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Taehyun’s eyes flutter open, the white duvet covering his body and up to his nose; it has gotten colder recently. He turns on his back, stretching his limbs, and finally sitting up.
The bed is incredibly soft. It’s calling Taehyun to lay back down for 5 more minutes. Unfortunately, given his schedule, that would be a mistake. One of the members will shortly burst through the door, telling him to hurry up because they have to leave.
His hand rubs the cotton fabric of the bedsheets, everything on the bed is white: starting from the pillows, to the bedsheets, down to the duvet. There’s only one person that always has his bed white.
His heart skips a beat at the thought of him . He remembers falling asleep on his own bed, but maybe he didn’t. The idea of sleeping next to him makes his arms tremble, redness decorating his face, and – there’s just no way.
It hasn’t been all that great between the two of them after that night. He quickly shakes away those memories. The what-ifs that follow always leave him in a terrible mood. All he needs to focus on is trying to find the right words to explain himself to him.
He stands up from bed, the cold tile against his feet makes him cold. Hands rubbing his arms up and down to make himself warmer.
His brows furrowed in confusion as the sleepiness slipped out of his body; finally focusing on his surroundings.
The bedroom is quite big. There’s two nightstands on either side of the bed, the bed itself is quite big just for him. He spots a painting on the right side of the room near a door, the television that’s in front of the bed, and two doors on the left side of the room.
He doesn’t know where he is.
Did they go somewhere last night? He tries to recall but it’s pointless. All he remembers from the previous night is going to his bedroom and falling asleep.
With short hesitant steps, he makes his way to the left side of the room. The first door he opens is a closet. It’s quite a big closet that has a bunch of clothes he doesn’t recall ever buying. The next door leads him into a bathroom. It is spacious just like the bedroom and – this isn’t his dorm.
He looks around until he notices himself in a mirror. His lips open into a gasp, hands touching his face as he stares at himself. He looks…older. It’s his same face, nothing is different, but it’s as if he’s staring at another person.
Taehyun steps out of the bathroom, walks straight to the bed, and moves the duvet around. He lifts up his pillow, eyes zeroing in on the phone. He turns it on, clicking on the calendar app. A pit forming in his stomach as he rereads the date over and over again.
Wednesday, January 28th, 2036
Taehyun isn’t sure how long he sat on the bed staring at the floor. Last night, he fell asleep at the dorm, and he was 23 years old. Now, he’s 33 years old, about to turn 34 years old. Scared and alone, wondering about the craziness of the situation.
He racks his brain, thinking of what he could do. He doesn’t know anything about the, him, in this world. But he should have all of their contact information.
His hands tremble as he scrolls through his contact list, noticing his members one by one. He presses the phone icon to call Kai. It rings and rings until he’s sent straight to voicemail.
Then he calls Beomgyu – no answer. Tears start prickling his eyes as the voicemail comes up for Yeonjun as well. He sniffles, trying to blink away the tears that threaten to fall down.
He scrolls one more time through his contact, looking for one specific person that’s been on his mind. Except he doesn’t appear and the pit in his stomach expands. It pushes upward and towards his chest until it feels difficult for him to breathe.
The tears fall one by one, each time he wipes them away. He steps inside the bathroom again, noticing his red teary eyes, his nose and cheeks that are also red. He sniffles, turning on the sink and washing his face.
Taehyun isn’t sure how long he spent in the bathroom. Endless train of thoughts wrapping around his head as he uses what seems to be his skincare. He tries to ignore it, but it’s quite difficult to ignore the presence of someone who obviously lives with him.
Boyfriend? Husband? Taehyun doesn’t know. And he doesn’t want to. The two toothbrushes, two sets of shampoos and conditioner, and the clothes; it’s obvious there’s someone else living here with him. His body shudders at the thought of the other person. It doesn’t help that the current him, right now, is madly in love with someone else.
He steps out of the bedroom, the other door leading him right into a hallway that expands into the living room. Everything is decorated minimally but it feels cozy at the same time. The coffee table with a white rug underneath it, the beige colored couches, and the soft sunlight slipping in through the window.
Taehyun looks around, trying to find any pictures to indicate his life right now. There must be a picture of him and whoever he’s currently with around here somewhere. He steps closer to the television that’s hanging on the wall with a long table stand underneath it.
