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Todd was tired, like exhausted.
The week was going by incredibly slow and all he wanted to do was sleep. But with late night studying, meetings in the cave after hours, and him having trouble sleeping or staying asleep, he wasn’t getting much of that anytime soon. It was only Wednesday, and it felt like it should be Friday.
With the lack of sleep, everything Todd did was sheepish. He felt like he couldn’t regularly function with how tired he felt, which was expected. Neil began to become aware that something was a bit off with Todd, he chose to not say anything unless it got noticeably bad, which Todd appreciated. He knew that Neil could tell, and he cared, he always did. That’s one thing Todd liked about Neil, he didn’t have to say anything to him about how he felt, he just knew. Which Todd was thankful for, since he didn’t like talking about his feelings and emotions, he didn’t really like talking at all.
Todd was sat on his bed trying to study as much as he could for an upcoming test for his Latin class, although, with how fatigued he was, nothing would really stay in his head, he could barely even read for that matter. Neil was standing next to the window, reading over some poems. The almost set sun let in a soft light that added a small glow to Neil’s face, as well as adding an uneven shadow that casted over all the edges on his face. Todd hadn't noticed he was just staring at the other boy for a good minute until he set his book of poems onto the windowsill that had been coated with thick dust. Todd frantically looked back at his Latin textbook, pretending he was doing that the entire time.
Neil broke the silence, he began talking about something that had to do with poems and the meeting later tonight, although Todd enjoyed hearing Neil talk about random stuff, he was far too tired to actually acknowledge what he was saying or give real responses. So, all he got in reply was “mhm” or “yeah”. Todd just glared at the boy who was (what he was pretty sure) passionately rambling about poetry. Todd couldn't help the small smile that crept onto his face as he watched him through sleepy and bleary eyes.
“What do you think Todd, you wanna still come, right?” Hearing his name, it snapped Todd out of his trance.
“Hm, what- sorry?” He had no clue what Neil was talking about.
“You’re coming to the meeting tonight, right?” Neil repeated louder than the first time he had asked, letting out a small laugh.
Todd couldn’t decline, he’d feel awful. The last thing he wanted to do was have Neil mad at him or hurt his feelings by not going. I mean, Neil was great, like one of the nicest people Todd ever met, so he’d probably understand if he just told him he was tired and needed sleep. But there was also the other thought that’d he miss out on having fun with everyone else.
“Yeah,” Todd then responded simply, knowing he’d probably regret it later, but then again, he’d regret saying no so there’s no winning in this situation.
“Alright I was just wondering, you seemed a little out of it today. You don’t have to come if you’re not feeling great, alright?” Neil reassured.
Todd smiled a faux smile, although somewhat genuine in response to Neil showing he cared.
⟢
All the poets had gotten settled and were ready to start, Todd on the other hand; could barely deal with the walk over to the cave and felt like he should’ve been sleeping a while ago.
Todd sat on the cold, hard ground, resting his head in his hands. He tried to listen to Neil do the introduction to the meeting. But he just couldn’t, everything sounded muffled and his eyelids grew heavier and heavier by each word. Neil finished and closed the book, the loud thud of the pages slamming against each other had somewhat woken up Todd who was about to fall asleep. Neil then took a seat next to the tired blond and smiled. Todd had attempted to smile back but it was lazy and probably only half of one.
As Meeks began to read about a poem of life or friendship or something similar to that, Todd buried his head on his knees and couldn’t help but close his eyes. Which of course, resulted in him falling asleep.
“Todd?” Neil whispered to him as he nudged him gently with his elbow.
No response,
Neil then spoke again, still in a kind and soft tone, but louder than the last time. In response, Todd picked his head up slowly and muttered a response Neil couldn’t quite make out, but it just sounded like a low hum of acknowledgement.
“I’ll take you back to the dorm if you’re tired,” Neil suggested, still whispering softly, trying to not interrupt Meeks who was nearly finished reading his second poem, holding onto his shoulder.
Todd just let out a low hum yet again and ever so slightly nodded, his eyes still basically closed.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” he smiled.
Neil then stood up and reached out a hand to Todd to help him up. He clasped on and stood up sluggishly, stumbling over his own feet in the process.
“Sorry, I'm just gonna take Todd back to our dorm, I’ll probably come back after.” He announced,
Neil waved with his free hand and began walking out of the cave. Leading Todd out with him, he followed out and rubbed his eyes.
