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"I love you, Iwa-chan."
The words hang heavy in the living room between them. They don't say these things to each other. Or at least Iwaizumi doesn't, Oikawa is far more prone to these outbursts of feelings. This one sounds different. It feels different.
For a few minutes the only sound aside from Matsukawa's snoring is the crackling of the wood in the fireplace. Matsukawa sleeps on, unaware of the weighted silence between two of his best friends. The shadows on the walls bounce as the fire dances. The light washes over Oikawa's face and Iwaizumi turns away into the shadow. He can't look at Oikawa right now.
Through the window he can just see the back of Hanamaki's head as he "supervises" the rest of the team from the porch. Farther on the shapes of the first and second years are faint. The light of their own fire casting them in shadow. Iwaizumi can see someone gesturing widely, he thinks it's Kindaichi based on the height, on the far side of the fire. Out of the corner of his eye he notices some movement closer. He spots two figures slinking off into the trees holding hands and it brings him back to himself.
Iwaizumi turns back to the the fireplace. He finds that he still can't look at Oikawa. He runs one hand down his face. The creak of Oikawa's chair draws his attention. Oikawa shifts and makes to get up. Iwaizumi flinches, but doesn't reach out to stop him. He watches Oikawa's receding back and hears the back door slam.
On the couch Matsukawa stops snoring and cracks an eye. He makes a questioning sound.
"It's nothing," Iwaizumi answers.
He gets up. On his way to the kitchen he pulls the blanket on the back of the couch down so it covers Matsukawa who makes a grateful noise. In the kitchen he puts his glass and Oikawa's in the sink and fills them with water. After flicking on the light he sits at the table. He pulls out his phone.
He just keeps passing it back and forth, unsure as to what he meant to do with it in the first place. I meant to call him, he thinks. That's what he would have done if anyone else had confessed to him. Oikawa had started it when they were fourteen and he'd been confessed to for the first time.
After he had turned down the girl and sorted himself, he had gone over to Iwaizumi's to tell him. At first Iwaizumi had thought that he was bragging, but a sadness in Oikawa's eyes told him otherwise. Iwaizumi had done the same when he had been confessed to some months later and it had continued over the years. Whenever they were confessed to they would tell each other first. Almost as if reaffirming their importance in each other's lives.
He sighs and leans back in his chair. His phone is finally still in his hands. He unlocks it and starts to scroll through his pictures. Oikawa is in most of them; he hadn't really noticed before. They've been together for a long, long time. Since they were toddlers. Oikawa's been there for him since they were conscious of it.
As he sits there he remembers his short-lived relationships. One with a girl from the tennis club, back when they were first years. She was nice and he really did like her, but he and Oikawa were focusing on being regulars on the team. There just wasn't enough time in the day. Another when they were just barely second years and Oikawa's knee gave out. Iwaizumi was on a date and he rushed home as soon as he could. He kicked himself the entire way. I should have been there, chorused in his head until he saw Oikawa's face and his worry turned to anger.
If he's honest with himself, he's never thought of Oikawa like that before, Oikawa's almost like a sibling to him. He knows his parents consider Oikawa a second son and Oikawa's parents have shown him as much too. Oh, their parents. What will they say? He slows that train of thought and takes a deep breath. Focus, he tells himself. He has to handle this carefully, needs to decide what he wants before he acts. Oikawa is important to him and so is their relationship. He refuses to fuck this up.
Iwaizumi pockets the phone, squares his shoulders, and pushes open the back door. Oikawa is not on the back porch like he expected. There are no lights back here and the forest butts up against the small yard. The trees loom in the light of an almost full moon. Small pinpricks of light flutter by as fireflies go about their business.
He stands on the porch for a while before he steps down into the grass. He walks toward the forest. Oikawa is on his back in the grass, a few feet away from the trees. Oikawa's eyes catch the light as he glances at Iwaizumi before turning back to the sky. Oikawa says nothing and doesn't acknowledge him otherwise.
Iwaizumi sits beside him. Close enough to reach out and touch him, but far enough that Oikawa can run if he chooses to. Iwaizumi brings his knees up to his chest and rests his chin on them. He looks up at the stars.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." Oikawa's voice has that breakable quality of having recently cried.
"It's okay."
"What happens now?"
"I don't know." Iwaizumi can feel Oikawa's eyes on him, but he doesn't meet his gaze. "I don't think I'm gay."
"I am."
Iwaizumi keeps the surprise from his voice, "You never said."
"Yeah, well, I didn't know how to break it to you," Oikawa pauses to take a breath, "That I love you."
"I love you too."
He can hear Oikawa's breath hitch in the dark. Iwaizumi leans back to lie in the grass, shoulder to shoulder with Oikawa. He flexes his fingers in the grass on either side of his body. He's aware of Oikawa's hand lying centimeters from his.
"You remember when we were 7 and you made me stay up with you to watch the falling stars? You were so excited and then you fell asleep right before it started."
Oikawa puffs out a breath, "Yeah."
"I remember they were so beautiful. I sat there, amazed at how big the sky was. How many stars there were," Iwaizumi chuckles, "And you were so mad the next morning."
Iwaizumi stretches his fingers across the tiny distance. His fingertips graze the back of Oikawa's hand. He hears the rustle of grass as Oikawa turns his head and Iwaizumi meets his eyes. In the darkness his expression is hard to read, but Iwaizumi thinks it looks hopeful. He closes his fingers around Oikawa's wrist. He tightens his grip on it, feels his tendons squeeze the delicate bones.
Oikawa blinks his eyes slowly. "Iwa-chan?"
"I think I want to try. I do really love you ... I didn't know." At this Iwaizumi rests his forehead against Oikawa's shoulder. "I didn't know," this time he whispers it against the fabric of Oikawa's shirt.
Suddenly the back door slams open. A shaft of light cuts the darkness but doesn't quite reach them. Iwaizumi lets go of Oikawa's wrist.
"Hey, nerds! You coming in?" Hanamaki calls from the porch.
"We'll be right there Makki," Oikawa answers him quickly.
He gets up and stretches a hand down. Iwaizumi takes it and pulls himself up. He's willing to try, he wants to, and he really doesn't care what their parents or anyone else will say. He looks into Oikawa's eyes and imagines he's seeing all those shooting stars he saw years ago. They're still amazing, he thinks. He doesn't let go of Oikawa's hand as they make their way back into the cabin and is still holding it when they join the rest of team in the living room.