Chapter Text
Thanos felt numb, he was standing at the railing of the bridge, staring into the water with a blank expression. He pulled a joint out of his pocket, lit it up and took a hit. The familiar feeling of nicotine calmed his nerves, the smoke burned his throat as he held his breath for a few seconds before slowly exhaling through his nose.
Life was something he gave up on, it started long before he entered the games and met Namgyu, long before that MGcoin fucker caused him to get scammed, wasting his hard-earned money, ruining his career.
It might have never seem like it, but Thanos did care about his career. He always poured his heart and emotions into his songs not ones leaving any unfinished. It was something he was proud of...something that his mother was proud of...until it all went down the drain.
He wondered if Namygu found his note by now, although he doubted it. He deliberately chose the day Namgyu was set to work overtime, so unless there was a change of plans it would still be another 20 min until he reached their apartment.
A part of him was tempted to go back home and pretend he didn't attempt to commit suicide, to burn the note and bury his feelings deep within himself.
But would that change anything? No...no it wouldn't and Thanos made his peace with that.
He was a failure, in the past he tried his best to make his mother proud, then it all came crushing down when his wretched father came back.
Just the memory of that man made Thanos's stomach turn. He unconsciously started tracing his tattoo, it was a snake that started on his back, went over his shoulder and ended right on his chest.
The only reason he got it in the first place was because of the cigarette burns. He vividly remembered getting high before begging the self-proclaimed tattoo artist lingering in whatever club he visited to make them vanish. Even though everything from that night was a blur, what always crossed his mind when thinking about it was how pathetic he had been back then. It made him crackle up, he was still such a pathetic man.
He took another drag from his cigarette, enjoying the burning sensation in his lungs. Drugs, drugs and more drugs that was all he cared about since middle school, he became a regular club goer, otherwise known as a popular slut. He'd take someone's dick in exchange for drugs.
Anything, anything, he'd let them do what they wanted, as long as they just promised him some drugs. Weed, cigarettes, vapes, alcohol, he'd take anything. He sacrificed everything and more, just to experience that feeling of happiness like back when he was still a kid. He was the reason his mother was ruined.
Always stealing her money to go god knows where. The beatings he took for that were nothing compared to that alluring feeling, the thought of getting caught turning him on.
And when he did, it was like heaven, finally someone was showing him the attention he yearned for. Even if it meant getting a beating or two, he'd take it, he always did. His father couldn't break him.
.... Or so he thought until it was too late, the day he turned 15 his world crumbled in ways he thought weren't possible. He snuck out again, just to get high. When he got back it was like all hell broke loose.
Instead of the usual menu, three beatings, some cigarette burns and attempted murder by drowning him, what he got was something he hadn't thought that man would to his own flesh and blood, his son. What he truly wasn't able to handle though was his own reaction. He never thought it could feel that way considering he fucked plenty of people already, acting like a little whore for others personal enjoyment.
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Thanos climbed up the tree as usual, his eyes blurry and his body feeling like a wreck. The moment he climbed through the window, he felt a strong hand on his neck.
He didn't even bother trying to defend himself, he'd just get it over with. His father clicked his tongue while forcefully dragging Thanos into the living room. His mother was silently watching from the kitchen, her expression was one of horror.
Thanos looked at her blankly. He didn't understand why, she'd seen this plenty of times, and honestly he thought she stopped caring about her failure of a son long ago. ,,LOOK WHAT HE DID AGAIN!," his fathers voice was like a knife cutting through the silent home apart from Thanos's occasional groaning.
His mother flinched, her whole body shook as she brought her hands together in a praying motion. Thanos chuckled, he thought it was hilarious, this family was far beyond the point of rescue from a "higher being". In all honesty, religion was ridiculous, people just had to get that stick out of their asses instead of praying for salvation.
,,Huh?" His father looked at him.
