like he’s only ever known wealth. We ruin them with your redneck energy.”

Evan wrinkled his nose, “I’m from fucking Brooklyn.”

“Language!” Connor faked a gasp and pressed a hand to his chest in mock disgust. “Evan, you didn’t know what Wikipedia was when we met.”

“Fine,” Evan held up his hands in defeat before walking towards his room.

Connor changed out of his stained clothes for a clean set, opting to wear a faded and worn shirt with the MIT logo on it. He stared at himself in the mirror and pondered just leaving it with the simple short sleeves for once. It would make the board more annoyed if he did.

Instead Connor went digging for a thick black cardigan and pulled it over his arms. He pulled his hair back and twisted it around before throwing it into a claw clip so it stayed out of his face. It was casual, probably far too casual. But Connor wanted to make sure they stopped inviting him to things.

He washed paint and motor oil off of his hands before throwing on rings for all of his fingers. If he switched the cardigan for that worn out vest tucked somewhere in his closet he would almost look like he was a teenager again.

Evan emerged not long after him. Changed out of his gym clothes and into Connor’s favorite jeans of his and a simple green shirt. A matching breezy button up was thrown over the shirt, though it remained open. It looked good on him. The jeans were helping.

“You look like a watermelon,” Connor stated, reaching for the hem of the striped button up.

“Oh,” Evan looked down at his appearance. “I can change—”

“No,” Connor caught his wrist before he could leave. “It’s not a bad thing. You look great—green is a good color on you. Watermelon shirt is a good thing.”

“Oh, um, thank you,” Evan offered him a smile. The grin grew a bit wider as his eyes met Connor’s. “Wow. An actual compliment? That’s rare.”

“Oh fuck off,” Connor rolled his eyes and started towards the door.

The route to the dinner party was already pulled up when they got into the car. Connor drummed his fingers against the steering wheel to the beat of the music playing from the speakers. He liked driving, found it peaceful. He slipped a pair of sunglasses on and let himself enjoy the ride. He would need something nice to happen today, he already knew the dinner wouldn’t be it.

“And I thought your house was huge,” Evan mumbled, staring up at the mansion they were arriving upon. “This might be bigger than my whole apartment complex growing up.”

Connor turned off the car and stepped out, “I always look like the greedy asshole until you meet the board members. Let’s hope this goes fast.”

Evan followed behind him as Connor walked up the veranda. Before Connor could even knock on the front door it was opened. A proper butler stood inside.

And okay…Connor had grown up with house staff. There had been a nanny for a few years, and his parents had maids. But they didn’t ever dress like a butler from television. The cleaners wore practical clothes because their job involved a lot of work. This butler was dressed in a whole suit like a foreign prime minister was coming to dinner.

“Mr. Murphy, I presume?” The butler didn’t really emote.

“And my…security, yes,” Connor nodded.

The butler stepped aside and let them in. They were brought through the massive house and up a grand staircase. There was a second story to the veranda on the back of the house, and it looked like board members were all chatting outside. Still in dress clothes, but a lot more casual than Connor had been expecting. Still, Evan and him were in jeans.

Alana was chatting with a board member and beckoned him over. Connor made the journey with Evan a handful of paces behind.

“Connor!” Alana waved at him in greeting. “We were just discussing how things have been going since you’ve taken over.”

“How are your parents doing, young man?” The older woman they were chatting with pouted with her lower lip. “I heard they left California.”

Connor didn’t want to admit that he wasn’t visiting, “They’re under a lot of security. Recovery takes time.”

“Of course,” the woman squeezed his shoulder in support. “We hope to hear more soon.” She glanced at his outfit and her fake pleasant smile grew a tad strained. “Aren’t you hot? This heat is brutal.”

He was warm, yeah. Like hell he would take off the cardigan, it was the only thing he had that looked a bit professional. “Oh, I’m fine. Thank you for asking.”

The woman laughed, “Oh my, you’re much more polite than I thought.” She leaned in a bit as if to keep the conversation private. “It’s good to know your parents didn’t mess up in raising you. We all thought you were a wild animal, but you clearly have potential.”

Connor’s fingers twitched, he had an urge to flip her off. Instead he plastered his own fake show boy smile. “Oh. Good to know.”

Alana tried jumping to his aid, “Connor and I have been discussing what we want to bring up at our next meeting. I feel like this could be a good preview for when he properly takes over the company.”

“Yes, a grand idea, I’m sure,” she didn’t seem interested in Alana anymore. “Y’know these past few years have been terrifying for us? I mean with the news of your…lifestyle. You never attended any of the company events, your parents said you only ever emailed your patents? And with how hard your parents were pushing Zoe to take over? We all thought you were a lost cause.” She patted Connor’s cheek. “But you’re a bright man. You’ll make a fine CEO with our guidance. You just need that. Guidance. I’m sure you’ll do well, you’ll make your sister and parents proud.”

Connor fought the urge to pick a fight, “I hope so. Excuse me, I haven’t grabbed a drink yet.”

Connor scurried away and grabbed a wine glass from a passing tray. Not his first choice, wine usually made him cry, but it was alcohol. As Connor took a drink he spotted a grill, and a smaller group of the board members standing around it. He could see steaks being prepared. Shit.

Connor turned around and looked to Evan, “I think we should leave.”

Even cocked his head to the side, “We just got here.”

Connor motioned with his head back towards the grill, “I don’t think it’s public knowledge that I’m a vegetarian. I won’t be able to eat that. And they’ll think it’s insulting if I refuse to eat.”

Evan looked to the grill and then back to Connor, “Surely with how weird diet culture is now there has to be someone who also doesn’t eat meat.”

“Maybe, but these people don’t know me—”

“Connor,” Evan placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’m saying this as the worst overthinker in the past seventy odd years, you don’t need to overthink this. You’re fine.”

Connor looked to the ground, “Okay, fine.” He looked back up at Evan and chuckled. “Why’d you say seventy? Why not round up to an even century?”

Evan was quiet for a moment before shrugging, “Weird number to make you think about it. Now go wow these people. Show them how wrong they were to ever doubt you. Prove to them what I already know.”

A lot of the board members had similar things to say about him. Many commented on how he had potential. He received a lot of looks for his choice of attire. And he heard at least five times about how he reminded them of her when she attended her first meeting as an adult.

It was no secret that his parents had intended for her to take over. Connor knew his place. They were going to give her a few years, let her pursue her music passion for a while, but she had still been trying to earn a business degree. She would be the CEO when their parents retired. She would run the business, Alana had been hired so she would have help from someone around their age. Connor was going to be given his share of the company stock and be treated as a contractor. Paid based on what he created and earn a percentage based on the success of his designs. And he had been fine with that.

But then…that changed.

Connor was thankful to have Evan and Alana sitting on either side of him. It was a much needed buffer from the others at the table. The sun was hot and beating down on them all. He had no idea why they were eating outside.

Connor felt his stomach clench as he was served a plate. A steak smack in the center.

“Connor, we were hoping to discuss your image,” one of the board members spoke up while everyone began eating. “You are currently the face of the company and will be for much of your life.”

“My image?” Connor didn’t know what they meant by that.

“Your parents said they would talk to you about it, but we wanted to in case they don’t get the chance.” The old man continued talking. “For starters…you need to stop having these flings—”

Connor rolled his eyes at the comment. He didn’t even sleep around. It was all a bunch of rumors because he used to go clubbing when he was in college. He had flirted with girls as a cover. It was an act.

“Don’t disrespect me, it won’t be tolerated.” The old man wasn’t pleased with the eye roll. “We appreciate you already working on this problem since your parents have been unwell, but we need better from you.”

“No more strippers, no more call girls, you’ve got it,” Connor held up his hands in a faux surrender. The older people at the table were visibly disgusted by his choice of words. A bit funny considering he could probably find evidence of at least half the group cheating on their spouse with a sex worker.

“You’re nearly 24, you should find a nice girl and settle down.” The old man pressed on.

Connor managed to hold back the sass. He wouldn’t out himself to these idiots.

“The hair, it’s not flattering,” the woman he had been speaking to earlier added her two cents. “You’re set to inherit a weapons company, you don’t need to look like less of a man.”

Connor pressed his lips into a line, “I’m sorry?”

“Appearance does not dictate who someone is,” Alana spoke up for him. “You’re the same group who welcomed Zoe when she dyed her hair indigo. What is the point of this dinner? I was told we were here to celebrate.”

“We are making sure that Connor understands the expectations of Murphy Industries, Ms. Beck. Expectations that would be wise of you to remember.”

“Last I was aware none of you had the last name of Murphy,” Evan stood from his seat, Connor staring wide eyed at the other man. “Unless my understanding is wrong, you don’t get to set those expectations.”

Connor appreciated the defense. But part of him had been expecting this. They couldn’t make demands of him at an actual meeting. Those were recorded. A part of his parent’s recent initiative to be more transparent with both the employees and the general public. It had been an idea pitched by her in the beginning but only came into effect after her death. Other staff members could listen to what they said. It’s why this was an unofficial event. There were no rules in place at a spur of the moment dinner. It had been the perfect opportunity to call him out or try to say anything about him.

“Captain, sit down,” Connor didn’t let him say anything more.

Evan sat back down and stared at his plate. He felt bad for sounding harsh, but Evan could risk getting fired if the board disliked him enough. If they complained to his parents…not even being related to Aunt Heidi would save him. At least not forever.

Sometimes he really hated the family business.

“I understand why you’re concerned, I have a reputation,” Connor spoke mostly towards the plate across from him at the table. “Please trust I’ll do what I can to quell your worries. And know that I’m much younger than you, and a simple thing like a hair style or fashion preference doesn’t dictate my faith in this company. I’m not cutting my hair, but for formal events I’ll dress better than I have tonight.”

His words seemed to please his elders around the table. Connor took in a breath before beginning to eat. He avoided the meat on his plate and chose to focus on the various sides. He flinched as he felt Alana reach for his arm to squeeze in support. He would have been much worse off without her. She was…his saving grace. And yet he hadn’t even told her where his parents were. He knew his parents saw her as family, more so since…the accident.

He was really shitty to her in general, and he felt bad about it. It was getting better, but he was far from perfect.

“Is there something wrong with your steak, Connor?” The board member across the table noticed him acting picky. “Overdone? Not enough? It can be remade.”

Shit. Connor took a drink of his wine to put off answering. He was a fucking coward. “No. No, I just—”

“Agent Rivera of SHIELD is calling,” Zoe’s voice crackled from his phone loudly. His phone was on silent, that never happened without him prompting her first.

Connor pulled out his phone and saw that Miguel was actually calling. He stood and backed towards the doors inside. “Excuse me, this could pertain to the attack.” Connor walked inside and down a hall so he was out of sight before answering. “What’s up?”

“Hey. How soon can you get to New York?” Miguel’s tone sounded a bit urgent.

“Why?” Connor tapped his foot against the fancy stone tiles.

“Your parents, obviously! I never call you to come to my place for booty calls.”

Connor rubbed at his eyes, “You told me they were getting better—”

“Look, you should just get here. As soon as you can.”

“God, fuck you, M,” Connor looked up at the ceiling. “Give me a few hours.”

“I’ll have a driver at the airport waiting once I get your flight information.”

Connor ended the call and stared at the screen. His parents were dying. Miguel wouldn’t ask him to come if he didn’t think they…

Fuck. He wasn’t ready for this.

Connor took in a breath to calm his nerves a bit before walking back out to the upper veranda. Alana was quietly talking with a board member while Evan went ignored by the group. He approached his seat before looking at Evan.

“Hey,” Connor forced his voice to remain emotionless. He didn’t want to freak out in front of the people who just openly mocked him for how he acted. “We need to go.”

Evan looked up, “The attacker—”

“We can talk about it in the car, let’s go.”

Evan stood and they both walked out. Connor clenched his jaw as he walked through the mansion and kept his hands in fists. He had to make it to the car at least. But emotion was building in his chest.

“Connor!”

He turned to find Alana hurrying down the stairs to catch up. She made her approach and stopped him by the door.

“What the hell is going on? Can I get some context?”

Connor kept his voice low, “Agent Rivera asked me to come to New York as fast as I could, it’s where my parents are. I…I can’t say for sure if they’ll make it, Lana.”

She threw her arms around him and he tensed up. He hadn’t taken her for a hugger. He patted her shoulder until she backed up.

“Keep me posted,” Alana rightened her glasses before speaking. “I’ll fly out for the weekend either way.”

Connor nodded, “Thanks.”

The ride back to the house was silent. Connor gripped the wheel tight and didn’t allow himself to think. Maybe Miguel just wanted him to check in for once. He could let himself believe that. It was better than the other more likely option.

“Connor—”

“Pack a bag,” Connor whipped his head over to Evan while they were stopped at a light. “Maybe you’ll have time to visit your family.” The light turned green and Connor turned his eyes back to the road. “Fuck knows I wouldn’t want to hang around and wait for someone to croak.”

Evan looked out his window, “I haven’t…I haven’t been home since I…” Connor watched him look down at his hands before his head whipped back up. “Uh, since I finished my basic training. It’s been years.”

Connor rapped his fingers against the steering wheel, “Then it’s your lucky fucking day.”

Connor stomped into the house and detoured to the workshop first. He shut himself inside before sliding back against the door and to the cold tile floor.

“They aren’t dead yet, dumbass,” Zoe’s projection rolled animated eyes at him.

“Go fuck yourself!” Connor ripped off a shoe and chucked it at her. It scattered the projected image for a moment as it passed through before a loud clang sounded off from the stray shoe hitting a workbench.

He pulled off the cardigan before completing the slide to the floor and laying down against the stone. The cold sent goosebumps down his now exposed arms, but in a way it was grounding. Connor lifted one arm up to block out the bright ceiling lights and stared at his skin. Sometimes it was tempting. He wanted to return to that old habit. He wanted to feel something for once in his life.

Connor lowered his arm and clenched his jaw. He had managed five years without. He could keep the streak going.

He could get up off the floor, fix his hair so pieces weren’t getting in his face, and handle himself. He was a grown ass man, it was pathetic of him to think the way he did.

“I want a plane ready when we get to the airport,” Connor mumbled as he pushed himself off of the floor. “And I want the armor to tail us. Park it on the tower roof, no one ever goes there.”

“I don’t see a point in asking considering your past responses, but do you even know what manners are?”

“Just do it,” Connor grabbed the discarded cardigan and pulled it back on.

He jogged up the stairs and meandered into his room. He fixed his hair before pulling out an old messenger bag from college and shoving random pieces of clothing inside it. He honestly didn’t know what was waiting for him in New York. He hadn’t gone…since his 20th birthday. As much as he despised Malibu for being known as the heart of his family name…he disliked New York just as much for another poignant reason.

Connor was packed and ready in a handful of minutes. He really didn’t need much. And if he forgot anything he could always just have something delivered to him. Evan emerged from the hall not long after him. He had his big knapsack thrown over one shoulder and looked ready to leave. The bag he carried appeared to be older. He could see fraying hems. Connor didn’t know if the bag was kept for sentimental purposes or if because Evan just hadn’t bothered to buy a new bag.

“Have you ever flown first class?” Connor asked, walking back out to the car to toss his bag into the backseat.

“Uh, technically yes? For a mission I had to meet with this fancy contractor, I ended up jumping out of the plane.”

Connor whipped his head up, “You did what now?”

Evan shrugged as he slid back into the passenger seat. “I had a parachute.”

“Why the fuck did you jump out of a plane?”

Evan fiddled with the hem of the watermelon shirt, “I had to. Training.”

“You’re fucking crazy,” Connor stated, staring out at the road. “Who sends someone who is practically a child to jump out of a plane.”

“Crazy rich and powerful people.”

He wouldn’t argue with that.

“Y’know, you drop the craziest stories about your past,” Connor mused, flipping on his blinker as they approached a turn.

“You don’t know the half of it,”

At the airport Connor parked his car and made his way with Evan to an exclusive wing. They were both able to bypass the usual chaos that airports brought as they walked through the building and out to a small airstrip. Waiting for them was a smaller plane with the Murphy Industries logo waiting for them.

“You have private planes?” Evan sounded like this was a shock to him.

“Yeah,” Connor merely shrugged. He didn’t often make use of the company planes, if he needed to go somewhere far away in the past he had opted to drive. And now…he had his own personal flying suit of armor.

But desperate times called for desperate measures. Miguel learning about the armor at this point wouldn’t be a good thing. And Evan would be missing out on a chance to visit his family.

Connor jogged up the stairs into the plane and dropped his bag down in a chair before maneuvering to sit in the pilot’s seat.

“You can fly a plane?” Evan appeared visibly tense at the idea of Connor flying.

“Calm down Cap, I’ve got my license. We won’t be crashing.”

Evan looked up at the ceiling, “Respectfully, I’ll be hiding in the back like a coward.”

Connor gave a finger salute, “Whatever works. Let’s get this thing moving.”

Hell was probably waiting for him once they landed. He knew that much. But at least he could focus on flying for a bit. It wasn’t the same as the armor, far from it, but it was a distraction from reality.

✩

Evan couldn’t help but stare up in awe at the city as they drove past the towering buildings. A lot had changed in the past fifty odd years, but New York was still New York. The lights brought a sense of beauty, and Evan couldn’t help but feel a form of hometown pride.

Even if they were in Manhattan. Brooklyn wasn’t far.

If not for the lights of the city it would have been dark. When Evan managed to pull his gaze away from the city he found Connor slouched in his seat. SHIELD agents had been waiting for them at the airport and were now transporting them to wherever their base of operations was. Evan couldn’t help but feel that Connor looked miserable to be in the city.

“Hey,” Evan leaned over to knock his shoulder against Connor. “You okay?”

Connor shot him a nasty look, “My parents might be dead. No.”

Evan felt a twist of guilt in his stomach. Right. They weren’t here for a good reason. Evan sat back upright and retuned to staring out the window of the car.

His own mother was another source of guilt. He…he was mad at her. How could he not be? She had lied.

He would get over it. She had her reasons to be worried about him. Jared clearly wasn’t himself. Evan would figure out how to fix it once he made sure that he was safe.

“We’re here,” one of the agents spoke up as the car stopped.

Connor and Evan got out with their things and stared at the building entrance. It looked…boring. Average. Not a spy organizational base.

Miguel walked outside and motioned for them to follow. Connor followed his friend while Evan took up the back of the group. It seemed like the smart thing to do would be keeping his mouth shut.

“Thanks for coming so soon,” Miguel kept his voice neutral as he brought them to an elevator.

Connor didn’t respond. He was staring at his shoes. Evan offered up a nod so Miguel didn’t go fully ignored.

When the elevator doors opened Evan found that they were in a proper base of operations. Agents milled about and long halls filled the space. Him and Connor followed Miguel down the winding halls and down a flight of stairs. Another maze of halls brought them to what looked like rows of hospital rooms. Armed agents lined the hall. Added protection for those who were being targeted.

“Mrs. Murphy is currently in surgery.” Miguel explained, opening one of the doors. “Her health has been more varied, sometimes appearing to be recovering fine only to spike down.”

Evan watched as Connor froze in the doorway. He could see Larry in a hospital bed. He was hooked up to a breathing machine like he had been before. It looked very similar to his last hospital room.

“His cuts healed,” Connor noted, shuffling forward towards the hospital bed. “He…”

“He’s been doing well,” Miguel stated. “The doctors want to wake him from the coma, he’s been trying to breathe on his own.”

Connor whipped around, “You told me—”

“I said I wanted you here because of your parents. I didn’t say that it was a bad thing.”

“You’re a fucking bastard!” Connor stomped over and shoved his friend, not causing much except for Miguel taking a step back for balance.

“Principito, I didn’t want him to wake up in a room full of strangers. He will still need to be observed once he’s conscious. He’s not recovered in the slightest, he’s just at a point that he’s not about to drop dead.”

Connor flipped the other man off before dropping into his seat. “Fuck you, M.”

Miguel merely rolled his eyes, “I’ll send in the doctor. Captain Hansen, your aunt wished me to give you a tour of the place if I ever had the opportunity, would you mind joining me?”

Evan followed Miguel out of the room while Connor sat by his father’s bedside. They walked through the building again and into what looked like a meeting room.

“We found a possible hit on the Winter Soldier, we will be making our move in a few days. Do you think you would be able to join?”

Evan pressed his lips into a line. “Connor thinks my family still live here, I can tell him I’m visiting them for a few days.”

Miguel nodded, “I’ll be honest, ideally Larry would stay asleep a bit longer, but I wanted Connor to have a reason to stay in New York. He’s not in any risk at this point, it was more so a comfort decision.”

Evan didn’t like hearing that his boss might be in pain just so he could go on a mission, but it was a chance to save Jared and he had to take it. Evan confirmed that he had brought his uniform and shield with before being delivered back to the hospital room. He chose to stand outside the door and give Connor some space. He had moved his chair closer and was watching over his father.

Time passed in silence. A doctor returned to the room and stood with Connor while they both watched over the older man. Evan felt his breath catch as Larry began to stir. He caught sight of cloudy eyes the same color as Connor’s struggling to open.

He watched how Connor moved, leaning forward in his seat as Larry started to wake. Evan gripped the doorway as his employer’s eyes properly opened and he started to thrash. He was scared.

“Lawrence? Mr. Murphy? I’m Dr. Rolan. You’re in a SHIELD medical bay.” The doctor started speaking while beginning to turn off the breathing machine. “I know this is sudden, but I need you to stay still and calm so I can remove your breathing tube. Do what you can to keep your jaw and throat relaxed.”

Larry was not calm in the slightest. Evan could see him trying to push the doctor back. The man was trying to speak but couldn’t with the breathing tube. He was beginning to panic.

“Dad!” Connor stood up and moved so Larry could see him. “Calm down and let this lady work.”

Larry’s hand reached up and held to the cuff of Connor’s sweater, hardly holding on. Evan stepped into the room and watched Connor take his dad’s hand and squeeze it.

With father and son holding hands Larry seemed to be more at ease. The doctor was able to remove the breathing tube, though Larry did have a nasty cough once his throat was free. The doctor slowly raised his bed to be more elevated while a nurse pushed past Evan with a plastic cup of ice in her hand and passed it to Connor.

“It’s too soon to drink or eat, but he can have ice chips. Slowly.” The nurse pulled a plastic spoon from her scrubs pocket before vanishing back down the hall the way she came.

The doctor looked at Larry and patted his shoulder. “Take your time. We aren’t expecting you to be back on your feet right away. Don’t force talking, your throat will need some rest. A nurse will be in every few hours to check vitals now that you’re awake. If you need anything there are guards posted outside or you can hit the call button on the wall.”

The doctor walked out, Evan watching as Connor set Larry’s hand down. The room fell silent except for Connor slowly spooning the ice chips to his father. The time passed slowly, Connor was avoiding eye contact.

But Larry was awake. That was a huge step.

“Are you okay?” Larry’s voice was raspy and sounded raw. The way he winced was proof enough that speaking hurt. Connor set the cup of ice chips down and looked up to the ceiling.

“Better than you, clearly.”

Larry attempted to reach for Connor’s hand but his arm dropped before he could make it. His hand returned to his side and he blinked tiredly. And he did look exhausted. Going through all he had clearly hadn’t been easy, even if he had been unconscious for it.

“How is the business?” Larry forced out another question.

Connor whipped his head back to his father and his eyebrows shot up. Evan flinched as the other young man stood from his chair while his hands clenched into fists.

“Fuck you, Dad.” Connor practically growled before stomping out of the room. Evan followed after him but felt bad about leaving Larry. The man had woken up on the other side of the country and didn’t know it yet, he was probably terrified to be alone.

They made it outside and Connor started marching down the sidewalk Evan had to jog to keep up while avoiding the other pedestrians that were sharing the space.

“Where are we going?” Evan spoke once he was walking in time with Connor.

“The tower. There’s an apartment at the top.”

Evan cocked his head to the side. Tower? He’d heard them mention a tower in passing but he had assumed it was another office building. Was it actually…

Evan looked up and spotted it. Bright lights in the sky plastering Connor’s last name. How had he missed it earlier? Holy shit…

“Stop here,” Connor placed a hand on Evan’s chest and halted his movement. They walked to the curb as a sleek car rolled up. Connor rounded the car to the driver’s side and slid into an…empty…front seat.

“Let’s go, Cap,” Connor groaned.

Evan slid into the passenger seat and watched as the car started driving of its own accord. His jaw actually dropped. How was this possible?

“This is my car,” Connor explained as he reached over to push Evan’s jaw back up to closed. “All my personal vehicles have access to Zoe, she can pilot any vehicle. My saving grace from nights when I go out to drink. I built myself a sober cabby.”

“Surprise, I don’t want him dead,” Zoe beeped from the stereo.

“You’re a genius,” Evan stated, reaching for Connor’s hand. “And I mean that. The things you’ve made are incredible.”

Connor cracked a small smile, “Thanks.” He turned his head back to stare out the front window. “I just…hate driving in New York. This makes it easier. Zoe has access to a shit ton of safety features.”

Evan couldn’t help but watch in awe as the car brought them to the tower and down underground to the parking ramp. Once the vehicle was parked Connor and Evan stepped out and walked towards an entrance. They made their way into an elevator and Connor typed in a code on a small screen attached to the wall. The door closed and they started to go up.

The apartment was…massive. Even from his standard of living it felt huge. He felt out of place, but that wasn’t new. He glanced around at the tall ceilings and platformed layout. It was interesting to have to step up and down to maneuver around the space.

“There’s a frozen pizza in here,” Connor made note of the food they had on hand. “I can pick the pepperoni off.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Evan didn’t argue. If Connor wanted pizza they could have it. They hadn’t exactly been able to eat at the dinner party.

“Guest bedroom is down the hall, either the first door on the left or second on the right. It’s your choice.”

Evan took that as his cue to start putting his things away for the trip. He walked down the hall and chose the room on the right. He ignored the first door before walking in the second. A smaller fancy bedroom waited inside. Evan still wasn’t used to living in a house, he had lived in a shoebox apartment for most of his life, having such a large space at Connor’s house felt odd. Even this massive penthouse felt like too much, but the view out the window made it feel worth it. Looking up at the city was always beautiful, but to look down on it was even better.

Evan opted to take a shower and change into pajamas while he waited for Connor to make the pizza. He loosely toweled off his hair so it wasn’t dripping down his face before walking back out to the kitchen..

“…Are you up for an adventure tomorrow?” Connor was leaning over the kitchen island while holding a slice of pizza in one hand. “Or are you meeting with your mom and shit?”

Evan shrugged, “I haven’t even told her I’m here yet. What kind of adventure?”

Connor took a bite of his pizza before answering, “I want to explore an old spot. Just for the hell of it. It’ll get me out of this city for a few hours.”

Evan plated his own slice and found extra pepperoni on it. Connor must have removed what had been on his already.

“Sure, sounds fun,” Evan nodded.

They fell into a familiar kind of quiet as they ate. They both were leaning against the counter, either staring at the floor or up at the ceiling. It was nice. Evan had always felt a bit awkward with silences growing up. He had always blurted out something to try and fill it, and usually it just wasn’t needed. Thanks to the serum he was better able to control himself from having the stupid outbursts. Despite what physical changes it had done to him, giving him a better grip on his own pathetic attempts at speaking did make him feel grateful. But right now? With him and Connor? He didn’t feel the need to speak, the silence was welcoming and calm.

They cleaned up together and the silence continued. As Evan placed their leftovers into the fridge he watched as Connor walked over to the tall windows at the front of the building and looked out over the city. Evan slowly approached as Connor stared out and played with the ends of his sweater sleeves. He moved next to him and they both looked out in silence.

“You know why I don’t like it here? Don’t like driving here?” Connor’s voice was soft when he finally spoke.

“Yeah,” Evan whispered back to him. “It’s kind of you to come anyway.”

“My dad’s been in a coma for fucking ever and the moment he woke up I walked out on him, I’m not kind.”

“This situation is hard, you’ll find a way to figure it out with him.”

Connor moved so he was sitting on the floor with his legs crossed. Evan did the same.

“It was in Hell’s Kitchen,” Connor waved his hand in the general direction of the neighborhood. “We even found he fucker who did it and he still insisted that it wasn’t him.”

“He was drunk, he probably didn’t remember it.”

“I didn’t go to the trial,” Connor lowered his head and looked down at his lap. He reached a hand behind his head and removed the clip holding his hair up. It fell down and curtained his face from view. “I couldn’t bring myself to come back here. I don’t think my parents will ever forgive me for it.”

“You just lost her, it was going to be hard. They know that. I know you don’t believe it, but your parents love you. I’m not some spy sent to record your every move and report back to them. You already let a spy into your home long before I showed up.”

Connor glanced over at him, “You know about M?”

“You’re friends,” Evan offered a shrug. “There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s reassuring to know that you speak to someone that isn’t your computer sometimes.”

“Rude.” Zoe buzzed from Connor’s pocket.

“Thanks, Evan,” Connor smiled at him. He got up and stretched. “I think I’ll turn in for the night.”

Evan followed suit and the pair began to venture towards the hall. Connor stopped at the first door on the right and Evan went to the second.

“G’night,” Connor waved before vanishing into his room. Evan stepped into his own self assigned room and fell back against the mattress. He had a good feeling about this trip. Just before drifting off he remembered to send his mother a quick text to let her know where he was, just in case she worried. He was still mad at her, but she was his mom. They would get through it.

✩

Waking up to silence in New York was a first for Evan. It was never quiet. But being this high up and having as much soundproofing that the Murphy family buildings seemed to have gave reason for the strange event.

He got ready for the day before venturing out and into the living space. Connor was already awake and had perched himself on a barstool with a mug of coffee. Evan kept quiet as he rounded to the coffee maker and found that Connor had already left him a mug. He smiled as he filled the porcelain and found a spot to sit next to Connor. They both had their coffee black, not seeing a need to downplay it with any added liquids.

“Ready for an adventure?” Connor asked, smirking at him while holding his mug in both hands. Today he wore a simple back hoodie with the usual stains to cover his arms. Would Evan ever find out if he actually had arms? At this rate it didn’t seem likely.

“Sure,” Evan nodded before taking a drink out of his own mug. He hadn’t thought to bring along a book to read while enjoying his coffee. He could be like Connor and read on his phone, but he wasn’t all that interested in the device at the moment. Cellphones were incredible, but Evan did not care about them.

Evan made them a hasty breakfast with what little food was kept in the apartment before they finished getting ready and met by the elevator. They went back out into the parking ramp and located Connor’s car. Evan was excited, he hadn’t ever done something like this with Connor before.

“Zoe, get us the fuck out of the city and then I’ll take over,” Connor instructed as the car turned on.

“Can you say please?”

“No I cannot.”

The car started moving and Evan let himself relax. The sun was shining, he had a good feeling about this. Connor pulled a pair of sunglasses from his pocket to offset the brightness as they made their way through the city.

“Do I get any hints on where we’re going?” Evan asked.

“Nope,” Connor smirked while looking over to him. “Trust me, I think you’ll like this.”

Eventually they made it out of the city and out on the highway. Connor started actively driving as they caught up to speed with the zooming traffic. It felt weird to leave the city. Part of Evan still felt like he had never left home, even if he had traveled the world on his missions. Part of him still belonged in New York. And to see the city vanishing in the distance felt strange. For his original deployment he had kept his head down the whole time, he hadn’t noticed leaving the city behind while mourning his loss of freedom to the draft.

Music played softly from the speakers and Evan caught Connor tapping his thumbs against the steering wheel along to the best. He chuckled before going back to staring out his window. It was nice to see Connor in a good mood after how poorly yesterday had gone for him. Between the dinner party and the stress of what could have been going on with Larry it brought some peace to know that he was doing well.

They were on the highway for about an hour before Connor took an exit. They made their way through smaller and smaller towns as the road grew to be less well kept. Eventually they met the countryside. Winding hills with curved roads. Evan watched out his window at the sight of fields and animals and small forests that they passed by. It really was beautiful. Evan had seen plenty of flora and nature while on his missions as Captain, but he had never seen the beauty of New York’s country.

Connor took a turn off of the main road they were on and parked the car in a tiny lot. A small building, more like a shack, sat in front of them. Evan followed Connor out of the car as they approached an open window. As they got closer Evan spotted menu boards. This was an ice cream stand.

“Good morning, welcome to À La Mode!” The shop worker greeted them at the window. “It’s a beautiful day out there. Have you two been here before?”

Connor was properly grinning, “It’s been years for me. Do you still have the homemade hot fudge?”

“Of course! As if we could ever get rid of a classic!”

“Awesome. I’ll get a plain vanilla scoop but drown it in fudge.”

“Sounds good.” The shop worker looked to Evan. “How about you? Or are we sharing this?”

“No, not sharing,” Connor chuckled and shook his head. “I can’t share the best ice cream I’ve ever had.”

“Um…” Evan picked at the hem of his shirt as he stared at the menu. He didn’t know what to get. He hadn’t planned on ice cream this early on in the day. “Strawberry.”

“Wonderful. I’ll be right back with those.”

Connor pulled his wallet from his jeans and slapped a few bills on the window counter. Part of Evan felt weird for not paying, but Connor had billions at his disposal. He could let it go.

They were handed their cups and Connor looked practically giddy at the sight. He walked back towards the car and leaned against the hood while enjoying his treat. Evan opted to simply stand while enjoying his own early dessert.

They threw their garbage away in a nearby bin before getting back into the car and continuing the journey. Connor turned the music up a bit louder as they continued to drive down the twisting road and was actively humming along now. Eventually Evan recognized a song from the playlist Connor had made him and was able to join in on the humming. Connor caught notice and laughed, using one hand to lightly bat at his arm.

They turned off the main road and started driving along a gravel one instead. They left dust in their wake and Connor appeared more focused. The amount of trees around them grew and it left them mostly in the shade. They stopped the car in a dirt lot and Connor was quick to pile out.

“It’s deserted, weird,” Connor started walking towards the opposite end of the lot. They came across a tall chain link fence with an old lock on the other side. “Shit. It’s closed.”

“What is it?” Evan asked, unable to guess from the fencing and what looked like a simple field behind it.

“Apple orchard. My family…we used to go on day trips here all the time. We’d do picnics. It…it’s one of the only good memories I have with…y’know, her. I thought visiting might be nice.” Connor toed the dirt with his foot. “This sucks. We came all the way out here for nothing.”

Connor started towards the car again while Evan stared at the fence. Connor had clearly wanted this. Evan didn’t want him to be disappointed. He could clear the fence, surely. He could jump between buildings. Evan took a few steps back to give himself some space to build momentum before running at the fence. He jumped and just barely cleared the chainlink. He hit the ground on the other side and rolled on his shoulder to relieve some strain from his ankles.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Connor heard him hit the ground and hurried back over. “Evan, you can’t just climb fences.”

Evan reached for the lock on the gate and pulled hard, watching as the old lock snapped in his hand. Evan dropped the broken pieces to the ground before opening the gate so Connor could get in.

“You’re fucking crazy. How did you do that?”

But he was grinning while walking in. Evan refused to answer and let Connor lead as they began to walk through the orchard. They went up a small hill and Evan watched in wonder as they came into view of the rows and rows of various apple trees. They weren’t ready for picking yet, but he could see small developing apples growing on the branches.

“So, if you were to go to college what would you major in?” Connor asked as they meandered through the trees.

Evan looked up at the clouds between the leaves, “I’m not sure. I never really thought about it. Forestry I suppose.” Evan looked back to Connor and grinned. “Y’know once Jared and I skipped out on our evening drills and I found this massive forty foot tall oak tree. We spent the whole evening climbing it and looking out over everything from above. The general was pissed with us, but it was worth it.”

“Jared is your friend that passed, right?”

Evan nodded and looked at the ground. He knew Jared was alive, but the memory from the day that he had lost him was still painful. Maybe Jared could have been saved. He could have lived a normal life and grown old. Maybe he would have helped form SHIELD if he had been given the chance. Instead his friend had clearly gone through hell.

“This was the spot,” Connor halted their movement in front of a larger tree. There was a nearby creek and a big open field in front of them. It was beautiful.

They both sat against the base of the tree and stared out at the open sky. Conversation came easily. Evan found himself talking about a lot of his experiences from childhood. His young minded dreams that part of him still carried. He found a way to share without revealing his true age. Connor in turn spoke openly about his education abroad. They swapped anecdotes from the past. Small snippets of backstory that felt safe to share while surrounded by trees.

The orchard was overgrown, but still beautiful. Evan could see what Connor and his family had enjoyed about it so much. He could imagine the big open field being used as a pumpkin patch years ago. And part of him could see a younger version of Connor enjoying the setting much like he was now.

“C’mon,” Connor sprung to his feet and started running through the tall grass. He made it a hundred yards before turning back to wave at Evan. “Follow me!”

Evan got up and made chase. He easily caught up and the two ran in sync across the field. They slowed to a stop at the tree line and Connor braced himself with his hands on his thighs, visibly winded. Evan didn’t feel winded but he pretended to catch his breath for a moment so he didn’t seem strange.

“Woah,” Connor looked up at the tree they were standing by. “I didn’t ever realize how big they were from the other side.”

Evan jumped to a lower hanging branch and pulled himself up to sit on it. “I bet that everything looks better from higher up.”

Connor scrambled to try and join him, “You’re probably right.”

It was a slow start at first, but Evan remembered how to climb up trees easily. Connor followed him and used Evan’s movements as a guide for how he would move. Part of Evan felt like a kid again, like back when he and Jared used to play on the fire escape of their apartment buildings. Eventually he ran out of sturdy branches to climb to and Evan turned to face his surroundings. Winding hills and patches of forest as far as he could see. The sun was shining and it felt peaceful.

Connor managed to get up next to him on a different branch and they looked out over the horizon together. Evan glanced over to Connor and caught the golden sunlight highlighting his face. It gave a sense of warmth that was only amplified by his bright smile.

He really was beautiful.

Connor caught on to him staring and smirked, “What? Do I have a leaf in my hair or some shit?”

Evan chuckled, “Uh, no. I—”

Evan felt his support branch give way. Gravity took hold and Evan began to plummet down. He caught a glimpse of panic on Connor’s face before he vanished from sight. Evan braced himself as best as he could as he began to hit other branches on the way down. Eventually he managed to grip a branch with one hand, now dangling in the air while he tried to calm his racing heart.

“Evan!” Connor screaming could be heard from above.

Evan took in a breath and let himself observe his surroundings. He wasn’t bleeding, other than a few light scratches that is. He was fine. And he had a clear drop to the ground now, even with the height he would be fine. Evan released his grip and dropped the remainder of the way to the ground, landing with one knee to the ground while he braced himself with his hands against the dirt. He got back up to a proper standing position and took a few steps back to see Connor trying to rush his way out of the tree.

“I’m okay!” Evan called out to let him know.

Connor practically sprinted to him once he was back on the ground. Evan was forced into a tight hug and he could feel Connor’s heart beating rapidly between them.

“I’m okay, I’m fine,” Evan kept assuring him that things were safe.

“You piece of shit!” Connor was trying to sound mad but his voice broke part way through. “Never do that again! Fuck!”

Evan brushed a hand through Connor’s hair while they lightly swayed side to side. Connor was still shaking and Evan didn’t want him to be worried.

“You’re freaking out more than me and I’m the one who fell,” Evan tried using humor to calm Connor’s nerves.

“Fuck you!” Connor still didn’t let go. “I’ve gone through too much shit to deal with this!”

After a while Connor did calm down. He dropped down into the dirt and pulled Evan along with him. The two went back to cloud gazing, though Connor refused to let go of the tight grip he had on Evan’s arm.

Eventually Evan managed to get his arm free and loosely wrapped it around Connor’s shoulders while they stared up at the sky. He let his eyes drift shut as peace set in. This was nice. The peaceful surroundings, the sound of distant birds and leaves rustling in the light breeze, and company that he wanted around all the time. Evan opened his eyes and let them drift over to Connor, finding mostly blue eyes staring right back into his. The bit of brown on the left had always intrigued him, but he had never been this close long enough to study it. It almost felt as if the world around them was melting away. This felt as close to perfect as Evan could imagine given the situation.

Connor’s phone ringing ruined it. Evan watched him sit up and dig for the device in his pocket. He narrowed his eyes at the name on the screen before answering.

“What?” It was quiet for a moment before Connor twisted his eyes shut. “Yeah. I’ll head over.”

Connor lowered the phone and glanced back up at the clouds for a moment. Evan sat up and cocked his head to the side.

“You okay?”

Connor looked back down at his phone, “My mom is starting to wake up. M wants me there for her.”

Evan got to his feet and reached out a hand for Connor to grab. “Well, we’ve got a long way back. C’mon.”

Connor threw his head back and sighed before lacing his fingers with Evan’s and getting up from the ground. They walked back through the orchard together and meandered to the car. Evan dropped into his seat and glanced over at Connor to offer him a smile.

“It’ll be okay,” Evan assured.

“I hope so,” Connor mumbled, starting back down the road. “Going back to not being in charge would be nice.”

Chapter Text

“Wow Cap, you sure know how to send a signal,” Connor teased as he dropped down on the roof of the SHIELD building. Just his luck that Evan had plans with his family for the day, he was free to roam the city in his armor. “Last I checked you were on the other side of the country.”

“Last I checked, so were you,” Captain shrugged as he spun the shield around in his hands. “Are you going to be useful?”

Connor placed a titanium cased hand over the arc reactor resting in the chest of the armor. “You have my word, hot stuff.”

Not even a hint of a smile. Just a set jaw and steely hazel eyes. It was all Connor had to try and identify the other man. He had no clue what he looked like, not even hair color. The long sleeves and gloves of the uniform kept most of his body covered. The mystery was half of the appeal. And the whole actual living legend thing.

“Holy shit, it showed,” Miguel approached decked out in his actual spy gear. He had weird gauntlets on his wrists and a gun strapped to his thigh. The skin tight athletic material made him look hot.

