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“I know.”
Ambulon almost felt bad at how Pharma froze up. The way the CMO had that sudden flash of anger, guilt, and fear go across his face was almost enough to make Ambulon want to pretend like nothing had happened.
As Pharma turned his helm to stare at Ambulon, his servos gripping the counter of the recreation room kitchen, Ambulon took a deep invent. His own servos clenched to fists at his sides.
“And I’ve no clue what you’re talking about,” Pharma shot back with a scoff.
“Stop it. Just stop, okay?” Ambulon interrupted, his voice stuck between irritation and something more empathetic. He wasn’t even sure what he was feeling at this point. Pharma had been keeping all of this hidden from him and First Aid for whoever knew how long. “I know. I know the- the Tarn thing. I know about the t-cog harvesting. I know about the deal, Pharma. Stop reflecting. I don’t want to keep walking around this.”
The ache in his helm only grew tenfold at the first of Pharma withdrawing mentally from the conversation already. Ambulon couldn’t handle this growing issue alone.
And clearly neither could Pharma.
Ambulon leaned against the counter, putting his servos on his face as he pondered his next move. Normally, he’d jump straight to yelling at Pharma. The CMO was so detached it made it hard for Ambulon to sympathize with the guy, yet clearly things ran deeper than Pharma just being a little hard to get along with.
“…Thanks, I guess,” Ambulon relented, dragging his servos down before crossing his arms and frowning at the floor. “I don’t think it’s… soundly moral, what you’ve been doing. But I think you care. I’m choosing to think you care. About me. About us.”
The tensing of Pharma’s frame was too noticeable for Ambulon to ignore as he side-eyed the doctor. While he didn’t want to scare Pharma off by getting too sentimental, he didn’t know what else to do.
“Listen. Maybe you’re not doing it for me, or for Delphi. Maybe this isn’t about keeping Tarn away from all of us. Maybe it’s about you, but I don’t care, alright?” Ambulon stressed, pushing away from the counter and turning to face the increasingly panicked Pharma. He put a servo against Pharma’s shoulder, huffing a short laugh at the awkward placement and forcing a somewhat encouraging smile. “It doesn’t matter why you’re doing this. You’re protecting everyone. And I bet it’s really fucking scary, being the one thing between Tarn and the rest of us.”
A sharp exhale from Pharma was all the answer that Ambulon needed, though he found himself interrupted before he could continue.
“I’m not scared. I’m a doctor. My job is to protect my patients, and I’m doing just that,” he defended needlessly. Ambulon didn’t care for reasons. He didn’t need to hear a defense. But if it made Pharma feel better, so be it. He relented as Pharma gently swatted his servo away. “The mechs losing their cogs are never able to be saved regardless.”
Ambulon nodded solemnly. It was sick, perhaps apathetic, and his spark churned at the thought of having to decide when to cut the cord on someone’s life, especially when many others were on the line. Being forced to desecrate the corpse of someone you couldn’t save, after taking the oath to protect and respect life… Ambulon couldn’t begin to imagine how it must feel. He honestly didn’t want to imagine.
A helmache was quickly approaching Ambulon. It was a lot to take in. He didn’t know why he was so accepting of this. Usually, he was the first to anger under tight circumstances with Pharma, but he was tired. He just wanted everything to go back to normal, and that was unobtainable so long as the entirety of the D.J.D. loomed overhead, haunting Delphi—haunting Pharma.
“I can’t offer help. Not in the way of the harvesting, at least,” Ambulon tried to joke, cringing quickly as Pharma shot him a glare. It was pretty tasteless. He scrunched his face up before sighing and grabbing Pharma’s shoulders again, forcing them to face each other even as Pharma clammed up instantly.
“But I'm here for you. I hate what’s happening, and I’m off-put by what you’re doing, but I am here for you. If you need someone to whine to, you yell for me,” Ambulon emphasized by shaking Pharma’s shoulders lightly. He gave a weak smile, even as Pharma averted his gaze with a frown. “I don’t care what time it is or how busy I am; I want you to reach out. And- And I’ll check in. We’re in this together now that I know. You’re stronger than I am, Pharma, honestly.”
Pharma’s shaky breath made Ambulon’s spark feel like breaking in two. Rarely was Pharma openly vulnerable, even if it was just a few hidden tears.
“Yeah, sorry, I’m probably being pushy,” Ambulon mumbled before leaning forward and wrapping his arms around Pharma in a fiddly gesture. He flickered his optics as his cheek pressed against Pharma’s chassis. “But I think I have to be a little pushy with you. I want us to work this out. I’m here for you no matter what.”
He waited a moment, fearing he’d gone way too far, only to relax as hesitant arms wrapped around his shoulders. He squeezed Pharma softly in response to the CMO’s chassis rising and falling erratically through hiccupping breaths.
Patting Pharma’s back with slight fumbles, Ambulon did his best to not get too rigid. This was new territory, and he didn’t feel like ruining the shaky trust they were slowly building.
Pharma had slightly different plans, suddenly shoving Ambulon back and wiping at his face with a trembling servo.
The trust wasn’t ruined. As much as it pained Ambulon to put an end to that physical affection, he figured it was too much for Pharma right now. That was alright.
“Keep me in the loop, Mr. Doctor,” Ambulon teased softly, sticking his pinkie out. He gave Pharma a somehow even more unattractive smile, feeling extremely stupid for how he was acting. He was struggling to find the grounds between comfort and pure idiocy.
“…I’ll try,” Pharma grumbled, reaching his servo up and intertwining his pinkie with Ambulon’s, rolling his optics.
Ambulon wanted to believe him.
“That’s all I’m asking for.”