Work Text:
For four years, Soobin and Yeonjun had been happily married. Once they felt financially secure, they wanted to test whether they could stand on their own without any support from their families.
When they were finally in a state of economic relaxation and felt less young, they made a decision that everyone around them had been waiting for, but which they had not yet warmed to.
A pup.
Soobin, if he was being honest, still wasn’t entirely sure about it. He was afraid. But why not? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a pup that looked like both him and the man he cherished most in the world? His mind was always at war over it. He loved seeing the sparkle in Yeonjun’s eyes whenever they talked about it, and he was sure his husband was already making plans. It wasn’t a terrible decision, right? With their friends and family—especially Yeonjun—by his side, he wouldn’t have to do it alone. Would he?(italik
They had debated for a long time whether parenthood was something they needed to prepare for or if they would naturally adapt to the responsibility once they had a child.
In the midst of all this, at the start of the year, Soobin found out he was pregnant. It wasn’t as terrifying as he had imagined. In fact, he mostly felt at peace—perhaps because of the growing bond he already had with the baby.
Soobin gave birth in the late autumn, just as winter was settling in. He didn’t want to remember that day—it had been exhausting and painful. But the moment he held his baby in his arms, none of it mattered anymore
She was beautiful. She had Soobin’s round eyes but carried Yeonjun’s sharp gaze. Her lips were full, like both of theirs, and her skin was pale. And, oh God, she had a birthmark on her right leg. Soobin gazed at her in awe. She was a perfect blend of him and Yeonjun. They named her Minseo. Most new parents would have preferred to name their children with more western names, but they hadn't chosen that, they were going to do as they saw fit.
Now, in the present, Soobin felt like he was losing his mind. Minseo would not stop crying, and this was not helping his already exhausted, sleep-deprived body.
He was on maternity leave from his civil service job. Yeonjun was still working. In the early days, their family and close friends—almost everyone they knew—came to visit. Was he supposed to entertain them or take care of his daughter? It was frustrating.
“Baby, please stop crying,” Soobin whimpered, rocking Minseo in his arms. He had been holding her for so long his arms ached. He was overwhelmed
Why was she crying so much? Was she in pain? She couldn’t be—he had checked. Was she hungry? But he had just nursed her. Did she have gas? No. He had done everything a baby needed, yet Minseo was still wailing. He had to stay calm.
“Look, I’ve been up since six in the morning because of you, and my head hurts so much I don’t even want to open my eyes. Can you please give me a break?”
He knew he was talking to a newborn and prayed, irrationally, that she would understand. But no. She kept crying
Soobin sat down in the crib with his daughter on his lap. He didn't think it would fit, and it certainly didn't, but it folded in half like a folding table and was surprisingly, if uncomfortably, snug. Minseo was only whimpering now, Soobin realized, and he ran his hand slowly and gently over her belly, and the tension and sadness seemed to ease for both of them.
“That’s it. Be a good girl and don’t give me a hard time. I just want us to get along, Minseo.”
His exhaustion was unbearable, his eyes fluttering shut involuntarily. As if sensing his surrender, Minseo finally went silent.
A loud noise startled him awake.
His phone.
He must have brought it with him to the room.
Soobin jolted upright. Minseo frowning at the disturbance. Whoever was calling was persistent—the ringing hadn’t stopped. All he wanted was for Minseo to stay asleep. They were both exhausted
Damn it,” he muttered, scrambling to grab his phone. “Whoever this is, I swear—”
Yeonjun.
Soobin didn't know why, but she felt even more angry, maybe if it was anyone else she wouldn't have been so angry, but Yeonjun was the most aware that there was a baby in the house and she insisted on making the phone ring. Wasn't a voicemail enough? Completely inconsiderate.
He quickly turned the volume down and checked on Minseo. Still asleep. Relieved, he quietly left the room before answering the call.
“Bin—”
“Yeonjun! Can you explain why you kept calling? You could have just sent a text! I finally got Minseo to sleep, and she almost woke up!”
“Whoa, Binnie, calm down. I did text you—you didn’t see it.” He paused. “I’m sorry, baby. I should have thought about that.” His voice was startled at first, but soon it returned to its usual, steady tone. Had Soobin been overreacting lately?
"I say it's okay because Minseo didn't wake up." Soobin chuckled. Then he asked Yeonjun a question about when she was coming and hung up the phone. For the first time in days he felt so relaxed as if Minseo didn't even exist(italics mine) and it wasn't even 2:00 p.m.
He took a long, well-deserved shower, filling the tub with his favorite flowers. As he sank into the warm water, he exhaled deeply. He didn’t want to think about anything—but he couldn’t help it. He had become a father. He had known this was coming, yet he still wasn’t ready. Everything with Yeonjun was wonderful, but… would he ever feel as young and carefree as before? This overwhelming responsibility weighed heavily on him. Tears slipped down his cheeks before he even realized he was crying.
