Archive of Our Own

Sleeping on a train is uncomfortable.

At least, that's what Gerard found out one day on his way back from work.

Sleeping on a train leaves a crick in your neck and a dysphoric feeling as you have no idea where the fuck you are for a moment. When you realise, you groan internally and make sure no one's taken anything of yours.

Gerard's good at clinging onto his shoulder bag for dear life when he's on the train. Usually, he doesn't have to worry about staying alert because he doesn't usually fall asleep. There's a first time for everything though.

The first time it happened, he almost missed his stop. Usually, he just closed his eyes but was still aware of his surroundings. This time, however, he actually slept for about half an hour.

He had since fallen asleep four more times in the month after. To be perfectly honest, Gerard knew this was probably a sign that he had been working too hard and needed more sleep, but he didn't care.

His sleeping experience on the train seemed to get worse every time it happened. The first time, he just felt confused when he woke up. The fourth time, he had a pain in his neck and just generally felt like shit. Power naps were only supposed to be fifteen minutes not thirty.

It wasn't like his job was overtiring or anything. He worked as an illustrator for a comic book industry in the centre of New York. Hence the long train journeys twice a day. He had only started the job three months ago and it had taken him that long to fall asleep on his way home one day. It had only been a matter of time really. Especially as the journeys were well over an hour and a half.

He worked from half eight until five every week day. He was fresh out of Art school so was one of the youngest in his department. Sometimes he felt a bit like a kid with all of these thirty and forty something year olds around him.

Gerard was at the ripe age of twenty-three, his future laid out in front of him. Kind of terrifying.

He did well to land the illustrating gig. Luckily, his mom knew someone in the office and had managed to set him up with an interview. Since Gerard was actually pretty good at drawing, they hired him to work on one of the company's newest comics. He had almost died when they had told him.

He enjoyed his job so much, he often found himself continuing his drawings late at night. It wasn't like he wasn't meeting his deadlines. On the contrary; he was always way ahead of schedule. Probably because he cut into his sleeping time. Which was why the sleeping on the train had started to occur. You didn't have to be a detective to figure it out.

To stay awake on the train, he had resorted to listening to the heaviest bands he knew and concentrating on the scenery outside. He always made sure to land a window seat so if he did fall asleep, not many people saw.

However, this plan didn't exactly work the fifth time he fell asleep.

He had somehow found himself sitting in one of the window seats of a four-seater. This meant he was trapped by three strangers. One of his favourite things.

He hadn't exactly paid attention to who was sat around him until he suddenly woke up and twenty minutes had passed. Nothing in particular had woken him up. His body had probably just remembered where it was and jump started him awake again.

Of course, this meant that he had jumped as he had woken up. As soon as this happened, he saw the guy sitting across from him jump in reaction to Gerard, having startled him.

Gerard smirked at the guy and the guy was suddenly grinning right back, laughing slightly.

Gerard had thought he had memorised nearly every person who took his train, he saw them all enough, but he didn't recognise this guy.

The guy had messy, black hair with piercings on his nose and lip. Gerard definitely hadn't seen this guy before. He was sure he would have remembered. Not only because he was pretty attractive, but because he had a really distinctive smile that Gerard just had to draw. Maybe later though when he was in the comfort of his room and there was no risk of him being called a stalker.

After the little laugh with the stranger sat in front of him, Gerard turned his attention to the window. He was trying not to feel too embarrassed about the fact that he had fallen asleep in front of at least three strangers on public transport. Also that he had scared the attractive guy in front of him and made both of them jump.

Gerard needed to stop this falling asleep on the train business. It was going to bite him in the ass one day. Today had been a warning.

Apparently he had fallen asleep with his mouth open because it was really fucking dry and he was thirsty. He bet that had been attractive to watch: him asleep with his mouth wide open. Oh God , did he snore?! Please, no. He could handle sleeping in front of attractive strangers but not snoring with his mouth wide open.

When the train made it to Gerard's stop, he finally looked away from the window again. The train was significantly quieter in comparison to before. More than half of the carriage had emptied. This included two people from Gerard's four-seater. He was both happy and embarrassed to see the attractive guy across from him was still there, staring down at his phone. His hair had fallen in front of his face and his thumbs typed something onto the phone screen.

Gerard found himself wondering what this guy's story was. Was this a one time deal or was he an every day goer of the train? Again, Gerard was sure he would have recognised him if he had seen him before. Let's just say this train was lacking in the attractive people department.

As the train halted to a stop and Gerard stood up, the guy looked up. Gerard pulled the strap of his bag over his shoulder and smiled a little as he made his way down the aisle. He was happy to see the guy smile in response but he didn't move.

There we go then. He probably lived in a different part of the country. Maybe this was a one time thing for him. This speculation was a little disappointing to say the least.

Gerard climbed off the train and started making his way down to the subway; another highlight to his day.

He hated the fucking subway. Why had it even been invented? Who in their right mind had thought it would be a good idea to squish a load of people together like sardines and make them travel in a metal death trap? Fuck that.

Luckily, it was all routine now. It was barely thought about anymore. Gerard caught the ten past seven and stood by the door. He never dared to venture further in to find a seat. That would be suicide. Thankfully, his stop was the second one and it only took six minutes to get there.

He then had to walk for ten minutes, past his favourite cafe, to his apartment. His new apartment.

During Art School, he had had to stay in a student dorm with a roommate. He hadn't minded it much but it did make him realise that he enjoyed his own space.

He had thought he would just move back in with his mom and brother when he graduated but his mom had other ideas. Since an apartment in the city was pretty steep, his mom found him one in Jersey and paid the deposit for him as a welcome home gift. To say Gerard was both surprised and grateful was an understatement.

He had moved in over the summer but there were still a few boxes he was too lazy to unpack. His mom pointed them out every time she visited and his response was the same every time; that he would get to them soon. Since his free time choices were between drawing and finishing unpacking, he hadn't really made it a priority.

Maybe it was his subconscious trying to tell him something. If he finished unpacking, it would mean he had properly moved in and became an adult. He wasn't sure if he wanted to become an adult yet.

It was almost twenty to eight by the time Gerard reached his apartment on the eighth floor. He always made it home at that time. Huh. It felt weird calling it that... home.

It was silent in the apartment. Gerard shut the door behind him and suddenly he was engulfed in darkness. The only light came from the open curtains across the room.

He made a scramble for the light switch and soon the dim light blinked on. The apartment was small but it was compact and it was definitely what Gerard needed at the time.

It only had three rooms but it wasn't like he would be having guests any time lately. The only people who had been round since he had moved in was his mom, Mikey and Ray. He didn't have that many friends.

The living room and kitchen were one room. This was the room you stepped into as soon as you opened the door.

He rarely used the oven. Apart from maybe for supermarket pizza. He mainly used the microwave. His diet was lacking in a lot of nutrients.

There was a breakfast bar that separated the kitchen and the living room. The only thing on it was an empty packet of cigarettes.

The living room portion of the room consisted of an old sofa with his laptop on it and a blanket on the back of it, (Gerard often found himself falling asleep on it so the blanket came in handy) an easel in the corner, and a small coffee table. The only things on the table was a coffee mug left over from that morning, a full ash tray, a gay porno mag, (he really should stash that somewhere in case his mom paid an unexpected visit) and some pencils. He really was an art student. Except he wasn't a student anymore.

Perhaps he should try and live more like an adult. Stop living off microwave meals and actually go to sleep at a decent hour in a bed. He could do that. But that would involve effort.

If you go to the right of the breakfast bar, you are met with the smallest hallway in existence. Seriously, you can only fit one person in it.

Then, to the right is the excuse of a bathroom. Sure, it has a toilet, a sink and a shower, but it takes five minutes for the hot water to actually work and it's possibly growing mould in one of the corners. Other than that, it's a dream.

To the left of the hallway is the bedroom. Okay, the bedroom isn't actually that bad. It's of a decent size and it contains no mould.

Gerard's dad actually bought him a new double bed for the apartment. It's the only thing there that was made in the last five years probably.

There's only one nightstand which is fine since there's only one of him. There's a lamp and another ash tray on the nightstand. A dresser sits in the corner of the room, next to the window. The window's always open. Gerard likes to keep a draft in the bedroom so he can always sleep under the duvet. He hates being hot in bed.

His comics, CDs and DVDs are all in piles in the other corner. He likes to read during the weekends for inspiration but is too lazy to watch a full film lately.

And that's it. Minimalistic but Gerard likes it that way.

He took his bag off his shoulders and placed it next to the breakfast bar. Usually, he would draw until his stomach would protest in hunger but for once, he didn't feel like drawing. He still felt a little groggy from his nap on the train.

So instead, after taking off his jacket and shoes and hanging his jacket up on a peg, he opened the freezer to see what crappy meal he was serving his stomach today.

Looked like it was going to be lasagna.

He placed the box on the counter and after reading the uncomplicated instructions, he pierced the plastic six times and placed it in the trusty and not too old microwave.

While the lasagna spun slowly while little heaters warmed it up for fifteen minutes, Gerard went into the bathroom and turned the shower on. When it felt like he had been holding his hand under it for a lifetime, the hot water actually came on.

He stripped and washed his body before massaging shampoo into his greasy locks. He often forgot to clean himself. Sometimes he wondered if maybe his mom should come and teach him the simple things again like eating properly and basic hygiene.

When he had finished and was out with a towel around his waist, he turned the water off. Showers in the morning were nicer but that meant getting up even earlier than he already did and he wasn't up for that.

