Work Text:
He was never afraid of death.
Early in life, he was told of his disease, and his fleeting lifespan.
Kai had idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. His case was rare, given how young he was. Four years ago, Kai was told he only had about five years left.
He remembers his mother breaking down almost immediately. However, Kai knew that this was his fate, and had easily come to terms with the time he had left.
He never really thought his life had any value, anyways.
Treatment only lasted about a year, before Kai decided he would rather live the time he had left happy and free, not tied to a hospital bed.
Since then, he’s been travelling the world as much as possible. He posts vlogs and travel diaries online to fund these trips, but no one outside of his family knows of his condition. It’s easier that way.
Pity isn’t something Kai has ever wanted, not before his diagnosis, and especially not after.
So he doesn’t tell anyone. There’s nothing to pity if they don’t know what's wrong.
This time around, Kai had gone to Japan. It was always at the top of his list.
Although Tokyo was busy, the cafés and bookstores that Kai liked to visit were always serene. From there, he took a train to Enoshima, planning to stay there for a few days before making his way to another city.
Enoshima was a quiet seaside town about an hour from Tokyo. Kai had always preferred places like this, calm and quiet neighborhoods with a clear sense of community. Although he wasn’t involved, being able to feel it was comforting enough.
Kai only arrived yesterday, but a small stylish café has been catching his eye since he spotted it on a walk to the beach.
It was closed then, but now, at 5 am, it was open for Kai to scope out.
This early in the morning there weren’t many people inside. Kai prefers it this way.
He walks up to the counter, locking eyes with a boy who sported blonde hair and soft features.
Kai felt the air leave his lungs. Not because of his condition, but because of the beauty of the boy in front of him.
His velvety voice snaps Kai out of his daydream.
“Hey, what can I get for you?”
“Ah, I’ll have a hot matcha and an anpan, thank you.” He hopes his fluster wasn’t visible.
“Sure. I’ll bring it to your table when it’s ready.” The barista flashes Kai a sweet smile, effectively turning Kai’s cheeks into a rosy color. If it wasn’t obvious then, it was now.
Kai sits down at a small table near the window. Pulling out his camera, he speaks quietly about his travel from Tokyo to Enoshima, and what he’s seen in his short time there.
The barista walks up with Kai’s tray, gently placing it on his table.
“Thank you.” Kai smiles up at him sweetly.
The barista’s eyes shift to the small camera on the table.
“Oh, cool, do you like, make videos?”
Kai laughs a little. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. I travel a lot, so I like to document it. There’s not much ‘making’ involved though.”
“What’s your channel's name? I’ll check you out when I get off work”
“It’s kait- actually, it’ll probably be easier to write it down.”
The barista pulls a pen and pad of paper out of his apron, handing them to Kai.
He quickly scribbles his channel name on the paper, handing the pad back to the barista in front of him.
“By the way, what’s your name? You don’t have a nametag.”
“Oh, right! I’m Damon, and you must be…” Damon looks down at the paper, “Kai?”
“Yes, it’s nice to meet you,” Kai said sweetly.
Just then, a customer walks into the store, waiting to be helped. Damon sends Kai a pretty smile as he walks back up behind the counter.
-
The next day, Kai returns to the same café. Once again, Pretty Boy Damon is working.
“Good morning Kai, same thing as yesterday?” Damon looks at him with the most breathtaking smile Kai has ever had the pleasure of seeing.
“Oh? I must have made a good impression on you– you even remembered my order.”
A rosy hue is painted along Damon’s cheeks. “I’ll take that as a yes?”
Kai smiles and nods, making his way towards the same table as yesterday.
This time, when Damon brings Kai his drink, he sits down in the empty seat across from him.
“You know,” Damon starts, “I watched a handful of your videos last night. The way you speak about the world really is fascinating. You have this kind of… philosophy? About the world that I wouldn’t expect someone as young as you to have.”
“Are we not the same age?”
“I’m 18. I was assuming you’re around the same age too.”
“You’re right, then. Why do you say that like you’re much older than me?”
“Oh, I just like to observe people. A lot of people our age are pretty juvenile, while at the same time a lot of us are mature. There’s something about you that goes deeper than that. It’s like you figured out the meaning of life and came to terms with all of it already.”
Damon doesn’t know the true implications of what he’s saying. In all honesty, Kai has come to terms with his life, and the outcome of it. There's nothing left to dwell on or be immature about with such little time left.
