Chapter Text
“Good morning, Abbott Elementary!” Melissa entered the teacher’s lounge with a whoop, Jacob following shortly behind her. “All of you, keep your Super Bowl Sundays cleared. You’re coming to my house for a watch party. Don’t worry about bringing anything, Jacob’s got it covered.”
“I wasn’t aware I had it covered,” Jacob said, sliding into his seat.
“Well, now you are. And hey, if you didn’t want to deal with hosting, you shouldn’t have asked me if we could have a watch party.”
“You wanted to have the watch party?” Gregory said, cocking an eyebrow. “I thought you hate football.”
“Look, while I don’t see any entertainment in a sport that encourages young men to destroy their bodies-”
“That is the entertainment,” Melissa interjected.
“-I will be watching this year, if only for the halftime show. It’s the closest I’ll get to seeing Kendrick and SZA on the GNX tour.”
“Well, Gregory and I will be more than happy to spend our first Super Bowl as a couple with you all,” Janine said, smiling brightly as she and Gregory intertwined their fingers together.
“Ugh,” Ava sounded from the coffee machine. “We’ve already got to deal with your headassery at school. I’m not going to deal with it outside of school, too.”
“I will tell you what I am not dealing with this year, and that is the MMM that will ensue if the Eagles lose," Barbara said, throwing her hands in the air.
"What's MMM?" Janine asked.
"Melissa's Mental Mudslide," Barbara and Melissa said in unison. "Suffered through it once in 2005, then again in 2023," Barbara said with a shiver. "I do not intend on suffering through it again. MMM duty is on you this year, Jacob."
“Why am I being given all of the tasks?”
“Fear not, Jacob. I’ve been working on my sugar cookie recipe since December, and I’ve finally cracked the code. Dessert’s on me.”
(“Drinks are also on us,” Gregory informed the camera crew later that morning. “Let’s just say that Janine hasn’t cracked the code on those cookies quite yet.”)
“What’s going on in here?” Mr. Johnson asked, shuffling in with his mop bucket.
“Super Bowl watch party at my place. You in, Mr. Johnson?”
“Hell, why not? Nothing will ever beat the time I went to the Super Bowl, but I’ll still stop by for your little party.”
“Woah, you went to the Super Bowl?” Gregory asked. “What was that like?”
“It was great! Steelers beat the Vikings 16 to 6. No better team to support.”
(“When Mr. Johnson said he supported the Steelers, did he mean, like, as a fan?” Jacob asked the camera crew. “Or as a player?”)
“I have to say, Melissa, I knew you’d be happy, but I didn’t think you’d be this happy,” Janine said, snapping her reading glasses shut.
“Of course I’m happy. How could I not be happy? We’re going to the Super Bowl!”
“Wow,” Gregory said, the hint of a smile dusting his face. “Never thought I’d live to see the day where you were excited about a Chiefs game.”
“What the fuck did you just say to me?”
The teachers fell silent, the only source of sound the TikToks Ava was playing aloud on her phone, completely disengaged from the conversation. “The Eagles are going up against the Chiefs,” Gregory said slowly.
“No.” Melissa laughed, but there was no humor to be found in it. “No. No. The Bills beat them last night. We’re going up against the Bills!” Twisting in her seat, Melissa tugged on Jacob’s cardigan. “Jacob. Jacob. Didn’t you say that the Bills beat the Chiefs?”
Jacob was currently enraptured by the Tupperware of ziti spinning around in the microwave. “I did say that,” he confirmed, clearing his throat. “But I... may have been lying so you would agree to invite everyone over.”
“Son of a bitch.” Barbara grabbed Melissa by the arm before she could lunge at Jacob, giving him just enough time to jump behind Gregory. “I’m going to fucking kill you!”
“Please don’t let her kill me,” Jacob whispered to Gregory.
“You better not kill him on school property! Who do you think is going to have to clean that up if you do?”
“There won’t be a mess if I strangle him to death.” Melissa broke free from Barbara’s hold in time for Jacob to run out of the teacher’s lounge, both his and Melissa’s belongings abandoned at their tables as she chased after him. “Jacob Alexander Hill!”
Melissa was in her office within a minute, already exasperated. “What do you want, Ava? I’ve got a class of kids to teach skip counting.”
“I have a request.” Ava gestured to the seat across her desk, which Melissa sat down in with a grumble. “I would like to bring a plus one to your watch party. And don’t ask me who, because it doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter, because we’re having it at my house.”
Ava ran through the list of threats she could use. Cutting Melissa’s salary was a no-go, since there wasn’t much lower it could go. Firing her was unfortunately also out of the question, since there was little hope of finding someone who would accept her job for the aforementioned salary. Unfortunately, it seemed that she had to submit to Melissa’s demands. “That IT guy. O’Shon or whatever.”