“You could’ve just said you were tired; you didn’t have to come.” Neil stated, smiling as he looked back at Todd who was clearly worn out.
“Sorry,” Todd mumbled quietly in response. Todd hated feeling like a nuisance, he also hated feeling like he had to be taken care of all the time. He felt vulnerable, but right now; he was far too tired to care.
Neil’s grip on the other boy's hand tightened as he spoke. "What? No, don’t be sorry. If anything, I should be sorry for practically dragging you out here.”
Todd couldn’t help but smile a tired smile. The reassurance that he wasn’t being a total annoyance made him feel better.
They continued to walk in silence, the only sounds being the chirping of crickets, the snapping of the twigs, and the crunching of the leaves that were underneath them as they treaded through the forest.
They had finally arrived back at the dorms, making sure they were absolutely silent and careful when they entered. Todd set his coat down onto the back of the chair that was placed in front the dorm room desk; not caring how it was placed. Then got into his bed.
“See you in the morning,” Neil said softly as he picked up his flashlight that he had set down onto the desk and began to open the door.
“Wait,” Todd called without thinking.
“Hm?” Neil turned around almost instantly,
“Could you-" Todd hesitated “could you stay.” His face flushed as he finished his sentence. God what was wrong with him?
He spoke up again; almost instantly regretting what he said, “No- sorry, you can go back, I'm being a nuisance. You can go back I wouldn’t want you to miss anything just because I don’t wanna be alone, sor-"
“Todd.” Neil said, cutting him off.
“I don’t mind, I’m not gonna miss anything, don’t worry.” Neil smiled and set his stuff back down onto the desk.
“Oh,” Todd replied, still embarrassed.
“Oh” he said, mocking Todd, smiling. “Do you want me to sit on your bed with you? I’ll probably just read for a bit.”
Todd nodded, “yeah, I’d like that.” He smiled.
Neil then sat up onto Todd’s bed, leaning his back against the wall and reaching for a book and his flashlight off of the desk, flicking on the flashlight as he began opening his book which was successfully retrieved from the desk.
Todd had now closed his eyes and began falling asleep, he appreciated Neil’s company, it made him feel safe and comforted.
Neil looked away from the words on the pages, he glanced over at Todd, checking up on him even though he knew he was fine and very much still just lying there.
The moon had shown brightly that night, causing the light to spill in through the window and glint onto Todd's pale demeanor. It was a mesmerizing sight, one Neil had enjoyed. The way Todd had looked in this moment made a smile sneak onto Neil’s face. He wasn’t even sure why. There was something about him that made Neil feel how he should feel about girls, just like everyone else, just like every normal boy did. Todd made him feel smitten, every time Todd spoke; Neil felt himself practically melt, every time he saw him; his knees would go weak, every time Todd spoke Neils name; he’d get a fluttering feeling in his stomach. To him, everything about Todd was perfect, he knew Todd definitely wouldn’t agree with that, which made his heart break more than anything. So, to Neil; maybe he wouldn’t mind being in love with another boy if it meant he was in love with Todd Anderson, sin or not.
Neil put a hand in Todd's hair, slightly running his fingers through his honey-colored hair. Todd was too tired to really notice or care, so he let him. Usually, he would’ve been extremely nervous and pushed him away. Not because he didn’t like Neil, but because he feels as if he almost shouldn’t. He was scared of romance to begin with, but being in love with someone he shouldn’t only makes it so much worse. Especially since he knew Neil wasn’t like that, he wasn’t like him. So who knows, maybe he’d be fine with loving another boy if that meant not being in love with Neil Perry, it was far too scary for Todd. but really, what wasn’t?
“Goodnight Todd, I love you.” Neil spoke quietly and softly, thinking Todd was already in a deep sleep, sending an unknown message to him, for only Neil to actually hear.
“Hm?” Todd hummed back, confused from being too tired to actually hear the other boy.
Neils face must’ve turned five shades of red from that as his face heated up, he was extremely embarrassed, unknowing that Todd had been awake.
“Oh, uh-nothing, good night.” He replied, hoping that it would cover up what he had previously said.
Todd just mumbled back, not caring enough to form real words to respond.
Neil let out a deep breath, not realizing he wasn’t breathing the entire time, his face still warm and red from his mistake.
