Archive of Our Own

Dialogue from 'X-Cops' is in bold italics

FROHIKE:  "You got the tape in the VCR, Byers?"
  
BYERS:  "For the thousandth time, Frohike, YES!  The tape's in the VCR."
  
LANGLY:  "And you better not be taping over my Ramones bootleg concert, either."
  
FROHIKE:  "Yeah, right.  Wouldn't want to lose THAT."
  
LANGLY:  "Look, Melvin, I've just about had it with you taping over all my stuff.  Why don't you ever use any of John's tapes, huh?"
  
FROHIKE:  "As if!  We might erase something important."
  
LANGLY:  "Like one of his copies of the Zapruder film?"
  
BYERS:  "They're vital research materials, Ringo."
  
LANGLY:  "All 18 copies!?  Who the hell needs 18 copies of the Zapruder film?"
  
FROHIKE:  "Hey, you can never have too many copies, okay?"
  
LANGLY:  "Well, what about one of your porn tapes then?  There are more than enough of them."
  
FROHIKE:  "Yeah, and you've watched every single one . . . twice.  You'd miss them more than *I * would.  Whatever would you do for a date Saturday nights?"
  
LANGLY:  "Oh, bite me, Doohickey!"
  
FROHIKE:  "Why, you little . . .!!"
  
BYERS:  "Guys, cool it, okay?  I know what I'm doing, and no, Langly, it's not your Ramones tape.  I promise."
  
FROHIKE:  "Hey guys, check it out.   How do I look?"
  
BYERS:  "For the thousandth and ONE time, Mel, you look . . . spiffy."
  
FROHIKE:  "So, this tie goes with this outfit?"
  
BYERS:  "Yes, it does. . .ah . . . wait . . . is that one of mine?"
  
FROHIKE:  "Uh . . . yeah.  You don't mind me borrowing it, do you?"
  
BYERS:  "No, I guess not.  But you should have asked first."
  
FROHIKE:  "Gotcha.  I'll remember that for next time.  But it looks okay, right?"
  
LANGLY:  "Sure.  Banker's pin stripes look great with all that Kevlar.  Saw it in GQ."
  
FROHIKE:  "Nobody asked you, hairball."
  
BYERS:  "Are you wearing my cologne, too?"
  
FROHIKE:  "Well, you don't think I'd use LANGLY'S, do you?"
  
LANGLY:  "Fer Pete's sake, Scully's not even gonna notice you."
  
FROHIKE:  "You don't know that.  She might."
  
LANGLY:  "Frohike, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but she's Beauty and you're the Beast.  You do the math."
  
FROHIKE:  "If I recall my Disney films, brainiac, the Beast won over Beauty's heart in the end."
  
BYERS:  "He's got a point there, Langly.  And stranger things HAVE happened."
  
FROHIKE:  "Yeah, and I've got the back issues of The Magic Bullet to prove it.  Now, is my tie straight?"
  
BYERS:  "Yes.  You look fine.  Oh . . . there's the bell.  Do you mind getting it, Langly?  I'm kinda busy here."
  
LANGLY:  "Sure, dude.  No problem."
  
FROHIKE:  "Umm, you're sure you've got it set up right?"
  
BYERS:  "For the last time, Frohike . . . ."
  
MULDER:  "Hey guys!"
  
FROHIKE:  "Well, well, well . . . if it ain't the movie stars."
  
SCULLY:  "Hardly, Frohike.  I can't believe you guys dragged me here to view my greatest humiliation."
  
BYERS:  "I'm sure it's not that bad, Scully."
  
SCULLY:  "No, Byers, it's much worse.  Thank you for asking."
  
LANGLY:  "Oh, c'mon, it can't be half as bad as that alien autopsy video you made."
  
SCULLY:  "Langly, I've told you a dozen times.  I DIDN'T make that video, and there WAS no alien!"
  
BYERS:  "Right.  Ahhh . . . can we get you two something to drink, maybe?"
  
MULDER:  "Yeah, Byers, thanks.  Beer for me.  Scully?"
  
SCULLY:  "The strongest thing you've got."
  
FROHIKE:  "Oh, mama!"
  
SCULLY:  "And Frohike, you better be on your best behavior tonight or I'm walking."
  
FROHIKE:  "Anything you say, pretty lady."
  
