Archive of Our Own

The news is out.

The whole case on children being kidnapped to break the soulmate’s link had already been leaked before, but now it is officially released. They didn’t manage to find Youngsoo in Australia, it seemed the man had disappeared out of thin air the second he arrived there. It’s too early for them to find any clue, so for now, they’ll focus on the problem in Korea and find the kidnapped children along with the scientists.

Chan anxiously looks at his picture being shown when he’s four years old. They’re talking about their interviews and what Chan went through when he met his soulmates. Thankfully his parents had refused to show his picture now, in fear of being harassed by the press.

So it’s no wonder his parents gasp in shock when Chan’s picture comes to view, with the full weight of his twenty four years along with his parents.

“How is it possible ? Did it leak ?” His mother asks in panic as they see their last name on the screen.

“I’ll call the police to ask,” His father says, hastily getting up to pull out his phone.

Chan looks worriedly at them, “Wait, is it— is it bad ?”

His mother hums, worried, “If they know about us, they might come here to harass us with questions day and night.”

Chan blinks, “Oh, that’s really bad.”

She smiles fondly, “But don’t worry, we’ll protect you,” she ruffles her hair and Chan melts a bit, nodding with a smile.

Chan startles when his phone buzzes. When he looks at it, he finds a bunch of messages from his… soulmates.

Minhoe😏 : @⭐Chan⭐ we saw the news

Minhoe😏 : are you okay ?

The real Suwun🌞 : @⭐Chan⭐ pls Chan ! Tell us ure fine !!!

The Victim : @⭐Chan⭐

The Victim : @⭐Chan⭐

The Victim : @⭐Chan⭐

The Victim : @⭐Chan⭐

The Choker : @⭐Chan⭐ do you mind if I call you ?

The Choker : I could talk with your father too

“Dad, Changbin wants to talk to you,” He speaks, his father pauses his typing before taking Chan’s phone after dialing his number.

Chan anxiously looks at his father walking in a circle as he talks to Changbin. He’s quiet enough Chan can’t hear what he’s saying. But his thoughts get cut when the front door opens abruptly.

He looks at Hannah closing the door with a deep frown followed by Lucas.

Their mother stands up, clearly alarmed, “Did something happen at school ?”

“Some weirdos started following us,” Hannah huffs in annoyance, she throws her car keys in the plate resting on the little furniture next to the door, “they tried to ask us about Chan.”

Chan freezes before panics settles around his lungs, “What ? But why ? I’ve already said everything to the police.”

“Doesn’t matter, they want their own versions, get all the views they can, the best article of the subject,” Lucas explains as he takes off his shoes, “your story is on the headline now, they’re all curious to know more.”

Chan doesn’t like this one bit.

They all flinch when someone knocks at their door. Their mother goes to look through the peephole but it’s all black.

“Who is it ?” She asks loud enough.

“Bang-ssi, I’m a journalist, Kim Heejun, we’d like to ask you questions.”

“I’m sorry, but we’d like you to leave us alone please,” she tells her firmly, already with a deep frown.

“Please ma’am, we just want to know what happened.”

Hannah rolls her eyes, Lucas sighs. But they both seem to have the same idea, gripping Chan by his wrists to go upstairs. The older is confused but he can also understand, he looks behind to see his mother taking a deep breath before opening the door and exiting.

He frowns worriedly but he’s soon pushed in his bedroom, “Don’t worry ‘bout it, they’ll take care of them,” Hannah starts, plopping down on his bed, “and if they can’t, your boyfriend can help.”

Chan flushes, “He’s not my boyfriend,” he retorts, lips in a thin line when he only earns a cocked eyebrow.

Lucas snorts, “He hasn’t even spent that much time with him and the others.”

“I’m sure he’s the type of guy to be completely whipped,” she wiggles her eyebrows with a mischievous grin, and all three of them completely forget the issue going just outside of their home.

“Whipped ? What does that even mean ? Isn’t it for when you’re cooking ?” He asks, completely confused.

Hannah and Lucas share an amused look before the youngest answers, “Kinda mean you’ll do anything the other wants because you love them too much.”

Chan puckers his lips, musing for long seconds. A thought passes in his head that makes him falter, “I think Youngsoo hyung was whipped for me.”

He knows his name’s kind of taboo now, it’s forbidden because then he’d bring the mood down and his family will cast worried looks and the room will be filled with an awkward tension. It still hurts to think of him, but less than before now that he has a family and friends — he hasn’t talked to a lot though— but he needs to talk about it too, to have the closure he couldn’t have on the boat.

Was Youngsoo whipped ? He feels like he was more than Chan was, even if he loved him so much. Everytime he’d ask for something, even if those moments were rare, Youngsoo would bring it in a heartbeat, would take a day off if Chan needed reassurance and company. Youngsoo’s the one who taught him everything in his golden cage.

And maybe deep down Chan always knew having a shackle around his ankle was not normal. But being in denial was easier than facing reality.

“Did you ask him once if he could take off your shackle ?”

Chan looks at Hannah. Her eyes aren’t firm and cold anymore when usually she gets upset at the sound of this name. She’s curious, like she wants to know more.

Lucas has always been open about the topic and taught him what was really wrong in his situation. He’s curious too now, waiting for his answer.

Chan parts his lips.

“Youngsoo hyung ?”

Youngsoo hums, presses little pecks on his back and shoulder.

Chan chews his lower lip, worried he’d cross a boundary, “I always thought… you know I’ll never leave you, right ?” He asks slowly, he doesn’t want the older to feel cornered by his question.

Youngsoo shifts, “Of course, why are you asking ?”

Chan turns himself, needs to see his boyfriend’s expression, cupping his cheek. Youngsoo isn’t worried, just confused. “I was just wondering…” Why can’t he ask such a simple question ? He isn’t sure why, but he forces the words out anyway before it could eat him from the insides, “can we— can we get rid of the shackle, please ?” Youngsoo’s expression morphs to something Chan doesn’t have the time to think, because he backpedals quickly, “I mean if it’s— if it’s possible ? I don’t mind keeping it, but it— it’ll be easier to—” to be free he wants to say.

He doesn’t finish his sentence.

Youngsoo hums, leaning against his touch, “I’m sorry babe, but I can’t. Not when I’m not here.”

Chan falters, but gives a strained smile anyway. He doesn’t want him to feel bad when it’s to protect him, in case people break into their home when Youngsoo isn’t here, “It’s okay, sorry for asking.”

Chan grimaces, “It’s one of the only things he didn’t let me have,” he’s uncomfortable suddenly, like he’s being pried on by his sister and brother.

Lucas asks anyway, “What are the other things ?”

The older sighs, “I wasn’t allowed in the house nor outside of it. He got rid of every news channel or anything related to the outside world.”

Both Hannah and Lucas wince in sympathy before his sister pats his back in comfort, “It’s okay bro, now you can watch everything you want, even porn !”

Lucas laughs, “Oh my god, you could’ve talked about everything but you brought that up ?”

Chan narrows his eyes, “I feel like it’s not a good thing.”

Hannah pats his head then, and Lucas pat his back, “It’s okay, you’re too young for this.”

Lucas nods, just as amused, “You’ll understand when you’ll be older.”

“Hey ! I’m older than both of you !” Chan replies, half offended, before he’s whining about being kept out of the loop, “tell me what it is !”

Hannah stands up, ignoring his demand, “So, I’m gonna shower, bye !”

She leaves, letting Lucas squawk in indignation, “Come back here ! You’re the one who brought the subject !”

Chan watches them chase each other, sighing tiredly while shaking his head in exasperation, “and they say I’m acting like a kid.”

“Chan-ah, your phone,” His father speaks, appearing at his door.

He finally remembers the situation, frowning worriedly as he takes it, “What did he say ? Is mom okay ?”

His father still looks upset, “Changbin’s going to look around to find who leaked our pictures, and your mom’s dealt with the press for now, they should leave us alone. If it doesn’t work Changbin will help us when we’ll want to leave the house, especially you,” he adds for Chan to understand, “you’ll be mostly alone here, your brother and sister have school, and your mom and I work.”

Chan’s face pales, dreading, “What ? But how—” he cuts himself. He knows his family’s taken days off for him, but they can’t do that forever. They need to work and Chan can’t keep being the burden. Chan swallows back his fear and the loneliness ready to come back like an old guest.

That’s fine, he’ll make it.

He just needs to do like before. Occupy himself without feeling the ever growing want to be close to someone, the loneliness clinging to the knob of his heart.

“Your sister and brother come back at five, I come back at six, your mother comes back at nine.” he explains and gives his shoulder a squeeze, “if you don’t want to be alone, you can always ask one of your soulmates to come here, we wouldn’t mind.”

Chan pauses at his words, startled. “I— I can ?”

His father smiles, “Of course, I trust them all to take care of you.”

But why do you trust them so easily ? Is it because they’re my soulmates ?

Chan keeps the question to himself, “Alright.”

When Chan wakes up, the house is silent.

He sits up, looks by the window where the sun is already up and the city’s bustling.

He sighs, feels like deja-vu in some way.

The positive things are, he’s got YouTube now and his father taught him how to watch a movie in the living-room too. Lucas also explained to him how to use his PC if he ever wants to play. But he’s worried he might do something wrong and delete everything, so for now he’ll focus on the movies he can watch.

But first he needs to get ready and eat.

For a reason he ignores, the shackle is invisible now. But he can feel it.

The cycle repeats.

Chan looks through the kitchen to find utensils he can use to cook. He’d like to have an omelet today. He hasn’t cooked a lot before, mostly because Yongsoo used to do it, and now his mother and father cook here.

But an omelet is easy enough.

He gets to work while humming a song he listened to recently but can’t remember the lyrics. It’s a sad one, he thinks. But it suits him at this very moment.

He whips the eggs while the oil on the frying pan sizzles slowly. Chan puts the pieces of bacon in and drops the eggs inside the frying pan. The crackling is a nice addition to focus on now, and for a brief instant, he forgets he’s alone.

Dropping the well cooked omelet on a plate, he smiles at himself, proudly patting his own shoulder, before sitting down to eat.

The kitchen has a window door to the garden. Chan is instinctively drawn to it, to feel a little sense of Freedom for even a few minutes where he has a choice. He can’t go out for now, not when the press’s looking for him. So instead, he takes his plate, bread and his cutlery and goes outside where he can feel the sun warm his skin gently.

Chan closes his eyes briefly and relaxes under the touch, sighing in content.

He starts eating, happier with the noise of the world around him.

After washing the dishes, Chan turns on the TV, now curious about the news. He’d like to have a better grasp on what’s going on outside of the world.

The more he listens, the more he gets antsy. A poor girl has been found dead, killed and raped and they don’t know the murderer which means he is outside and free. People are getting sick and struggling to survive with so little money, and in another country, an earthquake has killed a dozen of victims.

Chan thinks he’s going to throw up. He quickly changes the channel and ends up leaving it to watch a movie, hopeful it will be happier. He really needs this.

His eyes lock on a movie with the title My Soulmate (Please Be a Mistake). He clicks on it, curious, and reads the summary. It’s focused on two girls in high-school, one’s considered a lonely nerd while the other is a popular cheerleader. It seems they have each other as a soulmate and the movie is focusing on their contrast but also their similarity.

Chan plays the movie, hoping it will also answer his question.

Is it only possible to love your soulmate ?

