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“Great day to be alive, wouldn't you say so, Shadow?” Sonic stated as Shadow came to a screeching halt.
They were outside Tails’ Workshop; Shadow happened to be passing by while Sonic was leaving, and Shadow was just annoyed enough by the perky comment to approach the blue hedgehog.
“Sure it is, Hedgehog,” Shadow retorted sarcastically. “Then again, every day is just perfect for you, isn't it?”
Sonic raised a brow in confusion. “Our world is back together, Shadow. I thought you'd be happy about that.”
It had been a few weeks since the Shatterverse incident, and life had mostly returned to normal. Too normal, as far as Shadow was concerned.
In all the time that had passed, Sonic had not once dropped that iconic megawatt grin.
And it was starting to get on Shadow's last nerve.
“You're as irritating as always, Faker,” Shadow remarked, rolling his eyes. “Your entire world crumbled, and you almost disappeared from this plane of existence. But here you are, smiling like nothing happened.”
“Appreciate the concern, Shads.” Sonic put a hand on the striped hedgehog's shoulder. “But I really am fine. The joy I felt seeing my friends once again made everything worth it.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Plus, I prefer to live in the moment. No use regretting the past.”
Shadow grunted and pulled away. He didn't believe the blue hedgehog's facade for even a second. The fear and pain, hidden deep in pools of emerald eyes, was buried beyond reach.
How could he get the hedgehog to admit it? And why did it bother him so much that Sonic kept up that damn smile?
Against his better judgment, Shadow decided to provoke the Blue Blur.
“You really think it's that easy to just let go of the past?”
Sonic paused for a moment. “Sure it is, Shadow. Sometimes it's as simple as choosing to smile even when you don't want to. You should try it sometime.” He beamed that iconic grin once more, further pissing off the striped hedgehog.
“Guess that's easy for you to say,” Shadow snapped, venom in his voice. “You still haven't dealt with the Shatterverse aftermath, have you? It just didn't affect you the way it affected everyone else then. The way it affected me.”
He hadn't meant to deal such a low blow, but he was just so angry by Sonic's toxically positive outlook on life.
Sonic’s brow furrowed, his smile replaced by a scowl. The first downturned expression Shadow had seen from him in weeks.
“You take that back, you Faker. You have no idea what I went through when our world fell apart. Stranded in a world around people I recognized, who had no idea who I was. Last I checked you weren’t even able to travel back and forth between realities, so I was stuck handling it alone until the end.”
“Finally, the first real emotion I've seen on your face since the Shatterverse incident.” Shadow breathed a sigh of relief. “Nobody's telling you not to smile, Hedgehog. Though nothing but smiling is unreasonable to ask of someone, even you. Talk to me about it.”
The blue hedgehog narrowed his eyes in doubt, unsure of Shadow’s angle. “...Is this just some kind of game to you, Shadow? Wait till the blue hedgehog is vulnerable and hit him where it hurts. You think I don't know how hard it is to smile all the time? You don't understand me at all.” Sonic turned away, avoiding eye contact with the striped hedgehog.
Shadow reached out for his shoulder, hovering over it in unsureness. “That's where you're wrong. I do understand. You hide behind that fake smile and that fake confidence to keep the world at arm's length.”
“Says the hedgehog who hides behind his fake emo persona and fake aloof demeanor to do the same damn thing.”
“It's not fake of me to distance myself from the world after everything I've experienced,” Shadow retorted, retracting his hand.
Sonic rolled his eyes and turned to face Shadow. “But it's fake if I do it with a smile plastered on my face. Get real. Why do you even care?!” the blue hedgehog shouted, his voice cracking.
Why indeed. Shadow couldn't pinpoint it himself.
“I-I don't—”
“Save it, Shadow. I don't wanna hear it. I'm…gonna go for a run. Don't look for me.”
Shit.
“Sonic, wait!” But he was already gone.
Why did Shadow have to open his damn mouth? Better yet, why did he always have to shove an Air Shoe into it when he was talking to Sonic specifically?
Why did he even care if Sonic dealt with his trauma or not? It made no difference in his life whether the blue hedgehog opened up about it or locked it away forever.
And yet…he found himself wanting to chase after Sonic.
A part of him wanted to apologize for snapping. On the other hand, he wanted to dig at Sonic even more. He wanted to shout, laugh, cry, hug (he shuddered at the thought of the last bit)—anything to get the Blue Blur to open up. He wanted an ounce of honesty and vulnerability from the blue hedgehog. Was that too much to ask for?
We aren't even friends. Of course he wouldn't want to open up.
For some reason, he felt this inextricable need to be the one that Sonic shared his troubles with. And he hated that need with every fiber of his being.