BYERS:  "Don't worry, Scully, we've got him on a short leash tonight.  Langly?  Could you get the drinks, please?"
  
LANGLY:  "What am I, Byers?  Your own personal slave?"
  
FROHIKE:  "Yeah, don't you wish."
  
LANGLY:  "What was that, Frohike?"
  
FROHIKE:  "Hmmmm?  Nuthin'."
  
BYERS:  "Ringo, please stop whining.  I'd do it myself, but as you can see, I'm kinda busy here."
  
LANGLY:  "Sure.  Fine.  Whatever."
  
MULDER:  "Gee, and I thought YOU were in a bad mood, Scully."
  
SCULLY:  "I AM in a bad mood.  By the way, what exactly ARE you doing there, Byers?"
  
BYERS:  "I'm hacking into FOX's main satellite.  We should be able to get a crystal-clear image once I'm done."
  
SCULLY:  "Oh, brother!"
  
MULDER:  "So Byers, except for committing prosecutable offenses against the FCC, you boys been working on anything interesting?"
  
FROHIKE:  "You mean, something you can swipe from us and use for one of your personal mini-crusades against the dark forces of the government, right?"
  
MULDER:  "My dear, sweet, paranoid Frohike.  You've been hanging around Langly too long.  I'm just trying to make conversation."
  
BYERS:  "Actually, we have been looking into the possibility that chicken farmers, in an effort to curb beef consumption, are perpetuating false information about the dangers and extent of the spread of Mad Cow disease to convince people to eat more poultry."
  
MULDER:  "Heavy."
  
BYERS:  "Quite."
  
SCULLY:  "The scary part is that one ALMOST sounds reasonable."
  
MULDER:  "Jesus, Scully, don't encourage them!"
  
SCULLY:  "However, did you guys ever stop to think that it might be PETA?"
  
BYERS:  "What do you mean by that?"
  
SCULLY:  "Well, it's entirely possible that PETA is dispersing the lies about both Mad Cow AND the recent epidemic outbreak of Foot and Mouth disease in an attempt to scare everyone into vegetarianism."
  
FROHIKE:  "Dana Scully, you are the woman of my dreams.  Marry me."
  
MULDER:  "Chill, Frohike.  You know, it's really not nice to screw with their minds like that."
  
SCULLY:  "I'm just adding my two cents, Mulder."
  
LANGLY:  "Here we go.  Beers all around.  And J & B for Scully."
  
SCULLY:  "FINALLY.  If I have to sit through this, you should have just brought the bottle."
  
FROHIKE:  "OH MAMA!!"
  
MULDER:  "Frohike – I mean it."
  
FROHIKE:  "Didn't you get the munchies, hairball?"
  
LANGLY:  "DUH!  I've only got two hands, Master of the Obvious."
  
FROHIKE:  "Fine.  *I'll * get them."
  
BYERS:  "Frohike made his world-famous nachos and salsa just for this occasion."
  
MULDER:  "GREAT!  Wait till you try them, Scully.  I tried to beat the recipe out of him for the FBI Christmas party last year, but he wouldn't squeal."
  
SCULLY:  "Gee, you boys are going all out for this tonight."
  
LANGLY:  "You're not kidding.  It's all Frohike has talked about for weeks.  He's really geeked about finally adding you to his video collection."
  
SCULLY:  "That's it.  I'm gone!"
  
MULDER:  "Scully, Langly was just joking.  Ahh, you WERE just joking, weren't you?"
  
BYERS:  "Well, actually, Mulder . . . ."
  
FROHIKE:  "Here we are.  Rancho Nachos El Grande del Frohike."
  
LANGLY:  "Just hand over the grub, toadboy."
  
FROHIKE:  "Patience, Ringo.  First taste belongs to the lovely agent."
  
MULDER:  "Thanks, Frohike."
  
SCULLY:  "Hands off, Mulder.  He meant ME."
  
MULDER:  "Well, then he should have been more specific."
  
SCULLY:  "Mmmm . . . these ARE good."
  
FROHIKE:  "And just remember, I can cook outside the kitchen, too."
  
MULDER:  "Down, Frohike."
  
FROHIKE:  "Mulder, you're just no fun."
  
BYERS:  "Come join us on the couch, Scully.  There's plenty of room."
  