The microwave starting dinging as he towel-dried his hair with the hand towel.

Padding back into the kitchen, the hand-towel around his neck, Gerard opened the microwave and quickly moved the tray onto the counter and shut the microwave door again.

He left that to breathe for a minute and went into the bedroom. It felt pretty cold in there with wet hair and no shirt on.

Gerard was pretty sure he was shivering as he pulled a clean Black Flag t-shirt on and his Batman pyjama bottoms. He was surprised how much better he felt after just a shower.

He dumped the towels back in the bathroom and went into the kitchen to grab his food. The tray was still hot as he peeled the plastic off and dumped the meal on a plate. It looked... very unappetising.

He didn't care though. Food was food. After sitting on the sofa with his plate of food, cutlery and a class of water, he opened his laptop to log into Netflix.

He was actually feeling pretty tired by the time he had finished his food and two episodes of Breaking Bad. It was nearly ten to eleven. Maybe sleeping at a decent time would be nice for once...

It wasn't like he had work the next day though. Thank God it's Friday. Although, he did love his job. But Saturdays meant lie-ins and he was all in favor of those. Fuck it, he was going to bed.

He turned his laptop off and left it as it was. Being a lazy fucker, he left the empty plate on the coffee table too. He filled up his glass with more water and turned off the lights before closing his bedroom door behind him.

He didn't necessarily need to close the door since it was just him. It just gave him a little more security.

Lamp on, main light off, under the covers and phone plugged in. All in record time.

Gerard actually found himself not being able to keep his eyes open as soon as he lay down. He definitely needed this.

~

The weekend was... Uneventful. Just like every weekend.

Saturdays were usually spent in bed until about eleven. Next would be two cups of coffee and some sketching on the sofa. Music would play through the laptop.

Gerard enjoyed his Saturdays in the apartment. It gave him a chance to breathe and escape human interaction. If he was unlucky, his mom or brother would come to visit. Mikey was away for University now though so he saw less of him.

Just to clarify, he didn't hate his family. He loved them a lot. He just found talking to people... Draining.

The rest of the Saturday was either spent on Netflix, at the easel or a mix of both. It was a simple life.

He ate of course. Usually at the wrong times of the day. At half eleven, three in the afternoon and then around nine.

Sleep occurred at two in the morning.

Sundays were more or less the same affair apart from the fact he went outside. This was only to go to the cafe down the road to sit and have a couple of actually decent coffees and draw. It was a pretty relaxing atmosphere. The only reason he had started going was because he had promised his mom he wouldn't spend all weekend in the apartment. However, over time, he started to enjoy his time there.

After he had drunk two large black coffees with a shit ton of sugar, he would go to the local supermarket to buy his meals for the week and maybe some alcohol if he felt like it. Oh and to get another packet of cigarettes.

And then Monday would come and it was the same routine until the weekend. He often wondered how long he would be doing this for. It was starting to feel like life had no meaning. Just work, eat if he remembered and barely sleep. The adult life was not for him.

A couple of weeks passed and Gerard noticed the attractive guy from that Friday nearly every day. It seemed like second nature now to see him at the station or on the train. The guy never really seemed to notice Gerard though and Gerard kept his distance which was probably a wise choice.

He woke up late on a Monday exactly three weeks since the sleep incident. He had accidentally turned his phone off so that meant his alarm hadn't gone off. Luckily, his body clock was on top of things and it woke him up.

He practically ran to the subway to make it onto his usual train. He missed it.

The next one was only four minutes after but that meant he could possibly miss his train into the city. It was a tight schedule usually without the disruptions.

More running occurred when he got off the subway. This was probably the most exercise he had done in a long time. His body didn't like it.

He made it onto the train with a minute to spare, wheezing and gasping for breath. Jesus fucking Christ. That was the last time he turned his phone off.

The doors shut behind him and he leant against them, regulating his breathing. It took him a second to realise someone was laughing at him. He looked up at the sound to see no other than that fucking attractive guy stood across from him. What the actual fuck?

Was he actually laughing at Gerard?

"You made it. Well done." The guy smirked at him.

Gerard opened his mouth to speak but he didn't know how to form words at that moment. In the end he muttered, "Just about," before venturing into the carriage to find a seat.

When he found an empty two-seater and had slid into the window seat, he thought about what had just happened.

Okay so what had that been about? Why was that guy talking to him? Were they on speaking terms now just because Gerard had fallen asleep in front of him? Who was he anyway? Why was he suddenly using the train out of nowhere?

Gerard tried to forget about him but he kept popping into his head. Why was he thinking about him anyway? Jeez, low-key stalking much?

The journey seemed longer than usual that day. It was a good thing he wasn't prone to falling asleep in the mornings.

His day only seemed to get worse the minute he stepped off the train. It turned out he had forgotten his sketchpad so he couldn't show his colleagues any of his new work. They weren't very impressed. They already saw him as a little kid as it was. It would take a while to make it back from this.

By the time he was at the station again waiting for his train home, he was in a pretty shitty mood. He had basically done fuck all at work because of the forgotten sketchpad. It even contained all of his notes on the new character. He really needed to start sorting his life out.

He waited outside for the train, having two cigarettes, one after the other. He didn't give a fuck.

And of fucking course the train was late. Just a cherry on top of a fucking fantastic day.

By the time he was actually on the train, a whole fifteen minutes late, he slid into a window seat of a two-seater and tried to pretend he didn't exist. Sadly, no one else was in on his game and a woman sat next to him. He was right at the back of the carriage so that meant he had full view of this half of the carriage. It also meant he had full view of that same attractive guy from earlier standing in the portion by the doors.

Why was he standing? Well, there weren't any seats now but there had been. Did he prefer standing? But if he got off after Gerard, that meant he would be standing for at least an hour and a half, maybe more. Who would want to stand on a rickety train for that long?

Gerard watched him silently, watching the way he stood, (he moved from foot to foot a lot) the way his eyebrows furrowed as he looked down at the phone in his hands, and the way he chewed whatever was in his mouth (probably gum).

He was a pretty interesting character to watch.

Oh by the way, Gerard wasn't being a creep. At least, he didn't think he was. He just happened to have a straight view of this guy and he was a lot more interesting to look at than the train platform outside. Seriously, why weren't they moving yet?

Gerard soon found himself creating different scenarios in his head about himself going up and talking to the guy. Although, they had talked before... Okay not really talked as such but they had both spoken more than one word to each other. Surely that gave him some sort of leverage.

Maybe he should properly introduce himself and start up an actual conversation. You never know, something could happen. There were weirder places to pick up a guy. That was if this guy actually was into, you know… guys. That would help.

Gerard started thinking up different pick up lines; some cheesy, some not. Mostly cheesy though. I mean, serious cringe fest alert. Although maybe he didn’t need a pick up line. They had shared two experiences together now. Granted, both had involved Gerard being a stupid motherfucker but still. Better than nothing.

Now he had him in full view, Gerard could see that the guy was actually pretty short. Especially when a girl had walked past him and had at least two inches on top of him. Well, there’s nothing wrong with being short. Gerard wasn’t exactly the tallest of guys.

The guy was pretty scruffy too. He had jeans with massive holes ripped out of the knees and a baggy hoodie on. The sleeves looked tattered in places. Was he consciously going for an edgy look or something? It actually really worked on him. Gerard wasn’t complaining.

He vaguely recognised the train moving under him, the scenery changing outside the window. He was too busy totally staring at this guy to pay full attention.

The guy finally looked up from his phone and placed it in his pocket. He then rested against the wall separating the carriages and seemed to zone out. He was looking in Gerard’s direction. Was he…? It was hard to work out if he was actually looking at Gerard or if he was just looking in that general direction. Probably the latter. Why would he be looking at Gerard?

Slumping down in his seat, Gerard finally turned his attention towards the window. This was going to be a long journey. Please can he not fall asleep?

Thankfully, he didn’t. He just stared out of the window, listening to The Misfits. If he made the mistake of listening to The Smashing Pumpkins, he was sure to fall asleep. The Misfits were just about doing the job.

The train always emptied a lot before he reached his stop. This meant that the woman next to him had gotten off and he had the comfort of not having a stranger sat next to him for about twenty minutes before the train reached his stop.

When it was about a minute away, he got up, made sure his bag was safely over his shoulder and went over to the doors. He did all of this while trying not to look at the guy stood near the doors. Sadly, Gerard really didn’t have much willpower and he looked up just in time to see the guy look at him.

Gerard seemed to freeze like a deer in headlights as the guy smiled at him. Gerard had to teach himself how to move again as he smiled a small smile back. Please can he get off now?

He slowly turned back to face the doors. Unluckily, he could see the guy’s reflection in the door window and he could see that he was still looking at him. Oh my God. What was happening?

The train seemed to slow to a halt in the most sluggish way possible or maybe it was just because Gerard was counting down the seconds until he could breathe again.

He practically jumped onto the platform as soon as the doors opened and didn’t stop until he made it down to the subway. When he stopped to wait for his train, he realised how fast he had been walking because he was almost out of breath and was seven minutes early. Okay, that had been a bit over the top. He needed to learn to calm the fuck down sometimes. He also needed to learn how to act around attractive people. And maybe he needed a kick in the balls and actually talk to the guy.

~

The rest of the week droned on as its usual shitty self. Monday had been the most interesting day and the rest of the week was pretty mundane in comparison. Not that Gerard cared that much. Not every day could be interesting.

