Archive of Our Own ^beta

How do you find out if a girl likes you without ever directly asking?

Jackie Taylor was very aware of how she felt about Shauna Shipman. She’d probably known since forever, in that weird, quiet way where something is so obvious that it barely feels like a revelation. Like how she knew the sun would rise in the morning or that Van would make some dumb joke before practice. It was just there , ingrained in her existence.

But knowing was one thing. Doing something about it?

Hell no.

Jackie may have been great at telling Jeff whatever he wanted to hear, at tossing around effortless flirtation with guys who’d trip over themselves at the barest hint of her attention. But Shauna? Her best friend? The smartest, funniest, prettiest, most effortlessly cool (and Jackie could go on forever, but she had some self-respect) person she’d ever met?

No. That was terrifying.

Jackie didn’t even want to imagine it, confessing and watching Shauna’s expression freeze in that polite, uncomfortable way, like she was trying to figure out how to let Jackie down easy. Or worse, like she hadn’t even considered the possibility before.

And besides, it wasn’t like Shauna would ever feel the same way, right?

So Jackie did what any totally sane and rational person would do: she came up with a plan.

A genius plan.

Step one was already in motion, her latest “break” with Jeff, which, for once, Jackie was actually going to keep permanent. Shauna had spent years telling her she could do better, and for once, Jackie was inclined to agree. Which meant step two was all about making Shauna aware of two crucial things:

1. Jackie Taylor liked girls.
2. Jackie Taylor liked a specific girl—Shauna Shipman.

Now, a normal person might just sit down and have an honest conversation. But Jackie Taylor? Absolutely not. Jackie Taylor was the type of person who would rather run a psychological warfare campaign on her own crush than admit she had feelings like a normal human being.

Which led her to the obvious conclusion:

She needed to make Shauna jealous .

If there was even a chance Shauna liked her back, this was the perfect way to find out. A little bit of light, strategic flirting. Nothing crazy, just enough to make Shauna think . If she didn’t react? Well, Jackie could just pretend it was all in good fun and suffer in silence for the rest of her life. But if she did ?

Game on.

The only problem? Jackie had no idea who to flirt with.

Because if she picked the wrong person, Shauna might just laugh it off. Or worse, start encouraging it.

Jackie had to be smart. She had to be tactical.

…She needed to find a girl.

A girl who wasn’t Shauna, but could still make Shauna think .

And Jackie knew just the person for the job. 

"Hey, Nat?"

Jackie had a feeling Nat would be chill about this. Sure, she’d probably find it hilarious that Jackie was scheming instead of just confessing like a normal person, but that was fine. Jackie was nothing if not committed to the bit , even if the bit was, unfortunately, her entire romantic life.

Besides, she wasn’t going to flirt with anyone without letting them know it meant nothing . She had some morals.

All she had to do first was casually come out to Nat.
No big deal.
Not terrifying at all.

"Yeah, what’s up?"

They were the last two in the locker room after practice. Shauna had gone home early to work on some project, which meant Jackie had strategically taken forever to pack up. She knew Nat liked to linger after practice, and this way, she had a clear shot at talking to her alone. Normally, she’d have left with Shauna, keeping her company (and maybe mildly distracting her), but tonight? Jackie was a girl on a mission.

She sauntered over to the bench where Nat was sitting and plopped down beside her.

"I have a, uh, favor? To ask."

Nat blinked at her, unimpressed. "…Okay?"

"I just need to provide some… context. Before I ask you," Jackie said, trying her best to sound casual.

God, how was she supposed to say this?

"Hey, Nat, I like girls! But specifically just one girl, and she’s Shauna Shipman, and instead of telling her like a functioning human being, I’ve decided to orchestrate an entire psychological experiment to gauge her interest!”

Yeah. No.

She’d spent the entire practice trying to come up with the perfect way to phrase it, and still, she had nothing .

"Is this why you were playing with two left feet today?" Nat asked.

Jackie scowled. "…Was I really that bad?"

"Yes." Nat deadpanned.

"Fantastic. I love that for me."