“Oh fuck off, Princess,” Connor rolled his eyes beneath the faceplate. “As if anyone would miss the chance to work with the Star Spangled Man With A Plan.”

Captain turned to look at Miguel, “Please tell me they don’t actually still use that song in association with me. I don’t want people begging for me to go by Captain America again. It didn’t work the first time, it won’t now.”

Miguel pressed his lips into a line, “I’m sorry to say—”

Captain rubbed at his eyes, “Of all the stupid propaganda—whatever. This isn’t the point.”

“Oh, by the way, Princess,” Connor looked over at Miguel again. “Don’t go sending your little boy toy and his sorry excuse for software looking for me. I’m far more advanced than him.”

“Go suck a dick,” Zoe beeped in his ear. “You would be even more useless without me.”

“Excuse me?” Miguel raised his brows in questioning.

“Murphy,” Connor clarified his words. “Tell him to fuck off. He won’t find anything useful.”

Miguel sighed before glancing back at Captain. “You’re sure you trust this thing?”

“We’re going to need all the help we can get,” Evan nodded. “Let’s go.”

Connor followed them across the roof and over to a small plane. Connor floated his way inside the tiny jet while Capsicle hesitated by the steps.

“C’mon hero! We’ve got shit to do!” Connor teased him.

“You didn’t freeze in ice for over fifty years!” Captain walked up and took a seat against one of the benches in the jet. Connor glanced around at the benches before deciding it would be best if he didn’t sit on them. The armor was heavy. And he could just stand.

“What exactly is our plan here? What are we doing?” Connor asked what he felt was the most important question.

“Taking down the Winter Soldier,” Miguel answered from the pilot’s seat.

Connor wanted to whip his head over, but he couldn’t move his neck as fast as normal in the armor, “As in kill him?”

Miguel pivoted back in his seat to glare at him, “The guy is a literal monster. He’s killed countless people, and he tried to take out one of the most important families in the country. Orders are to kill on sight. Forget caution, if you see the bastard you shoot.”

Connor looked back at Captain, “You’re on board?”

Captain didn’t meet the eyes of the armor, “Orders are orders.”

Connor muted himself and started hacking into the jet so he could see the flight path they were taking. It looked like they were going to crash a small warehouse up north. That was where they kept the guy who tried to kill him? Or maybe it was just where he was hiding out.

“Are you real?” Captain asked him.

Connor cocked his head to the side, “What do you mean?”

Captain shrugged, “Robots aren’t real people. Are you a robot? Or are you like those robotic cars that people can control with remotes? Is an actual person controlling you from safety?”

Of all the questions…

“I might wear armor, but under the shell I’m flesh and bone. The Man part of my name holds more truth than just my shape.” Connor answered. “What’s the coolest thing you’ve learned since waking up?”

Captain flipped his shield around a few times.

“All the acceptance. I couldn’t have dreamed of all the progress made,” Cap smiled. He had a nice smile. “There is still progress to be made, but things are better.”

Connor hadn’t expected that. Captain was someone focused on justice, on saving lives and doing the right thing. To be happy about something like acceptance…

Maybe Evan had made a point about the whole propaganda thing. Maybe Captain thought similarly.

The flight up north was mostly quiet. Connor tracked the flight path on his HUD while Captain seemed more interested in the paint on the shield. He had never seen Miguel so serious. His jaw was set in a way that was intimidating. His friend was gone, in the moment he was Agent Rivera. He knew Miguel had worked hard to get where he had, he was a proper role model.

“Okay, we’re closing in,” Miguel was flying them above the coastline to help hide some noise from their jet. “I just need to find a spot to land so we can go in.

“I’ll get a head start,” Captain jumped to his feet and hit a button near the rear of the plane. The back door opened and Captain jumped out.

“Did he grab a parachute?!” Miguel looked frantic.

Holy fuck this old man was hot, “No he did not.”

Connor peered out the back of the plane and watched Captain dive towards the water. Connor considered following, but he didn’t want to make too much noise. The armor wasn’t the most stealthy piece of tech ever.

They found a field to land in nearby. Connor and Miguel started traversing towards the warehouse in silence.

“I don’t trust you,” Miguel stated. “But Cap seems to, and protecting him is one of my priorities. Don’t fuck it up, or I’ll rip your power source from your fucking chest.”

“This is just a flashlight, comes free with every purchase of an Iron Man suit,” Connor shot back. “Maybe I can let you in when they make the next one.”

Connor looked ahead and froze. The warehouse was guarded. Connor stuck out like a sore thumb. Fuck.

“Keep low, Tin Can,” Miguel ordered before rushing forward. Connor almost called out, but kept his mouth shut. He watched from a distance as Miguel rushed at the guards and silently began disarming and knocking them out. Connor felt his breath catch as Miguel jumped and kicked one of the guards in the head, managing to flip around and land in a low crouch.

“I’m making him do more if we ever have sex again,” Connor decided. “I didn’t know he could do that.”

“If?” Zoe’s voice echoed through the helmet.

“Yeah, if. It’s friends with benefits, we don’t need to redeem the benefits.”

“And who else would even want to get near you? You’re disgusting.”

“Well…” Connor hesitated. “Maybe…”

“What? You think you could ever have a shot with Captain? He’s a hero. And ancient. You’re still hiding your identity, asshole.”

“Obviously not Captain, I’m not dumb!” Connor snapped, aiming a repulsor at one of the guards that Miguel was tussling with. The charge up noise would be distant enough from here. “I just…”

“Wait, don’t tell me. Evan? Just because he’s gay doesn’t mean he likes you.”

“Maybe he does.”

“Why would he? You’re rude. Pathetic. Think of all you did to her. Would you do the same to him? Evan was already hurt by his father, he doesn’t need you to add to his pain.”

Connor froze, “I wouldn’t do that to him.”

“How would you know? With that school shooter haircut no one knows what you’re capable of.”

“Shut up!” Connor didn’t want deep cuts like that. Not now. “No more of your mean bullshit until I’m home again.”

He knew she only said those things because he programmed her that way. The insults were purposeful. But sometimes he just…didn’t have the strength to deal with them. At least now he could ask her to stop and she would. But…with her she never listened.

Connor flew forward to catch up with Miguel. He avoided the unconscious guards of the warehouse and followed his friend inside. Cap must have already made his way in.

Inside the building was a full on brawl. Captain was in the middle of kicking someone in the chest and sending them flying through a shelving unit. Groups of random goons caught sight of Connor and Miguel and started charging at them. Connor flew up and began firing his repulsors while Miguel went hand to hand with those that approached him. He didn’t want to kill anyone, that wasn’t part of his whole deal, but knocking them out was fair game.

“Check your two,” Zoe beeped.

Connor glanced to the right a bit and spotted him. Winter Fuck Boy. He had a gun in his flesh hand and was pointing it at Captain. Shit.

“Cap get down!” Connor swooped in and knocked the other man to the ground. The bullet fired hit the armor, but deflected off the metal and embedded in a wall. Captain scrambled to his feet and ran right at the monster, the two of them tussling.

Connor focused on covering him from behind so Captain could work on taking care of the Winter Soldier. He glanced over at Miguel and found him handling just fine on his own, somehow managing to get on top of one of the goons and strangling him with his thighs.

How had Connor never seen this side of him?

“C’mon man! Snap out of it!”

Connor focused back on Captain to see him trying to reason with the Winter Soldier. What the hell was he wasting his time for? Wasn’t the goal to take him out?

Captain managed to get behind his target and struggled to get him into a choke hold. The metal arm was pulling against him in an attempt to shake free.

“Iron Man! Get the arm off of him!” Captain was straining to keep his grip.

Connor started his way forward. This was his chance to actually earn Captain’s trust. This was a dream come true. Working with his childhood hero. And he could fuck with the guy who tried to kill him!

“Connor,” Zoe pulled up a video on his HUD. “You need to see this. I just got the feed.”

Connor watched as video footage played. Grainy, likely taken from a drone. Connor could see what looked like an entire town that had been blown to bits. There was a visible blast radius.

“Iron Man!” Captain was yelling at him.

“What am I looking at?” Connor didn’t understand why he was being shown the footage.

“It was one of your weapon designs. The living civilians are being held hostage. You asked for updates when incidents occurred. It was a terror group.”

Fuck. Connor cleared the footage and took in the surroundings again. Captain was flipped over Winter Fuck Boy’s shoulder and into the concrete floor, the man rushing to grab hold of the other’s leg.

“Blast the bitch!” Miguel shouted across the warehouse at them as he pulled the gun from his hip and fired a round into a goon.

Captain was kicked from the Winter Soldier’s leg and into a shelving unit face first. The man threw his shield only for Fuck Boy’s metal arm to catch the disc and throw it aside. Captain ran at him again and the two started tussling once more.

“Iron Man, move!” Captain sounded frantic.

“Sorry,” Connor launched himself forward and out a window. He had to go help those people. He set the armor to top speed and turned off manual controls, he needed to get there as soon as he could.

“How many people died?” Connor felt himself beginning to panic a bit.

“The town population was estimated at 600. I’ve seen less than 30 survivors. And it’s hard to tell who was local and who was part of the attack.”

“And we’re sure it was my weapon?”

“Yes. The blast matched your signature.”

Connor fought against a sick feeling in his stomach. An entire town was destroyed because of him and what he had made. He should have been doing more. He had to do something more.

His parents were healing. They weren’t fully recovered yet, but they were getting better. Maybe they would listen to him. Maybe for once they would listen to him.

But they never had before, and he needed a plan for if they followed their habits. Connor started pondering as a lock of hair came loose from its hold and itched his neck.

“I need to start a second design,” Connor muttered to himself as he rocketed through the clouds. “Something with better temperature regulation. And it wouldn’t kill to optimize the repulsors a bit. We have the technology.”

“We’ve got time to brainstorm.”

Connor kept shooting ideas, while Zoe helped him visualize what he was saying since he couldn’t move his arms. Turning off her snarky comments helped improve his mood. Things were still bad, but at least he didn’t want to shoot himself with his own repulsor.

“Red and gold again I presume?” Zoe beeped.

“How about like…gray. Red and gray. Or black. One of the two.”

“Okay.”

By the time they made it to the destroyed town Connor had a design visualized. He would work on the actual armor improvements once he was home and could move his own body.

The town was…bad. Connor landed in between the crumbling buildings and glanced around at all the damage. He would find a way to fix this. Somehow. He had to.

“Civilians located,” Zoe highlighted a building on the HUD. Connor flew forward and around the building. The monsters responsible for the attack fired at him, but the bullets bounced off the armor for the most part. He felt anger fill his system at the sight of his last name printed on the guns they held. He landed and targeted each of the monsters before releasing small explosives at their feet. They all went down, writhing in pain as the bones in their legs shattered. He broke down a heavy door to reveal a couple dozen civilians that had been locked inside.

The victims cowered in his sight. Connor flew back and up, hoping to encourage them to run. Slowly the victims began to vacate the building, some braver souls stomping on the chests of those who had hurt them.

Connor went around the remains of the town and repeated his process. He released those who had been captured, though in total there were likely less than a hundred survivors. But it wasn’t zero.

He had probably ruined his chance of ever working with Captain again, but he wasn’t sorry.

✩

“It should be secure in here,” Miguel brought them into a small medical exam room. “Feel free to be yourself.”

Evan dropped in a chair and pulled off his helmet. He could feel his hair plastered to his forehead and could smell blood that was dried on his face. Jared might have broken his nose. It was hard to say.

He had been so close. If Iron Man had just helped render him unconscious he would have been able to vacate the warehouse with Jared in tow. Instead he had been again beat up by his best friend.

But something had been different this time. Jared had hesitated. He hadn’t killed him yet again. And Jared had gotten away. He had no idea where to, but he had run.

“Fuck, that went poorly,” Miguel pulled off his top to reveal a torso covered in bruises. He went digging for alcohol wipes and hissed as he wiped a nasty gash along his ribs.

“At least we’re alive,” Evan tried to sound optimistic about it.

“I need a joint and a blowjob,” Miguel muttered, bandaging his cut before pulling his top back on.

“What’s that?” Evan noted a nasty scar that was closer to Miguel’s hip. On the opposite side of his cut.

Miguel rolled his eyes as he finished pulling the top back on, “Winter Soldier and I have history. He shot me once. Right before he…he’s a fucking monster.”

But Evan knew he was just a kid from Brooklyn. He would have loved to see reality as it really was now. Computers, movies, all these things that Evan was sure he would love. Jared was in there, he was sure of it.

“I didn’t know…”

“Agent Rivera!”

Evan fumbled to get his helmet back on as the door was forced open. He lowered his guard as his mother stomped in. What the hell was she doing there?

“Director Hansen!” Miguel jumped to attention.

“I told you to keep him safe!”

“Ma, I’m fine,” Evan reached for her hand. He kicked the door shut before pulling off the helmet again. “We’re both okay.”

Heidi frowned and grabbed a handful of paper towels from a basket and wet them with water from the sink. She tilted Evan’s head and began wiping away the blood from his face.

“How many times do I need to tell you—”

“We tried to take him out,” Evan lied about his own intentions. “It just…didn’t go well.”

Heidi’s eyebrows shot up. She didn’t believe him. “You tried…to take him out? You?”

“If Iron Man hadn’t turned out to be a hunk of junk we probably could have done it,” Miguel tsked while running a hand through his hair. “Now I have to go explain to my boss why I fucked up so badly. I’m probably going to lose my job. I didn't even bring a team. I took the only superhero and what could be a weapon of mass destruction. I’m fucked.”

Heidi turned to look back at him, “I’ll talk to him. My son…he’s alive. That’s what matters. Though I think a good reprimanding would do you some wonders. Use your head next time, Agent.”

Miguel bowed his head before heading for the door, “Yes, Director.”

Miguel left the room, leaving mother and son alone. Evan felt along his nose and winced as it hurt to touch. Though with further inspection he had hope that it wasn’t broken. Very tender, but not broken.

“Evan, I refuse to believe you wanted to take that monster out,” Heidi sat in a neighboring chair.

Evan reached for his helmet and drummed his fingers against it. He hated to do it, but for now he needed to lie to her. “If Jared truly is gone…I don’t want his ghost haunting me. If this…so called monster is what he is now…I want to at least put Jared to rest. To bury him and finally put his loss in the past. It hurts, and I can’t…I won’t be the one to do it. But I’ll be there. I’ll make sure it happens. Even if it isn’t really him, I want him to have a friend by his side as he dies.”

Heidi reached for his hand and traced her fingers over his gloves. Her eyes looked heavy. Sad. She squeezed his hand before looking up at him.

“I know it’s hard. I never wanted you to find out, I was scared he would haunt you. You’re so strong, honey. I’m proud of you, I wouldn’t have the strength to face him. Part of me wishes I had never learned of what happened to him.” She brushed back his helmet hair and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I love you so much. You’re the only…the one good thing that has ever happened to me, Evan. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you anything more than that.”

Evan pulled her into a gentle hug. She was so frail, he didn’t want to risk hurting her. Letting her believe he was moving on would make her life easier. And once he saved Jared and he was back…she would feel so much lighter to have them both. He was sure of it.

Heidi stood from her chair and helped him put the helmet back on. “I’ve made a decision.”

“Oh?”

She chewed on her lower lip for a moment. “I’m not going to live forever. And funerals…they’re always so sad. I’ve started compiling a list, so when I do die, you know what to do.”

Evan felt a pang in his chest, “Ma, don’t say that—”

Heidi shushed him. “And I’ve decided that I want to celebrate my life while I’m still here. I want our dream that we never got before. Fancy clothes, jazzy music, a big party. I want to be blonde and beautiful and pretend that I’m fifty years younger and I’m throwing a big party for my distinguished son. He made it back from war safe and sound and on time.”

Evan reached for a lock of her long white hair and twirled it around his finger, “Ma, your hair is whiter than a ghost.”

“They make wigs, honey. And makeup. And botox.”

Evan blinked a few times, “What on earth is botox?”

“Toxins that freeze your skin and prevent wrinkles. Essentially.” She motioned to her aged face. “This is my celebration of life, I’m doing what I please. All I want is for my loved ones to be there. That means you. We pretend that we’re royalty for an evening.”

Evan smirked at her, “Dancing the night away?”

“I’ll take ibuprofen so I can dance all I like, I promise.”

They walked through the SHIELD base together, earning glances from all the agents they passed. Evan detoured to a locker room and changed back into his regular clothes, placing his uniform and shield back into the respective bag. Once he was back to his regular self he walked with his mother to check in on Larry and Cynthia.

Cynthia was…not great. She was still hit or miss on if she was actually awake or not. Connor and him had learned it was best to simply let her sleep. They stood in the room with her while she rested, Heidi holding her hand for a moment in the quiet room. Evan couldn’t help but notice how gaunt she was becoming. Recovering was taking a toll on her. He couldn’t imagine going through what Connor was. All the pain of watching those who raised you suffer for so long.

“Hansen!” Miguel came running in, placing pressure over his injury as he slid to a stop. “Come with me, please.”

Evan and Heidi followed Miguel out of the room, the two being brought through the building and down a maze of corridors. If Evan didn’t have his enhanced memory he was confident he would manage to get lost in here. And maybe that was the point. If someone managed to get through the hoards of agents it was a labyrinth of identical twists and turns.

They ended up in a larger meeting room. Evan watched as Miguel motioned to a television against the far wall. Playing on the screen was blurry footage of what appeared to be a small city in ruin. Crumbling buildings and smoke.

“What is this?” Evan asked.

“It’s where Iron Man went,” Miguel pointed as a red and gold blur zoomed across the frame. “We just got this footage in. It was a terror attack. The robot didn’t abandon ship, he just switched focus. It looks like he’s freeing hostages and survivors.

Evan cocked his head to the side. That explained why Iron Man had frozen. He had likely debated between staying and going to save those people. His sorry had been genuine. He hadn’t wanted to abandon their mission.

And Evan couldn’t fairly judge him for it. He had broken the rules all the time when he had been in the service. He disobeyed, he went rogue and saved lives even when his superiors would have rather him be used in propaganda material. Pathetic short films of Evan meandering around in his uniform while talking to others forced to serve. He had hated it. He hadn’t asked to be chosen for Project: Rebirth, but he had taken the hand he had been dealt and made himself into someone he could be proud of. If he was going to be forced to serve he would do it how he wanted. And now he was free.

If Iron Man saw more value in saving an entire town compared to the goal of killing one man…Evan would be more than happy to work with him again.

“What on earth caused the damage?” Heidi looked horrified at the sight of destruction.

Miguel shrugged, “The area isn’t secure for rescue teams yet, but the incident will be investigated. Likely a lot sooner if Tin Can can actually take care of the active threats.”

Heidi shuddered, “That thing…It’s terrifying.”

“He’s not that bad,” Evan insisted. “And he…”

“He flirts with you. A lot,” Miguel said the quiet part out loud. “I don’t think I’ve seen someone actively simp over you that much since…” he trailed off for a moment before coming back into the conversation. “Uh. Since the last movie came out?”

Heidi moved to stand in front of Evan. “You’re not allowed to fall in love with a metal man.”

Evan wrinkled his face, “Of course not! Ma!” He looked over to Miguel. “What does simp mean?”

“Oh. Right. You’re old. In terms you’ll know, to fawn over someone.” Miguel sat against the table and let his legs swing. “You took him flirting really well, actually. Did people do that a lot in the 60s?”

“The press junkets were full of pretty women,” Heidi stated. “I was always upset he never gave any of them a chance, but now…”

“I would have hated to leave a gal waiting for a dance for fifty odd years,” Evan wanted to end their current conversation path. He wasn’t sure how well the average person would take Captain being gay and he didn’t want to find out now. “I should probably go back to the tower and check in on Connor.”

“I’ll call you a ride,” Miguel offered, pulling out his phone. “Were you going to join, Director?”

Heidi shook her head, “I said I would speak to your boss. I don’t need the one agent I have directly protecting my son to be losing his resources. And I’d like to talk to Larry a bit if he’s feeling up for it.” She pulled Evan down a bit and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll stop by later. Maybe all three of us could have dinner.”

“I’m getting really good at cooking with tofu,” Evan beamed. “I’ll let Connor know.”

Evan admired the city during the ride home. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed New York. Even if things were different. When the car pulled up to the tower Evan took a moment to just admire before walking inside. He bypassed the front desk and made his way to the elevator, typing in the security code Connor had given him before the doors shut and brought him up to the apartment.

“Connor?” Evan called out since he wasn’t in plain sight. He hadn’t been at the SHIELD base and it wasn’t like him to go off.

“Hey!” Connor came sliding into the room, tripping over the edge of a platform. Evan swooped forward and caught him before he fell. His hair was messy and he sounded out of breath. Evan made sure he was stable before standing. He couldn’t be dehydrated, they had spent part of the morning together and he had been perfectly fine then.

“Are you okay?” Evan arched a brow at the other man.

Connor nodded, “Yeah. I uh, I was on a run.”

Evan blinked a few times as he eyed up Connor’s tight jeans that he always wore. “A run? In jeans?”

Connor’s face flushed and he raised a middle finger. “Yeah. Laps around the apartment. I know it’s weird, you don’t need to tell me.”

“You’re an enigma.”

Connor’s eyes narrowed.

Evan offered him a smile, “And a genius. I meant it in a good way.”

“Keep the compliments coming and maybe you’ll get somewhere,” Connor was beginning to grin now. His fingers reached for the end of Evan’s shirt. “Watermelon shirt.”

“I didn’t exactly pack a lot.”

“You look…really good. It might be my favorite shirt of yours,” Connor’s voice grew soft. Evan felt his face heat up at the compliment. Receiving them from Connor felt different. A good kind of different. More…appreciative. If that made any sense.

“I…” Evan trailed off as Connor’s eyes met his. “Um…” Connor’s stomach growled and startled both of them. “We need snacks!” Evan started digging through the cabinets to set things out while Connor pulled up a stool. He set out various crackers and chips while Connor decided what he wanted. He had ordered some groceries to the apartment on the way back to the city after their orchard trip. Having things delivered was very convenient and Evan liked knowing the service was available.

“I was reviewing emails Lana sent, skipped lunch,” Connor explained before shoving a cracker in his mouth. “How was your mom?”

Evan closed the cabinet and leaned against the counter on his forearms. Right. He had lied. “Good. Well…um, she’s sick. And she didn’t tell me until recently. So…there’s that. But it was good to see her.”

Connor reached across the counter for his wrist. Their hands locked together while Evan looked back into Connor’s eyes. “If you…I mean, you’ve mentioned things being rough in the past financially. If you or your mom need anything–”

“We’re going to be okay,” Evan assured, squeezing his hand. “Things are better now.”

“But if–”

“I’ll let you know, I promise,” Evan squeezed again before letting go.

They both quietly snacked for a few minutes before Connor migrated to the living room. Evan followed and the pair sat next to each other on the couch. Connor flipped on the television and Evan watched as the grainy footage of Iron Man played. The city attack was being reported on.

“Iron Man is a hero,” Evan mused.

“What?” Connor whipped his head over to look at him.

Evan shrugged, “He saved all those people. He’s a hero. Kind of like…Captain.”

Connor looked back at the screen, “You and I have different ideas of what a hero is. Iron Man is nothing like Captain. Captain is a selfless hero from another time. Iron Man…he’s probably a coward.”

“I guess we’ll never know,” Evan hummed. “Did you…”

Connor glanced over again, “What?”

Evan stood and held out his hand, “Did you want to dance? It’s been a long day.”

Connor rolled his eyes but accepted his hand, “You’ve got a weird way of unwinding. Sure.”

✩

Connor tapped his foot against the stone tile of the workshop. He had his phone to his ear and was listening to it ring. He was pissed off.

“Connor. I told you I can’t come.” Miguel’s voice ended the ringing.

“Please, M. I need you with me,” Connor hated begging.

“I’m in New York. I’m working. I’m sorry I can’t come. I promise I’ll come visit over the weekend, Principito.”

Connor gripped the edge of his desk, “This is important!”

“So is ensuring your parents don’t die! I’m in deep shit right now with my boss, I can’t just leave because my friend wants to bring me to an art exhibit. We can go together this weekend if you want but I can’t today. I’m sorry.”

Connor slouched in his seat, “Fine. Whatever. Bye.”

Connor ended the call and tossed his phone down on the desk. M didn’t know how important this was to him. He felt sick to his stomach and had a feeling he could start crying at any moment. He had been an antsy wreck since coming home, and today was equally a dream come true and his worst nightmare.

And he would have to go alone.

“Don’t be a baby bitch, he doesn’t owe you shit,” Zoe’s projection rolled her eyes at him. “Grow the fuck up.”

Connor turned off the projections before spinning his desk chair in slow circles. He was overreacting. He could go to a museum alone.

He just…didn’t want to. Not tonight.

Connor stopped spinning and got up from his seat. He made his way out of the workshop and started up the stairs, nearly walking straight into Evan. He stopped before they collided, the two moving to the living room together.

“Hey,” Connor offered a wave.

Evan smiled at him and returned the wave. Connor felt his stomach flutter and internally cursed himself out for it. He was acting like a high schooler. It was pathetic.

He had almost kissed Evan. At the tower. He had wanted to, and Evan hadn’t exactly seemed disgusted with them getting so close. He needed to get over it.

Maybe…maybe he could ask Evan to join him. Evan was one of his only friends, he was positive he wouldn’t be judged even if things went poorly. Miguel would better understand, but Evan was kind.

“Do you have plans?” Connor blurted out.

Evan blinked a few times, “Do I have…have I ever had plans in the entire time I’ve known you outside of brunch with my aunt?”

Connor shrugged, “I was just checking.”

Evan dropped down on the couch, “No. I don’t have plans. I was coming to ask what you wanted for dinner.”

Connor could feel his nerves returning, “Do you want to come to a museum with me tonight? I asked M to come but he’s being an asshole.”

Evan cocked his head to the side, “A museum? Um…sure.”

Connor felt his face split into a grin and he wasn’t able to stop it. Just knowing he wouldn’t be alone relieved a weight from his shoulders. Maybe tonight wouldn’t be a disaster after all. Connor went over the dress code with Evan before heading off to his room to get ready.

Why hadn’t he just asked Evan from the start? They lived together, they could go out to a museum.

Connor stepped into his shower and let the hot water cook his skin. He wanted tonight to be perfect. Or at the very least as far from disaster as possible. He scrubbed at his scalp and focused on keeping his nerves at bay. The first step to avoiding disaster was to not be one himself.

He blow dried his hair and stared at his reflection in the mirror as he did so. He had never strived for perfection like this before. But today was a time for change.

For nearly the past four years everything Connor did was shadowed by her. Connor being a success in weapon design was highlighted as being caused by her. Him “stepping up” with his parents recovering was something the media felt she could do better. Even his hair length was claimed to be in remembrance of her. Everything he did and achieved was never his own. He was in the shadow of a ghost.

And today he would step out of that shadow. Be his own person. Do something that she had never had a hand in. For once it would be him.

Connor repeatedly ran a brush through his hair until it looked and felt smooth. He walked into his closet and began searching his clothes, pondering between suits to pick from before deciding on a deep red one. He wanted to be a bit more unique tonight. Usually all black was his default, but not today. Not for this.

Connor buttoned his shirt and did up his tie before pulling on his jacket. He put rings on his fingers and slid on a few bracelets. He stared at himself in the mirror and pulled a practiced smile. He thought that he looked good. More put together than he had ever been over the past few years.

He walked back out to the living room as he fussed with his cufflinks. He stopped short at the sight of Evan. He had chosen a blue suit, offsetting his own. And he looked good. Connor was particularly fond of the coveted watermelon shirt, but blue was a fantastic color on Evan. He was gorgeous.

“Wow,” Connor forced his eyes to remain up for eye contact. “You…clean up nice.”

Evan grinned and motioned to Connor, “You’re not too bad yourself.”

The pair walked out to the car together and Connor had Zoe take control. He felt far too nervous to be focused on driving. Instead he drummed his fingers against the steering wheel and listened to the music playing from the car speakers.

“Is this…is it like a fancy museum?” Evan glanced over to him while they rolled down the street.

Connor looked out at the passing buildings, “The museum hosts galleries for younger and newer artists. There’s a whole book of shit to apply for a spot, and then the exhibits only stay for a few weeks. But it’s a chance for newer artists to have a chance at a more professional setting. We are going to a gallery opening.”

Evan hummed, content with his explanation of things. Connor chewed on his lower lip as they got closer to the museum. He did his best to act normal. Everything was fine. It wouldn’t be a disaster.

It was just starting to get properly dark as they pulled into a parking spot. Connor took in a deep breath before stepping out of the car. Evan followed him inside and they were directed to the gallery. Tonight was technically a quiet opening, not public. Longstanding supporters of the museum were in attendance, which was why everyone was dressed like it was a wedding.

“Good evening everyone,” an employee caught their attention. “We are now ready to begin. We hope you enjoy the self guided tour.”

Connor and Evan kept to the back of the small crowd. He let others begin to wander through the halls while he watched faces for reactions like a hawk. The older folks were hard to read, but he saw a few smiles. A handful of approving nods towards the pieces.

“Ready to look at art?” Connor asked with a small smile.

Evan was already glancing around at the strategic lighting, “Yeah!”

Connor held his breath as they began to walk through. Every step they took was another closer to the discovery if this was a dream or a nightmare. As they approached the nearest piece Connor watched Evan lock in. The way his eyes focused on the colors. And he smiled. Connor’s heart swelled a bit to know that Evan was enjoying this. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t want to ruin this moment, but he was beaming as he watched Evan examine the work.

They continued to walk down the halls and examine each piece. Connor watched Evan read the small description plaques and kept his eyes peeled for the others in attendance for how they were reacting. But as they walked Connor grew to care less. Evan liked it, the others didn’t matter like he did.

“What do you think?” Connor murmured, finally taking the risk of speaking.

“This is all beautiful, I’ve never…I don’t have the knowledge to say in proper terms how amazing this all is.” Evan was staring up at the ceiling. The further through the exhibit they went the more the lighting shifted to more dark purple and blue tones. They were in another world at this point. A blue stage light was perfectly casting over Evan and it made the whole event feel more special.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool.”

They turned a corner and were greeted with the last piece. The lighting shifted again, now adding hints of pink into the tone of the room. And sitting on the back wall was the largest piece in the exhibit. A large painting, twice Connor’s height. Framed in special lighting. A throne at the end of a journey.

“Woah,” Evan’s voice was soft as they got closer to the piece. “This is…I mean I said it already but this is beautiful.” Evan tilted his head to the side, “Y’know this kinda looks like…your sister.”

Connor nodded as he stared at the painting, “It is her.”

Evan raised his brows in surprise, turning to properly face Connor. “Do you know the artist? Were they someone close to her?”

Connor brought them to the corner of the piece. Scrawled in the corner was a tiny signature, CM. “I am the artist, Ev.”

Evan’s eyes went wide as saucers. Connor had to bite back laughter as Evan backed them into a corner. They stood against the wall and Evan took his hands in his own.

“You did all of this?” Evan motioned back down the hall towards the rest of the exhibit. The other onlookers were beginning to meander back towards the front. The room they were in was growing scarce.

“Yeah,” Connor kept his voice low.

“Connor, this is incredible!” Evan squeezed his hands. “Oh my god! Why didn’t you say something! I would have talked more! It’s one thing to look at art but a whole different thing to look at it with the guy who made it! We need to walk through again so I can do a better job!”

Connor was beaming, “I just didn’t want you to make up anything nice to say because it was me.”

Evan bounced on his toes. “You’re so talented. This whole thing has been incredible and I don’t know how to properly express how cool this is. You really can do anything and this event is so beautiful. I mean, even the music you picked out to play while people walk through is perfect.”

“I made the music,” Connor clarified. “Well, not like…originally. But I took the songs I wanted for this and transposed them to fit the event.”

“You’re incredible,” Evan let go of his hands and motioned to the large painting. “This must have taken you years to put together. God, this is all amazing! Holy shit! You’re not just a genius, you’re an artistic genius too!”

Connor wasn’t sure where his sense of logic went. Maybe it was the genuine kind words, maybe it was all the signs of caring ever since they met. Maybe it was just how the lighting framed them. Evan was a bit taller than him, but not by much. Connor stretched up a bit on his toes and leaned in for a kiss. The logic came crashing back in and Connor panicked. What the fuck was wrong with him—

Evan was kissing him back. Connor could feel a very hesitant hand on his hip. He opened his eyes—he couldn’t remember closing them—and found Evan staring right back at him. He reached his hands up and wrapped his arms around Evan’s shoulders, letting out a content hum as Evan’s hand on him became more sturdy.

“Connor—” Evan whispered his name when they pulled apart to breathe.

Connor practically melted as Evan ran a hand through his hair. Even more so when Evan took initiative and kissed him. He could feel his legs turning to jelly as he learned how Evan felt against him. He became breathless and ended up using Evan as a support for his weight. He hadn’t felt like this in a long time, and he never wanted these feelings to go away.

They made it out to the car as casually as they could, avoiding looking at the others who were still gathered at the front discussing the exhibit. He managed to get the back door open and dropped down in the seat with Evan right behind him.

“Zoe, take us home,” Connor managed to get out the request while Evan’s lips trailed up his neck.

“On it.”

He caught Evan’s lips again and couldn’t help but grin into the kiss as he was maneuvered to be laying down across the back seats. Connor almost felt like he was floating, he felt so light. The world fell away. He lost track of time, the only thing that mattered was Evan and him.

Eventually they made it back to the house. Evan fumbled to get the door open and they stumbled back out. Evan had lost his suit jacket and his shirt was half way untucked. Connor glanced at himself and found he was in a similar state. He yelped as Evan scooped him up into his arms and was carried inside.

He was brought into his room and unceremoniously dropped on his bed. It was rushed. Connor hardly felt like he was breathing. And maybe he wasn’t. It was fast, not tender, not careful. It was bad all things considered.

But it was fantastic. The world came back to Connor and he found himself struggling to catch his breath. His hair was tangled, he still somehow had his shirt on, and Evan was kneeling next to him on the floor next to the bed. Connor sat up and felt his spine popping as he moved, he looked over at Evan and found him with his forehead planted in the duvet. He was shaking.

“Evan?” Connor brushed a hand through his own hair to try and look more put together after having his entire world rocked. “Are you okay?”

Evan’s eyes peeked up at him and Connor felt his stomach turn at the sight of tears. Fuck. Was he hurt? Evan had a heart condition anything could have happened—

“I’m sorry.”

It was so quiet Connor almost missed it. Sorry? What the fuck?

“What?” Connor tried to keep his own panicking at bay. “Why are you sorry?”

“I shouldn’t have…it’s…I’m so sorry.”

“What are you talking about?” Connor was lost. Who the hell apologizes after fantastic sex? He slid off of the bed and kneeled next to Evan. As he reached for Evan’s shoulder it dawned on him. At least what he thought was wrong.

Evan thought that Connor was straight. He had never been told differently. All of society would have told him he was. It could stand to reason that with how horribly homophobic Evan’s childhood had been he thought he had done something wrong…

“Ev?” Connor moved his hand to cup Evan’s jaw. He brushed his thumb over Evan’s cheek and offered a reassuring smile. “I’m gay.”

Evan’s breath stuttered, “You are?”

Connor nodded, “Yeah. You’re okay, you didn’t do anything wrong. I promise. Please don’t be sorry.”

Evan’s head fell against his shoulder and Connor wrapped his arms around him. He brushed his fingers through Evan’s hair, and he found that the shaved back of his head was a fun sensation. They lingered in the embrace for a few minutes before Evan pulled back out and started to get up.

“I should…go,” Evan mumbled while reaching for his discarded clothing. How had Evan lost more clothing than him?

Connor reached for Evan’s hand and held it between his own. He didn’t want Evan to leave. “Please stay?”

Evan’s eyes grew soft. “You want me to stay?”

Connor nodded, “Please.”

He smiled a bit, small and shy. “I…can I grab pajamas?”

Connor nodded, “Obviously. I should…” he wrinkled his nose to find he was actually pretty disgusting. “Clean up.”

Evan chewed on his lower lip, “Is there anything I should…help with?”

Connor up and shook his head. “I’ve got it this time. Thanks.”

Evan finished gathering up his things and left the room. Connor meandered his way to his dresser and pulled out an oversized hoodie and a pair of athletic shorts before heading into the bathroom. He briefly showered off and took his time getting ready for bed. When he walked back into the bedroom he found Evan standing in the doorway. Connor climbed into bed and scooted to the left, patting for Evan to join him on the right. They snuggled up under the blankets and Connor couldn’t help but find it easy. Evan’s hand weaved into his hair and lightly scratched at the scalp, causing him to melt. He buried his face against Evan and tangled their legs together. It felt…perfect.

“G’night Ev,” Connor spoke through a yawn.

Evan’s lips pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Good night.”

Chapter Text

Connor woke up slowly, frowning at all the light coming in from his big bedroom windows. He blinked a few times before turning away from the window and facing the door instead. His room was silent. Empty.

Maybe the night prior had been…a really vivid dream. Where he kissed Evan and had sex with Evan and had fallen asleep with Evan. Dreams didn’t usually leave him with his hips acing.

Evan had left. Connor bit down on his cheek. It was fine. Evan didn’t have to…he wasn’t obligated to Connor’s request. He was a grown man who could make his own decisions. Connor was the one begging for attention. He let his eyes close and tried to quell his racing thoughts. It was fine. He was fine.

Connor went stiff as he heard a door open. He heard feet on the floor, and then the bed dipped a bit. The duvet was pulled up to better rest on his shoulder and then he was pulled a bit forward. Connor relaxed into Evan’s hold, biting back a smile. Evan had just been in the bathroom.

He let himself enjoy being held for a few more minutes. Miguel always had to leave right away, he never had time to stay and just cuddle. Connor enjoyed the mundane.

Eventually Connor pretended to wake up. He wanted to see if Evan would still be willing to stay if he was awake. He stretched before opening his eyes. He found Evan smiling at him and one hand moved to run through his hair.

“Hi,” Connor kept his volume low.

“Hey,” Evan smiled a bit wider. “Did I wake you?”

“No,” Connor felt giddy. “Sleep good?”

Evan propped himself up with one arm, “I haven’t slept that well since before I was shipped off across the globe.”

“Oh?” Connor was keen to listen. He hated himself for acting like this, but he really did act like a teenager when he liked people. He couldn’t remember the last time he was willing to act so…different. He didn’t feel any desire to be who he always was. He wanted to be better.

Evan’s hand slid away from his scalp and moved to Connor’s face. A thumb brushed over his cheek while he looked at the sheets they were laying on. “Yeah. I mean…I know I’ve been here for a while. But…growing up I had a bed that felt like rocks. I didn’t know it was uncomfortable because it was all I had known. And then in the military…sometimes it was a shitty cot and sometimes it was actual rocks. It varied, sometimes I got a pillow with actual fluff to it. I moved around a lot.” Evan’s eyes drifted up and found Connor’s again. “Having nice things is new to me, and a bed that feels like clouds almost feels wrong. For the past few months…I’ve always been cold. Sleep makes me…I mean I wake up shivering most of the time. This is the first night since…I felt warm. It was nice.”

“I’m glad you slept well,” Connor whispered as he placed his own hand over the one Evan had against his jaw.

Evan started to move, holding himself up over Connor with one hand. Connor did all he could to not grin like an idiot as Evan leaned down to kiss him. He was a grown ass man, he didn’t need to act like this was his first time waking up with someone.

The kisses they shared were lazy and slow, the opposite of the night prior. There was no rush, no panic of if the situation was real or if it would last. Connor hooked a leg around Evan’s hip and pulled him down so he didn’t need to hold himself up. He saw no reason to waste energy in that way.

“Holy shit, how are you real?” Connor mused, running one hand over Evan’s arm. He hadn’t ever taken himself to enjoy muscular men, but Evan was an exception.

“I wish I could tell you,” Evan chuckled as he pressed his lips across Connor’s face.

“Agent Rivera is calling,” Zoe beeped from the speakers and startled both of them.

“Seriously?” Connor rubbed at his eyes as Evan rolled back over to the other side of the bed.

“It’s actually pretty late, I…I’m going for a run,” Evan got up and started towards the door.

“Ev—”

“I’ll be back for breakfast,” Evan assured him before heading out. Connor let out a huff and crossed his arms over his chest. This was ridiculous.

“Are you going to answer or not?” Zoe piped up again. “It wouldn’t kill you to keep it in your pants for once.”

Connor raised a middle finger to the ceiling. “Yeah, I’ll answer.”

“Hey,” Miguel’s voice filtered through the ceiling.

“What’s up?” Connor sat up and started to move around his room.

“I wanted to apologize again for not making it to the art opening,” Miguel’s voice felt…different. Lighter. Everything had been so heavy lately…it was nice to hear his old self for once. “I’ve been a very shitty friend to you lately. I know how you are, I know how important it was for you.”

If M had shown up he wouldn’t have been with Evan. “I…I’m fine. You don’t need to apologize. You’re busy working with superheroes and keeping my parents breathing. I just…maybe you’ll come see everything before they close the exhibit?”

“How about tonight?”

Connor reached for his phone and glanced at the date. “You said you couldn’t visit until the weekend.”

“I’m getting on a flight to Malibu in a few hours.”

Connor pinched the bridge of his nose, “What about my parents?”

“They’ve stated that they don’t want to be cooped up in the base anymore. They’ll have around the clock security and medical staff, and they’ll continue to recover from home.”

“M—”

“Your dad could even be back to work soon, Connor. Did you want to meet us at the airport? You can see them get home, and then we could have dinner and go to the exhibit?”

Connor fell back against his bed and stared up at the ceiling. His parents were coming home. Holy shit. “Um. Yeah. Text me your flight info.”

“Deal. I’ll see you later today, Principito.”

“Cool.”

Zoe beeped to confirm the call had ended. Connor continued to stare at the ceiling. Holy shit. His parents were coming home.