Chan’s so engrossed in the movie, sniffling at a particular emotional moment, that he shrieks when someone rings at the front door.

He pauses the movie, eyes wide open at the possibility of the press being there behind and for a second, he thinks the best thing to do is stay quiet. Not move an inch in case they can hear from outside what he is doing. But he ends up tiptoeing to the door as quietly as possible, trying to look through the peephole with curiosity winning over.

“Chan hyung ? It’s me—”

The older opens the door wide.

“— Hyunjin,” the young man finishes before he breaks into a grin, “hi hyung.”

Chan pauses momentarily, taken off guard by his presence. He hasn’t told anyone about him being alone, so why is he here ? Maybe his dad told them ?

And Hyunjin is way taller than him, it’s a bit… intimidating. He hadn't noticed it last time, but now it’s the only thing he can see.

If Hyunjin ever decides to take advantage of him, he can. And whenever he wants.

Especially since they’re alone now.

“Have you been crying ?” Hyunjin asks, eyebrows frowned worriedly.

The older quickly wipes at his eyes, embarrassed. If he finds out it’s because he’s watching a movie, he feels like he’ll be humiliated for the rest of his life, “It’s nothing. Uhm, you— you can come in.”

Hyunjin seems unsure by his answer, but he doesn’t pry more. He nods and takes off his shoes, looking around in awe, “Your home’s pretty.”

A bitter thought of this home being made when he wasn’t there lingers in his head. He’s new here, and his mark on this place isn’t as important as his family. “I know,” he ends up saying, sad.

Hyunjin closes the door and follows the older, “Sorry if my visit’s all of a sudden, you weren’t answering our text, so I thought I should pass by.”

Chan pauses, pats himself to find his phone before remembering he left it in the bathroom, “Sorry, I didn’t really look at it,” he apologizes awkwardly.

Hyunjin giggles. The sound is pretty. If he remembers, it is the first time he hears him laugh.

He wonders how the others sound like.

“What were you doing ?” Hyunjin’s eyes set on the movie, before he’s gasping, “You were watching this masterpiece ? No wonder you were crying.”

Chan blushes, “You— you like this movie ?”

Hyunjin nods and makes a crying face overly dramatic, “I love it, it’s an old movie but it’s still amazing how it hits home.”

The older stops in his tracks, tilting his head, “It hits home ?”

Hyunjin sits on the couch and nods, Chan follows suit, “You know, when I first met Jisung, we just hated each other so much,” he rolls his eyes at his own past self, “I don’t really know why but we just kept jabbing at each other just to annoy, you know ?”

Chan isn’t sure if he knows, but it’s interesting to understand.

“It got so bad that we fought, physically, ” Chan’s eyes go wide, gasping mutely, “we were hoping the soulmate mark would break, but it didn’t. It’s like we were stuck together whether we liked it or not.”

“You really fought ?” He can’t help asking again, this couldn’t be possible, right ? If they are soulmates, they’re supposed to love each other unconditionally.

(But at the same time, he doesn’t want to think he’s the only anomaly here.)

Hyunjin nods dramatically, “Yeah, we were stupid back then,” then he adds, “we’re still stupid,” he snorts, Chan smiles a bit, “I think at some point, Binie hyung had to interfere since we were kinda fighting in the middle of the street, and he had been called by passersby, you know, since he’s a policeman,” he chuckles, Chan can see that happening, “he has both of us as soulmates and later Binie hyung forced us to talk, so we kinda spoke our mind on why we hated each others.” he smiles, almost nostalgic, “we cried like never and we spend more time together like we were attached by the hip.”

Chan hums, longing in a way. “How long did you need to make peace with him ?”

Hyunjin looks up, musing while puckering his lips, “One year and a half ? I think ? We really hated each other, we needed time to start actually being friends and then lovers.”

Chan looks down, worried, unsure, but wanting oh so badly to lean on someone. “Do you… do you think it will be like this with me ?”

“Oh god no,” Hyunjin replies in a heartbeat, Chan looks up in surprise, “everything’s so new to you, but we understand it. Hyung, you don’t have to worry, no one hates you, and we’re not gonna fight either,” he reassures, and dares pat the older’s back.

Something hot bursts in his chest to the point of bringing tears, but Chan is still worried, “But what if I need more years to— to love any of you ? Isn’t it unfair ?” he asks, remembering Minho and Changbin’s words, caring and full of love.

But he needs to know how the others will feel about this.

Hyunjin grins, fond, “It’s not, everyone has their own pace, I needed more than a year to date Jisung, you can need as many years as you want, we’ll still be waiting for you, forever,” and then more excitedly he adds, “and I also love slow burn, it’s just the best !”

Chan surprises himself with a snort before he asks, “What’s a slow burn ?”

Hyunjin gapes before coming even closer, as if sharing a secret, “Oh hyung, there’s so much to teach you, it’s gonna be so fun.”

The fear and insecurity drops a weight off. It’s easier to breathe now, with someone so open by his side, so kind and honest.

Chan doesn’t notice, but his smile is more than genuine and excited.

He hasn’t noticed how fast time passes with how he’s having fun. They finish the movie and Chan is surprised by Hyunjin’s so open-like heart to cry in front of him, when they don’t really know each other. But it unlocks something in him, and he doesn’t keep his tears, no more ashamed. Hyunjin gives him more details about his fights with Jisung and how it isn’t the end of the world to have arguments. It’s normal and they only need to communicate more to know each other.

Hyunjin tells him the others would like to spend an afternoon with him and Chan surprises himself when he nods, anticipating but nervous too. He’s really worried about Jisung, but he’s looking forward to spending more time with Jeongin. The tall man adds that he’ll be really happy to teach Chan how to dance next time. The older blushes but doesn’t say no. It’s good to give a try at what he can.

Hyunjin leaves with a few recommendations for movies when his siblings come home, bowing at them while Hannah eyes his hair and asks what he’s using to make his hair look so gorgeous. After some last talking, he really leaves with a wave and Chan feels relaxed, no more worried about his possible murder.

He doesn’t annoy his siblings since they have homework, and soon, his parents come back. He learns his parents had the press coming to their job. There’s only Hannah and Lucas who were spared from the incessant harassment.

Chan gets worried, even if his parents reassure him. How long will it take for the press to be bored out of them ?

He goes to sleep with this question, quickly forgotten when he receives a text to tell him Seungmin will be next.

He remembers Seungmin being smart and logical. He hasn’t done anything to really scare him, but he’s still unsure how it will go.

The cycle is easy to repeat. Wake up, shower, eat in the garden, and watch a movie. It’s almost like when he was back in the basement, if he doesn’t count the plus of going to the garden. This time he watches more YouTube videos, especially the vlog in other countries and loses track of time.

And again, he jolts up when the front door rings.

But Chan is ready this time, he goes to open the door and meets Seungmin who’s already smiling, “Hey hyung.”

Chan gives a tentative smile, “Hey, come in,” he’s less awkward than with Hyunjin now that he’s prepared and this time he’ll be a better host, because he hasn’t asked Hyunjin if he wanted to eat or drink something.

Seungmin excuses himself and comes in, a sport bag on his shoulder. He wonders if he comes back from working out. Like Hyunjin, he looks around with a nod as if he isn’t surprised by the decoration, “Pretty good here.”

That’s when he remembers Seungmin is in Architecture and Design, “Is it ?” they walk to the kitchen, Chan prepares some snacks.

“Yeah, it’s good to not be too modern, people usually go for all black and white, but using warmer color and older furniture gives a cozy look. It feels like people actually live here,” he explains, “it’s also good when there’s a mitch-match of color.”

Chan awes, he hasn’t thought of any of this, but now with the decoration of his bedroom being when he was four years old, he wonders if it isn’t time to change some things, “My room isn’t that good, maybe I should change a few things.”

Seungmin perks up, “Can I see your room ? I could help you with this.”

It brings a blush to his cheeks since usually in movies, it’s the crush coming to look around the room.

The younger quickly lifts his hands, “If you want, you don’t have to say yes either.”

Chan shakes his hands quickly, “No it’s— it’s fine, follow me,” they go upstairs and straight to his bedroom, with the older fidgeting for having someone other than his family, come into his room, “here.”

Seungmin steps in and looks around, “Okay, I get what you mean,” Chan nods, ears still pink, “it looks more like a child room than an adult one,” he trails, “first, we’ll need to change the wallpapers,” it’s a baby blue with planes on it, “maybe the bed, it seems tight for you,” he frowns, “and maybe some furniture too, your room is big enough for a desk, and you can get rid of your toys box if you want to.”

Seungmin turns to look at him with a smile, “If you ever decide to really change everything, I’ll be happy to go with you to the store and help you choose.”

Chan smiles more, shy all of a sudden, “Thank you, it— it means a lot.”

“Don’t worry, it’s fun for me too,” the younger adds, then holds up his hand.

Chan is startled but he grabs it, lets himself be dragged downstairs, “Uh right, do you— do you wanna eat or drink something ?”

Seungmin takes his forgotten bag, “I think water will be fine with what we’re going to do this afternoon,” he looks mischievous saying this.

Chan can’t help but narrow his eyes. “And what are we doing ?”

Seungmin goes to the window door, and opens it, letting a content sigh at the gentle breeze, “it’s good weather to play baseball.”

The older blinks dumbly, “Play baseball ?”

He yelps when Seungmin drags him outside, “Of course, you need to do a sport to not turn into an old man.”

Chan gapes in disbelief, “I’m not an old man ! And I work out when I can,” he hasn’t done it this week, and the past week either… okay, he really needs to start back.

Seungmin seems startled by his words, before he breaks into a bigger and wider grin, “Prove it, old man.”

He smiles at the challenge, “Sure, but don’t come crying when I win.”

Chan’s got a loose tongue, but nothing to back it up. He might have muscles but they mean nothing here, when he’s scared of being hit by the ball. He keeps jerking everytime the ball comes his way and ends up running away, even if Seungmin promises he wouldn’t hurt him through his annoying laughter.

Chan is humiliated. “How are you so good at throwing ?” he whines, taking the ball from the ground.

Seungmin smiles, “I used to play baseball when I was younger, it’s a hobby and a passion I have.”

Chan hums, contemplative, before he frowns determinedly and throws the ball, “That’s so cool.” 

Seungmin catches it without batting an eye, it’s infuriating, “What about you ?”

He pauses at his question.

His passion ?

“Maybe movies ?” he shrugs, suddenly gloomy, “I mean it’s the only thing I could do back then, with video gaming and working out,” he smiles, strained, “It was my favorite thing to do though. I kinda learned everything the actors and actresses would say. I’d act the scenes too.”

Seungmin looks stupefied, “Do you think of acting ?”

Chan pauses, “Acting ? As in becoming an— actor ?”

The younger hums, “Yeah, it’s good to try it out, don’t you think ? There’s a lot of courses where you learn to act, and you even get to play in front of a public.”

He hasn’t even thought of doing this. What if he takes some courses ?

But it’s scary.

He’s already out of his comfort zone, but going that far when he barely knows anything doesn’t seem right at the moment, “Maybe later ? When I’m not that behind.”

Seungmin softens, “Of course hyung, whenever you’re ready. Don’t forget you’re the one making choices, and no one can take it from you.”

Chan nods, now with more questions than answers. He thought he knew himself better than that, but no. He hasn’t asked himself enough questions to really know himself.