"So are you actually gonna tell me something, or are we just gonna sit here talking about nothing?"

Jackie let out a dramatic sigh. Nat’s directness was usually a good thing, but right now, Jackie needed her to let her flounder for a second.

"Yeah, yeah. Okay, so—" She took a breath. It’s now or never.

Nat arched an eyebrow. "So?"

Jackie wanted to die .

"So," she hesitated, "hypothetically, if someone you knew liked girls. Like, like like them. How would you feel?"

The last part came out barely above a squeak.

Nat just stared at her.

"…Nat?"

"I don’t give a shit if you’re gay, if that’s what you’re asking me."

Jackie exhaled like she had just survived a near-death experience. "Oh, thank God." She actually wiped at her forehead. She was that nervous.

Nat rolled her eyes. "That the context?"

"Yeah, that’s it."

"Alright. So what’s the favor?"

Now this was the easy part. Jackie was great at explaining things. Especially when she had a plan .

She leaned in slightly, lowering her voice like she was about to discuss classified government secrets. "Okay, so. I need to make someone jealous—"

"Shauna?"

Jackie immediately recoiled. "What?! No. Not Shauna."

Nat just looked at her. "Shauna."

Jackie groaned. "Fine. Shauna. Whatever." Of course Nat would know. Nat always knew.

"Anyway," she pressed on, "I need to make Shauna jealous, and that’s where you come in. Next time all the girls hang out, me and you need to flirt. In front of everyone. But specifically Shauna."

Nat tilted her head. "Is there a reason you can’t just, I don’t know, tell her ?"

"Many."

"Care to share?"

"No."

Nat smirked but let it slide. "Uh-huh. Okay."

She stretched her legs out in front of her, thinking for a moment. "So what, we just have to act a little flirty in front of everyone?"

Jackie nodded. "Basically."

"Anything specific, or can I do whatever?"

Jackie shrugged. "Whatever works. It doesn’t really matter. I just need to make Shauna jealous."

Nat let out a quiet laugh and shook her head. "You do realize Shauna’s going to be seething , right?"

Jackie’s heart did a weird little flip .

"She’s not gonna be that mad. Anyways she’d only react if she likes me back, so."

Nat gave her a look, like she wanted to say something, but she just nodded.

"Alright. I’m in."

Jackie blinked. "Really?"

"Yup."

Jackie hadn’t actually expected this to work .

"Awesome. I’ll see you around, then."

Nat got up, slinging her bag over her shoulder. "See you later, Taylor." She shot Jackie a wink while smirking before walking off.

Jackie sat there for a moment, her mind racing.

Her plan was forming. And if all went well?

Shauna Shipman was going to notice her. 

The opportunity to put her plan into action came way sooner than Jackie had expected.

Lottie’s parents were gone for the weekend ( again ), which meant only one thing: a team sleepover. Well, technically just the seniors, but still, it was a guaranteed night of ridiculous antics, alcohol, Shauna, and, most importantly, Nat .

Perfect.

Jackie was already at Shauna’s house before they headed over, because obviously, they always went together. And obviously, they were curled up under Shauna’s covers, comfortably stealing each other’s warmth like it was the most natural thing in the world. Because it was .

Jackie was so screwed.

"By the way, Shauna, I think I’m staying broken up with Jeff."

It wasn’t the first time she’d said it, but it was the first time she actually meant it.

Shauna, because she was Shauna , barely reacted, just hummed in acknowledgment. "You always say that, Jax."

Unfortunately, that was true. Jeff was easy, predictable, safe . Safe in a way that made sense for her parents , but never really made sense for her .

Jackie huffed. "Yeah, well, I’m serious this time."

Shauna turned to look at her then, brown eyes warm and full of so much : patience, fondness, that little bit of smugness she always got when she was right about something. Jackie could get lost in them forever.

"Okay. I believe you."

Jackie would like to formally disown her heart for whatever weird little thing it did in response to that.

Shauna just believed her. Just like that.

Jackie swallowed. "Thanks," she said, voice quieter now. "I just… want something more than him."