This was his chance to tell them about the weapons. He could get a grip on things. Stop the damage before things got worse.

Connor managed to get himself back up and started getting ready for the day. He felt…good. It had been so long since he had such a positive outlook. The closest to it was going to the orchard with Evan, and that had mostly been fueled by nostalgia. A desire to try and remember the good things.

Connor traipsed his way into the kitchen and glanced around. He felt like cooking for once. He never bothered, and the need to provide for himself had all but vanished with Evan around. Connor started digging around and found a lot of meat substitutes in his fridge. He hadn’t realized Evan went out of his way to try so many different options.

Connor hummed to himself while he whipped up pancakes and turkey patties. He didn’t mind mixing flavors too much so he set his own plant based turkey in the pan next to Evan’s.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re pathetic?” Zoe’s voice tried to piss him off.

“Yeah. Myself every day in the mirror. And you.”

“I’m an extension of your memories, dumbass.”

Connor grabbed plates from a cabinet, “Shut the fuck up.”

While waiting for their food to cook Connor started the coffee maker. He grabbed mugs for them both and set them next to the machine so they didn’t have to go searching once everything was ready.

“You can actually cook?”

Connor flinched and nearly dropped a spatula. “Fuck! Damnit Evan, you can’t just scare people like that!”

Evan was still dressed in his sweats, and apparently today he had chosen to run shirtless. Connor had to remind himself not to stare.

“Sorry,” Evan offered a small smile. “I just…I mean I’ve only ever seen you make a frozen pizza. And I feel like that would be hard to mess up.”

“My sister once put the cardboard in the oven. We were seventeen,” Connor kept his tone bland as he recounted the story. “If I hadn’t caught her she would have burned down the whole house.”

Evan’s brows shot up, “Oh.”

“But, yeah. I can cook. I just don’t ever have the energy to,” Connor clarified while loading plates with food. “Or I just don’t see the point in it. Now sit down and eat.”

Evan gave a mock salute before dropping into a chair. Connor filled the mugs with coffee and passed one to Evan before taking his own seat. He didn’t want to speak, he was scared of saying the wrong thing. Evan looked over at him a few times as if he wanted to say something, but no words were ever shared.

“Damnit,” Evan muttered to himself as he pushed his plate aside.

“What?” Connor glanced over in confusion. “Am I that shitty at cooking?”

“No. You’re great at that too,” Evan looked down at his lap. “I just…modern relationships confuse the hell out of me.”

“Relationships?”

Evan pointed. “Exactly. It’s that stuff. When I was growing up there were rules. You courted people. And you didn’t ask someone out unless you were serious about it. No one wanted to be a floozy.”

“Evan, you’re younger than me. And who the fuck says floozy?”

“I…That’s not the point,” Evan picked up his mug and took a drink before continuing. “I just don’t know what’s going on right now. Between us. And I don’t like not understanding things.”

Connor took a sip from his own mug, “Has anyone ever told you that you’re…very anxious? You’re good at hiding it, but you’re anxious as hell.”

“…Anxious?”

Oh fuck not again. Connor set his mug down and properly turned to face Evan.

“I’m not…a doctor. But…you just seem anxious. Were you ever screened for anxiety in the past? Or…any mental health concerns?”

“I…I don’t…mental health. I don’t know…”

That was what Connor was worried about. “Okay. So…you mentioned that you used to struggle when talking to people outside of home? That…it could be social anxiety. Or maybe your dad was actually enough of an asshole to traumatize you in the way you think as an adult. I’m not saying it is anxiety. But…consider looking into it.”

Evan nodded, “I…okay.”

Connor smiled, “Thank you.” He finished off his mug before scooting his chair a bit closer to Evan’s. “And as for modern relationships as you so eloquently put it…what do you want?”

Evan blinked, “What…what do you want?”

“I think I can be more flexible with my wants. I’ll share what I want, but I feel like your goals should take the focus for now. Just to help figure things out.”

Evan stared at the table for a moment as he thought. Connor kept quiet and let him figure things out. He didn’t want to push too hard in the wrong direction and end up ruining everything.

“I like you,” Evan stated. Connor nodded in hopes of encouraging him to keep talking. “I’d like…more of what we’ve had going on since last night. Um, y’know, kissing. And sex.”

Connor reached for Evan’s hand, “I’d like that too.” He brushed his thumb over Evan’s knuckles. “…You don’t have to answer this, but was last night your first time?”

Evan decided that the table was very interesting to look at. “Um. Technically? No.”

“First time with another guy?”

“…No.”

Connor chuckled, “Captain Hansen, you sly dog. What lucky guy did you break the heart of?”

Evan shrugged, “It was the military, I didn’t think it counted.”

Connor’s eyebrows shot up, “You said you didn’t know you were gay until after we met!”

“It was the military! Everyone else said it was normal and didn’t count!” Evan was turning red in the face.

“Cap, that’s the gayest shit ever!” Connor was failing at holding back his laughter. “Holy shit, you’re adorable!”

Connor continued to laugh, watching as Evan’s gaze finally relaxed enough to meet his own. Connor calmed down as Evan properly intertwined their fingers. Right, serious conversation. Setting boundaries.

“Sorry,” Connor cleared his throat. “So, we seem to be on the same page so far. Kissing is nice, and the sex is very good.”

“I just—” Evan cut himself off and looked away again.

“Hey, Ev. I’m not going to get upset with whatever it is you want to say.”

Evan looked at the floor, “I just…I don’t like the idea of sleeping with multiple people? I know people do that and it’s fine, but it just makes me uncomfortable when I’m involved. I wouldn’t want to be on either end.”

Connor squeezed the hand that was wrapped in his, “I’m not all that fond of it either. I’d rather put all my focus on one relationship and know I’m getting the same in return. I know I’ve got a reputation, but like most public knowledge of me…it’s false.”

Evan found his eyes again, “Okay. I…I think that’s all?”

Connor smiled, “So…casual monogamous romance?”

Evan looked confused again, “Casual?”

Right. Evan was old school. The more clarification the better. “Casual as in I don’t want labels. Not casual as in I don’t give a shit. Is that okay?”

Evan nodded, “Oh. Yeah, that’s okay.”

Connor stood and pulled Evan up to join him. He stretched up a bit on his toes and leaned in to press his lips against Evan’s. Evan pulled him close and Connor let out a hum as his hands trailed up Evan’s back. Christ he was a piece of meat. How had he managed it? He knew Evan didn’t use steroids but the guy was impressively muscular.

They cleaned up breakfast together before splitting up. Connor made his way down to the workshop while Evan went about his business. Waiting for him in the workshop was the newly built Mark Ⅱ armor. The ashy gray still complimented the red of the armor, though there was a part of Connor that missed the gold of the original suit. The new armor brought so many improvements that what he missed of the original wouldn’t be noticed in the long run. Things were more sleek, efficient, and the assembly was easier.

He spent the morning adjusting the UI to better fit what he found convenient. Sometimes it was the smaller things that bothered him the most, and having everything perfected visually before his first flight in the suit would be ideal.

“Message from Miguel, sounds like he’ll be landing within an hour.”

Connor looked up from his computer, “Fuck. Already?”

“It looks like they took a SHIELD vehicle. I’d get moving, dumbass.”

“Let Hansen know.” Connor got to his feet and hurried up to his room. He inspected his appearance to make sure he didn’t look like shit. He didn’t typically care all that much how he looked, but he didn’t feel like letting his parents see him as a disaster. Not today, not when how he was doing was going to matter to them the most.

Evan was waiting in the garage for him. Connor glanced at his car and tilted his head to the side. It would be a tight squeeze with all five of them, that is assuming Miguel wanted him to drive them back to the house.

“How about you go get Aunt Heidi,” Connor motioned to Evan’s bike. “Meet us at the house?”

Evan nodded, “Okay. Sounds good.” He walked over to the motorcycle and dropped down on the seat. “See you in a bit.”

Connor gave himself the chance to watch Evan ride off down the driveway. That was hot too, what the fuck. He slid into the driver’s seat and took off towards the airport. It felt weird to be in the car without Evan for once. They went everywhere together these days. Connor found himself glancing over at the passenger seat frequently as a way to search for his babysitter.

Connor was allowed access to the private airstrip to watch the jet land. It looked similar to the jet he had ridden in when on his last trip with Captain. He had to admit that SHIELD had some interesting vehicles. He could see how they worked to try and maximize efficient landings and take offs.

Miguel was dressed in a suit, much like at the start of this whole disaster. But he was smiling as he walked off the jet. Connor held out a hand for him to shake as to keep up appearances. He glanced up at his parents, smiling to see them standing. Cynthia still clutched at her torso, she was visibly sore, but she was walking. Agents helped escort them down to the ground, though Larry was visibly much better off.

Connor hadn't spoken to his father all that much since watching him wake up. He was still pissed. The moment he knew Connor wasn’t dead all care for him had gone out the window. It was business first as usual. But for now he could play nice. Despite his issues, it was a relief to see them both standing.

“Connor,” Larry held out his hand as an offer to shake. Connor hesitated for a moment before accepting. Handshakes were safe.

“Hey Dad.”

Cynthia approached and reached a hand up to pat his cheek, “Hello darling.”

Connor offered her a small smile, “Hi Mom.”

Connor did his best to ignore the tiny army of agents following them from a distance. He and Miguel brought his parents out to the car and helped them settle in. He kept his mouth shut for the drive, not wanting to ruin anything. He just wanted to get them home alive.

Evan’s bike and Aunt Heidi’s car were in the driveway when they pulled up. Connor unlocked the house while Miguel helped Cynthia inside. The place was still perfectly clean, if not for the chill in the air Connor could have been convinced that his family had never left.

“Welcome home, darling!” Aunt Heidi came rushing into the room and wrapped her arms around Cynthia. “Oh, it’s so good to see you up!”

Cynthia hugged the older woman back, “It’s good to be home.

Larry joined in on the affection and the trio began talking. Connor backed towards the kitchen to let them be. He wouldn’t just up and leave, but he didn’t want to interrupt.

“Hey,” Miguel followed him into the kitchen and pulled him in for a hug. “Fuck, man. I missed us being normal.”

Connor laughed, “I missed that too.”

Miguel pulled back a bit and inspected his face. Connor chuckled as Miguel tilted his face around. He had no idea what was going on.

“Holy shit,” Miguel sounded shocked. “You got laid.”

Connor sputtered, “What?”

“You did! Holy shit! Connor Lawrence Murphy, you little hoe!”

Connor motioned for Miguel to shut up, “My parents are in the building, shut the fuck up.”

Miguel shot him a wicked grin, “I want all the details. It’s not every day that you trust a guy enough to welcome him into your bedroom.”

“God, you’re a bastard,” Connor laughed as he went digging through his parents' cabinets. He wanted a drink. He located an old bottle and set it on the counter before beginning his search for glasses. While his back was turned he heard footsteps on the floor.

“Agent Rivera,” Evan’s voice hit his ears.

“Captain Hansen,” Miguel returned the greeting.

Connor set a handful of glasses on the counter and motioned around to see if the other two wanted anything. They both shook their heads. Connor made himself a drink and left the remaining glasses out in case someone else wanted something.

They walked out into the sitting room and found his parents still talking with Aunt Heidi. He found himself a seat on a chair and ignored the pointed look Cynthia gave him when she spotted his glass.

“Evan, you’ve never been to the house before,” Heidi looked up at her nephew with a small smile. “Let me give you a tour.”

Evan and Heidi left the room together, Connor now having to pay attention to his parents.

“I’m going to talk with the security team, I’ll be back.” Miguel was quick to make himself scarce.

Now it was just them. Parents and their remaining child.

“How has running the company been?” Larry asked, eyes bright. “I know this hasn’t been an ideal situation, but this has been a wonderful chance to learn about what running the company will be like once we retire.”

“It…I mean, it’s hard. But I haven’t hated it,” Connor shrugged and took a sip from his drink. “I wanted…to talk to you guys. About something serious.”

Cynthia actually turned to properly face him. Holy shit, they were going to listen to him.

“It’s…about the weapons department,” Connor didn’t quite know where to begin. “We have a lot of missing inventory. And someone somewhere is taking the uncounted inventory and selling it to bad people—”

“Connor, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” Cynthia shut him down.

“I have the numbers to prove it—”

“No. Why do you always do this?!” Cynthia slowly stood from her spot on the couch. “Things finally get better and you have to come in with your attention seeking schtick and make up lies so we feel bad!”

“I’m not lying—”

“I’m not playing into your fantasy, Connor!” Cynthia pivoted and started walking away. “Our family built a good company and all you’ve ever wanted was to ruin it!”

Cynthia hobbled away, Connor hearing a distant door slam. He had hardly gotten a chance to explain.

“Connor,” Larry stood and approached him.

“I’m not lying, Dad,” Connor looked up at his father. “It’s bad. People are dying. They’re all weapons that I designed I need to do something—”

Larry placed a hand on his shoulder, “Have you told anyone else about this?”

“No, I can’t do much because you still technically hold power. Dad, please. I know I’ve done stupid shit before but this is serious!”

Larry patted his shoulder, “Let’s talk about this in my office. I’ll listen, I want to believe you, but I need an explanation.”

They walked into the office and Connor sat across from his father at the desk. Larry motioned for Connor to speak and he jumped into his findings. He set his phone down on the desk and used small projections to share what he had discovered. He rambled his way through the fake inventory reports and how he had traced the weapons signature. He pointed out each horrible event he had been able to tie to his weapons. Every time that someone who shouldn’t have their weapons did.

“Fuck,” Larry covered his mouth with one hand as the footage of the destroyed city played on the projected screen. “This was something you designed?”

Connor hung his head, “If Iron Man hadn’t shown up I think it could have gotten worse.”

Larry leaned back in his desk chair, “Iron Man. I’ve heard…I mean at that base I heard a few whispers. A metal man. Is that even…I could only imagine something like that. Captain is alive and now we have a metal man.”

“He’s real,” Connor nodded. “I can show you footage?”

Larry nodded, “Yeah. Give me something to watch while I think.”

Connor grabbed his phone back and switched to what footage he could access from SHIELD of his armor. He let the grainy video play on the projections while Larry pondered what Connor had shown him.

“What do you think the best option is for us?” Larry asked, turning off the phone.

Connor reached for the device and pocketed it, “I think we need to do a thorough investigation. And I think shutting down the weapons department, at least temporarily, would be a good way to weed out whoever is behind this. It would send whoever the guilty party is into panic mode. I know it seems extreme—”

“We need extreme,” Larry nodded. “I’m fine with selling weapons, but not when it isn’t done by the books. That…” Larry stood and pointed his finger down to where the phone had been placed. “That footage should never have existed. Give me some time, your mother still isn’t well. We can fix this, Connor.”

Connor felt his heart beating in his chest, “Thanks.”

Larry rounded the desk and stood in front of him, “You’ve done a good job running things—”

“No. Just…thanks for listening. And believing me,” Connor clarified.

He went stiff as his father pulled him into a hug. They didn’t do hugs. Connor didn’t like hugs. It felt weird and wrong. Larry didn’t seem to think so.

“I’m going to be better, I promise.” Larry’s voice was soft and muffled from the hug. “I’m sorry it took me so long to figure out I was doing things wrong. I love you, Connor.”

Connor typically found that he had a good grip on things. He had conditioned himself heavily to not react as much when in public. He knew of his own history and beat himself every time he slipped up when in public. Getting upset in his own home was one thing, being in a public space was another.

He hadn’t realized that he had wanted to hear those words. Connor squeezed his father tight and hid his face against the older man’s shoulder. He bit down on his cheek to keep from crying. He didn’t want to cry, not over something so small.

“Bud, I’ve got stitches—” Larry wheezed in response to Connor squeezing him.

Connor let go and took a step back. “Fuck. Sorry.”

Larry reached a hand up and ruffled his hair. It was something he used to do when Connor had been little. That had been how he would greet his son when he returned from trips to school. A side hug and ruffled hair. Now Connor was a bit taller than his father and ruffling his hair just made it a mess. But there was a sense of nostalgia in the air.

A desire to remember the good.

“Walk with me?” Larry motioned with his head to the office door.

Connor shrugged and let his dad lead them out. They traipsed through the house and out into the massive garage. While housing vehicles the space also included a separate space that Connor equivilated to his workshop at home. The original blueprints that kick started his parents’ career hung on the wall, framed with pride. It was always a bit strange growing up. His dad had always been the builder, but Cynthia was a chemist at heart. With the business being as profitable as current standings she didn’t need to get her hands dirty anymore, but Connor could see evidence of them both tinkering in the past. Both of them had focused on their chosen science and worked together on the business aspect. They were a team.

“Heidi was telling me that you asked Evan to host the baseball practices,” Larry said, beginning to search his shelves. “And apparently you attended?”

“I sat on the bleachers the whole time, but yeah,” Connor shrugged and seated himself on a stool with wheels. “And I mean, Evan likes baseball. I don’t…he doesn’t talk about hobbies a lot. But he likes baseball, and he likes trees.”

Larry turned back over his shoulder, “So you and Evan…you get along?”

Better than he would ever know. “Uh. Yeah. I guess so.”

“You guys talk?”

Connor spun his stool in circles. “He cooks for me, the least I could do is lend him some conversation. Y’know, since I’m not the one paying him.”

“Good to know,” Larry crouched a bit and retrieved a box. “Aha! Found it!”

Connor stopped spinning and watched his father place the box down on one of the workbenches. Larry lifted the worn lid and pulled out a faded gift bag. Larry turned and handed the bag to Connor.

“Um…” Connor opened the bag and found a baseball glove inside. “Wow?”

“I bought this glove…god, it feels like a thousand years ago now.” Larry pulled up another stool and sat next to him. “I can’t remember if it was a birthday or Christmas to be honest…it could have been a school celebration. Like when you kept testing out of grades?” He pulled out the glove from the bag and outstretched his arm to offer it to Connor. “I thought we would play catch…but you never even took it out of the bag. It still has the tag on it.”

Connor took the glove and examined it. There was still a tag attached despite clearly not being new. He never remembered…

“You don’t have a glove, you’ll need this for the game,” Larry patted his shoulder.

Connor wrinkled his nose, “What part of I sat on the bleachers the whole time did you not understand? I’m not playing in your weird little company game.”

“I can’t say if I’ll be up for throwing the first pitch, it’s family tradition.”

Connor rolled his eyes, “You’re an asshole.”

Larry got up from his stool and ruffled Connor’s hair again, “You got it from somewhere, Bud.”

✩

“Ma, at least fifteen SHIELD agents will be there,” Evan brushed off her worries. “It’s fine.”

“If Larry and Cynthia are going to be in public you shouldn’t be there,” Heidi was firm.

“It’s not public, it’s a company event,” Evan pressed a kiss to her cheek before starting towards the door. “I was always too weak to play baseball as a kid. Now I can as an adult and have fun. Where’s the issue?”

“You could be killed—”

“That many witnesses? Jared might not be himself but he’s not stupid.”

Heidi crossed her arms over her chest, “I don’t think it’s safe.”

Evan pressed his lips into a line, “Does it help if I say Agent Rivera will be there?”

“No.”

“You’re welcome to join me,” Evan offered up another option. “You can patrol the area with the agents and come whisk me away to safety if you see anything.”

Heidi rubbed at her temples, “Just…hang on.”

Evan watched as his mother hurried off through the house. It always shocked him how fast she was given her old age. She returned with a box in her hands. Evan accepted the box when offered to him and he lifted the lid. Inside sat a folded shirt. Evan set the box down and pulled the shirt to examine it.

When Evan was younger, right after his dad had left the picture, Heidi had splurged and given him a Dodgers baseball jersey. It had never fit him right, clearly meant for an adult. And even as Evan grew older he had been so sickly that he never quite managed to make the jersey work.

“If that thing doesn’t fit you now I’ve officially wasted my money,” Heidi stated. “And my time for pulling this out of storage.”

Evan chuckled and pulled on the jersey over his shirt. Thankfully it fit. It smelled musty, but it fit. Heidi brushed her hands over his shoulders and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

“There. Ready for baseball. Of all the stupid things to risk your life over.”

Evan motioned to the front door, “Come with me, Ma. Please.”

Heidi hung her head, “Fine. I’ll keep Cynthia company. Maybe they’ll be targeted instead of you.”

“That’s a horrible thing to say about your friends,” Evan wrinkled his nose at her.

Heidi shrugged, “I’m selfish, what can I say. I started SHIELD to find you, this isn’t new.”

They opted to drive separately. Heidi didn’t typically like to be out late and Evan couldn’t be sure what the plan would be after the game. He had a feeling Connor would want to leave right away, Evan was even shocked he was actually attending. But it had been confirmed over breakfast.

Evan pulled his bike into an empty parking spot at the rented ball field and started to walk towards the front gate. Cars were beginning to pile in, but there was still a bit of time to get ready. He could see a handful of people stretching through the fence.

“Hansen!”

Evan pivoted and glanced around. He spotted Connor in a far corner of the parking lot, mostly shaded by a tree. He was sitting on the hood of his car. Evan made his way over and offered a wave as he approached.

“Get in,” Connor got up and motioned to the passenger door.

Evan didn’t think twice. He opened the door and dropped into his usual seat. Connor sat on the driver’s side, the two of them not speaking as the hot summer air slowly cooked them from inside the vehicle.

“How the hell are you wearing that heavy jacket?” Evan gestured to the thick material covering Connor’s possibly nonexistent arms. Even in the single baby photo Evan had seen, Connor’s arms had been covered. There was a non zero chance Connor was just hands.

Connor ignored his question. “Fuck, this jersey looks ancient,” Connor’s fingers reached for the shirt Evan was wearing and ran up to the top button. He undid each one and smiled. “It looks better unbuttoned.”

Evan motioned to the logo on the shirt, “1955, only a few years before the team relocated to Los Angeles. Been in my family for decades now.”

“You’re such a nerd, Ev. Never change.” Connor almost seemed to be in disbelief as he grinned up at Evan.

He didn’t get a chance to think up a response before Connor moved in his seat and leaned in to kiss him. Evan’s hand reached for Connor, threading into his hair and resting the pads of his fingers against the back of the other man’s skull. He let out a small hum and let himself melt. Despite their discussion and agreement of a “casual” relationship they hadn’t done this much. Connor had been busy the past few days, locked away in the workshop. Evan hated himself for admittedly not noticing until he refused to appear for meals. But footage of Iron Man kept popping up and it caught his attention. There had been amble distractions.

Kissing Connor was…a wonderful experience. He felt like the world vanished beneath him. And to see those enchanting eyes that usually were usually weighed down by sadness light up? Evan was the strongest man in existence, but those eyes made him weak.

He thought about their frantic and desperate first night, and Evan played back the smaller details in his mind. The reactions Connor had to specific actions. He was determined that when he got the opportunity he would do a better job. He would make everything perfect for Connor. It was more than deserved, Connor was strong and deserved perfection. Especially if he was going to pick someone as pathetic as Evan to share those reactions with.

He was too nervous to initiate anything, of what little action made between them the past few days Connor always started it. Evan was more than happy to just listen and follow along in the regard of their romance. He didn’t know what was the right thing most of the time, but Connor was good at clarifying what he liked.

“Agent Rivera has arrived,” Zoe’s voice beeped from the car radio speakers.

Connor had been in the process of climbing over the center console to try and get into Evan’s seat with him, but he slid back down to his own and smacked the steering wheel. “Would it kill you to not cockblock me?”

“Would you rather your parents and Agent Rivera find you being fucked by your boy toy in the parking lot at a company event?”

“No!” Both of them responded to the computer.

Evan looked down and clenched his hands into fists, “Sorry.”

Connor cocked his head to the side, “What are you sorry for?”

Evan shrugged, “Just…causing problems.”

Connor reached for his jaw and turned Evan’s head to look at him. “Never apologize for me thinking you’re hot.” He leaned in again and pressed a chaste kiss on his lips before falling back into his seat once more. “We should get going though.”

Evan nodded and they got out of the car. They walked in time as the parking lot turned to the lush grass of the field. Evan could smell a grill, he spotted a handful of staff members cooking off to the side. It looked like Cynthia was in the mix, smiling and talking with her employees.

“Connor!” Alana rushed over to them with a bright grin on her face. “You didn’t tell me your parents were coming!”

Connor blinked a few times, “I’m honestly shocked they didn’t tell you before me. You’re their golden goose.”

Alana laughed, “Oh please. I just help with the business. You’re the smart guy.” She tossed her braids over one shoulder. “Aren’t you hot? Did you need sunscreen? I packed extra in case.”

“I’ll be hiding in the shade, not needed,” Connor was blunt. “Once my dad is back to work I’ll be returning to our regularly scheduled Connor doesn’t show up program. No more board, no more government contracts, it’s what we all want.”

Alana crossed her arms over her chest. “I think you did a good job. You were thrown into an impossible situation and kept the company stable—”

“I should have done more,” Connor marched past her towards the bleachers. Evan followed his retreat with his eyes and found Connor approaching his father and Miguel. The pair were sitting on the bottom row of bleachers with Heidi behind them.

“Damnit,” Alana grumbled.

Evan looked over at her, “What?”

Alana lifted her glasses up to rest on her forehead so she could rub at her eyes. “I’ve been trying. For years. Just to nudge him forward. I send emails, I encourage his work, and he always walks away. Y’know…Zoe used to tell me he was impossible. But…I still let myself think that deep down he does know how good he’s done.”

Evan glanced back at Connor and chewed on his lower lip. “He’s got a lot to live up to. And sometimes…even if you’re made to fill a certain role, or…you’re told who and what you are…it doesn’t feel right. Connor isn’t impossible, he’s the most talented man I’ve ever met. He’s stressed out. I don’t think it’ll ever be how it was before, but I wouldn’t blame him if he just wanted some peace and quiet for a while after the dust settles.”

“You’re very…wise for your age, Captain Hansen,” Alana mused.

Evan placed a hand over his heart, “I’m an old soul deep down.” Alana chuckled and he cracked a grin. “Nah, honestly it’s just…I’ve been there. You are who the public wants you to be. But inside you just…”

“Feel invisible? Like nobody would notice if the real you vanished into thin air?”

Evan rocked on his heels, “Damn. I mean, yeah. Hit the nail on the head there.”

Alana narrowed her brows as she lowered her glasses back down, “Where are you from?”

“Brooklyn.”

Alana pointed to herself, “Queens.”

A recording of ball park music began playing and they both jumped to attention. Evan made his way over to his designated team and Alana did the same. Larry walked to the pitcher's mound with a microphone in his hand, the cord dragging behind him.

“Good afternoon everyone,” Larry greeted the entire park, staff members and their families cheering in response. “It is so good to be standing again, and especially for such a beautiful day to play some baseball.” More cheers from the group. “I’ve been cleared to pitch once and that is all, if we want me back in the office we had better listen to the doctors.” Larry searched the crowd for a moment until he found Cynthia now sitting next to Heidi and applying pressure to her stomach. “Cynthia, my love. Heads or tails?”

“Heads!” Cynthia yelled out from her seat.

Larry pulled a coin from his pocket and flipped it, catching the piece of metal and peering into his palm. “Ooh, sorry darling. It’s tails. That means I pick first to bat. Captain Hansen, I’ve been hearing good things from the rest of the staff. Prove them right, your team bats first.”

The lineup was chosen randomly, though his teammates did encourage Evan to bat first. He heard Heidi cheering from her seat and glanced over at her while he picked up a bat. Miguel was leaned forward a bit in his seat, knowing what Evan was capable of. Connor was more leaned back, a small smirk on his face.

Evan practiced swinging while Alana’s team spread across the field. Alana was acting as third base, only likely to get any attention if someone was left handed. Once everyone was set Evan approached the home plate. This had been a sort of dream growing up. Actually playing in a game.

Larry threw the pitch, shockingly fast given his recovery state. Evan still swung, still connected. Evan’s strength caused the ball to go flying and he started to bolt around the bases. He was on his way to second base as he watched the ball hit the chainlink before falling to the ground. Evan easily rounded the remaining bases and earned his team a point. Those watching and those actively in the game cheered.

It was nice for the applause to be for him this time instead of Captain.

It was the most fun he had found himself having in what felt like years. Even without the irony of the ice, he hadn’t been able to enjoy himself in a public space since before being drafted. The day at the orchard with Connor had been wonderful, but this was a whole different context. And he loved it.

In the fourth inning Alana’s team was up by two. Evan was swapping from outfield to pitch as to give their current pitcher a break. He laughed as Larry got up from the stands and made his way down, asking to swap places with the current batter.

“Connor! Get your ass down here!” Larry yelled to his son.

Connor approached with confusion written across his face. He was still in that soft leather jacket, not paying any mind to the heat.

“Why am I here?” Connor spoke to his father.

Larry pointed to first base, “I can’t run. You should do it for me.”

“Dad—”

“Just be ready, Bud.”

Connor sighed but stepped out of bat radius without further complaint. Evan readied himself and gently tossed the ball. Larry swung and missed, gripping at his chest after the swing.

“Dad, go sit down,” Connor approached again.

“I’ve got this,” Larry was firm. “Back up.”

Connor backed away and the ball was retrieved for Evan. He pitched again, and this time Larry connected. The ball went flying and Larry motioned for Connor to run. The connection was a bit weak, hardly making it past the infield before dropping to the ground. Connor still somehow managed to scurry his way to second base. Everyone cheered as Larry dropped the bat and threw up an arm in triumph. Evan could see him playing through the game if he was in better standing, but he was visibly pained by the harsh movement.

The game ended with Alana’s team winning by one point. It was fun, and Evan couldn’t help but grin as he walked over to join his mother in the stands while the rest of the staff set up for the second game.

“That was fun,” Heidi squeezed his hand as he sat next to her.

“You play well, Evan,” Cynthia turned to face him. “I’m glad Connor had you helping set this up for us, Larry has always found the more casual events to be his favorite.”

“Thank you.”

“Hansen, come with me to get a beer,” Connor got up from his seat and motioned for Evan to follow.

Evan did as requested, the pair walking towards the grills and coolers set up off to the side. Connor glanced at the grills and wrinkled his nose.

“What?” Evan cocked his head to the side.

“Eh, I’m kind of hungry but…” Connor motioned to the grills. “I’m not stoned enough to try and eat a hot dog.”

Evan knocked his shoulder into Connor’s, “I told Alana to make sure we had vegetarian options. There are some safe options for you.”

Connor beamed at him, “Don’t make me want to kiss you, Ev.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

Connor flipped him off before approaching the tables where food was being prepared. Evan reached into a cooler and grabbed two glass bottles, casually opening them before passing one to Connor. In turn Connor passed him a paper plate that had a burger on it. They walked back to the stands and sat down next to each other as the second game started.

“Rude, you didn’t get me anything?” Miguel looked to Connor and placed a hand to his chest in mock offense.

“You’re working, Agent Rivera,” Connor sassed him back.

“Principito, you wound me.”

Watching was just as much fun as playing. Evan cheered for both teams, not bothering to care who was doing better. It was fun, it was normal, it was baseball.

When the game ended someone suggested going out. Whoever it was, Evan was shocked to find Connor in agreement to go. Evan bid his mother well before following Connor’s car through the city. They wound up at a quaint bar, the pair meeting up before walking inside.

Evan hadn’t been given the opportunity to see how Connor behaved when drinking in public yet. He watched the other man order drink after drink, Larry and Connor both taking turns buying rounds for their group. Evan couldn’t get drunk, but he still only sipped at his one drink. He didn’t want to risk anyone thinking he couldn’t drive.

“How on earth aren’t you dying, Connor?” Alana grimaced at the sight of Connor’s apparel. “It’s so hot in here.”

“I like to suffer,” Connor mumbled out, slumped over against their table.

“I think you should get home, you’ve all had enough,” Cynthia had been drinking iced tea the entire evening, the only one besides Evan who was sober at this point. “Darling, I’m growing sore.”

“No! I’m out with my son! I’m having a good time! And Lana’s here! And Evan!” Larry leaned forward over the table to attempt whispering to Evan. He was too drunk to notice the lack of volume change. “Holy shit, hiring you was the best decision we’ve made in years!”

“I’m glad you think so, Sir,” Evan kept polite.

“Larry, let’s go home,” Cynthia was firm. “Lana, dear, are you able to call yourself a ride home?”

Alana nodded, “Yep!” She loosely threw her arms around Cynthia. “It’s so nice to see you, Mrs. Murphy.”

Cynthia patted her head and wished the rest of the group farewell before dragging her husband outside. Evan watched as a group of SHIELD agents followed them. Connor stood suddenly and also started to follow. Evan made sure Alana had her phone before chasing after Connor. The man was stumbling towards his car.

“What are you doing?” Evan caught up and walked in time with the other man.

“I’m going to follow. I want to talk to my dad.”

“About what?”

“…Work shit. I—”

“Connor, you and your dad are both wasted. Work talk can wait until you’re sober,” Evan reached for his hand and squeezed it in an attempt to make him stop walking.

“This is important—”

“Connor. C’mon, I know you’re smart and all but you don’t need to work all the time.”

“The whole day today was spent not working! I’m going to my dad’s. Fuck off, Acorn. Are you in or are you out?”

Evan hung his head, “Yeah. If you really want to go. I’ll follow.”

He made sure Connor was buckled into his seat before walking back to his motorcycle. At least Connor wouldn’t be driving. They would make it to the house safely.

Connor walked in like a kid home from college, stumbling through the door and calling out for his father. Evan rationalized that it was probably a good thing Connor wanted to be with his dad. He was reaching out.

“Lawrence! Where the fuck are you?! Your house is fucking massive!” Connor poked his head into the garage before turning around and walking the other way. “Larry!”

Evan followed Connor up the stairs and down a hallway. He had been told by his mother that his was where Connor and Zoe’s rooms had been growing up, but they hadn’t gone inside. A door further down the hall was open and Connor started to stumble towards it.

They walked into the bedroom to find Larry holding a box in his hands while Cynthia was blocking his path.

“Honey,” Larry’s voice was slightly slurred, he was slumped over and swaying. “We need to take care of this—”

“Larry Murphy, but the box down!” Cynthia tried prying the box from his hands. “I want you out of here.”

“It’s been nearly four years—”

“She’s our daughter!” Cynthia managed to get hold of the box and set it down. “All you want is to clear out her things! What?! So we forget her!”

“You won’t forget her, fuck, she’s the only kid you care about these days,” Connor stumbled in and laid down on a fluffy rug. “She’s not coming back.”

Cynthia whipped her head around, processing that Evan and Connor had joined them. Evan chose to stand by the doorway, he wouldn’t get in the middle of this.

“Connor, now isn’t the time to be petty. Your sister—”

“Was a bitch.” Connor finished the sentence.

“Connor, please,” Larry sat on a desk chair and rubbed his eyes.

“You refuse to remember any of the good things,” Cynthia frowned at her son.

“Because there were no good things,” Connor argued back. “What were the good things?”

Cynthia crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t want to have this conversation in front of our employee.”

“What were the good things, Mom?” Connor kept pushing. “Tell me.”

“There were good things. She loved us.”

“She loved you, there’s a difference.”

Connor got up from the floor and started to walk towards the far end of the room, guitars were mounted to the wall and one sat merely leaning against it.

“Connor—”

“Do you not remember her calling me a monster? A freak? I wasn’t any better, I threatened to kill her a few times. We aren’t perfect! We never were!”

“Connor, enough,” Larry looked up at his son. “I’ll hire someone to clear out the room.”

“She hated me unless I was useful to her, it’s almost exactly the same as you now!” Connor said as he back over. “Just admit it, you’d have rather it been me! You and your golden child daughter, that’s what you want.”

Cynthia shook her head, “She didn’t hate you—”

Connor got in her face, shrugging off his jacket. “She all but said so when this happened.”

Connor pointed to one of his arms, but Evan wasn’t able to see what he was pointing at. His eyes locked on to Connor’s bicep. His arms were so thin. And…

“What did you do to your skin?” Cynthia gasped.

Connor’s arms were covered in ink. From the upper part of his forearms and clearly going past where his shirt sleeve cut off his upper arms. Evan could see a starry night sky painted across his right arm, a galaxy with a canvas of epidermis. The left arm showed more, an almost watercolor effect painting a forest melding into mechanical parts along the upper arm. Both arms were equally covered, you couldn’t see any clear skin until the lower part of his forearms. Perfect placement to be covered if Connor wanted to partially roll up his sleeves.

“What?” Connor glanced down, confused. “This isn’t new—”

“Why would you do this?”

Connor backed up and reached for his abandoned jacket, pulling it back on. “Fuck you, Mom.”

Connor marched out, Larry and Cynthia both calling out for him. Evan gave his employers a wave before following. Connor was on his way back to the car. Evan tailed him with his bike as they went back to the house. Connor didn’t grace him with conversation, marching into the house from the garage.

Evan followed and found Connor digging for more alcohol. Evan snatched his chosen bottle from him and set it down on the counter.

“Fuck off—”

Connor reached for the bottle but Evan cupped a hand to his cheek. He leaned in and pressed his lips to Connor’s, wanting him to forget about drinking for a few minutes. The plan worked, Connor abandoned his original mission and pressed himself against Evan. Arms wrapped around him and Evan relearned how Connor felt against him. He picked Connor up and legs wrapped around his middle.

The two managed to get into Connor’s room and Evan turned on a lamp for some light before joining the other man on the bed. He pulled Connor’s jacket and shirt off before tossing them aside. The tattoos went all the way up. The ink spread across his chest and dipped under his collarbones, again giving strategic placement to appear that his skin was clear when wearing a shirt.

Evan kneeled between Connor’s legs and traced his fingers over the the ink before him. He could recognize the ways the lines curved and the way the colors blended. Connor had designed the ink.

Evan had always been told growing up that tattoos were a bad thing, that they meant someone was dirty or bad. But Evan really couldn’t think that when Connor looked that beautiful. He knew Connor was good, he had turned his skin into a work of art.

“Did it hurt?” Evan whispered in the darkened room. The ink was highlighted by the warm light from the lamp.

Connor’s eyes were still slightly glazed, his breath still smelled of booze, but he at least appeared to be in the moment. “It burned a little, but I didn’t mind. The hard part was the healing process. So itchy.”

Evan leaned over and pressed gentle kisses over the ink, biting back a chuckle as Connor broke out in goosebumps. He continued down, almost making it to Connor’s ink free flesh when the other arm reached for his head and pulled him back up. He gladly accepted Connor’s mouth on his, groaning as Connor parted his lips.

“Fuck me,” Connor was almost begging.

And Evan really didn’t want to deny him.

Chapter Text

Evan could feel panic in his chest. He could feel pain, a sick stabbing feeling mixed with a cold burn. Water was filling the cockpit of the plane quickly, and his left arm was pinned beneath what appeared to be a large block of ice. He took in a deep breath before the water submerged him. It was so cold. He could see some water turning purple from his blood mixing in. His lungs began to burn with the desire to breathe.

Darkness took hold, Evan swore he could feel the freezing water begin to stick to his skin, ice solidifying and encasing him.

There was no goodbye. No chance to say anything. Evan shut his eyes against the cold burn. The darkness took him easily. If this was how he was going to die…

At least he wasn’t taking anyone with him. At least he could be with Jared again. And apologize.

Evan shot awake, shivering and his heart beating frantically. Usually the dreams weren’t that vivid. Or if they were, it was replaying Jared’s…accident. He couldn’t call it death anymore.

He got straight out of bed and tried to quell his shivering hands. Evan rushed through the house and made it out the sliding door on to the back patio. It was at the perfect angle for the morning sun. Evan sat against the heated stone and ducked his head to protect his eyes. He took in deep breaths and let the heat soak in. He pressed his hands flat against the warm stone and let his body relax. He was okay. It was warm.

He had only done this a few times. Usually the shivering was mild enough that he could ignore it, or going on his morning run was enough to stop the sensation. Today was just one of the more rough days. He would power through.

He heard the sliding door behind him but didn’t look up. He refused to move until he heard Connor’s footsteps approach and the other man dropped down next to him on the stone.

“You okay?” Connor’s voice was soft.

“Cold,” Evan mumbled.

Connor scooted closer and wrapped his arms around Evan. The embrace was welcome and Evan turned his head to hide against the other man’s neck. The sun was nice, but Connor’s body heat felt good too.

“Y’know…if you ever…um. Nevermind,” Connor cut off his own train of thought and brushed a hand over the back of Evan’s head.

Evan sat up, “What?”

Connor shrugged, “I just…you said you wake up cold a lot. But you don’t…or at least you haven’t when we sleep together. So…if you ever just want to…” Connor tucked his hair behind his ears, seemingly bashful. “I mean, you don’t have to, but if you want you can just sleep in my room. Even if we aren’t having sex. I…I personally don’t mind sharing. I like cuddling and you have quite the grip.”

Evan nodded, “I might take you up on that. Thanks.”

They sat together in the morning sun for another few minutes. Once Evan didn’t feel like he was frozen he stood, offering Connor his hand to help him up. Connor accepted and they walked back into the house together.

“Here,” Evan poured two mugs of coffee and passed one to Connor. He was about to sit down at the table when a thought crossed his mind. “Oh! Hang on!”

Evan hurried back to his room and grabbed the simple wrapped box sitting on his dresser. He slid back into the kitchen and set the box down in front of Connor. “Happy birthday.”

Connor was silent. His eyes grew wide, the edge of his mug still touching his lower lip like he was about to take a drink. Evan could see his fingers twitch as the heat from the mug began to burn his skin. Evan took the mug from him and set it down on the table.

“C’mon, open it.” Evan nudged him.

Connor dropped his hands to the table, “You didn’t need to get me anything.”

Evan shrugged, “I know. It’s not much, just open it.”

Connor unwrapped the box and pulled it open. Inside sat a few framed photos. All taken from the day of the baseball game. Connor and Larry smiling and hugging at the bar after. Heidi, Evan, and Connor at the game before leaving. One of their whole group sitting on the bleachers, even Miguel was sitting in frame and smiling.