SCULLY:  "No thanks, Byers.  I prefer standing.  It'll be easier to make a fast get-away."
  
LANGLY:  "Suit yourself.  More nachos for the rest of us."
  
MULDER:  "C'mon, Langly, don't hog them all."
  
FROHIKE:  "Oh, man, here it comes!  You sure you got everything set up, Byers?"
  
BYERS:  "For the final time, Frohike . . . YES!!"
  
SCULLY:  "Didn't Byers say something about world class salsa, too?"
  
FROHIKE:  "Damn!  Forgot it in the fridge.  Be right back."
  
MULDER:  "You better hurry up.  You're going to miss the beginning."
  
LANGLY:  "Man, I really dig this song:   Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do. . . ."
  
SCULLY:  "You've got a pretty good singing voice there, Langly."
  
MULDER:  "Didn't I tell you not to encourage them?"
  
SCULLY:  "What's the matter, Mulder?  Jealous?"

MULDER:  "For your information, I have a great singing voice."

SCULLY:  " 'The Theme from 'Shaft' would disagree with you on that."
  
MULDER:  "I was drugged!"
  
FROHIKE:  "Here you go, Agent Scully.  Spicy, just like you."

MULDER, BYERS and LANGLY:  "FROHIKE!"

FROHIKE:  "What'd I say?"
  
SCULLY:  "Mmmm, this salsa is wonderful!  It tastes kinda sweet . . . ."
  
FROHIKE:  "That's the mandarin oranges."
  
MULDER:  "AH-HA!!!  Now I know the secret ingredient!  Thanks, Scully."
  
FROHIKE:  "Dammit, Mulder.  Don't go spreadin' it around, okay?"
  
BYERS:  "Excuse me, could you please pass the salsa down to this end?"
  
SCULLY:  "Sure . . . Langly, pass this down to Byers?"
  
LANGLY:  "No problemo.  You need some more chips down there, big guy?"
  
BYERS:  "No.  I'm fine.  Thank you."
  
FROHIKE:  "Where are you guys?  Is this even the right episode?"
  
MULDER:  "Be patient, Grasshopper.  It's only been on three minutes.  And yes, I know this is the right one.  We were in the intro, and see that cop there?  He ended up . . . ."
  
LANGLY:  "Don't ruin it for us, Mulder.  Jeez!"
  
SCULLY:  "I can't believe Skinner couldn't stop this from being shown."
  
MULDER:  "You heard what he said, Scully.  The FBI has nothing to hide."
  
LANGLY:  "Yeah, right, Mulder.  Just the whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa."
  
FROHIKE:  "Langly, you bonehead.  That was the MAFIA, not the FBI."
  
LANGLY:  "Oh yeah?  And how do YOU know?"
  
FROHIKE:  "It's common knowledge.  'Sides, if any government agency was involved with his disappearance, it was the CIA, not the FBI."
  
LANGLY:  "BFD.  I still say that all those suits are one in the same.  Can't trust any of them as far as you can throw them.  Ahhh, no offense guys."
  
MULDER:  "None taken."
  
LANGLY:  "I mean, you and Scully are all right.  And Skinner's okay sometimes.  But the rest of them.  Yeww-wee!"
  
MULDER:  "Trust me, Langly, I know how you feel."
  
FROHIKE:  "There you are!  Oh, man, Scully you look dee-lish!"
  
SCULLY:  "Cool yer heels, flyboy."
  
'We're investigating a case!'

'Check the ID!'

'Behind your head!'

'Check my ID in the back pocket!'
  
FROHIKE:  "I wouldn't have minded checking out your ID, Agent Scully."
  
SCULLY:  "Frohike – I warned – oh, what the hell?  I need another drink.  Where's that bottle?"
  
FROHIKE:  "It's in the kitchen.  Help yourself, pretty lady."
  
'Big teeth, eight feet tall?  What the hell are you describing?' 

"A werewolf.'
  
LANGLY:  "A WEREWOLF!  You've GOT to be kidding!"
  
MULDER:  "Langly, just shut up and watch the show."
  
LANGLY:  "A fucking werewolf!  Oh, boy, you are TOTALLY gone, Mulder."
  
FROHIKE:  "LANGLY!  Watch your language in front of the lady!"
  