Why did he want to be that person? Maybe he sadistically wanted to watch Sonic's reality check. Or maybe, just maybe, he simply wanted affirmation that someone like him felt how he did inside.
Shadow let out an ironic chuckle. The hedgehog definitely knew how to drive him mad in more ways than one.
“Worried about him too, huh, Shadow?” A familiar voice sounded behind him, interrupting his train of thought.
“I…wouldn't say that.” Shadow averted his gaze, stoically reverting to his usual aloofness.
The two-tailed fox walked forward, forcing uncomfortable eye contact. “Well, either you're worried about him, or you just did all that to piss him off. But you're not the type to provoke someone without a reason. Are you, Shadow?”
“Tch.” He hated how observant the fox kid could be.
Tails took the noise as confirmation of his first theory. “He won't even open up to me, and I'm his little brother. Wears that stupid smile even though all of us know the pressure he's under.”
“You don't know the half of it,” Shadow answered, recognizing that Sonic had chosen against telling the others about the Shatterverse incident. Choosing to quietly carry the burden, as always.
“Something happened the day Eggman tried to excavate the Paradox Prism, didn't it? Sonic's been exhibiting high levels of cortisol lately, combined with an anxious attachment style. Before he felt very secure in his friendships, but lately he looks at all of us like we might disappear at the slightest misstep. He's always been a little overprotective, but recently he’s been jumpy at the idea of any of us taking on solo missions.”
Shadow sighed and broke eye contact, gazing downward at his shoes. Sonic was going to have his head for this, but there was no way out. The fox was too intelligent and would see through any half-truths.
“The Prism shattered, initially, and it was Sonic's fault. It led to a Shatterverse with altered realities, with different versions of you and the others inside. I was launched into The Void, unable to enter or leave any reality except our own, which was a ghost zone. Since Sonic had absorbed the Prism energy, he could come and go as he pleased. He spent days, if not weeks, unsure if he'd ever see you again. In the end, we still almost failed, and he almost stopped existing.” His voice broke slightly on the last word as he recalled holding the translucent hedgehog in his arms.
Tails let out a loud, clear whistle. “Of all the explanations I expected to hear, this one's a doozy. Explains his recent behavior though. Hope my alternate counterparts didn't give you two a hard time.”
Shadow rolled his eyes, distinctly remembering Nine's Grim world “paradise”. “Well, Nine was too smart for his own good and is the reason we almost failed, but he also figured out how to fix everything, so I suppose it worked out.”
Tails’ mouth fell open, shocked by the striped hedgehog's words. “I…betrayed Sonic?”
“Not you, Tails. Nine did. You are not Nine, and he's not you. Something Sonic also didn't seem to understand.”
The two-tailed fox shook his head. “He can be pretty stubborn. He probably thought that we had to be the same deep down and didn't consider that their life experiences would still greatly impact their decision-making. That being said, it sounds like he was lucky to have at least one familiar person on his side.” Tails weakly smiled at the black and red hedgehog.
“I don't know if luck is the right word…” Shadow's words dropped off as he fell deep into thought once more.
Tails put a hand on the striped hedgehog's shoulder. “Shadow, you might be the only one who can get through to him. If you wanna find him, check the top of the Loop de Loop. Lately he's been going there a lot.”
Shadow nodded, jabbing the fox's arm to push his hand off.
The two-tailed genius rolled his eyes at the hedgehog's violent front. “Good luck, Shadow. Maybe he'll get through to you, too.”
Within a blink, Shadow disappeared, ready to find his blue rival.
--o--
Green Hills. Lush scenery expanded outward from all angles, with snaking pathways coiling around all the decadent flora and fauna. The grass crunched softly beneath Shadow as he made his way toward the Loop. He had run through this place countless times, and yet he never tired of seeing the landscape, as it reminded him of the world Maria wished to see in her lifetime.
Which made it even harder for him when Sonic almost destroyed the entirety of it by accident.
He picked up a couple of Rings along the way, unsure of what Sonic's mental state and response to his arrival would be.
As he sped through Hedgehog's Pass, he looked up toward the aforementioned Loop de Loop, seeking the silhouette of his speedster rival.
Sure enough, a shadowy outline similar to his own rested atop the Loop.
Once he got close enough, he leapt toward the edge, curling into a spin to reinforce his momentum. He gracefully stuck the landing, as he expected.
Shadow approached the blue hedgehog, who was seated on the opposite edge, legs dangling.
The striped hedgehog took a seat.
“I thought I told you not to look for me,” Sonic simply stated, a forlorn look on his face.
“I never listened to a coward before, so I wasn't about to start now.”
Sonic grimaced. “Can't believe I'm the coward when you spend all your time running away from your feelings.”