He remembered his sketchpad the rest of the week and had even added to his notes about the new character. Work was alright; same as usual. He was a little annoyed at allowing himself to daydream about the guy from Monday. It wasn’t like anything was going to happen. Didn’t stop him from kind of wishing something would though.

He didn’t actually see the guy again until the Thursday of that week. He almost didn’t see him either.

Gerard had sat in a two seater near the back of the carriage again and a teenager had sat next to him. Okay, he knew he was only just in his twenties but he really hated teenagers. For some reason, he found them really intimidating. It wasn’t like they were going to stab him or something.

As soon as he was about to stare out of the window and zone out, he noticed attractive train guy (his new adopted name from Gerard) get on and glance around for a seat. Oh so now he wanted a seat? Make your mind up, Buddy.

There actually didn’t seem to be any seats available in this carriage so the guy just rested in the same spot as before, looking out of the window in the door.

Gerard suddenly felt something impulsive run through his body. He had spent the majority of the week calling himself a coward for not talking to him. Maybe now was his chance. Maybe if he got up five or so minutes before his stop and went and stood by him, he could casually start up a conversation. That could actually work. Gerard could feel excitement start to rush into his veins. Was he actually going to do this?

Before he could psyche himself up too much though, something burst his bubble.

“Yo, Frank! Come sit with us!”

Both Gerard and attractive train guy looked in the direction of the speaker. There were three college students sat in a four-seater in front of Gerard’s own two-seater. You could definitely tell they were students by the way they dressed, spoke and acted. Ugh. Teenagers.

Time almost seemed to freeze when Gerard noticed attractive train guy take out his headphones and come over to them. Was this… No. That couldn’t be right.

The student with the empty space next to him moved along the seats and attractive train guy grinned and sat down. No. That wasn’t right at all.

He had sat down with the students. Oh. So that meant he was a student at the college.

Red flashing lights and sirens suddenly went off in Gerard’s mind. ABORT! ABORT! Gerard was quickly backing out of his previous mission. No way was he going to attempt to ask out a college student.

College. That meant he was at least eighteen or nineteen. Oh my God, he really didn’t look or seem that young at all. Gerard suddenly felt like a cougar or something.

This new development was very disappointing to say the least. Gerard begrudgingly looked out of the window and sulked for the remainder of the journey. This was so unfair.

He didn’t even look in the direction of attractive train- Frank when he went to stand by the doors. Pfft. Frank. The name didn’t suit him at all. Actually… The more he thought about it, the more the name did suit him. God fucking dammit.

The train pulled to a stop and Gerard angrily walked towards the subway. By angrily, I mean he stomped slightly, lowered his head and clenched his bag strap with his hand. Just in case you were wondering how one might walk while portraying a feeling.

He was tempted to call in sick the next day just so he didn’t have the risk of seeing Frank the college student again. This was all so fucked up.

Gerard was angry at Frank for being so young. He was angry at Frank’s parents for deciding to have him at the same time Gerard’s brother was born. Mostly, he was angry at himself for actually letting himself get interested in someone that was off-limits. That was such a Gerard thing to do.

He would just have to forget about this guy and move on with his life. It was a shame really. He had enjoyed thinking up different scenarios about him. None that were sexual whatsoever… Oh man, that seemed worse now that he had learnt the guy was in college. Yep, this was really fucked up.

~

Okay, thankfully he managed to avoid the guy- Frank the next day. Gerard changed it up a bit and went into the carriage before the one he usually got into. He didn’t like it very much. He was the kind of guy who liked his routine and kept to it. He wasn’t fond of change.

This carriage was okay for today but he knew he would wimp out and return to his normal carriage the following Monday. Jesus Christ, it had been a long week.

He zoned out as usual, The Smashing Pumpkins in his ears. The next thing he knew, he was being poked. His eyes opened suddenly and he rubbed them. Everything was blurry. Why were his eyes choosing now to water?

When he could actually see again, he realised he had fallen asleep. For fuck sake. He also realised what had woken him up. Someone was stood next to his seat.

Besides a couple of old women at the over end of the carriage, they seemed to be the only ones there.

Gerard’s mouth almost opened when his eyes landed on that college kid, Frank.

“Dude.” Frank smiled his very distinctive smile. “I came in here to find a seat and yeah, you were asleep. Thought you might need waking up since it's your stop soon."

“But-“ Gerard cut himself off, his eyebrows pulling together. Was this actually happening or was he asleep still?

Frank laughed a little. “I wasn't watching you sleep if that's what you were thinking. I come into this carriage sometimes. Sue me. Looks like you do too.”

Gerard still didn’t know what to say. “I…”

Frank opened his mouth to speak again when suddenly, the voice over the speakers declared they were arriving at Gerard’s stop.

"You're welcome." Frank grinned before walking over to another two-seater across the carriage where his bag was.

Gerard just stared dumbly after him before he came back to life. He stood up and stretched, cursing his past self for letting sleep take over him. What if he had missed his stop? Well, Frank had helped with that. What the actual fuck.

Gerard went and stood by the doors, thinking over what had just happened. Did Frank really come into this carriage sometimes or did he see Gerard sit in there? He was probably telling the truth. Gerard was just doing that stupid wishful thinking again.

The train pulled to a stop and Gerard climbed off, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets. There was definitely a chill in the air this evening. Winter was coming.

It made sense that Frank was a college student. He had only started taking the train in the last few weeks, along with the rest of the students. The new semester had begun.

Gerard had to stop himself from thinking about him. It was sad enough how invested he was in this guy already. What ever happened to developing a connection first? Looked like Gerard had done that all by himself, without the aid of Frank. All Frank had to do was stand there and look pretty. Also, laugh at Gerard’s misfortune. A lot of people did that though. What made Frank so special? It was pretty nice that he had gone out of his way to make sure Gerard hadn't missed his stop. Not many people would have done that.

Gerard went to the cafe on both Saturday and Sunday that weekend. He needed to be in a relaxing environment to clear his head. This whole situation had confused him.

He woke up at the right time the following Monday and waited at the station for that motherfucker of a train. How long until Winter break? How long until he could go and stay with his mom and hide in the basement forever? He missed the basement.

The train pulled into the station at ten to seven on the dot. Nice to know something was going right for once.

He climbed onto the usual carriage and stopped when he saw Frank sat alone in a four-seater, on his phone. Gerard could have so easily sat across from him and started up a conversation but he knew that would probably have been a bad idea. Instead, he sat in a two-seater across the aisle and looked out of the window. The rest of the train would be filling up soon.

Boring train journeys were going to get old very quickly. Maybe he should start drawing on the train. Then again, he wasn’t very fond of other people seeing his work, even if it was by accident. The only place he should be judged is at work.

The journey on the way back that day was practically a mirror image. He sat in the same two-seater. He wasn’t actually sure where Frank was though. He hadn’t seen him get on.

As the train waited for the appropriate time in which to leave the station, Gerard’s phone started ringing. He struggled to unplug his headphones before answering. “Hello?”

“Gee?” It was Mikey. “Hey, how’s it going? How’s work?”

“It’s good, yeah.” Gerard tried to force his voice into a more enthusiastic tone but it didn’t really work out. “How’s Uni?”

“Yeah, yeah, good.” Mikey replied, “I met this cute girl yesterday and I’ve already made a bunch of friends.”

That was Mikey alright: an outgoing person. He was always able to make friends so easily. Gerard used to be jealous of his communication skills but he had since learnt to not care. Gerard preferred his own company to anyone else’s whereas Mikey was happy wherever he was or with whoever.

“Listen, Mikes, maybe I should call you back. I just got on the train. I lose signal a lot.”

“Ah, I get you. When do you usually get home?” Mikey asked.

Gerard thought for a moment. “Usually around seven forty.”

“Oh, man.” Mikey replied, “That’s a long train journey.”

“You don’t have to tell me.” Gerard sighed. “I’ll call you around eight, okay?”

“Yeah, sure thing. Talk to you later.”

“Bye, Mikes.”

“Bye, Gee.”

They both hung up. Gerard sighed again as he plugged his headphones back into his phone. He had found himself missing Mikey a lot lately. Even though Gerard was content in his own company, he did miss his brother. It was weird to go from seeing Mikey every day to only seeing him every couple of weeks. Maybe Gerard would visit his mom this weekend just to see some family. Loneliness had been creeping in on him lately. Meeting up with Ray wouldn’t hurt either.

Just like that, his plans for that weekend started to form in his head. It was actually a little nice to have something to do other than just drinking coffee and buying microwave meals. Perhaps he should try and make some new friends. Okay, calm down, Gerard. No need to overdo it. Just seeing his mom and Ray was enough for now. He just had to get through the rest of this week first.

That was easier said than done. Work was fine but something happened on the train that he hadn’t anticipated. He had almost made it through the whole week. It was Friday and he was fifteen or so minutes from his stop. He was looking forward to a shower, some food and sleep. A shower on Friday evenings had become part of his routine now. He liked to have a nice, hot one to relax him before eating some food and passing out from exhaustion. He was doing better on the whole sleeping thing. Still not sleeping enough though. He needed to sort that out.

He stared out of the window, mouthing along slightly to Bastard In Love. It was a considerably amount colder outside lately and he was wondering how long he could get away with just a jacket until he had to wear a coat as well. He wasn’t the sort of person to get cold easily but he was the sort of person to get sick easily. He couldn’t really afford any time off work.

“Hey! Hello?”

Was someone speaking? Gerard pulled out one of his ear buds and turned to see Frank sat across the aisle, looking at him. Gerard must have looked confused as fuck because Frank smirked at him. “Do you have a pen?” He asked.