He felt his head harshly being yanked up. He bit back a groan at the feeling of his hair seemingly being pulled off his scalp strand by strand. ,,Why are you laughing?," it sounded calm, to calm, like the calm before the storm.
That motherfucker inched closer to Thanos's face. His breath stunk and Thanos's nose visibly scrunched up in disgust. ,,I ASKED WHY THE FUCK YOU WERE LAUGHING!," his father screamed right into his ear.
Thanos jerked back, his eyes wide. Pain shot through his lower abundant. Groaning, he curled up into a ball, whatever his father was screaming sounded like gibberish, the beeping in his ear overshadowing everything else.
,,Y...U...OW....AT...I..TH....TS....IME...OR....A..EW...PUNI....!" Thanos's eyes were glazed over, all he managed to do was bring his arms up to his chest to shield himself from the expected beating.
His father's head turned towards his mother. Whatever conversation that took place caused her to nod in fear, her eyes wide and her face turning paler by the second. With shaking hands she grabbed her phone and directed it towards him.
What? Suddenly his wrist were grabbed by his father, who started to inch closer to him. The thing he did made Thanos's stomach churn.
Something wet? He looked down and almost puked. His fathers tongue was licking over his cheek to his lips, forcefully kissing him, his expression... Thanos knew it all to well. One of lust.
His eyes widen in shook and disgust. His father started to undo the zipper of his jeans, before pulling them down along with his boxers, revealing his dick.
Everything in Thanos's body shouted at him to do something, to run, to fight, to scream, but he couldn't. The after effects of the drugs were hitting him hard, he regretted ever leaving this wretched house.
His father was a man who liked to eat things out until they didn't taste anymore. He savored his food. At that moment Thanos wondered if his father only fucked his mother to get the satisfaction of breaking his own flesh and blood, of raping his child.
Maybe...his whole body tensed when felt wet lips on his jawline moving down towards his neck, his fathers lips parted as he started pressing down rough kisses, before his teeth bit down fiercely. Thanos attempted to scream. However, the only thing that left his mouth was a pathetic whine.
,,Good, good I want to hear it when I break you.," he praised, his hand trailing Thanos's belly button underneath his shirt. The sensation caused his hips to jerk up against his father's crock.
,,Oh, look who is eagerly awaiting his daddy's dick." He pinched Thanos's cheek with a smirk. ,,Be patient my little baby, daddy will give it to you soon.," he scolded him like a child.
His fathers hands moved further, one slipping underneath his pants beginning to circulate around his hardened dick through his boxers, pinching and snipping it, while the other started to twirl around his left nipple. Thanos froze, his body automatically reacting to the pleasure, with a needy sound, it seemed like a whine and a groan mixed together.
Stop it, I'll do anything, just...stop!
He wanted to beg, but.... his body.... it wasn't coopering. His father slowly pulled off his pants and boxers revealing his bony thighs lingered with scars. His father smirked as he grabbed Thanos's jaw to open his mouth against his will. Fingers started play with his tongue.
Meanwhile, he positioned Thanos's legs over his shoulder and slapped his ass, causing a sqeek to leave Thanos's lips. He pulled his fingers out of his sons mouth and rubbed them over his asshole. Thanos whimpered, trying to beg him to stop. A chuckle left his fathers mouth. ,,Someone is being really needy today." He slowly pushed one in, enjoying the expression of horror spreading across his sons face.
,,Having fun? You know I was thinking of fucking your asshole like your mothers pussy." Skillfully, his finger rubbed against Thanos's walls, causing a small whimper from his lips.
,,Mmmmh, you really know how to put up a show for daddy, huh?" Thanos felt a second finger graze his entrance and push in, tears started to stream down his face. Why him? Was he that much of a....disgrace?
,,Ohh don't cry baby.," his father laughed, licking the salty tears of his checks, while simultaneously opening his fingers into a scissor motion, Thanos whimpered. ,,Daddy knows what his baby needs.," he remarked with a smirk playing on his lips, pushing a third finger inside his son.