“Are you going to be home-schooled ?”

Chan hums, “Yeah, but not right now. They want me to get better with knowing the world, you know ?”

Seungmin smiles, and Chan can’t help but think he’s almost like the puppies he saw that one time at the dog café with Jeongin. “That’s great for you, don’t worry too much alright ? You’ll get better in no time.”

He smiles, more hopeful, “Yeah, I hope.”

Chan ends up losing their little throwing game, but he doesn’t mind at all. Later, he learns Minho is next and he asks Chan what he has in his kitchen in case he needs to bring some ingredients. Which means they’ll cook together tomorrow, just like that one time when he was in Hyunjin’s body, helping Minho around.

Before he threatened to kill him.

The guilt is instant.

Chan struggles to sleep that night, especially knowing he physically hurt him on his forearm where the names of the people he loves, used to be.

“Hey hyung,” Minho speaks, all nonchalant even if his eyes tell another story. He has a bag too.

Chan must not look too good because then he’s frowning, “Uh hi, come in,” he lets him in, but the older can’t stop thinking of what he did before.

Chan fidgets nervously, unable to meet his eyes anymore.

Minho doesn’t seem upset with him despite what he did before. Chan would have been upset at his place, he’s sure. So why isn’t he ?

“Chan hyung ? You alright ?” Minho’s tilting his head a bit to meet his eyes. Almost like a cat.

The older shuts his eyes tight, and blurts out, “I’m sorry, for— for that day when I— when I hurt your— your arm,” he’s bowing now, it’s easier because he doesn’t have to see Minho’s expression.

“Don’t bow, and you already apologized,” Minho scolds him gently, “don’t dwell on the past, it’s just gonna fill your head with what ifs. ” Chan looks up at him, “feel the present hyung, I’m here and I’m alive, Changbin doesn’t even have a bruise anymore.”

Chan isn’t convinced, “But I shouldn’t have done that. I was wrong,” he glances at Minho’s arm hidden under a sleeve, “and your arm…”

Minho softens, “You were scared. And when people are scared, they go in survival mode, which means, either, fight, flight or freeze,” he grins, almost like he’s proud, “good to know you’re a fight type, even if you’re kinda reckless,” he teases.

The older tilts his head, “Fight type ?”

The teacher hums, “Bin and I are also a fight type, when we feel in danger, we try to fight the danger, it’s not always the best idea. Sungie’s a freeze type, he completely freezes when he’s scared, not the best either,” he puts his hands on his hips, “Hyunjin’s more of a flight type. He bolts the second he sees a bug.”

Chan parts his lips, amazed at learning something so interesting, “I didn’t know that,” but he adds, “does it… does it still hurt ?”

Minho shakes his head, lifts his sleeve for the older to see the skin graft. It’s a bit different from his skin tone and Chan can tell the demarcation too.

But what he sees the most is how empty it is.

Chan brings his hand to his own arm. “I’m sorry—”

Minho tuts him, he’s really not upset at all, and even takes Chan’s scarred arm to place it next to his, “Like that, we’re the same.”

Chan’s skin hasn’t healed well compared to Minho’s. His is messy with scars while Minho’s soft at the touch. Maybe one day, he’ll treat it correctly. “And besides it doesn’t make me soulmate-less. I’ve got you and the others,” he smiles, gentle, “so don’t worry.”

The older still feels bad, brushes his finger on Minho’s skin, before sighing, “Alright.”

“Good,” Minho grins, and looks around, “Today, I’ll be your teacher,” when he finds the kitchen, he drags Chan with him, “for a cooking session.”

Chan lets himself be manhandled as Minho wraps an apron around him, “First, let’s wash our hands. We need to be clean to cook.” He listens and gets to work, Minho adds, “I’ve brought you a little gift.”

He pauses, eyebrows shooting up, “You did ? But why ? You didn’t have to.”

Minho waves him off, drying his hands on his apron, before pulling out a book from his bag, “And why not ?” he shrugs, Chan takes the book handed to see it’s a culinary book, “in case one day you want to cook something, this book’s got a lot of recipes from around the world.”

Chan opens it to a random page and finds a plate filled with grilled insects. He fakes gags and closes it back, “Oh my god, no thank you.”

It brings a giggle out of Minho, high and happy, “Don’t worry, there’s not a lot of weird recipes. But I’ll have to say insects got a lot of protein.”

He frowns, mildly disgusted, “You already ate some ?”

Minho gives him an ugly grin, “I did, it’s not that bad, like potato chips.”

Chan still shudders in disgust, “Please tell me we’re not cooking this.”

The younger snorts, “Nah, don’t worry,” then he smirks teasingly, “maybe another time,” he focuses, satisfied by Chan’s whine, “today we’re going to make meat pies. We’ll make for your family too. It's also a really long type of cooking. That’s why I came earlier than I should’ve,” he points his chin to the book, “look through the book for the recipe.”

After some long seconds he finds the recipe and sees it’s from Australia. “Oh, it’s from my hometown.”

Minho smiles, “Exactly, I think it’s good to know what they eat back there. Since it’s your second home.” he sets the utensils and the ingredients on the table, “hopefully you’ll go there with your family too.”

Chan looks at him, grateful and endeared. He could’ve showed him any other recipe, but he decided to show him a piece of his home, “Thank you Minho.”

Chan learns how to use some utensils and follows a recipe. It’s fun and they get all dirty though because Chan is clumsy, but that’s fine because Minho laughs. The longer part is waiting for it to cook since it’s taking hours, but during that time Minho speaks about himself. About his love for taking care of kids daily, about cooking and going on walks to climb places to end up sleeping under the stars. He tells Chan if he ever wants to see around, Minho will gladly show him the prettiest places.  He also explains how annoying it is to take care of those brats but now with Chan by his side, it’s gonna be easier. Chan finds it easy to see the love in his eyes for his friends and boyfriends even if he acts the opposite and in the end, he doesn’t say no to both of his propositions.

When the food’s ready, Chan is amazed by their skills. It’s well cooked and pretty and Minho takes a picture to show the others later. They eat a bit, Chan learns how to deal with how complicated it is with all the meat spilling out on his plate. There’s a bunch of different ways, but Minho explains his way of taking out the lid and eating the meat with a bit of sauce before attacking the rest. It helps from not burning his tongue. Chan ends up doing the same and the taste is rich in flavor, he loves it.

He’s also proud that it’s from his hometown in a way. He’ll make sure to learn more about his country by going through books and YouTube videos.

He keeps Minho’s gift in his room too and gets embarrassed by his parents and siblings showering him with compliments for his cooking.

Felix is going to be the next he sees in the text. Felix has been sweet and emotional. Always gentle in his way of trying to make him open up and understand, never judgemental. But he also remembers almost skinning himself off when he was in Felix’s body.

He’ll make sure to apologize tomorrow, and hopefully, it’s going to be a good day.

When he opens the door, Felix is grinning widely and embracing him in a hug. He’s startled at first, but hugs back, “Hi hyungie.”

“Hi Felix,” He replies, relaxing in his arms. He hadn't noticed it was something he was craving. A simple touch yet it brings so much joy and eases his worries.

They both pull away and Chan lets him come in, “I always wondered, but aren’t you all like in university ?” He can’t help asking. They’ve been coming everyday and Chan is sure they’re missing important stuff just for him.

It does something to his weak and fragile heart.

Felix goes in front of the TV and pulls a switch from their bag, “We are, but we don’t mind missing an afternoon if we get to spend time with you.”

Chan is still worried, coming out of the kitchen with snacks and drinks, “Are you sure ? Isn’t it like written in your uh… thingy contact book ?”

Felix giggles, “We don’t have those anymore,” they set the switch, “in uni, they don’t mind if you miss the lecture, but we have to be here for the tutorials, and luckily for me, it was just lectures this afternoon.”

Chan feels less bad, he puts the snacks and drinks on the table, “Oh, you brought your switch ?” Felix hums, handing him a controller, “what are we playing ?”

“I brought a lot of games, choose which one you want,” They place neatly all the video games on the table.

Chan gapes, “there’s so many ? I only had like… five games,” he takes one in hand and reads the description on the back, and does that for most of them.

Felix is patient and also looking at some, before together, they set aside those they don’t want to play. But one in particular picks his curiosity.

“What about that one ? Cuphead ?”

Felix gasps mutely, “Hyung, you’re not ready for that one,” they sigh dramatically, like they’re recalling all of their failed attempts, “in this one, we mostly fight bosses and they’re hardcore. ”

Chan smiles, “Sounds fun tho.”

The younger nods, taking the game to put it in the switch, “It is, and really rewarding too.”

They both sit back on the couch, but Felix makes sure to give Chan the first controller so he can control the pace of the story.

After the intro with the story from Cuphead and Mugman, they pass the tutorial with ease, and they’re both pumped with confidence.

Too much confidence.

“It’s the first level ?”

Felix hums, “Careful, and don’t forget to strike when it’s pink, we need those for our final mark.”

“What the hell, they’re coming too fast !”

“Oh fuck, don’t die don’t die—”

“Why can’t I even kill that one ? This isn’t fair—”

“Hyung, pink ! The pink !” Felix cheers when a slap echoes.

“Oh my god— I died…” he whines.

“You can use one of my lives to respawn,” Felix quickly shows him and Chan brightens up now that he’s back in the game.

But Felix immediately dies, and Chan too.

“What the hell is wrong with that game ?! Where even is the Boss ?”

Felix laughs, “The Boss is on another level, come on hyung, let’s keep trying.”

They end up trying more until they pass the level with a barely C- as mark but with every coin. They pass to the shop and buy themselves new weapons, before going for the Boss.

It’s three vegetables they are against. Each of them have a different way of fighting and Chan is getting more than frustrated for losing everytime.

But they don’t give up, eat snacks and drink like actual athletes in a championship. It’s fun and Felix yells encouragement to keep them going. The tension is palpable to the last second when they win against the last vegetable and celebrate as if they earned the golden medal.

But Felix has to add, “Actually, it’s the easiest Boss in the game.”

All Hell breaks loose.

“What do you mean the easiest ? I kept getting hit by those stupid carrots and the damn tears !” he makes a face, “Why did I keep jumping on them ?”

Felix laughs, loud and giddy, pulling Chan to sit back on the couch, “There, there, it’s okay,” they pat him on the head while Chan stares at them deadpan, “do you wanna try on my account ? I’ve got every Boss,” they say proudly.

Chan groans as he slumps on the couch, “Let me die.”

The younger pulls Mario Kart, “Wanna play that one instead ?”

The older hastily nods, “Yes please.”

Like the crazy men they are, they decide to play the whole set of races. Chan whines when the new races appear, how it isn’t fair since he doesn’t know them, while Felix makes fun of him just to egg him on. But every race is pretty, Chan adores the one in Sydney and he’s more about appreciating the views than really trying to win. His siblings come home on their last four set of races and cheer for them like they’ve known Felix forever. Felix, of course, wins in the end. Chan pouts but laughs when Felix acts so happy, jumping around and shaking him like they’re in the same team.

They are in a way.

They both work together to put away every game in Felix’s bag along with his switch. They’re just getting ready to leave when Chan catches their hand.

Because Chan hasn’t apologized yet, and he’d like to do it now. “Can you come with me ?” Felix is confused, but listens, puts down their bag at the entrance.