“A… A pen?” It took Gerard a second to remember what that was. Such a normal request seemed unnatural for some reason.

“Yeah. It’s my mom’s birthday and I need to write her card before I see her. Which will be,” He checked the time on his phone, “In like, twenty minutes. So, you have a pen?”

“I… Yeah, I have a pen.” Gerard fumbled open his bag and took out his pencil case. For some reason, this request was confusing him. It was too… normal.

“Oh wow, you’re fully equipped.” Frank’s eyes widened at the pencil case.

Gerard felt his cheeks tint pink as he handed over a pen.

“Thanks.” Frank took it and pulled down the tray on the back of the seat in front of him to put the card there.

Gerard watched him silently for a moment before saying, “So, how come you’re only just writing it?”

Frank glanced up and smirked again. “I’m a shit son.”

Gerard didn’t quite know how to respond to that. Luckily, Frank continued, “I completely forgot until about two minutes ago and I never remember a pen.”

“Aren’t you a college student?” Gerard asked before he could stop himself.

Frank raised an eyebrow. “Yeah. How do you know that?”

“Um just a guess…” Gerard willed himself to shut up. This guy probably thought he was a right weirdo.

It didn’t seem to phase Frank though. He looked back down to the card. “Do I really look that young?” He asked.

Gerard shook his head. “Not at all. In fact, I would’ve thought you were older.”

“Really?” Frank looked up again. “Then how do you know I’m not?”

Right, what answer was Gerard going with here? Hopefully one that didn’t make him sound like a total freak.

“Your friends are loud and they just scream, teenagers.”

Frank laughed a little. “They’re not really my friends. They’re a good laugh sometimes but not really friend-worthy.”

“What makes someone friend-worthy?” Gerard was still so shocked he was talking to this guy so casually. This wasn’t as hard as he had originally thought at all.

“Hm…” Frank put the card in the envelope and sealed it. “Maybe waking the other up when they're about to miss their stop or laughing at them because they almost missed the train.” He smiled as he handed Gerard back his pen. “Thanks.”

“Uh no problem.” Gerard put it away again. "So you're a pretty good friend then?"

"I try to be." Frank put the card in his bag before turning back to Gerard.

So... Had Frank just said they were friends? How did that work? He didn’t even know Gerard’s name. Unless he had creepily and unintentionally found it out like Gerard had.

“I’m Frank by the way.” Frank introduced himself.

Okay, now Gerard officially knew his name. He wasn’t a creep anymore. Well, not completely anyway.

“Gerard.” He responded with a small smile.

“Nice.” Frank nodded. “So, I’m guessing you’re not in college?”

Gerard laughed a little. “Maybe a few years ago.” Jeez, he suddenly felt really old.

Frank’s eyes widened slightly. “Wait, how old are you?”

“It’s rude to ask a lady her age.” Gerard smirked and took his other ear bud out.

Frank laughed in response. “It’s a good thing you’re not a lady then.”

“Shame. I’m twenty-three.”

Gerard’s answer seemed to surprise Frank because his eyes widened even more. “Woah, seriously?”

Gerard nodded, a little confused.

“It’s just…” Frank turned in his seat so he was facing Gerard properly. “You look younger. I thought you were like, twenty.”

“Twenty-three isn’t that much older than twenty.” Gerard felt even older now.

Frank just shrugged, still apparently surprised about this revelation. He wasn’t that much older than him was he?

“I’ll be twenty this year.” He said. Okay, so he was nineteen. Great.

Instead of letting this get to him, Gerard made a joke out of it instead. “Aw you’re still a teenager? Cute.”

“Hey, I’m not cute.” Frank pouted, on the verge of a smile.

“Sure you aren’t.” Gerard smiled. “And I’m not tired all the time. I mean, come on.”

That made Frank smile widely. “You are tired all the time.”

Gerard nodded and was suddenly surprised by the train coming to a halt. Wasn’t this his stop?

“Shit!” He jumped up and grabbed his bag. “I’ve gotta go.”

Frank genuinely looked disappointed. “Oh, okay. See you next week.”

“Bye!” Gerard practically ran off the train, bumping into people along the way. Under normal circumstances, he would have maybe asked Frank for his number and said goodbye properly. He seriously couldn’t afford to end up in the other end of Jersey though.

He thought about everything that had happened as he made his way to the subway. At least something had finally happened. Even if it was just a talk about college and borrowing pens. Gerard was glad Frank had initiated the conversation because he definitely never would have been able to. He was still a little unsure about the fact that Frank was nineteen. It seemed really young but it actually wasn’t. Besides, there were only three months left of this year so that meant that Frank would be twenty soon. That made the situation seem a whole lot better.

When Gerard got home, he messaged both his mom and Ray, asking about visits. He had almost forgot about that after his conversation with Frank.

Ray replied more or less straight away, saying he’d be up for a drink on Saturday. They arranged to meet outside a bar Ray had described. It was actually down the road and a bit from his mom’s house so he could go straight to her’s after. Everything was working out.

After everything that had happened, Gerard was actually in a pretty decent mood. He had a fuck it moment and ordered a pizza. Screw lukewarm macaroni and cheese.

After he had had a shower and was in his pyjamas, the pizza arrived and he ate it while watching one of the X-Men films just because he could. Life didn’t seem so bad at that moment.

~

He woke up at the usual time of eleven on Saturday. After a couple of coffees, some food and a few hours of drawing, he got ready to go out. He had decided that he would go to his mom’s first to spend time with her and then go and meet Ray.

After a ride on the subway, Gerard made it to his mom’s house by five. His mom greeted him warmly and was already in the middle of making a meal for him.

“You’re too skinny.” She was saying as she stirred a pot of something on the stove, “Are you eating properly?”

“Uh, yeah.” Gerard somewhat lied. He was sure microwave meals didn’t count as proper meals but at least he was actually eating. He used to forget to eat when he was in Art School.

His mom gave him a look before turning to the spaghetti. “So what’s your plan for tonight then?”

Gerard sat down at the kitchen table and took his phone out. “I’m meeting Ray at eight at a bar down town. I’m not sure what it’s called. He just said it was by a pizza place.”

"Try not to get lost if you don't know where it is."

"I'll try not to." Gerard rolled his eyes. Although, he did have to admit that he had missed his mom's worrying. Also, It was nice to spend the evening with someone for a change.

“Will you need to stay here tonight?” She asked.

“Um I don’t know. If I drink a lot, I’ll probably crash at Ray’s.”

“Alright. Just ring the bell if you change your mind. When was the last time you saw Ray anyway?" His mom began dishing up the spaghetti.

Gerard furrowed his brow as he thought back. "Uh... Not since the start of August I don't think."

“It’s nearly October, Gerard.” His mom speculated.

Gerard already knew this, obviously. “Yeah, I know.”

“Have you been too busy with your new friends?” She looked up from the bolognese mix.

She made it sound like he was a kid again who had recently started a new school.

Gerard almost snorted. What friends? “Uh no, Mom. I’m not in high school.”

“Yes, I know.” She turned back to the food. “I was just wondering. Whenever I ask about friends or anything like that, you never really answer. Not properly anyway. You have made some, right? At the office?”

There were two ways Gerard could go with this. He could either lie and say he had made friends or he could tell the truth. He didn’t really need the grief but he felt like his mom should know the truth.

“Well, not really. I know everyone there but there’s a bit of an age difference. I’m the youngest there, Mom. The second youngest is thirty.”

A plate of spaghetti and sauce was suddenly put in front of him.

“I suppose that’s a little inconvenient.” She was saying as she grabbed her own plate. “But it shouldn’t really be an issue.”

“But it’s not like I can relate to them at all. This is my first job and I don’t have a wife or kids at school. There aren’t really many topics to talk about.”

His mom smiled and sat next to him. “What about art?”

Gerard just shrugged, not really enjoying the conversation very much anymore. “There’s only so much you can talk about. The writers don’t seem very interested and the other illustrators like to keep to themselves.”

“Sounds like someone I know.” She smirked and started eating her spaghetti, “Eat up, Gerard.”

Gerard did as he was told and began to eat the dinner. It had been a long time since he had eaten a proper, home cooked meal. He had missed his mom’s cooking. It beat that shitty lasagna any day.

“So, you only see your work colleagues as just that: colleagues?”

Gerard nodded, his mouth full of pasta.

His mom was silent for a minute until she said, “Do you have any friends in the city?”

Gerard’s mind instantly flickered to Frank. He had said they were friends, right? Gerard felt an immense feeling of self pity wash over him. His only friend was a college student he had only spoken to about twice. Great.

“Um, well, there’s this guy on my train that I’ve recently started talking to.” Why was he telling her this? Well, it was better than him telling her he had no friends at all.

His mom looked up from her dinner and smiled. She actually looked a little relieved. “Really? What’s he like?”

Attractive, sarcastic, cute, funny… The list went on and Gerard was sure the list would duplicate the more he got to know him. Frank seemed like such a nice and decent guy. It was just a shame he was a few years too young. It wasn’t that the age difference put Gerard off. He just wasn’t sure if it would work out or not. Younger guys were usually a lot more immature. It wasn’t like he’d be able to settle down with him. It would be more of a fling than a relationship. That was what Gerard thought anyway.

“I’ve only properly spoken to him once. His name’s Frank and he’s in college.” He stopped talking to assess his mom’s reaction.

She just frowned a little. “College? How old is he?”