A sudden wail pierced through his thoughts. Minseo
Soobin tensed. The relaxation he had felt seconds ago vanished. Carefully, he stepped out of the tub and wrapped himself in a robe. Minseo was crying so hard that Soobin had to check her body to make sure she wasn’t hurt. Nothing seemed wrong. So why was she still crying?
A terrifying thought struck him.
Was she crying because of him?
Of course it was, why didn't he think of it before?
Did she sense his frustration? Did she hate how he treated her? Was that why she cried all the time? Something had to be wrong
But Minseo was his daughter. His own flesh and blood. He had to trust her.
When she finally calmed in his arms, Soobin realized he needed to put her down and make dinner. Yeonjun would be home soon, and he didn’t want anyone to see him as an omega who made excuses about being too tired—even after just giving birth. He was exhausted, yes. But he needed to clear his mind.
Soon, Yeonjun arrived. He helped with dinner while Soobin finally opened up about how he had been feeling. They had a wonderful evening together. Miraculously, Minseo didn’t wake up. It was almost as if—for just a little while—she didn’t exist.
In the days that followed, many relatives and close friends kept visiting, especially Yeonjun's mother. Did she think Soobin was not a good omega? Did she think that he was the type of person who couldn't breastfeed well, couldn't take care of his child well, or worst of all, did she keep him under constant control, thinking that he belonged only to them?
Since Soobin's mother knew her son well, she decided not to overwhelm him and didn't make constant visits. Soobin liked Mrs. Choi, but what she did was a bit too overwhelming, yet he continued to respect her. The days were almost spent with Soobin asking God for patience. It was tiring and frustrating to take care of Minseo and to take care of his guests, because neither of them would shut up. Everyone who came, even those who didn't have children, gave Soobin advice and counsel that he had never heard before. Soobin responded to all of them with a smile or a look of surprise, but he didn't really care, who were they to give her stupid advice? Soobin took good care of his daughter and decided to stay as far away from these ridiculous people as possible.
Day after day, Soobin was doing everything he could to get out of the psychological state he was in, a state that even he could not explain, how could anyone understand it? He didn't feel physically and mentally young like he used to, and everything was just for a baby? I think there is no other explanation.
"Soobin, honey, how many times do I have to say it? Please come out and take a breath, you think you don't show it but Minseo is exhausting you. You are my son too, so please go wherever you want, I will take care of my grandson."
Going out was the last thing on Soobin's mind, even small groceries were ordered from the market, how long had it been since he had been out?
"Ms. Choi, thank you for your kindness, but Minseo doesn't tire me, it's just that I've moved to a lifestyle I'm not used to." Soobin smiled to show his sincerity, but what he couldn't let out was that Minseo only needed Soobin, at least for now.
--
"For God's sake, Beomgyu, I know you're an omega too, the only thing you have in common with Soobin is being an omega!" Yeonjun was annoyed. During the phone call, the subject of Soobin's changing behavior after Minseo was born came up, Yeonjun was never complaining, he shouldn't be, but his husband's strange behavior worried him.
"Hyung I really don't think you understand Soobin Hyung, he just gave birth and he doesn't leave Minseo's side even for a moment, haven't you noticed that? And you couldn't even get time off for omega who just gave birth? All in all, you have no right to be bothered by Soobin's behavior."
"No, Beomgyu it's not like you know-" he was speaking in a whisper. "I have to go now Beom, maybe you want to come over tonight?"
"Oh yes hyung because I'll watch Soobin for hours to prove you wrong." Yeonjun hung up as soon as he finished his sentence. He only hoped that one day she wouldn't be like this with Taehyun.
--
Minseo's constant crying was triggering his migraines, certainly not easy to cope with, and now he missed his job, which he complained about every day. He regretted it every time he thought about it, but he couldn't help it, he never thought it would be this hard.
Mrs. Choi had once criticized Soobin, saying that he needed to get his act together, that she had been through it too, but not for as long as he had. Every word that was said made his ears prickle, and the thing she regretted the most was that he didn't say anything because on the one hand he agreed, but she could have been more supportive, couldn't she?
Soobin heard his daughter whining as he fought the thoughts that were eating him up. No, not again. Not now.
The little baby started to cry violently, but babies cry, don't they? Soobin didn't think he had done anything wrong, so why was he crying again and again?
He was absolutely incapable, physically and emotionally. Maybe Yeonjun wouldn't love him anymore because he couldn't take good care of they children, his friends and family would think he was irresponsible, because things seemed to get worse instead of better. Eating was a torture and worse, he had no patience. Soobin's eyes filled with tears when his daughter cried in his lap and wouldn't stop, there seemed to be no going back, was he fed up with his own daughter.
He put Minseo in bed with Yeonjun and he curled up next to his daughter, sobbing, he had never cried like this before, he didn't even think he had the right to cry because he wanted to avoid what he had to do, it wasn't a tenner.