Once upstairs and after closing the door, the nerves are back to sizzle at his heart. Felix looks around the room, oblivious. “It was your bedroom when you were young ?”

He hums, “Yeah, I’m thinking of changing a few things, maybe with Seungmin.”

Felix looks at him with shining eyes for some reason. He look so… hopeful, “So cool ! You need to send us some pics when you’ll start.”

Chan blinks, “Uh yeah, okay,” he rubs his earlobe before hawking his throat, “You know today was amazing,” Felix nods in agreement with a dopey smile, “but I uh… I wanted to apologize about something I— I did. Before.”

The younger pauses but looks back at him, all ears even if they’re worried, “Yeah ?”

“When I was in your body, I uh,” he rubs his nape, looks down, “I kinda tried to— to skin you off ?” he finishes with an awkward smile.

Felix blanks, “Uh, you tried what ?”

Chan shuts his eyes at how embarrassed and ashamed he is, “I was scared and— and Minho told me I was more of a fight type in survival ? Kinda ? But yeah, I threatened to kill you but— but I didn’t in the end—” he laughs awkwardly, wants to bury himself in his bed, “Seungmin stopped me before I—”

“Chan hyung,” Felix cuts him gently, hands on his shoulders. Chan forces himself to look up, “it’s fine, thank you for telling me, it must’ve been hard to do that.”

His shoulders sag in relief, nodding his head, “I’m still sorry for doing this.”

“And you’re forgiven hyung, I’m fine, and you’re fine,” they answer with a kind smile, “that’s all that matters.”

Chan smiles a bit, but he can tell something is in Felix’s mind because they’re making a difficult expression. “You— you know I wouldn’t do that anymore, right ?” he feels like he needs to reassure, but Felix shakes their head.

“It’s not about you, but about me,” they sigh, but look back at Chan, “I need to apologize about something too.”

Chan pauses. This is a first.

“But I need you to know I’ll understand if you get mad at me.”

He frowns now, he doesn’t like where this is going.

Felix opens their mouth and speaks.

The more they speak, the more Chan’s expression morphs to shock, mixes with anger, and bitterness, mixes with sadness. But overall Chan isn’t sure how to react.

Felix has been kissed by his boyfriend— his ex, Youngsoo.

“I’m really sorry Chan, I don’t know how it happened, and I regret letting it happen,” Felix speaks sadly, “I think he didn’t know it was me at that time, and I— I just—”

Chan shakes his head, makes Felix close their mouth with big sad eyes. He can’t look at Felix right now, he steps back, “Can you leave my house ? Please.”

He doesn’t see Felix’s eyes fill with tears, but he hears the first sniffle. “Of course,” their voice is choked, Chan sees their feet going to the door, “I’m sorry.”

He sees them leave and close the door. His hands are shaking, his heart’s beating out of his chest, the words echo in his mind over and over again like a never-ending lullaby.

He feels cheated on.

How could they do that ? When they knew how much he loved him ? But they weren’t the one initiating it, Youngsoo did.

And besides, Felix was in his body, does it really count as cheating then ? He isn’t sure.

But it still stirs something ugly in his chest. Ugly enough that he doesn’t answer any of their texts. If someone decides to come tomorrow, he’ll not open the door this time.

But after hours, he can’t sleep.

Something trudges in his head, something that doesn’t make sense. Because, if he remembers correctly, Youngsoo knew. He knew it wasn’t him back then.

“Chris, baby, I love you, not those murderers.”

He knew and yet he kissed Felix.

It hurts to know this. To know everything was all a plan. To the point he’s even doubting if he ever loved him. Youngsoo did this without even feeling guilty while Chan has been drowning in it when he dared to doubt Youngsoo.

Chan wants to cry.

Why is he still so attached to him ? After everything that happened ? Why is it so hard to fall out of love ?

Why can’t he do it yet ?

His eyes burn and he sniffles, letting his tears soak his pillow.

Chan can’t be mad at Felix when all they did was try to save him from that man. It’s to Youngsoo he should be mad.

He’s sure Felix isn’t sleeping too.

It’s sudden, but he takes his phone and calls.

“Hello ?”

Chan can’t help the sob leaving his lips at Felix’s quivery voice, “I’m sorry Felix, I shouldn’t have been mad at you, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Felix is sniffling too, his voice is hoarse, “No hyung, it’s alright, I understand, you still love him, right ?”

It’s a reality Chan keeps facing each day. He still loves him, and he still gets hurt in the process. Over and over again.

“I do,” he confesses, his voice cracks, his expression scrunches sadly, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay hyung, I understand, we all do.” Felix comforts, “was he good to you ?”

He was. It’s something Chan can’t lie about, also because he still loves him. But Youngsoo treated him well.

“Yeah, he was kind and caring, he never forced me to do anything,” He trails, but saying all of this only makes him want to cry harder, why did you have to be like this ? Why couldn’t you make it easier by being awful to me ? “I’m sorry,” he sobs, “I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this when you’re my soulmate and— and you’re waiting for me.”

“Hyung, hyung please,” Felix’s voice is urgent, “never apologize about opening up, and never apologize for being in love. If you want to tell me everything about him, you can, I’ll always be here to listen.” Chan shuts his eyes tight, curling on himself, “it must be hard, right ? To have no one to talk about this and no one to listen to you. But I’m here, I’ll be your outlet, pour everything on me, please hyung. You’re not alone.”

He never thought of talking about Youngsoo before. Because his family gets upset on the subject. He’s not supposed to talk nicely about a bad guy, he’s a bad guy for a reason. The only time he did talk was to Changbin for the case. And Chan has kept everything to himself after.

So to hear someone is willing to listen to him about his ex, makes him burst out crying. He cries and hiccups, sniffles and blows his nose, but he talks.

And Felix listens.

He talks about how Youngsoo taught him to read, to write. The first time he received a gift, the first time he celebrated his birthday. The time he was scared by the noise outside, and ended up cuddling with Youngsoo. He talks about his rebellious phase when he keeps getting into arguments with Youngsoo. But Youngsoo would never yell at him which was frustrating back then. He talks about when he developed a crush on him, about him confessing with flushed cheeks and a love letter because he was too nervous. About how Youngsoo hugged him and praised him but told him he’d prefer waiting for when he was an adult. He talks about how kind Youngsoo was, and understanding who never took advantage of Chan’s crush.

He tells him about when Youngsoo asks him out, finally, about their first kiss. He tells him about his first time, so nice and comfortable with no pain. About showering together, watching movies, playing games, working out. And all the night cuddled together to talk and whisper love.

He confesses about everything that happened on the boat and how it broke his heart and it makes him wail louder. He finishes then, and he’s just so tired all of a sudden.

Felix’s voice, deep and rumbly, is soothing, “I am really glad he took such good care of you, it’s a relief, we were all scared he hurt you. But I’m happy to learn he was so nice. I can understand why you fell in love with him.”

Chan can’t keep his eyes open, but another weight, a heavy one falls from his shoulders, “Thank you, for being so understanding, I really needed that.”

“No worries hyung, we’re always there for you.”

The next day, Chan is tired. He sleeps more, starts his day slowly and the sadness hasn’t gone away too. Youngsoo’s picture is coming stronger than ever now. And Chan doesn’t have in him to get rid of his image in his head.

It’s the last thing he has about him.

He only drinks a cup of tea and lays on the couch, putting a random movie on while he thinks of Youngsoo.

He’s really falling back on bad habits. He was supposed to stop thinking of Youngsoo, but now he’s gotten worse at it. He’s so heavy with feelings now, with memories playing back like dominos falling one after the other.

Can he really make it through ? When he feels like his world’s falling apart ?

A ring echoes.

Chan sighs and closes his eyes.

“Chanie hyung ! I know you’re here, it’s Changbin !” the man yells, voice booming loudly, Chan is worried the neighbors will come, “I’m here to see if you’re alright ! Are you alright ?”

He groans and stands up, going slowly to the door. When he opens it, Changbin looks ready to knock again.

They look at each other, clearly assessing. Changbin isn’t wearing his uniform, which is kinda weird. He’s too used to it even if he didn’t wear it when Chan was in their bodies. The man softens incredibly fast, “Lixie told me you had a lot on your mind about your boyfriend ?”

“My ex,” Chan corrects blankly.

Changbin winces, “Right, your— your ex, do you wanna talk about it ?” Chan steps aside, the policeman enters with a slight bow.

The older goes to his couch, lets himself slump on it, “I told Felix everything, I just wanna think of something else.”

Changbin seems unsure, looking around in hope to find something, before he settles for something else.

“What about taking some fresh air ?”

It makes him perk up, looking at the smaller man, “You mean like going outside ?” When he earns a nod and a smile, he frowns, “but isn’t it dangerous ? With the press ?”

Changbin grins, showing him his badge hidden on his belt, “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.”

It’s the type of sentence Chan only hears in movies, usually always to the woman lead. But to hear it, for him does something to his heart. It’s surprising how much of a romantic he is even now. And being the damsel in distress is not so bad sometimes. He really likes the attention even if he shies from it too.

He turns pink, and looks away, timid, “Uh, okay,” he stands up, “I’ll just change myself then.” Changbin nods and waits for him while he walks upstairs, “Help yourself, if you want to eat something.”

The younger splutters, “I can’t do that, and— and beside, we might go to a café if you want.”

Chan stops and looks at him, “You’re not sure— you didn’t prepare anything ?”

Changbin flushes, embarrassed, “Uh, I like going with the feeling ?”

The older laughs, “Weirdly, I’m not surprised,” and disappears in his room, snickering when the younger only whine in faux offence.

It’s a warm day today, he only wears a white shirt and a black shorts, and goes back downstairs. He sits down to wear his shoes, but he’s surprised when Changbin puts a cap on top of his head.

“Don’t want you to have a sunstroke,” Changbin answers, “don’t you get sunburn too easily too ?”

Chan pouts, “But I like the sun.”

“Alright fine, but don’t complain if you have sunburn.”

He beams and doesn’t see how Changbin’s cheeks burn, “I’m ready.”

“Uh— alright, let’s go.”

Chan used to feel overwhelmed in crowded places, but he’s gotten better now. He’s gone a few times outside with his siblings, and his parents, either to accustomate or to go grocery shopping. But it’s easier, especially when Changbin’s hand is warm against his lower back. It’s a gentle reminder of his presence, of his words.

“So, how’s been going at home ?” Changbin asks while they stroll through the city.

Chan smiles, knowing what he’s implying, “Right, I didn’t tell you, but it’s gotten better, we’re all making efforts at being open, and I think it’s working.”

Changbin smiles, proud in a way, “Great, I’m glad to hear that, what about going out ? Still difficult to do so ?”

He makes a grimace, “It’s easier when someone’s with me, I don’t think I can go out alone yet.”

“And that’s fine, you can always ask your family or us, we don’t mind—” Changbin reminds gently while Chan’s eyes set on a cute café and promptly grabs him by his wrist to drag him there. Changbin yelps as he almost stumbles, “— warn me before you start dashing,” he whines.

Chan smiles in awe, “Look how cute it is,” he can’t help gushing at the cute decorations on the different foods. A foamy kitty in a coffee, a little character drawn on an omelette and many more. Then he looks back at Changbin, “Can we go in ?”