Gerard swallowed some bolognese slowly, prolonging his response. “Uh nineteen. He’ll be twenty before the end of this year though.” He quickly added, just in case.

“Oh okay.” Was all his mom said.

What had he been expecting really? It wasn't that big of a deal.

“Just try and get out there more.” She added after a mouthful of food. “Socialise. You are getting out of that apartment, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Mom.” Gerard sighed. He was done with this conversation now.

~

Gerard left his mom’s house at half seven. It was already getting dark. Winter was definitely on its way. This was confirmed by the chill in the air. Gerard was glad he had decided to wear his coat as he was walking into town. It was only a fifteen minute walk but he had left himself enough time to get lost just in case.

Luckily, he only went the wrong way once and turned back straight away when he realised he was going in the wrong direction. He found the bar, which was called Bar Anticipation. It literally sounded like a mainstream bar for guys trying to pull and girls on nights out. Gerard regretted allowing Ray to pick the place. Still, he was doing better than last time.

Last time, when Ray had chosen the venue, he had accidentally chosen a gay bar. Gerard hadn’t minded at all but as soon as Ray realised, he went red and took them to another bar.

Gerard was still ten or so minutes early so he went in and headed straight for the bar to get some alcohol in his system. The inside was just as he had expected: loud and full of young, twenty-something year olds. Technically, this was Gerard’s crowd. They were his age after all. However, he couldn’t have felt any more out of place. This was why he didn’t go out.

After Gerard had more or less downed a beer out of nerves, he received a message from Ray saying he was outside. So, he went out to find him.

“Gerard!” Ray saw him before he had even had the chance to look.

Gerard smiled as Ray greeted him with a hug. “Hey, Ray. How’s it going?”

“Yeah, good.” Ray beamed as they both pulled away. “How about with you?”

Gerard shrugged. “Alright.” He pointed behind himself, towards the bar. “This is more like a night club than a bar, ya know?”

Ray frowned. “Really? My friend, Andy, said it was cool here.”

There were many different definitions of the word ’cool’.

“I’m telling you, there isn’t much room to talk. I don’t know if we’ll be able to hear each other either to be honest.”

“Right…” Ray thought for a second before smiling. “I know where we can go. Come on.” He started walking down the road and there wasn’t anything Gerard could do but follow.

Fifteen minutes later, they were sat in a smaller bar down the road. There were a lot less people, too. Gerard felt a bit more at ease.

“I like it here.” Ray was saying. “I come here sometimes with my buddies from the record agency.”

“Oh yeah, how’s that going?” Gerard asked.

Ray told him about work and how much he was enjoying it. Gerard told Ray that he loved his job but he accidentally mentioned after four more beers that he didn’t really talk to anyone.

“Why not, Man?” Ray asked, genuinely interested.

“Everyone’s so much older there.” Gerard said, taking a swig of his fifth beer. “They don’t want to be friends with me.”

“But you’re awesome, Gee!” Ray beamed.

Gerard just shook his head. “I only have one friend and we aren’t really friends.”

“What do you mean?” Ray frowned.

Oh, God. Gerard was going to spill everything now. He sighed loudly and rested his face on one of his hands. “His name’s Frank and he gets the same train as me. We’ve only talked like, twice.”

“You’ve talked more than once, that’s something.” Ray tried to encourage him. “Maybe you’ll talk more. Hey, then you’ll have a train buddy. That’ll be cool!”

Gerard sighed again. “Yeah but... You don’t understand!” He whined and placed his hands over his eyes.

“Then what is it?” Ray asked, trying to nudge his friend.

Gerard eventually moved his hands again and looked down to the table they were sat at. “He’s really cute and I think I have a crush on him.”

“Oh.” A sly smile made its way onto Ray’s face. “I see.”

Gerard instantly regretted his little admission and blushed. This was why he had stopped drinking with friends. He never had any control over what he was saying.

“Why don’t you just ask him out if you like him?” Ray drank some more beer and wiggled his eyebrows.

Embarrassment was all over Gerard. He groaned a little before saying, “Because he’s nineteen..."

They were both silent. Ray’s eyes widened slightly and he drank some more alcohol.

“Didn’t know you were into younger guys.” He eventually said.

“I’m not!” Gerard clenched his fists under the table. “At least, I didn’t think- Frank’s different, okay?!”

“Okay, okay, calm down.” Ray lowered his voice. “It’s fine, don’t worry.”

Gerard slumped back in his seat and stared up at the ceiling. “It’s sick, isn’t it?” He whispered.

“What? Dude, no!” Ray sounded confused. “Not at all. There’s nothing wrong with it at all. He’s not that much younger.”

Gerard looked at him again. “He’s the same age as my brother.”

That made Ray bite his lip. “Uh yeah, it kinda sounds worse when you put it that way. Look, when’s his birthday?”

“I don’t know.” Gerard shrugged sulkily. “He said it was before the end of this year.”

Ray’s face lit up. “Hey, there’s only three months left of this year. That means he’ll be twenty soon enough. The age difference won’t feel as bad then.”

Gerard still wasn’t so sure. There was still a chance that all of this was for nothing. Frank could turn out to be an asshole or worse: straight.

“Look, Gee.” Ray placed a hand on Gerard’s shoulder and looked him in the eyes. “You don't seem to like people easily so he must be special. Just go for it. You never know what might happen. No regrets, right? Yolo and all that.”

Gerard finally smiled. Especially at that last part. “Thanks, Ray. I guess I’ll just see what happens. I really fucking hope he’s gay.”

“Me too, Gee.” Ray patted Gerard’s shoulder, “Me too.”

~

Gerard woke up the next morning with a headache and a guilty feeling in his chest. He remembered straight away what he had told Ray. He felt like a stupid baby for whining about his problems. He needed to stop with the senseless self-pity and move on with his life.

“Morning, Gee. You sleep okay?” Ray was stood in the living room doorway with a mug of something warm in his hands.

“I think so.” Gerard sat up and rubbed his head. “Thanks for letting me sleep on your couch.”

Ray smiled and came into the room properly. “No problem. Coffee?”

Gerard took the mug wholeheartedly. “Thanks.”

After moving the blanket Gerard had slept under, Ray sat next to him on the couch. “So… You feeling better today? You got pretty emotional last night.”

“I’m sorry about unloading on you.” Gerard looked down at the table, watching the steam rise out of his coffee.

“It’s alright. You probably needed to talk to someone.”

Ray was right about that. Gerard hadn’t had a proper conversation like that since well… Since he had last spoken to Mikey in person and that had been a month ago now. When was he visiting from Uni?

“If you want, we can just forget about it.” Ray stood up, “But can I just say: try something with this Frank guy. It’s not the end of the world if nothing happens and it’s better than always wondering if you should have done something.”

Gerard nodded slowly, thinking it over. Maybe he was right.

~

Gerard was nervous about Monday. Especially after everything he had admitted to both Ray and himself that weekend. Whatever he felt towards Frank, whether it was just a small crush or what, it was something. Gerard hadn’t felt feelings towards anybody for a few years now, not since high school. This was all overwhelming and scary in a way. He didn’t know how to react.

Frank was sat in a two-seater by himself when Gerard got onto the train. He could almost feel his heart thumping in his chest. Frank grinned when he saw him and motioned for him to go over to him. After taking a deep breath, Gerard went and sat next to him.

Was sitting together on the train going to be a regular thing now? Gerard wasn't sure if he could keep up the charade of not liking Frank for that long. He'd just have to try.

“Morning.” He attempted to smile back at Frank and ignore the butterflies that started to form in his stomach.

“Hey. Good weekend?” Frank asked, turning a little in his seat so he was facing Gerard more.

“Uh yeah, I guess. Went to visit my mom and went drinking with an old friend from high school.”

Frank’s eyes widened a little. “Woah, nice. I still live with my mom.” He seemed to blush a little, “And I live round the corner from most of my high school friends. I wish I was old enough to go drinking.”

He really wasn’t helping things. Gerard tried not to cringe at how young Frank sounded.

“I guess I will be next October though.” Frank grinned, apparently happy about that fact.

“October?” Gerard was suddenly interested.

Frank nodded. “October thirty-first.”

Gerard frowned for a second before he looked at Frank with an incredulous expression. “Your birthday’s on Halloween?”

Frank grinned widely. “That’s right.”

“Lucky shit.” Gerard sighed.

That made Frank giggle and it was honestly a really cute sound. For fuck sake, of course it was.

The train started moving. It always liked to wait at least five minutes before leaving Gerard’s station.

Gerard noticed what Frank was wearing then. It was some sort of edit of Jason Voorhees and Freddie Kruegar having a fight. The artwork was pretty nice.

“I really like your t-shirt.” He said as he stared at the artwork.

Frank looked down at it and grinned, “Thanks. So do I. That’s why I bought it.”

Gerard looked back up. "You're a sarcastic fucker, aren't you?"

"Not at all." Frank winked at him.

Gerard had to look away after that. Who did this kid think he was, flirting with him? If that was flirting anyway. “That actually gives me an idea for a new character…” He said outloud to himself, thinking about a lovechild of Jason and Freddie.

“Character?” Frank frowned.

Gerard remembered he had company. “Oh um yeah. I’m an illustrator for a comic book called Dark Nights. It’s a sort of Horror, anti-hero sort of thing.”

Frank’s eyes widened in wonder. “Seriously? You’re a comic book artist? Holy shit.”

“It’s not a big deal.” Gerard shrugged, getting a little embarrassed.

“Yeah it is!” Frank encouraged him. “You have such a cool job! I love comic books."