BYERS:  "She's not back yet, Mel.  So, Mulder – a fucking werewolf, huh?"
  
MULDER:  "Et tu, Byers?"
  
'Wait a minute.  I mean, that's not what really happened, though.'

'I'm sorry, but you're going to have to be isolated and kept under guard.'

''With all due respect, what the *bleep* are you talking about?'
  
BYERS:  "You know, I think I have to go with the sergeant here, Mulder.  What the bleep ARE you talking about?"
  
MULDER:  "I'm very disappointed in you, Byers.  I thought you guys were more open minded than this."
  
LANGLY:  "We ARE open minded.  But . . . a werewolf?  That's a bit out there even for us."
  
FROHIKE:  "Will all you guys shut up?  I'm trying to hear Agent Scully."
  
'Look, Mulder, you want to talk about werewolves to me, you can knock yourself out.  I may not agree with you, but at least I'm not going to hold it against you, but this . . . Mulder, this could ruin your career.'
  
'What career?  Scully, I appreciate it.  You don't want me looking foolish.'
  
'I don't want me looking foolish, Mulder.'
  
LANGLY:  "Ahhh, too late for that, Scully."
  
FROHIKE, BYERS and MULDER:  "LANGLY!"
  
LANGLY:  "What?  What'd I say?"

SCULLY:  "Okay, I'm back.  Although I have no idea why."
  
'I'm going to call Skinner, Mulder.'
  
'Okay.'
  
'I'm sure he's going to want to say a couple of words about this . . . .  Guys, give it a rest, huh?'
  
LANGLY:  "Nice attitude, Scully."
  
SCULLY:  "Well, what was I SUPPOSED to do?  Those damn cameramen were EVERYWHERE!  I'm surprised they didn't follow me into the bathroom.  And Frohike, if you say anything, I'll have to hurt you."
  
FROHIKE:  "Is that a threat, or a promise?"
  
SCULLY:  "You are a sick man."
  
FROHIKE:  "And that's why you love me, right?"
  
SCULLY:  "In your dreams."
  
FROHIKE:  "Hey, anytime, anyplace, sweetness."
  
MULDER:  "He's got you there, Scully."
  
SCULLY:  "Oh, shut up, Mulder.  I'm getting another drink."
  
'Sir?  Sir?  We got your suspect.' 
  
'Claw monster!  Claw monster!'
  
'Claw monster.  Boy, you know, they kill him in every movie and he just keeps coming back.'
  
LANGLY:  "Freddy Krueger?!  Now you're looking for Freddy Krueger?  Man, Mulder, this just keeps getting better and better."
  
MULDER:  "It's not that farfetched, Langly, if you'd only watch it."
  
LANGLY:  "I AM watching it, and I'm still not believing it!  You better never call me a wacko again."
  
BYERS:  "At least not to his face."
  
MULDER:  "Gotcha, Byers."
  
SCULLY:  "Crap!  It's not over yet?"
  
FROHIKE:  "Nope, there's still about another 45 minutes."
  
SCULLY:  "Oh, man.  This is the longest hour of my life.  I hope my mom's not near a TV set tonight."
  
LANGLY:  "If she's not, she can always borrow our copy."
  
SCULLY:  "OH GOD!  You really ARE taping it, aren't you?!"
  
LANGLY:  "I TOLD you that when you came in, but you and G-boy here thought I was joking."
  
SCULLY:  "Frohike, you are despicable."
  
LANGLY:  "Well, you could always report him to the FCC for recording shows illegally."
  
BYERS:  "Do you have any idea how many cases the FCC has to hear before his would come up?  They were backlogged five years worth when I quit a decade ago."
  
LANGLY:  "Fired."
  
BYERS:  "Quit!"
  
LANGLY:  "FIRED!"
  
FROHIKE:  "Dammit, Langly!  If Byers wants to believe he quit then let him.  I'm trying to watch here!"
  
'Well . . . those weren't teeth marks, Mulder.  They turned out to be insect bites . . . individual welts or stings of some sort.  Together they just looked like a larger pattern, especially when we want them to . . . ah, although it was an understandable conclusion that I'm sure anybody would have made.'
  
BYERS:  "Nice recovery there, Scully."
  
FROHIKE:  "Yeah, way to save Mulder's ass . . . again."
  