There’s a cabinet with glass doors attached to the table stand, he decides to kneel down until he’s at eye level with it, and there’s a picture.
It’s small and resembles an album-sized picture. He gently opens the door and grabs the silver portrait to inspect it closer.
He is standing in the middle of a park, with a man hugging his waist from behind, the other head tucked in his neck, as he smiles so wide that his eyes are closed. There is quite a lot of snow surrounding them, and both are wearing long, padded black coats with matching scarves and gloves. Taehyun can’t help the smile that breaks out on his face. Even if he may not know who this is, the love oozes out of the picture.
He hears the code being punched in and the front door unlocking; his heart pounds against his chest, fast and hard. With shaky hands, he places the picture back where he found it.
His body shakes with anticipation and nervousness. There’s someone just further down the hallway that he’s spent years with. A person he has no memory of. Someone he shares his space, life, and love with, but no memories resurface. He’s going to meet someone that knows him inside out, but that person is a stranger to him.
With slow hesitant steps, Taehyun walks to where the noise of someone unzipping their jacket comes from, shoes being taken off, followed by the sound of a door closing and slippers walking on the floor.
He holds his breath, footsteps getting closer and closer until he can see the black slippers. It’s as if time stopped moving. Nothing else mattered to him, only the person standing in front of him. The all too familiar lips move as words come out, but no sound reaches his ears. The same hands he’d been longing for. Gently wrap around his waist, bringing him closer to their chest. He’s pulled back again, worried eyes searching over his face, trying to find an answer to his empty question.
“Love? Taehyun? You okay?” He asks while gently shaking him.
It’s the same gentle spoken voice he could listen to for hours and hours. The same big yet soft hands that hold him with such care that he would crave every night. It’s the same man he’s been harbouring feelings for as long as he could remember.
It’s all the same, yet so different.
His face looks much more mature compared to before. The hands and the words spoken are all so different. It’s not the same platonic actions as before. It’s romantic. And it’s enough to have him stuttering out a weak response.
“Y-Yeah. I’m okay.” Taehyun stutters. Looking everywhere but his eyes.
“Just woke up?” He asks and Taehyun hums in response.
He pulls him closer again, tucking his head in his neck, and Taehyun awkwardly wraps his arms around the other’s shoulder.
“I missed you. I hate filming outside of Seoul.” He whispers. The warm breath tickled his neck as he spoke.
Taehyun stays quiet, not knowing how to respond back.
Filming?
He racks his head trying to think what he could be filming outside of Seoul. It can’t be anything related to their group because he would’ve been present. Not sleeping in this apartment that feels like everything else but home.
He pulls away from the hug, pouting as he stares at Taehyun. “You didn’t miss me?”
It moves something inside of him. The pout and whiny voice reflects the person he knows. The same person that he would stare at and listen to for hours and hours because he couldn’t say how he felt.
But it’s different here.
“I missed you so much…Soobin.” Taehyun whispers.
The name sounds so foreign as it slips past his lips. Soobin smiles at him. The same smile that makes his eyes disappear and dimples appear the fullest.
The man in front of him is Soobin, his Soobin, yet it’s as if there is a stranger in front of him, hugging him, telling him how much he misses him.
Soobin leans down to kiss him. Soft lips pressed against his own, as the hold on his waist tightens, bringing him closer despite their lack of space.
His body goes frigid at the feeling. Lips not moving as the other does soft and slow movements, as if easing him into the kiss.
He wants this.
He wants this so badly that it hurts.
He’s finally experiencing the lips he always dreamt of kissing, hugging and touching his body as much as he wants to, without having to hold himself back. It’s an intoxication that fills every cell within his body but comes crumbling down when he realizes each time that this is not the Soobin he's in love with. It’s a stranger with the same face.
The pit in his stomach comes back, a lump forms in his throat, all while Soobin slowly walks them to the couch. Their lips never once separating, each lip movement of his becomes slower, sluggish, until eventually, he’s not kissing him back.
Soobin pulls away before he can even realize Taehyun has stopped kissing him. He gently lays him down on the couch, and Taehyun doesn’t resist. The other is hovering over him as he makes space for himself between Taehyun’s legs.
