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Guilt flowed heavy within Cheong-san's mind and heart as he watched Gyeong-su run off with the other zombies. He'd failed his best friend, the person he was closest to. He couldn't help but feel like there was more he could've done to save Gyeong-su. There was shame, swallowing Cheong-san whole as he blamed himself for the cause of Gyeong-su's death.
It'd all just stopped.
Cheong-san's heart ached as he watched the blood run down Gyeong-su's nose till it reached his bottom lip. He watched frozen in shock as his best friend's eyes became bloodshot and he didn't move an inch as the boy cried out for him. What could he even do? His best friend was becoming infected and there was no cure. Cheong-san wanted to help Gyeong-su but he doubted he could even bring him any sort of comfort.
He wanted to hold him, to tell him he'd be alright and that it was just another nose bleed from his broken nose thanks to Su-hyeok. Cheong-san wanted to run into Gyeong-su's arms without a care if he even got bitten by his friend. He didn't want to lose Gyeong-su. Yet, Gyeong-su was slipping from his hands within every second he didn't do something. It's as if his feet had been glued to the ground. The world didn't want him to try to save Gyeong-su. The world just wanted him to suffer.
It was even worse when he was practically forced to watch Gyeong-su be banished from the group. No, this wasn't right at all. It was just the broken nose causing his nose to bleed. The red eyes simply had to be from all the crying he'd been doing. Who wouldn't cry in a situation like that? Gyeong-su becoming a zombie didn't make sense because he'd been perfectly fine hours ago! He was absolutely human just a little while ago.
He knew he couldn't see a single thing Gyeong-su was feeling, but it felt his emotions were connected to his best friend's and that he could feel his fear along with him. The screaming, the banging, the sobbing. It was a nightmare for them both, Gyeong-su more than Cheong-san. If only he hadn't been held back. By now he would've been almost squeezing the air out of Gyeong-su and telling him everything was alright and that he was okay.
But only in a flash, Cheong-san was forced to watch his best friend's body crack, to hear it break apart before his eyes. His Gyeong-su had fallen from his grip in a matter of minutes. The screams that had come from Gyeong-su was nothing like he'd ever heard before. It broke his heart into a million pieces to watch him cry in fear, to beg for Cheong-san to stop. He didn't even want to think about what Gyeong-su could be hallucinating. What if he was hurting him? What if what Gyeong-su was seeing was pure torture for him? He tried to step over to him, but he was stopped by On-jo. And for the first time in years, Cheong-san didn't feel that little spark he usually did when with her.
"Cheong-san," a voice called for him. Just as he thought about her, On-jo was making an attempt to snap him out of his thoughts. He turned around from the window and looked softly at her. Cheong-san took a deep breath before speaking to her yet when he opened his mouth nothing seemed to come out. The words he wanted to say had faded and he was left with nothing. He cleared his throat and looked down at his feet, "Yes, On-jo?"
She put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, or so it seemed reassuring. "Dae-su keeps complaining about needing to use the bathroom... says you're in the way of the window." Cheong-san blinked for a moment before his eyes narrowed. That's what they were worried about? More concerned over having to take a piss rather than mourning the loss of someone so kind and loving. It only made his heart ache and his blood boil. Simply ignoring Gyeong-su's death felt like a betrayal to his dear friend. He shook his head quickly and shoved On-jo's hand off his shoulder rather harshly. "Tell him he can take a shit in that damn water bottle," Cheong-san spat bitterly. He gave On-jo a glare before turning back to look outside for Gyeong-su's infected form. He knew he was out there somewhere.
On-jo stared at him with wide eyes. Sure she's seen him angry but never this cold. Especially towards her of all people. She sighed before walking back to the group surrounding the table. A lot of them watched for any movement from Cheong-san, Joon-yeong even putting down the pink water bottle that had been mentioned. Cheong-san knew he was being rude, but he just lose someone that'd been dear to him for years and years. He has every right to be upset.