LANGLY:  "And the way you just shot down that cameraman!  Was it that time of month or something?"
  
FROHIKE, BYERS and MULDER:  "LANGLY!!!"
  
LANGLY:  "What?!?  What'd I say THIS time?"
  
FROHIKE:  "Scully, have I ever told you how yummy you look in basic black?"
  
BYERS:  "FROHIKE!"
  
MULDER:  "Hey, what about me?"
  
FROHIKE:  "Ah, um, yeah . . . you look good in black, too, Mulder."
  
SCULLY:  "Oh, brother!"
  
MULDER:  "Thanks, Mel, but I don't know if I should trust the opinion of a guy who'd wear that tie."
  
FROHIKE:  "Dammit, guys!  You said it looked good!"
  
BYERS:  "MULDER!  That's one of MY ties!"
  
LANGLY:  "You know, Scully, I have to agree with Mulder about the whole bubblegum pink thing.  It would be a good color for you."
  
FROHIKE:  "Don't listen to him, sweetheart.  You're tasty just the way you are."
  
SCULLY:  "Please, Lord – give me strength."
  
MULDER:  "Isn't it a bit late to start praying?"
  
SCULLY:  "It's worth a shot."
  
'Uh, I can say that . . . with absolute conviction, um, and the nature of these crimes – they're notoriously hard to quantify on any kind of regular scientific level as Agent Scully will tell you.'
  
'Oh, yeah.'
  
LANGLY:  "Jeepers, Scully . . . could you have been a BIT more enthused?"
  
MULDER:  "Leave her alone.  It was that time of month, remember?"
  
SCULLY:  "So help me God, I could kill all four of you and no jury in the land would convict me.  I need another drink."
  
MULDER:  "If you're going back to the kitchen could you get me another bottle of beer?"
  
SCULLY:  "Sure . . . what about the rest of you guys?"
  
LANGLY:  "Yeah, I'll take another one."
  
BYERS:  "The Tabasco sauce for me, please?"
  
FROHIKE:  "You saying I didn't put enough in for you?"
  
BYERS:  "It's delicious, as always, Frohike.  I'm just in the mood for something spicier tonight."
  
SCULLY:  "Where will I find it?"
  
FROHIKE:  "Why don't you have a seat, and I'll go get the stuff, okay?"
  
SCULLY:  "That's very nice of you, Frohike.  Make mine a double this time."
  
FROHIKE:  "Ahhh.  A woman after my own heart."
  
LANGLY:  "Hey, Byers.  You want spicy?  Check out the hooker!  Whoa-baby!"
  
BYERS:  "Calm down, Ringo."
  
LANGLY:  "Aw, c'mon, you don't think she's hot?"
  
BYERS:  "Well, it's hard to tell with that splotchy thing over her face.  Was she attractive, Mulder?"
  
MULDER:  "Umm, actually she's dead.  She gets killed sometime before the next commercial."
  
BYERS:  "Oh!  Oh my.  I'm so sorry.  I didn't mean any disrespect."
  
MULDER:  "Chill out.  It's okay.  You didn't know.  We tried our best, but we couldn't save them all."
  
BYERS:  "No, I suppose you couldn't."
  
LANGLY:  "Mulder, I thought I told you not to ruin it for us."
  
'Hey, Deputy.  You ready to talk to me now?  You and I both know you saw something.  We're way past claiming you didn't.'
  
'I only know what I thought I saw.'
  
'Well, describe it for me.'
  
'The wasp man.'
  
BYERS:  "Now you're hunting wasp men?  Boy, do I envy your life, Mulder."
  
MULDER:  "You don't know the half of it."
  
BYERS:  "Nor do I want to.  The parts I DO know about are entertaining enough."
  
MULDER:  "Glad I keep you boys amused."
  
FROHIKE:  "Here we go.  Beer for Mulder – one for Langly.  Hot sauce for Byers.  And a double for Scully.  What'd I miss?"
  
LANGLY:  "Mulder making an ass out of himself."
  
FROHIKE:  "Been there – done that.  So, I basically didn't miss anything?"
  
MULDER:  "Gee, Mel . . . with friends like you, who needs Cancerman?"
  
'Fear.  Maybe that's what this thing feeds on.'
  