Shauna smiled at her, really smiled, and Jackie’s entire body felt like it had been hit with a heatwave. "I’m happy you’re finally realizing that."

She sounded genuine . Like she actually cared . Like she wasn’t just saying it for the sake of it, but because Jackie deserved more. Jackie wanted to scream into a pillow.

"Any reason you’re serious about it now?" Shauna asked.

Yeah, the reason is sitting two inches away from me right now, staring at me like I hung the goddamn stars in the sky.

Jackie forced a shrug. "Not really."

Shauna nodded, like she didn’t entirely believe her, but let it go.

And then she ruined everything.

"Well, whoever you date next better deserve you. If he doesn’t, I will kill him."

He.

Jackie hated how much that stupid, insignificant word made her want to scream . She hated that she couldn’t react to it like she wanted to. Instead, she grabbed the nearest pillow and smacked Shauna with it.

"Hey! None of that!"

Jackie just laughed. "You deserved it."

Shauna pouted. "Does this also mean you’re finally gonna stop pestering me about Randy?"

She said his name with so much disgust that Jackie actually beamed. "Yeah, yeah."

Shauna lit up . And Jackie, in turn, felt her stomach do about three somersaults.

She could live in this moment forever. Just the two of them, teasing, laughing, existing together in their own little world.

This was how Jackie always wanted it to be. But reality had other plans.

"Anyway, Lottie’s?" Jackie asked, sitting up.

The second she did, she regretted it. The warmth of Shauna, the cozy comfort of their little cocoon. It was gone.

Shauna stretched, looking entirely unbothered, before nodding. "Yeah, let’s go."

Jackie followed, but not before making a mental note:

She had a plan.

And tonight, it was happening.

"What is up you two!"

Van swung the door open with her usual, very extra enthusiasm, and Jackie and Shauna barely had time to process before they were being summoned inside.

Van was clearly already a few drinks in.

Jackie just laughed, exchanging a knowing look with Shauna before stepping in like they owned the place.

It didn’t take long to find the rest of the girls. The living room was its usual chaotic mess—bodies sprawled out, snacks and alcohol scattered across the table, music playing just low enough to still allow for conversation.

Van, ever attached to Taissa, made a beeline for her and flopped dramatically to the floor at her side. Lottie and Nat were perched on the couch, both looking like they had already settled in for the night. But the second Jackie walked in, Nat’s gaze snapped to her, sharp and expectant.

"Finally, you two showed up," Nat said, a smirk creeping onto her face.

Jackie rolled her eyes. "You guys are lucky we even grace you with our presence."

Nat huffed a laugh, but Jackie could feel the underlying message in her stare: Are you ready for this?

Jackie ignored it for now, settling onto the floor with Shauna. But, very consciously , she positioned herself closer to the couch, closer to Nat.

For now, though, she let herself relax. She was with her team, her friends, her people. The whole night was ahead of them.

"Where are your parents this time, Lott?" Tai asked, casually leaning into Van like they were molded together.

As Lottie answered, Jackie felt it.

The sinking weight of her own terrible, terrible planning. Because sure, she had technically come out to Nat. And that had been terrifying. But she hadn’t— had not, in any way —considered the fact that pulling off this ridiculous, convoluted, flirting-for-strategic-gain plan meant she was basically coming out to everyone .

Oh.

Oh no.

Jackie hadn’t thought this through at all . Her heart stuttered in her chest, an odd mix of panic and oh, well, it’s too late now .

And then Nat moved . Slipping off the couch, she dropped down next to Jackie, leaning in close enough that Jackie could feel the warmth of her breath.

"You ready for this?" she murmured, low and teasing, like she already knew the answer.

No.

No, Jackie was not ready for this. But she was in too deep. It was happening tonight . Jackie squared her shoulders, pushing the nerves down, down , where they couldn’t touch her. All she had to do was go through with it. All she had to do was see if Shauna reacted.

And hopefully, hopefully , everyone else was as cool about it as Nat had been.

Jackie had been very quick to join in on the alcohol.

