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It had been lightly raining at the Ministry for a solid week. The grey, overcast skies were not helping your current mood. You had started feeling out of sorts just before the rain had started falling and as the days dragged on, the worse and blah you felt. So finally for the last three days you decide to hold up in your quarters, curtains drawn against the deary, depressing skies. You ate only a little and never got out of your pjs. You couldn’t put your finger on what had you down, but at the same time you just really couldn’t be bothered to care. You just wanted to shut out the world, your responsibilities, and most of all, you wished your intrusive thoughts would just leave you alone. So, you either sat on your couch, disassociating at the TV or you laid in your bed and slept.
Your absence had not gone unnoticed, however. Copia had seen you become withdrawn earlier in the week and in between his own responsibilities had tried his best to keep an eye on you. But now he hadn’t seen or heard anything out of you in two days. Drumming his fingers on his little kitchen table, head in hand, he wrestled with getting up and going to check on you. He knew you to be a private person but this complete withdrawal from everything really had him concerned. But he also didn’t want another earful from Sister about showing favoritism … yet again. He signed heavily, looking out his own window at the sad skies that seem to persist in hanging on. No, Sister could go fuck herself he thought, favoritism or not, your wellbeing was important to him, and he had to know you where at least ok. So, scooting his chair back, he stands, and heads toward your quarters, hoping to find you there.
You sit on your couch, wrapped in your favorite blanket (you weren’t cold), staring into the cup of tea that had long gone cold. The TV was at a low volume and nothing of importance was playing, it was just noise, so you didn’t feel totally alone. Your thoughts wandered, settling on nothing. Sometimes, you’d think about something that would make your anxiety flare, and you’d do your best to push the thoughts away. In the back of your head you thought about letting your close friends know you were ok, but it felt like too big of a task in your current state of mind. So, you rationalized they would be fine, they didn’t need to worry about silly little you. You’d pull out of this feeling, at least you were hoping you would. You knew you couldn’t just stay in here from now on, but who would really care, I mean after all – Your thoughts ran around in this circle for a while and you where so deep in these thoughts that you miss the first tentative knock on your door.
The second knock was more insistent, followed by “Tesoro, are you in there?”
You come out of your dissociation just enough to realize that it’s Copia’s voice you heard and he’s knocking at your door. You set the untouched tea on the coffee table, unwrap yourself out of your blanket and go to the door. You crack it open just as he goes to knock again, so he startles slightly. He looks at you quickly taking in your unkempt state and becomes written all over his face.
“Cara are you all right?” the concern is there in his soft voice. You are surprised at the little bright feeling that goes through you as you hear it.
“I’m …” You hesitate momentarily, unsure what you should or shouldn’t burden him with. So, you tell him “I’m ok.” The concern on his face becomes crystal clear, as you are never ok when you say you are just ok.
“Tesoro, may I come in please? Just for a little bit, I promise not to be a pest.” He smiles his warm usual smile and you know you’ll never tell him no. So, you open the door and gesture for him to step in. He does and shuts the door behind him. When he turns, you have returned to the couch and he takes in how dark it is, how the TV is set on low, how full your teacup still is. It gives him a very quick idea of your current state of mind. So, he walks over to the couch where you have reburied yourself in your blanket and stare, unseeing at the TV.
“Tesoro, may I sit by you?” His voice is soft, his accent is a bit more pronounced as he own emotional state has become upset by seeing you like this. You nod, not really looking in his direction. He comes closer and sits, not quiet touching you. He fidgets uncertain how to start, he looks at you with his heart aching a bit.
“Cara, I know you are not just ok. You have been missing everything for a few days now. Can you tell your Papa what the matter is?”
You look at him, and then his words hit you, especially the ‘your Papa’ and you burst into tears. You try to pull the blanket over your head to hide but too late, he’s already got his arms around you hugging you close. He practically pulls you into his lap and holds you, stroking your hair and murmuring in soft Italian. You don’t understand a word of it, but it’s soothing, so you bury your face in the crook of his neck and quietly sob all your feelings out onto his shoulder. His hold on you never loosens, his soothing murmuring never ceases. He threads his fingers through your hair, his nails softly, tracing paths on your scalp that slowly ease your tears until you are just hugging him back. Still, he just holds you close, now rocking you gently, as he waits for you.
You both sit like this for a long while, neither speaking. The light outside slowly grows dimmer, and the only light in the room becomes the electric glow of the television set. Still, he just holds you. When you finally lift your head from his shoulder and look at him, you are surprised to find some of his dark eye paint has run down his face in places and you realize he has cried along with you at some point.
“Oh Copia, I’m sorry. I-“ But he lays a finger over your lips.
“Tesoro. It is ok. You don’t need to explain to me. I just want to know you’ll be ok. That you aren’t alone. That I’m here, I’m with you. I’m not leaving until you feel better, that I know you are better. Okie dokie?” He smiles warmly at you again and you are totally disarmed, so you nod. He shifts so he can unwrap the blanket from around you, once free he pulls you against his chest then covers you both. He resumes stroking and playing with your hair. He remembers how much you love this. This goes on for a long while before he speaks again.
“Do you know what is bothering you cara mia?” he continues to play with your hair.
“No.” You admit. “I’ve just felt down … out of sort.”
“Ahhh. I see.” He gives you a squeeze with his other arm. “I understand. We all have these feelings. It’s ok.”
His fingers never stop, stroking through your hair, then massaging your scalp in between. You lay on his chest listening to his heartbeat, enjoying his closeness. He doesn’t press you to talk or try and pry out what is wrong. He just comforts you, lets you take all the time you need. He even hums CMLS under his breath while you two sit in the glow of the TV.
Sometime later, you wake with a start, Copia is snoring softly, still holding you close. You smile to yourself, looking at his sleeping face. You feel ever so grateful in this moment to him. He doesn’t have to do any of this, but he does. You are always a little overwhelmed with how much he cares and shows it to you, despite the trouble it causes for him. You snuggle back down in his arms and close your eyes. You feel him squeeze you tight for a moment and keep his arms around here. He smiles in his sleep. You might not fully be ok yet, but you are sure that with his care and affection, you will be soon.