LANGLY:  "THAT was your theory, Mulder?"
  
MULDER:  "Sure.  It was the only one that made any sense.  If it sustained itself on a diet of fear, what better community to show up in?  It'd certainly never have any trouble finding its next meal."
  
BYERS:  "Mulder, now *I'm* scared.  That actually makes sense."
  
MULDER:  "See, Scully, I TOLD you it wasn't that far out there!"
  
BYERS:  "Oh, no, make no mistake.  It's OUT THERE, but fairly logical."
  
MULDER:  "Thanks, Byers.  I think."
  
LANGLY:  "Hey, Mulder, what's your biggest fear?"
  
MULDER:  "I have a lot of them."
  
LANGLY:  "Pick one."
  
MULDER:  "Okay.  I guess it's that the truth WON'T be out there after all."
  
FROHIKE:  "Deep."

LANGLY:  "Word."
  
MULDER:  "What about you guys?"
  
BYERS:  "That they'll release evidence one day that finally proves Oswald WAS the only shooter in Dallas, restoring my faith in the government, and therefore ending my career as an investigative journalist."
  
FROHIKE:  "You're so predictable, Byers."
  
MULDER:  "And what about you, Frohike?  What's your biggest fear?"
  
LANGLY:  "That some egghead scientist someday will discover that you shorten your life one day for each time you jerk-off – which means you'll be kicking off any minute now, eh, No-hickey?"

FROHIKE:  "Yeah, and you'd be right behind me, baby."
  
BYERS:  "Scully?  What about you?"
  
SCULLY:  "My biggest fear is that they'll re-run this episode on a REAL network, like NBC, where there's a chance people might actually SEE it.  Thank GOD it's only FOX."
  
FROHIKE:  "Well, there's always syndication . . . ."
  
SCULLY:  "SHIT!"
  
'Oh God, MORE of you?'
  
FROHIKE:  "Scully, I don't know why you hated those cameramen so much.  The camera just loves you.  You should have your own TV show."
  
BYERS:  "Yeah, kinda like Police Woman.  Or Charlie's Angels."
  
FROHIKE:  "Actually, I was thinking more like Baywatch.  You know, you could run around DC, fighting crime in a bikini or something."
  
SCULLY:  "Frohike, you are on some SERIOUSLY thin ice right now."
  
FROHIKE:  "Okay, a one-piece.  I'm flexible."
  
MULDER:  "Yeah, so's Scully.  Or at least that's what it says on the men's room wall."
  
SCULLY:  "WHAT?!?!?"
  
MULDER:  "Lighten up, Agent.  I'm just pulling your leg."
  
SCULLY:  "Keep it up, AGENT, and I'll be pulling YOUR leg – right out of its socket!"
  
FROHIKE:  "Oooh, I love it rough, pretty lady."
  
'It's hard to have a fast-track career in law enforcement when everyone thinks you're nuts.'
  
'Tell me about it.'
  
LANGLY:  "Oh man, that deputy's got YOUR number, Mulder."
  
MULDER:  "Can it, Langly."
 
LANGLY:  "What's the matter?  The truth hurt?"
  
SCULLY:  "I'll be doing the hurting around here in a minute if I don't get some nachos."
  
FROHIKE:  "Anything for you, my lovely."
  
'Mortal fear:   I think that's what it comes down to.  This . . . this . . . this thing, whatever it is, is attracted to that.  Everybody who was attacked felt it intensely."
  
"For *bleep* sake!'
  
BYERS:  "Something tells me you weren't making any friends out there, Mulder."
  
SCULLY:  "He's quite used to that."
    
'It can't hurt you!  You're a *bleep* sheriff's deputy, Wetzel!  Don't be afraid now.  And you're on national television, so cowboy up!'
  
BYERS:  "COWBOY UP?!  That's rich, Mulder.  I'll have to remember that one."
  
LANGLY:  "And way to go breaking that door down.  Not TOO girlie."
  
MULDER:  "You know, I can always sic the IRS on you boys.  When was the last time you paid your taxes, anyway?"
  
FROHIKE:  "Hey, you can't pay taxes on a negative income, kid."
  
'You think the deputy stopped it whatever it was?'
  
'Maybe it just went away until the next full moon.  I don't know.  You've got to figure there's enough fear in the world that if it doesn't show up in Willow Park, it's going to show up someplace else.'
  