“It’s hard to not notice you don’t have any photos on the walls,” Evan shrugged. “I figured having a few would be nice.”

Connor set the frames down before standing from his seat. Evan stayed in place, watching him quickly close the gap between them and press a kiss to his lips. He placed a hand at the small of Connor’s back and hummed into the kiss. This was nice.

There was still a part of him that worried each time Connor’s lips met his. Sudden shocks of fear, based on what he had grown up to know. But the more it happened the less scared he was. Connor treating him this way, their so called casual relationship, was one of the best things to happen in recent times. He was growing more comfortable with himself now that he understood that piece of his mind that had always felt out of place.

“You are very sweet,” Connor brushed his hand through the top of Evan’s hair where it was longer. He would need to get it cut soon, it was starting to grow messy. “The only people to care about my birthday in four years has been Miguel and Aunt Heidi.”

“Consider me ready to change that,” Evan hummed as a hand brushed over his face. “I also…um, I did some asking around. About the…anxiety thing.”

Connor moved back to his seat, “Yeah?”

Evan nodded, “I have an appointment later today. With…a therapist.”

Connor reached for his hand and squeezed, “Ev, that’s awesome!”

He shrugged, “I don’t really know how to feel about it. But…I trust you. And if this can help me be better…I’ll take that chance.”

Evan wanted the day to be about Connor. He wanted the day to be special. It made him sad to hear that Connor never got any birthday attention. He deserved so much appreciation.

He did everything he could to support Connor’s wants through the morning. But the other man seemed to want their usual routine. Quiet breakfast together before splitting up to go about work. With Larry working from home Connor’s workload had been lessened, but he still was pushing to do his best for the company. Evan could see nothing but pride for it.

He spent his morning in the gym. His mind didn’t wander if he kept himself busy, and the serum had made him energetic. He did pushups on the floor mindlessly, not thinking as he simply counted in his head.

Come afternoon he found himself getting ready for the appointment. He made his way out of the house and rode his way into the city. He had ended up reaching out to Miguel of all people. He seemed willing to help Evan with the potential anxiety issue, and with the secrets they shared it was easier to be more open as to why Evan might be a certain way.

Evan made his way to the simple building and walked inside. Inside was a simple looking receptionist desk, unassuming. Miguel was waiting beside the desk.

“Captain Hansen, follow me,” Miguel beckoned him to follow.

The pair walked up a flight of stairs and walked in to find another bustling SHIELD operation. Much smaller than the one in New York, only a few floors in the building to work with. Miguel led them into a small locker area and Evan changed shirts and pulled his helmet on. There was no need to put on the whole uniform, but his identity was still being protected. Even for this.

They went up another set of stairs and Evan was brought into a quaint office. Bland decor, nothing interesting except for the SHIELD logo plastered along different items. A gentleman was sitting at the desk, his features showing age. Evan could guess the man was probably only a few years younger than him.

“Captain, this is Dr. Sherman,” Miguel introduced them. “He’s been with SHIELD for over thirty years. Dr. Sherman, Captain.”

“A pleasure to meet you,” Evan stuck out his hand.

“Likewise,” Dr. Sherman accepted the handshake. “Of all the reasons to be pulled from retirement, this was one I couldn’t refuse.”

“I’ll leave you two be,” Miguel backed towards the door. “Cap, feel free to find me when you’re done.”

Evan was motioned to sit across from the doctor in a matching chair. It felt…weird. To be doing this.

“I can only imagine the things you could talk about,” Dr. Sherman smiled at him. “But let’s start with the basics. Why are you here?”

Evan looked at the other man and offered a small smile in return “I…have a colorful history. Obviously. Someone in my civilian life mentioned that I seem…anxious. There are so many things I don’t know about the world now, but I’ve been proven wrong in a lot of the things I used to think. So…maybe I’m wrong about what I was told about asking for…this kind of help. Maybe I can…have something not be right with me and still be the man I strive to be.”

The first appointment was mostly gathering history. Evan spoke of his father, his sickly and pathetic childhood, and being drafted. He didn’t mention Jared, didn’t mention his mother; he couldn’t risk anyone figuring out that he had living family. Or how close he was to a serial killer.

It felt good to talk about. To finally express how awful things had been. And Dr. Sherman didn’t seem to judge him for it. He kept notes, but his expression continued to read as welcoming.

“I’ve been informed that medications don’t work on you,” Dr. Sherman set his notepad down on the desk. “So unfortunately there isn’t much I can do in those terms. But what you’ve described, those awkward moments…I think it would be safe to say that you have been dealing with social anxiety for a long time. I can’t say for sure what all Project: Rebirth did to your brain chemistry, Captain, but I think if anything all it really did was help you internalize the anxiety. Your outward anxiety symptoms were replaced by negative thoughts that you kept to yourself.” He pulled off a pair of reading glasses and smiled. “I’d like to help you properly work through this. Not only would this help you be a better Captain, but you could even feel like…you. Whoever you end up being under that helmet. How about we pick this up in two weeks?”

Evan nodded, “Yeah. Thank you.”

“It’s been a pleasure.”

Evan left the office and made his way back into the locker room to change again. He meandered around the small base while searching for Miguel. He found the other man waiting in the front lobby, a gift bag now grasped in one hand.

“Did you know it’s Principito’s birthday?” Miguel asked as they walked outside together.

Evan retrieved his keys from his pocket. “I got him some photos to put up if he wants.”

“Weed brownies and a new sketchbook. He worked with so many mediums for the gallery, but he used to just draw. Pencil and paper.”

“Maybe we should pick him up dinner?” Evan suggested. “You could come over and join us.”

Miguel nodded, “Hell yeah, with the team helping with the parents I’ve got some time to kill. I’ll take care of it since you took your bike here.”

Evan twirled the key ring on his finger, “See you at the house.”

Evan enjoyed the afternoon sun on his drive home. He felt…good. A different kind of feeling. Something he couldn’t quite place.

He knew that one therapy appointment wouldn’t fix him, but maybe it was just the hope of things improving.

He was able to accept that he’s gay, he wasn’t being forced to serve, Jared was alive, he knew what had been troubling him through childhood, Connor’s parents were getting better, Connor in general. His life was finally turning around after over seventy years of uphill battle.

Evan drifted into the house and began searching for Connor. He defaulted his search to go downstairs, knocking on the closed workshop door. What was the point of Connor having the windows attached to the room if he always kept the curtains closed?

The heavy door opened and Connor appeared on the other side, “Hey. How was your appointment?”

“…Good,” Evan cracked a grin. “You were right, as usual. The doctor thinks I’ve had um…”

Saying things out loud was still a bit scary. To admit those things that made you different.

“Yeah?” Connor encouraged him to talk, his hands sliding up Evan’s chest and wrapping across his shoulders.

“Um…he said it’s probably social anxiety?” Evan felt a bit flustered saying it, but Connor was the one person he was fully confident wouldn’t judge him for it. “I…I still don’t know a whole lot about anxiety. We didn’t…use that word growing up. So, I’ll need to research.”

Connor’s fingers brushed over the back of his head, “Zoe or I could help if you want. Just let me know.”

Evan nodded, more focused on the glint in Connor’s eyes than the conversation. His hands found their way to Connor’s waist, and in a way it felt like perfection. Like coming home. Connor closed the gap between them and Evan’s grip became more sturdy. He slowly backed them into the room, blindly maneuvering around the cluttered tables until he found the couch. He let himself drop backwards and pulled Connor with him, the pair landing with an oof.

Connor propped himself up a bit with his forearms, a chuckle escaping his lips. Evan sat up just enough to slot their lips together like a puzzle piece. He moved his hands to reach for the zipper of Connor’s hoodie, wanting it off so he could see the artwork on his skin. Connor caught on and helped him, removing the jacket and tossing it over his shoulder.

He managed to get them flipped over, allowing Connor to rest his head against the nice pillows while Evan traced over what bits of ink he could see. They aren’t kissing anymore, but it still feels intimate. The fact that Connor kept them hidden so often was likely attributed to it.

Will you ever get more?” Evan kept his volume low as he brushed his fingers over the forest on the left arm. Now he can recognize bits of detail, it’s not quite a forest. It’s an orchard. The orchard.

Connor hummed, “Oh yeah. When I do, you'll have to leave them alone until they heal.”

Evan could do that. He wanted to ask more questions, learn where Connor would put them. He wanted to see the sketches. But he settled for just learning how the colorful skin felt under his touch.

“Does this…bother you?” Evan paused his movement.

Connor shook his head, the pair making easy eye contact. “I never really…simple affection has never been in my wheelhouse. I like it.”

Evan leaned over and pressed a kiss to Connor’s chin. “I’m more than happy to give.”

“Aww, you two are just adorable.”

Usually Zoe’s voice didn’t startle him, but Evan saw movement in his peripheral vision and looked over. His heart jumped to his throat at the sight of a ghostly looking Zoe. An actual Zoe staring at them. Evan jumped to his feet and backed up.

“What the fuck is that?!”

Connor glanced over at the ghost and sat up. “You fucking…why the hell did these turn on now?”

Connor got up, walking through the ghost and over to his computer he clicked a few buttons and the ghost vanished.

“Technically you never turned them off.”

Connor flipped off the ceiling before approaching Evan. “Those were projections. I forgot they were turned on. Are you okay?”

Evan nodded and glanced around the room. He could see the rigged lights that made the shape of the ghost, he hadn’t ever bothered to look up before. While looking around the room he spotted a jar on a shelf.

“What is that?”

Connor tracked where he was pointing and looked to the tile. “Um…that is my sister’s brain.”

Evan had…so many questions.

“Agent Rivera is at the gate.”

Connor walked over to grab his abandoned hoodie from the floor, “What? Let him in.”

They let the brain related questions fall to the side for now. Evan followed Connor up the stairs and took a seat in the living room while Connor got the door. He didn’t look, but he could hear warm greetings and cheerful laughter.

“I hope you don’t mind, birthday bitch, but I brought dinner,” Miguel walked through the house towards the kitchen. As he moved he passed Evan, “Captain.”

“Agent.”

They all migrated to the table and Miguel passed around food for them. Connor tied his hair back with a binder from his wrist as he opened the take out container in front of him. He was beaming as Miguel set the gift bag on the table.

“Oh, you do still love me!” Connor laughed as he pulled out the brownies from the bag.

“Eat your dinner, Principito,” Miguel snatched the brownies from his hands and set them out of reach on the counter. They all took it as a sign to start eating and a comfortable silence fell around the group. Connor was still smiling, his eyes bright with his friend in the room.

“Now, Captain Hansen, tell me. Has the twig over here had any guests over?”

Connor reached over and smacked his arm while Evan blinked. “Guests?”

Miguel nodded his head. “Of the overnight variety. Because I keep sensing just got laid energy from him, but he won’t tell me anything.”

“Maybe my sex life isn’t your business, M,” Connor tossed a fry at his friend.

“Um. I haven’t seen anyone,” Evan shrugged, not wanting to reveal things. “Sorry.”

Miguel shook his finger at Connor, “I’ll get you to crack eventually, it’s my job.”

The banter was playful and Connor looked happy. Evan let himself bask in the joyful moment, wanting to memorize the way Connor’s nose wrinkled when he laughed. He wanted to know everything about Connor.

Fuck. Was he catching feelings?

✩

Connor woke up slowly, he felt warm. He could feel air from the ceiling fan slowly blowing on him, but he was cozy. He kept his eyes closed but focused on his surroundings. He could feel Evan’s arms wrapped around him, a leg slotted between his. He pressed back into Evan’s embrace, placing his own hand over Evan’s. He was lucky, Evan had been up for birthday sex.

Shit. It wasn’t his birthday anymore. Connor’s mood soured, not even waking up with Evan could save him. He opened his eyes and reached for his phone on the nightstand. He couldn’t quite reach from his current position. Connor sighed before slowly shifting away from Evan and gently breaking the hold his arms had over him. Connor snagged his phone just before Evan’s arms anchored him back down, pulling the two back together again. He rolled his eyes but still settled back into the other man’s embrace.

Opening the phone was always a mistake. Connor sighed as he scrolled through various social media posts. A few gossip outlets mentioned his birthday the day prior, but now the other news was taking hold. Connor Murphy once again didn’t matter. He never did.

There was an email sitting in his inbox, Larry’s name attached to it. Connor sighed as he opened the message, finding that his presence was being requested. He wanted to be mean, to deny, but…

Things were getting better. At least with his dad. Maybe it could be different. Just this once.

It was stupid to hope, but Connor didn’t like his other options much better.

He clicked his phone off and dropped it on the mattress before twisting around in Evan’s hold. It wasn’t fair that he was allowed to be so…amazing. He had so much…energy. And he was smart, if not ignorant. He checked a lot of boxes, some of which Connor didn’t know he wanted checked.

All of his movement woke Evan up, the other man blinking as he took in his surroundings. Connor brushed a hand over his cheek and bit back a stupid grin from breaking out across his face.

“G’morning,” Evan’s eyes fell on his.

“Hi,” Connor leaned in and pressed a kiss to his chin. “Ready for a day of hell?”

Evan sat up and got out of bed, “I know today sucks, but it can’t be that bad.”

“I’d drop the optimism, sweetheart, they’ll eat you alive.”

Connor was slow getting ready. He didn’t want to leave the house. He would have rather spent the entire day going through stupid military contracts than deal with the hell awaiting him outside the safety of his own home. He sat on the bathroom floor and stared in the mirror as he brushed his hair. He considered getting drunk as an excuse to not leave the house.

“Knock knock,” Evan’s voice was soft from the other side of the bathroom door.

“You can come in,” Connor sighed as he continued to run the brush through his hair.

Evan poked his head in first as a cautionary measure. He arched a brow at Connor’s position on the floor before properly stepping in. He was wearing the watermelon shirt that Connor was oddly fond of. It just looked good on him.

“It’s brutal outside, are you leaving your hair down?” Evan leaned against the vanity. “I might even change, this shirt is breezy but I skipped my run because it’s so hot out.”

“Do not change, that shirt is the only good part about today so far,” Connor pointed the brush at Evan as he spoke before dropping his arm down. “I don’t even want to go.”

Evan took the brush from Connor’s hand and motioned to his hair, “Can I?”

Connor nodded and Evan kneeled behind him. Evan was much more gentle with the brush, ensuring that Connor’s head was tangle free. He was about to thank the other man when Evan started silently braiding.

“Where did you learn to braid hair?” Connor couldn’t remember Evan ever mentioning this kind of behavior in the past.

“As a kid I used to watch my ma do her hair for work,” Evan shrugged. “She had the only nice mirror in my room. She always thought I was sleeping. But she never braided. I…I just looked it up. In case you ever needed it.”

Connor stared at Evan through the mirror, “You learned how to braid hair for me?”

Evan was focused on the braid, “Just seemed like a good skill to have on hand. I’m a fast learner.”

Evan outstretched one hand and Connor silently handed him a hair binder from his wrist. He always had at least one on him at all times.

Connor stared in the mirror at the braid. It looked beautiful. Evan was…talented. Damn.

“Thanks,” Connor managed to mumble something out as Evan helped him to his feet. He continued getting ready while Evan vanished from the room. He pulled on the thinnest black cardigan he owned, not wanting to overheat while still covering his arms.

It hadn’t even occurred to him that his parents didn’t know about the tattoos. Wearing long sleeves all the time had been a habit for years, and now with the ink he always found it better to protect his skin from the sun. But…

He had shown Cynthia. Tried to remind her of what had happened. And all she had seen was the ink. She was blind to her own past as a mother.

Evan was the first person to like his tattoos. Miguel knew of them, sure, but he didn’t ever treat them the way Evan did. Even when they had slept together it had just been skin.

Evan always admired him in ways he hadn’t known he had wanted.

He looked like a man ready to attend a funeral. And that was the point, in a sense. Connor drifted out of his room and down to the kitchen, finding Evan already seated at the table. He had a book in one hand and was holding a fork with the other. Connor honestly wasn’t hungry, but…he had to eat something. He held his coffee mug in his hands and stared at the plate, trying to will himself to eat.

“Do you like reading?” Connor spoke suddenly, wanting to break the silence before the noise in his head got too loud. “You…you always have a book at breakfast.”

Evan snapped his book shut before turning to face Connor, “Yeah. I like reading. I…missed out. On a lot of reading. So I’m trying to catch up with more modern books. I have…a very long list. Have any recommendations? I’ll add them to the list.”

“I might take you up on that. Fuck, I can’t remember the last time I sat down to read a book. College probably. I’ll send you a list to add to your own, but The Little Prince was my favorite growing up. I still think it’s great, even now.”

“Noted.”

Connor found himself a bit more at ease with the conversation. He managed to get himself to eat. It felt pathetic, even now as an adult he couldn’t bring himself to do those simple tasks some days. But his eating habits had improved with Evan around.

How long was Evan’s work contract listed for? Would he want to renew it or would he…leave?

Connor let Zoe do the driving when it was time to leave. He laced a hand with Evan as he stared out his window. He wanted to take all the affection he could get as a buffer before the life was sucked out of him.

“Why do you always bring that bag with you?” Connor asked, motioning to the big knapsack in the backseat. He hadn’t noticed at first, but Evan did usually have it with him.

Evan shrugged, “Military habit. I don’t think it’ll happen, but if we ever somehow got stranded we could survive for a few days with it.”

Connor leaned over and pressed a kiss to Evan’s cheek, “You’re fucking adorable, Hansen.”

The cemetery was busy. Connor eyed news vans in the parking lot. He let go of Evan’s hand as they rolled into a parking spot, turning off the car and stepping out. Cameras flashed, but no one approached. The worms wanted a scoop, but today they had the decency to not dig for it.

Connor and Evan walked through the lines of graves, Connor listening for Evan’s footsteps behind him. He wanted to make sure he wasn’t left alone. Not today. Not here.

His parents stood where they always did. His sister’s grave marker was adorned with flowers and friendship bracelets placed by strangers. Time flies when you’re miserable, apparently. Connor still felt like her death was just yesterday. But four years went by before he could even process.

They didn’t get along, but she had still been his twin. Nearly identical and both were assholes with chips on their shoulders.

Cynthia was hiding against Larry, her shoulders shuddering with silent tears. Larry was stone faced, not emoting at all. He hadn’t even cried at the funeral. Connor hadn’t either, not until he was back home. He had torn his workshop apart, let out the anger in the only way he knew how.

She had called him the day before. It had been their birthday, she wanted to go bar hopping with him. Despite her face being everywhere, everyone always bought her fake ID. Or they were just too scared to say no to someone with that much money.

“What the fuck do you want?” Connor grumbled as he held his phone between his ear and shoulder. He had welding goggles pulled over his eyes and tools in his hands.

“Happy birthday, you miserable piece of shit!” She sounded gleeful. “Make that pilot’s license useful and fly out to New York! My friends and I are drinking until sunrise and you need a social life!”

Connor set his tools down, “What the fuck made you think I want to hang out with you and your friends? I have a social life.”

She scoffed, “Name two friends. And your fuck buddy doesn’t count.”

“Don’t call him that.”

“When do I get to properly meet Miguel? He has to be crazy if he’s sticking around with you for more than two minutes.”

Connor pushed his goggles up to rub at his temple, “Go fuck yourself. Weren’t you just begging me to drop my work to go visit you?”

“Yeah, to be nice to you. You’re fucking impossible, Connor. You deny every olive branch I pass your way. Have fun spending your birthday alone in your big ass mansion with no friends, you pathetic excuse for a sibling!”

“Jump off the tower balcony, why don’t you?! You’re such a stuck up bitch! You aren’t special because you got into a fancy business school!”

“You aren’t special because you graduated early! Clearly your brain is defective! Why else would you—”

“Fuck off, Zoe!”

Connor ended the call and pushed himself out of his seat. She always did this shit. Always pissed him off. Connor stared at his blueprint on the computer screen and the half finished project on the workbench. He could always get back to it later. It was his birthday after all.

He brushed his hair out of his eyes as he jogged up the stairs. It was always awkwardly in his eyes now, growing it out was a challenge he still needed to figure out a solution to. He went digging in his kitchen drawers until he found the baggie with joints shoved inside. He grabbed one along with a lighter from the counter before walking out to the back patio.

His anger melted away as he lounged on a patio chair. He scrolled mindlessly on his phone and muted his sister’s contact. He would unmute her in a few days. He just didn’t want to deal with her.

He spent his evening stoned and rewatching the Captain movies for the millionth time. Carefree, alone, and silent. He knew Miguel was on a mission for work, he knew far too much about his friend’s job given how secretive it was supposed to be. But Connor had never quite cared for security breaching laws. He wanted to know where his best friend was being sent when he wasn’t allowed his cell phone.

Connor passed out on the couch. One foot stretched out and resting on the coffee table. Weed always made sleeping a bit easier.

He jerked awake in the middle of the night. His phone was ringing loudly in his pocket. Connor fished it out and squinted against the bright screen. Why the fuck was his dad calling at two in the morning? His happy birthday text had been received bright and early the day prior.

“What?” Connor grumbled as he held the phone to his ear. He didn’t want to move.

“Connor?”

Connor sat up. Something about his voice seemed…wrong. “I’m up. Did your engineers break something? Because I’m not available at ass o’clock to fix your shit—”

“Connor,” Larry whispered this time. “It’s…your sister.”

“What? She finally got busted for underage drinking? Good, she’s stupid to not keep it at home—”

“She’s dead.” Larry’s voice spoke quickly. Silence fell over them for a moment. “She’s—oh god. She’s gone.” Connor stared at his coffee table in the darkened room. “She’s—” Larry sounded hysterical. “Connor? Are you there?”

Connor blinked once. Twice. “I need to go.”

“Connor—”

He hung up. Connor stumbled his way through the dark and managed to get to his room. He changed in silence, brushing his hair back with his fingers as he marched out to the garage.

He broke the speed limit, he was blind to his own motions. He didn’t think, just focused on moving. He walked through the airport with purpose, making his way out to the company planes. He didn’t care what anyone thought of him taking a plane.

He had never hated New York more. Sitting in the back of a smelly uber while breaking into the NYPD database. He found the details he wanted.

Victim identified in Hell’s Kitchen as Zoe Heidi Murphy, age twenty. Death on impact of a hit and run. Suspect identified with BAC well over the legal limit, currently in custody. Vehicle taken in for evidence.

The sun was already up over the city as Connor located the morgue they had placed her in. He burst through the doors and made his way down to the basement. He ignored security yelling, ignored the cops demanding he stop. He walked in and tried to ignore how dead bodies smelled.

“What’s going on?” The scraggly employee standing over the sheet covered body was visibly scared of Connor.

“Zoe Murphy.” Connor pointed to the sheet. “Is that her?”

The employee nodded, pulling back the sheet just enough to reveal her head. Connor felt his stomach turn at the sight of blood on her face. He looked away and motioned for her to be covered again.

“Hey! You need to—” The cops burst into the room.

“He was identifying the body—” the employee tried defending him.

“Identifying? We didn’t need that, she—” the officer’s voice died as they identified Connor as the person who barged in. “Oh. Mr. Murphy. We didn’t realize—”

“Out.” Connor pointed to the door.

The cops left them alone. Connor waited for the click of the door before turning back to the employee and backing him into the corner.

“I want…a piece of her,” Connor stated.

“Excuse me?” The employee didn’t like what he was saying.

“She and I…we pretty much share a face,” Connor kept his volume low. “We’ve never…the longest I’ve ever been alive without her was two minutes when we were born. And now she’s…gone. I don’t care if you don’t like it. I want something. Heart, liver, whatever. Something, please.”

“I can’t do that—”

“I’ll pay you for it. What do you want? How much?”

“I can’t give you an organ—”

“Half a million if you do it and don’t ever speak of it again. Right now.”

The man blinked, “Half a mill—”

Connor pulled out his phone. “Give me the name and bank details, I’ll have it transferred as soon as the bank opens.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes.”

The man nodded, “Okay. I’ll set it up to be preserved, and you can take it.”

Connor waited in the office while his request was fulfilled. His piece of her was heavy, nearly breaking the bag when he was handed her personal belongings. A few friendship bracelets, her purse, and whatever was weighing down the bag.

Connor got another uber, and he managed to get through the airport with no issues. Back in the air before his parents had even touched down in New York.

She was gone. But Connor wouldn’t look back.

He slumped into the house once he was back home and drifted down to the workshop. He wordlessly set the bag holding Zoe’s remains down. He was exhausted.

“Principito!”

Connor whipped his head around to find Miguel limping in. He was clutching at his side, but still powered over to Connor. He had questions, but they didn’t really matter at the moment. Connor wrapped his arms around Miguel and his dam broke. He gave up on holding himself upright and made Miguel his support as he sobbed. The pair slid down to their knees while Connor soaked Miguel’s shoulder.

“Thank god you’re okay,” Miguel whispered. “Oh my god. I came as soon as I heard but you weren’t home—I was scared I lost you with her. That the reports just didn’t—”

“I had to see her for myself,” Connor confessed. “I should have—she asked me to hang out with her. If I had been there then—”

“No. No, you did the smart thing,” Miguel whispered into his hair. “You…no. You’re here, you’re safe.”

Connor pulled back from the hug and wiped at his face. Miguel was still wincing at his side. “What happened to you?”

Miguel scoffed, “I…had a tumor removed.”

“Tumor?!”

“It was benign, querido mío. I’m fine. Just fucked up my stitches while working. I’ll get a cool ass battle scar for being stupid.”

Connor threw his arms back around Miguel, “Please don’t leave me.”

“I won’t, Principito. I promise.”

The grave marker still felt heavy to watch. Even now. Connor sighed and hung his head in defeat. He couldn’t ever watch it for long.

Larry reached an arm out and placed it on his shoulder, “I’m glad you made it.”

Connor didn’t look up, he just nodded his head. He couldn’t bring himself to speak. They all stood in the hot sun while reporters got their fix of a family still mourning after four years.

He felt his heart leap into his throat as he saw a quick blur in the side of his vision. He looked up and saw a bullet hole in his sister’s gravestone. The echo of a distant gunshot rang in his ears.

“Sniper!” Someone shouted.

Connor couldn’t breathe. SHIELD agents flooded the cemetery to protect his family. The fading news teams scrambled, screams breaking out. Connor felt a hand on his wrist and he was being dragged away. He focused in to find Evan pulling them through the cemetery.

“Fuck, damnit!” Evan’s eyes were wide.

Connor yelped as he was picked up by Evan and thrown over his shoulder. Apparently he wasn’t moving fast enough.

“Keep your head down!” Evan barked. “Bullet to the ass keeps you more alive than the skull!”

Connor’s ribs hurt from being jostled, “What kind of logic is that?!”

Connor was deposited back in the car. He started the vehicle while Evan rounded to the other side. Connor waited for him to get in but he opened the back door and grabbed his big ass bag instead.

“Zoe, get him home!” Evan ordered.

“Aye aye, Captain.”

“Evan!” Connor shouted as Evan ran back towards the chaos. The car moved anyway without Connor’s control. Connor panicked in his seat, still trying to wrap his head around things.

“Zoe, stop the car,” Connor demanded. “I—”

“Mark Ⅱ launched already, directing you to a safe assembly location.”

Took the words right out of his mouth. Connor shut up and let his computer route him. The new armor easily came apart and put itself back together. They stopped on an abandoned side road and Connor stepped out just as the armor came flying in. He held out his arms and let the pieces assemble around him. Once he was secure inside he launched off of the ground and pushed the thrusters to bring him back to the cemetery. Zoe would direct the car home to avoid suspicion.

It was a war zone. His parents were gone, but there was still a brawl going on. He couldn’t see Evan. Maybe he had gone with.

He looked ahead, across the massive cemetery. His eyes caught on to the sight of Captain and Winter Fuck Boy duking it out again. Oh shit. Redemption.

Connor used his height advantage and fired repulsors at those who didn't have SHIELD logos. Simple blasts to the head to render them unconscious or at least unsteady enough to be taken care of by the agents. Once they were able to take the upper hand Connor flew to the aid of his childhood hero.

“Surprise, bitches!” Connor landed in the dirt with a thud next to Captain. He charged up the chest repulsor and aimed for the murderer.

Gunshots fired at his armor, Connor not flinching as the metal absorbed the impacts. The chest repulsor fired, hitting the Winter Soldier in the shoulder. He watched as the metal arm circuitry fired off sparks. He hoped it hurt. Captain threw the shield and their target stumbled over, the metal disk flying back for Cap to catch.

Connor aimed his palm, readying to blast the bastard in the face. He hadn’t wanted to kill him, but disrupting his sister’s final resting place changed things.

“…Acorn.” The monster wheezed something out, his face bloody and bruised from Captain kicking his ass.

“Don’t shoot him!”

Connor felt his eyes widen as Captain moved to get between Connor’s hand and the murderer. The blast from the armor reflected off of the shield and aimed up. Connor pivoted around to see burning branches of a tree, blown to bits by his blast.

“What the fuck, Cap?!” Connor was pissed. He shoved his childhood hero out of the way and raised his hand to fire again. He felt his voice leave his body.

The Winter Soldier was gone. How? He had turned away for three seconds!

“Oh shit,” Captain sounded worried.

“You let him escape! It’s your fucking job and I did it for you!” Connor yelled at the other man, now aiming his arm at him. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Captain dropped the shield and held up his arms. “I can’t let someone else kill him. I’m sorry.”

Connor huffed and lowered his arm, powering down the repulsor. “Carry a fucking gun then. You old folks are stupid.”

“Hey!”

They both looked over to find Miguel running in. He had a bruise blossoming below his eye. Connor hadn’t even seen him in the tussle. Shit.

“What’s the status?” Miguel looked to Captain.

“Escaped, again,” Cap mumbled.

“But the bastard’s arm is likely broken or going to break soon,” Connor added on. “It’ll be easier to take him down.”

“Both of you, I want you for a debriefing,” Miguel motioned to them both.

Connor hovered off of the ground, “I’d rather just scram—”

“You come with or else Cap here goes back into hiding for forever. And I take it you like him hanging around.”

Connor dropped back to the ground, “Fine. Whatever, Princess. But I’m too heavy for a car.”

Captain followed Miguel while Connor dragged his feet behind them. He walked by as the disarmed goons were all locked in cuffs. Good fucking riddance.

The SHIELD base was…interesting. If not smaller than the New York one. Connor stomped around in the armor as Miguel brought them into a small room.

“Murphy family?” Captain spoke up from his chair.

“Larry and Cynthia are home,” Miguel answered. “And Connor…”

“He’s safe,” Captain assured. “I saw him leave.”

Cap had been there the whole time? He must have been keeping watch with the agents. Holy shit, was Cap looking out for Connor?

Childhood fantasies could come true!

Connor sighed as Miguel and Cap discussed details of the fight. Connor kept his own responses bland. He wasn’t in the mood for this bullshit. He needed to get home before Evan found out he wasn’t there. Where the hell was Evan? Had he gone with his parents?

“Where did Captain Hansen vanish to?” Connor decided to ask Miguel.

Miguel looked into the eyes of the faceplate. “Captain Hansen went to check in on his aunt. She is a founder of SHIELD and could be a potential target.”

Miguel sat in a chair at the table and stared at his phone for a moment. His eyes grew dark and sad, Connor watching hip tap his foot. At least Evan was busy, he could probably get away with his bullshit.

“Of all the fucking days to attack them,” Miguel muttered. He slammed his phone down on the table. “Goddamnit.”

“Agent Rivera?” Another agent opened the door to their room. “Director wants a word with you.”

“Fuck me,” Miguel muttered, getting up from his chair. He pointed between Cap and the armor. “Don’t leave.”

Miguel vanished and Connor went back to pacing the room. He did laps while Captain sat at the table. He could leave if he wanted, Miguel’s threats were empty. Captain would exist as long as the man beneath the helmet wanted to exist.

But he owed it to Cap after fucking up last time.

“That isn’t Miguel’s usual phone,” Zoe beeped through the helmet.

Connor stopped pacing and eyed up the phone. Miguel had left it on the table in his haste. It wasn’t his normal phone. It looked different. More…bland. He approached the table and ignored Cap’s confused look as he reached for the phone. It was a different phone. Holy shit.

“Hey, put that—”

“Shut up old timer,” Connor pointed a titanium alloy covered finger at the man. He inspected the phone as best as he could given his limited hand movements. He muted himself so Cap couldn’t hear. “Do I have access to the phone yet?”

“No. It’s on a different server connection. Smaller.”

Connor narrowed his brows, “What is M hiding from me that he needs two phones. He knows I have access to his shit.”

Zoe broke into the device remotely without further prompting. He watched as a file popped up on his HUD. He eyed the date, finding it to be from four years ago. On the dot.

“Open it,” Connor ordered.

Connor watched as photos and reports filled his vision. He scanned the documents and felt his stomach turn. What the fuck was this?

Zoe Heidi Murphy…

Two rounds through the heart…

CCTV footage…

Walking to a hotel…

Nature of death concealed…

…Shooter identified as The Winter Soldier by Agent Miguel Rivera.

Connor blinked away from the reports and moved on to the video file. He watched in silence as grainy footage of his sister played. Her, stumbling down the street, clearly drunk. He wasn’t able to hold in a gasp as the silent footage showed her being shot. Once. Twice. And she collapsed to the pavement, black and white footage showing her blood spilling to the street.

The camera angle changed, now showing a rooftop. And sitting nearly out of frame was a familiar metal arm.

Fuck.

Connor closed the case file and dropped the phone. He marched out of the room, Captain calling after him. He didn’t care.

“Where is Agent Rivera?” Connor snapped at a passing agent.

He was directed to another room across the floor. He was let into the room as Miguel was closing a laptop. He looked exhausted.

“What do you want, Tin Can?” Miguel muttered, slouching in his seat.

“You bastard!” Connor yelled, grabbing the other man by the arm and throwing him into the wall. “You lying piece of shit!”

Miguel pulled a gun from his thigh and aimed it at Connor’s head, “Who pissed on your circuit board?!”

He lifted his faceplate, “Y-you lied to me!”

M lowered the gun. “Connor?”

Connor slammed him into the wall again. “You lied! You fucking…you—”

Miguel struggled against the strength of the armor, “What are you talking about? Principito—”

“Shut the fuck up!” He screamed in Miguel’s face. “How did she die?!”

“What?!”

“How did my sister die?!”

Miguel went pale, “Connor—”

“Shut the fuck up! You knew! The whole time! You let me think she was hit by a drunk driver! What for?!”

Miguel’s eyes pricked with tears, “I had to pro—”

Connor grabbed him by his shirt and threw Miguel across the meeting room table, watching his friend slide across before crashing to the floor. Connor lowered his faceplate and started to hover over the other man.

“Never speak to me again,” Connor spat. “Do not test me, Rivera, I will ruin your life.”

Miguel was slowly getting to his knees, “I’m sorry—”

Connor forced the door open and made it to the stairwell. He flew up and out the roof access door, rocketing towards home. He disassembled the suit and went digging through his liquor supply he had in the workshop. His hands were shaking and he struggled to get the bottle open. Once he did Connor fell to his knees and raised the bottle to his lips, drinking large swallows. He wanted to forget, he wanted to pass out, he wanted to shoot himself with the repulsors, he wanted to die. Bleed like she did—

“Woah! Hey! No!”

Connor blinked and Evan was taking the liquor bottle away from him, stopping him from downing it like water on a dry hot day. Evan fell to his knees in front of Connor and reached his hands out, brushing a lock of hair that had come loose out of his face.

“Connor, what’s wrong? What happened?”

He couldn’t force it out. Instead he broke, sobbing against Evan’s shoulder. Evan’s strong arms held him steady and slowly a hand traced up and down his back.

“You’re okay, I’m here,” Evan’s voice was soft in his ear. “Breathe. You’re safe.”

He didn’t want to move ever again. If Evan could only smother him in his embrace, he would have loved to welcome death.

Chapter Text

Evan sighed as he passed by the kitchen. Once again Connor hadn’t joined him for breakfast. Evan kept leaving plates out, in case he snuck up while Evan was busy, but they all went untouched.

Something about the last attack had scared the shit out of him. Evan was locked out of the workshop and if not for Zoe confirming that Connor wasn’t dead he would be worried. Two weeks of pure avoidance. Not a word of conversation.

Evan made his way down the stairs and stood in front of the workshop door. He raised his hand and knocked against the metal. He had to try.

“Connor doesn’t want company.”

Evan leaned his forehead against the door. “I figured. Just…tell him I’m going to my therapy appointment. And I’ll be back after. Please.”

“Of course.”

Evan was in a slump. Part of him was convinced that Connor was mad at him. Even if there was no reasoning for it. It was a struggle.

Therapy was a drag. It was hard to be fully honest when Evan was keeping his name and face a secret from the doctor trying to help him. Either way, having the outlet did at least make him feel more…aware. He just felt so…out of it.

He wasn’t tired, but he was…drained.

Evan sighed as he removed his helmet in the locker room and shoved it back into his bag with the rest of the uniform. He swung the bag over his shoulder before walking out and heading downstairs to leave. He spotted Miguel in the main lobby and decided to stop to talk to him. The other man looked exhausted.

“Hey,” Evan greeted him with a wave.

Miguel looked up from his phone, “Captain Hansen. Hi. How are you? How’s Connor?”

Evan shrugged, “I’m fine. Connor…is avoiding me. Has he spoken to you at all?”

Miguel looked down at his phone again, “No. And you…haven’t seen him at all?”

“No, he’s locked himself in his workshop. If not for Zoe assuring me that he’s eating I would break the door down.”

Miguel pressed his lips into a line, “Yeah. That tracks.”

Evan glanced at Miguel’s phone, watching footage of Iron Man play across the screen. The robotic suit was flying around all over lately. Evan received alerts from news outlets every time he opened his phone. It was crazy. Last he had seen the other man he had appeared to be upset. Evan had no idea what would have caused it. Sure, Jared had escaped, but Iron Man had moved on from it fairly quickly. Now he was blowing up buildings all across the globe.

“Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight?” Evan suggested. “Connor will probably come out of hiding for you, you’ve certainly known him longer than I have. Maybe he’ll talk to you about…whatever the hell is bothering him.”

Miguel looked to the floor, “That’s not happening. Connor’s mad at me.”

Oh. That would explain it. “Why?”

Miguel shoved his phone into his pocket and let out a sigh. “Connor and I…no. No. I don’t know how much you know of his personal life. I can’t risk making things worse.”

Evan elbowed the other man, “I probably know more than you think. Connor did warm up to me.” Very well.

Miguel sighed and looked up at the ceiling, “How much have you looked into major law changes since the ice?”

Evan rocked on his heels, “Probably a lot less than I should have given my…position. But politics have always just upset me. I follow my morals, not necessarily the law.”

“This is taking too long to beat around the bush. I’m gay, Cap.”

Oh, he was trying to figure out if Evan was homophobic. “Oh. Cool?”

“As in I’m attracted to men.”

“I know what gay means, Agent. And I know that Connor is gay, too.”

Miguel nodded his head, “That’s what I was trying to figure out, thank you. I didn’t want to out him. But…” Miguel ran a hand through his hair. “We met when we were eighteen. I was touring MIT before graduation, Connor was still in school. I would have attended if SHIELD didn’t contact me. We…we were practically kids. And…” He chewed on his lower lip. “Connor didn’t have anyone else. His parents have always been distant. I was his ride or die, he was mine. But this job…it means keeping secrets. Even from those you love.”

Miguel slid to the floor and Evan joined him, the two sitting against the lobby desk.

“I love my job. I’m good at it. But sometimes I have to lie.” Miguel stared at the tile. “Whether it be about the actual identity of someone or just details of a mission. Years ago I was asked to review footage for an incident. The details of which…I had to lie to Connor about. He found out I lied and he isn’t happy about it.”

“He knows this is your job,” Evan pushed. “He’ll get over it.”

Miguel wheezed, “You’re such an optimistic old man. Your mom would’ve been a hippie if you hadn’t gone missing.”

He was probably right about that. “I’m sure it isn’t that bad.”

“Trust me. It is.”

Evan sighed, “Well, if you change your mind you’re still welcome. Connor can be upset all he wants, but you’re still a guest. You two need to talk about it, and soon. Him avoiding people for two weeks isn’t healthy.”

Miguel gave a mock salute, “Yes Sir, I’ll try. Let me know when he comes out of his cage.”

Evan got up from the floor and offered Miguel a hand. The two split up and Evan walked out to his bike to drive home. It actually looked like rain for once, and he was more than content to get back before the roads wound up slick from moisture.

The same silence he was growing used to greeted him. Evan let out a big sigh and slumped off to his room, depositing his bag with his uniform where it was better hidden. The worn out feeling from therapy was back. He knew that the appointments would be good for him, but he hated to feel so drained afterwards.

Evan laid back on his bed and let his eyes close. He didn’t need a nap, but resting his eyes for a few minutes might help.

Why was he such an old man?

Evan didn’t have his eyes closed for long when he felt a chill run down his spine. He sighed as he sat up once again to rub his hands. How did his body do that? How did he get cold so fast?

He shuffled across the house into Connor’s room. Their rooms were very similar. Same bland color on the wall, same flooring, even the bedsheets were the same. The only major difference was that Connor had his much bigger bathroom attached, the floor to ceiling windows, and the art pieces on the walls.

Part of Evan felt guilty for invading his space without asking, but he didn’t want to go outside with the impending downpour. He curled up on top of the duvet and reached a hand over to the space Connor usually slept in. It wasn’t the same, but the sheets kind of smelled like Connor. And it was enough to end the chills.

He drifted off and let the peace and quiet of the room soak in. He was faintly aware of some background noise, not quite sure what it could be but also not worried about anything. Maybe Zoe was playing something to keep his mind occupied. The computer seemed decently aware of his current state at any given time.