Thanos's eyes rolled in the back of his head as he whined loudly opposing his own wishes. ,,Fuck looks like I was wrong, you are useful for something, baby and I' think I made you wait long enough..." He pulled out all of his fingers, licking them one by one as Thanos instinctively pulled his legs together.
His father only clicked his tongue in annoyance. ,,Come on baby, don't make this harder than it has to be. We both know you want this."
Then he forcefully grabbed Thanos's ass and pushed his legs apart while bending him over. Thanos's breath hitched, the tip of his father's dick brushed against his asshole and he pushed, stretching his sons asshole to fit him. Finally, Thanos screamed in pain, but the sound instantly got muffled by his father's hands covering his mouth, shattering the hope of possible salvation through their neighbors.
,,Shhh we don't want someone ruining the fun!," his father panted.
Tears streamed down Thanos's face, his father pulled out halfway through only to thrust back in with all his might. Thanos choked and sobbed, gurgling on his own spit.
,,Fuck you are so tight!"
Why him? What did he do? Yes he took drugs, yes he stole his mother's money, never anyone elses, but as if that would make it better. Was he....was he really that horrid, to deserve this? Thanos couldn't...no he....STOP!! He snapped and bit the fingers that were covering his mouth.
His father screamed in pain, fury made his eyeballs bulge out of their sockets, without hesitation he grabbed Thanos's head and slammed it into the hard wooden tiles, covering the living room floor. Thanos screamed.
,,YOU BITCH!"
His head hit the ground again, and he felt something trickling down his face, something warm? A liquid?.... Blood.
,,YOU SLUT!!"
He was forcefully slammed against the floor once more, everything was spinning, and it was like his skull cracked.
,,YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING WHORE!!!"
THUD.....and his eyes rolled in the back of his neck. He couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't feel, and his body went limp on the floor.
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Thanos hugged himself tightly abandoning the comfort of his cigarette, the familiar memory gave him the urge to rip himself apart limp by limp, to force his body to reject his organs and throw them up or to scream in agony in the arms of...of
Namgyu.
Was it really fair, how he was leaving
Namgyu alone, was that tear strained note enough... No it couldn't be, because he wasn't enough, he never was.
He sucked in a deep breath before pulling out his phone and entering his contacts, his eyes softened at the nickname he gave Namgyu, popping up first.
Namsu..... He entered their private chat and skimmed through it for a while, chuckling ever so slightly at the goofy memes he always bombarded Namgyu with. He was tormenting himself...this...this chat it made Thanos think that giving life another shot would be...fulfilling as long as Namgyu was by his side.
No. No..he had to stop...this was... Bad? He shook his head trying to make sense of his thoughts. What he tipped next made it worse....
I love you
His finger was hovering above the "sent" button. He couldn't, not now...it was too late, he didn't want to hurt Namgyu any longer even in his death, besides Namgyu deserved far better than him.
With a heavy heart he closed his phone and inhaled a deep shaky breath, placing it next to the railing along with his jacket and shoes.
The jacket was covered in paint stains, something that occurred during the painting of the walls from their home.
Namgyu's and his... Well now it would only be Namgyu's. The shoes a limited edition that was nowhere to be found anymore, the production stopped long ago. He had to get his hands dirty in order to get a pair of these bad boys.
Slowly he climbed over the railing, half-heartedly wishing for a stranger to stop him, but the people that typically came here didn't give two shits about others, he knew and that's why he chose this specific bridge, the other aspect being that the water wasn't deep, he'd hit the ground.
Then he let himself fall.
The wind fiercely messed up his well-kept hair, Thanos sucked in a breath, and he knew no more.
He didn't even register his body getting wet as he hit the ground, his back cracking and bending in an unnatural way. Despite that, a small smile played on his lips, completely ignoring the blood flowing out of his mouth.
His body went limp....