'You didn't get the proof that you wanted, Mulder.'
  
'Well, hey, you know – it all depends on how they edit it together.'
  
'It's going to be a hard one to write up.'
  
FROHIKE:  "You should be used to that by now, Scully."
  
LANGLY:  "So . . . that's it?  The end?  And you didn't solve it?"
  
MULDER:  "Well, not ALL of our cases get solved."
  
BYERS:  "Mulder . . . NONE of your cases get solved."
  
FROHIKE:  "Unless we're helping out."
  
MULDER:  "Awfully inflated ego you got going there, Melvin."
  
FROHIKE:  "I've told you before, *Fox*, do NOT call me Melvin."
  
MULDER:  "Sure thing, *Melvin*."
  
BYERS:  "So, it's still out there somewhere?"
  
MULDER:  "As far as we know.  But it'll show its face again someday.  I'm sure of it."
  
FROHIKE:  "Did it ever occur to either of you that maybe it wasn't a 'fright monster' at all, but just the simple fact that everyone in that neighborhood was stoked on crack that caused all the deaths and the 60's acid flashbacks?"
  
BYERS:  "But that doesn't explain the cop.  He was clean."
  
MULDER:  "Byers is right.  And the morgue worker.  I don't think she was on drugs."
  
LANGLY:  "Yeah *Melvin* . . . and how do you explain that Ebola virus thing, huh?"
  
FROHIKE:  "Hantavirus, you blond numb-nut!  Hey, Scully, how DO you explain that?"
  
SCULLY:  "Dammit!  That camera made my ass look fat."
  
BYERS:  "Huh?"
  
LANGLY:  "Ahhh, Scully, we were talking about the case?"
  
SCULLY:  "The case?  Who cares?  I was just on TV for the past hour with the fattest ass in the history of mankind!"
  
FROHIKE:  "Scully, my love, you looked beautiful."
  
SCULLY:  "You mean that, Hickey?"
  
FROHIKE:  "You have to ask?"
  
SCULLY:  "Awwww, you're so sweet.  And I love that tie, cutie."
  
LANGLY:  "Man, you are SO skunked!"
  
FROHIKE:  "Langly's right. You shouldn't be driving.  I'll give you a ride, Scully."
  
MULDER:  "I'm sure you would.  That's why she's probably safer with me."
  
FROHIKE:  "Mulder, I am deeply offended."
 
MULDER:  "C'mon, Agent, I'll take you home."
  
BYERS:  "Take care, you two.  Drive safe."
  
MULDER:  "Bye, guys, and thanks.  It was . . . interesting."
  
LANGLY:  "Be careful, Mulder.  I think it's a full moon out there.  Wouldn't want you to be attacked by any werewolves."
  
SCULLY:  "Suck my dick, Langly."
  
BYERS:  "Guys?  Did I just hear Scully say to suck her . . .?"
  
FROHIKE:  "Oh, man, I am in LOVE!"
  
BYERS and LANGLY:  "FROHIKE!"
  
FROHIKE:  "Didn't I TELL you she'd notice the tie?  A few more nights like this one, and I'll have her eating out my hand."
  
BYERS:  "Not if you're wearing those gloves."
  
FROHIKE:  "Are you knocking my fashion sense again?"
  
BYERS:  "WHAT fashion sense?"
  
LANGLY:  "You bastards!  I can't believe it!  You taped over my copy of Riverdance!"
  
FROHIKE:  "At least it wasn't the Ramones, right?"
  
LANGLY:  "You are SO dead, Melvin!"
  
FROHIKE:  "You have to catch me first."
  
LANGLY:  "Oh, don't worry about that, little man.  I'll catch you, then you better start praying!"
  
BYERS:  "Guys, guys.  I got a better idea.  Why doesn't Frohike whip up another batch of nachos, and we can watch the video again, without all the interruptions?"
  
FROHIKE:  "Byers, you're a genius!  Be back in a few . . . ."
  
LANGLY:  "HEY!  Come back here!  You owe me a new copy of Riverdance, Frohike!  And I want a DVD this time so you can't tape over it!"
  
FROHIKE:  "You got it, Langly . . . when hell freezes over."
  
LANGLY:  "God, I hate you guys!"

THE END