Work Text:
“Alright everyone, gather around” Robin shifted the glasses on her nose as she moved to draw a giant parchment hung across one of Sunny’s rooms. Chopper copied her gesture with his glassless frames, which instantly drew a motherly look of pride from Robin, only to be interrupted by a rogue projectile hitting Chopper on his ear.
“Ouch!” he simpered. Robin turned to notice that the shrapnel was a pencil coming from the monster corner where Zoro and Sanji had commenced their unbearable fighting and Luffy was seconds away from deep sleep. Three hands appeared delivering a resounding slap on the back, one for each menace maker.
“Ahem” Robin coughed; her eyes lowered but focused on the rioters.
“I’m so sorry Robin-chan! This grizzly human came with not a single writing implement and then tried to take one of mine” Sanji growled in Zoro’s direction “You know, when I heard it was your lesson, I just had to come all prepared to be dazzled by your brilliant mind” his tone immediately shifted into a softer one.
“At least your pencil isn’t as dull as you” Zoro mocked twirling Sanji’s pencil in his hand. Sanji grabbed it back mid-air screaming “I only have the one you peat-head”
“Just one?” Zoro harrumphed.
“Some of us just need one to get the job done” Sanji triumphantly said.
Nami’s patience wore thin as she simmered ahead of the dunce tribe. “Just take one from the back of the room and stop it before I stab you all”.
Sanji and Zoro exchanged curt glances and fell to the back. Nami then headed over to the snoring emperor before unleashing her signature brand of Haoshuko Haki. The hand that Luffy supported his head on slipped under the extreme pressure of Nami’s chagrin.
“And you. Learn” she hissed. Luffy groaned loudly complaining about why he needed to concern himself with all this brain-stuff when they had Robin. He wasn’t the only one who had a similar initial response. Franky and Usopp had initially also pondered why all of them needed to be educated in lore-piece when they had the foremost archaeologist of the world on their crew. Robin explained that as they approached Elbaf, it would be necessary to understand some fundamentals considering how pivotal and ancient the land of giants was. Usopp was compelled by his sheer love for Elbaf and Franky, well, he remembered what Robin was capable of with those hands as he slowly moved to cover his jewels while conversing with Robin.
“Right. Are we settled?” Robin noted the little thumbs-up Chopper shot her way.
“We will begin with some things we know about the one-piece. For that, we need to start at the Void century. Before that, we will use this lovely map made by Nami-chan. I won’t go into too much geography since that’s Nami’s speciality and I don’t want to step on her toes” Robin shot a gentle look of pride in Nami’s direction, whose eyes glittered with the sound of praise.
“Ah, to be stepped on by Robin-chan” Sanji whispered to himself.
“I’ll step on you. Gladly” Zoro mocked, rudely awakening Sanji from his stupor which immediately went from blush red to rage red.
“The world is divided into four zones because of the Grand line and the Red line” Robin continued not having heard a single word that made Usopp choke on his pretend vomit “Because of this, the way we reach the Laugh tale island depends on not just the log poses and Nami-chan’s skill but also knowing where to go. Which is why we need information from ancient sources”.
Everyone nodded except Luffy who held up a pencil against his face and said “Usopp” making even son of the sea laugh.
“Right, so moving back to the void century and why that’s important” Robin started to scribble notes on the parchment.
“How long was that” Luffy croaked with his hand up in the air.
“How long..is a century?” Jinbe stuttered when Robin interrupted with “If you merged your age with your grandpa, that would be close”.
“Oh, got it”.
Everyone froze in silence at Robin’s innate ability to make sense to one of the biggest cerebrally primate person in the world while Brook seemed to be muttering something about ninety and panty rhyming.
Without missing a beat Robin continued “that century is something we know nothing about and are not supposed to know anything about”
Chopper, Usopp and Nami gasped, only starting to realise why Robin’s mere existence was a threat; Sanji slumped over, leaning into his cigarette his brows furred while Luffy finally started to look enticed.
“We do have a way to learn about them, the ancient sources which are the…”
“Ponyglyph!” Chopper shot up his hoof in excitement. Robin gently patted his hat while praising him “that’s right Mr Doctor”.