He doesn’t seem to know his eyes hold a power of adorableness. Changbin can only give in, “Sure, let’s go.”

He holds the door for him and Chan’s eyes brightens more, taking a deep breath of the warm bread cooking and the rich perfumes of food. Changbin looks at the different menus while they wait at the line, “What do you wanna try ?”

Chan looks up, “Uh, I’m not sure, but I wanna try a bubble tea with maybe… the fruity pancake ?”

“Do you wanna try speaking to the—” He cuts himself when Chan quickly shakes his head, all of a sudden nervous. Changbin snorts, but doesn’t push, “— alright, I’ll talk.”

They soon come to the front, and Chan looks down in nervousness. He’s never been good at speaking in public places. So he hides himself with his cap, and ushers a quick answer when Changbin asks him to choose something he’d like to have.

He glances at the younger pulling out his bank card to press it on the card reader. Chan has a bank card too, but he’s afraid of using it. He feels like he’ll make a mistake and lose all the money his parents put in. It’s a stupid fear, but he can’t help it. And besides he wants to keep the money for later too.

But having his soulmates buy him everything doesn’t settle well on his stomach either.

Maybe he should find a job.

“Let’s go sit hyung,” Changbin presses his hand on his back, wakes him out of his thoughts. Chan follows silently.

He doesn’t notice the few looks he gets when people see his scarred forearm. Simply because he can’t meet people’s eyes either or he’ll start to overthink and freak out.

They sit on comfortable pink pastel chairs and Chan awes at the big Sakura tree going from a corner up for its branches to take the whole ceiling. It’s intertwined with garland lights dangling down.

“Wow, it’s so pretty here,” He whispers, mesmerized.

He doesn’t see Changbin’s gaze on him, he adds in a whisper, “Yeah, it is,” then he hawks his throat as if waking himself out of his daze, “uh, do you wanna take pics ? You’re allowed to.”

Chan’s cheeks turn crimson, looking away from the view, “Isn’t it weird ? And there’s people around,” he whispers with a wince, “what if they think I’m taking pictures of them ?” then he shakes his head, “it’s fine, I prefer not anyway,” he looks out the window instead.

But Changbin takes out his phone to take a pic of the tree without a care, before he changes his subject to Chan, “Hyung,” he calls just for Chan to look at him before taking another pic.

Chan squeaks, “What are you doing ?” Changbin only grins and sends the two pictures in their chatroom.

“Look at the chatroom hyung, and relax.”

He does so, and finds the two pics. He decides to send them to his family, adding the fact he isn’t alone but with Changbin.

He looks back at the younger, shy but grateful, “Thank you.”

Changbin beams, “No worries hyung, just don’t overthink too much, alright ? No one really cares about this.”

He nods timidly just as their food arrives. Chan gets his mango bubble tea with his pancake full of fruits along with custard. Changbin gets an iced americano with scooples of ice cream, vanilla, chocolate and strawberries.

As if instinctual, they share their desserts. Chan brings his plate closer and takes a spoon of Changbin’s. The taste is incredibly sweet and he can’t help shaking his fist excitedly, “It’s so good.”

The policeman smiles more, “Your pancake is incredible too,” but then something catches his eyes and he brings his hand up.

Chan’s frozen when Changbin’s thumb brushes the corner of his mouth. His whole face combusts just as the younger wipes something off his skin.

Changbin doesn’t seem to care about the action, oblivious, “Sorry, you had some leftover custard.”

He doesn’t seem to have an ulterior motive, but Chan can’t help asking with a stutter, “Is— is it how you’re trying to— to woo me ?”

Changbin splutters, face heating up, “Woo you ? No ! I mean I’m not against it,” Chan blushes more, Changbin shakes his head quickly to replace his thoughts, “I mean— I just— you just had something on your cheek,” he’s blabbering in panic now, “I just wanted to help and— and that’s all. I wanna be friends first and besides, you’re the one who decides in the end.”

Chan looks down at his half eaten pancake. Changbin is still waiting for him to say something while holding his breath in anticipation.

“It’s just,” he sighs, ears flushed, hiding his face more under his cap, “you keep doing those things…”

Changbin relaxes his shoulders, “Those things ?”

The older hums, “You know… those cliché things, I’ll protect you, or you have something on your cheek,” he mimics, before hiding his burning face in his hands, “and it’s always like this in romantic movies. The woman lead gets uh… a crush in the end.” He peeps through his fingers to find Changbin with parted lips, “I thought you were trying these on me… to get me to like you faster.”

“Oh.”

Chan frowns, pulls his hands away, Changbin looks stunned ? “You… you weren’t ?”

The younger shakes his head, “I… I wasn’t,” then he leans closer, almost to pry on him, but with curiosity, “but do you like it ?”

Chan thinks he’ll never stop blushing like an idiot. But he’s not a good liar either. He still looks away to keep a sort of bravado. Hyunjin’s words echo in his head, communication is key, “I… I do.”

“Cute.”

He thinks he can’t take more, so he musters, “This— this isn’t a date, don’t forget that,” he sips on his bubble tea and looks away with a sort of pout.

But it does look like one.

“It could be one if you want to,” Changbin tries gently, taking a sip of his iced americano.

It’s a gentle coaxing, but Chan shakes his head vehemently, “It can’t, I barely know anything, and I need to get better first, I’m so behind on everything, and I can’t just—”

“Hey,” He cuts him gently, eyes kind, “it’s okay, go at your pace, we’ll still be there by your side, I’m sorry for being greedy.”

His shoulders sag, “Yeah okay, thank you and it’s— it’s fine, I get why you’re impatient like this.”

The young policeman flushes for being called out, but doesn’t rebut anything. “Let’s just finish eating, alright ? And then I’ll walk you home.”

Chan nods with a small smile.

They spend the rest of the afternoon chatting about everything. Changbin tells him he loves working out and would like to do a few sessions together. Chan is intrigued by it and accepts while they leave the café. He finds out Changbin met Minho five years ago in a random library in contrast with Hyunjin and Jisung who he met three and a half years ago for a public fight he had to stop. This is incredible how the world is small and with what Hyunjin told him, it can’t possibly be a lie.

Changbin does tell him he finds out who leaked his picture, it’s a policeman who has a journalist as a wife and the man told her everything to help. He explains they can’t control the press, but they should leave him alone soon enough and to just refuse to talk if he wants to. Chan does get curious about his job and asks what’s the worst he had to take care of. Changbin eyes him for long seconds, before he’s answering with a soft you.

Chan pauses, his expression morphing to a downturn smile.

Changbin is still kind, “I don’t want to lie to you about this, but yeah, your case was the most stressing one,” he answers truthfully, Chan doesn’t like that, “I got shot before, beaten by some asshole, threatened a bunch of times, saw a lot of horrible things, but you know why yours was the most hard to take care of ?”

The older shakes his head slowly.

“Because I was scared,” he confesses, Chan parts his lips in surprise, “scared of losing you, scared you’d leave for good and I would never feel complete, never feel like me.” He takes Chan’s hand gently, smiles at him, “I’m really happy you’re here with us, and I’m honored that you’re giving us your trust,” he adds, “we’ll make sure to prove ourselves to you over and over again. As long as you want, as long as we live.”

The touch is warm and Chan is momentarily at loss, flabbergasted by his words and overwhelmed in a good way by the sheer amount of love they have for him. When his hand is pulled a bit, he goes with it willingly and gets engulfed in a warm embrace.

Chan flutters his eyes shut, and hugs him back, feels the warmth of another being, not anyone, but his soulmate.

“I’m sorry for punching you before.”

It breaks the warm and gentle atmosphere with Changbin’s giggles, “It’s fine, I deserved that one,” he replies with a snort, “I was greedy and desperate.”

They both pull away, Chan adds, softer, and more mature in a way, “But I understand why, thank you for… for saving me back then. I wouldn’t be here without you, and all the others.”

This time Changbin is the one blushing, but his smile is fonder, “No worries hyung, we’ll do it all over again in a heartbeat.”

Changbin brings him home safely and tells him the next one coming to his home is Jeongin. Chan can’t help the excitement at hearing this, because Jeongin has always had a special place in his heart. He’s been the most caring and never forced the topic on him.

He’s the one who showed him the good side of the world and made him meet the sun.

Changbin leaves with a wave and Chan is left with his thoughts.

He doesn’t notice, but he hasn’t thought of Youngsoo all afternoon.

Chan is a bit nervous. He wants everything to be perfect for the youngest, the one who’s been the kindest to him. He wants to give it back for everything. And besides he can’t say the opposite, Jeongin is cute.

Oh god, he feels like he’s a teenager all over again, ushering over things for nothing and getting anxious at having Jeongin come into his home.

It’s like he has a crush or something.

Chan blanks.

Then starts to freak out. Because he can’t have a crush when they barely know each other ! Yes, Jeongin is incredibly kind. Yes, he showed him the good side of a lot of things. Yes, he’s the one who never pushed about how conditioned he was. And yes, his smile is cute.

But no ! He can’t have a crush ! This isn’t a crush, he’s sure. He’s just worried and wants to make a good impression.

Yeah, that’s it.

He’s nervous because he made a lot of mistakes before. But now, he’ll try to make everything better.

He relaxes and exhales a deep breath.

Calm down, everything will go well.

And shrieks when the bell rings.

He quickly goes to the door and opens wide, blinding himself with Jeongin’s toothy smile.

“Good afternoon Chanie hyung.”

The last time someone called him Chanie was when he woke up in Seungmin’s body at the hospital.

It does something to his stupid brain, spreads to his cheeks and ears, “Morning Jeongin—” he swallows thickly, “— Jeonginie.”

Jeongin breaks into a wider grin, “You can call me Inie too, I don’t mind.”

Chan licks his lips, tries the name on his tongue, “Okay, Inie,” it’s like honey and it makes him want more for some reason. Then he remembers Jeongin’s still at the door, and quickly moves away, “come in.”

It’s only now he notices the five bags in his hands, and a small camera bag around his neck, “Do you need some help ? What exactly did you bring ?” He asks as he takes a few bags to settle them on the couch while Jeongin takes off his shoes.

“I need a muse for a project at my uni,” he trails and straightens up, looking directly at Chan, “will you be my muse ?”

The older frowns in confusion, “A muse ? What’s that ?”

Jeongin slips out his bag, and unzips it to reveal a camera. He smiles, “I want to take pictures of you.”

Chan gapes, cheeks heating up, “Me ? Are you— are you sure about that ? Isn’t it better if you ask your— your boyfriends ?”

Jeongin puckers his lips, looks him up and down, “I’ve already had them for past projects, I want you this time. I’m sure you’ll inspire me. But you can say no too.”

I want you. You’ll inspire me.

The poor man’s heart is beating too hard in his chest. It’s been long before he felt this nervous around someone. His hands are clammy too, “Okay,” he answers, “but I’m— I’m not good at posing.”

“That’s why I’m here of course,” he goes to take one of the bags to unload everything on the couch, Chan gapes to find dozens of clothes, colorful and pretty. “We’re going to try a few clothes on you first, and I’ll show you some poses you can take.”

He doesn’t know what he’s gotten himself into, but at the same time, he’s excited. It’s going to be fun, “What’s the theme ? Or the project ?”

Jeongin hands him a black pleated skirt, “Genderfluid.”

He frowns, but takes it, “Genderfluid ? Wait, that’s a skirt, I can’t wear that.”