Kai hums softly. “I just think it's better to spend my time thinking about the beauty around me rather than dwelling on bad things.”
Something about what Kai said seems to have an effect on Damon.
“You know, there's somewhere near here that I think you’d like. Are you free at all tomorrow? I promise it’s really pretty.”
“Prettier than you?”
Damon’s cheeks flush to a shade of pink that Kai didn’t know was even possible. “Is that a yes?”
“Of course it is.”
-
Damon brought Kai to hike up a mountain. Lucky for him, there were various viewing points on the way up, allowing him to stop and take a break when it got to be too much for his lungs.
Truly, the view was unlike anything he’d ever seen. The sun was setting on the horizon, painting orange and red hues along the horizon line. The sunset was reflected in the waves of the sea, and casting a golden filter on the sand.
“Wow,” Kai breathed out. “This really is beautiful.”
Damon looked at Kai, who had his eyes focused on the setting sun. “Yeah.”
Kai took in the sight in front of him for a little while longer before pulling out his camera. Facing it towards the sea, he pressed the record button.
He kept the lens facing the sunset before turning it towards him and Damon.
“I made a new friend here in Enoshima,” Kai started, “He’s provided me with a lot of insight on the world around me. I’ll have a lot of thinking to do when I get home tonight.”
Kai sighed, looking at the sunset once again. The sun was almost completely under the skyline.
“Damon, have you ever heard of blue hour?”
With the camera still rolling, Damon took in Kai’s features. “No.”
“It’s the period of time right after the sun sets, when the earth has a blue-ish hue. It almost feels like time stops for a few moments. It’s… comforting.”
“To feel like you can take a breath?”
“To slow down time, even just for a little bit.”
Finally, Kai looked back at Damon. A sweet shade of blue was cast along the curve of his cheeks, making him look otherworldly.
Kai gently placed his hand on Damon’s cheek. “Do you get it now?”
Damon looked into Kai’s eyes, taking in the honey yellow color before slowly leaning in.
Kai could feel the electricity coursing through his body. His arm dropped to his side, forgetting about the rolling camera clutched between his fingers.
-
The next morning, Kai walks into the café with a devious smirk.
“What would you like today?” Damon smiles up at him.
“I want to go to a hot spring.”
“...Okay?”
“With you.”
“Oh?”
“Are you free this weekend?”
“Well, I don’t have to work.”
“I’ll take that as a yes then.” Kai smiles.
“See you Saturday,” Kai says, walking out of the door.
-
Saturday morning, Damon and Kai board a train to Matsumoto. Kai did extensive research to find an onsen that was not usually too crowded, hoping to make this weekend relaxing for the both of them.
About 30 minutes into their train ride, Damon pulls out a pair of wired earbuds and an iPod.
“Wanna listen?” He extends one of the ear pieces to Kai.
Kai accepts the earbud, sticking it in his ear. “Kinda old school, no?”
“I like to disconnect from society sometimes.”
“Understandable.”
Soft melodies fill Kai’s ear, willing him to sleep.
-
When he stirs awake, Kai finds himself leaning his head on Damon’s shoulder. Also having fallen asleep, Damon’s cheek was resting against the top of Kai’s head.
The sight of it was sweet. Although meeting less than a week ago, the two boys were clearly comfortable around each other.
Kai softly woke Damon up as the train rolled up to their stop.
-
The day passed by in a flash. Most of the day was spent in the hot springs, talking about anything under the sun. Kai learned a lot about Damon’s family, and how he grew up in Enoshima but went abroad for college. Kai never really spoke about his childhood, just the places he’s been and stories he has from travelling.
At night, the two cuddle up in bed, talking about aspirations for the future, or in Kai’s case, where he’d like to travel to next. Despite his years of travelling, he’s never been to Italy.
Damon said he's studying to be a doctor. He wants to go into pulmonology after he completes his schooling. Kai thought that it must be fate that the two of them met.
The next day, the two of them walked around the town, taking in the sereneness of the streets.
Once Kai returned home, he extended his stay in Enoshima.
-
That’s how the next few months went. Damon wanted to show Kai something new, something beautiful, so that’s exactly what they did. He showed him all through Japan, the places that shaped Damon into the person he was today. He showed Kai the places he grew up, before moving to the states.