“What, he’s not right. He made it seem like it’s a pony-glyph. Like a horse with writings or some…no, never mind. Good one Chopper” Franky corrected himself as he felt an unnerving presence staring down at him. Sanji whispered – It’s like there’s Robin and then Miss All Sunday randomly shows up sometimes.
“We know this. We found several already haven’t we” Zoro declared.
“We do but we need to understand what they’re saying and what that tells us about our world. Like the lode poneglyphs showing us the way to Laugh tale, the others will tell us something important” Robin explained.
Her speech was marred by Luffy jumping up to his feet uncharacteristically animated in a lecture.
“What if we beat them up!”
“Beat the—what?!” Nami clutched her forehead, clearly questioning every decision that brought her to this point in life. “Why would you even think that?!”
“Zoro, remember that guy with the weird voice with Mingo”.
“Oh, you mean Pica the…” Zoro’s voice cracked as he wheezed out a sound that was as high-pitched as the terrifying albeit disproportionately toned officer of the Donquixote Pirates. Luffy and Zoro doubled up in laughter with Brooks just chiming along for the ride.
“Why would you think we can beat up stones!” Usopp marched towards the laughing trio, slamming a fist into Luffy’s head.
“What if it’s like the Mingo guy! Besides Zoro fights big stone things all the time!” Luffy argued.
Zoro perked up, looking unusually invested. “He’s got a point. I have fought a lot of stone things. Walls, statues, that one weird rock golem on Thriller Bark…”
“That wasn’t a golem; that was a decorative fountain you were drunk punching!” Sanji interjected “Don’t encourage him, he’s already got the worst ideas possible”.
“I can still take a golem though” Zoro instinctively clasped the Wado Ichimonji.
“Not faster than me” Sanji rolled up his sleeve, hands folded, back against Zoro.
“Hell nah” Zoro scoffed.
“Why don’t we try!” Luffy roared in excitement.
“No, we don’t try! Besides, who has a spare golem just lying around” Usopp scolded.
“You mean that guy?” Luffy pointed to a trap door in the Sunny’s hatch from which a set of eyes were peering out. The Sunny began to rumble and before anyone could react, a block of animated stone shot up and landed on the deck of the Sunny.
“Who dare awaken the guardian of wisdommmmmm” it slurred waspily.
“That so does not look super” Franky cried with Chopper wailing in his arms.
“LUFFY WHAT AND WHY IS THIS HERE!” Nami screamed as she scrambled for higher ground.
“It looked a little like Vivi, so I thought I’d bring it along to remember her” Luffy jumped, folding his fist into an imminent Gomu Gomu.
“UNDER WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES DOES THAT LOOK LIKE VIVI” Usopp yelled, running in circles.
“Alright, big guy, you’re goin’ down!” Zoro yelled, unsheathing his swords and leaping at the golem, only for his attack to glance off its rocky exterior.
“Don’t worry, Robin-chan! I’ll save you!” Sanji declared, spinning into action with a flurry of flaming kicks. The golem irritated, slapped both the wings of the pirate king away.
“Gum-Gum Rocket!” Luffy shouted, slamming full force into the golem and sending it stumbling backward… straight into the wall Robin had just been using to teach. The parchment crumpled to the ground as the room descended into chaos.
“ROBIN-CHAN’S NOTES!” Sanji wailed in despair.
“Not the ponies!” Chopper cried.
Robin took a deep breath, her face frozen in a serene smile that sent chills down everyone’s spine. “Alright, everyone,” she said sweetly “I will handle this. Brooks-san, could you please distract it?”
Brook, terribly pleased to be summoned, pulled out a viola and started to play a melody all too familiar “I could put you to sleep stone man with my powerful singing. I may run out of breath, but I have no lungs! Yohoho!”
Brook’s music stirred something in the golem as he shakily turned and said “Master?”
Using this opportunity, Robin’s hand flowered into a pose and a column of hands sprouted from every direction. They moved closer to the golem and suddenly Franky’s eyes dilated in a premonition of an all too familiar feeling. A deep wail caused the storm of dust to shake the sky. A flurry surrounded the Sunny as the crew witnessed the former rock monster crawl towards Robin’s feet.
“Mistress….” He bowed.
“So, uh,” Luffy said, rubbing the back of his head. “What was that thing guarding again?”
“Apparently… not its dignity” Franky squeaked.