The photographer tilts his head, “Why not ?”

Chan puts it back on the couch, looks at him like it’s common sense, “Because those are girls’ clothes, and I’m a man.”

Jeongin cocks an eyebrow, but softens, “Did you know there’s a lot of countries where men wear long dresses called thobe ? For them, it’s traditional clothing they also wear to pray,” he shows him his phone where Chan can see pictures, “what do you think ?”

Chan frowns, “Sure, but it’s different than this,” he points to the black skirt.

“It’s not really, clothes are clothes, they are genderless, anyone can wear what they want,” he explains, Chan pouts, “with clothes you can show who you are, let them know you like this and that. It’s a part of our identity,” he adds gently, “and if we start restraining ourselves because we think it’s for women, or men, then we’ll never be who we really are.”

“But it’s still weird,” Chan retorts weakly.

Jeongin hums, “I get why you think that,” then he smiles, before looking around for some particular clothes, “then let me show you how clothes are genderless,” he takes the skirt and smiles, “where can I change ?”

Chan blinks, “You— you’re gonna change ?” Jeongin nods and with how deterred he is, Chan shows him his bedroom and watches him go upstairs. The door clicks softly.

This is… surprising. He hasn’t thought of clothes being for everyone regardless of gender. For him, it’s always been logical for women to wear women’s clothes and men to wear men’s clothes. But with Jeongin being so adamant on the topic, maybe he should try it ?

He goes back to look through the mess of clothes and finds another skirt, a flat pleated one but longer. It’s also black.

He’ll show his choice to Jeongin when he comes back. And come back he does, Chan looks up to him from the stairs and he’s blown away.

Jeongin is smiling, showing cute dimples. He has a white crop top with black drawing on them on top of another white long sleeve shirt tucked under his belt. The black skirt is stopping just up his knees and he’s wearing white long socks bundled at his calves.

“What do you think ? Do you still find it weird ?” Jeongin asks and strikes a pose, clearly unashamed.

“Oh wow, I didn’t think you could pull that off,” He answers, but the more he looks, the more it seems… beautiful.

Jeongin huffs a cheshire smile, “I’m an expert, you should see Hyunjinie hyung in them, he’s really pretty,” he says, “Lixie hyung likes wearing makeup and Changbin hyung likes pink,” he shrugs, “really hyung, these are all genderless.”

Okay, maybe he’s close minded and clearly there’s more to know about this whole topic. Chan is a bit ashamed about all of this, “Sorry.”

But Jeongin is soft for him, he thinks, “It’s fine, I’m glad you’re up for some mind opening experience. Your view of the world will change for the best,” his eyes lock with the garment he’s holding, “oh, I see you found another skirt,” Chan blushes, “wanna try it ?”

He nods, timidly and Jeongin smiles, before looking through the pile of clothes. Chan watches him, “We’ll go all black for that one,” he throws the clothes to Chan who catches them with a bit of struggle and he’s surprised to find a pair of shoes too, “That should be good, now go change yourself.”

Chan listens and goes upstairs to his bedroom, placing the clothes on his bed. He takes off his clothes, clearly anticipating the moment. He wears first the black buttoned shirt, then the skirt and makes sure to tuck his shirt under. After that he wears the black bomber, a pair of black socks and black shoes, and holds on to the small baguette bag before exhaling a deep breath.

His heart hasn’t stopped beating hard and he thinks it’s because he’s nervous and can’t see himself. What if he looks ugly ? Or it just doesn’t suit him ? What if he makes a fool out of himself ?

Jeongin looks good but he’s an expert, and Chan is just… Chan.

He takes a deep breath to calm himself, before exiting his bedroom.

“Don’t— don’t make fun of me, please,” He whines because the nerves are going to split with nervousness.

“I’ll never hyung.”

So he goes downstairs, but can’t look in Jeongin’s eyes. He’s clearly being gauged by the younger, he feels his gaze burn him from up then down.

“It doesn’t look good, does it ?” He complains, he should’ve known it wouldn’t suit him. It’s better on women than on him. He’s too bulky for those types of feminine and soft looks.

“You look amazing,” Jeongin’s voice is way too close and Chan makes a noise when he finds him really close, “but take off the bomber, I think it’s better if you don’t really wear it.”

Chan does as asked, and Jeongin places the bomber around his shoulders, then adjusts his bangs. He steps back to look at him and seems satisfied with how his eyes curl with his smile, “Perfect hyung, you’re perfect like this.”

Chan squeaks when Jeongin points his camera to him, hoping, begging his face isn’t flushed. He tries to take a pose but he’s just stiff and awkward and he must look like an idiot —

“Hyung, tilt your head on the side a bit,” Jeongin instructs from behind his camera, Chan obeys, “hold the bag with one hand, just like this.”

The clicks start and Chan blinks at the flashes blinding him, but tries to stay in character. “Now put one hand in your pocket and keep your head straight.”

Chan swallows thickly but does so. It must be alright if Jeongin hasn’t really complained, right ?

Jeongin stops and does something to his camera, “Hyung, come look,” he tells him, Chan comes closer and peeks at the screen.

He’s completely surprised at the picture. He doesn’t look horrible. He’s not too stiff or weird.

Actually, he looks good.

Maybe wearing a skirt isn’t so bad.

Jeongin bumps his shoulder with him, “So, what do you think ? Seeing yourself in a new light ?”

It’s Jeongin’s job after all, how can the picture ever be bad when it’s him behind the camera ?

“Yeah, completely,” it brings a shot of confidence even if he’s shy in front of a camera and his heart eases with Jeongin’s instruction.

They resume but with new clothes this time. Chan ends up in only a greyish jacket and a few pieces of jewelry such as a necklace, earrings and rings. It’s embarrassing since Chan’s showing his chest and abdomen, but Jeongin is there to reassure him, especially since he looks good. He even has to wear a jean jacket in reverse to show his back muscles with two necklaces dipping behind. The pictures come out pretty thankfully and Jeongin’s sweet praises make him combust easily. They have fun with makeup Chan steals from his sister and Jeongin ends up doing his nails too, painting them black.

It’s a new look on him, one Chan hasn’t thought of. But now, looking at himself through the mirror, he thinks it’s good. He tries beanie and caps, strikes poses just like Jeongin tells him too and he’s having fun. He sits on the couch, moves his hands, makes random weird dance moves for the clothes to go with the flow.

He’s having so much fun.

Jeongin asks him if he can send them to the others and Chan is proud of himself when he says yes. He wants to know what they think about him.

They make a last shooting with him in a black crop top and then end with a white corset. He almost chokes when Jeongin closes it too tightly and they laugh before deciding to take pictures together for the end of the day. It’s mostly selfies they do, but Chan likes it and Jeongin makes sure to send it again.

In between times, the others have answered with various degrees of shock and praises. It’s hard to contain his smile, but at the same time, he shouldn’t try to hide it. They are his soulmates and it’s okay to be open about his feelings too.

They start putting away the clothes in the different bags when Jeongin speaks.

“It’s been fun today, you’re a really good muse, almost a natural.”

Chan flushes, but smiles, “Thank you, and yeah it was so fun, I won’t mind doing it again if you want.”

Jeongin matches his smile, before softer and gentler he adds, “There’s only one more person for you to see for the week to be complete.”

Chan pauses to think who it can be, when it hits him.

There’s only Jisung left.

The dread icing his veins makes his heart drop down, “Oh.”

Jeongin sees right through him, “I’ve known him for some years now, you know,” he trails, puts another piece of clothing in a bag, “he’s anxious outside, gets worried about people’s eyes, he doesn’t like bringing attention to himself either.”

Chan frowns, he doesn’t know where he’s trying to go, “but he’s sweet for his friends, and boyfriends. He’ll do anything to protect those he loves, you know ?”

But Jisung threatened him. It’s hard to forget something like this. He knows he hasn’t been better than him when he punched Changbin, threatened Minho and Felix… but this is different.

He was alone against seven other men ! He thought he was going to die !

He’s sure Jisung didn’t think that when he threatened to punch him. Though he did say that because Chan said Minho deserved to be hurt so…

He crosses his arms and puckers his lips, unsure. Okay, maybe he’s being defensive about all of this, but he can’t help it. Jisung scares him.

“Believe me hyung, when I say he wouldn’t hurt you,” Jeongin tells him, “he’s kinder and gentler than you think, he also likes making everyone around him laugh,” he smiles like he’s reminiscing a memory, “he’s going to be awkward tomorrow, but I’m sure he’ll try his best to make you feel at ease,” then he comes closer to whisper like a secret, “he told me it was his goal, to make you laugh.”

Chan parts his lips.

His goal is to make me laugh ?

“Give him a chance hyung, you’re not going to regret this, promise.”

Chan can’t really retort anything when Jeongin is looking at him with those boba eyes full of hope, so he begrudgingly nods. Smiles when he earns another dimpled one.

Hopefully everything will go well tomorrow.

When Jeongin leaves, he does so while still wearing the pretty skirt. Chan worries about what the passersby can say but Jeongin reassure him he doesn’t give a fuck about anyone’s words but him, his boyfriends and friends. If he did give a fuck about everyone, he wouldn’t be who he is today.

Chan wishes he can be like him someday.

His siblings come back a few minutes later. Hannah shoots him a look before she’s asking in the most deadpan look ever if he’s used her makeup today. Chan doesn’t lie, just smiles. And ends up getting chased down the whole house until he begs for mercy. Lucas just laughs and films because it’s too fun to miss on some blackmail material and Hannah has to teach him how to get rid of the makeup.

But Chan stops her before she can get rid of his black painted nails. He wants to keep them like this, until the paint cracks and falls.

Maybe Chan will fall harder.

He goes to bed with a smile though it’s quickly washed away with anxiousness.

He really hopes tomorrow will go well, because he doesn’t know what he will do otherwise.

Trust your soulmates, they say, but it’s easier said than done.

He’ll just try his best.

Waiting for Jisung to knock is horribly difficult because it gives time to his brain to come up with worst case scenarios. But Jisung wouldn’t hurt him, right ? All the others like him, so he can’t possibly think of hurting him. Even if Jisung or he decides not to date, it hopefully will not go worse from there.

Then what’s the worst that can happen ?

Chan gulps. He can get harassed, get threatened, spread rumors, and what if no one believes him ? What if all of his soulmates takes Jisung’s side ? They survived well without him and missing one soulmate wouldn’t change their dynamics either.

He’s not important. Not in their lives.

Then where does he really belong if not by their side ? Does he even belong somewhere ?

He’s not sure anymore.

The ringing skyrockets his heartbeat. It’s like doom is at his door, ready to step in and bring chaos.

But he can’t wait until Jisung leaves because then, he’ll disappoint all of the others.

He exhales shakily and goes to open the door.

Jisung is there.

He’s his height, equally nervous, wide eyed and full cheeks. But he tries to smile. “Hey Chan hyung.”

Chan swallows, “Hi,” he answers back, moves out of the door to let the younger enter in, doesn’t listen to his fear telling him to slam the door on his face.

“Thank you,” he gives a slight bow and steps in. Like all the others, he looks around and hums in wonder. “Your home’s cool.”

Chan cringes, he doesn’t know what to say to him, and he thinks maybe, he really doesn’t like him, “Thank you, do you— do you wanna eat something ? Or drink ?”