It started with one shot of whatever fancy stuff Lottie had in her liquor cabinet—then another, then another, then… maybe wine? She wasn’t sure anymore. Didn’t matter. The whole team was drinking, anyway. She was just participating .

And if she needed the extra liquid courage for what she had planned? So be it.

Shauna, of course, noticed . Jackie could feel her eyes on her every time she took another sip, like she knew something was up but chose not to say anything. Shauna never called her out in front of the others, and Jackie was grateful for that. If she had, Jackie would’ve folded immediately .

But the confidence was kicking in, and right on time , because somehow, the night had spiraled into a game of Spin the Bottle . Not the kissing kind. No, this version was a mix of Truth or Dare, where whoever the bottle landed on had to answer a question or complete a dare.

And somehow , Jackie found herself sitting closer to Nat than usual.

Nat, who was exceptionally good at flirting for someone who usually avoided human interaction.

Jackie knew they hadn’t fully sold it yet, but the stage was set. This game? This was going to be the moment that changed things.

Van spun the bottle, watching with mischievous glee as it landed on Nat. "Okay, Nat. Truth or dare."

Nat barely hesitated. "Dare."

Obviously.

Van grinned. "Alright. Say the craziest pickup line to someone of your choosing."

A ripple of laughter spread through the circle. Jackie joined in, but she already knew what was about to happen. Sure enough, Nat turned slowly, purposely , until she was looking directly at Jackie.

The rest of the team? Surprised. Jackie? Not at all.

Nat smirked, leaning in slightly. "I’d say you’re out of my league, but honestly, I think we’re both playing an entirely different sport at this point."

The room erupted . Jackie didn’t even have time to process the laughter, she was too busy staying in character.

She tilted her head, letting her voice pitch up just slightly. "Oh yeah? What sports are we playing?"

This wasn’t anything new for her, flirting for sport. It felt the same as when she did it at parties with random guys.

Fake to her .
Very, very real to everyone else.

The room went still. Jackie could feel Shauna beside her, silent, focused. Watching.

"I could think of a couple," Nat mused, still smirking. "Wrestling, maybe. Or gymnastics."

Jackie giggled, brushing it off like it was nothing . But it was something.

When she finally glanced at Shauna, the girl was already staring at her, searching, like she was trying to figure out what the hell that was . Jackie just shrugged, the smirk still lingering on her lips.

Shauna didn’t say anything. But she did shift slightly, scooting closer, just enough for Jackie to feel it.

Jackie swallowed hard. Focus.

The game continued.

Van got dared to drink some ungodly concoction ( which she actually did ), Tai confessed that she thought Shauna was the best player on the team ( which Jackie fully agreed with ), and for a while, there weren’t any more opportunities for Jackie and Nat to really push their act further.

Until Nat spun the bottle. And it landed on Jackie.

Nat’s lips curled into a knowing smirk. "Truth or dare?"

Jackie raised an eyebrow. She could see the idea forming behind Nat’s eyes, and a small part of her was terrified of what she had planned.

Jackie smirked back. "Dare."

Nat barely hesitated. "I dare you to kiss someone."

WHAT?

The circle exploded at that.

Jackie felt her brain short-circuit .

Nat was enjoying this.

Jackie could feel Shauna shift beside her, but she didn’t dare look.

Before she could respond, Shauna’s hand landed gently on her shoulder. "Jax, you don’t have to if you don’t want to."

Jackie almost forgot how to breathe. The warmth of Shauna’s palm on her skin sent a shock through her, grounding her in a way that made her stomach twist. But this was exactly what she wanted.

"No, it’s okay." Jackie turned to Shauna, determined. "I’ll do it."

Shauna’s fingers tensed slightly before she pulled away.

Jackie knew what everyone was thinking. With the way she had turned to Shauna, the way she had looked at her, it was obvious. Shauna was the obvious choice.

And God , Jackie wanted to.

But she had a plan .

So she turned the other way. To Nat.

Nat was already watching her, like she knew where this was going. Like she was waiting .

The reaction around them was instant, voices overlapping, laughter, shock.

"Gonna contest my dare?" Nat teased, voice lazy, but there was an edge of amusement in her tone.