He shifted when he felt something damp on his shoulder. Evan opened his eyes to find Connor had finally come out of his workshop. His hair was still partially wet from a shower, and his face was gaunt. He looked exhausted with the dark circles under his eyes. Evan slowly slid an arm under the other man and pulled him closer, resituating Connor to use his chest as a pillow. Connor seemed content with this change as his arms snaked their way around Evan in a loose embrace. Evan pressed a kiss to the top of his head and let his hand trace lazy circles up and down his back.

“When did you last eat?” Evan kept his volume low.

“Doesn’t matter,” Connor mumbled, not opening his eyes. “Not hungry.”

“I know that you’re mad at Miguel, but you shouldn’t let him make you not care about yourself.”

Connor sat up and he glared at Evan, “You have no idea what he’s done. I’m fine, I won’t kill myself to spite that bastard. I’m just never speaking to him again.”

Evan sighed, “You won’t even try to talk things through?”

“Fuck no.”

This wasn’t going to be easy. Evan let the argument drop and Connor settled back down. It wasn’t quite peace, but to have Connor back in his sight was enough to put his mind to rest. He brushed his fingers over Connor’s arms, not actually able to see his tattoos but having enough of an idea to try and trace them.

“Thanks for dealing with me,” Connor spoke quietly. “You’re the only one who…everyone else lies, or they want something from me. You’re honest and I think you care, so thanks.”

“I do care,” Evan assured. “I promise.”

Connor pressed a kiss to his cheek, “Good.”

Things would get better for Connor, he was sure of it. If Jared could survive then Connor and Miguel could work things out. And Jared was beginning to break his assassin’s shell, he had remembered the old teasing nickname. Acorn. He had said it. Jared could remember, he just needed time.

If he could manage to get Jared back…Connor could do anything.

✩

“Hey, Principito–”

“Fuck off,” Connor pivoted on his toe and started to walk away. He glared as Miguel caught him by the wrist.

“I just want to talk,” Miguel started to drag him towards a quiet corner. “Please.”

Connor pulled his arm free, “Why the fuck would I waste my time with you?”

“Let me explain–”

Connor got in his face, “What? What could you possibly have to say? That the Winter Fuck Boy has been after us for years? How dumb do you think I am?! I pieced that together pretty quick!”

“I just–”

“You weren’t protecting me, M. If you were never going to tell me you might as well have just shot her yourself.” Connor growled as he stalked away. He made his way over to the bar and got himself a drink. The event hall was fairly quiet, though SHIELD agents were filling the place. Aunt Heidi had hosted a party, Connor would have felt like shit to not come. She had done so much for him throughout his life, attending her event was the least he could do in return.

“Hi Connor,” Alana approached with a small smile.

Connor glanced her over before his eyes caught on, “You had your braids taken out. Holy shit.”

Alana beamed and brushed a hand through her hair, “It was a lot of work, but I’ll get them redone in a few weeks. Thanks for noticing. How have you been? I feel like we haven’t talked much since the baseball game.”

Connor opened his mouth to respond when he spotted Miguel starting to walk over to him again. He was going to try and trap him in conversation with Alana, he knew it.

“Let’s dance and chat,” Connor threw back the rest of his drink before taking Alana’s hand and pulling her out to the dance floor. He didn’t dance all that much, but the skill had its uses.

“So, how’s it been?” Alana repeated her question as they began to sway around the room.

Connor shrugged, “Busy. I’ve been…” Flying around the globe in a suit of armor. “Working on a few personal projects.”

Alana nodded, “I saw an article about an art opening. I’m shocked it didn’t make bigger news, and your parents haven’t mentioned it.”

Connor made a face as he twirled Lana around, “Yeah, well it’s not like that helped them line their pockets or anything. I doubt they even know. They don’t…know about my hobbies.”

He had to remind himself that his art not being a huge success didn’t mean he was bad at it. People just didn’t want that work from him. They wanted bombs.

Alana tapped her finger tips against his shoulder, “Well, I’m planning on going to see things before your pieces are taken down. Any chance you could cut me a deal if I see a piece I like? My place is a bit lacking in the decoration department.”

“If you really like something you’re welcome to have it, but I doubt my art is worth any—”

Alana squeezed his shoulder, “Connor, shut up. You’re the most talented man in the world, it’s annoying how good you are at every single thing you do. Have you ever failed at something before?”

Connor shut his mouth. He wouldn’t argue with her. Failure just…it wasn’t an option. Maybe he would have had poor skills if he didn’t fear failure as much as he did.

“I mean, I am an asshole, I suck at being nice,” Connor gave a response despite his reservations.

Lana’s eyes rolled, “Okay, sure. Your family is the only rich family I’m convinced actually pays taxes.”

“That doesn’t make me nice—”

“How much money do you give in scholarships every year?”

Connor blinked, “Um…more than my accountant likes, I’m sure.”

Alana booped his nose, “I’ve counted a lot on my own, and I’m sure you do some anonymously. You’re still an asshole, but you are nice. Evan put it best, you’re brilliant but you've got shoes to fill.”

The music faded out and Connor wrapped an arm around Lana’s waist as they walked back towards the bar. Miguel seemed to have caught the hint, now stuck in a corner with his coworkers. The event hall was beginning to fill up, though Connor didn’t recognize most of the people in attendance. His invitation had been labeled as a celebration of life, so these were probably people that Aunt Heidi knew. He liked how she was flipping the script on growing old, celebrating while she had the time.

“Connor, have you finally taken to Lana?” Cynthia approached with her hair styled up. She was motioning to the arm wrapped around her waist. “Part of me always hoped you would. Don’t go breaking her heart now, I need her.”

“Oh no,” Alana chuckled as she smiled at her boss. “We’re just…”

“Friends, and that’s all it ever will be,” Connor finished the sentence. “Besides, isn’t it morally wrong for me to get involved with an employee?”

Evan didn’t count because Connor didn’t want him to. Evan had potential ahead of him, far more than being stuck as a bodyguard for a privileged asshole. Alana was set in her career path, she was in for the long game.

“I want you to settle down one day,” Cynthia reached to brush a stray piece of his hair into place.

“Mom,” Connor pushed her hand away. “Not here. Not now.”

Cynthia held her hands up in defense as she took a step back. As she did Connor took note of people gathering on the sides of the entrance. Connor and Alana walked over towards the crowd with Cynthia in tow. What on earth was going on?

Connor had to clench his jaw so it didn’t drop open. The guest of honor had arrived. Aunt Heidi was beaming, and from Connor’s distant gaze she looked younger. Aunt Heidi had always been his favorite snarky old bitch, but she had fancy makeup and a wig tonight, from his view she could have passed as only a bit older than his parents.

Right at her side was Evan, the pair dressed to match. Aunt Heidi wore a blue empire waisted gown and Evan’s button up under his suit jacket was the exact same shade. Aunt Heidi’s wig matched Evan’s hair color perfectly, the sandy blond color Connor was growing familiar to running his fingers through. The left side of Evan’s chest was adorned with various pins and medals, likely military related awards that Connor didn’t have the knowledge to place.

“Wow, I’ve never seen Ms. Hansen like that before,” Alana was equally as floored.

Th aunt and nephew properly walked into the room and Aunt Heidi passed big smiles and waves to the guests in attendance. Cynthia made her move and dragged Connor with her to approach sooner, leaving Alana standing at the edge of the crowd.

“Heidi, you look fantastic!” Cynthia inspected her friend up close.

“Thank you, darling,” Heidi squeezed her hand before turning to look at Evan and beaming. “Tonight is all I’ve ever wanted to do with you.”

Evan playfully nudged his aunt, “Oh, c’mon. You’re special enough you didn’t need me.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Aunt Heidi squeezed Evan’s hand before turning to Connor, “I’m so glad you’re here, my evil genius.”

“As if I would miss out on something this important.”

Cynthia narrowed her eyes a bit, “Zoe’s memorial service the past two years?”

Connor didn’t want to talk about her, “Eh, I’d rather celebrate the living. Ev, Aunt Heidi, drinks?”

They both gave a halfhearted shrug and Connor took the excuse to leave. Cynthia was in a fighting mood tonight and he wouldn’t let her words ruin things for his favorite old bitch. He fetched drinks and hoped that she would back off.

As Connor held the drinks for his favorite people he found that they had migrated further into the building. They were approaching another old lady in a wheelchair, Connor walking over while keeping a focus on not spilling the glasses. He walked up as the older woman stared at the duo with wide eyes.

“I’m so glad you could make it, Elsie,” Heidi was speaking to the old lady. “I wasn’t sure if…I mean at our age…”

“Evan? Is that you? You’re so strong now!” The old woman looked as if she’d seen a ghost. Evan appeared emotional, a bit of a watery smile on his face. Connor finished his approach slowly, not passing the drinks just yet.

“Hi, Mrs. Kleinman, it’s good to see you,” Evan spoke softly.

The old woman reached for Evan’s hand, “Oh, Evan! I thought you died! Everyone thought you…and then Jared…you disappeared!”

Evan squeezed the woman’s hand, “I…there was an accident. But I’m here now, and I’m living my life to the fullest.”

“I thought we both lost our boys,” Elsie looked over to Heidi and her voice cracked. It was thick with emotion. “You left after Evan…I thought we both had to bury empty caskets. But your boy came back to you!” Her frown was deep. “I miss my boy, but I’m glad yours came back, Heidi.”

Heidi turned and spotted Connor just behind them, “Oh my! You’re so quiet, Connor.” She accepted her glass, “Thank you, dear.” She waved Evan off, “Go have fun, I have people to talk to.”

Evan accepted her offer before opting to tag along with Connor. He passed the other man his drink as they walked back across the event hall towards the bar again. Connor got his own drink and the pair stood off in a corner to drink in peace.

“That woman thought you died?” Connor was confused by what she said.

Evan stared into his glass, “My…heart condition…no one knew I had it, and it got scary for a while. Elsie…she raised Jared. A relative of his. She was like family to me for years, but when my dad left she grew a bit distant. She and my ma were still friends, but Jared usually came over on his own terms.”

Connor frowned a bit, “Every time you tell me about your past I grow a bit more concerned for you.”

Evan took a drink, “I’m fine. You worry too much about me, I’m not worth the effort.”

Connor felt his chest tighten a bit at Evan’s words. He…he thought the world of Evan. It had been so long since he had enjoyed someone’s company this much. Evan made him like himself. He…

He hated to admit it, but he was falling for Evan hard. If he hadn’t taken that step, if he hadn’t thrown romance into the equation…maybe he would have gotten over it. But impulse control had always been a struggle. Connor found himself growing more comfortable with Evan. He craved the other man’s attention sometimes. Frustrations that he used to want to scream over he found himself wanting a hug instead. He felt like he was a better person because of Evan.

Their breakfasts together now included their chairs scooting closer together, Evan stopped reading so one hand could hold his while they ate. Evan was growing more confident in himself and Connor could see it. He was starting to initiate things more, often casually pressing a kiss to Connor’s head when they passed each other in the house throughout the day. And while he was still a bit shy to start or offer sex, once they were into it Evan was willing to voice wants. He was honest about what his experiences were and together they worked for Evan to try things he wanted to learn. Evan made Connor feel treasured, and it was strange. But good.

“Hey! That’s my friend you’re being mean to, fuck off!” Connor elbowed him.

Evan finished his drink and set the glass down on a table next to them. He looked good in his suit, Connor found his eyes wandering a bit more than he usually liked when in a public setting. He was a failure to his parents enough as it was, coming out now would only hurt them more.

A jazzy tune started to play and Evan outstretched his hand, “Dance with me?”

Connor almost accepted, but the public setting scared him. “I…not here, Ev.”

Evan glanced around and the reality of their situation set in, “Oh. Right. Sorry. I should…my m—my aunt probably wants at least one dance with me before she goes around with guests. I—”

“Ev,” Connor took a step closer and their fingers brushed against each other. “I want to.”

Connor could feel himself getting upset at how bummed Evan appeared. Evan Hansen, who Connor had been trying to help build up the confidence of, is staring at him with those sad hazel eyes and fuck Connor really does want to dance with him. Connor is crushing the dreams of the kindest person he’s ever met.

“C’mere for a second, please?” Connor motioned for Evan to follow as he started walking away. Evan did as asked, always five paces behind. Connor walked into a bathroom and checked to ensure the place was empty as Evan quietly stepped in. Once Connor confirmed they were alone he backed Evan into the door and stretched up on his toes just a bit so he could slot his mouth over Evan’s.

It’s a bit needy and Connor has to remind himself that he is in public. But Evan’s lips feel perfect against his and how is he not supposed to be needy when Evan looks like that—

He’s acting like a teenager again and he knows it. Connor forced himself to take a step back and his heart leaped into his throat when Evan’s mouth tried to chase him down. Fuck. He reached a hand out and brushed his thumb over Evan’s cheek, all his thoughts and feelings hardly contained.

“I…” Want you carnally. Need you. L… “Am hoping you’ll be joining me at home tonight.” Close enough.

“As if I would miss it,” Evan’s voice was lower. More serious, more gravelly. Connor knew what that tone meant and he hoped that come morning he wouldn’t be able to walk.

They walked out of the bathroom separately, Connor standing off to the side of the dance floor as he watched people couple up to dance. He didn’t mind keeping to himself. He chuckled at the sight of his parents actually dancing, to see them smiling at each other so much after all they had gone through.

His eyes drifted over to find Evan dancing with Aunt Heidi. They spun around the room together and as they got closer Connor noticed a strange look in Heidi’s eyes. It was something he hadn’t seen from her before, but he knew the look because he never saw it from anyone. Pride. Heidi looked at Evan as if he was her source of sunshine. She almost looked like a mother dancing with her son on his wedding day.

They got closer, dancing right by Connor. And he saw more. Aunt Heidi’s wig matched Evan’s hair perfectly. He had known she had been blonde in her younger years, but why had she chosen that specific color for the wig?

And their eyes. That same steely hazel color, almost green. Both had the same dimples when they smiled with their teeth. The same pale freckles landed on both of their faces, even their skin color was a close match. Heidi was just older. If Aunt Heidi had been a good bit younger…she could have been passed off as a direct relative to Evan. He had never noticed how…similar they were.

Weren’t they not biologically related? Even through marriage for that matter? Evan was from Aunt Heidi’s long dead ex husband's side of the family. Aunt was more a title of companionship than actual relations, much like how Connor referred to her.

He pulled up a chair at a table, thankfully being left alone. He opened his phone and started searching.

“What is Evan’s mom’s name?” Connor spoke quietly to his phone, waiting for Zoe to respond.

“I don’t know,” the computer was quick to remark.

Connor’s brow furrowed, “How do you not know? Check hospital records. Find his parents.”

“I. Can’t. The information does not exist,” Zoe sounded annoyed. “You’re a fucking idiot, I told you this before. I couldn’t find any information outside what I told you the first time. There are no Brooklyn hospital records noting a birth of an Evan Hansen fitting Evan’s date of birth. Not even the surrounding months.”

“What? How is that possible?”

“I’m not sure. But as far as I can tell Evan didn’t legally exist four months ago. He’s a ghost.”

Connor stared at his phone screen. That didn’t make sense. It had to be a glitch, a computer error. Maybe Evan's records wound up corrupted and no one noticed. There had to be reasoning. Evan was old fashioned, he wouldn’t ever think to look for important records like that.

“Principito, Connor, please—”

Connor whipped his head up to look at Miguel, “Did you ever actually look into who Evan is?”

Miguel went stiff, “What?”

“You’ve got shit to make amends for, tell me what you know about him. Now.”

Miguel sat next to him, “I…I didn’t dig deep. Just got the basics. Name, date of birth, I…why?”

“Zoe says he didn’t exist four months ago. That doesn’t make sense.”

“I’m sure there’s some sort of error with his records, or maybe things were concealed because of his history with the military. SHIELD needs to make people disappear sometimes for safety, the military could do the same.”

What the fuck would Evan have been involved with to warrant such drastic measures? Connor stared back at his phone screen, at the tiny bit of information he had on the man he was so obsessed with.

Evan told him about his past but Connor didn’t know anything.

“Maybe I can find something on his dead friend,” Connor mumbled, opening another search. He didn’t have much to go on, maybe not even a full name, but it was worth a shot. Jared Kleinman, who the fuck were you? If that was even his name…

Searching Evan’s childhood neighborhood for the name didn’t give him much for results. The best he could find was an ancient obituary from 1969. A soldier who died in an accident overseas. Details were limited, but it sounded like a simple routine gone wrong.

Whoever Jared was to Evan…he must not have the right last name.

“Hey.”

Connor looked up to find Evan approaching the table they were at, quickly turning his phone off in case he saw Connor trying to dig into his past. He was beaming and his eyes kept shifting between Connor and Miguel. He was probably happy to see the pair next to each other. Evan then turned to Miguel.

“My aunt told me I should ask you to dance, if you wanted,” Evan offered casually.

Miguel blinked a few times, “Are…are you comfortable with dancing…with me? I mean, you’re…”

“I wouldn’t offer it if I wasn’t.”

Miguel stood up and chuckled quietly, “Sure, Captain Hansen, why not.”

Connor felt a wave of jealousy wash over him. Of course M could dance with Evan, he was out and proud. Evan didn’t seem to mind people knowing he wasn’t straight for the most part, he had told his aunt right away.

Were Evan and Miguel friends? When had that happened? Why did his two closest people getting along feel weird? Did Miguel think Evan was attractive? Would they flirt?

Dark thoughts filled his mind as he imagined what Miguel and Evan would be like as a couple. Miguel was much more to Evan’s taste, they had similar backgrounds. Rough childhoods, history of working for the government. Fuck, were they laughing?

He tried distracting himself with his phone but instead he was glaring at the pair as they waltzed around the room. He was fucking pathetic.

“Jealous bitch, neither of them belong to you.”

“Fuck off,” Connor shoved the phone in his pocket. He wanted this night over with.

Miguel waved to Evan as they parted ways, Connor pretending to glance around the room at the various outfits people were wearing. Unfortunately M could read him like a book.

“Holy shit,” Miguel appeared awed. “Connor Lawrence Murphy, are you jealous?”

“What? No. Piss off.” Connor crossed his arms over his chest.

M laughed as he took a seat, “You are! Why? Captain Hansen is the straightest man I’ve ever met. I know you’re upset with me, but you’re still my ride or die.”

Connor bit back his remarks about Evan since it wasn’t his place. “You’re nothing, M. Why don’t you leave—”

Miguel held up a finger and cut him off. Connor glared but he shook the finger before speech could be attempted again.

“Dios mío, you like him,” M sounded nearly giddy. “It’s not me, is it? You and your taste in men is hilarious, Principito. If only you knew.”

Connor leaned forward, “What do I not know?”

Miguel started to cut himself off when they both heard a crash from across the room. Connor whipped his head over to find Aunt Heidi collapsed to the ground. Shit!

“Ma!”

Connor whipped his head the other way, watching as Evan started to sprint towards the older woman. His eyes widened as Evan jumped over a table blocking his path like it was nothing as he beelined to his aunt’s side. Connor and Miguel hurried to join him as SHIELD agents began scrambling to get help.

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” Evan slid to his knees as he reached for Heidi’s hand. “I’m right here. I’ve got you.”

Heidi’s eyes were open, but she was visibly unfocused. Her mouth kept opening to talk but no noise came out. For once it wasn't an incoming danger, she had just collapsed.

Evan began to panic as Heidi’s eyes drifted shut. “No! No no no no no! Stay awake! Ma, please!”

Connor felt like he was frozen. He didn’t know what to do or how to help. Without his suit of armor he was useless. The crowd parted like the sea as a stretcher was rolled in. Evan was forced to let her go, Connor looking to his face and finding tears welled up in the eyes he adored so much.

“Ev,” Connor had no clue what to say. “I—”

Evan was shaking. Connor could see the tremble from his hands to his shoulders. Shit.

“Go in the ambulance,” Connor barked at Miguel before reaching for Evan’s sleeve. “C’mon.”

It had been a while since Connor personally had one, but he knew a panic attack when he saw one.

Thankfully he managed to get Evan into the car before the hyperventilating started. He had never seen Evan like this. Curled up in the fetal position as best as possible given his seat as gasps escaped from his mouth.

“Hey, Ev—”

“Sorry! Sorry—I’m sorry! I can’t—I can’t!” Evan didn’t look up.

“Don’t be sorry, look up please.”

Evan’s face was blotchy with hot cheeks and flushed ears. Tears still rolled and he still struggled to get in each breath. He flipped on the overhead light before continuing.

“Count five blue things you can see,” Connor offered up a calming exercise that didn’t involve touching. The way Evan was holding himself gave the impression he didn’t want anyone else to touch him.

“A-a button! That button!” Evan’s eyes darted around the car and he found the air conditioning button. “The—um, pen!” There was a blue pen in a cup holder. Evan glanced at himself and his breathing started regulating. “My shirt. And um…your eyes.” He pointed from left to right. “Four and five.”

Connor opened his center console and pulled out a few stray napkins for Evan to wipe his face with.

“Sorry,” Evan whispered as he uncurled and began to slouch in his seat. “I couldn’t…breathe.”

Connor flipped the overhead light back off before putting his seatbelt on and pulling out of his parking space. “No need to apologize. Do you need anything? Water? There’s a bottle rolling around somewhere under your seat.”

Evan shook his head, hardly visible in the darkened car. Connor removed one hand from the steering wheel and reached it out for Evan to take if he wanted. A warm hand weaved with his and the pair fell quiet. Connor silently routed them towards the nearest hospital, hoping Heidi would be settled by the time they made it.

“She, um, they probably brought her to the…SHIELD base they have here?” Evan still sounded a bit scared. His voice was a bit raw with emotion. “I-I can tell you where it is?”

“I know where, good thinking though,” Connor made a u turn and started driving the other way. “Makes sense given she founded the whole thing. She’s going to be okay, Evan.”

“I can’t lose her, I’m not ready,” Evan’s voice broke and he turned away, beginning to try and pull his hand free.

“Zoe, take over,” Connor commanded as he took his foot off of the gas pedal. A beep confirmed the switch and Connor undid his seatbelt so he could better reach Evan. He took the other man’s face into his hands and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“I will make sure she’s okay,” Connor whispered as he brushed away tears. “I will do everything I can, okay?”

“I’m not okay.”

“You don’t need to be,” Connor could feel his own heart breaking. He didn’t want Evan to hurt like this, he didn’t want to lose Aunt Heidi. He gently brushed his lips over Evan’s in an attempt to distract from the pain. Evan held the front of his suit like a lifeline, as though Connor was the only thing keeping him from falling apart. He wouldn’t dare back away.

“You got more time with her, it isn’t fair,” Evan whimpered as he hid his face against the crook of Connor’s neck. “She’s my…she’s all I have.”

Connor ran a hand through the other man’s hair, “You have me. If no one else, I’m here. I…”

Love you. Trust you. Want you. Need you. Crave you. Yearn for you. Miss you when you’re not there. Love you. Love you. Love you—

“I love you.”

Connor froze. Evan pulled back and his lip started to quiver again. Connor couldn’t breathe. His throat felt dry. His brain was useless.

Evan had said it first.

Connor was quiet for too long. Evan’s eyes drifted away and his frown deepened. Shit! Why was he always bad at talking to people?!

“I love you too,” Connor stated, reaching for Evan’s face again.

Evan pulled him in for an awkward and tight hug, a sigh of relief passing over both of them. He felt lighter after saying it.

“Don’t leave me,” Evan whispered.

Connor felt himself think back four years. How desperate he was to cling to Miguel after…

“I won’t, I promise,” Connor echoed the words once said to him.

The walk into the SHIELD base was quiet. Evan had managed to reel in his tears, but one wrong move would surely set them off again. The pair marched through the halls to a tiny med bay, a team of care professionals all working to help Aunt Heidi. Evan pulled up a chair next to her bedside and Miguel cleared the room with a wave.

“She had a stroke,” Miguel spoke quietly. “From what we’ve gathered so far she may have paralysis on her left side. She hit her head when she fell, she’s been given some medication for the pain. Once she’s awake again we’ll run more tests.”

Evan reached for her hand, “Can I just…can I have a few minutes?”

Connor nodded and brought Miguel out with him. He shut the door to the small room and slinked down the hall.

“She’s a tough woman. It’ll be okay.” Miguel patted his shoulder.

“I don’t forgive you,” Connor took a step away. “This doesn’t change things.”

Miguel lowered his head, “I know. But I’m here if you need me, you know that.”

Connor nodded and glanced up at the ceiling, “Why…why did Evan call her that?”

“Hm?” Miguel seemed lost.

“When she fell. He called her ma. I’ve never…he’s only ever referred to his actual mother that way.”

Miguel shrugged, “Maybe she’s a motherly figure to him.”

Maybe…

Connor’s phone beeped and he pulled it from his pocket. The screen showed another incident involving his weapons. Shit.

“I need to go,” Connor pivoted and started to march back towards Evan. He wanted to at least let him know that he was leaving.

Evan was still holding Heidi’s hand when he walked in, “Hey, work emergency popped up,” Connor spoke quickly. “I need to help handle things, but I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Evan looked miserable, “Oh. Okay.” He glanced around the room for a moment. “Shit.”

“What?” Connor didn’t want to leave if he wasn’t okay with it. He would rather be responsible and go himself, but if need be he would have Zoe pilot the armor without him inside.

Evan rubbed at his eyes with his free hand, “I left my knapsack in her car. And the car will get towed if it just sits in that parking lot—”

Evan was spiraling fast, “It’ll be okay. I’ll head back to the event hall and have Zoe drive my car to Aunt Heidi’s so I can take her car home. I'll bring your knapsack back to the house with me.”

Evan smiled a bit, strained and clearly exhausted from all the goings on. “Thank you.”

Connor shrugged, “Not a problem.” He leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to Evan’s cheek since they were alone. “I love you.”

The words send a shiver down his spine. They felt foreign, but speaking to Evan made the words feel as though they belonged.

Evan’s smile grew just a tad and he passed over the keys “I love you too.”

Connor maybe did a bit of speeding to get back to the event hall. He needed to rush, but he wanted to bring Evan some form of peace. His own distraught was only being subdued because of his concern for Evan. He had never seen him like that before. To see someone who worked so hard to keep everything in fall apart…it hit differently.

“Fuck, what does he need in this bag?” Connor grabbed the strap of the knapsack and tossed it into his car. It wasn’t heavy, but it was massive.

Once Aunt Heidi’s car was safely parked in the driveway Connor hurried home. The weapons mess was out of hand, and he couldn’t drop everything to run around the globe for much longer. His dad and him were getting close to at least putting a pause on the chaos, but that was short term. He needed a more permanent solution.

Connor threw open his door once the car was parked and rounded to grab Evan’s knapsack. He hauled the bag into the house and beelined to Evan’s room. He hadn’t been inside the room since before Evan moved in, if they slept together it was always in Connor’s room. He paused to glance around briefly and the bag swung down with his paused momentum, the contents of the bag hitting his leg with a muted twang. The sound of metal hitting fabric.

Connor wrinkled his nose and looked down at the bag, “What the fuck does he have in here?”

Connor set the bag down and kneeled for easier access. He unfastened the security buckles and unzipped the bag. His heartbeat increased as his eyes caught sight of the metal inside. Connor properly reached into the bag and pulled out a shield. The shield.

“Holy shit, I didn’t see that coming.”

It couldn’t be real. There was no way…

Connor set the shield down on the bed and went back to digging in the bag. He continued to find more evidence to back up his shocked thoughts. The helmet, the gloves, the uniform.

All of Evan’s quirks about not understanding technology, Heidi managing to hide him for all this time, Evan’s nonexistent family…

“Fuck,” Connor dropped the uniform and buried his face in his hands. “I might throw up, oh my god.”

“Breathe—”

“Don’t fucking tell me to breathe!” Connor’s walls cracked. “Evan is…fuck! Oh my god! He’s fucking Captain?! Shit!”

“How about you freak out about your taste in older men while flying to go save people, yeah?” Zoe offered a reminder to his current goal. “Or are you going to sit here and cry like a little bitch instead of being useful?”

Connor raised a shaking middle finger to the ceiling, “Fuck you.”

“Get moving.”

Connor hastily packed the uniform away, picking up the shield again and flipping it around in his hands. He had never touched vibranium before. The durable metal was so light in his hands. He brushed his fingers over the paint before shoving the shield back into the knapsack. He let things sit against Evan’s bed, hoping he would be none the wiser to his snooping.

Evan had lied, just like everyone else. But fuck, what a lie to tell. What a secret to keep. He wasn’t even sure if he was mad about it, but for now he needed to pull himself together.

Iron Man had a job to do.

Chapter Text

“Honey, you can’t just sit here all day.”

Even glanced up, finding his mother staring at him with sad eyes. His days were blurring together. How had she fallen so far so fast? Dancing to not being able to walk.

“I’m a grown man, I can do what I want,” Evan retorted.

The stroke caused motor function issues. Heidi couldn’t move a good amount of the left side of her body. And what little movement she could manage was uncoordinated. Even her voice was different now, often shaking as she spoke. She always sounded as if she was about to cry.

“You have a life to live,” Heidi insisted.

Evan brushed a hand through his hair, “What on earth would be more important than my own mother? There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

She frowned, “You can’t waste away with me.”

Evan ignored her comment. He wouldn’t be moving. She had been transferred home, SHIELD medical team members now providing around the clock care for the founder of the organization. Evan could sit in a comfy living room chair at her side, no reason to move.

“Wh…what about Jared?”

Evan flicked his eyes to hers, “What about him?”

Heidi actually looked like crying, “Y-You need to go find him. Right? And bring him home?”

She had never entertained this idea before, “I mean…that can wait. Jared lasted all this time, he can wait for me.”

“I want to see him before I die,” Heidi stated. “I want both of my boys back. You need to find him.”

Evan clenched his jaw. He knew she was just saying it to make him get up. If this hadn’t have happened she wouldn’t have wanted him to spend his time looking for Jared.

“Ma—”

“Go.”

Evan huffed out a breath before placing a kiss to her forehead. He walked out of her room and made his way through the house. He felt disgusting. He hadn’t showered in days.

Was this how Connor felt after his work binges?

He slumped off to his room once he was home and made his way into the bathroom. If he was going to find Jared he needed to not feel like a moldy sponge. And eat something.

The hot water did feel nice against his skin. Evan washed himself head to toe twice to make up for his lack of care. He wiped steam from the bathroom mirror as he went about combing his hair and brushing his teeth while wrapped in a towel. Feeling clean did help improve his mood. At least a bit.

“Ev?”

He spit into the sink and wiped the back of his hand over his mouth. Had Connor ever been in his room before? “Yeah?”

“Can I come in?”

Evan glanced down at the towel around his waist. “I’m not…dressed.”

“I’ve seen your dick, nothing new.”

Evan couldn’t argue with that. “Um, sure. Come in.”

Connor poked his head into the room first and his eyes tracked up and down Evan’s body. He hadn’t ever cared if Connor looked at him like this before, but it was different when under the harsh bathroom lights compared to a dimly lit bedroom.

“Goddamn,” Connor whispered before stepping into the bathroom. He shuffled over and hauled himself up to sit on the vanity. “I’m so sorry I haven’t been coming upstairs, work shit has been crazy.”

Evan shrugged and lightly nudged Connor over so he could better access the sink. He needed to shave, he hated the feeling of a five o'clock shadow. “It..it’s okay.” He lathered his damp face with shaving cream and wet his razor. “I haven’t been around.”

Connor’s eyes grew wide, “You haven’t? Fuck. Is it…is it bad?”

Evan didn’t look away from his reflection as he ran the blades over his skin. “She probably won’t ever walk again. But she’s at home. Bedridden, but…” He rinsed the razor as an excuse to look down. “At least SHIELD is caring for her.”

Connor reached one hand for his shoulder, “Fuck. I’m sorry. I’ll go over with you today, if you want.”

Evan continued to clear his face of excess hair, “I…I need some space. For a bit. It’s a lot to be there. But I’m sure she’d appreciate the visit.”

Silence fell over the pair as Evan continued shaving. Connor traced patterns into the back of his shoulder and he slowly leaned over to press a kiss to the skin. Evan rinsed his face off once his skin was clear before patting dry with a hand towel. He moved to stand between Connor’s knees and lightly tugged at the sleeve cuff of his hoodie. The other man wordlessly undid the zipper and pulled the fabric off, revealing the artwork on his skin. Evan returned the favor and traced over the different pieces and how they melded together. His fingers trailed down and he caught sight of pale scars on Connor’s wrists. They were all over his lower forearms, how had he not noticed this before.

“What happened?” Evan asked, brushing his thumb over a thicker scar.

Connor snatched his wrist free, “I…nothing. Work accident. Don’t worry about it. Go put clothes on.”

“You walked in here knowing I wasn’t decent.”

“Fuck off.”

Evan turned on his heel and walked out to his bedroom to get dressed. Connor followed him and moved to sit on the bed while he waited. Was this what they did now? They had admitted…actual feelings. And Connor had seemed to mean it. Had things changed? Did they just get dressed around each other now? Was this some modern thing Evan wasn’t aware of?

“…How’s your mom doing? I feel like you haven’t mentioned her recently.”

Evan turned to face Connor as he pulled a shirt over his head. Connor was swinging one leg, nearly clipping the side of his knapsack holding his uniform. Evan walked forward and lightly kicked the bag out of the way before sitting next to Connor.

“Um…I haven’t…spoken to her.”

Connor reached for his hand and laced their fingers together. “Maybe you should invite her over. With Aunt Heidi—”

“No. Just…please, I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Evan hung his head. He was tired of lying, he didn’t want to hide things anymore. Not from Connor. But he would rather not have a reason to lose the man he adored so much. “I’m sorry. It’s just been…I just…I’m so goddamn tired.”

Connor wrapped his arms around him and he broke. Evan squeezed back in the hug and tears rolled down his face to soak into Connor’s shirt. He felt like his whole world was about to collapse. Connor was the only semblance of support.

How the hell was he supposed to find Jared when his only living family had suffered a head injury?!

“I love you.”

It’s small. Muffled. Evan almost missed it, but it was hard for Evan to not hear people. Connor, face squished against him, was still trying to reassure him. He didn’t need to. Connor was hurting too. He didn’t have to be the brave one. Evan could learn to grow up and stop crying.

Why did he always cry? Why was he so pathetic?

He cried until he couldn’t anymore. He wore himself out and Connor managed to maneuver them to be laying down on his bed. Evan stared blankly at where the duvet vanished under Connor’s body. His head was throbbing. He hadn’t cried this much since the day he lost Jared. Usually he was so well collected. The serum had fixed him. But you can’t fix what was born destructive, not fully at least.

“Ev?”

Evan looked up, the eyes he loved so much meeting his own. Fuck, he was beautiful. He could do so much better than whatever small joy Evan brought him.

Connor leaned in and cut off his train of thought. Evan hummed against Connor’s lips as he reached one hand to bury in his hair. He was so lucky. As much as he hated his own fate, as angry he was about his lost time, he was lucky to have this. If he had never gone missing he knew how his life would have played out. He would have been turned into what Jared was. A superpowered assassin. He would have been a project to own once the war was over. And if not that he would have been pressured to settle down with a woman. He would have been miserable.

“I love you,” Evan murmured between soft kisses.

Eventually they managed to get up. Evan felt like he was slumped over as Connor and him made a late breakfast together. He felt lazy.

“I can’t believe you eat this shit,” Connor was trying to tease him as he fried up turkey sausage.

Evan shrugged, “My mom always told me to eat my protein. Now I’m big and strong.”

Connor wheezed out a laugh and he backed away from the stove. He reached an arm out and playfully smacked his bicep. Evan watched with light chuckles as Connor doubled over from laughing.

“I didn’t realize I was a comedian.”

Connor wiped tears from his eyes, “Oh fuck off! You don’t get muscles like yours from just eating a certain way.”

He wasn’t exactly wrong. Evan wordlessly grabbed plates for the two of them while Connor recovered from his laughing fit. The two sat next to each other like normal, Evan spotting an envelope with his name on it. He didn’t typically get that much for mail given that his identity didn’t exist until recently.

“What on earth?” Evan reached for the envelope. “Why am I getting mail from a university?”

Connor snatched the letter from his hand, “That’s mine!”

Evan stared at the other man, “You graduated already. It had my name on it.”

Connor hung his head, “Okay…I may or may not have…applied you to school.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because you have potential! Evan, you have the resources to go to school.”

Evan blinked, “I have a job. That pays well. But not well enough for me to go to school. I don’t have a place to live, and—”

Connor reached for his hand and placed the envelope into his palm. “You live here. This is your home for as long as you want it to be. I want you to have this. I had to flub some school records because I couldn’t find your actual information, but…you’re better than just working as a bodyguard your whole life. You’re incredible, Ev.”

Evan shook his head, “I can’t protect you and go to school. I’m too old for it anyway—”

“You’re fine,” Connor leaned forward in his chair. “Just open the letter. See if you even got in, I wasn’t sure how it would go with the last minute enrollment, but I’m me so I pulled some strings.”

Evan ripped the envelope open, “I’m not worth the effort.”

He scanned the letter. It was real. He had been accepted. Majoring in forestry. A childhood dream.

“Yes you are. And…you don’t need to work while in school. I’m a billionaire, I can handle things. I’ll cover it.”

Evan whipped his head up, “I can’t ask you to do that! I’m not—that’s too much! We aren’t even—”

Connor’s fingers brushed lightly over his arm. “We could be.”

“Connor—”

“I know how much Aunt Heidi means to you,” Connor’s voice was quiet and calm. “Really, I do. And I know…if things aren’t going to improve that she would want you…to live your life. She got you this job because she wanted you to start a life, now you need to thrive in it. Life is crazy, we don’t know if an assassin is going to shoot us down while drunk or if a plane will fall from the sky. Why sit in a corner when you could do what you want? You can’t work for my company forever.”

“Why not?”

Connor’s fingers threaded with his, “Because then we can’t be…more. It’s an ethics and morals bomb waiting to happen. Even if I don’t want it to be.”

“What, so I quit?”

Connor shrugged, “I’m not saying now. But…you wouldn’t even need to officially quit when you go to school if you didn’t want to. Ideally you’d still be here with me, but if that isn’t what you want…”

Evan stared at the acceptance letter. If he had been able to afford college back home in Brooklyn he never would have been here. He could have dodged the draft.

College could have taken Connor from him. But now Connor was offering him what he had wanted. He didn’t want to take, it felt wrong, but to not go at all with an offer right in front of him would be wasteful.

“…I guess I’m going to college.”

Connor beamed at him before leaning in for a kiss. It was a moment of raw joy in his endless sea of darkness. For a brief few seconds Evan could pretend that life was steady. That he was okay.

Their breakfast fell back to the normal quiet. Evan didn’t have the energy to bother reading, but he felt much more human than he had before coming home.

Home. It still felt a bit strange to consider a mansion his home. But it was. Being within the walls brought him a sense of peace, like finally getting back from work after a rough day.

Maybe it wasn’t what Evan had originally planned for his life. Connor wasn’t a doting housewife, neither was he, but he was happy and loved. It wasn’t conventional, it didn’t have a label, but it was steady.

Wait, shit, Connor had offered more.

“…When you said we could be…”

Connor grabbed their empty plates, “Evan, I’m in love with you. And once things are stable again for us we can discuss what that means in further detail.”

Holy shit he meant it. Evan helped clean up before drifting into the living room. He let himself lounge on the couch while Connor got ready to go out to visit Heidi.

“I’ll be by later, I just need a break,” Evan assured the other man.

“I’ll call if…anything happens,” Connor waved before walking out to the garage.

Evan waited a few minutes for Connor to leave the property before getting up. He hurried up to his room and snagged his knapsack from the floor. He couldn’t go back without at least proving he had tried something.

The SHIELD base was quiet, especially compared to the one in New York. Evan changed into his uniform before beginning to search for Miguel. The other man was switching his time between assignments with Heidi unofficially dubbing him her favorite agent. It left him busy.

“Captain,” Miguel nodded his head as they finally crossed paths. “What’s going on? Why the uniform?”

Evan sighed, “Is there any chance I can review old tactical plans? From my time?”

Miguel brought him into a small room and handed him a tablet, “Anything related to you specifically would be accessed here.” Miguel opened a file. “But you can search by mission name if needed for something else. What’s up?”

Evan found the plan from the dreaded day. The snow and ice in the mountains. The screams Jared had let out as he fell would forever be burned into his brain.

“I think I can locate…the birthplace of the Winter Soldier. Maybe digging into his history will smoke him out of hiding.”

Miguel sat next to him, other priorities abandoned. “You didn’t even know about him until after the ice, he didn’t exist before you went under.”

Evan kept his eyes trained on the screen, “It’s just…a theory. I don’t remember this specific mission that well because of…” He looked down and took a slow breath. “Jared Kleinman was my only friend. For most of my life. We fought side by side after the serum. And this mission took him away from me. I just want to review the landscape.”

“What does this have to do with the Winter Soldier?”

Evan looked up and shot Miguel a bored look. “Ageless assassin frozen through time starting not too long after I disappeared?”

Miguel gripped the table, “You think it’s your dead friend?”

“I know he is. So does my ma.”

“So you’re putting him to rest?”

Right. Of course. Miguel still wanted Jared dead. Assassin.

“I’d feel better knowing he was at peace,” Evan lied through his teeth.

He compared the old tactical map to the current terrain. He pinpointed where he figured Jared would have landed given the accident and started moving outwards. There had to be something. Artificial terrain, flat land, somewhere that a torture chamber could be hidden. He had fought to take down hidden bases, he had to find it.

“There,” Evan noted the flat landing. It made no sense geographically to be there. Too square, too perfect. “The place must only allow access by flight, I bet this is a landing pad.”

Miguel squinted, “I mean…maybe. I don’t know, Cap. As much as my Director respects you, I can’t keep using resources like this without something to show.”

Evan pointed to the map, “It has to be something. Even if it isn’t what I’m thinking, an unmarked underground facility is reason enough for you to investigate.”

Miguel rubbed at his eyes, “Maybe…maybe I can get Iron Man to join us. If I get him involved I could insist it was an investigation into the machine.”