And when the summer ended, and Damon had to go back to New York, Kai followed. It just so happened that they lived not far from each other. Repaying the favor, Kai showed Damon all the places he visited growing up.
When Kai’s texts to Damon grew infrequent, Damon ignored the anxious feeling growing in the pit of his stomach.
The next time Damon saw Kai, he looked tired. Damon excused that by assuming he had just been busy, which explained why his texts were getting scarcer.
Despite his excuses, Damon couldn’t ignore the nauseating feeling in his stomach.
Kai had only come over to watch a movie. When it ended, he pressed a chaste kiss on Damon’s lips.
Before leaving, Kai rested a hand on Damon’s cheek, looking longingly into his eyes.
That was the last time Damon Maitsu saw Kai Monteago.
Less than a week later, Damon receives a call from an unknown number. Normally, he would ignore it, but his gut was telling him to pick up.
“Hello?”
“Hello, is this Damon Maitsu?”
“This is he.”
“Hi, I’m Kai Monteago’s mother. I’ve recently learned that you and my son have grown quite close,” The woman pauses, unsure of what to say. “I regret to inform you that Kai passed away last night.”
-
Exhausted, Damon drops his keys on the table in front of him. Looking at the blue piece of paper, folded into a little heart, he hesitates opening it.
Damon,
Over four years ago, at the age of fourteen, I was told I only had five years left to live. A lung condition, rare in people as young as myself. I received treatment for about a year, before making the decision to let my disease run its course. From then on I decided that I would see as much of the world as I possibly could.
When we first met, you told me it seemed like I had already come to terms with the course of life. That was when I knew we would get along. You, having seen nothing but the parts that I choose to share online, knew exactly what I was trying to express. I had already come to terms with the fact that I would die years ago. In all honesty, I didn’t even fear death as a kid. It seems like I was destined to fall ill.
Damon, I think destiny brought us together. Isn’t it funny? A kid with a lung disease unknowingly befriending a kid who was studying to be a pulmonologist. In a way, I think we are both two halves of the same whole.
The time we spent together in Enoshima will always be special to me. I was alone in a country, far away from home, and you just happened to walk into my life, extending a hand, showing me what beauty looks like from another perspective. I’ll never take that for granted.
I hate this part. For a while, I avoided getting involved with anyone, in any way. But you, Damon, you are the most breathtaking person I’ve ever had the pleasure to know. I’m sorry that it ended this way. I’m sorry I never told you. I thought it might be easier this way, but I’m second guessing myself now. I guess, no matter what, this will be hard for you. I’m sorry that it was me.
The kiss we shared was the turning point for me. I thought then that I could move on satisfied, and not die with any regrets.
But Damon, in the end, the time we shared together made me realize that I truly was not ready to die. I convinced myself, for years on end, that I could die at any moment and be satisfied. It wasn’t until we had begun to spend time together, that I realized what I would be leaving behind.
To me, you were everything.
I am writing this knowing that I will die soon. When I go to your house tomorrow, that will be the last time that I see you in this lifetime.
After 18 years of my life, I can finally say that I am scared. I don’t want to go yet. I want to see more of the world with you by my side, Damon.
I will be eternally grateful to you. Thank you for showing me what it means to truly live.
I love you, more than words will ever be able to describe. You showed me a world that I did not know existed.
Until the end of time,
Kai Monteago
Damon wants to scream, cry, yell– anything to express the agony that was tearing his body in two. The thought of Kai struggling to take his last breath haunted him.
Despite the phone call he received, Damon still had a sliver of hope convincing him that Kai would show up at his doorstep and tell him that it was all okay.
But destiny can only take you so far. Kai’s presence dwindled out of Damon’s life like a faint ghost.
The letter made it all seem real, forcing Damon to feel the emotions that he tried to ignore.
If Damon was crying, screaming, anything, he could not hear it. He must have done something, because his roommate was in front of him, hands on his face, saying something Damon could not hear.
When his roommate gently took the blue paper out of his hands, Damon’s knees finally gave out.
When Kai Monteago passed away, part of Damon went with him.
From then on, Damon would have to live with half a heart for the rest of his life.
-
Kai’s funeral was held a week later. Damon did not go.
Directly after the burial, Kai’s gravestone was adorned with a plethora of bouquets. Months later, the flowers diminished, leaving only two bouquets. Pink calla lilies, his mothers favorite, and a bouquet of red cyclamens and blue forget-me-nots.