Jackie smirked. "Not in the slightest."

She leaned in, lowering her voice. "It was your dare, after all."

And then, just for Jackie, Nat said in a whisper, "Let’s sell this shit."

Jackie barely had time to react before they collided .

It was supposed to be just a second, quick, to the point. But Nat leaned in further, her arm coming up to steady Jackie, pressing into the kiss just enough to sell it . Jackie barely had time to process anything except, oh. This is better than kissing any man has ever been.

By the time they pulled away, Jackie was smirking . That had to work.

She glanced around the room.

Van let out a low whistle. "Holy shit . Where did that come from??"

Jackie just giggled, playing the part, while Nat stayed quiet, looking way too smug about the whole thing.

"Okay, keep your secrets, I guess," Van muttered, grabbing the bottle to keep the game going.

Jackie finally turned to Shauna. Or at least, she tried to.

Before she could even look, Shauna stood up abruptly.

"I’m going to the bathroom."

Too quick. Too stiff. Too obvious.

She didn’t wait for anyone to say anything before she disappeared down the hallway.

Jackie and Nat shared a look . That meant something .

And Jackie was going to find out exactly what.

Jackie found Shauna in one of the various bathrooms deep in the Matthews mansion, tucked away far enough that it actually took her a few minutes to find. Shauna had booked it after leaving the room, and that fact alone had Jackie on edge.

The door was shut, the light on, but the silence behind it was loud . Jackie hesitated before knocking, suddenly unsure.

She had been hoping for a reaction , but this ? If it wasn’t just Shauna actually needing to use the bathroom, then Jackie was—

She was worried .

“Shauna?”

The door swung open immediately . Jackie barely had time to register it before she was nearly knocked backward. Shauna stood there, expression unreadable, but her eyes —her eyes were sharp, flickering with something Jackie couldn’t quite place, and it made her stomach lurch.

The last time it was just them, they had been laughing . Now, Jackie felt drunk and shitty .

“Is that why you were so serious about being done with Jeff?” Shauna asked, voice clipped. “For Nat ?”

Jackie blinked. “What? No.”

“Then what the fuck was that, Jackie?”

Shauna’s voice rose , and Jackie flinched.

"The dare?"

Shauna deadpanned. “No, the bottle .” She crossed her arms. “Yes, I’m talking about the fucking dare.”

Jackie could barely process what was happening.

"Why are you getting so mad at me?" Her voice came out softer than she meant it to.

This wasn’t at all how she thought this would go. Shauna normally would’ve noticed the change in her tone, would’ve softened the second she realized Jackie was on the verge of curling in on herself. But she didn’t . Shauna was angry .

"Do you like Nat?" Shauna asked, completely ignoring the question.

“No.” Jackie ducked her head, suddenly too afraid to look Shauna in the eyes.

Because what if she was still mad?
Because what if she wasn’t ?

“Then what was that?”

Jackie opened her mouth, but no words came out.

She didn’t know what to say .

Shauna was yelling at her, and Jackie was starting to feel sick . Whether from the alcohol or from the way her body had started to shake, she wasn’t sure. Her stomach was twisting, her head swimming , and the moment she shifted on her feet, she stumbled .

She barely caught herself on the wall.

Shauna’s eyes flickered downward for the briefest second, taking in Jackie’s unsteady posture, the way she gripped the doorframe like it was the only thing keeping her upright.

Jackie hated the sudden prickle behind her eyes. She didn’t even know what she was apologizing for, but she felt like she had to.

“I’m sorry .”

The words slipped out before she could stop them.

Shauna hesitated. For the first time since Jackie had found her, Shauna hesitated.

Jackie barely noticed, because her vision was blurring, because her entire body was on the verge of collapsing in on itself.

And then Shauna spoke. Her voice was quieter now. Less biting.

“I just thought you were gonna kiss me for the dare.”

Jackie’s heart stopped . Then restarted. Then went into full-fledged overdrive . She barely had time to process it before Shauna kept talking.

“Everyone thought so too. I thought…” She hesitated. “I thought you had a crush on someone and didn’t tell me.”