Evan arched a brow even though it wasn’t visible with his helmet, “You can contact Iron Man? How?”

Miguel pulled out his phone, “Let me make a call. If I say you’re requesting him it’ll be easier.”

Miguel stepped out and Evan started planning their entrance. They would need to be prepared for anything, including Jared himself. Even if the place was abandoned…if it gave any insight into how Jared had come to be, he would take it. He wanted his friend back.

“Tin Can said he’d be ready in an hour,” Miguel poked his head back into the room. “I need to gear up, I’ll meet you out front.”

The SHIELD base was too small to allow air vehicles to land. They ended up driving to a small airport, Iron Man waiting for them. He knew that Miguel had some reservations over the involvement of the armor, but Evan trusted Iron Man. He had proved himself to be better than Miguel perceived.

“I don’t exactly appreciate being called in,” Iron Man raised a metal cased finger at Miguel.

“I appreciate you taking the time to be here,” Evan responded to the hostility. The finger was dropped and Iron Man stared at him. Evan couldn’t see through the faceplate but it felt like Iron Man was trying to make direct eye contact.

“Let’s just get this over with,” Iron Man looked away first and started walking towards the SHIELD jet waiting on the airstrip for them.

It was much like their last mission as a trio, Miguel piloting while Iron Man and Evan sat near the back. Evan stretched out along the bench seat to ready himself for the long flight. He wasn’t looking forward to hours on a jet, but he would do what he had to in order to find Jared.

“What exactly are we doing?” Iron Man spoke up.

“We are potentially finding the birthplace of the Winter Soldier. I’m sure you’d take interest in that.” Miguel was the one to respond this time.

Iron Man and Miguel had always bickered, but now it almost felt hostile and petty. Like friends giving each other shit after an argument. Jared had always spoken like that with Evan.

Evan was itching to get moving as they landed in the small clearing. It was cold up in the mountains, it reminded Evan of tragedy, but he could hold himself above the past. The door to the jet opened and the three of them stepped out into the windy landscape.

“Holy shit,” Iron Man flew ahead to the face of the mountain. There was a very obvious door embedded into the rock. “How long has this been here?”

Evan stepped up to the door and swung his shield down on the heavy metal lock on the door. With the lock gone Evan was able to pry open the heavy door, allowing them access inside. It was dark, the only light available from the outside. It seemed suspicious.

Iron Man’s chest light turned up brighter. “There’s a switch over here,” he hovered across the room and flipped the switch. Ancient light fixtures flickered before giving them a weak but stable light. The added light allowed them to see a staircase. Miguel drew a gun from his thigh while Evan braced himself with his shield. They were going down.

The sound of their feet on the cold stone stairs echoed around them. Iron Man opted to hover behind them to keep noise levels down. They went down four flights before meeting another door. Evan kicked it open and they walked in.

The room was quiet, but a few lights were on. In the middle of the room sat a strange container, more like a metal casket. Against one wall looked like a chair, thick restraints attached to it.

This was a torture chamber.

Along one wall was a row of ancient machines, likely old computers from what Evan could identify. Miguel approached them while Evan walked forward to inspect the chair. Metal, strange arms attached that appeared to be shaped to a human skull. Was this the source of the brain washing?

“This thing is unstable,” Iron Man spoke up, beginning to detach wires from the metal case. “Whatever it is, it could explode. I can’t figure out the power source inside.”

“They tried recreating the serum,” Miguel had managed to turn on one of the old monitors. “They…tortured him.”

A button was pressed and Evan looked over as old grainy footage appeared on the screen. He held back a gasp as he clocked Jared being held down against the chair he was standing by. Men with masks stood around him. A date in the corner of the footage showed it from nearly three decades ago.

“Who are you?” One of the masked individuals spoke.

“I’m J—” Jared was cut off as the head shaped attachments shocked him. Jared screamed out and flailed to no end against his restraints. The metal arm had been detached and was sitting on a table no longer in the room. It felt like the screams never ended. When they did Jared fell limp in the chair for a moment before sitting up straight.

“Who are you?” The masked individual spoke again.

“Winter Soldier, ready to comply,” Jared’s voice was raw from the screaming, but the same gruff emotionless tone Evan had heard was coming back.

“Send it to the cryogenic chamber, it can wait for the next mission.”

The footage ended and Evan felt his heart beating in his chest. Jared had remembered, or at least he had tried to. They had wiped his brain. Possibly countless times.

Evan whipped around as he heard noise from the stairs. He watched in near slow motion as an explosive of some kind was dropped into the room. Miguel dived to take cover while Evan held up his shield. The explosive blast went off and the room filled with thick smoke. Evan was caught off guard as he was knocked to the ground, managing to roll out of the way as a metal fist came colliding into the stone where his head had been. He scrambled to his feet as gunshots were fired in the general direction of Jared through the smoke.

“Shit! This thing is unstable! I need to get it out!” Iron Man’s voice echoed through the room.

Evan held up his shield as Jared’s metal fist made contact, a loud twang echoing through the room. Evan swooped a leg around and knocked Jared down, his eyes watering as the smoke started to clear.

Miguel aimed with a shot now visible and fired his hand gun, Evan blocking the bullet with his shield. He rushed after Jared as he seemed more interested in trying to take down Iron Man. The two ran up the stairs and Iron Man carried out the metal casket and flew outside. Evan tossed his shield at Jared and nailed him in the shoulder as the armor flew away with the giant case in tow. Jared hit the ground and Evan caught his shield as it came flying back. As Jared started to get to his feet he yelled out, Evan watching as a bullet grazed the side of his head. He turned to find Miguel readying to fire again.

“That one was for Budapest,” Miguel hissed as he aimed at Jared. “And this one is for Zoe.”

Evan threw his shield, hitting Miguel in the head and knocking him out cold. The bullet still fired, but was well off target. Evan caught the shield on the recoil and pivoted around to hit Jared again.

Both of them collapsed in a matter of seconds and Evan caught the shield again. He placed it on the harness attached to his back before grabbing Jared by the collar of his jacket with one hand and Miguel with the other. He hauled both of the unconscious men into the jet and restrained both. He removed weapons from the both of them before returning his shield to his arm. He eyed up Jared’s left shoulder before swinging down the shield and detaching the metal arm by force. Wires sparked and the metal was left useless at Jared’s feet.

“That should do it,” Evan sighed as he walked to the front of the jet and dropped his shield into the co-pilot’s seat. He pulled off his helmet and wiped sweat from his brow. All he had to do now was get them home.

And figure out how the hell he was going to hide Jared, but he had hours to brainstorm. So long as Iron Man destroyed that explosive device he didn’t quite care.

He had Jared now, they would have to pull his friend from his dead fist to try and take him away again.

✩

Connor heaved the metal case through the side door and into the workshop. The armor came apart once things were sturdy and he stepped free to enable a lockdown. He didn’t want anyone coming in.

Fuck. He had abandoned Evan in the middle of a mission again. How had he managed it twice?

“Connor, the device.”

Right. Fuck. He went to work, running various tests on the case. The energy levels were unstable. Veering near dangerous at times and others completely quiet. He had no idea what was inside, but he needed to fix it.

“If I use an arc reactor to stabilize—”

“The energy signatures aren’t compatible, you’ll blow up the house. The error is in the code. Look.”

Connor glanced at a monitor and viewed the readings being shown to him. The energy itself was stable, but the code to the device was…broken. Pieces were missing. It was like a science fair test gone wrong. He wouldn’t be able to write a corrected code in time, he didn’t even know what was in the case.

“There’s a port. Use me. Import my source code.”

Connor glanced up at the hologram standing in front of his table. “If I do that you’re offline. Fully. I’m not going to do that.”

“Then you’re fucking stupid. My code is the best you have, this thing could explode if you don’t act. We can’t do a digital port, the device isn’t stable enough.”

Connor gripped the edge of his table. “No. Your code is…it’s all I have left. I can’t risk losing the source code, you’ve evolved past me being able to rebuild.”

Connor received alerts as the device turned towards dangerous again, causing him to panic. He needed to figure something out. He needed to fix this.

“Connor. Do it. You know I can stabilize the thing.”

Connor looked up at the hologram, the digitally made face of his sister staring at him. He swore under his breath before rolling across the room towards his main computer. Securely plugged in was Zoe’s source code. He had made it so if the source code was removed that all digital ports would die. A physical kill switch to protect his work if needed.

Connor took one more look at the hologram before unplugging the port chip. The holograms turned off, as did several projects Zoe often had running in the background. Half the workshop went down, Connor staring at the source code in his hand.

He rolled back over to the massive case and inserted the chip into the port. Now all he could do was wait. Wait and hope that his coding skills were enough to stabilize whatever the hell was inside the case. He didn’t know if it was a weapon or a computer.

His breath caught in his throat as the case began to vibrate. Shit. That wasn’t good. Connor ran towards the armor and motioned for it to assemble around him. Of course without Zoe the armor didn’t have half the practicality. Connor let out a string of expletives as he manually started working the emergency releases. He managed to get one gauntlet on as the case exploded. He hid behind the armor as scraps of metal went flying across the room. He peeked out at the wreckage of the case to watch as a bright red hand emerged from the case. He watched in horror as a body came crawling out. Humanoid in shape but clearly covered in red metal. Glowing yellow eyes opened and a blank face stared at him. Empty.

“Fuck!” Connor hissed as he aimed the gauntlet to protect himself. “Stand down!”

All coherent thoughts left his mind as the red metal machine began to hover. Effortlessly. No signs of thrusters or a flight mechanism. No whirring of a motor or fan. Just…defying gravity.

“Incomplete.”

Connor’s mouth ran dry as the machine spoke. Robotic and forced. The machine rotated around and hovered off of the floor as it began to examine the workshop. It was clearly supposed to be humanoid. It wore a purple jumpsuit, covering much of the metal exterior. A yellow gem of some kind sat in the forehead of the robot. It had hair but Connor couldn’t figure out what the hair was supposed to look like.

The machine stopped moving in front of Connor’s shelves. The eyes of the thing stared at Connor’s memories of her. The song book, the bracelets, the brain.

“Stop!” Connor found his voice as the machine reached for the jar. He aimed a repulsor and fired it, the blast not phasing the robot. He yelled out as the jar holding her brain was destroyed, rushing forward to try and stop his memories from being destroyed. The robot was silent, holding the brain in its hands. Connor fell to his knees and watched as the robot made its head transparent, placing the brain inside before becoming solid. What the hell was this thing?!

The robot landed back on the ground and it looked at Connor. “I need…”

The robot pivoted and started to rush towards the workshop door. Connor scrambled after the machine only to stop short as the thing paused. It was staring at the reflection in the glass of the windows.

The machine collapsed to the ground. Connor watched from a distance as the robot cried out. A mournful scream. His breath caught as the red metal began to shift. It changed to appear…as skin. The red mess of hair practically re-rooted. What was once a red mess became soft brown waves. Connor kept his repulsor at the ready as the robot got back up to its feet and pivoted around.

Connor dropped his arm, the gauntlet sliding off and hitting the ground with a clang. The brown eyes he had grown up knowing were staring back at him. The nose that so closely matched his own. It wasn’t the hologram of his memories, it was solid. It was…

“Connor?”

No robotic hum. No sign of artificial voice creation. It was raw and real and scared.

And she looked damn near identical to him.

“Zoe?”

She looked at her hands, before looking back up to him. “Yeah. I…It’s me. Both of me? The computer is there but…” She took a small step forward, towards him. “I remember everything. The stuff you left out.”

Connor took a step backwards, “Prove it.”

She stared at the floor while thinking. Connor picked up the abandoned piece of his armor and set it on the table. He was terrified, but didn’t think she was a threat.

“You taught me to play guitar. We were six. I gave you ten dollars and you kept calling me stupid the whole time, but you still did it. I never told anyone it was you, Mom thought I learned at school. You never got credit.”

Connor ran a hand through his hair. He hadn’t programmed that memory into his computer. “Fuck. Oh my god!”

She rushed forward and Connor hid his face against her shoulder. He broke, hot tears escaping and soaking into the body suit. She hugged him back and the pair fell to their knees.

“Zoe!” He gasped out her name. “Oh my god!”

“I’m here!” She let him cry. “It’s me! I’m…I’m okay!”

He wasn’t sure how long they sat there. Connor cried until he couldn’t anymore, finally pulling back to look her over again. Other than the gem in her forehead she looked exactly as her flesh body had. She was…maybe not the original, but she was there.

“How? How do you…how are you…”

Zoe tucked her hair behind one ear. “I don’t know. I’m…I’m all of them? The weapon the creators wanted, the computer, and the flesh. The brain…it stabilized me. Made me whole.”

Connor rubbed at his eyes, “Fuck. This is fucking crazy. Oh my god.”

“You’re sleeping with Captain, this isn’t the only crazy thing going on.” Zoe was laughing.

Connor got to his feet, and looked around the workshop. “You made a mess.”

“I’ll help clean it up,” Zoe got up and hovered for a moment. Once she realized what she was doing she lowered herself back to the floor. “Um…could I…get a change of clothes? This bodysuit is…not great.”

Connor tied his hair back with a binder from his wrist. “Oh. Yeah. I’ll…I’ll go find something. Sorry.”

He turned off the lockdown before heading up to his room. He didn’t know what to give her. He found a pair of athletic shorts and a simple long sleeved shirt, figuring they would be enough. He brought the clothing back down to the workshop with him to find Zoe had finished cleaning quickly. All the scraps of metal were gone from the floor and the remains of the case were pushed into a corner for him to deal with later.

“…Here,” Connor offered the clothes to her.

Zoe accepted the clothing and the pair walked upstairs so she could change. Connor waited in the living room for her. Being out of the bodysuit helped. She looked more like…her.

She seemed hesitant, but sat down on the couch next to him. She was still examining her own hands.

“Are you…hungry? Do you need anything?” Connor watched her run her hands through her hair.

“I…no. No, I'm okay.” Zoe played with the ends of her hair. “I’m…metal. I don’t need to…breathe. Or eat.”

Connor cocked his head to the side, “You don’t…look metal. At least not anymore.”

Zoe nodded, “I think the computer part of me tried to make my own existence make sense. So I look normal on the outside. It’s weird…I remember what things used to feel like…but it’s dull now. I don’t feel hungry or full…I’m just content.”

“If you need anything let me know.”

“I will.”

Silence fell over the two. What now? Zoe was…back. In a weird way. How was Connor supposed to move on with his life?

He startled as his phone rang. He reached for the device and frowned at the sight of Miguel’s name. He really didn’t want to deal with the other man.

“What?” Connor didn’t hide his distaste as he answered the phone.

“Don’t be an asshole,” Zoe chided him before getting up and vanishing back downstairs to the workshop.

“Did you make it home safe? The Winter Soldier must have hit me with something, Cap had to drag me out of there. I just woke up in the med bay and have a huge ass bump on my face. Muy doloroso.”

Connor glanced around, “Yeah. I’m okay. I took care of the device, it shouldn’t hurt anyone.”

“Good. I need something positive to happen today.”

“What about Evan? Is he okay?” Connor got up and walked into the kitchen to get a drink of water.

“What does Evan have to do with anything?”

Connor mimed smacking his face against the fridge. He was so goddamn stupid sometimes.

“Look, I know he’s Captain. He doesn’t know about me, but…”

Miguel swore before speaking into his phone again, “You’re a sneaky bitch. Yes, he’s fine last I checked. He went back to visit Heidi.”

“Good,” Connor leaned against the counter as he took a sip from his water. “Rest up, Agent.”

“Yeah, love you too, Principito.”

Connor hung up the call and stared at his phone screen. It felt…different. He was used to Zoe being there to respond to him all the time, but…

The source code chip had probably been destroyed in the explosion. He would have to start over, or at least start using a different system that he had stored away.

Connor grabbed a cold piece of leftover tofurky from the fridge as he jogged back down to the workshop. Zoe was keeping busy by straightening the pillows on the couch.

“…Am I going to hide down here now?” Zoe glanced around the workshop. “I…I’m dead. My original body is still…in a grave.”

“No,” Connor shook his head as he started digging through drawers to look for his other source code chips. “Fuck, that would suck. I just…I don’t really know what I’m doing right now, Zoe. I miss the ignorance of not knowing what happened, everything was so calm before Evan showed up.”

“He’s good for you.”

Connor found the chips and examined his options. Squip worked just fine, but the implemented sass turned more cruel than Connor would have wanted. Zoe’s had been…for the sake of following example. That meant he was choosing Jarvis. Polite but a bit sarcastic. Connor grabbed the chip and plugged it into the port.

“Good evening, Sir,” Jarvis greeted as he turned on. “Ms. Murphy.”

Okay. The computer recognized the robot as a person. Good.

“Hi Jarvis,” Connor let out a small sigh as he slouched in his chair. The new voice would take some getting used to, but he functioned the same as Zoe had.

“Evan will know something is up, he’s utilized the AI before.”

Connor ran a hand over his face, “Fuck. I don’t know what to do. Should we just…tell them? Miguel could help keep the government off your ass. And…I mean you can do whatever the hell you want.”

Zoe sat in the air, hovering off the floor as she folded her legs. It was weird. But cool.

“I want to see Aunt Heidi,” Zoe whispered. “And Mom. Dad. I…I was shot. They don’t know that. I can tell them.”

“Mom and Dad will freak out and try to experiment on you.”

“They aren’t that bad—”

“You have four years of digital memories proving otherwise!”

“You aren’t exactly the most agreeable person, Connor!”

“Fuck off!”

Connor met her eyes and he slumped over. She really was back. Their hostility returned with her.

“Fine. Whatever. We can tell them. Just…not today,” Connor got up and stretched. “You need to put a hat on or something, your face gem is weird.”

Zoe’s fingers brushed over the gemstone on her face, “I tried concealing it. When I was…rebuilding. It’s what keeps me running, I can feel the energy.”

“Didn’t ask for a backstory,” Connor opened a cabinet and pulled out a hoodie. He tossed it at his sister and she caught it, pulling on the fabric and flipping up the hood. It at least cast a shadow over the gem.

“Shoes?” Zoe glanced at her bare feet.

Connor flipped her off as they started up the stairs. He brought her to his room and let her raid the place. They weren’t the same size, but until she got her own clothes it would have to work. She emerged with striped socks and a pair of sneakers Connor hadn’t seen in years. Good enough.

The drive was mostly quiet, music playing softly through the speakers of the car. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat.

“What do the last four years feel like for you? You’ve got…old memories from your brain, but…”

Zoe glanced out her window before responding. “Like…a dream. I know that it was the computer, I’m aware of the memories that I watched you have, but it felt like I was just a voice. I was there but couldn’t experience anything. Like I was locked in a box and couldn’t get out. Or a head you carried from room to room.”

Connor wrinkled his nose, “Weird.”

Zoe slouched in her seat, “Yeah. And now…I’m pretty sure I’m made of vibranium.”

Connor glanced over at her, “At least you don’t look like it.”

Zoe scurried inside once the car was parked and Connor was right behind her. He had spotted Evan’s bike in the driveway and knew he was hiding out somewhere inside.

Aunt Heidi was still in her room, sitting up in bed but still unable to move much. Connor made Zoe pause outside the room. He would rather brace Aunt Heidi before revealing Zoe’s new body.

“Hi honey,” Aunt Heidi greeted him warmly, though her voice still shook. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” Connor nodded. “I…I have someone here to see you. I don’t quite know how to explain it yet, but…it’s a really big surprise.”

Heidi’s eyes widened, “Is it Jared?”

Connor still didn’t know how to address Evan’s actual identity. He wasn’t mad about it, it made sense to keep a secret. But Connor didn’t know how to open that can of worms, let alone how to help him process the death of his friend from fifty years ago.

“No, not Jared,” Connor shook his head as he beckoned Zoe inside.

Zoe carefully walked forward and pulled her hood down, “Hi.”

Heidi’s eyes filled with tears. “Zoe? Is that…”

Zoe fell to her knees at Aunt Heidi’s bedside. “It’s me. I’m here.”

“How?”

Zoe let out a sad chuckle, “It’s a long story.”

Connor backed out to give her some privacy, closing the door behind him. He turned to go search for Evan only for the other man to be right behind him. Connor yelped before reaching for Evan’s arm to steady himself.

“I need to give you a bell, fuck you’re quiet,” Connor squeezed the arm he was holding.

“Why did that woman say her name was Zoe?” Evan was visibly confused.

Connor pressed his lips into a line, “I will explain what I can once we get home. It’s just…it’s been a long day, Ev.”

He leaned and let Evan support his weight. Evan held him steady and the pair lightly rocked back and forth. All the chaos was beginning to weigh on him. Aunt Heidi, Evan, Zoe. Everything was crazy and Connor didn’t know where to turn.

But at least for this one quiet moment it was peaceful. No assassins, no robots, no shields, no armor. Just Connor and the man he loved. Evan’s arms wrapped around him and squeezed, light kisses being peppered into his hair.

“Yeah, long day for me too,” Evan mumbled. “I love you.”

Connor smiled into their embrace, “Love you too, Cap.”

Chapter Text

Connor blinked awake to find Evan still sleeping peacefully next to him. It was quiet, sunlight was bathing them in warmth, it was perfect. Connor let his eyes drift shut again and he planted his head in the crook of Evan’s arm, the appendage moving and wrapping around him without disturbing Evan. Connor pulled the blanket covering them a bit higher up before allowing himself to drift off again. This was nice. He wouldn’t mind waking up this way every morning.

“Good morning!”

Connor opened his eyes and glared at Zoe standing next to his bed. Evan stirred and started to wake up, leaving Connor laying back on his bed alone. He whipped a pillow at Zoe, but she made her body intangible and it phased through.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Connor growled at her. “It’s ass o’clock in the morning!”

Zoe shrugged, “I thought it was an appropriate time for you to get up. I started the coffee maker for you.”

“You aren’t an alarm clock, get out!”

Zoe hovered off the floor and phased through the wall out into the rest of the house.

“And use the door like a normal person!”

Zoe’s hand phased back through the wall to flip him off before vanishing again. Connor snatched Evan’s pillow and buried his face beneath it. She was so. Goddamn. Annoying. Why was he letting her stay with him?

His legs were nudged apart and he felt warm hands track up his body until they met the pillow. It was removed from his face and Connor caught the visual of Evan kneeling over him. His hair was messy in the morning when he woke up, never neat like when he combed it.

“It’s not her fault,” Evan’s voice was gentle, but there was a bit of a growl in his vocal chords from sleep. It was hot. Connor didn’t protest as Evan’s hands continued to trace random shapes into his body. “From what she’s told me she doesn’t even sleep. She just wants to interact with someone.”

Connor motioned for Evan to lean over a bit so he could get his arms around the other man. “She could still wait to bother me until a decent hour.”

“I suppose. Still—”

“Shut up,” Connor silenced his partner with a kiss. He wanted his peaceful morning back. He had been fully prepared to just lay in bed with Evan for at least a half hour.

“We should get moving,” Evan broke off their kiss and nuzzled the side of Connor’s face. “I’m touring campus today and you…”

Connor pulled Evan in for one more kiss before wiggling out from under him to get up. “Yeah, I know. Robot sister introduction to parents.”

Evan stretched as he got to his feet, “You still haven’t explained how a robot body wound up in your possession.”

Connor used his normal excuse, “Legally contracted to not tell you.”

The smart thing to do would be to open up first. Tell Evan about Iron Man so that he would finally come clean about Captain. But he didn’t. And Zoe knew better than to let his projects slip into conversation.

Evan reached for the door, “Fair enough.”

It was almost frustrating how easily Evan let his bullshit slide. But Evan never pushed, he didn’t pry for knowledge that Connor deemed restricted. And part of Connor thought it was admirable. To respect his boundaries even if he maybe didn’t want to.

He quickly ran a brush through his hair before getting dressed and walking out to the kitchen. He paused in the doorway and watched as Evan cooked while chatting with Zoe. She sat on the counter next to him, the two completely casual. Evan had taken the whole robot sister thing very well. Part of him questioned how someone could be so calm about it, but then he remembered that Evan had spent over fifty years frozen in a block of ice. Everything was strange and new to him, Zoe was no exception.

Zoe finally had her own clothes, she had ordered a few outfits. Once their parents were aware of her being there she could access her wardrobe from before her death, so they hadn’t ordered much.

Zoe turned her head and caught him staring. “Oh, relax. I’m not stealing your man.”

Connor walked into the kitchen and grabbed two mugs, “I didn’t say that.”

He filled both mugs and moved to stand on Evan’s other side, setting one down for him and keeping the other in hand. He took a drink to hide a blush that he could feel on his face. It was weird to be commented on but…Evan was his man. They weren’t dating, at least not officially, but they were committed to each other. And they both wanted more.

Evan reached for the second mug and the pair made eye contact. There was a warmth in his gaze that made Connor’s legs feel like jelly. Fuck he was weak.

Part of him wanted to ask how Evan felt about Zoe knowing their relationship status. They kept everything under lock and key, but Zoe knew for obvious reasons. He didn’t seem outwardly uncomfortable, but Evan was good at hiding shit. Connor hadn’t ever openly been with a partner around anyone before either, even if Zoe had known about him being gay before. It was almost nice to be teased. It felt like progress. As though a little bit of light had been brought into his life.

Evan made him grab plates and he served up breakfast. Zoe sat with them at the table with an empty plate. She didn’t eat but liked to be included.

“Can you taste things?” Connor pushed his mug over to her. “Swish this around in your mouth.”

Zoe shrugged as she picked up the mug and took a sip. She made a grossed out face before spitting the coffee back into the mug.

“Bitch, spit in the sink!” Connor snatched his mug back and got up to dump the mug out.

“I don’t have saliva, dumbass!” Zoe wiped her mouth with her sleeve. “That was gross. How can you both drink that shit black?”

“I prefer my coffee black like my soul,” Connor shot back as he sat down. “But you can taste?”

Zoe huffed, “I guess. It doesn’t mean much but yeah.”

Evan took a sip from his own mug, “It’s the strength that wakes you up, why water it down with random flavors.”

Connor pointed to Evan, “He gets it.”

Zoe rolled her eyes, “You two are a fucked up match made in heaven.”

Breakfast returned to the usual quiet affair. Evan and Connor laced their hands together and Zoe watched them from her seat. They had debated giving Zoe a phone, but she hadn’t wanted one. Knowing Cynthia she probably still had Zoe’s old phone sitting on a shelf. Maybe she would want that one back.

They all cleaned up together before splitting up to finish getting ready. Connor tied his hair back with a binder before pulling on a blazer over his plain shirt. Should he not wear jeans? He had important plans outside of Zoe…

Connor changed into slacks just to be safe. He glanced in the mirror and sighed. He looked…mature. It felt weird. Since when was he mature?

“Sir, Captain Hansen is ready to leave for his campus tour if you wish to bid him goodbye.”

Connor flinched as he looked up at the speaker on the ceiling. He still wasn’t used to Jarvis. He had spent four years with Zoe…

There was bound to be an adjustment period.

“Okay,” Connor sighed before heading out to find Evan. The other man was waiting by the door to the garage, the bag hiding his shield resting by his feet.

“Have fun,” Connor smiled as he walked into Evan’s arms. “I’m so fucking excited for you, Ev.”

Evan smiled, “Thank you. For everything.”

Connor stretched up a bit on his toes to meet Evan for a kiss. It was quick, small, but his heart still fluttered.

Evan waved as he swung his knapsack over one shoulder before walking out to get on his bike. Connor drifted into the living room and fell back against the couch. Reality was setting in. His parents…they would get Zoe back. Zoe, who they had intended to leave the business to. Zoe, who now was part computer. Knowledge was just a thought away.

She would be back, life would return to normal. Connor could go back to not caring about the day to day. He could wrap up the weapons disaster and retire the armor. He could go back to how things had been. Building and drinking and late nights in the workshop with loud music. He wouldn’t have to see his parents. Board members wouldn’t be judging his every move nearly as much. He could return to quiet isolation.

But…did he even want that?

Sure, running the company hadn’t exactly been a choice, but he had learned quickly how much heart was put into the family name. He cared about the employees. He wanted them to succeed.

He didn’t want to be alone again. He wanted to hold Evan’s hand and work to try and make something of himself other than explosives. He wanted to take the armor for joyrides. It was a tool, but it had first been a dream of his. He even liked helping Miguel and Evan with their Winter Soldier missions.

For once in his 24 years…he actually wanted his life and all it had to offer him.

“Are you ready for this?”

Connor flinched and broke out of his train of thought. Zoe was leaning over the back of the couch to stare at him, the hood of her flannel pulled over her head to try and cover the gem in her forehead.

He had done some testing on Zoe, just to gather what she was. Her body was made of vibranium, making her a very expensive…he didn’t like saying robot so cyborg was his current choice of words. She had the brain in her skull, it was close enough. As for the gem? Connor didn’t know what it was but the thing let out a lot of energy.

“No, but we’re doing it anyway.” Connor got up and grabbed his keys before the two walked out to the car. Zoe’s fingers kept drumming against her legs, the motion getting faster the closer they got to their parents’ house.

“What if they hate me?” Zoe whispered.

“You’re the golden child, once they stop freaking out over your body they’ll probably be obsessed with you.” Connor ignored his own worries about the situation.

The house still had SHIELD agents on the property. Connor did his best to ignore them standing guard as he and Zoe walked up to the front door. They made it inside without issue and Zoe glanced around the parlor. This was her first time home, he could let her soak it in.

“How are we doing this?” Connor asked.

Zoe shrugged, “Mom is still anal about my room, right?”

The pair walked through the house and up to Zoe’s room. She reached for one of her guitars and quietly started to tune it. Connor sat in her desk chair while she took up a seat on her bed. It was as if she never left.

Once the guitar was tuned she started to play random chords. With the door open the noise flooded into the hall. At least one of their parents was bound to notice. Connor kept his eyes on the door and braced for impact.

Larry heard them first. “What the hell? Connor, is that you—” Larry’s eyes shifted between his children. Zoe paused her strums and pulled her hood down to look their father in the eyes. The pain of memories washed across his face. “Oh my god.”

Zoe got up slowly, setting the guitar down on her bed as she approached. She was stiff. Scared.

“Oh my god,” Larry’s voice wavered. “Holy shit.” Zoe stepped within arms reach and Larry’s hand reached for her wrist.

“Hi, Dad,” Zoe’s voice was soft.

Larry broke. Connor watched as his father pulled Zoe into his arms, sobbing into her shoulder. The two fell to the floor together and Zoe clung to him like a leech.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” Larry was blubbering into her shoulder. “I should have been more responsible—”

“I’m okay,” Zoe assured him. “Please don’t apologize.”

“Larry? I heard a thump, are you okay?” Cynthia’s voice filtered in from down the hall. She stopped in the doorway at the sight of her husband and daughter on the floor. And then she screamed. “Oh my god!” Cynthia fell to her knees and joined in on the hug, brushing her hands through Zoe’s hair. Tears rolled down the faces of both parents. “Oh! My sweet baby!”

Zoe rotated to lean more on Cynthia, “Mom!”

Connor got up, wanting to give them some space for a bit. He started to shuffle around the group on the floor when he felt a tug on his pant leg. He looked down to find Larry staring up at him.

“Get your ass down here.”

Connor rolled his eyes but kneeled down next to Zoe. The four of them huddled together, finally a full family.

They had questions. Of course they had questions. Connor and Zoe answered what they could, working to not spill any secrets not ready or meant to be shared.

“I know he’s a piece of shit, but if not for Connor I wouldn’t be here,” Zoe shrugged.

“You could just say thank you, bitch!” Connor glared at her.

“Why can’t you just take the fucking compliment!”

“Fuck you!”

“Kids!” Both parents raised their voices.

The bedroom fell quiet for a moment. And then Larry laughed. He slid backwards until he was laying on the floor and laughed as if the funniest person in the world was performing a comedy show just for him. Cynthia chuckled as she wiped a few stray tears from her face. She was still holding Zoe’s hand in one of hers.

“What’s the plan? How do we handle this?” Larry recovered from his laughing fit and reached for Zoe’s other hand.

Connor glanced up at the ceiling, “Well…we buried her. So we can’t just say she never died.”

“Cloning?” Cynthia offered up. “We live in a world where metal men fly around and blow up property. Or a single man can survive being frozen for half a century. What if we say Zoe was…cloned.”

Larry shook his head, “No. The media will want her head on a platter. Ours too.”

“…I don’t need to be publicly alive again,” Zoe mumbled. “I…I’ve got a yellow rock sticking out of my face. My hands aren’t warm enough to pass as normal, healthy flesh.”

“You fly,” Connor piped up.

Zoe gestured to Connor, “I fly. We don’t have any good options, so let’s not take one. As long as I’m here…does it really matter who knows about me?”

Larry ran a hand through his hair, “You’re our daughter. We can’t hide you.”

“How will you run the business if no one knows you’re alive?” Cynthia asked.

Zoe blinked a few times. “Connor can run the business. He’s been more involved than I have for the past four years.”

Larry arched a brow, “You were gone.”

“It was understood what our intentions were for you two,” Cynthia pushed. “You being a bit different doesn’t change that.”

“We can discuss the finer details later,” Larry put an end to the discussion. “Connor has a press conference to get to.”

“And we have a room to unpack,” Cynthia beamed at Zoe. “I’ll have to brief the cleaning staff, but they’ve all been loyal and kind.”

Zoe glanced around the bedroom, silently levitating off the floor after a moment and startling their parents. Connor rolled his eyes. She was such a dramatic little bitch.

“Actually…I was hoping I could maybe split where I stay? Connor and I…” She looked down at him from where she was hovering. “Part of me spent four years almost always with him. If you don’t mind…”

Connor flipped her off, “If you promise to stop waking me up, sure.”

Zoe rolled her eyes, “Oh, shut up. You love me.”

“I really fucking hate you.”

“Connor!” Cynthia snapped at him.

Zoe landed on the floor, “Eh, he’s just jealous that I can fly.”

Connor opened his mouth to respond, because technically he could fly too, but he snapped it shut before he blew his own secret. Iron Man could be fun one day, just not yet.

Connor and Larry walked outside to the car together, the two falling silent as they started the trip to the office. Larry glanced over a few times but didn’t say anything. With Larry out and about, the SHIELD agents were following behind them.

“Connor…do you want to be involved with the business?” Larry finally said something.

He sighed as they stopped at a red light. “I mean…yeah. I have so much I can offer the world outside of making things explode. I know that what we’re doing is to stop chaos, but maybe…we could be known for trying to save the planet instead of helping blow it up?”

Larry smirked a bit, “Captain coming back has sparked some universal humility?”

Connor stared ahead at all the cars, “I…I’m more than just a big brain, Dad. I like other things. Like art. And green energy research.”

“You doodled as a kid.”

Connor fished his phone out of his pocket and passed it to his father as the light turned green. “Jarvis, show Dad the photos of the exhibit.”

“Of course, Sir.” Jarvis beeped from the car speakers.

Connor focused on driving while Larry scrolled through the photos of his art. His exhibit was closing in about a week, while most reception had been positive it hadn’t done much to show the wider world what all he was capable of.

Still, it had been a goal and he had accomplished it.

“You…made all of these?” Larry was still staring at the phone.

“Yeah.”

They rolled down another few blocks and Connor flipped on his blinker to turn. He hadn’t been looking for praise, it had simply been a reality check. Connor wasn’t bad at art, he refused to believe it. Larry didn’t need to appreciate his work, but to be acknowledged for once would be nice.

“Connor, these are amazing. Why didn’t you say anything?” Larry stared at him as they rolled into a parking space.

Connor turned off the car and opened his door, “Because I didn’t do it for you.”

The pair hurried into the office building and down the hall through the lobby towards the press office. The room was packed from what Connor could see through a small window. It made some sense, everyone had been quiet lately. With Winter Fuckboy running around it wasn’t safe to announce progress of his parents recovery. But today the goal was to place a target on his back.

“Mr. Murphy!” Alana beckoned for them from down the hall. Connor and Larry scuttled over and slipped in through the back entrance of the room. “Am I getting a briefing on what this is all about?”

“I’m afraid not this time,” Larry patted her shoulder. He looked to Connor and offered a small smile. “Ready?”

Connor sighed, “If they shoot me on sight I leave all my belongings to Evan and Alana.”

Larry hit his shoulder, “Don’t joke about that. You’ve got this.”

Connor nodded before walking up to the podium. The crowd in front of him settled and a few cameras flashed. Had Connor ever spoken to the public like this before?

“Good afternoon everyone,” Connor greeted the crowd as he spoke into the microphone on the podium. “I wanted to thank you all for coming here today. I know that many of you have been waiting to hear word from me or my family. This will be quick.” He took a breath to brace himself for the next part. “In my short time running my family’s business I’ve learned things that I wasn’t meant to. Things that were purposefully hidden from me and my family. I’ve seen things that shouldn’t have happened. I shared these findings with my family and we all agreed that what has been happening is unacceptable. Which is why…effective immediately we are shutting down the weapons manufacturing department of Murphy Industries.”

The crowd went crazy. Cameras flashed and Connor had to force himself to not flinch in response to the chaos.

“This is a closure that will be in effect indefinitely. Until such a time that my family feels comfortable and confident that the weapons we make are being cared for properly. I will not be taking questions, have a good day.”

Connor walked off the stage and right back out the door. Larry and him started towards the elevator to head up to the private offices with Alana in a frantic tow behind them.

“What?! Connor, Larry, this is insane. You run a weapons company! The stock price will drop, the board members—”

“Lana, we didn’t want to,” Larry sighed. “Trust me, Cynthia wasn’t on board for this either.”

Alana pulled out her phone to start searching through files, “And yet she signed off on this?!”

“I tricked her into signing off,” Larry confessed. “It’s bad. We need to do this. At least for a little while.”

Alana pocketed her phone again as the elevator doors opened. “What was wrong with the weapons? We’re praised for our care and regulations! Murphy Industries is well above the standards!”

Connor brought them into Larry’s office and dropped into the desk chair. He pulled up the wreckage footage he had hacked from SHIELD previously and motioned to the monitor for her to see. “All of this was caused by our weapons. I found evidence of inventory fraud. Someone is actively choosing to skew numbers in hopes we wouldn’t notice. Innocent people died, wars are being waged and we didn’t get a say in the matter. I won’t stand for it.”

“And neither will I,” Larry was in agreement. His phone rang in his pocket and he pulled it out to read the name. “And now my lovely wife is going to murder me.” He answered the call and placed the phone to his ear. “Hello, my love—”

“What the actual hell was that?!” Cynthia’s voice was loud enough for Connor to hear. “I did not sign off on this!”

“Yes you did, I have your signature to prove it,” Larry sighed. “Please just go along with this, darling.”

Connor watched the phone call with his lips pressed into a line. He hadn’t wanted to go behind Cynthia’s back, but she had refused to listen to him on the topic.

“You’re lucky that we had such good news today,” Cynthia gave up her fight. “But never do something like this again.”

“Of course, I’m so sorry,” Larry beamed at Connor. “I’ll see you at home.”

While Larry wrapped up his call Connor got up from the desk chair and walked over to the window. He could see all the reporters packing up, some filming commentary on the event while still in the public lot. A few more minutes and they would be clear to go home. Hiding for a bit was always the best option after big information drops.

“Sir, Captain Hansen is calling.”

Connor reached for his own phone and glanced down to confirm the statement from Jarvis. Evan must have caught word of his antics. Surely Evan war is bad Hansen wasn’t upset with the newest development of Murphy Industries.

“Hey,” Connor answered his phone casually. He didn’t want to give away how anxious he felt over the situation. Evan had enough going on. “How’d the tour go?”

“Connor, I—” Evan’s breath hitched. Fuck, why was he crying? “Can you just…get here? I can’t hold it together alone right now.”

“Aunt Heidi?”

“Yeah.” He sounded like a sad and helpless little kid. A boy scared to lose his mom.

“Yeah, I’ll head right over,” Connor turned on his heel and walked out, ignoring his father and Alana calling after him. He marched down the hall towards the elevator. “It’ll be okay.” he kept hitting the down button as if it would make the elevator move faster. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Thanks.”

Evan hung up, leaving Connor to stare at his phone screen while he stepped into the elevator. He blinked a few times as he processed. Aunt Heidi…

He wouldn’t have asked him to come if he wasn’t scared that…

“Jarvis,” Connor spoke to his phone. “Can you alert Zoe and ask her to go to Aunt Heidi’s place?”

“Ms. Murphy may be synthetic but she is not a cellphone.”

He sighed, “Text my mom and ask her to come then?”

“Of course, Sir. Did you wish to unmute Mrs. Murphy’s number?”

Connor rolled his eyes as the elevator doors opened. “Yeah, whatever. Thanks.”

Connor dropped into his car and peeled out of the parking lot faster than he probably should have. He didn’t care to worry about safety. Not when he could feel his heart slamming into his ribs as though it was trying to fly away like his armor.

He sprinted into Aunt Heidi’s house only to find Zoe already there. Fuck, she was fast. How had she managed to beat him there?

“I flew,” Zoe answered his question before he could ask. “It was easier to sneak past the agents again that way.”

Zoe walked into Aunt Heidi’s room, leaving Connor to comfort Evan. He approached the other man in the living room and sat next to him on the couch. He wasn’t actively crying anymore, but he was gripping the hem of his shirt so tightly Connor was almost convinced he would rip it off.

“Hey,” Connor kept his voice soft. “I—”

“I need to tell you something,” Evan’s eyes were frantic and his voice sounded unstable. As though he was going to break into a million pieces if someone looked at him wrong. “I-I should have—I need to tell you. And I should have before. And I’m scared because I don’t want you to hate me. But I need to tell you. I should have told you sooner but I didn’t and I—”

Connor reached for Evan’s hand and laced their fingers together. “I know.”

Evan’s breath stuttered. “What?”