He goes to the kitchen, Jisung follows him, “Uh, yeah ? Anything you have will be fine.”

So Chan takes the first snacks in the drawer which are cookies and puts them on a plate. Jisung watches him all along, nervous and fidgety like he doesn’t know what to say while Chan pours pineapple juice in two glasses.

The silence is heavy.

He hates that, but he feels like talking is just going to make them more awkward.

“Wait, let me help,” Jisung speaks and goes to take the glasses from Chan’s hands.

When their fingers brush, Chan feels burnt.

He lets go of the glasses and Jisung is too startled that they slip from his hands to crash on the floor, pieces of glasses scattering around the kitchen floor while juice splashes on their socks.

They’re both frozen, but the weird tension breaks with it.

“Damn sorry— uh, wait I’ll clean it, don’t move !” Jisung says, looking frantically around to find a broom and lights up when he does.

He’s careful at stepping where there aren't any glasses, but Chan finally comes back to himself, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to let them go,” he speaks and takes the sponge to dry the spilled juice.

“No, it’s fine ! But don’t touch the piece of glasses, I have that handled !” He comes quickly with the broom and a dustpan, but Chan stops him with a frown from where he’s crouched.

“No wait, you’re gonna get the broom all wet, I need to dry first.”

Jisung doesn’t seem to agree, “It’s just a broom hyung, we can clean it after, I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“I’m not a child Jisung,” he hisses and surprises himself with the anger barely hiding behind his words.

Jisung falters, but doesn’t stop him, “You don’t have to be a child to hurt yourself,” he replies weakly, “Inie and Hyunjinie are super clumsy, they keep hurting themselves or breaking things,” he trails, holds the broom tight awkwardly, Chan regrets his words, “I just wanna help, that’s all.”

But the bitterness is still there, “If you hadn’t helped me, none of this would’ve happened,” He blurts out before he can stop himself.

His own heart drops at his feet, cursing himself for talking too much, why does he keep making it worse ?

“Look, I’m sorry, I know it’s hard for you, but my intentions were good —”

Chan can’t help it, he stands up and glares at him, voice filled with heat, “Good intentions ? Were there good intentions when you threatened to punch me ?”

Jisung looks flabbergasted, “You said you were glad Minho hyung got hurt !”

“I was scared !” He retorts back, “I thought you were all going to kill me ! What was I supposed to do ?!”

The anger ebbs away from Jisung’s eyes.

“So what now ? You’re just gonna hate me ?” Chan opens his mouth just to shut it, “Not even gonna give me a second chance when all I did was talk back once ? When you threatened to hurt us more than we ever did ?”

Chan doesn’t know what to retort. Shame, guilt and regret twirl together into a knot, but his anger and bitterness are still free to move.

“Hyung I’m really sorry for saying this back then, let’s just start over, keep what’s in the past, in the past,” he murmurs, hopeful, “what do you think ?”

“I am trying to start over,” He chokes out, “I’ve already let you in, it should’ve been enough, but— but the others,” he shakes his head, his thoughts are a mess he can’t comprehend anymore, “but I—” his hands are shaking and he can’t look at him, “— I don’t want you as my soulmate.”

Chan knows it’s the last straw. He’s gonna get punched now, or insulted and everything will be ruined because he’s so stupid—

“Oh.”

He looks up and all of his thoughts silence in a beat.

Jisung’s eyes are glossy.

And Chan’s frozen.

The younger steps back and lets out a wet chuckle, “I should’ve known it was a waste of time,” his tears slip down like pearls.

It’s the last thing he says before he’s scrambling to the front door. Only when the door slams shut does Chan regain a sense of control over his body.

He moves before he can think.

He hastily wears his shoes and opens the door wide to halt when he finds three journalists with their cameramen watching Jisung take his bike to leave. When their eyes settle back on him, the smiles are the creepiest he’s ever seen.

“Hi, you must be Bang Christopher ! I’m Heun Jeehun from ArirangTV, and I’d like to ask you questions,” it’s a woman in formal attire like the two others, but her hair is tied into a ponytail.

“I’m Choi Boseuk from KBS,” a man speaks and comes closer with a smile.

“And I’m Lee Alhyun from SBS, we will really be happy to tell the world what your story is about,” another woman speaks while she pushes her glasses up her nose.

“Who was that man ? Is he one of your soulmates ?”

“How have you been since you came back ? Do you feel too disconnected from the world ? Is it hard getting used to society ?”

“We heard you were dating your abductor, do you perhaps know where he is but you don’t want him to have any problems ?”

“Is it true you believed in killmate and almost hurt one of your soulmates ?”

“If you could go back to your abductor, will you do it ?”

Chan feels cornered at the questions they’re throwing to him. He glances at Jisung mounting his bike to start pedaling. He doesn’t have a lot of time before he’ll lose sight of Jisung. But the three journalists come closer and their cameramen are filming him and he’s trembling—

“Leave me alone !”

He pushes them away and ignores how one of the cameramen yells at him to be careful since cameras are expensive. Chan runs when his eyes lock on his brother’s bike. Jisung’s already far but hopefully he can catch up with this.

He tries to do it like Jisung, but with his foot pressing on the pedal, he’s falling face first, right in front of three cameras.

Filming him.

Chan curses at the pain pulsing around his nose and gets up when he feels a hot liquid dripping down. He wipes it with the back of his hand and decides to run. The journalists try to follow but end up giving up.

It’s blood on his hand, his nose feels hot at the touch and tender, but he doesn’t care right now. Jisung is ahead and takes a turn, “Jisung ! Wait !”

Oh god, why is he so stupid ? Now everyone’s gonna hate him because he’s dumb and scared and hurt Jisung.

He’s the monster in the story. He doesn’t even know why they want him. He keeps making mistakes and being a douchebag.

When he takes the turn, he takes it too quickly and his ankle twists, a painful throb shoots through his foot. He groans and can’t stop himself from falling down again, scratching an elbow and a palm.

People around him look at him at his noises, but none come to help. Chan doesn’t even notice it because his eyes are set on Jisung. Watches him to know where he’s going.

He stands up and tries putting some weight on his foot but the pain is back and Chan hisses before deciding to limp.

He can’t let Jisung go back like this. He needs to trust him, trust his soulmates. They’ve done the first step, Chan needs to make his own now. But he’s only been rejecting Jisung, pushing him away and being mean when all the younger wanted was to start over.

Like he’s done with his family.

They aren’t perfect, but like everyone else. So, why can’t he forgive Jisung ?

He looks around, desperate to find a clue where Jisung went. But the streets are empty of him, only barring unknown passersby. “Jisung !” He yells, brings attention, but ignores it.

He wants to cry.

And for the first time, Chan is outside and alone, but doesn’t feel scared for this reason. He’s scared of not having the time to apologize and his usual fear is gone as he goes to a passerby and asks if they’ve seen a young man on a bike. Everytime, they look at him weird, sometimes with worry, but they keep shaking their heads and Chan feels like he’s going to crumble down.

“Oh, yeah I saw that guy, he went that side, I think,” a man points to the street on the left and Chan thanks him a bunch of times, hurrying his steps to find the younger.

Even going down that street, he can’t seem to catch a glimpse of Jisung.

He’s so stupid. He’s stupid, bleeding, limping, all of that because he couldn’t keep his stupid mouth from talking. He keeps licking his lips, and tastes the metallic blood on his tongue.

But then he remembers the chatroom. He can ask them, but Jisung is in the chatroom and he’ll see the message too. He slumps in defeat, still pulls out his phone. It’s when he remembers he has Minho’s phone number alone that he finds back some hope and texts him a question.

Where does Jisung live ?

Minho doesn’t answer him. He shouldn’t be surprised, the younger is working after all. He has a job, compared to him, the stupid loser who can’t even keep his soulmate.

Chan sighs shakily and quickly blinks the tears away.

Maybe he can just text one of his soulmates ? Right, he’s done that for his family. He can do it for sure.

He chooses Jeongin. Hopefully he’ll answer rapidly.

For now, he looks around and wanders. The attention he earns makes his ears pink and desperately, he tries to hide himself as much as he can. He looks at the houses, hopes to see Jisung through one of the windows.

His eyes lock on a bike in a garden.

He pauses.

He’s sure it’s Jisung. It’s a red bike thrown against the grass. Jisung’s is red too.

He looks at the house longingly, unsure. Should he go and knock to apologize ? What if Jisung doesn’t want to see him ? What if he hates him so much that the bond breaks ? What if it’s not even his house ? Then he’ll humiliate himself in front of a complete stranger.

The front door opens and Chan immediately ducks down, hiding himself behind the low wall of bricks.

He peers slowly and carefully to find an older man coming his way with a trash bag, and Chan’s taken by panic. He looks around, and scrambles to crawl away without being seen—

“What do we have here ?”

Chan freezes. He shuts his eyes tight for a second before looking behind to see the older man raising a curious eyebrow.

But his curiosity is soon replaced by a deep frown, “What happened to you, young man ?” he looks around the streets, “got bullied ?”

Chan does remember his nosebleed and the bloody stains on his shirt are only making it seem worse.

“Uh no— no I just fell off my bike,” he awkwardly replies and thinks he should stand up before he can humiliate himself more.

And he almost forgets about his hurt ankle, until it throbs and makes him grunt and wince. He wants to leave and disappear but the man is soon by his side, holding on his forearm, “You don’t seem in good shape, come home, I’ll treat you first.”

Chan is embarrassed, “You— you don’t have to, I was just— resting ? I’ll go back home—”

The man tuts him, and gently drags him to his home, “Ain’t leaving you like this, now come.”

He can only nod in defeat, hoping and begging Jisung is somewhere upstairs where they’re not going to meet.

At the door, the man, who’s clearly Jisung’s father, helps him take off his shoes and makes him sit on the couch.

Jisung’s mother comes back from the garden with a basket of fruits and sees him. She looks perplexed but smiles kindly anyway, “Hi, are you Jisungie’s friends ?” until she sees the blood which makes her frown, “oh poor boy, what happened to you ?”

Chan is ashamed of a lot of things. He doesn’t know what to answer to that. He feels like he deserves that, something called Karma if he remembers correctly. And he’s sure Jisung doesn’t want him as a friend anymore since he’s horrible.

“Oh, honey, I found this boy next to our home, he needs to be treated,” Her husband answers for him, “I’ll go to the bathroom real quick.”

Jisung’s mother takes something from the kitchen before coming his way. She’s holding a damp towel, “And what’s your name, young man ?”

Chan lets her wipe at the dried blood, and even his nose, “I’m— I’m Chan.”

She momentarily pauses, looks up at him, then down at his scarred forearm. Chan instinctively puts a hand on his scars to hide. But she looks up with a knowing gaze. “You’re Jisungie’s last soulmate.”

Chan ducks his face, he doesn’t lie, but doesn’t answer too.

Strangely, he can feel her worry radiating off of her, “Are you the reason why my son came back crying ?”

It’s not an accusation, more like a simple question with no wrath. The shame crawls on his back and brings tears along the way anyway.

“I’m sorry,” he sniffles, “I didn’t mean to, I— I said something to him, but I didn’t mean it and I— I hurt him,” he sobs, “I’m sorry.”

The mother softens just as the father comes back with bandages.

“Show me your foot young man,” he crouches down with a grunt and Chan lets him bandage his ankle, quickly wiping away his tears. It’s tightly wrapped and makes him wince but he doesn’t dare complain.

