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Twilight: But Bella Acts Like a Normal Person

Summary:

Will Bella being sane help Edward do the same?
No clue, but we'll find out.
It's basically just Twilight, but if it was a comedy, and Bella Swan was a normal person and not a ridiculously trusting person who just walks into danger with no regard for anything.

It's kind of grown into a not comedy but I'm trying to keep it funny, trust.

Notes:

This is just for funsies and may go exactly along the lines of the book, like a kinda doomed to the narrative thing, but in a funny haha way, or it could just spiral until it crashes. I don't even know. I'm so tired. Anyhoo, enjoy :)

Chapter 1: Stop Staring!

Chapter Text

I'm sitting in the cafeteria with Mike, Jessica, Angela, and Eric, and they're all talking about some trip they want to take? I don't know, all I can focus on is the rando that's giving me a death stare from across the room. I don't think I murdered his entire family, but that's the vibe this look is giving me, so... haha! So fun! Great start to a new school!

"Bella?" Mike asks, looking at me expectantly. "What do you think?"

I stare at him for an awkward amount of time, scouring my brain for any hint of what he was talking about, before just responding with a, "Huh?"

Mike glances toward Jess, looking kind of nervous, before looking back toward me with a little weirded-out smile that's very valid for the circumstance, and saying, "We were thinking about going to La Push this weekend? It'll be pretty sunny. Did you want to come? I can give you a ride, if you needed one."

Jess rolls her eyes for a split second before looking back at her food, slightly disgustedly, which Mike seems oblivious to.

"Are we all going?" I ask, glancing around the table.

"I'm going!" Angela smiles, "It'll be so fun, don't even worry. Beach days are the absolute best."

"All of us are," Jess says glumly, but then looks up at Mike, as if she has an idea. "Or I would, you know? But I don't have a ride." She sighs, resting her chin on her hand.

"That sucks, dude. Sorry," Mike says, still totally oblivious to Jess being totally in love with him.

Jess looks back down at her food, dejected.

"I don't need a ride," I say abruptly, "I'll take my truck, just give me directions, but since I'm not riding with you, why don't you give Jess a ride?"

"Oh. Okay, sure." Mike's lips press together.

Jess looks much happier, but now Mike looks dejected. Oh well, you win some, you lose some-

Will that kid stop staring at me?!

"Jess, who is that?" I motion toward the creep sitting a few tables over.

"That? Oh," she laughs, "That's Edward Cullen."

She goes into a spiel about Edward, but it's really hard to focus, because I can feel his eyes boring into the back of my skull, but the gist of the thing is that he's a grade-A asshole who doesn't give a second glance to anyone, but is super hot- meh- super rich- I take back that meh- and is adopted, with, like, a million siblings. The only weird thing is that some of those siblings are dating, which is a... it's a choice. Is it a good one? ...I'm not gonna comment.

"He's totally checking you out, Bella. But, like, I wouldn't try anything, because he just rejects, like, every girl who talks to him. Plus he's not even that hot anyways, so, yeah."

"Ha, yeah, trust me, I won't."

"Psh, I hope not," Eric scoffs, giving an angry side glance to Edward. "He's really weird."

Angela's fingers start fidgeting with the strap of her camera at Eric's defensive tone.

-

The next period, in biology, I step in the classroom to find every seat taken except one. And they're doubles. And guess who doesn't have a lab partner? Edward Cullen! Lucky fucking me!

I do sit by him, though, even if I would rather sit anywhere else, but as soon as I sit by him, he scoots his chair away from me? Excuse me? And yeah, he's still death glaring me! So, I, as a self proclaimed grudge holder, scoot away from him as well, giving him side glances as I do so. All of this doesn't really matter though, as the table is actually quite small, so we're actually just sitting a normal distance away from each other instead of hitting elbows every five seconds, but it's the thought that counts.

The class starts, and Edward is still creeping me out, but I try to ignore it. If he's not going to be upfront with me about why he's glaring at me, he doesn't get the satisfaction of me being curious. Yeah bitch, deal with that.

I need to calm down, it's fine, I'm a big girl. Just, focus on school, Bella. You're already not paying enough attention-

"Isabella?" Mr Banner calls, "Can you tell me the answer?"

"I-"

Edward coughs beside me, and it sounds suspiciously like the word prophase.

"Prophase." I respond without thinking, eyes slightly wide.

"That was a hard one, good job." Mr Banner turns around to face the whiteboard again, just as my face turns beet red.

I run my hand over my face before turning to Edward, maybe to say something like, 'thanks for the answer, man. I was totally screwed,' but as soon as I look over at him, I almost jump out of my skin, he's back to acting like I committed an irrevocable sin that should have sent me to hell immediately but left me here with the replacement punishment being his glare!

To be perfectly candid, this sucks.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, the period bell rings, and before I even can grab my book off the table, Edward's out the door.

Holy crow, this guy hates me.

Well... if he hated me, then why would he give me the answer to Mr. Banner's question, and the right one, at that? I mean, he could have given me the wrong one and embarrassed the hell out of me, but he didn't.

Why is this kid so frustrating?!

It's fine, it's fine.

-

I walk down to the school office, needing to get a paper or two signed before I'm like, officially in school or something, which is odd, considering I already had a day of classes. I guess that's Forks for you, not very official. Very unlike Phoenix.

I step into the office, and immediately see Edward Cullen stiffen as he talks to the office lady.

"Are you sure you can't change that class?"

"Mister Cullen, I'm sorry," the office lady says, fixing her glasses on her nose, "All the other classes are full that period. Why don't you want to stay in Biology?"

That motherfu- no, it's probably not me, not everything's about you, Bella.

But then, Edward throws a knife at me.

Not actually. But in my defense, that's what his (way overused at this point, by the way, like, shake it up, man) glare feels like.

That kid's mean!

"Never mind," Edward snaps at the poor office lady, then continues to storm out of the office, being careful not to brush up against me.

Oh. Okay. Damn.

He does hate me.