As the group discussed their next move, and how to form a bathroom... Cheong-san continued to stay standing at the window alone drowning in his misery and guilt. He wanted to call out for Gyeong-su. Cheong-san wanted the boy to know he still cared about him and that he would always forever be his best friend no matter what.
Cheong-san wanted to tell him that he loved him.
His heart stopped at the thought of even saying those words to him. Growing up, Gyeong-su was always such a meaningful person to him. They did almost everything together. Shared clothing, cheesy nicknames, gifts, holidays spent together, and most importantly they were simply always there for each other. Their differences never meant anything between them. Gyeong-su was never a 'welfie' to Cheong-san. He was someone Cheong-san would always cherish, and Cheong-san hoped Gyeong-su saw him in the same light. Sometimes it felt like the world around them had faded and that it was just the two together. Cheong-san can recall so many times where he'd made Gyeong-su's eyes light up, when he'd made the boy laugh so loudly and annoyingly. It was something Cheong-san always said he hated and found irritating, but deep down he knew he'd always been lying about that.
Tears were beginning to threaten to pour. Cheong-san blinked rapidly and gulped. He'd been an idiot for years, and he had nobody to blame but himself. He failed to protect Gyeong-su and even worse he'd failed to comfort him or reassure him. Cheong-san wiped his runny nose with his sleeve. Just moments ago the two were whistling through doors and calling each other morons. Oh how Cheong-san wishes he could go back in time.
It seemed as if the group had become aware of Cheong-san's sniffles. He never really cried often, only when it truly made his heart crumble, and most of the classmates with him had never seen this side of him. The room fell silent as On-jo grabbed hold of his hand, as if to signal to just talk to her about how he felt. Cheong-san simply shook his head which got only a sigh out of On-jo. She began to walk slowly with him into the recording room, Cheong-san's legs wobbly like jello.
On-jo closed the door gently and looked over her shoulder at Cheong-san who stood frozen just like how he did when Gyeong-su passed. She took a seat in front of the computer desk before turning the chair to face the boy in front of her. "Do.. Do you wanna talk about it?" she questioned.
"It's my fault," immediately dropped from Cheong-san's lips.
Her eyes widened. "It's not your fault, Cheong-san." Either way, he felt he had no one to blame but himself. So much for promising to keep Gyeong-su safe, especially during the end of the world because of zombies. He put his hands in his own and looked down at his feet. "I could've helped him," was all he could mumble. To that statement On-jo was silent. Truthfully, there was no way to save poor Gyeong-su. Once the infection had taken place, there was no going back. Ultimately, he was simply doomed from the start.
"Well," On-jo looked around the room, trying to find or look for a solution, "Pretend I'm Gyeong-su. Say the things you want to say to him if he was here." To Cheong-san it sounded like a crazy idea, But he was desperate. He'd purposefully go insane if it meant just seeing Gyeong-su's sweet face again. He gulped, hands trembling as his mind raced with a million words.
"I'm sorry,"
It was all he could get out at first. In the blink of an eye, it's as if On-jo had been molded to look like Gyeong-su. Cheong-san knew his eyes were just playing tricks on him, that he wasn't actually seeing his best friend in front of him right now. Not a single care for it though.
"I should've done better. Done more," Cheong-san started speaking again. He took a deep breath and wiped his tears. "It's been an hour and I haven't thought of anything but you. I want to go back in time so I can bring you back to me." Maybe he was being cheesy, words coming out more like a teen romance movie than anything but it didn't bother him much. He was simply explaining his thoughts and feelings. "You mean the world to be, zombie or not."
A wave of memories popped into Cheong-san's head as he thought about his next words. Playing on playgrounds in a park, getting angry at each other because of video games, cheating off each other's homework and tests. Cheong-san's life had, most if not all the time, been spent with Gyeong-su. It made his heart race and his cheeks flush as he thought about a future. One where Gyeong-su didn't die and where they'd stayed with each other for as long as time went on. He knew Gyeong-su probably never saw him in the light Cheong-san saw him in, but he didn't care. It was something he wasn't ashamed to admit even if it hurt him.