⟢
The sun made its way slowly into the sky and spread its light over Welton Academy. The morning was quiet, with the exception of a group of birds that cawed and chirped loudly in the distance.
Both Todd and Neil were quickly awakened by the sound of their alarm clock going off. Neil woke up, in the same spot he fell asleep in last night; being Todd’s bed. He rubbed his eyes and looked over at Todd who was stretching, eyes still shut.
Todd opened his eyes to see a bed-headed and tired Neil. His face reddened, trying to retrace what happened last night. The memories finally caught up to him as Neil was getting up and beginning to grab all the stuff he needed to get ready.
Todd ran a hand through his equally messy hair then moved his hand down to his face to wipe his eyes to help himself wake up.
“Morning,” Neil smiled, peering over at Todd as he quickly combed through his hair.
“Morning.” Todd replied as he stood up.
Todd fixed up his blazer which he had slept in last night, attempting to look presentable. A memory appeared in his head of Neil saying something to him that he just couldn’t quite make out, usually he’d just forget about it. But if he didn’t at least ask, it’d probably annoy him the rest of the day.
“Neil,” he looked over at the sound of his name, he hummed in response as he re-buttoned his blazer.
“What did you say last night?” Todd questioned.
Neil felt panic arise, he tried to remain calm as he felt his face warm up.
“What do you mean?” Neil questioned him back, trying to think of what he was going to say to cover it up.
“I don’t know, I just remember you saying something to me last night and I just can’t remember what you actually said.”
“Yeah, I'm not sure.” He smiled awkwardly.
“Hm,” Todd tried to think, Neil felt his face turn redder, he began to think if he should just tell him.
“Todd,” Neil’s heart was beating out of his chest at this point.
Todd looked back over at Neil who was nervously fidgeting with the pin on his Welton blazer.
“I love you.” The words just came out with no thought, Neil wasn’t sure what to do after this.
Todd’s face began to burn as it became tinted with a deep red. He didn’t know what to say or do, he just stood wide eyed as he waited for something to happen.
Neil instantly began to regret what he said, noticing Todd's horrified expression. The air felt thick, it felt like he could pass out any second as his mind began rushing.
He began to apologize, not knowing what else to do. “I’m so sorry- I don’t know why I said that, well- I uh, sorr-”
He cut himself off when he noticed Todd’s arms wrapped around him, Neil wasn’t yet sure what this meant when it came to Todd reciprocating his feelings, but no matter what it meant; Neil appreciated it.
Neil lifted up his arms to hug him back, putting a hand in his hair. Both of them smiled at the warm embrace.
Todd pulled his head off of the taller boy's shoulder, he looked up at him with tears beginning to appear in his eyes and a quivering smile. The both of them studied each other's eyes, just staring at one another. Neil’s gaze went from Todd’s doe-like eyes to his lips, then eventually back up to his eyes. They both smiled wider, knowing they were both thinking the same thing.
The small gap in between them was no more as Neil put his lips to Todds. With one hand he held onto Todd’s waist and with the other he placed it on the side of his face. Todd wasn’t completely sure what to do with his hands at first, he then let his hand slide into Neil’s recently combed hair, causing it to get messy again then placed the other on his shoulder. They both leaned into the kiss, taking in every second.
They both broke away; they couldn’t help but to giggle and smile while doing so. Both of their faces warm and red, Neil brushed Todd’s cheek with the hand that had still stayed on his face.
“Neil,” Todd finally spoke, voice soft and slightly hoarse. Neither of them breaking eye contact once.
“Yeah?”
“I love you too.” Todd smiled, saying even softer than before.
Neil’s grin grew wider as he kissed him again. This time was shorter and felt like they’ve already a million times before, but still enjoyable. Neil pulled Todd closer as they both melted into the embrace. The taste of each other's lips transferred to the other as their lips felt as if they were magnetically drawn to each other.
Neil broke away this time, “okay, as great as this is and as much as I love you, we’re gonna be late for class.”
They remained close together; they both brought their arms down to link hands. Todd nodded and slightly laughed, “yeah.” Todd said shyly, never wanting this to end and praying this wasn’t just a one-time thing.
Neil picked up both of their hands, which were intertwined with one another’s and kissed Todd’s knuckles. He let their hands fall and they both just grinned at each other. It was almost like Neil knew what Todd was thinking and helped reassure him that this was most definitely going to happen more often and they were now more than just friends or roommates.