It all feels so so wrong. He shouldn’t be doing this. He is not the Taehyun from this world or wherever it is that his body was transported to. But he’s finally experiencing everything he’s ever wanted from Soobin.
The kisses, gentle touches, whispers of love. It’s all he ever wanted from him and more. It’s a battle between his heart and mind. His heart longs for this but his mind shuts it down. He can’t have him. This Soobin is not his to have.
Taehyun tilts his head, allowing the other to continue nibbling on the soft skin. His lips stop at the junction between his neck and shoulder, biting and sucking on the skin.
Goosebumps spread throughout his skin. He gasps at the pleasure that shoots down his back, hands gripping Soobin’s biceps as the other leaves butterfly kisses and gives him a peck on the lips.
Each kiss doesn’t have him craving it more, quite the opposite. He’s barely kissing him back, arms flopped on either side of him, while Soobin’s hands go under his shirt. He should stop this, and tell him the truth despite it being so bizarre.
Would he even believe him?
Soobin’s hands go from his waist, down the waistband of his pajamas, fingers hooking under the fabric, and right as he’s about to yank the pants down. He grabs Soobin’s hand, the other stopping immediately, concern written all over his face. And Taehyun apologizes.
“I’m sorry…I can’t do this. Not with you, please, I’m sorry.”
Soobin’s face falls, he looks hurt, and Taehyun’s heart aches.
It’s just like that night.
The other quickly shakes it off. Hands immediately move away from his pants, as he helps Taehyun to sit up.
“I’m sorry,” Soobin apologizes. “Are you okay?”
Taehyun nods, not being able to look him in the eyes. Even in a different time, he managed to hurt Soobin again. He’s pathetic.
Soobin walks off somewhere, and it makes his heart sink. It feels like deja vu, how he also left his Soobin alone, without uttering another word to him. But Soobin comes back with a glass of water before Taehyun’s thoughts can spiral.
They are not the same.
He takes small sips while Soobin stares at him. He doesn’t say anything until Taehyun places the cup on the table.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Soobin asks, worry lace in every single word.
“Talk about what?” Taehyun responds, nonchalantly.
“Taehyun…” Soobin sighs through his nose, “You’ve been acting weird since I got home. I just want to know if you’re okay.”
“I’m fine.” He avoids Soobin’s eyes at all costs but it’s pointless when the other knows there’s something wrong with him.
“No, you’re not.” Soobin stays quiet for a couple of seconds before speaking up again. “You didn’t look happy to see me, if anything, you looked scared. I know when something’s wrong.”
“I’m fin–”
“Taehyun, you're not even wearing your wedding ring. You always do.”
Taehyun shuts his mouth, briefly looking at his left hand. There’s supposed to be a wedding ring there? A wedding ring that connects him with Soobin. He doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It’s like a cruel game of fate. He’s put in this other world, timeline, or whatever it is, and all to make himself and Soobin suffer.
He finally looks at Soobin, his heart sinking to the bottom of his stomach. Soobin’s staring at him, eyes watery, lips turned downward, and Tahehyun knows he’s holding back his tears.
“If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. I just don’t want you to lie to me.”
Soobin stares up at the ceiling, taking a couple of deep breaths, before standing up. “I’m going to unpack my stuff.”
His back is turned towards him, walking away with shoulders slouched down, his feet almost dragging, and Taehyun can’t keep hurting Soobin and letting him walk away. Never being able to utter one word towards him because of his cowardness.
He has already hurt his own Soobin, letting him walk away from him, and he’s not going to do it again.
“Soobin wait.”
The other stops right on his track, slowly turning around to look at him, waiting for whatever he’s going to say.
“I’m not who you think I am.” Taehyun starts off. He’s not sure what exactly to tell him but the evident confusion on the other’s face is enough to tell him that he should keep talking.
“I’m not the Taehyun that you married.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m not from this timeline or whatever. I’m not supposed to be 33 turning 34, my real age is 23.”
Soobin laughs in disbelief, face morphed into confusion as he listens to what Taehyun says.
“You don’t have to lie to me, Taehyun. If you need your alone time, I am going to give it to you.” Soobin responds bitterly.