He don't know how much time had passed, but Minseon's voices had stopped, she wasn't crying, she was just lying there, her hands and feet struggling. She would cry again if she knew that her sweet daughter had such a father, wouldn't she? She leaned on her elbow and watched her daughter to calm her down, her hands were playing with her little fingers and all the while she was crying, she couldn't stop, she couldn't stop herself. She started to feel calm and peaceful, she could look more closely at her daughter's features and she was going to be beautiful. Suddenly Minseo smiled as her hands gently ran over her daughter's face. She had absolutely no teeth, but it might have been the sweetest smile Soobin had ever seen and it was the first time it had ever happened, Soobin felt his eyes well up again, but it was out of happiness. Did Minseo feel something and smile or did she see someone?
"Oh my God, you smile so beautifully" he was constantly stroking her head, the tears wouldn't stop, he was in a great emotional turmoil. He hadn't even seen his yeonjun standing at the foot of the bed, he was so caught up in the moment.
"Binnie." Soobin jumped up and down.
"Oh, my God, hyung, I didn't notice you. I'm sorry. Really, but look, our baby laughed at me!"
"I saw it baby, it looks just like you, so cute." Yeonjun cupped Soobin's face in his hands, his thumbs caressing his cheeks. "But why were you crying Bin?" The last time he saw Soobin sobbing, he was pregnant and crying over the movie they were watching.
"Oh, it's really nothing, I guess my nerves got the best of me, I just felt weird seeing Minseo like that, just don't worry." Soobin kissed Yeonjun's hands on his cheeks and smiled, a tired smile according to Yeonjun. He'll figure it out.
"While Minseo is asleep, let's spend some time alone, shall we? We need to talk and in the evening the Beomgyu's are coming over and I'll make dinner and you can watch me do my thing." They both giggled. Soobin wasn't sure what they were going to talk about and frankly he didn't want guests, they had rare moments like this.
"Yes, you were so skillful that Minseo fell asleep right away."
Yeonjun laughed, they were now sitting on the sofa in the living room facing each other. Yeonjun looked very confident, like she knew what she was going to say. Was she going to ask for a divorce with Soobin, or was she going to ask them to stay apart for a while, or was she going to say that she was seeing someone else, or maybe she was going to ask for a babysitter for Minseo. All very scary scenarios and Soobin hoped that none of them would come true.
Yeonjun said softly, "Binnie, what's wrong?" Yeonjun was holding Soobin's hand in a firm but comforting way, perhaps to make him feel his support.
"Hyung, I guess I'm a bad parent. I will stand behind whatever decision you have made, but please give me more time and I will fix everything." Soobin's voice was low, because if he raised it a bit, he would start crying.
"Soobin, what are you talking about?" Yeonjun was surprised. What decision was he talking about?
"Hyung it's obvious even now, just now Minseo smiled at me for the first time, but I looked at her crying. Even when she was smiling at me I was crying. I always feel exhausted and sad, Sometimes..."
his voice was breaking, he was going to cry.
"I feel lost, Jun. If you want to leave it's really okay, I can't be a good husband to you or a good father to Minseo, I really can't help it but I'm trying so hard."
His voice trembled so much that it was hard to understand his speech, not only sadness but also fear.
"Soobin? Look at me." Yeonjun was angry at Soobin's thoughts. How long had he been thinking that? Soobin thought Yeonjun didn't love him, he definitely screwed up. Soobin looked at hhim with red eyes, it was his least favorite sight.
"Minseo loves you for who you are. Even when you cry, even when you tired, you're her father. You don't have to do this alone, we have families, we have a lot of friends, you have me, baby, and how can you think I don't love you or that I want to leave you, Soobin? You know that I would give my life for you and our daughter, you know that I am madly in love with you, you know that I want to breathe my last breath with you." His eyes filled with tears, he wanted to comfort his lover. Soobin started to cry loudly as if he had let go of everything he was holding on to after Yeonjun's words, his body was shaking and breathing was erratic.
"I don't feel the same anymore. Everything has changed so much. I feel like I'm not me." Soobin leaned against Yeonjun's, his body was tired and his headache persisted, he just wanted to lean against his alpha and sleep.
"Because you are more than just Soobin now. So am I, you're a father, but that doesn't mean you're losing yourself, you're just discovering a new part of yourself. I'm here for you no matter what and we'll get through this together, okay? I'm sorry for every moment I made you feel alone, Soobin." His head was between Soobin's neck and shoulder, the voice was muffled but the message got through.
"I know you can't help it hyung I never blame you I would have fallen apart without you." his voice sounded sleepy, he must have found a comfortable position.
"How would Binnie like to sleep in her alpha's lap hm?" as he said this, Soobin was already on his lap, all the bonds and warmth seemed to return, his body relaxed and for the first time in a long time he felt comfortable, his eyes began to close and with a short murmur he nodded to his husband and fell asleep.
"I will always be with you, my bunny" He was stroking Soobin's body, maybe the whole conversation wasn't over, but Soobin was now relaxed and sleeping peacefully.