Shadow raised a brow. “And you don't?”
They sat in silence, staring at the sunset. Vivid oranges, pinks, and purples blended together in the sky as the sun sunk below the horizon. The stars slowly started to appear, dotting the sky with twinkling brilliance.
Sonic pulled his legs to his chest and curled up, deep in thought.
Shadow glanced over at the blue hedgehog, searching for Sonic's real thoughts and feelings through his body language.
The war-torn blue speedster had been through so much, especially recently. He had saved the world more times than Shadow could count in his brief lifetime (though he arguably almost destroyed it some of those times).
In this moment, the blue form in front of him looked frail, fragile to the touch. His usually well-kept fur and quills were disheveled, his gloves and boots worn down and lacking their typical polish.
Tears started to streak down the blue hedgehog's muzzle. He started to rock slowly, a light gasping between shudders that slowly escalated into frazzled panic. As he began to hyperventilate, Shadow placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.
He had never seen this level of vulnerability from Sonic.
The striped hedgehog recalled something Maria had taught him to do in situations like this. He decided to try it.
“Take a deep breath, Hedgehog. Name three things you can see.”
Sonic shuddered. “W-what good will that—”
“Just. Trust me.”
The blue hedgehog was still unsure but complied nonetheless. “Uh, H-Hedgehog's Pass,” he stammered, glancing around. “The m-moon, with the chunk still missing…and Rings.”
Shadow modeled another deep breath. “Two things you can hear.”
Sonic's ears twitched as he took in his surroundings. “Flickies ch-chirping. M-motobug engines whirring below.”
“And one thing you can touch.”
Sonic paused for a moment. He placed his hand atop Shadow's. “You.”
A few minutes passed, both hedgehogs taking even, calm breaths as Sonic's breathing leveled.
Shadow sighed, a breath of relief and frustration all at once as he pulled away from the blue hedgehog. “You wear a smile so that people don't worry about you, but it worries people more when you do that.”
“...Still better than letting them see me like this,” Sonic insisted, sniffling and wiping his eyes.
“Is it really so shameful to show the world something besides a smile?” Shadow asked, reflecting on his own grim countenance 95% of the time.
“For Sonic the Hedgehog, it is,” the blue hedgehog answered, shaking his head. “You never smile, I never frown. What a twisted pair we make.”
A brief, “twisted” smile crept up Shadow's face in response. “Doesn't mean we can't share those sides with one another sometimes.”
Sonic raised a brow at the striped hedgehog's suggestion. “You can barely tolerate me nine times out of ten.”
“Wrong, I can barely tolerate the facade you put on for the rest of the world. Nobody who's been through everything you have is the definition of joy and sunshine.” Shadow drew his own legs forward. “I know I'm not.”
Sonic placed a hand on the black and red hedgehog's back. “You don't have to be happy all the time, you know. Smiling sometimes…doesn't nullify the pain of the past. Being willing to smile in the middle of that pain is its own strength, too.”
Shadow turned his head, shaking off the blue hedgehog's hand. “Impossible. Being unafraid to show your pain and rage is strength.”
Sonic sighed. “Maybe both can be true.”
As they continued to sit under the stars, Sonic perched his head on Shadow's shoulder, much to the striped hedgehog's chagrin.
“You know, I really thought it was all over when Nine stole all the Prism pieces. And when we finally fixed our world, I started to dematerialize.” Sonic gave an ironic chuckle. “If it weren't for you and the Amy Army…I wouldn't be here talking to you right now.”
“...As much as it pains me to say it, this world couldn't operate properly without you. Your friends depend on your leadership.”
“Well, I am pretty good at what I do,” Sonic replied, a smirk on his lips. “We need you too, you know.”
“I know. I am the Ultimate Lifeform, after all.”
A few more minutes ticked by as the two watched the night sky, Shadow's head slowly leaning toward Sonic's.
“Hey, Shadow?”
“Hm?”
“Thanks for making me talk about everything. I'm…glad I have a rival like you to remind me it's okay to have these feelings.”
“Please don't mention it,” Shadow remarked, albeit with slightly less distaste than normal.
“Mention it at every avenue and plotline going forward, got it.” Sonic laughed, clearly joking with his words.
“Don't have to be a prick about it, Hedgehog.”
Sonic raised both brows in response. “Was that a thinly veiled hedgehog pun? Green Hill, the world must be ending.”
Shadow punched Sonic in the side. “Your world is gonna end if you keep that up.”
Sonic smirked and made a heart shape with his hands.
“Aww heart you too, Shadow.”
The striped hedgehog rolled his eyes at the words, but continued to rest his head atop Sonic's as they watched the stars together, finding peace in one another at least until the night ended.