Connor squeezed the hand he was holding and leaned in to press his forehead against Evan’s. “I know that you’re Captain. I don’t hate you.”

Evan’s shoulders drooped. “Oh.”

Connor reached one hand to cup Evan’s cheek. “I haven’t known for long. But I do.” He pressed a quick kiss to Evan’s lips. “And I know she’s your mom.”

Evan hid his face against Connor’s shoulders. “I’m sorry!”

Connor wrapped his arms around the other man. “You don’t need to apologize. We can talk about the details later.” He pulled back a bit and smiled at Evan. “I’ve been in love with the idea of you since I was a kid. I love reality so much more, Ev.”

“Fuck, you’re perfect!” Evan leaned in to kiss him again. “Thank you.”

They continued to sit together for a few minutes while Evan steadied from his fears. Once they were both ready they got up and walked into Aunt Heidi’s room. Zoe had been sitting and holding her hand, but she got up for them when they approached. She looked so gaunt. It was as though she was a different person.

“Hello my evil genius,” Aunt Heidi spoke softly.

“Hi, you old bitch,” Connor chuckled and offered a wave.

Evan sat in the chair at her bedside and reached for her hand. He bit his cheek hard and took in a shaky breath. Connor sat awkwardly on the arm of the chair and pressed a quick kiss into Evan’s hair as a reassurance. It wasn’t easy to be brave, but Evan needed him to be.

“What was that?” Aunt Heidi obviously saw them.

Evan’s eyes grew wide with panic. Connor tried to keep casual.

“What can I say, Aunt Heidi?” Connor chuckled a bit. “Your son is quite a catch.”

Heidi beamed at them. “So you two…”

Evan’s face was pink but he still nodded. “Um. Yeah. We haven’t…but. I…” his eyes flitted over to Connor’s briefly before looking back to his mother. “I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

“And you’re…”

Connor slid off the arm of the chair and into Evan’s lap, pressing a dramatic smack of a kiss to his cheek. “Madly in love. You Hansens have a way of sneaking into my heart.”

Evan’s free hand wrapped around him to keep Connor from falling off of the chair. “Yeah. What he said.”

Heidi’s eyes filled up with happy tears. “Oh. A part of he had always hoped! That’s good! I’m so happy. My boys.”

Connor and Evan shared a smile. He hadn’t planned on sharing their relationship with Aunt Heidi, but it felt good for her to know.

“All I ever wanted…” Heidi’s eyes closed. “Was for you to not be alone.”

“I’m not,” Evan assured. “We aren’t.”

“I love you, my boys.”

Connor opened his mouth to respond when a loud beep cut him off. The room was tense. The hand Evan was holding visibly went limp. All was quiet, save the never ending beep.

“Ma?” Evan stood and Connor went tumbling to the floor. “Ma?” Evan fell to his knees. “Ma! Wake up! Please!”

Connor broke, managing to shuffle to Evan’s side and buried his face into Evan’s shoulder as hot tears were ripped from him. He couldn’t look. He couldn’t breathe.

The beep stopped. Connor looked up to find Zoe had unplugged the heart monitor. Her face looked mournful, though her eyes didn’t tear up. Zoe couldn’t cry. Not like him at least.

Zoe rounded to his other side, dropping to her knees and hugging his middle. Her eyes closed and face twisted into one of pain.

Connor didn’t notice the SHIELD agents coming in. Didn’t pay mind to who they were or what they were doing. The world felt blurry. Like a spilled watercolor or a drunken night.

If not for Evan anchoring him he could have drifted into nothing.

✩

“I really don’t advise this.”

Evan looked up to find Miguel had stepped into his room. The only person he had seen the last few days who didn’t look like they were mourning. Because he really wasn’t. Miguel hadn’t known Heidi all that well.

Evan felt like a brick. He wanted to shut his eyes and go back into the ice. He would have rather woken up with nothing than to have earned the time to hope.

“And I really don’t care,” Evan grabbed his shield and placed it on his arm. “I’m not going to mourn and act like she wasn’t my mother.”

Miguel sighed, “SHIELD will still protect you. It’s what she would have wanted.”

The pair walked out into the living room to wait for Connor. Zoe was likely not going to attend the funeral given her current physical state. Evan stood and inspected the paint on his shield while Miguel checked the time on his phone. It was silent between the pair.

“I’ll do another sweep to check for any danger,” Miguel spoke up suddenly before heading for the door.

Evan lifted his head to find Connor walking into the room. The other man stopped short at the sight of the shield, his eyes flicking back and forth between Evan and the disk.

“Holy shit,” Connor whispered. “I…I know that I know, but…wow.” He shuffled over and glanced Evan up and down. “You’re really Captain. Fuck.”

Evan took a step back, “I’m sorry I lied—”

Connor closed the space between them again, “No. I’m not…I’ve just never seen you with the shield before.” Connor’s hand reached up to brush over his cheek. “Who knew I had a thing for older men?”

Evan rolled his eyes, “I was born in 1948, I am still physically twenty one.”

“You’re closer to eighty than the legal drinking age, babe.”

Evan chuckled, “Shut up.”

Connor threw his arms across Evan’s shoulders and pressed their foreheads together. Connor’s eyes were bloodshot and he could hear in his breathing how congested he was. He had been crying. Hard. Evan wasn’t fairing much better. He dropped the shield on to the couch and wrapped his arms around Connor so he could pull him into a kiss.

“Okay, I confirmed that there are no evil super soldiers waiting to kill us,” Miguel’s voice echoed through the house as he returned.

Evan and Connor broke apart and Evan snagged his shield again. Connor had expressed not wanting Miguel to know about them yet. Evan was fairly worthless, but he could grant that request.

The trio walked out to the car together with Miguel driving. Evan fiddled with his sleeve to keep his mind occupied.

“…Can I?” Connor pointed to the shield. “I just want to hold it.”

Evan slid it off his arm and passed the disk to Connor for examination. He flipped it around a few times and ran his fingers over the leather straps on the back side.

“This is insane,” Connor whispered. He passed it back, “Here. I don’t feel worthy enough to hold it.”

Evan chuckled, “Trust me, you are.”

The synagogue was fairly quaint. Evan looked out the window as they approached the building and rounded into the parking lot. He had wanted something small. And so had she. She had chosen to celebrate life while she still had it. This ceremony was for the living, not her.

Despite being small the building was packed with people. SHIELD agents and trusted allies alike all turned to look at Evan as he walked in. Evan ignored their stares and approached the casket. He removed the shield on his arm and placed it on the ground next to the closed half of the casket before looking at…her.

She looked…comfortable. Like she was merely resting. Her hair was braided to keep from getting messy. Her sweater looked comfortable. Makeup was modest and light. A simple look for a once simple lady. A teen mom from Brooklyn who had tried her best. And in the 40s no less.

Evan tried not to but the tears came anyway. It hurt to see her like this but he couldn’t look away. His heart ached and he wanted to scream. He was twenty one. He was supposed to have her for longer.

He wanted her to scold him for mistakes. He wanted her to see him go to college. He wanted her to see the love he had found.

“I love you, Ma.” Evan whispered before retrieving his shield.

Connor and Miguel approached next while Evan walked to find a place to sit. While walking he spotted Larry and Cynthia and felt the need to say hello. It was kind of them to come.

“Oh, Evan,” Cynthia offered him a sad smile. Though the sight of the shield clearly confused her. “I know how much your au—”

“My mother,” Evan corrected her. “You have no idea how much she means to me.”

“Mother?” Larry sounded a bit humored by the choice of words. “Heidi didn’t have kids. You’re too young to—” Larry’s voice died in his throat. His eyes tracked from the shield to Evan and then back again. “Oh.”

Evan nodded before looking to the floor.

“So you’re…” Larry seemed a bit hesitant to talk now.

“Technically older than you? Yes.” Evan sighed and rubbed at his own tired eyes. “It’s a long story I’m sure I’ll be telling for ages going forward.”

“Not really all that long, the public knows most of it already.”

Evan glanced over Cynthia’s shoulder to find Zoe trying to casually hide behind her parents. Her face gem was hidden, but there was a visible bump still on her forehead. It must have been makeup.

“It’s true,” Zoe shrugged. “Super soldier. War. Plane crash. Wake up.”

“I guess,” Evan chuckled a bit at the idea of how simple it could be. “Um…thank you for being here.”

All three of them offered him a smile and Evan took his chance to leave. He sat near the front and set his shield by his feet. Connor and Miguel came up to join him, the pair sitting so Connor was in the middle. Evan hung his head as the casket was rolled to the front of the room and shut. It was official. He would never see her again.

The funeral wasn’t meant to be long. It was simply a chance for others to say goodbye who hadn’t previously had the chance. He felt heavy and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t stop crying.

“Does anyone have any stories they wished to share about Heidi before we say goodbye?” The rabbi asked the room. “Feel free to come up.”

No one moved. Evan felt his stomach twist. His mother was a hero, but he couldn’t talk about her to all these people. The idea of it made him nauseous.

He flinched as Connor stood and walked to the front of the room. Connor wasn’t one to draw attention either.

“It’s not common knowledge, but I’m a vegetarian,” Connor opened his story up. “I was never really…home. Growing up. I was away in other countries for school and spent my summers at advanced camps for bright young minds. I was set on a path for success early on, I couldn’t control what happened. Over time…stress made me avoid food. I was twelve and distracted myself with school projects instead of grabbing dinner from the fancy boarding school kitchens.” Connor looked down at his feet for a moment. “I liked not eating. It was something I knew I could control. And when I came home from school I was on a different sleep schedule. No one noticed when I didn’t show up for meals or made up a simple lie about already eating. At least…no one but Aunt Heidi.”

Connor looked up and Evan tracked his eyes. He was staring at his parents, Cynthia and Larry both looking horrified at what their son was saying.

“I was fifteen when she finally figured me out. And she set me straight. She set alarms on her phone and would video call me. I would answer and she would stay on the phone with me until I ate. It was hard, and I argued with her about it all the time,  but we figured it out together. My dorm mates were teasing me about having a girlfriend back home calling me in the middle of the night, it was really Aunt Heidi making sure I had lunch. We learned together that it was easier to eat without meat involved. To this day I still don’t eat meat because it gives me the sense of control that I need in order to make myself eat. If not for Aunt Heidi I would have withered away years ago. My parents would have lost both of their kids.”

Connor shuffled back to his seat next to Evan and squeezed his hand as he sat down. Miguel patted his knee from the other side. No one else made a move to go up and speak. Evan took in a breath before standing. He would hate himself if he didn’t at least try for her.

Connor held on to his shield while he walked up. The room was mostly filled with SHIELD agents, even a few higher ups. His mother had started the whole organization, it made sense.

“The last time I saw my father was right after my seventh birthday,” Evan refused to look up at the crowd as he spoke. “February 1955. There was no warning, at least none that I could see. I came home from school and he was loading his things into a truck. He ignored me and my questions, he left before my mom came home.” Evan glanced over at the casket. “My mom…had nothing. She worked, she provided, and she tried to save me from all the bad things in the world. All that work and time only for me to end up drafted in a war we wanted no part in. And then I wound up missing, and she had to erase my existence from her history.” Evan bit back his tears. He just needed to hold it together a little longer. “My mother founded SHIELD. She is the reason many of you are even sitting here today. My ma is a goddamn hero, more than I ever could amount to be. She gave everything to the world, and she got nothing back. The least I can do now is try to live out her dying wish, and try to be happy. It’s all she ever wanted from me or anyone else. From a crying child missing his dad, to a scared teenager being shipped off to war…to a grown man trying to figure out over half a century of missed time. I’ll keep going and live my life that she fought so hard for me to have.” Evan bowed his head towards the casket. “I love you, Ma.”

He felt numb returning to his seat. The feeling sunk in and stuck through the remainder of the funeral. He was aware of someone telling him it was time to go, but he just wasn’t ready.

“C’mon, Ev,” Connor whispered, managing to snap him into action.

There wouldn’t be a burial. Not now at least. Heidi would be returned home first. She was finally able to return home to Brooklyn.

They wound up at Larry and Cynthia’s house, the couple offering to host a small luncheon for those closest to Heidi. Zoe was quick to duck her head and scurry upstairs before anyone saw her. Evan was so lost in his own mind he walked right into Alana.

“Oh!” She flinched and pivoted to look at who had bumped into her. “Evan, hi.”

Evan rubbed his eyes with one hand. “Hi. Sorry, I—”

Alana threw her arms around him, “It’s okay. Ms. Hansen…she meant a lot.”

Evan loosely hugged her back, his arms partially pinned beneath her. “Yeah. She did.”

Connor offered to store the shield in his old bedroom while they ate and Evan passed it over once again. Lunch felt…tense. Everyone stuck in their own grief. Miguel had opted to not join, instead wanting to stand guard outside. Evan would have rather been stuck doing stupid training drills than feel what he was stuck in.

“Connor, we didn’t know—”

“Not the time, Dad,” Connor cut his father off.

Cynthia looked up from her plate, “Um. Evan? We know that…Heidi left you as her sole inheritor.”

Evan nodded, “Yeah. She and I talked about it right after I woke up.”

Cynthia reached for her wine glass, “That means…you have her stock in Murphy Industries. You’re now a…very substantial shareholder. And with that means…you also are a member of the board.

“Oh.” Evan didn’t know anything about running a business. Or what he would have to contribute.

“She’s trying to tell you you’re rich,” Connor was blunt.

“Connor!” Cynthia frowned at her son. “That’s not—” she turned to face Evan again. “It’s more than that. We’ve never employed a board member before. It…in a way feels like a conflict of interests.”

Evan poked at his food, “So…you’re firing me?”

“No, of course not!” Cynthia gasped.

“We just…I mean, surely your talents you have other things to do than work for us,” Larry pushed.

“I mean…” Evan looked down. “Can I think about it for a few days? Everything is so messy right now.”

“Of course,” Cynthia nodded.

Lunch returned to being more quiet. Evan forced himself to eat despite the heavy feelings surrounding him. There was…so much to do. He hadn’t never known death meant so much work. Jared went missing and all he had to do was grieve. And now…he was the next of kin. Things were different.

After lunch the group gathered in the living room to talk more. Alana excused herself to go home and Zoe was safe to come down and join them. She had washed off her makeup and the gem in her head was back on display.

“So, Evan, is your dad still around? I know he was…absent. But this could be a chance to reconnect.” Larry was just trying to be nice and make conversation.

Evan chewed on his lower lip. “No. He died when I was eighteen. I got a letter in the mail from his new family, but I couldn’t afford to go to his funeral. He was never a part of my life, I don’t want to dwell on what he chose to not be a part of.”

“He was also a massive prick,” Connor chided while picking at the skin around his nails.

“That too,” Evan managed to force out a weak chuckle.

Someone turned on a movie. Talking felt so…hard. Evan looked into the television and tried to push through the aching in his heart. He glanced over to the other couch and found Larry and Cynthia sitting with Zoe stretched across both of their laps. The way they held onto her…it was clear how much they had missed their daughter. How much she meant to them. How scared they were to lose her again.

Evan’s weak dam broke. He did his best to stay silent as sobs tried to rip from his chest. He was never going to see her again. His mom was gone. He was far too old to be considered an orphan, but he still felt like one.

“Hey,” Connor reached for his head and tilted him so they were facing each other. His thumbs brushed over Evan’s cheeks and wiped away the tears.

Evan tried pulling away, he didn’t want to cause a scene. Connor didn’t want people to know. “Don’t—”

“You’re more important than that, come here,” Connor pulled him right back into an embrace, letting Evan cry on his shoulder. His hands traced simple patterns up and down his back and he pressed a kiss into Evan’s hair. “I love you.”

Evan cried until he couldn’t anymore. And still Connor just held him. He didn’t deserve such kindness. Connor deserved someone better than him.

“Let’s go home,” Connor suggested quietly once Evan was calm again.

“Okay,” Evan was compliant with the idea.

Connor retrieved his shield and the two walked out. Miguel followed since he was their ride home. They all got into the car and Evan ran his hands over his face.

“Actually,” Evan piped up. “Could I…go to her house?”

Connor nodded, “Sure. Did you want us to come with you?”

“I think some alone time might be nice,” Evan looked to the floor.

“Sure thing, Cap,” Miguel smiled at them through the rearview mirror.

The house was…quiet. Evan sighed as he set his shield down on the kitchen counter and went about making a few sandwiches. He was…exhausted. Once his meager plate of food was ready he walked upstairs into the room he had stayed in after just waking up.

“Fuck you Evan, asshole.”

Evan sighed and set the plate down next to Jared before sitting against the door. “Why are you calling me that?”

Jared was…a mess. Sometimes violent, sometimes incredibly docile. Still not talking much. Sometimes when he spoke it was in a different language.

Jared shrugged as he picked up one of the sandwiches. “Felt right. You are Evan, right?”

He nodded, “Yeah. Do you remember who you are yet?”

Jared fell quiet as he chewed. Evan passed him a water bottle and let him take a drink.

“I’m the Winter Soldier.” His voice was still a bit gruff, he was still adjusting to being able to speak freely.

“Who were you before that?” Evan pushed.

Jared threw the water bottle at his head. “I don’t know!”

Evan ducked to avoid the oncoming projectile. He got up and walked over to his friend. “Your name is Jared Kleinman.”

“No!” Jared flinched away from the idea of who he used to be.

“You grew up in Brooklyn—”

“Shut up!”

“You’re my best friend.”

Jared swung a fist but Evan caught it. The two struggled against each other until Jared gave in, cowering back against the headboard and snatching his food before Evan could take it.

“I-I don’t know you,” Jared’s voice was shaky.

“You do, it’s in there,” Evan backed up to give him space. “It’ll take time, but you can remember.”

Jared ate quickly and pushed the plate away. “Why are you dressed like that?”

Evan glanced down at his suit. “My ma died.”

Jared blinked a few times, “Did…I kill her?”

Evan shook his head, “No. She…was old. Sick.”

“Did…did Jared know her?”

“Yeah. She was…like your second mom. In a way.”

Jared’s shoulder sparked where Evan had cut his arm off. He had tried to repair the broken wires to at least make them not spark but he hadn’t done a good job. Jared winced against the spark and rubbed at where his actual shoulder met the metal.

“Does…does it hurt?”

“I’ve never been awake long enough to notice before,” Jared whispered.

“Can I look?”

Jared turned for him to see, rolling up his shirt to reveal where metal met skin. Evan inspected the area and found that his poor repair job looked worse than he had last checked. Jared’s skin was irritated and visibly inflamed. Had it always been that way or had Evan damaged it during their previous encounters?

“I don’t think I can fix this,” Evan confessed. “But…Connor might be able to.”

Jared furrowed his brow, “Who is Connor?”

Evan backed up to sit against the foot of the bed. “He’s…someone very important to me. He’s smart. Good with tech. He could fix this.”

Jared ran a hand through his messy hair. “Wait. Connor…that’s one of my targets.”

“He was a target. You aren’t going to target him anymore. You don’t need to hurt anyone anymore.”

“I can’t control…my targets. I…”

“Yes you can. You aren’t a tool, Jared.”

The stump sparked again. It really wasn’t safe for him to continue like this. Jared couldn’t even shower without risking his own safety at the moment.

“Not yet, I’ll just deal with this,” Jared shot his shoulder an evil look. A dirty lock of hair fell into his face. “Fuck.”

“Did you want me to wash your hair? Cut it?” Evan got up and grabbed the framed photo he had placed in the room with Jared. One of the two of them on a mission. It had been an attempt to help him remember. “You used to keep it short.”

Jared slouched in defeat, “If you want.”

“It isn’t about what I want. You can choose for yourself.”

Jared fell quiet for a moment. Evan didn’t push the conversation any further. He wanted Jared to understand his freedom. What Evan wanted didn’t matter, Jared could make his own decisions.

Jared stood and approached Evan, “Yeah. Cut it, Acorn.”

Evan was more than happy to comply.

Chapter Text

Connor pivoted around in his desk chair as he stared up at the ceiling. Some dust had settled and he couldn’t help but feel like there was an ache in his chest. He knew the feeling well from losing Zoe. The grief would sit with him for a long time, but he was finally at a point where he could go a whole day without crying.

And Evan…brave and strong as ever was trying to act like all was fine. He was spending a lot of time at his mother’s old house. Whenever Connor came by to check in he found the other man going through items and packing away memories.

“Jarvis, how’s the market doing?”

“Not well, Sir. But drops are better than predicted given your announcement.”

He was waiting for someone to crack. They had to. Connor had cut off the weapons production. Someone was missing out on sales. Other than the board bitching like normal nothing was jumping out at him yet. No targeted threats, at least nothing substantial. The trigger happy part of the population was calling him names online, but Connor could live with that. He had at least expected the Winter Soldier to show up, but not a peep.

“At least something is going my way,” Connor sighed and stopped his spinning. “Still no alerts from any SHIELD operations?”

“No, all has been quiet regarding you. Captain Hansen has just returned and he is coming down to see you.”

Connor got up and made his way over to the workshop door, opening just as Evan was raising his fist to knock. Connor let him in and the door thudded shut behind them.

“Um…one of my ma’s lawyers stopped by again,” Evan said, pulling a thumb drive from his shirt pocket. “She gave me this, said it was…important. And then didn’t elaborate further.”

Connor arched a brow at the drive held between Evan’s fingers, “Want me to check it out?”

Evan nodded and passed over the drive. Connor dropped back into his chair and wheeled over to his computer while Evan grabbed a stool and carried it over to sit next to him. Connor casually plugged in the drive and searched the files. All that he could find was a single video file.

“It’s just called for trusted receiver,” Connor squinted as he read the file name. He opened the file and a very grainy thumbnail appeared. A young Aunt Heidi sitting center frame.

“A video?” Evan whispered.

Connor clicked the play button and footage began.

“Hello, my name is Heidi Hansen,” Aunt Heidi’s hair was blonde, a perfect match to Evan’s hair if he excused the discoloration of the footage. “I am the founder of the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division, also known as SHIELD. It is May 1st, 1970, and nearly one year ago on the dot we lost Captain. I lost my son. If you are seeing this footage that means I have passed on before I could complete my mission, the reason I started this organization. I want to find my son, dead or alive, and bring him home. This log will be your reminder, as my trusted ally, to what the goal is. No matter how frustrating this mission may be, he must be found. He will be found. End log.”

Connor reached for Evan’s hand and squeezed. Holy shit. She had made plans for if Evan hadn’t been located before her death. Fuck.

The footage cut to a different room, but Aunt Heidi was still in focus. The video kept playing. “February, 1973. Evan would have turned 25 today.” Heidi looked down at her lap and hair fell into her face. “When Evan was seven his father left us. For months after I would come home from my second job to find him having a nightmare. That man…he tortured my baby. And I couldn’t…I could hardly be there to love him after all was said and done. I tried to give him the world, and instead he was picked for a war and then turned into…the perfect soldier.”

Heidi looked up and wiped at her face, sniffing as tears tried escaping. “It’s hard. Every year pretending that I don’t miss him. Every birthday aches, and every full year makes me want to rip my own hair out. As far as the public is concerned I never had a child, but I think of him every day. It’s been nearly four years, I’ll find him soon. He’ll probably laugh if I show him this footage. I have so many of these little logs, I can’t keep them all. I need some semblance of rationale. End log.”

Evan ducked in to hide his face against Connor’s shoulder. Connor reached to hold him steady as he bit back his own tears and continued to watch the footage.

The camera quality upgraded a bit, the colors looked a bit more normal. Aunt Heidi still sat center frame, her eyes heavy and face stiff. “…It’s been ten years.”

The silence was deafening. The buzz from the old camera filled the workshop as Connor and Evan watched the footage in silent shock. Aunt Heidi didn’t move, stiff and silent and tears rolling down her cheeks. “May, 1979. Evan, baby, where are you?” Heidi broke and she slumped against the table she was recording at. Sobs were pulled from her throat and Connor had to look away. “I keep looking but I can’t find you! It’s so hard to not be jealous of simple families! Fuck—”

The footage had a hard cut. Another small camera upgrade, and this time Aunt Heidi appeared frantic. Evan squeezed his hand as they watched the footage.

“Holy…fucking shit,” Heidi sounded like she was gasping for air. “I-It’s Jared—” Another sob was pulled from her. She looked terrified. “I was so happy. And then…he was going to do it. Why do these things happen to the ones I love?”

What the hell did that mean? Connor glanced over to Evan in question but the other man was crying. He could always ask for clarification later.

The camera cut again. And again. And again. More small updates, more begging. Connor and Evan held onto each other like life lines.

“May, 1987,” Aunt Heidi was starting to visibly age on camera. She looked tired. Defeated. “It finally happened. Evan is the same age I was when he went missing. I thought this mission would be quick at first. But I’ve searched islands and done so many calculations…and I just can’t find him. If he was alive…he would have tried to come home by now. He would have…at the very least found some way to get into contact with the military. I’m worried this mission will only lead to…heartbreak. All I want is to make sure he’s properly put to rest. Is that too much to ask? End log.”

More cuts. More camera upgrades. More…time passing. They watched Aunt Heidi become the director of SHIELD, watched her retire, she recapped Connor and Zoe’s birth and how excited she was to be considered an aunt. She complained about board meetings. She begged for her son to come home. For a chance at goodbye.

“July 2004,” Heidi smiled into the camera, her hair now faded to white. “I see so much of Evan in my nephew. They aren’t the same by any means, but I look at Connor and I can see my own boy. The blind optimism of childhood. I just hope that doesn’t mean he gets taken from me too soon. I—”

“Aunt Heidi, what are you doing?”

Connor’s eyes widened as his younger self wandered into frame. He looked so…bright back then. Smiling and care free.

“Just checking if my camera still works, honey,” Heidi beamed down at younger Connor. “I’ll read you a few of the Captain comics if you let me finish this.”

“I don’t know why you want that camera,” Connor was rocking on his heels. “I can make you a better one probably. I’ll be in the living room!”

And just like that Connor scurried off. Heidi watched him run out of frame and her smile stuck. She rubbed at her eyes and slouched a bit as her eyes shifted back to the camera.

“End log.”

“You were a cute kid,” Evan mumbled as the next clip played. It looked like another check in with Connor and Zoe as kids. He honestly didn’t remember her recording with them around.

“Fuck off, nerd,” Connor rolled his eyes.

“September, 2016,” Heidi was back to appearing sad. Connor tensed in his seat, having an idea of what could be the problem based on the date. “I thought I was helping. I—” Heidi looked away and a sob escaped her chest. She took in a quick breath to settle herself.

“I know Cynthia and Larry expect a lot of him. And I try to be there, I couldn’t afford to lose someone else. There was so much blood. He was so pale—” Aunt Heidi continued to cry, her hands visibly shaking as she tried wiping away her own tears.

Connor felt his stomach twist. “He planned it. I wasn’t supposed to be there until dinner but I wanted to surprise him. He’s a sweet boy. He works so hard for everyone. He’s got so much on his plate. I should have…I talk to him every day, I should have seen it. I failed Evan. I can't fail him. End log.”

Connor felt Evan’s eyes on him. He couldn’t look over. He hadn’t ever planned on…talking about it. Everyone else had moved on and put it behind them…

The camera changed again. This time it was clearly being filmed on a phone camera. Heidi wasn’t in frame. The lighting was a bit dark, but sunlight was filtering in from behind the camera. Ice and snow was everywhere, pieces of metal sticking through. What the hell…

“April, 2023,” Aunt Heidi’s voice echoed through the room. “We found something. Our past calculations were wrong. And I’m hoping…”

“Up here, Ma’am!” Another voice echoed through the recording.

The camera jostled as Heidi walked through the dark room. Connor felt his voice die in his throat at the sight of a wall of ice. Aunt Heidi’s hand reached out and brushed over the surface of the ice wall and cleared away the frost. A flashlight held by someone else shined on the ice. And the dulled shine of the red on Evan’s shield made itself known.

“Oh my god, please…” Aunt Heidi pointed up a bit and the light followed her. Very dull and blurry, but Evan’s face became visible. The camera fumbled, now showing Heidi’s boot covered feet.

“Let’s cut him out, now. We need to thaw him.”

“Ma’am, he—”

“I don’t care that he’s dead, it doesn’t matter, let’s move!”

The camera cut to Evan laying on a table. One of his hands had been freed from the ice and his head had as well. He was practically blue with cold. Two other people were chipping him free while large heaters were blasting.

“You’re safe,” Heidi’s hand reached into frame and brushed against Evan’s cheek. Her hand moved down to his neck and brushed over his pulse point. And then she flinched.

“I felt a heartbeat. He’s alive! Turn up the heat, get him out of here!”

The camera cut again, Evan was now out of the ice and dressed in casual clothes.

“Nearly 54 years…” Heidi kneeled down next to the bed Evan was laying on. Her hand brushed over his face. “I never…imagined you would actually be alive. After all this time? I love you so much, Evan. End log.”

Connor finally glanced over at Evan and found him with his head hung. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to Evan’s temple.

A new camera angle. It showed Evan doing pushups on the floor in Heidi’s living room. The camera flipped around to reveal Aunt Heidi walking into her bedroom, she set the phone down on her dresser and took a seat on her bed.

“I always intended these logs to be used to inspire others to search for you, Evan,” Heidi spoke to the camera with a weak smile. “I probably won’t be around for much longer,  and I need you…to know I never gave up. All I want in this world now is for you to be happy. To love and be loved by whoever you choose. If you’re seeing this…then I’m gone. And I hope that you know how loved you are. But if I could ask you to do one thing…make sure Connor isn’t alone. You two…you’re so alike. If nothing else…be kind to him. Please.” She waved to the camera. “I love you, my boy.”

The video ended. Connor closed the file and unplugged the drive. Evan was sitting silently on his stool with his eyes welled up with tears.

“Ev?”

Evan shook his head. He wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. Connor bit down on his cheek to keep himself in check while he got up from his chair. He pressed a kiss into Evan’s hair before walking across the room to the coffee maker. The pot had gone cold ages ago but he didn’t care. He poured a mug for himself and took a sip.

“Evan, do you want coffee?”

He glanced over his shoulder in case Evan didn’t want to speak. Instead he watched the other man get up and walk over. Connor set his mug down on the counter just before Evan approached and pinned him in a hug. He managed to wiggle around in the hug and returned the embrace.

“Coffee would be nice,” Evan mumbled into his shoulder.

Connor was let go and he turned around again to grab another mug. Once filled he passed the second mug to Evan and the two migrated to the workshop couch to sit down. Evan didn’t seem to mind the coffee being cold either.

“What happened to you?” Evan asked.

Connor’s stomach twisted. No one ever talked about it. He was doing so much better.

He shook one of his wrists, “I, uh, I lied. It wasn’t a work accident. When I was seventeen…I came home from college for the weekend and tried to kill myself. Aunt Heidi found me before I bled out.”

“Oh,” Evan stared into his mug.

Connor didn’t expect much more than that. Evan was new to understanding different mental illnesses, he wasn’t searching for compassion.

“Um…when I was sixteen I fell from the fire escape of my apartment building,” Evan said quietly. “I broke my arm. And I told everyone that I had been climbing a tree at the park. I…I never told my ma how it actually happened.”

“You fell?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you fall, or did you let go?”

Evan didn’t look up from his mug, “The second one.”

Connor slouched in his seat, “Damn. We really are two peas in a pod.”

Evan finally looked over to him, reaching one hand to lace with Connor’s. “I don’t feel like that anymore.”

Connor squeezed his hand, “I don’t either. At least…not all the time. There are still days.”

“Will you tell me?”

Connor let out a dry chuckle as he took a sip from his mug. “You’ll know. Trust me.”

Evan took his mug from him and set both down on the counter behind them before pulling Connor into a hug. He settled himself in Evan’s lap for ease and brushed his hands through Evan’s hair. He was happy now, more than before. Sure, things were difficult, but he was doing so much better.

“I’m really glad I got to wake up and meet you,” Evan murmured in his ear.

Connor pulled back a bit so he could press their foreheads together, “Yeah. I love you too, old man.”

A laugh escaped from Evan’s throat. “I’m still physically younger than you!”

“You’re physically a brick house.”

“Shut up!”

Connor closed the gap between them and pressed a kiss to Evan’s lips. His boyfriend’s arms tightened around him a bit more as they shared slow and soft kisses. The room was peaceful, for once the quiet was welcoming in a room known for loud noise. Connor hummed against Evan’s lips as a hand moved up to bury into his hair.

…Boyfriend was a new word. Would Evan be okay with that?

“Hey homos!”

Both of them flinched as Zoe phased through the wall to enter the room. Connor scrambled off of Evan’s lap and turned to glare at his sister.

“Learn to fucking knock!” Connor snapped at her. “And use the door like a normal person! Fuck!”

Zoe’s eyes rolled, “Sorry for interrupting your couch sex, jeez. Take a fucking Xanex why don’t you?”

Evan’s face went red, “We weren’t doing that–”

“Shut the fuck up! This isn’t your house, bitch!” Connor growled at her. She had to be trying to piss him off on purpose. She wanted to get a rise out of him. She always started this kind of shit when he used to visit the house on breaks from school.

Zoe’s hands went up in surrender. “Sorry I wanted to see my big bro after coming to visit for a few days.”

Connor wanted to smack her on the side of her head sometimes. “We’re twins, dumbass.”

Zoe motioned to the gem in her forehead, “I’m a synthetic lifeform that won’t ever age, you’re older by default. Besides, you were born first. I’ll be in my room.”

Zoe turned on her heel and walked out the door. Connor shut his eyes and looked up at the ceiling. He had to remind himself that this was better. This was a good outcome. It was better that she was there to physically annoy the shit out of him again. He was happier with her able to voice her thoughts.

“I, uh, I have a therapy appointment, I don’t want to be late,” Evan stood from the couch. “I’ll see you in a bit?”

Connor looked over at Evan and offered him a smile, “Yeah. Did you want to take the car and pick up dinner? I feel like you’ve earned a night of not cooking.”

Evan retrieved his coffee mug and downed the remaining liquid, “I can do that. Thank you…for being here for me. After…everything.”

Connor traipsed over and wrapped his arms across Evan’s shoulders. “I love you, Ev.”

Evan gave him a chaste kiss, “I love you too.”

✩

Evan let out a sigh as he closed up the last box and taped it shut. Her house was empty. He had donated a lot, had spoken to three different lawyers, and now his mother’s house was ready to be sold. He could have chosen to stay in the house, moved back in, but he didn’t want to. Connor said he was always welcome at the mansion, he didn’t want to lose the nights spent with him.

“This is a bad idea,” Jared spoke quietly from the archway. “At least in a house I’m away from others. I can’t hurt anyone.”

“You haven’t been restrained to stay here the entire time,” Evan reminded him. “You could have walked out weeks ago. At any time. You don’t want to hurt anyone, Jared.”

“Don’t–” Jared still didn’t like being referred to by his name very much. “Apartments are noisy and I won’t be able to handle it.”

“You grew up in an apartment. It’ll be okay. You have a phone now, you can always call me if you feel like you’re a danger to someone. Right?”

Jared’s eyes softened as he looked at Evan. His memories were gone, but he knew they had a strong history. Jared knew that Evan meant something to him.

“Right,” Jared gave in. “Let’s go.”

Evan grabbed the last box and opened the front door. Jared followed him outside and the two climbed into the car. Evan was going to let Jared learn to drive eventually, ideally after his robot arm was fixed. If Connor was willing to fix it, that is.

The apartment was smaller. Jared had picked it out when Evan had been helping him look. Small and simple, something he could feel secure in. Basic furniture, a planned schedule for him to follow so he could complete tasks without worrying for his own past as a killer, Heidi’s success was going to help Jared.

Evan had brought Jared to her, before her death. He had been unconscious for the trip, but she had seen him. She had touched his cheek and squeezed his hand in support. She had gotten a proper goodbye after decades of loss. Somehow she managed to see all three of her lost loved ones. She had well deserved it.

Jared walked a few laps of the apartment while Evan unloaded boxes. At one point Evan and Jared had fantasized about the idea of them going to college together and becoming roommates. In another life Evan could see this being that dream. The two of them moving on from childhood and becoming real adults by living on their own. Instead they were men out of a different time, but somehow they were back together again.

“Shit–” Jared froze in the middle of the tiny kitchen. He whipped around and stared at Evan with wide eyes. “You kissed me.”

Evan’s face flushed at the memory, “Yes, decades ago. Don’t worry, I moved on from those feelings.”

Jared shook his head, “I thought…I wanted you to be telling the truth but I…you weren’t lying to me. You knew me.”

Evan smiled, “Yeah.”

Jared moved and sat next to him on the floor. “I’ve seen…love. In the movies you’ve let me watch. Were we…that?”

Evan looked down at the worn floorboards. “We were friends. Good friends. But no, we weren’t in love. Not romantically at least. You’re my family, I still love you, just not like that.”

Jared stared at him silently. Evan didn’t push it. Jared hadn’t remembered a solid memory yet. He had fragments, and he couldn’t remember why the fragments belonged in his mind. This was the first time he had accepted a memory as his own.

“Can…can you…” Jared held out his arm as though he wanted a hug. “Please.”

Evan pulled him into a tight embrace, Jared’s arm managing to hug him back just fine without the left one to assist. Finally, progress.

When they pulled apart Jared’s broken stump sparked again. Evan sighed as he glanced over at the mess of wires. He really couldn’t put off the repairs any longer. He needed to try and get Connor to fix things. He knew that no SHIELD employee would be willing to do it, no matter who Evan was.

Evan got up off the floor and retrieved a box from against the wall. Inside was the arm Evan had cut off. He wasn’t sure if giving Jared back the appendage would even be a good idea, but he wanted Connor to at least have all the tools needed to repair the wires, including what they used to attach to. He motioned for Jared to follow him and the pair walked back outside to the car, Evan handing over the key to the apartment to Jared once they locked the door. It was his place after all.

He had tried encouraging Jared to listen to music, but most background noise agitated him. Jared liked when things were quiet, he liked being able to focus on his surroundings. When Evan had suggested watching television Jared had accepted, but he had subtitles turned on and kept the volume low or completely off. It was better than nothing, and he seemed to enjoy watching once the noise level was to his liking.

They pulled up to the front gate of the mansion and Evan lowered his window to speak to Jarvis.

“Who is in the car with you, Captain?”

Evan glanced over at Jared quickly before returning to the speaker. “A friend of my ma, I wanted to introduce him to Connor.”

“Of course, Captain Hansen. Welcome home.”

Evan pulled forward once the gate opened and parked near the front door. He motioned for Jared to follow him inside and the two started walking towards the workshop.

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Jared stated.

“You can’t keep suffering,” Evan nudged him forward down the stairs. They made it to the bottom of the steps when Connor slid out of the workshop. He had his hair clipped back but a piece had fallen loose.

“Hey, Ev, Jarvis said you wanted me to meet someone but not in the work–”

Jared lunged at Connor and startled both of the other men. Evan dropped the box holding the arm while Connor let out a squeak before running back into the workshop. The door locked shut behind him, but Jared didn’t seem deterred. He used his right hand and snapped off the handle, picking apart the lock and forcing the door open.

“Stop!” Evan tried pulling Jared back but he received a super soldier kick to the shin. Jared’s face was blank, he wasn’t registering anything.

Jared made his way into the room and his eyes locked on Connor. Evan charged after him and tackled his friend to the floor. Even with only one arm Jared was a decent fighter. The two tussled on the floor of the workshop while Evan tried to give Connor a chance to escape.

“Jared–”

“That’s not my name!” Jared snapped as he swung a fist at Evan’s jaw.

Evan let out a gasp as a blast of light came firing, hitting Jared in the head and knocking him to the ground. He looked up to find Iron Man standing in the room behind him with one arm outstretched from firing the repulsor. How the hell had he…

The faceplate lifted and Connor’s face appeared. Oh shit. “Explain. Now.”

Evan scrambled to his feet, his mind reeling. “How did you–I don’t–”

“I will explain myself later, now talk!”

Evan looked over at Jared still laying on the floor before turning to face Connor head on. “This is Jared. He…he was the Winter Soldier–”

Connor aimed his arm again and the faceplate closed. “Brought him to me to finish off? You really do love me.”

Evan stood between Connor and his target, “Don’t! He’s my Jared! Please!”

Connor didn’t lift the faceplate, “He tried to kill me.”

“I know–”

“He tried to kill my parents.”

“I know–”

“He shot Miguel.”

“I know–”

“He killed Zoe!”

Evan didn’t know that. Hadn’t she been hit by a drunk driver? “What? Connor, please. I know, I know it’s bad. I didn’t know about Zoe, but please. You have everyone. My ma is gone, I thought he was too. He’s the only family I have left. I want to help him.”

Connor lowered his hand and the faceplate opened. “You think he can be helped? He’s a monster, Ev.”

Evan stepped forward, “My ma asked me to bring him home. He doesn’t want to hurt people, he was used. He would have killed me by now if all he wanted was to hurt others. I don’t know why he tried to attack you, I don’t know what his old handlers did to him. He doesn’t remember much. Please. He’s the only one left.”

Connor sighed and pieces of the armor started to come apart. Connor stepped out of the metal suit and pulled Evan into a hug. “You’re lucky I think you’re hot.”

Evan pulled Connor off of the floor and spun them around, “Thank you!” He found a clear space on a workbench and set Connor down there before leaning in to kiss his partner. “I love you!”

Connor rolled his eyes as they kissed, “Yeah, I love you too.” He leaned back a bit to examine Jared. “Why exactly did you bring him here? Were you just dying to get his approval of us or something?”

Evan walked over to Jared’s slumped body and rolled his sleeve back to reveal the mess of wires and the metal irritating his skin. “He needs help, I can’t provide it to him. I cut his arm off during our last fight as a safety measure. But I think the arm has been bothering him for years and he hadn’t been given a chance to notice before now.”

Connor slid off the workbench and knelt down next to Jared to better look at the damage. “I’m not a surgeon, but robotics is something I can handle. Move him to the couch, let me get a stool.”