Frank's excitement was a bit of a confidence booster for Gerard. He smiled at the younger one and said, "I love them too. They're a big part of my life. I've been drawing for as long as I can remember."

"That's rad." Frank beamed back. "Music's the same for me."

Was Frank saying what Gerard thought he was saying? "Are you a musician?" He asked cautiously.

"I'd like to think so. I've been playing guitar for like, ten years."

Oh, man. Frank played the guitar. That just made him ten times more attractive. Gerard was more than fucked. Especially if he ever saw him play.

"Oh wow. You must be good then." That was the most Gerard was able to say while internally screaming.

Frank snorted a little. "I hope so. Some people say I am. Although, one of those people is my mom so..." He laughed quietly.

"Well, moms usually know everything so you definitely must be good then." Gerard smirked at him.

That made Frank laugh again. "You're smart. I like that. But maybe you should judge for yourself."

Gerard frowned. "What do you mean?"

Frank seemed to lean in a bit closer to him or maybe that was just Gerard's imagination.

"If I read your comic book, maybe you could come see my band next week."

"See them?" Gerard asked, hoping this wasn't what he thought it was.

"My band's playing in this club next Saturday as part of our music course. There are like, only four bands altogether but ours is the best. I could put you on the guest list."

Frank was asking Gerard to see him out of train journey times? In his free time? This wasn't going to help with the crush at all.

"Is it in the city?" Gerard prolonged his answer.

"It's in Jersey." Frank said, "So you wouldn't have to travel far. You do live in Jersey right? I just assumed since you get off at the first station in Jersey."

Gerard nodded. "Yeah, I do. I guess you do too?"

"Yeah. I love New Jersey." Frank grinned, "So, you wanna go?" The smile slowly slipped and he looked younger with the unsure look that appeared on his face.

Gerard thought it all over quickly in his head. There was no harm in showing up for an hour or two just to watch Frank play. He was just being a supportive friend. But then again, why was Frank inviting him? Surely he had friends his own age who would appreciate it more? He'd only known Gerard a couple of weeks.

Eventually, Gerard answered with, "Yeah, sure. I'd love to go."

The uncertain look vanished completely from Frank's face and he was beaming again. "Rad! I'll put you on the guest list. What's your last name?"

"Way." Gerard replied automatically.

"Cool last name." Frank said, "Everyone pronounces my last name differently."

"What is it?" Gerard asked. If he knew Frank's last name, he could officially stalk him on social media.

"Iero." Frank told him, "It's spelt I-E-R-O. People pronounce it 'Eeero', 'Iro', 'Oreo', and other fucked up ways. You have no idea how many times I have to correct my teachers."

Gerard smirked at him. "I'm glad my name's pretty simple."

"Yeah, you're lucky." Frank stuck his tongue out before he remembered something. "Oh, by the way, the gig starts at eight and it's in this place... I can't remember the name. Actually, what's your number?"

Gerard swallowed slowly. "My... My number?"

"Yeah." Frank was taking out his phone, "If you give me your number, I can message you the venue."

Frank was awfully trusting in Gerard since they hadn't known each other long. Then again, Gerard was trusting Frank quite a lot already too.

"Yeah, here." Gerard gave Frank his number. It probably wasn't the best idea but whatever.

"Thanks." Frank smiled again when the number was in his phone. He looked back up. "I now have permission to annoy you at work."

Gerard smiled as well. "Maybe not."

"But maybe yes." Frank winked. "I'll find out where we're playing and let you know. It's going to be awesome now!"

Ah yes, Gerard was completely and utterly fucked.

~

Gerard was both counting down the days until the gig and dreading it at the same time. He had been tempted to cancel but Frank had gotten so excited when he had agreed to go, he didn't have the guts to disappoint him. Plus, he kind of really wanted to see Frank behind a guitar. It would most probably, definitely initiate even more feelings for Frank but screw it. As Ray had said, yolo and all that.

Frank hadn't been kidding when he had said he would annoy Gerard at work. After sending the address of the venue, he started messaging Gerard every day. Usually more. Sometimes he didn't even say hi; he would open with something like, 'guess what just happened' or, 'knock knock'. He liked to open with jokes a lot.

Frank's messages just made Gerard enjoy his company even more. He learnt a lot about Frank through both messages and on the train journeys. They sat together more often than not, even when Frank's college friends had called over to him. He always, for some insane reason, preferred to sit with Gerard instead.

The concert was slowly creeping up and soon it was the day before. Frank was buzzing with excitement. He had said he always loved performing and got a rush from it. Gerard knew that if he ever did something like that, he would probably be throwing up from nerves.

On the train journey back to New Jersey on Friday night, Frank was talking about nothing else.

"You should probably get there for about quarter to just so you can, you know, stand somewhere you can see. There are seats but standing will be better. My band's last on which basically means we're headlining." He grinned at the last part.

There was no way Gerard could show up for only a couple of hours now. Oh fucking well. This was all his own fault anyway.

"How long will it go on for?" Gerard asked.

"Only a couple of hours. We only have the place until ten. If you want, we could go somewhere for a couple of beers or something after." Frank seemed to be watching Gerard's reaction carefully.

Gerard did well not to faint from surprise or let his mouth hang open. Instead, he smiled a little as he teased the other, "Aren't you underage?" He was using humour to hide behind while he got over what Frank had just asked him.

Seriously though, what the fuck was Frank asking? Was he asking Gerard out? As in, out out? That couldn't be right at all.

"It won't be a problem if you buy the drinks for me." Frank fluttered his eyelashes. His face seemed to drop then, "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"No, no, I do!" Gerard tried to bring back his smile, "I'd love to."

Frank's whole expression lifted massively. "Awesome!" He grinned, "Tomorrow's going to be so good!"

Fucking hell, what had Gerard just agreed to? Why was this happening?

He was glad he had a whole night and the next day to mentally prepare himself. Sadly, it meant that he didn't sleep very much. His anxiety was high and no amount of Xanax seemed to help.

In the end, he had about three hours of sleep, waking up at seven. He couldn't sleep after that so he drank a lot of coffee and drew in bed. He wasn't sure what tonight would bring but besides the anxiety, in the back of his mind he felt hopeful.

When seven o'clock rolled around, he finally got out of bed and dressed. He had, of course, eaten throughout the day, but now he felt nauseous. After about five minutes of pacing and worrying the fuck out of himself, Gerard grabbed his phone and called Ray for moral support.

"Hey, Gee." Ray chirped when he had picked up the phone.

"Ray, I need help." Gerard sat down on the edge of his bed and bit his lip, "I'm really nervous."

"Why? What's going on?" Ray asked.

Gerard took a deep breath before explaining the situation, "You know that guy, Frank? The one I told you about...?"

"Yeah."

"Well, um... I guess a lot's happened since I told you about him. He invited me to see his band play tonight as part of one of his college projects."

"He invited you out?" Surprise etched Ray's voice.

"Yeah..." Gerard started tapping his free hand on his knee, "He told me he played guitar in a band and asked me to come see him play."

"Wow, Gee."

"That's not all." Gerard cut in, "He also asked if I wanted to go for a drink with him after."

"Jeez," Ray seemed to be holding back a laugh, "This guy doesn't mess around. I thought you said he was nineteen?"

"He is," Gerard lay back on the bed, "Um... Do you think he meant it as a date sort of thing or something else...?"

"Gerard! This is definitely a date. Unless he's invited other people to the drink, this has got to be a date." Ray seemed adamant on his answer.

"Are you sure?" Gerard still didn't want to let himself believe it in case he was wrong. That would be both embarrassing and disappointing in one go.

"Yes." Ray said, "Look, just see how tonight turns out. If it is a date, it'll be pretty obvious. He must like you since he invited you out and and to go out after. This kid has some serious confidence. I would never have been able to ask out someone older than me when I was nineteen."

Gerard knew that Ray meant well but none of that was really helping matters. "Uh okay." He knew he just had to calm himself down and get the night over and done with. It was time to man up. "I'd better go. I'm supposed to be there soon."

"Alright, but call me tomorrow. I want to know what happens."

"Okay." Gerard sat up again, "Bye, Ray."

"See ya, Gee. Good luck."

They both hung up.

Gerard could have done without the good luck but to be perfectly honest, he really fucking needed it.

~

Gerard was partly hoping he wouldn’t be able to find the venue just so he had an excuse for not showing up. Sadly though, he found it easily. You had to be an idiot not to see it really. It had the name of it on the side of the building for fuck sake. He had a moment of regret for not inviting Ray or someone just to hide behind them. That would have been cowardly though. Gerard couldn’t help but wonder how Frank would react if Gerard showed up with another guy. Would he be jealous? He probably wouldn’t give a shit.

Gerard stood outside the venue for about five minutes, telling himself to calm the fuck down and having a smoke. He could tell he’d be getting through a few cigarettes tonight.

After he had psyched himself up as much as he could, he went over to the entrance where a tall guy was standing.

Gerard stopped in front of him and bit his lip. “Uh hi.”

The guy looked at him and smirked. “Hi.”

What was he supposed to say? “Uh… Gerard Way?”

“No?” The guy raised an eyebrow, the evil smile still on his face. “Never heard of him.”

“No, no!” Gerard mentally slapped himself. He could feel his cheeks going red. “I’m Gerard Way…”

“Oh.” The guy sniggered under his breath. He probably saw tons of idiots while working there. He looked down at the list in his hands. “You here for that college thing?”

Gerard could only nod while biting down on his lip.