They’re kind enough to help him when he doesn’t deserve it—

“Chan hyung ?”

Chan’s heart drops again, he looks up to find the younger with wide eyes.

“What are you doing here ? Wait— what happened to you ?” His eyes are puffy and he’s still sniffling too. And yet he worries for him.

His heart breaks like the glass.

“Chan ?” The father repeats with confusion. The mother simply shakes her head and takes him by his arm, gently dropping down Chan’s foot.

“Let’s let them talk, come with me to the garden,” she doesn’t give him a chance to speak, she drags him outside, leaving those two together.

It’s silent for long seconds. Jisung hasn’t moved from his spot on the stairs. It’s almost like he’s gauging if it’s safe to come closer to him, or if he’s going to be pounced on again.

Chan crumbles. ”I’m sorry for saying this, I didn’t mean to,” he starts, “I was— I was scared and— and when I’m scared Minho told me I go in fighting mode and my brain thought you— you were the danger, but you’re not, you’re not, you’re— you’re safe and I need to— to learn that. And I’m sorry,” he sobs, god he’s so pitiful, “I’m so sorry for hurting you, I still want you as my soulmate, please don’t hate me,” he begs, wiping his eyes from the never ending tears pooling out.

Jisung’s shoulders relax lightly, his grave expression softens. “You’re an idiot hyung,” Chan looks up, “if you think one argument’s going to make me hate you, then you don’t know what you got yourself into.”

Chan looks at him, confused with his nose running while Jisung pads closer, still with a frown, “You can’t get rid of me that easily, I’m worse than a leech,” he tells him seriously as he sits on the low table to take a look at his ankle.

Chan doesn’t know what to answer, “I’m sorry,” he says again, wiping his eyes from the tears remaining.

“Don’t be, I was worse than you before,” Jisung replies, moves the older’s foot slowly, Chan hisses anyway.

“Hyunjin told me about that.”

Jisung grimaces, “I should’ve known he will,” he sighs dramatically, before he gets serious again, “did you hurt yourself when you were running after me ?”

Chan hums softly, taking back the damp towel to clean the blood on his hand, “I tried to get on my brother’s bike, but I failed, and then I twisted my ankle.”

Jisung makes a face, worried, “I didn’t think you’d be running after me, I was hoping to give you a few days before trying again.” he gently releases his foot, Chan sets it down, “Binie hyung told me you were scared of going alone, and then the press was at your door, so I thought you wouldn’t try anything,” he trails, looking up at him.

The older knows what he means. He has surprised himself by doing all of this in the moment of panic, “I was scared that everyone will hate me because I hurt you,” he confesses, then shrugs his shoulders sadly, “I mean you were right, I’m the monster, you’re not.”

Jisung’s gaze is firm on him, “I never said you were a monster,” Chan knows but he also knows what he said is the truth too, “I completely get where you’re coming from, I would’ve been the same in your shoes,” he retorts softly, “and I get that you’re gonna need time to trust us, me in particular after what I did, and it’s fine too,” he adds seriously.

“So, you… you don’t hate me ?” He still asks with a small voice, because he needs to make sure.

Jisung smiles, wet and small, “No, I don’t, but do you hate me ?”

Chan shakes his head, “No, but I might— might still be scared,” he confesses, then adds with a tiny voice, “of you.”

The younger falters briefly, a grimace settling on his face, before he’s looking up to him with hopeful eyes, “And it’s okay, I’ll prove you that I’m not that bad,” he smiles, then stands up, “do you think you can walk ? Or do you prefer being piggybacked ?”

Chan blinks, looks down at his foot, twisting it gently, “I should be able to walk,” he stands up for emphasis but makes sure to put most of his weight on his uninjured leg.

Jisung still holds on to his forearm, “Then follow me, we’ll go to the bathroom first, so I can treat your injuries.”

Chan settles on Jisung’s bed, awing at his bedroom. He’s got a lot of posters against his walls, either of animes or girls bands and boys bands. It reminds him of his own bedroom back there. It’s also filled with personality, it’s cozy. There’s music accessories, shelves filled to the brim of mangas, merches too of plushies and figurines, and even papers where he’s scribbled characters from anime on his desk.

“You like animes,” he looks at him, “just like me.”

Jisung smiles, and proudly points to his shelves, “Yeah, a lot, especially animations from Ghibli, and if you ever want I can lend some to you.” Jisung takes one and hands it to him.

Chan tilts his head, before flipping open the manga, “Nana ? Is it about romance ?”

“Kinda, but not only, they talk about diverse subjects, and it’s just so good,” he whines, flops down unceremoniously on the bed to stare at the ceiling almost dreamy-like, “it kinda helped me grow up too.”

Chan hums, though he doesn’t like the drawing style, he’ll make sure to give it a shot. For Jisung, “Can I borrow it then ? Please ?”

Jisung sits up immediately, bright as ever, “Of course ! But I’m gonna give you three other volumes in case, and also, you need to know there’s no ending.”

The older blinks, “No ending ?”

Jisung nods with a pout, “The mangaka is sick and she didn’t write the end of it. Hopefully one day, when she’ll feel better.”

“Oh okay,” He replies before putting the book next to him to eye his drawings, “you draw too ?” Jisung nods and gets up, “Because I do too, but it’s not that good.”

“I’m sure you do great too,” he says firmly, and takes something from his drawer, “it could be fun if we draw together, make our own manga or comic book,” he hands him a book and when Chan opens it, he can tell it’s Jisung who drew.

But it’s surprising. Each page has a different story, always with a comedic end, Chan can’t help but snort at some of them, missing how Jisung is looking at him with flushed cheeks, suddenly shy. The drawing is messy in the beginning, cranky and lacks color, but the more he turns the pages, the more he can see Jisung’s personality shine in them with better drawing techniques. And then, there’s stories taking a few pages, sad and bittersweet, and about a nostalgia Chan will never know. 

But one in particular hits home too closely.

A story about a little alien wondering where his home is when he feels like he belongs nowhere. Another short one about the alien morphing into a human and getting better. And then him finding a family.

Chan wonders if it’s what JIsung’s been feeling before. Wonders how he could think of hating him when they share so many similarities.

“Do you… do you like it ?”

Chan blinks out of his focus, looking back to Jisung whose ears are pink and awaiting in anticipation. He flushes, embarrassed for being caught, “Yeah, I like it,” he looks at the little alien, sad but sweet, “I feel like I’m the alien since I’m back.”

Jisung comes closer and brings a comforting hand on his back, hesitant. But when Chan doesn’t push him away, he presses deeper, “I know how it feels,” he tells him truthfully, “you’re not alone hyung, we’re here for you, please don’t be scared of reaching out I’m begging you,” he pleads with his cute boba eyes, “I did that mistake and it got worse before getting better and you can avoid that by talking to us, or— or even your family.”

Chan is unsure, avoiding his eyes, “I know, but I don’t want to burden you with all of that, you all have your problems too. I can’t do that.”

“Hyung, it’s not a burden to have feelings, it just shows you’re human. ” Jisung stresses over the words, “and it’s more about sharing than giving. If you want we can share our feelings too. Like that, we’re even.”

The older blinks, processes his words slowly. Jisung’s leg is bouncing anxiously, but he doesn’t press on an answer. Chan appreciates that.

“Okay,” he answers softly, sees Jisung’s leg stop with relief, “but you have to promise me you share too.”

Jisung nods seriously and brings his pinky up, “Pinky promise.”

Chan smiles and catches his pinky with his own, “Pinky promise.”

They spend the rest of the afternoon watching Ghibli movies and drawing a little comic book and Chan laughs so hard when Jisung shows him his new masterpiece of their soulmates, exaggerated lovingly. At some point Chan’s phone goes off and he finds out it’s Hannah asking him where he went, noticing also both Minho’s and Jeongin’s text. He tells her his little adventure and Jisung adds that he doesn’t mind if Chan decides to stay for the night to sleep. It makes him flush, but Hannah tells him she’ll ask their dad first, in case. After that, Chan sends texts to both Minho and Jeongin to reassure them.

At some point, they both get called down from Jisung’s parents and end up finding Chan’s image on the TV with him so graciously falling off his brother’s bike. But Jisung is also in too, named as a possible soulmate, and together they wince because they don’t like that at all, equally anxious.

Still, Jisung’s parents reassure them that nothing will happen to them. Chan surprises himself when he holds Jisung’s hand for comfort. Jisung is too, but the way his shoulders relax makes it worth it.

That’s when Chan’s father calls him to tell him he’s coming to take him back home. Chan doesn’t refute, Jisung doesn’t mind either, so he sends his address.

Before he goes home with his father gently scolding him for not being careful, Jisung sends him three songs, Alien, Human and Hold My Hand. He says shyly to listen to them when he can and that the last song was made for him.

Chan does listen to the songs when he’s alone in his room with earphones stolen from his brother, buried under his blanket. The lyrics makes him want to cry and any doubt on Jisung is truly gone.

He sends him a text, still overwhelmed by those emotions.

To Jisung

Thank you for sharing these with me, they were truly beautiful and I hope one day you can teach me more about making music 😁

Good night !

Jisung answers almost immediately.

From Jisung

No worries hyung, I really enjoyed today by your side, it was so fun :D

And I’ll make sure to teach you everything I can !!!

Good night hyungie !!!

Chan smiles and decides in the moment to send a text in the chatroom with Jisung’s songs still coming from his earphones.

⭐Chan⭐ : Hi, I just wanted to thank you all for everything you’ve done to help me. It’s been really hard but with all of you coming to spend time with me, I didn’t even see the time pass. And everytime I’d be excited for all of you to come, sometimes stressed or nervous. But you all taught me so much in a simple full week, I feel like I learned more in this week than my twenty years in my room haha. 😂

⭐Chan⭐ : I’m still growing and still gonna make mistakes, but I feel better knowing you’ll all be by my side, teaching me about the world. And I want to trust all of you too. And for this, I need to spend more time with all of you. Which I want too.

⭐Chan⭐ : I’d be happy if you all could send me your usual schedule so I can fit where we can be together, either meeting up or talking on the phone. I’ll also send my schedule when it will be ready because I’m still going to therapy with my family some days and my dad’s thinking of having me home-schooled too, maybe going to a club too. 📚

⭐Chan⭐ : I’m really excited about the future we’re going to have ! ☺️ Thank you for being so open and patient with me, I’m soon going to catch up to all of you, so wait for me ! 🏃

⭐Chan⭐ : PS : don’t worry about the news, I’m fine ! Just fell off a bike and twisted my ankle but Jisung and his family took care of me 🤗 

⭐Chan⭐ : And sorry for the multiple messages, I thought it was better to put paragraphs, but I forgot it would send the text haha

⭐Chan⭐ : Good night everyone !

Chan doesn’t wait for them to answer, suddenly shy for opening up like this. He decides to turn off his phone and sleep, a giddy smile spreading on his face. It will be future Chan’s problem to take heads-on the praises of his soulmates, though it's not a problem at all.

His heart is ready for the beginning of his adventure, knowing he’s doing good and his family and soulmates will always be there for him. It’s scary to learn about this new world, but he’s safe. And gently, he closes his eyes, still listening to Jisung’s songs playing in his ears.

He is the little alien, but he already feels himself turning human again.