“Hm." Ava could see how Melissa's mouth threatened to curl up into a smirk. "Fine. He can take Jacob’s spot.”
“Great. The less men around to annoy me, the better. Now go back to teaching your kids how to skip class or whatever.”
“Skip counting.”
“Well, you can skip count me out of that lesson.”
For awhile, she stared at her office landline, willing her prospective guest to sense that she wanted to speak to him and call her first. But of course, chivalry was dead, and he didn't call, so she did instead.
“Principal Coleman.”
So he had her number saved. “O’Shon. You got any plans for Super Bowl Sunday?”
“My cousins and I usually rotate on hosting every year. Still waiting to see if someone else is going to offer first.”
“Don’t bother. Melissa’s having a watch party at her house. You can come if you want or whatever.”
“Or whatever,” O’Shon repeated slowly. “I’d love to come.”
“Good. See you there. Or whatever.”
“Or whatever.”
She could hear the smile in his voice. She hung up before her voice could betray hers.
“We come beering gifts!” Janine soldiered inside, a comically large case of beer in her arms. “Get it? Bearing gifts? Beering gifts? Bear-“
“She gets it, Janine.” Gregory elbowed the front door shut, his hands currently occupied with a Tupperware of cookies. “Thanks for having us, Melissa.”
“You better hope the Eagles win, or you won’t be feeling thankful much longer.”
Kicking off their shoes, Janine and Gregory followed Melissa into the dining room. “Where’s Jacob?” Janine asked, setting the case down on the table.
“Off to pick up the wings from Danny’s Wok.”
“Danny’s Wok?” Gregory repeated. “Won’t it be crazy busy?”
“Of course it’ll be. Told him he had to earn his invitation to the party back. It’ll be a miracle if he’s back before the game starts.” Melissa snorted, then groaned. “Dammit. It’ll be a miracle if he’s back before the game starts.”
“Well, if we get too hungry to wait, we can always start with dessert first!”
“I think I’ll pass,” Melissa said, pointedly ignoring the Tupperware Janine was currently shoving in her face. “Anyone want a coffee?”
“I’ll take one,” Gregory said.
“Follow me, then.”
Barbara and Gerald had already arrived, standing vigil over Melissa’s Keurig with mugs of coffee they were slowly slipping from. “Janine, Gregory, good evening,” Barbara said with a smile. “Excited for the game?”
“Totally! Oh my gosh, Gregory and I are like, such a sports couple. He watches the game, I watch the game, I think the game is boring, I go on my phone… it’s great.”
"I hear you're from Baltimore, Gregory," Gerald said. "Can we count on you to root for the Eagles tonight?”
“Tonight, sure. Come next season, it’s back to the Ravens for me, though.”
“One more peep out of you, and I’m making you climb the light pole down the street,” Melissa said.
“Don’t the police grease the poles to stop people from climbing them after the game?”
“Please, that just motivates people to climb them more.” When the coffee machine finally sputtered to a start, Melissa stepped back. "If it comes to life and starts destroying everything, come get me. Otherwise, leave me be. I'm stuck with setting up now that Jacob's MIA."
“What’s on the menu tonight, Chef Schemmenti?” Gerald asked.
“Wings- hopefully, at least- pizza, chips and dip, and sliders. Don’t worry, Gregory, I’ve got water for you.”
“For your information, I do enjoy a nice chicken slider.”
“Yeah, as long as it’s got no trimmings, toppings, or seasoning, which all of mine do.”
When Melissa stepped out, Janine stepped forward, snapping open the Tupperware. "If you'd like a snack before then, Chef Janine's got you covered. Behold, the world's most perfect football sugar cookies."
“Oh, Janine!” Barbara snapped a cookie in half, her and Gerald biting into their pieces with identical smiles that soon gave way to identical grimaces. “Oh, Janine.”
“I think you may have overbaked these, honey,” Gerald said, wincing as he swallowed.
“Oh, I know! But as I was baking them, I thought to myself, why settle for only making the cookies look like footballs when I could also make them taste like it?”
“I told her that was a bad idea.”
She spotted O'Shon in his car just as she pulled up to Melissa's house. Not that Ava was looking for him- There was just no ignoring a man who drove a leased preowned.
He was inspecting himself in the rearview mirror, microscopically tilting his glasses up and down until they were at what he perceived to be a perfect angle. She watched how he tugged his shirt down, tugged his collar evenly, tugged at her heartstrings.
Ava waited until he had gotten out of his car to open the door of hers. O'Shon jogged over to her immediately, pulling the rest of the door open and holding out a hand for her to take, which she didn't.