A pause.

“On a girl .”

Jackie finally managed to lift her head. Shauna wasn’t angry anymore. She was just… looking at her. Not with judgment. Not with confusion. Just looking.

Jackie was crying, she realized then, silent tears streaming down her face, her breath coming too fast, too uneven.

And finally , Shauna seemed to see it.

Jackie swallowed. Forced herself to speak .

“Would it matter if it was a girl?”

Shauna’s brow furrowed. “What? No.”

Jackie nodded. A small, barely-there movement. She didn’t trust herself to say anything else.

She had definitely drank too much. It had taken Shauna’s anger to kickstart Jackie’s immune system into overdrive, because now?

Now, Jackie felt like she was drowning in it.

She leaned back against the wall, letting herself slide down to the floor. Shauna didn’t sit down with her. She almost did. Jackie could see it, the way she hesitated, the way her weight shifted like she was about to .

But she didn’t. Jackie wished she did.

Instead, Shauna asked, “Do you wanna go back to the others?”

Jackie almost laughed . Like she could just walk back in there and pretend like she hadn’t just fallen apart in a bathroom.

She exhaled sharply, voice strained. “No, Shauna, I don’t.”

She wanted to sound angry . Wanted to match the energy Shauna had given her earlier . But it came out weak .

Shauna’s fingers twitched at her sides. Her next words came softer.

“Do you want me to stay?”

Jackie’s stomach flipped . She wanted to scream yes .

But instead, her voice barely above a whisper, she said, “Do whatever the fuck you want, Shauna.”

She regretted it immediately .

Because Shauna walked away .

Jackie sat on the cold, expensive floor of the Matthews mansion, crying, after her so-called genius plan had failed spectacularly. She had expected a reaction, maybe a shift in Shauna’s expression, maybe a teasing comment later, something she could decode . 

But certainly not this . 

She was somehow further from an answer than when she had started. The whole point of this ridiculous, convoluted plan was to figure out one thing: Does Shauna like her? And now, Jackie didn’t know what she had figured out.

She had never seen Shauna angry like that. Not at her .

Jackie had always known Shauna had a tendency to bottle things up, keeping her feelings locked away until they built up too much and finally exploded . But even when they did, it was never at Jackie. She had always been the exception, the one person Shauna never snapped at, never lost her temper with. Until now.

Jackie wiped at her face, her hands unsteady. How had Nat known? When Jackie first pitched the plan, Nat had barely blinked before saying, Shauna’s gonna be seething. Jackie had laughed, shrugged it off, figured it was just Nat being Nat. Blunt, vaguely amused, making something out of nothing. But if she had known , if she had understood what Nat meant, she would have never gone through with it. She wouldn’t have done this.

Because now? Now she couldn’t stop replaying Shauna’s voice in her head. I just thought you were gonna kiss me for the dare.

Jackie squeezed her eyes shut, chest tightening. What did that mean ? Was Shauna just mad because she thought Jackie was keeping secrets from her? Was she upset because Jackie had never told her? Or did Jackie just want to believe it was something else? Because the way Shauna had said it. so quiet, so hesitant, made Jackie’s stomach flip in a way that had nothing to do with the alcohol still in her system. Had she imagined it? Had she wanted it to sound like that? Had Shauna wanted it to be her?

She let out a slow, shaking breath. She had to go back soon. She knew that. She couldn’t be gone too long before the others noticed, before the questions started. And Jackie wasn’t answering questions tonight. She had spent her whole life making sure people saw her a certain way. Jackie Taylor didn’t get upset. Jackie Taylor didn’t let things shake her. Jackie Taylor was perfect. Not this .

Forcing herself to stand, her legs felt weak beneath her, like she had just run sprints at practice, but she steadied herself. She stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. The light was still on from when Shauna had been in there. Jackie stared at her reflection in the mirror. She looked terrible . Dried tear tracks stained her cheeks, her eyes were red-rimmed, slightly swollen, raw . God, if she had put on makeup tonight, it would’ve been destroyed .

She let out a dry, humorless laugh. "God, I’m a mess."