"I think I was wrong about On-jo," he murmured and nodded. On-jo, having stayed silent, felt her heart skip a beat. She had no idea of what Cheong-san was speaking about. Had he spoken badly about her? Did he have a crush on her? What exactly was it was all she could wonder at the time Cheong-san was pouring his heart out. "Gyeong-su, I felt that spark with you."
It broke his heart to even mutter those words so softly. Back when he saw Gyeong-su turning it wasn't a spark of love he felt, it was his heart realizing his whole world was crumbling right in front of his eyes. What's a world without Gyeong-su? His laughter or his kindness? It's an empty void that Cheong-san feared to live in. He knew he had other people that'd surround him, but if he had Gyeong-su with him he wouldn't ever feel so alone.
When he looked at On-jo, or rather his hallucinations of Gyeong-su, he could see how thoughtfully he'd been listening to him. "Gyeong-su, I lost a piece of myself when you left. You were always there to show me kindness and care, to make sure I was alright and happy." It was true. Gyeong-su was practically Cheong-san's number one source of glee. He never really noticed it until now, when he needed Gyeong-su's comfort and humor the most. Cheong-san took another deep breath and sighed to himself. "I think I'd be trying for so long to convince myself I loved On-jo, so I never really knew just how much I wanted you. I'd been dumb."
That's exactly what'd been going on. Cheong-san was trying so hard to deny he loved Gyeong-su and trying so hard to believe his brain when it said he loved On-jo. Everytime his heart skipped a beat, it was when both Gyeong-su and On-jo were around. His heart was always doing that for the boy he'd loved dearly his whole life. He'd always seen that love as just a symbol of friendship but it's clear to him now that it meant something much more than just being buddies.
Just then he could hear a soft hitch of On-jo's breath. Cheong-san? With feelings for Gyeong-su? He knew it did sound very crazy but he was being completely honest when he said it all.
Cheong-san wanted to hold and comfort Gyeong-su. He wanted to be the one to kiss Gyeong-su's eyes when he was crying. He wanted to be the one to push Gyeong-su down into the snow when winter came around. He knew it was cheesy, that he wanted a simple, happy relationship with his best friend but he had no problem with wanting that. The only problem was that his dream was way out of his reach, permanently. He'd never get to be soft and lovey dovey with Gyeong-su. Not unless he wanted to be bitten and turned into a zombie like his beloved. Yet, Cheong-san was willing to sacrifice his own life it meant Gyeong-su could live on. Although that was only false hope he was giving himself.
"I love you, Gyeong-su."
The words slipped out so suddenly. Immediately he felt tears fall from his eyes like waterfalls. He wanted to run out into that field of zombies and hold Gyeong-su for the last time. His entire life would be gone, but his heart would be filled with joy. He then snapped out of it as he blinked and saw On-jo get up to leave the recording room. He stood there and let the tears fall rapidly. She probably felt so disgusted with him, with his dreams, his thoughts, his feelings. It isn't like he could help it. The heart wants what the heart wants and his longed for Gyeong-su.
Cheong-san lifted his head a little, noticing the things Gyeong-su had messed with before he'd become infected. Cheong-san's heart throbbed with love and sadness all at once. He took a deep breath and ran his hands over it. Something so tiny yet so meaningful in his eyes. Cheong-san's lips curled into a small, heartbroken smile as a few more tears were blinked out. Hopes and dreams Gyeong-su had, but they were ripped away from him so quickly. He could've been something great. Gyeong-su could've been known as something and someone other than a 'welfie.' Cheong-san promised himself that when he got out of this mess, he'd tell the world about his love for someone so beautiful and how great Gyeong-su was. He promised they'd meet again in the next life.
But in another universe, it was him and Gyeong-su telling their story of love together.