So chivalry wasn’t entirely dead. She could work with that.
“Ava, hey,” he said. He sounded a little breathless, the way he only seemed to sound when he was with her. “Excited for the game?”
“Am I excited for a game featuring the Kansas City Cheats? Hell no. Just excited for the commercials and the halftime show.”
“It was nice of Kendrick and SZA to let the Chiefs and Eagles have a football match in the middle of their concert.”
It was the same joke everyone made every time the Super Bowl halftime performer was announced. She wasn't sure why she had to bite back a laugh at it now with him. Maybe he was the reason. “Janine made cookies," she said. "Don't eat them."
“The party has arrived, ladies and gentlemen!” Mr. Johnson glided inside, returning the hug Janine extended to him. “Before you ask, Melissa, yes, that is a G-Wagen, and no, I won’t let you drive it. You missed your chance with me when you backed out on our date at Rita’s.”
“Believe me, I’m wishing I took you out instead of Jacob that day. Where the hell is that guy? The game’s about to start.”
“He says he just turned into the neighborhood,” Gregory piped up, holding his phone to his ear.
“Give that here.” Before he could hand it over, his phone was plucked out of his hands and placed on speaker. “If those wings aren’t on my table within the next ten minutes, I’m evicting you.”
“Don’t worry, I’m going as fast as I can.”
“What are you, nuts? You know the roads in the neighborhood are still icy!”
“Right, right, sorry. Um, I’m going as safely as I can?”
“Good.” Melissa hung up, dropping Gregory’s phone into his lap. “This goddamn guy.”
“Are you guys sure you don’t want to try one of my cookies?” Janine said, looking around imploringly.
“Hey, I’ll…” O’Shon trailed off at the sight of Barbara and Gerald ferociously shaking their heads. “…have to pass for now.”
“Good choice,” Ava murmured.
Gregory's heart panged when Janine pressed her lips together, cracking fully open when they fell into a pout. “You know what? Um, why, why don't I, or, you know, anyone else... anyone?” Anyone and everyone turned away, suddenly riveted by the photos on Melissa's walls, the TV that was currently turned off, the divots in the floor. “Why... don't... I... take-”
“I’m here!”
“Oh, thank God,” Gregory whispered.
The front door slammed shut, then Jacob was in the living room, a large bag in hand that Melissa quickly snatched up. “I’m here, I’m here. Sorry about the wait.” Jacob shrugged off his jacket, revealing an Eagles sweater underneath. “Before anyone accuses me of giving up my moral objection to the NFL, Melissa wouldn’t let me leave the house unless I wore this. Said I would’ve been the only person in Philly not wearing Eagles gear if I went out in my original outfit.”
“I also said he’d look like an asshole,” Melissa added, making quick work of unbagging and putting out the wings. “Alright, everyone grab a plate before the game starts. Jacob, you get to go last.”
As the line of hungry watch party goers formed, Janine sidled up to Jacob in the back. “Don’t worry, Jacob,” she whispered, pressing one of her cookies into his hand. “I’ve got something for you.”
Jacob bit into the cookie excitedly, the gleam in his eyes only shining brighter with every chew. “It tastes just like a football!”
Ava closed her eyes at the sound of wood sliding against tile, crossing her arms over her chest. She was spread out on the sofa with Melissa and Mr. Johnson while Barbara and Gerald had scored the loveseat, leaving Janine, Gregory, Jacob, and O’Shon to drag in chairs from the dining room. The trio of teachers seemed happy to chat amongst themselves, but O’Shon had broken away from the conversation almost immediately, scooting closer to the sofa with every ring of laughter.
Finally, she turned her head after a particularly loud scrape, O’Shon locking in place when the two locked eyes. “You’re going to scratch the floor if you keep on doing that, you know. Don’t think Melissa won’t make you pay for the rebuff.”
O'Shon stood, hooking an arm around the backrest and carrying it over. When he reached the sofa, he dropped the chair down right next to it. “That better?” he asked, sliding back into his seat.
Her heart hadn't started beating any faster at the display of affection. But she had become annoyingly cognizant of how it was beating all the same. “Whatever.”
“Game's about to start,” Melissa sounded. "Jacob, you mind grabbing the lights?"
“On it.” Everyone else's eyes swung to the TV in preparation, but O'Shon still kept his gaze trained on Ava, as if she was what he had really come to see her tonight. Pressing her lips together, she turned to the TV, too, willing the televised fanfare to erase the afterimage of O'Shon that had burned into her mind as she brought an arm up onto the armrest, turning her empty hand up.
Ava felt the slow creep of fingers intertwining through hers before they squeezed her hand. Her eyes still trained on the TV, she squeezed back.