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“So what the hell shipman? You full lesbo now or something?” Jackie bit out, causing shauna to whip around, knife in hand.
“Fuck off” she mumbled back, already feeling the heat in her cheeks rise has Melissa’s footsteps receded into the woods.
“No now I really want to know” Jackie smirked, arms crossed and hip popped the same way Shauna remembered her. She wasn’t wearing the clothes she died in anymore, now adorned in a clean relaxed outfit, one she’d worn so many times, the feeling of the fabric was burnt into Shauna’s fingertips. Perfectly in season, perfectly fitted to her lovely frame. Her hair was light, clean and loose around her face. She looked like the Jackie that Shauna thought about most often.
“It’s nothing” shauna grunted, taking a step forward, knife still raised towards Jackie’s stupid ghost face.
“I mean I get it Shipman! You get lonely out here sure but come on! Hat girl? Really?”
Shauna frowned taking another step towards her dead friend. If ‘friend’ really was what she was in the end anyway.
Jackie only laughed, head tipped up, canine teeth displayed to the sky above. Shauna shivered. It was all too real, too well remembered. Jackie was so clean and Shauna felt so, so dirty.
“So is this lesbo thing just a stuck-in-the-wilderness type thing or…?” she uncrossed her ams and stalked towards Shauna, footsteps silent even on the dry autumn leaves that littered the forest floor.
“Or maybe it’s always been there huh? You always were a bit shy in the change room” her voice took on a fake lilt, the tone she used to take with girls who thought they could talk to her at parties.
“Poor innocent Shipman! Taking a little extra peak in the showers? Looking a little to long and Tais muscular legs maybe?”
Shauna flinched, staring Jackie down with a withering look that would make anyone else in the team pause. Jackie just smiled, big eyes cruel and curious.
“Or maybe you really did just sleep with him to imagine it was me.” Jackie stated with an air of finality, jaw set, eyes twinkling. Shauna’s mouth went dry.
“Shut up Jackie”
“Oh no” she cackled, almost manic, “It’s all coming together now. Little shauna, stuck in my shadow! But you never really hated it, did you? Huh? I bet you loved being close to me. Breathing my air, sleeping in my bed?” Jackie’s volume grew and Shauna had to remind herself that no one else could hear her.
“You sick perverted-“
“i’m warning you! I’ll eat you again, fucker!” Shauna screamed, leaping forward as she backed Jackie up against the tree where Melissa had been only minutes ago.
“Oh I bet you would” her voice lowered, perfect throat uneffected by the knife shauna had pressed there, deep enough to draw blood in any other circumstance.
She studied Shauna with her keen eyes, the same eyes shauna had always prayed to be the focus of. Jackie was soft under her blade. soft and warm and shauna wished she could pull her eyes away from her open mouth.
“Oh I get it!” she jeered, smirk falling back to her lips with a cruel grace.
“What.” Shauna bit out, feeling stupid for how little she was saying. Jackie always seemed to have a way of making her look dumb.
“It’s because she looks like me huh? Blonde hair, same height. A bit more masculine than my personal taste but I guess nothing is as good as the original” Despite the trademark narcissism of her words, Jackie’s voice was strangely soft, clawing at Shauna’s chest and lungs and heart.
Shauna snapped her eyes up from Jackie’s lips, staring directly at her now. Despite her best efforts, she couldn’t quite muster the rage to push the knife deeper, to step back and walk away. Instead she swallowed thickly, feeling her free hand itch to touch Jackie just once. Just one more time.
“So” she croaked clearing her throat as Jackie’s freezing breath hit her cheek. “So what if you’re right?” Her chest loosened with the admission, her breath freeing itself from her ribs.
Jackie, to her credit, did not look shocked. She smiled, not smirked but smiled, teeth showing behind her perfectly chapsticked lips.
Shauna leaned forward, their noses brushing slightly. She was careful now not to press the blade deeper but too stubborn to take it away. “I did think of you” she breathed, “when I fucked Jeff. you were all I thought of. His car smelt of you, his clothes, his hair.” Jackie opened her mouth in a silent gasp and shauna’s eyes once again found her lips. “I imagined it was you. Every. Fucking. Time. Jackie.”
“And this time?” Jackie whispered, eyes darting pointedly towards the far off camp.
Shauna’s free hand gave in now, reaching for Jackie like it always had, like it always would. It grasped onto her shirt, tangled in the soft fabric. Her palm pressed against her abdomen and Shauna, for a second, forgot that this was all in her head.
“And this time?” jackie repeated, her whisper much breathier than it had been a moment before.
This time… Shauna stared at her, knife finally falling from her hand as her replaced the hard blade with the soft cup of her hand. Jackie was right. Fuck, of course Jackie was right. She wanted to touch Melissa, to kiss her to hold her and feel her in all the ways she had wanted, no, needed to with Jackie.
“Jackie” Shauna gasped, fingers tightening in her shirt and in her hair. God she’d missed the feeling of Jackie’s hair.
She could have had this. She could have had Jackie if she had swallowed her pride and told her. She could have had Jackie if it wasn’t for Jeff, if it wasn’t for Jackie’s stupid mother, and the stupid 90s and the fucking stupid plane crash. God she was angry, all she felt these days was anger.
“Shauna.” Jackie gasped, eyes much darker than before.
It all came crashing down then, all the years of wanting, of hating, of yearning and backstabbing. All the years watching Jackie with Jeff and hating them in silence. All the quiet unslept nights of nothing but Jackie, Jackie, Jackie.
Shauna was quick to anger these days, and maybe that’s what this was. Or maybe is was the glint of Jackie’s canines behind her smile, and the way her hand had found her hip. maybe it was the softness of her neck beneath her hand and the warmth of her skin that had Shauna itching to bend down and bite. The feeling was very similar to anger, very similar to the special type of hate Shauna held for her.
She shoved Jackie back against the tree, pressing her further into the bark untill Jackie smirked like she’s gotten the reaction she wanted.
“Damn Shipman I didn’t-“
“Shut up”
Shauna followed her words with her mouth, chasing them as she crashed her lips into Jackie’s. She swallowed her gasp, biting down on her lower lip before soothing it with her tongue.
It was fake. She knew this. She knew it was all in her head. Some fucked up hallucination conjured from vivid memories and vivid desires.
But god it felt real. It felt real as Jackie kissed back, just as desperate as Shauna felt. It seemed real as Shauna clawed at her shirt and ran her dirty fingers through Jackie’s clean blonde hair.
It was ungraceful and messy and full of grunts and sighs and half choked moans, but god was it perfect. Shauna kissed and bit and sucked at this stupid hallucination and Jackie returned it all full force.
She still felt angry, the special type of rage she bottled up just Jackie taylor, but something about this, feeling her again and again and again, turned the anger into something else that left her mind chanting the only name it ever would. Repeating it over and over like the prayer that it was.
Jackie, Jackie, Jackie.