The guy looked down at the list, back up at Gerard and then down to the list again. “Yeah, you’re on here. Right at the bottom. I bet you get that a lot.”

Gerard wasn’t sure if the guy was taking the piss out of him or just commenting on the fact his name began with a W. He hoped it was the latter. Either way, he replied, “Uh yeah, I guess.”

The guy grinned again and stepped aside. “Go on in then. Have a great night, Gerard Way.”

Gerard felt like he was in some sort of fantasy journey and this was a goblin or something blocking his way. At least he didn’t have to fight it to get in. A few seconds of embarrassment had been enough. Sometimes, his whole life felt like some stupid made up story. Maybe he was a character in a story. Then again, who would make him the hero?

He nodded at the bouncer before going inside. It was less busy than he thought it would be. It was dark and almost a little smoky, with people rushing about on stage to do sound checks. He couldn’t see Frank though.

Gerard had a moment of panic. What if he was in the wrong place? He couldn’t be; his name was on the list. What if Frank had invited him along as a joke? But why would he have gone to the trouble of actually making sure Gerard could get in? Before Gerard could worry himself any more, he heard Frank over the loud, bass music playing out of the speakers.

“This is so fucking unfair! We should be on last! Jack is such a motherfucking- Oh! Hang on, Guys. Gerard!”

Gerard turned at the call of his name to see Frank jogging towards him from in front of the stage. The guys he had been ranting at watched him with grins on their faces. Gerard couldn’t help but feel really out of place.

Frank was fucking beaming when he stopped in front of Gerard. “You made it!” This fact seemed to please him a lot.

“Uh yeah.” Gerard couldn’t help but smile back, despite the embarrassment he was feeling, “Here at quarter to eight, like you said.”

“Rad!” Frank seemed to be lingering slightly, moving from one foot to the other. If Gerard didn’t know better, he was sure Frank was contemplating going in for a hug or not. He didn’t though. Instead, he said, “Oh, guess what.”

“What?” Gerard asked. He felt a little more at ease now that Frank was here but he still felt like he could have an anxiety attack at any moment.

“Our fucking teacher has put us down to play first instead of last.” Frank was obviously very pissed off about this fact.

Gerard couldn’t really see what was wrong with that. “Is that a problem?”

Frank thought for a second before saying, “Well, not really, but we won’t be headlining now. I like being the last band on when everyone’s pumped as fuck. Being first on means he have to get the crowd going. I hate that job. Especially when they don’t give a shit. No one pays attention to the first band.”

Gerard couldn’t help but say, “I’ll be paying attention.” He hoped that would be enough to cheer Frank up but he couldn’t bet on it.

Still, a smile made its way onto Frank’s face again. “I should hope so. Otherwise, what was the point of inviting you?”

Yes, what was the point? Gerard really wanted to know.

“You just missed our sound check by the way.” Frank changed the subject.

“Is that a bad thing?” Gerard asked. He hadn’t done something wrong already had he? Knowing him, that made sense.

Frank shook his head, “Nope. It’s a good thing. It means it’ll be a total surprise when we go on stage. I hope you like us.” Frank’s voice went quieter on that last part. It was almost as if he really wanted Gerard’s approval on not just his band, but on him individually as well.

Well, Gerard was sure to deliver. Even if they were complete shit, he would probably grovel at his feet.

“You want to meet my band?” Frank asked, jumping almost out of excitement. Jeez, this guy never stood still.

“Sure.” Gerard smiled, humouring him. To be completely honest, he could have done without embarrassing himself in front of more people.

Frank was already off though, leading him towards the guys by the stage. They still seemed to be watching the pair and that made Gerard feel more self-conscious than ever.

Frank stopped next to them and grinned as Gerard stopped as well.

“Guys, this is Gerard. Gerard, this is Evan, Rob and Matt.” Frank smiled at them all.

The guy called Rob grinned at Gerard. “Nice to meet you. Frank’s told us a lot.”

A lot. How much was a lot?

“You the twenty-three year old?” Evan asked.

Gerard nodded, “Uh yeah.”

"Sweet! You can buy us beer!” Matt high fived Evan.

“Guys!” Frank’s cheeks tinted pink. He smiled at them and through clenched teeth whispered, “Shut the fuck up, okay?”

The guys started giggling and they were obviously embarrassing their band mate.

Gerard couldn’t help but think it was cute the way Frank was reacting. He knew what it was like to be embarrassed by annoying friends.

“You gonna hang around after our set?” Rob seemed to be asking Gerard.

Frank was watching Gerard as well. He had obviously been wondering this as well.

Gerard could so easily say he had to be somewhere but… He really wanted to have that drink with Frank after the show. “Well, Frank asked if I wanted to go for a drink after so yeah, I guess.”

A small smile made its way onto Frank’s face and he looked down.

“Nice! Can we come as well?” Matt directed this question towards Frank.

Now was Gerard’s turn to wait for an answer. If Frank let them come along, it definitely wasn’t a date. But if he didn’t let them…

Frank looked at his friends and then looked at Gerard before looking back at them again. “Well…” He cleared his throat slightly, “I was thinking it could be just the two of us…” He trailed off, looking down again.

Gerard wasn’t sure how he felt. A wave of excitement washed over him mixed with more anxiety and worry. So it was a date then…?

Frank’s friends were grinning like hyenas. They were obviously enjoying watching Frank squirm. They were probably going to get an earful later.

“Oh.” Rob winked at Gerard, “We get it.”

It was Gerard’s turn to go red. Forget waiting until later, he needed a drink now. “I uh might go get a drink before the show.” That was his attempt at trying to escape.

Frank looked up again, his face red with embarrassment. “Okay.” He said quickly, “We’ll probably go get ready for our set. You don’t have to stand too close to the front. See you in a bit.” He then walked off quickly round the side of the stage. After grinning at Gerard, his friends followed.

Jesus fucking Christ. That could have gone better.

Gerard definitely needed that drink now. He went over to the bar and bought a beer before standing next to a pillar and waiting for the show to start. It was two minutes to eight already. To help with his nerves, he sent Ray a quick message: “Hey, so just met Frank’s band. They asked if they could come for that drink with us later and Frank said he wanted it to be just the two of us. Help.”

There wasn’t very good signal in the club so it would probably be a while until he received Ray’s reply.

After a minute or so, a lot of people had entered the space and were talking loudly over the music. Gerard decided now was the best time to move so he could see. He moved closer to the stage and chose to stand near the left side so he wasn’t right in the middle. Standing at the front was a good idea really. It meant he didn’t have to look at the large crowd forming behind him.

Frank’s band started getting onto the stage and plugging in their instruments. Gerard watched as Frank plugged his guitar into an amp. He looked even smaller behind the instrument. It was really endearing. He then went over and adjusted the mic to his height. That made him seem even more smaller.

The music playing through the speakers faded off and the crowd started cheering. Gerard willed himself not to turn around just in case he had a panic attack. The things he did for cute boys.

“Hi.” Frank grinned at the crowd. “How is everyone doing?” After more cheering, Frank introduced his band and the first song. They then started playing.

So um… Since when was Frank a singer?! Why had he decided to leave out this valuable piece of information?

Gerard had only mentally prepared himself to see Frank play guitar. He wasn’t ready to see him sing and practically scream in parts as well. This was all too much. Gerard ended up downing all of his beer in the first song. Maybe he should have bought another ready. It was too late now though. No way was he attempting to go back through the crowd.

Frank’s band played about six songs before Frank introduced the next band and said goodnight. Gerard cheered with the rest of the crowd and soon, the next band were setting up and Frank had disappeared.

What now then? Was Gerard supposed to wait until ten on his own and then try and find Frank? He decided to ditch his spot in favor of another beer and less bodies around him. He did well to make it back to the bar without freaking out. As soon as he was about to order another beer, he saw Frank trying to look over the crowd. He was jumping up and down.

Gerard guessed he was looking for him so he went over to him and patted him on the shoulder when he was stationary on the floor again.

Frank looked at him and grinned widely. “Hey!” He called over the loud music. He then almost jumped on Gerard, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him close.

The hug was a complete surprise to Gerard but he hugged Frank back while trying very hard not to grin.

Frank seemed to realise what he was doing then because he pulled away abruptly, looking down at the floor. “Sorry. It’s the uh… adrenaline…”

Gerard almost rolled his eyes. Now he had a drink in him, he had to admit to himself that Frank must like him. Come on, he was showing all the signs.

“Uh…” Frank looked up again and tried to hide his embarrassment with a smile, “Did you want to go for that drink now?”

Gerard frowned. “Won’t you get told off for leaving early?”

“What?” Frank moved closer so he could hear him.

Gerard was practically yelling in his ear, “Won’t you get told off?!”

Frank seemed to hear him because he shook his head. “The guys said they’d cover for me. Come on!” He then grabbed Gerard’s arm and pulled him towards the exit.

Gerard couldn’t do anything but comply, letting Frank pull him along.

When they had made it outside, it seemed too quiet in comparison to the booming music inside, Frank let go of Gerard’s arm.

Now was Gerard’s chance for another anxiety helping cigarette. He pulled out his pack, placed one his mouth and then took out his lighter.

Frank watched silently before whispering, “Could um… Could I have one?”

Gerard stopped and stared at him for a moment.

Frank seemed to squirm under his gaze and it was at that moment when Gerard realised that he was older. He’d known it all along but it only just seemed to be setting it. He was almost four years older. He was the mysterious, older guy. Frank had been trying lately to sound older around him. Was Frank quite possibly fascinated by him because of his age?