Turning on the faucet, she cupped cold water in her hands and splashed it onto her face. It stung. It grounded her. She rubbed at her skin, running wet fingers over her cheeks, under her eyes, trying to erase the evidence. Because no one could see this. Not this .

When she looked at her reflection again, she looked… better. Not good , but better. At least now she didn’t look like she had just fallen apart over her best friend . She turned off the sink, steeled herself, and walked out.

She wasn’t sure how long she had been gone or how long ago Shauna had left. But she knew one thing:

She had people to go back to.

Jackie walked back into the living room, slipping through the doorway like nothing had happened. The girls were still talking, laughing, completely unaware of the way her world had cracked open in a bathroom upstairs. The game was abandoned, the circle broken, everyone back in their usual spots, comfortably sprawled across couches and floors like this was any other night.

Good.

That meant no one had noticed her absence. That meant she had time to compose herself, to erase every trace of what had just happened. That meant she could pretend .

Shauna was still sitting on the floor, in the same spot they had claimed together when they first arrived. But she wasn’t alone anymore. Lottie had joined her, the two of them leaning into the comfort of each other, the quiet intimacy that came with a team like theirs, like a sleepover like this.

Jackie knew it didn’t mean anything. Knew it was just familiarity, just ease.

But it still made her stomach twist .

Jackie didn’t go back to her spot.

Instead, she took a seat on the couch next to Nat, who barely reacted beyond a quick glance in her direction. For once, Nat didn’t look smug. She didn’t even look amused.

Jackie exhaled, slumping slightly.

Nat turned to her, lowering her voice. “You good?”

Jackie let out a quiet sigh. “Yeah.”

Nat didn’t even blink. “You’re lying.”

Jackie huffed a humorless laugh. “I know.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Nat’s voice was cautious.

“Not really.”

Nat nodded, like she had expected that answer. They weren’t that close, not in the way Jackie was with Shauna, but Nat had always been steady. Even when she was distant, even when she made it seem like she didn’t care much about anything, she was steady .

Jackie appreciated that more than she could say.

Nat hesitated for a beat before speaking again. “You definitely got the answer you wanted, though.”

Jackie frowned, her body still humming with uncertainty. “Huh?”

“Her reaction probably didn’t seem like it, but she likes you, dude.” Nat said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, like it wasn’t even up for debate.

Jackie blinked. “I don’t know.”

Nat gave her a look. “I know she does. You just have to tell her how you feel.”

Jackie let out a short, dry laugh. “You make it sound easy.”

Nat shrugged. “I know it’s not, but you gotta.”

Jackie stared down at her hands, rubbing her thumb over the edge of her sleeve. “What do I even say?”

Nat studied her for a second, then asked, “How long have you liked her?”

Jackie hesitated, her throat tightening around the truth. “I don’t know? Probably forever?”

“Start with that.”

Jackie barely had time to process that before Nat’s hand landed lightly on her shoulder, grounding her. The two of them turned their heads at the same time, their gazes settling on Shauna.

She was already staring right at them.

Her jaw was clenched, eyes dark, expression unreadable.

The moment their eyes met, she looked away . Quickly.

Nat exhaled sharply. “Maybe deal with that first, though.”

It was hours before the house settled, before the noise softened, before the warmth of laughter and voices dimmed into quiet breathing and shifting bodies beneath heavy blankets. The living room was a mess of pillows and tangled limbs, the remnants of a night that felt like it had stretched on forever.

Jackie and Shauna had gravitated toward each other despite everything, drawn together by some invisible force neither of them could resist. It was just how they were. Even in silence.

They were in the center of the group, side by side, but not quite together . There was distance, more than usual, an unfamiliar gap that felt wider than it was. Jackie was on her back, staring into the infinite darkness, the ceiling dissolving into nothing. She couldn’t sleep. Her mind was running in circles, trying to figure out what now , trying not to focus on the fact that she could feel Shauna beside her, could sense every shift, every tiny movement, despite the space between them.

Eventually, the weight of being trapped in her own head was too much.