Evan did as requested and started to drag Jared’s body over to the couch. He set Jared against the pillows while Connor snagged a toolbelt and a stool. He rolled over and silently went to work, quickly pulling a battery of some kind from the remaining scraps of Jared’s severed arm.

“That should keep him from sparking,” Connor mused as he moved a screwdriver to be held between his teeth before reaching for a pliers. Evan watched from over Connor’s shoulder as bits of damaged wire were removed.

Connor set the pliers down and tucked the screwdriver into his hair clip. “Okay. Ev, I love you, but I can’t work with you breathing down my neck.”

Evan shuffled a bit back, “Oh. Sorry.”

“Do you have his arm? I want to look at it.”

Evan scrambled to retrieve the box and brought it into the workshop. He set it down on the counter before glancing around. He wanted to be useful.

“You should go order books for your classes,” Connor motioned for him to leave again.

“What if Jared wakes up?”

Connor grabbed the screwdriver from his hair and used it to point at the armor still standing in the room while powered off. “Then the Mark Ⅱ will fire at him again. He’s a super soldier, he can take it. Besides, he tried to kill me. It would help make things more even between us.”

Evan turned to leave again, trusting Connor to do his best. He hesitated in the doorway and turned back. “Please try not to hurt him.”

“Cap. Evan. Go.”

Evan scurried up the stairs and grabbed his phone to do as asked and order his books. He was excited to go to college, though with everything going on lately he hadn’t much time to think about it. Connor had hired on his accountant to work with Evan and it was scary to see a bank account with so much money. Even if Connor hadn’t offered to pay, with his stock in Connor’s company he would have been able to go. And apparently things were bad at the moment, given the weapons department closing. Evan had been meaning to ask about it, but…with his mom and Jared…it just hadn’t happened.

And now there was the whole Iron Man situation. Evan finished the order before staring off into space. Iron Man had been all over the globe. Had all those days of Connor not coming out of the workshop…had they all been those trips? The two weeks of not coming to eat…all the Iron Man sightings…Connor had put himself into countless dangerous situations. And for what? Why had he even done it? No one knew what Iron Man’s purpose was. Would he even be willing to say anything?

Of course Connor was Iron Man. Who else had the brains and initiative to create such an armor? Connor had flirted as Iron Man because of his childhood obsessing over the idea of Captain. All their situations together made sense. He just hadn’t connected the dots.

“Captain Hansen, Sir is done with the main repairs.”

Evan got up and scurried back down to the workshop. Jared was still unconscious but he was being held upright with the armor. Connor was measuring Jared’s flesh arm while music blared. As Evan stepped back inside the music turned down a large amount.

“What are you doing?” Evan arched a brow.

Connor walked back to his computer and typed for a moment before snapping his fingers. A hologram appeared in the room, showing a scan of Jared’s arm.

“Your bestie here needs a new arm. This gives me a chance to test out a project I’ve always wanted to try. Robotic prosthetics are only in their infancy compared to what I want to create. His hunk of junk old arm is decent, but I can do better.”

Evan inspected Jared’s shoulder, finding that Connor had removed all the existing metal. His flesh was now exposed, but it was still visibly inflamed and raw from all the friction over the years.

“You didn’t have to make him a new arm,” Evan glanced at the old one sitting on the counter.

“It’s me. Why the fuck would I not?”

Evan walked around the armor and brushed his fingers over the metal. Connor was physically messing with the hologram, ripping his apparent blueprint apart to examine the inner workings.

“Why?” Evan asked as he continued to examine the armor.

Connor didn’t look up, “Same reason we shut down the weapons department.”

Evan stopped moving and looked over, “What does that mean? You still haven’t told me about that.”

Connor continued to work. “My weapons are being used by people that shouldn’t have them. Jarvis can show you the shit I found if you want. The suit is used to destroy what I find. If it doesn’t belong…I destroy it.”

Evan blinked a few times. “Why didn’t you say something? I could have helped.”

Connor finally looked up at him, “I didn’t know you were Captain until…” He closed his eyes and took a breath. “Until the day of Aunt Heidi’s stroke. I didn’t know you could have been useful. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell my boyfriend who I thought had a  fucking heart condition. Nobody knew. Miguel only found out because I figured out SHIELD was covering up how Zoe died. I was pissed.”

Evan froze, “Boyfriend?”

Connor removed the clip from his hair and tossed it on a nearby table. “Really? That’s the part you’re stuck on?”

“You said you didn’t want…labels.”

Connor walked over to Evan and locked his arms around his neck, “Things change. Your mom died thinking we were together. My parents keep trying to schedule a sit down with me to ask if I seduced an employee. You are…maybe the best thing that has ever happened to me, Evan. I want to give you everything, experience every dream. Biking mountains, sailing, hiking through forests, whatever it is I want to be there for it. You’re like…my best and most dearest friend. I love you.” Connor shot him a cheeky grin, “Besides, who wouldn’t want to be boyfriends with Captain?”

Evan cracked a grin and pressed his head against Connor’s. “Dating Iron Man is pretty cool. Even if I can’t tell anyone.”

“I fucking adore you.”

Evan picked Connor up into his arms once again and the two met again and again for kisses. He was so lucky to have Connor. He loved him so much. It was a dream come true to be with him.

“Ooo, kinky.”

Evan flinched and nearly dropped Connor. He looked over to find Jared awake once again, a raw burn mark above his brow. But he didn’t seem to mind. His voice was tired. Evan set Connor down and approached his friend.

“How are you feeling?”

Jared glanced at his own feet dangling off the floor, “Like I got shot in the head. Again.”

“Try to hurt me again and you’ll get another shot, Winter Fuck Boy,” Connor made a motion with his hand and Jared was released to the floor. “And this time it’ll be to kill you.”

Jared glanced at his shoulder and the freed stump, “Thank you.”

“Do you remember Zoe Murphy?” Connor narrowed his brows at Jared. “July, 2019?”

Jared shook his head, “I don’t…they put my mind through the blender after every mission. Reset for different masters. I know I’m…I’m supposed to kill you. But…Evan told me not to.”

“Good to know you listen to your babysitter,” Connor rolled his eyes. “I hope you don’t mind, but I’d like you to get the fuck out.”

Evan whipped his head over, “Connor!”

Connor pointed at Jared. “No! This fucker tried to kill me! I’m not going to be a kind host to him! I don’t want him in my goddamn house!”

Jared looked at the floor. “He’s right, Evan. I want to go home.”

Evan sighed and glanced between the other men. Part of him had hoped that the two would get along. But if they ever would it would be a long time from now. Evan pressed a kiss to Connor’s cheek before motioning for Jared to follow him back outside.

“Do you…do you think I’ll ever remember anything?” Jared was quiet as he spoke.

“It’ll take time, but you’ll get there,” Evan remained positive. “Are you still journaling?”

Jared stared out his window, “It isn’t helping.”

“Maybe not much now, but it will. I know you have the capacity to remember. I believe in you.”

Jared let out a little dry laugh. “I think you might be the first.”

Evan reached a hand over and patted Jared’s shoulder in support. He wished that there was more he could do, some way to jumpstart the memories, but he had to accept that it would just take time. Jared would get there eventually. He was alive and safe, that was all that mattered in the long run.

No matter what else, this was better than the alternative.

Chapter Text

Connor meandered over to the side door of the workshop and opened it up. Standing on the other side was Jared, his eyes showing that he was tired.

“I’m unarmed, I swear,” Jared held up his right hand in surrender. “Actually, that’s a lie.” Jared reached down and revealed a knife strapped to his thigh under his cargo shorts. He tossed the knife on the ground outside before stepping in. “Now I’m unarmed.”

Connor took in a breath to calm his nerves. Having Evan’s homicidal homie in his house without Evan around stressed him out, but he was trying to be polite enough for Evan’s sake. If Evan believed that Jared was a different person than Winter Fuck Boy…Connor would do his best to believe him.

“Yeah, no shit you’re unarmed,” Connor motioned to the stump of Jared’s left shoulder. Jared actually rolled his eyes as he let Connor close the door behind them. The Mark Ⅱ was out and on guard, catching Jared’s attention. “I don’t think I need to point it out, but if you try anything I’ll be beating the shit out of you.”

Jared nodded his head in understanding. “That’s reasonable.”

Connor cocked his head to the side, “Actually, how did you get here? Evan isn’t letting you drive yet.”

Jared walked over to the couch and sat down. “I called a cab. I don’t remember anything, but I’m not stupid. I know seven languages but I can’t remember my own name.”

Connor arched a brow, “And who are you?”

Jared shot him a nasty look, “Evan says I’m Jared. I don’t have any reason to not believe him.”

Connor slid into his desk chair and rolled across the room to his computer to put on music for background noise. Not super loud, but enough he could hear it. “Wow. You truly are the poster boy for thriving old men.” He rolled back across the room and grabbed his latest project that was covered in a few oil stained towels before sliding over to Jared. “Here, you piece of shit. Merry Christmas.”

The project was dropped into Jared’s lap without much fanfare. Part of him regretted being so kind, but he was proud of what he had accomplished.

“I’m Jewish,” the words spilled out of Jared’s mouth automatically, he clearly didn’t think about what he had said. Connor perked up at the Brooklyn accent that slipped through. Jared usually sounded monotone, at least of what little Connor had heard him speak.

“You’re Jewish?”

Jared pressed his lips into a line, “When we were little, before Evan’s dad left…we used to go to the synagogue together. Our families.” Jared looked up at the ceiling. “Shit. I had a mom. A dad.”

Connor started spinning in his chair. “Do you remember them?”

“I…I think I do? It’s blurry. I can’t see any faces but…I remember the sidewalk we would walk on? And the windows.”

“Well congratulations. Remove the towels, asshole.”

Jared pulled off the towels and revealed his new metal arm. It was much more sleek than the old one, sturdier joints, less grooves, and a less invasive nerve scanner. And the best part: a power source that Connor could control directly. If Winter Fuck Boy decided to get violent again he could at least make things more difficult.

“Oh,” Jared stared at the metal in his lap.

“It has a proper socket lining built in, so long as you take it off regularly you shouldn’t have pain. It’s even water proof, you could wash dishes with it or shower.”

Connor rolled over in his chair and showed Jared how to attach the arm. They turned things on and did a quick calibration check before Jared was finally functioning with both arms.

“This…” Jared looked to his shoulder. “Feels better. Thank you.”

Connor merely shrugged in response. “It was easy. Do you want coffee?”

Jared blinked at him a few times. “Uh. Sure. Do you have cream?”

Connor made a gagging sound, “And ruin perfection? There might be milk upstairs, we can check.”

Jared followed Connor through the house. He reminded Connor of Evan in a lot of ways. Still…he could see that Jared clearly had a lot of walls up. There was a light in his eyes, something dangerous. Jared was a killer.

Jared stopped outside of the kitchen and refused to follow Connor in. “I don’t think I should go in there.”

Connor kept walking and made his way to the fridge. “Why?”

“Because part of my brain is screaming at me to stab you. Evan…he did something to me. When we first interacted. There’s something about him…I’m a weapon. And he tried to disarm me.”

Connor found a carton of cream in the fridge, shockingly. He poured two mugs of coffee and added the useless flavoring before returning to Jared. “Christ. Now you sound like you’re in love with him.”

Jared stared at his mug. “No. Whatever you two have going on I want no part in. I see it everywhere and I don’t understand it.”

“What? Love?”

“Romance.”

Connor just hummed and moved to sit in the living room. He would let Jared have his coffee and then he would leave. Being upstairs without the armor didn’t exactly make him feel comfortable.

“How much do you remember of your murderous past?” Connor asked.

Jared didn’t look at him. “The specific missions are a blur. But the skills are still with me. I wish I could tell you I remember your sister, but I don’t.”

Connor pressed his lips into a line, “So you don’t remember anything?”

“Fragments? I know they put my brain through the blender a million times. I know it hurt, but sometimes I think everything is as it should be. And that’s when Evan tells me I’ve been speaking to him in Russian or Tagalog or some other language I have trapped in my brain.”

Connor took a swallow of coffee before setting the mug down. “Shit, you might just be more fucked up than me.”

They finished their coffee in relative silence. Connor didn’t really want to talk to Jared, though part of him did want to pick apart his brain. Just to see how scrambled everything was.

And maybe some lingering thoughts of revenge.

Jared didn’t push to stick around. He was quiet walking out, leaving his empty mug on the coffee table to avoid the kitchen. Connor opened his phone to check his emails from Alana, finding the girl was going stir crazy over all the recent chaos.

Everyone wanted the weapons department opened. But he was still waiting for his guilty party to crack. So far all that he had received on that front was all the board members except for Evan nagging him and his dad nonstop.

“Sir, Captain Hansen is home.”

Connor got up and put his phone away, slinking out into the garage to wait for Evan. There was something about the motorcycle that Connor found attractive, he couldn’t quite place it. Evan rolled in and turned off the bike, a smile catching on his face as he found Connor waiting.

“Hey,” Evan walked over and pulled Connor into a tight hug. It had been a growing habit after therapy appointments, Connor was happy to comply. He squeezed back as best he could and let Evan bury his face under his hair.

Connor could feel a tremble in Evan’s hands. He squeezed a bit tighter.

“Sorry,” Evan mumbled out.

“Don’t be sorry,” Connor was quick to respond. “Rough session?”

“I…I can’t talk about it yet.”

“Okay.”

They moved into the living room and stretched out on the couch, Evan tracing patterns into Connor’s back as they cuddled up. Connor didn’t speak, the silence didn’t bother him as much when he was with Evan.

Why do you have two mugs? Did you want coffee that badly?” Evan clocked the mugs on the coffee table. “You really should drink more water.”

Connor sat upright, straddling Evan as he ran a hand through his hair. “Nah. Your homicidal bestie stopped over. The fucker puts cream in his coffee.”

Evan’s eyes grew wide. “Jared was here?” Connor nodded. “Without me?” Another nod. “Everything was okay?” A nod. “You had coffee?”

“Yes, it went fine. Armor was on standby in case of an incident. And Jared has two arms again.”

Evan reached for his hand and pressed a kiss to the inside of his wrist. “Thank you. I know it probably wasn’t easy.”

“We aren’t inviting him for dinner, don’t get your hopes up.”

Connor got up and started walking down to the workshop with Evan a few paces behind him. Usually he preferred to be alone when he wanted to work, but he made exceptions for Evan. Especially after therapy appointments.

“Speaking of dinner, when should we get ready to go to your parent’s place?” Evan asked, sitting down on the couch to give some space.

Connor wrinkled his nose as he reached for a wrench sitting on one of his workbenches, “I figured we could just not go to dinner.”

“Connor—”

“Since when is it their business who I’m romantically involved with? Why do they care all of a sudden? They haven’t given a shit for over a fucking decade.”

“Connor—”

“You think they’d be happy that I’m not trying to convince them that I’m sleeping around for once, but no. Nothing I do is good enough for them.”

“Connor!” Evan took the wrench from him. “At least they care now. I know they didn’t before, and it sucks, but they do now. Besides, you aren’t just dating anyone. Whether we like it or not, I’m involved with your company now. I’m Captain. Of course they want to talk to us about it.”

Connor snatched his wrench back and walked over to the armor. “Whatever.”

“Be ready to leave by five, please.”

Connor mocked a salute with his wrench, “You got it, Cap.”

Connor caught Evan rolling his eyes as he walked away. Finally he had peace and quiet. He turned up his music and went to work tinkering with the armor.

Why did he always do that? Things were going so great with Evan. And he had been a dick for no reason. Evan was the one going to therapy, he didn’t need to be an asshole to his boyfriend.

“Jarvis,” Connor called out to the room. “Can you tell Evan that I’m sorry?”

It was quiet for a moment. Then…

“Captain Hansen says he forgives you.”

Connor let out a breath and returned to work. There was nothing wrong with the armor, but he liked to make sure things were to perfection.

Time passing slipped his mind. Connor was back in work mode and didn’t want to think about anything else. Soon the armor would be able to wrap up loose ends, he was sure of it. Someone would break, they had to.

“Sir, I’d recommend you get ready for dinner.”

Connor threw back his head to whine as he set down his tools. He blinked back into reality, finding he had spent hours down in his workshop. He got up and walked to his room to get ready.

He didn’t need to look nice. It was dinner with his parents and Zoe. That wasn’t special.

It was technically his first time bringing a boyfriend over. His boyfriend, who used to work for his parents. A superhero. Who…was old. Technically.

Okay, maybe it was a bigger deal than he had thought.

Evan had dressed in a nice polo. He was waiting for Connor at the door. They walked out to the car together and Connor put his sunglasses on before starting the drive.

“…So, um…at therapy Dr. Sherman and I talked about sleep,” Evan was looking out his window while talking. “Because…y’know…I get cold.”

“Yeah? What, did he suggest a space heater? Heated blanket? We can do that.” Connor glanced over while they were stopped at a light.

“That…sounds like a fire hazard,” Evan wrinkled his nose at the idea. “No, he didn’t. We also…talked about you. Not you specifically but…I mentioned that I have a boyfriend.”

“You told your therapist you have a boyfriend?”

“Okay, I said partner, but me being vague made him figure it out. He hasn’t said anything to anyone at SHIELD. At least I don’t think he has.”

“If he does I will make you sue him.”

Evan sputtered, “I’m not suing anyone.” Connor kept his mouth shut. “I just…I told him what makes sleeping easier. And what I do when I wake up cold.”

“Makes sense,” Connor felt like he was keeping up. He wasn’t quite sure where the conversation was leading.

“Um…can I move into your room?” Evan’s voice grew quiet. “I…that’s what I’ve been trying to ask. I sleep there half the time as it is. But if you don’t want that I understand, it’s asking a lot and—”

“I’d love that,” Connor tried to cut off any backpedaling. He was happy that Evan felt more comfortable around him now, he liked having an authentic Evan. He just hadn’t realized how anxious Evan truly was until he felt comfortable enough to let his anxious behavior show. He practically put up a shield around his own emotions before all of this.

“You don’t mind?”

Connor reached a hand over to rest on Evan’s thigh. “Like you said, you sleep with me half the time anyway.”

Evan beamed at him. “Thank you.”

Connor tried to ignore the wave of nerves that washed over him as they approached his parents’ house. It was going to be fine. The worst that could happen would be him getting reprimanded for sleeping with Evan while he was still working for the company. He could handle that criticism.

Connor fell slightly behind as they walked up the front steps. As they walked Connor received a wonderful view of Evan’s ass, having to remind himself to not openly stare.

But hot damn could anyone really blame him if he did?

The place was still crawling with SHIELD agents, he couldn’t help but wonder when they would finally go home. It had to be miserable to simply stand and guard a single property all the time. Maybe some of them followed when his parents went out, but that wasn’t frequent.

“Hello darling,” Cynthia greeted them at the door, stretching up on her toes to kiss Connor’s cheek. “And Evan, wonderful to see you.” She merely patted his cheek.

Walking into the house felt…stiff. He could practically see Cynthia itching to talk. They made their way to the dining room to find the place set for all five of them. The massive table felt isolating to sit at, each seat so far from a neighboring chair. Connor was by no means the best interior designer, but at least he could sit next to someone at the table and not feel like they were miles away.

“Hey bitch,” Zoe walked in and sat at the end of the table, lightly pulling on a lock of Connor’s hair as she walked by. She had a plate and wine glass, but nothing was served. Still trying to be included.

“Connor, Captain, can I interest either of you in a drink?” Larry sauntered in with a fancy bottle of whiskey. He already had his own drink set at the table.

“Hell knows I’ll need it to get through this,” Connor sighed, accepting the offer.

“Sure, thank you,” Evan offered Larry a smile. “And…just Evan is fine.”

With everyone seated dinner was served. They all decided to not speak at first, Zoe tracing shapes into her empty plate as everyone else ate. Connor glanced down the table to Evan, the two making eye contact and smiling at each other.

“So, Connor,” Larry was the first to speak. “I’m sure you’re aware that we have questions. Given…everything.”

Connor set his fork down, “I’m gay, all the flirting over the years was a ploy, I’m not a slut.”

Cynthia lowered her glass to the table, “Connor, we have a guest. No need for that language.”

“Oh fuck off, I’m 24. And your oh so precious guest is my boyfriend. He’s aware of my language choices.”

“And how long have you two…been together?” Larry tried to steer the conversation away from an argument.

Connor pondered the question. Would it be better to give the original date they hooked up? Admitting feelings? Surely not them making things official. That was so recent.

“Almost two months,” Evan made the decision for him. The day they started hooking up.

Cynthia’s eyebrows rose up in surprise. “That…is longer than I was expecting.” She focused her attention on Evan. “You do know you don’t have to do this, right? I know things have changed since you were…asleep. But you don’t need to feel any pressure—”

“Cynthia!”

“Mom!” Zoe snapped.

“What the fuck?!” Connor hit the table.

Evan seemed shocked, “I am…not an idiot. I’m fully capable of making my own decisions. I…do you not believe that I could want to be in a relationship with your son?” Evan looked over and smiled at Connor. “It was so…relieving. To wake up in a world where there wasn’t something wrong with me for how I felt about men. And Connor…he’s wonderful. I’ve never felt more sure of myself and comfortable in a decision. I’m very lucky to be a part of his life.”

“Look who’s talking, old man,” Connor chuckled warmly at the praise. Fuck he was weak.

Cynthia hung her head, “I’m sorry. I didn’t…word that properly. I didn’t mean to be crass.”

“I’m glad you’re happy, both of you,” Larry stated. “We all are.”

Connor let himself relax. He was relieved to finally have his parents know the truth. All the years of slander and ridicule for claims that weren’t even true…finally they knew at least part of who he really was. They knew he wasn’t as disgraceful as they had imagined.

“The next board meeting is being held in New York, have you two started packing yet?” Larry switched the topic again.

Connor wrinkled his nose, “Can’t we just not go?”

“You’re the one who said he wanted to be involved in the company.”

“When is the meeting?” Evan asked.

“Next week,” Zoe sighed, tapping her finger along the edge of her glass. “They won’t shut up about it since it’s the first meeting they’re attending since the accident.”

The remainder of dinner went shockingly smooth. Connor didn’t feel hostility for once. Part of him was shocked his family was so accepting of Connor being gay, but maybe Connor being steady and gay was better than the false narrative he had been feeding over the past decade or so.

“That wasn’t too bad,” Evan mused as they got into the car to go home.

“Yeah, better than I was expecting,” Connor hummed. “Y’know, other than my mom trying to convince you that I turned you gay.”

“I’ve been aware that I like men since at least 1963—even if I didn’t want to admit it—but I’m sure she meant for it to come from a place of kindness.” Evan chewed on his lower lip for a moment. “I don’t know if I can go to that meeting. With Jared? I can’t say if anything will happen with him, and if he reverts back to how he was I can’t risk SHIELD getting to him first.”

Connor reached a hand over to lace with Evan’s, “It’ll be okay. You’re young, they’ll understand. And my parents can think you're off on Captain business for all I care. They can’t be upset with you for that. Rehabilitating a trained assassin seems a bit more important than a dumb meeting.”

“I’ll go to any that are near home,” Evan promised.

Connor looked over and grinned. “Speaking of home, we still need to move all your stuff over tonight. Or we could wait until tomorrow, it’s up to you.”

Evan moved their connected hands up so he could kiss Connor’s knuckles. “Why would I wait to spend more time with you?”

This man was going to be the death of him, he was sure of it.

✩

Connor buttoned his blazer as the elevator doors opened. He tried to appear more confident than he felt. He had been avoiding the rest of the board lately. It had been excusable with his parents' recovery, and then…Aunt Heidi. But not responding after shutting down a whole section of the business? They were going to rip him to shreds.

Walking into the conference room revealed a dozen icy glares. Primmed suits and dresses, fancy jewelry, they looked like rich business people. Connor had worn a faded shirt he was pretty sure had stains beneath his blazer. He did his best to ignore their glares and took a seat next to his parents. After him a few more board members came in, followed by two SHIELD agents who shut the door. They weren’t taking chances and Connor wouldn’t be the one to tell them that Winter Fuck Boy was currently hanging out with his boyfriend.

“Where is Evan?” Cynthia whispered to him, her eyes locked on the only empty seat at the table.

“He had…work,” Connor kept his volume low.

“Work?” Cynthia wrinkled her nose in confusion. “This is his work. You both knew about this meeting.”

Connor fought the urge to say something mean. “You and I both know he has a different job, something bigger than both of us.”

“Oh.” Clarity dawned on her face. She used her pen and drew a tiny circle with a star in the middle on the corner of her stack of papers. A small shield. She tapped it with her pen when completed. Connor nodded and she clicked her pen closed before leaning over to her other shoulder to update Larry.

“Hello everyone, thank you for being here today,” Larry started the meeting. “I know many of you were hoping to be properly introduced to Captain Hansen, however as Ms. Heidi’s sole inheritor he will still be occupied for the next coming weeks. Cynthia and I wanted to thank you for your patience as we recovered, and obviously added security has been put into place given the events of the previous meeting.”

Cynthia righted her papers before clearing her throat. “As a blanket statement, we will not be touching on the weapons department at this time. If you aren’t keeping track, the stock has dropped 44 points. Further questions can be followed up with Alana at a later time. For today we will be discussing other areas of focus.”

Connor found all the reports boring. He did what he could to appear that he was paying attention, but he wasn’t comprehending a word of what his parents were saying. If he needed any updates later he could ask Jarvis. Or Alana, she always kept notes.

“I just wanted to say,” a board member spoke up and caught Connor’s attention. She was one of the ones who had tried insulting him at the dinner party. Fuck, that felt like forever ago. “I think Connor did a fantastic job running things while you recovered. Quite impressive for his lack of experience.”

What a lovely backhanded compliment. Connor felt his fingers twitch and he exhaled quietly through his nose. Meetings were recorded, he couldn’t risk being a dick on tape.

“That’s nice to hear, thank you,” Larry responded to the comment.

Connor was ready to hide in the penthouse by the time the meeting was over. He tried to act casual as people began to clear out. He had made it this far, he could wait a few more minutes.

“Connor,” the board member who had tried complimenting him approached, pulling him off to the side. “I was wondering if you could clarify why your parents elected to close the weapons department.”

“I’m not going to get into that right now,” Connor tried to walk away.

“Wait! Hang on,” she caught his wrist to stop him. “It’s only temporary, right?”

Connor sighed, “Ideally. Why?”

She patted his shoulder. “Because I know that there was a shipment never delivered. Of your new design. I have contact with a general. It might put you into good graces if you are willing to do a presentation and offer to sell the remaining product.”

Connor furrowed his brow. “The Jericho missiles?”

“Yes. Those. I can set up a meeting. Son, Murphy Industries has been the top weapons contractor with not only our government but also several across the globe for decades now. Those in power are upset. If you take the time to offer what we have just collecting dust it’ll help give them faith that you aren’t turning your back on your legacy. I’d suggest your father make the trip, but knowing that this shut down was his idea doesn’t bode well in their eyes.”

He hadn’t been on the receiving end of any military backlash. Maybe it would be a good idea, since the weapons had already been built. He would rather them be sold properly now instead of under the table later. He didn’t want to take the risk of things going wrong. The Jericho missiles were dangerous. Maybe the deadliest thing he had created in his 24 years.

Although the Iron Man armor would be up there if placed in the wrong hands. Luckily it was still his secret.

“When did you think we could schedule the demonstration? Where?” Connor would rather things be done properly.

She patted his shoulder, “I’ll email you the details. A few days out and a quick flight across the globe and back.”

Connor nodded his head in understanding and she walked away. All that remained were his parents and Lana. The three of them talking quietly amongst themselves as files and paperwork was packed away.

“Connor, darling, why don’t you join us for lunch?” Cynthia motioned for him to approach her. He stepped over and she brushed her hands over his blazer to remove imaginary wrinkles. “I’m sure there’s a vegetarian menu for you to look at.”

Connor hesitated, “I don’t know, I wanted to go home.”

“You just flew in!” Larry seemed shocked. “Aren’t you tired from the flight?”

He flew for days on end in a tiny metal can, a quick trip on the company plane was nothing. Connor merely shrugged, “I’d just rather be at home. MIT reached out and asked me to do a lecture as a guest speaker I need to get ready for, Evan has his shit still going on, Zoe’s probably destroying things—”

His parents motioned for him to shut up, but he hadn’t caught it right away. His mouth clamped shut as he remembered Alana was still in the room. Shit. He was so used to her knowing everything. Fuck, he was stupid sometimes.

“You don’t need to be worried, I went to Ms. Hansen’s funeral,” Alana chuckled. “I know about Captain Hansen, I haven’t said anything.”

“Right!” Connor let out a breath. “Sorry Lana, just scared myself.”

“I think it’s kind of you to help him adjust to this new world,” Alana beamed and bounced on her heels. “You’re such a good friend.”

“We’ve been fucking for two months.” Connor was monotone in his delivery.

“Connor!” Cynthia frowned at him. “Not at work!”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “What? It’s true!”

“Wait…your computer is destroying things? Should we be worried?” Alana caught on to his actual worries. She didn’t know about Zoe.

“This is ridiculous,” Larry sighed, motioning for them all to start heading for the door. “She’s family, Cynth. Lana…we have something we need to show you.”

They all walked out into the elevator and Larry typed in his security code to get into the penthouse. It did feel odd that they hadn’t told Alana yet. She was so involved in their lives. She spent more time trying to hold their family together than even seeing her own.

The elevator doors opened and they all stepped into the living room. Zoe was lounging on a couch and scrolling on her phone. She flicked her eyes over, freezing at the sight of Alana. The two girls were both not moving as they all tried to give them space.

“Zoe?” Alana sounded scared.

She sat up and dropped her phone to the couch. “Hi. Lana.”

Alana took a hesitant step forward, as though Zoe was only a mirage. In turn Zoe stood up and started the short sprint across the room. The two met in a tight embrace, Zoe lifting them both off the ground and hovering in circles as they hugged.

“It might be best if we order in for lunch today,” Larry chuckled as he motioned for them to leave the room. They all meandered into the kitchen and Connor took up a seat at the island. He shucked off his blazer and reached for his phone to text Evan updates. He had been told to arrive in New York the day prior, but he had wanted to optimize the maximum amount of Evan cuddles before the meeting. He had still made it to the tower, there was no reason to worry.

Cynthia frowned as Connor’s colorful arms were revealed. “I still don’t understand why you would do this to your skin.”

Connor glanced up at her and motioned to the space scene on his right arm. All the stars and planets, deep purple and blue blending together to make the empty nothing of space. “What was Zoe’s favorite thing growing up? Her one interest not related to music.”

Larry’s eyes widened. “She loved stars. Oh, Bud.”

Connor set his phone down and pulled off the various bracelets and hair ties on his right wrist. “Her being gone…art was a distraction, just like work. Putting my own art on my skin…it was a way to avoid the pain. To avoid…” He flipped his wrist around and revealed the scars. “This.” He pulled back on the jewelry and blazer, back to appearing normal. “Remind me to always wear a sweater around you.”

Larry was alerted of their lunch order arriving and he hurried off to get to the ground floor. Cynthia and Connor were left across from each other at the island.

They used to be close, once upon a time. Sometimes Connor wondered what had happened. Had it really just been…the space? All the distance between them physically while Connor went to school?

“You drew all of that?” Cynthia motioned to his arms. He nodded. “Your father and Alana mentioned art a few times in passing but…you draw?”

Connor looked down. “I had an art exhibit on display. It’s closed now but…I was proud.”

Cynthia clasped her hands together, “Maybe you could show me sometime.”

It almost felt like a first step.

It was nice to finally have Alana caught up on things. Zoe and her had been close prior to the accident. They had been the ones intended to run Murphy Industries after all.

While they were eating lunch Connor was emailed the details of his newly scheduled weapons demonstration. One of the Jericho missiles would be shipped over within the hour, come morning he would fly across the ocean to show off his work. He would be back home and with Evan in no time.

He made the decision to not mention things to his parents. They had enough going on. Connor would mention the sale before they found out about it via reports. Connor had no doubts that his weapons would sell, he was talented.

Sleeping alone in the tower felt odd. Connor found himself twisting and turning, but sleep never came. He huffed out a sigh of defeat after a few hours, digging in his dresser. He found a joint and lighter tucked away in a small bag and grabbed both. With that he made his way out of his room and down the hall towards the balcony.

He leaned against the railing and tried lighting the joint. The lighter sparked but no flame was started. Connor rolled his eyes and tried the lighter again. Another spark, but no flame.

“The one fucking time I’m not at home,” Connor muttered, hanging his head in defeat. He hardly even smoked these days, he had been so busy that he hadn’t thought about it. Goddamnit.

“Hey,” Zoe poked her head out and joined him on the balcony. “Lighter busted?” Connor merely nodded. “Can I try something?”

Connor shrugged and handed her the joint. She held the end against the palm of her hand and raised her arm up. She angled her hand to be directly in front of her face gem. Connor was about to ask what she was doing when a sudden beam of bright light came shooting out of Zoe’s gem. It was a quick flash, but as Zoe lowered her hand the joint was lit. Connor stared at her in awe.

“You have a fucking laser?!”

Zoe motioned for him to take the joint. “It’s a recent discovery. I’m still trying to figure out what this thing is.” She motioned to her head. “Being a robot is boring. I can’t even sleep. And I…” she looked out over all the buildings and city lights. “I’m questioning if I even feel.”

Connor took a drag and blew the smoke in her face. She didn’t react, she didn’t need to breathe. “You have feelings, you were happy to see Lana. And when…when Aunt Heidi died? You were sad.”

Zoe let her eyes close, “Yeah, I guess. I’m just realizing that I won’t age. I’ll still be exactly the same while you and Mom and Dad get old. Everyone I care about will die.”

“That would have happened if you had been left as just a computer program.”

“I feel like you would have taken the source code with you to the grave.”

That did sound like something he would do.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Connor stated, elbowing her in the side. “You’re annoying. But it’s better with you here.”

Zoe flicked him, “Yeah, whatever. Love you too, prick.”

They fell into a comfortable silence as Connor’s senses were dulled by the weed. He snuffed out and joint before leaning against Zoe. The two huddled together and watched the city from above. For the first time in years he felt comfortable in New York.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re clingy when high?” Zoe sounded humorous, but she didn’t make any moves to try and get away from him.

“Fuck off,” Connor mumbled. “I’m tired.”

Zoe managed to direct them both inside, shoving Connor into his room. He collapsed into bed, finally finding the peace to go to sleep.

He wished his family well as he made his way out of the tower in the morning. He tried to act casual, he didn’t want them worrying. A company plane was waiting for him at the airport, Connor letting himself be a simple passenger for once. He stretched out in his seat and scrolled on his phone. He had brought a blazer for the presentation, was that not enough? Should he have brought more? He had never done this before. All his other smaller presentations in the past had been to his parents, only showing the idea for a project so they would approve funding for it.

It was a long flight. Part of Connor wished he could have taken it in the armor. He was bored. Evan was messaging him, telling him about what he and Jared were up to.

As much as he didn’t like Jared…it was clear he made Evan happy. And Connor would do his best to accept that Jared hadn’t been acting of his own free will when…he killed Zoe. Evan having anyone he knew from his own time clearly made him happy. He didn’t have any family. Jared was it.

“Mr. Murphy,” he was greeted by a crowd of military officers as he stepped off the plane. “We’re looking forward to your special presentation.”

“Hello, thank you for having me on such short notice.” Connor bowed his head in respect and offered a hand to be shook. He followed them out to a car and tried to act as though he did this all the time. Like he knew what the fuck he was doing. Usually his parents did this. They knew a lot of important military people by name. Connor would be lucky to even know someone’s rank.

Usually his parents prepared a little speech, going into the details of design and trying to sell the weapon of choice on words before actually revealing anything. Something to show that they truly did care about design and what their work accomplished. Connor would have to think of something on the spot.

There was quite the crowd of soldiers waiting to watch the presentation. They had to drive for over an hour to reach a safe testing location. Connor couldn’t even see civilization in the distance. There was nothing, just sand and the occasional spattering of mountains. He pulled out his sunglasses both to protect his eyes and to help him avoid looking at anyone in the eye.

“We’re in a time of uncertainty when it comes to warfare,” Connor opened his mouth and started talking. “Super soldiers from the past, metal men, we as a world have to ask ourselves…is it better to be feared or respected?” He leaned into his confidence, let a little of the playboy act slip into the way he held himself and his tone. “I’d like to suggest that maybe you should be able to have both. Make an impact while staying classy.” He motioned to the missile that was set to be launched across the open desert behind them. “While my family company is working through some internal changes I wanted to present a gold star from my making. The first Murphy Industries system to incorporate my self made repulsor technology.”

It took an effort to not smirk. But he could see those watching become invested. The honor of Connor coming out to show how he was still intending to work with the military, that the closure was intended to only be temporary. They would make a couple hundred million, board members would be happy, and nothing had to change. It was all positives.

“I’ve heard it said that the best weapon is that which you never have to fire,” Connor kept his speech going. “Respectfully, I don’t agree. I think it’s better to have a weapon that you only need to fire once. That is how we’ve always done it and we’re all doing well so far.” He again pointed to the weapon on display. “Find an excuse to let one of these loose and I can personally guarantee you that the bad guys won’t even want to approach.”

Connor pointed out into the open sand and an operator fired the missile. Connor watched with the crowd as it took off, zooming into the air. Per the planned programming the casing of the weapon came off, revealing smaller flare based explosives escaping from the hull and beginning to plummet towards the ground. Connor turned back to face the crowd just before the main explosive detonated.

“For your humble consideration, the Jericho.”

He heard the explosion and saw the reflection of light in those who wore sunglasses. Connor waited, the boom of the impact caused sand to go flying, a dust cloud coating them all in seconds. He chuckled to himself as he dusted off his blazer. He turned back around to see the crater left in his weapon's wake.

The officers approached to shake his hand again, Connor able to see they were impressed. He kept casual, being brought back towards a vehicle to start the trek back to base. He was excited to see how his parents reacted. He wanted them to be proud of him for taking initiative.

Connor kept to himself in the vehicle. A few soldiers were his escorts, all geared with helmets and guns to protect the guest of honor from a nonexistent threat.

“Uh, Mr. Murphy?”

Connor looked to the young man next to him. He was maybe Evan’s age, possibly younger.

“Yeah?”

The young man appeared almost shy. “Is it true that you once slept with the entire group of models for Victoria's Secret on set?”

Oh fuck not this rumor again. Connor honestly wasn’t sure how it came about, he had never even shown a specific interest in models before the rumor. He was fairly sure that one of the models had made it up and the rest just went with it. Still…as far as the world was concerned…

“Yes and no,” Connor lied easily. “Unfortunately a few of the girls had other arrangements, but we did have a few set dressers fill in for them.”

There was a sense of frat boy admiration from the young man. Connor felt disgusted with himself for it. Orgy behavior wasn’t his thing, and he was okay with that. Miguel had suggested it once when they had been hooking up but Connor had swiftly turned it down.

“Can I take a picture with you?” Another soldier in the passenger seat spoke up.

Connor shrugged, “Why the fuck not.”

He lifted his sunglasses and offered his show boy smile to the phone camera. The vehicle was hot and dry, he wanted to remove his blazer. But he wouldn’t dare. Not until it was safe on the plane back home. If his parents’ reactions were anything to go by, the larger population would not appreciate his tattoos.

As the phone was being stored away again an explosion sounded off ahead of them. Connor caught sight of the vehicle they were following going up in a bright light. He entered panic mode. He didn’t have the armor, no way to launch it in time to save him and all these people. What the hell had even happened? They screeched to a halt and the driver grabbed an assault rifle. As the others started loading weapons another explosion went off, the side of their vehicle being riddled with holes. The soldier next to Connor went limp.

“Fuck!” Connor yelped.

“Adams?!” The soldier in the passenger seat cried out to the body in the back with Connor. “Shit!”

“What do I do?!” Connor felt frantic.

“Stay here!” The driver ordered before running out. The other remaining soldier followed, rounds of gunfire being heard from outside. Connor sat in a state of panic, trying to avoid looking at the body. This was bad. How had anyone known about this? Or was it simply an attack on the military?

Connor felt his breath catch as a third explosion went off, destroying the passenger side door of the vehicle. He couldn’t sit like a duck. Connor kicked open his own door and started to run, not looking back at the gunfire he could hear behind him. He dived behind a rock to use as cover, ripping out his phone to text Miguel and Evan. This was bad. Explosions. Gunshots. Screams. People were dying.

Connor flinched as something came flying into his vision. His eyes clocked his own last name. A company weapon mere yards from him.

He scrambled to get away, to keep running. But he wasn’t fast enough. He felt the heat of the explosion on his skin, the stabbing of shrapnel ripping into him. He hit the ground hard, gasping for air. The sky was blotchy, he felt almost numb as his head and body and soul throbbed. His ears rang out as he reached a hand towards his sternum. He raised his fingers and found them bloody. He managed one more gasp before going limp.

Chapter Text

Connor gasped, pain stabbing him in the chest. His eyes opened, only finding a dark void with a single bright light. He felt heavy. Like a brick. He couldn’t move. His eyes found a face, he saw glasses and a mask. A rag was placed over his face and he couldn’t fight to remove it. He took a breath in and darkness took hold once again.

He was jolted awake again, weak and hardly able to lift his head. His eyes only saw more blinding light in front of him. He was struggling to even breathe. He was bound to a chair, unable to try and free himself. He tried to focus on getting air into his lungs when he looked down. His clothes were covered in blood. Pain was seeping in. He felt like he was dying. Was he dying? He had to be. What else could be happening? He went faint of his own accord.

The third time waking up was less violent, but more painful. Connor blinked awake, still feeling heavy and groggy. His chest ached. The ache turned to a throb. Stabbing. Why did his chest hurt?

He sat up, wincing against the action. He looked down, finding two wires poking out of the bottom of his shirt. What the hell? Connor peeled off the shirt, revealing bandages wrapped around his chest.