“I don’t want your mom to tell me off.” Gerard said around his cigarette.

Frank made a face. “I’m nineteen, not sixteen! Anyway, I don’t care what she thinks. I’m old enough to look after myself.”

Gerard smiled and took the cigarette out of his mouth. “Open your mouth.” He said.

Frank did as he was told instantly. Interesting.

After placing the cigarette in Frank’s mouth and lighting it for him, Gerard took out another for himself.

Frank knew what he was doing so he obviously wasn’t a stranger to the cancer stick. It made Gerard wonder what else he had done.

“So where did you want to go then?” Gerard asked after a minute of silently puffing.

“Um I don’t know. I was kind of hoping you’d know of any places. As long as I’m back here for ten, I don’t mind.” Frank watched the smoke float off into the night air.

“Why do you have to be back here?” Gerard asked.

Frank’s cheeks went red again. “Um my mom’s picking me up.”

Gerard couldn’t help but smile after hearing that. Sure, he still felt too old to be hanging out with this guy but he didn’t care.

“I don’t really know the area.” Gerard thought for a second, “Why don’t we just wander down the street and see where we end up?”

Frank seemed to like that idea because a smile slowly made its way onto his face. “Yeah, okay.”

When they had both finished their smokes, they started walking down the road. They were both silent at first, Frank occasionally glancing at Gerard. It took Gerard a lot of will power to not stare at the younger one.

“So what do you fancy? Beer okay?” He asked after a while.

“Yeah, that’s cool.” Frank seemed to be losing his confidence from earlier. He now seemed really nervous. Nice to know they felt the same way.

Eventually, after about fifteen minutes of walking, they came across a small bar. It reminded Gerard of the one he had gone to with Ray a couple of weeks ago.

They went to a table near the back and Frank sat down. “I’ll go get the drinks.” Gerard headed to the bar. He suddenly felt more confident and accomplished as the twenty-three year old.

As he waited for his order, he remembered he had messaged Ray and checked for a reply. Sure enough, Ray had replied: “Fucking hell! He definitely likes you! Hope everything works out for you. You deserve to be happy.”

That last part made Gerard smile. Ray was too nice to him.

Gerard paid the bartender and took the drinks back to the table. Frank looked a little out of place, watching people mingle and dance.

“Here you go.” Gerard placed the bottle in front of him and sat down.

Frank smiled at him. “Thanks.” He then took a swig of the alcohol. “So what did you think of the gig?”

Gerard drank some of his own beer before saying, “I only saw one band.”

“And what did you think of them?” Frank was summing up Gerard’s reaction. It was apparently important to him that Gerard liked them.

Gerard smiled at him, “I thought you guys were really good. And hey, how come you never told me you were a singer? That was a pleasant surprise.”

“Pleasant?” Frank raised an eyebrow, a smile playing on his lips, “I didn’t think it was worth mentioning."

“It really was.” Gerard took another gulp, “You’re really good. It’s obvious you’ve been playing for ten years. I could honestly watch you play for hours.” Okay, maybe that last part had been TMI but Gerard didn’t give a damn. It was the truth.

Frank’s eyes widened in happiness. “Seriously?”

Gerard nodded, “Yeah. I really enjoyed you guys.”

That comment cheered Frank up a lot because he drank some more beer and beamed at Gerard. Making Frank smile made Gerard’s day. He found himself wishing he could make Frank smile every day.

"Oh, that reminds me!" Frank drank some more beer and turned a bit more to properly face Gerard, "I bought the first three issues of your comic book."

Gerard hadn't expected Frank to actually buy it. To tell the truth, he hadn't really thought he would read it. "Really? What do you think?"

Frank was nodding and smiling as he replied, "I really like it! The storyline is so dark, I love it! And the artwork is so fucking good! You'll have to go through it with me sometime and show me which parts you drew."

Gerard liked that idea, even if it did mean he would be showing off his work. "Sounds good. My work isn't really in the earlier issues; they're more in the latest ones."

"I'll just have to catch up then." Frank grinned and drank some more beer.

Gerard did the same. He still couldn't believe that Frank had gone to the trouble of actually reading the comic. It was really sweet of him to remember the name of it, since Gerard had only mentioned it once.

"So, how come you wanted this drink to be just the two of us?” He didn’t remember giving his mouth permission to say that but he did anyway.

Frank blushed, looking down. “I um…” He took a deep breath before looking up again. “This is really embarrassing.”

“What is it?” Gerard nudged his arm, “You can tell me.”

“You’ll probably laugh.” Frank sighed.

Gerard shook his head, “I promise I won’t.”

That still didn’t make Frank relax. He sighed again before attempting to meet Gerard’s gaze. “I um… I have a stupid school boy crush on you that’s all.”

Gerard’s world seemed to freeze. Even though he had suspected it, it still came as a shock. “Oh.” Was all he managed to say stupidly.

Frank took that as a bad thing. “Oh, shit! I’m sorry! Just forget I said anything! I’m such an idiot!” He stood up.

“No, wait!” Gerard grabbed his arm.

Frank looked down at him. If Gerard wasn’t mistaken, he was sure he could see tears in his eyes. Oh, crap.

“You’re not an idiot, I promise.” Gerard said quietly, “I actually… feel the same way.”

It was Frank’s turn to freeze. For a moment, he just stared at his counterpart with an expressionless face. Was this a bad thing or…? Gerard found himself losing confidence again.

Eventually, Frank slowly sat back down and Gerard let go of his arm. He watched Frank’s face carefully, assessing his reactions. Shouldn’t he have said something by now?

"Really?” Frank finally mumbled out.

Gerard started nodding like a fucking bobble head, “Yeah, I really do.”

The ever-present smile finally made its way back onto Frank’s face. “Really, really?”

Gerard started smiling as well. “Really, really.”

“Holy shit!” Frank suddenly swore and practically jumped on Gerard.

It took Gerard a second to realise Frank’s lips were on his and he kissed him back, finally letting the butterflies in his stomach take over.

Despite the frantic feel to it, Frank was actually a pretty decent kisser. Gerard could have honestly spent all night kissing him. Too bad Frank had to be back at that club for ten.

After a minute or so, Gerard found his head and pulled away. He wasn’t drunk enough to make out in a public place. Even though he really didn't want to stop.

Frank’s pupils had dilated and he was grinning like the fucking cat that got the cream. “Wow.” He breathed, “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that for.”

“Same actually.” Gerard agreed, ignoring some looks they were getting from the table next to theirs.

For some reason, at that moment, his brain reminded him of something from a while ago. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah." Frank still seemed over the moon, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Do you remember a few weeks ago when I fell asleep in the other carriage and you woke me up before I missed my stop?"

Frank's cheeks suddenly burned red. He hid his face behind his hands. "Fuck. I was wondering when you were going to call me out on that."

"Do you actually go into that carriage sometimes or...?" Gerard trailed off, waiting for Frank to speak.

Frank eventually dropped his hands again and took another swig of beer before saying, "Okay, I swear I'm not a stalker. I just wondered where you were since you weren't in the usual carriage. So, I uh... Went on a wander through the train and I found you asleep in the carriage next to the usual one." Frank seemed to be getting more embarrassed the more he spoke, "At first, that was just going to be it. But then I saw a free seat and there weren't any seats in the other one so I sat down. I obviously knew what stop was yours after a couple of weeks and when you hadn't stood up yet, I knew you were still asleep. So yeah, I was just being a good samaritan and waking you up in time for your stop."

Frank hid his face again out of embarrassment.

Gerard didn't think any of that was weird at all. On the contrary, he thought it was really sweet. He moved Frank's hands from his face and said, "You're really cute. Thanks."

Frank blushed even more. "Really?"

"Yeah, you really are." Gerard leant in again and kissed Frank softly before pulling away again. "What time is it?” He was wondering if he could take Frank back to his place until ten. Probably not the best idea but whatever.

Frank checked his phone. The smile didn’t seem to want to leave his face. "It's almost ten past nine."

"That's a shame." Gerard reached for Frank's hand on the table and started fiddling with it.

Frank watched his hand and smiled. "Why's that a shame?"

"I thought maybe you could come round to mine. We don't really have time now."

Gerard watched as Frank's face lit up massively and then almost dropped completely. "Maybe um..." He moved his hand around so he could hold Gerard's properly, "Maybe I could tell my mom I'm staying at a friends house."

Gerard squeezed Frank's hand. Was this a good idea? "Are you sure?" He asked.

Frank nodded, his smile growing. "Yeah, I am. I'd love to go to yours."

That decided it then. Gerard didn't want to rush Frank into anything. Personally, he thought that staying up and talking all night would be better than sex. Sure, sex was pretty nice but getting to know Frank even more and actually developing a proper relationship with him was way better.

"You want to go now then?" Gerard smiled at him.

Frank's smile grew, if that was possible, "Yeah!" He grabbed his beer and downed the rest.

Gerard chuckled at him and did the same, but a bit less enthusiastically.

Frank was standing up as soon as he had finished. He obviously wasn't wasting any time.

Gerard sniggered again and stood up as well.

"What?" Frank frowned, a smile still on his face.

Gerard shook his head, "There's no rush."

Frank blushed and looked down. "Sorry. I'm just..." He forced himself to look up again, "I really like you."

Hearing that sparked a massive feeling of happiness through Gerard. He grinned widely. "I really like you too, Frank." He held out a hand, "Come on then. I only live a subway ride away."

Frank was beaming again as he took Gerard's hand in his.