"Shauna?" she whispered, barely breathing the name. Was Shauna still awake, plagued by her thoughts too?

A pause. Then— "Yeah?"

Jackie hadn’t thought this through. She hadn’t decided what to say. She just needed to hear her, needed to break through the static in her own mind.

Shauna’s voice was softer when she spoke again. "Jackie? You okay?"

Jackie hesitated. "I don’t know."

There was movement. A slight rustling of fabric, the sound of a blanket shifting. And then Jackie felt it, a gentle brush against her arm, a barely-there warmth.

Shauna had moved closer.

Jackie swallowed, afraid to look, but she did anyway. Even in the dark, she could tell Shauna was already staring at her.

She didn’t need the light to recognize her face.

Jackie knew the outline of Shauna’s head like she knew her own hands, had spent years memorizing every detail without even realizing it.

"Hey," Shauna murmured first.

"Hey," Jackie echoed.

The silence between them stretched. Not tense, not uncomfortable, just heavy . Like they were standing at the edge of something too big to name, too terrifying to acknowledge. Jackie was hyper-aware of how close they were now, how Shauna’s presence pressed into her, how it had always been like this.

Hundreds of sleepovers, summer camps, nights curled up in the same bed, tangled up in each other without thinking twice. Jackie and Shauna, Shauna and Jackie, so close they were almost one.

Jackie couldn’t help but think this is how it’s supposed to be.

Shauna broke the silence first. " I didn’t mean to make you cry ." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I’m sorry."

Jackie swallowed hard. "Why were you so angry?"

Shauna hesitated. "I…" She exhaled, like she was forcing herself to say it. "I was upset because I thought you were keeping secrets from me."

It sounded measured , careful. Too careful. 

Jackie knew Shauna. Shauna didn’t talk about her feelings like this. Maybe that was part of it. But was it all of it? Or was Jackie just hoping there was more?

Her heart was pounding before she even opened her mouth again.

"Did you want me to kiss you?"

The words hung between them.

Shauna froze .

"What?" The word came out too fast, like it had startled her.

Jackie turned onto her back again, staring straight up into the void, her pulse roaring in her ears. She wasn’t sure where this was going, wasn’t sure she wanted to know. She was terrified to see Shauna’s face, to catch even a hint of rejection, or confusion, or anything that could confirm her worst fear.

So she didn’t look.

"The dare," Jackie murmured.

It felt impossible, this conversation. A breath away from disaster, from relief, from something .

She felt Shauna shift again, and then, contact .

Their shoulders touched, barely, but it was enough to ignite something in Jackie’s chest, something that felt like free-falling. 

Two girls, side by side. On the edge of everything, or maybe nothing at all .

Jackie barely had time to register the warmth before Shauna spoke.

" Would you hate it if I had? "

Jackie died .

Came back to life.

Died again.

Her stomach was a storm of butterflies, her head was spinning, she could barely breathe .

Her voice shook, but she said it anyway.

" I’d like it. "

The moment stretched, their words sitting between them, fragile, delicate. They hadn’t actually said anything, not really, but they had said everything . Jackie could barely hear her own spiraling thoughts over the deafening sound of her own heartbeat. She felt sick. She felt electric. She felt alive .

They didn’t speak after that. Didn’t turn to look at each other again.

Instead, Jackie shifted her hand slightly, brushing her pinky against Shauna’s. So gentle, so light, it could have been an accident. But it wasn’t.

Shauna didn’t pull away.

Jackie curled her pinky around hers, holding on in the smallest, most terrifying way. It was something they always did, something normal, something that had never meant anything before, and yet right now, it meant everything .

As Jackie lay there in the dark, Shauna beside her, their friends asleep around them, her eyes adjusted to the never-ending black. She could see the faint static, the visual snow from the absence of light, the tiny specks of nothingness that filled her vision.

Jackie imagined they were stars .

She imagined she and Shauna were stargazing, floating somewhere in the infinite, staring into something vast and unknowable.

And in that moment, she felt it. Every moment of her life, every moment with Shauna, had led to this. To them .

To the universe shrinking down to the space between their hands.