“No, Soobin. Please believe me.” Taehyun desperately says. He pats the seat next to him, and Soobin goes to sit down.
“Last night, I was 23 years old, the year had just changed to 2026, and I was still living with you, Beomgyu hyung, Kai, and Yeonjun hyung.”
Taehyun pauses, he’s not sure if txt even existed in this timeline, and he’s about to ask Soobin but he beats him to it.
“Txt does exist–well, did exist.” Soobin says without the other needing to ask him about it.
“What happened?” Taehyun asks, curious about the new information.
“We disbanded around 6 years ago. We renewed our contract for only 4 years and then everyone went their separate ways.”
“Do we still keep in contact with the others?” Taehyun asks.
He wonders if there’s anything similar between his world and this one. What could’ve possibly triggered this?
“Of course we do,” Soobin smiles, looking down at the couch then back at him. “We’re actually going to meet them for your birthday.”
Taehyun smiles, a warm feeling in his chest as he hears those words. It’s sweet how even in different worlds, they stay together.
“How did we start dating? Were we always together?”
Soobin huffs a laugh and Taehyun’s cheeks are dusted red. It’s not wrong to know how they got together and they’re married! It’s everything he’s been wishing for. It’s not wrong to want to know about his relationship with this Soobin.
“It took us years to actually get together.” Soobin says, a small smile on his lips. “ We were stupid and oblivious to each other’s feelings…and we hurt each other a lot.”
Taehyun doesn’t say anything, just listens. It’s funny how even in another universe, he still manages to hurt himself and Soobin. Just like how he hurt Soobin that night. He wonders if he’ll ever get the chance to apologize and explain himself.
“How…” Taehyun whispers.
“We had a physical relationship at first. You know, the whole friends-with-benefits thing. It happened during our sweet mirage tour. We went to my hotel room to drink and relax. But one thing led to another, and we woke up naked in my bed.”
“We were too stubborn to admit our feelings to each other?”
“Not stubborn, we were dumb.” Soobin chuckles. “Everyone around us could tell our feelings were mutual except us. We kept hiding our feelings despite us acting as if we were a couple and eventually it blew up.”
“It was obvious that what we had was causing a strain between us. We already had a year sleeping together and we weren’t confessing to each other. Even with Beomgyu, Kai, and Yeonjun hyung telling me that it’s obvious you like me, I didn’t do anything. Instead, you stopped what we had and I decided to go on dates. It caused a huge fight between us.” Soobin smiles sadly as he remembers those events.
“We said a lot of hurtful things to each other and after that, it just wasn’t the same. It was more than obvious we were avoiding each other, fans started picking up on the distance between each other. We were like that for a year until the others had enough and locked us in a room to figure our shit out.”
“Did we get together after that?” Taehyun asks, legs criss crossed on the couch.
Soobin shakes his head. “No. We just patched things up without mentioning our feelings.”
“Then how did we start dating?”
“We started dating 10 years ago. It happened one night where we were talking about the future and if we wanted to sign another contract. I was tired of just being your friend and I took my chances and did it.” He smiles fondly at Taehyun. “There were a lot of tears and apologies but it’s a memory I carry deep in my heart.”
Taehyun returns the smile. Even if his case was different, he’s still happy that they were able to be together.
“Is it similar?” Soobin asks.
“What is?”
“Your situation with your Soobin?”
Taehyun smiles bitterly at the couch. “Not at all. The only similarity is that we’re also not talking to each other.”
“Can I ask why?”
Taehyun nods, taking a deep breath. “I kissed him last month and ran out of the room when I realized. He tried talking to me, but I would shut it down, and two weeks ago…” He sighs before continuing. “I told him I regret kissing him: to leave me alone. It’s obvious he’s been crying, and the others are mad at me. Even if they say or act like they aren’t, it feels suffocating, and I want to apologize, but I am scared.”
“I think you should apologize and confess.” Soobin suggests.
“I want to…but I’m scared he doesn’t feel the same way.”
Soobin scooches closer to him. “It might not mean a lot but it doesn’t matter what timeline or universe we are in because I would always fall in love with you.”
Taehyun grabs his hand, turning so he can put his head on Soobin’s shoulder. His words have his tummy feeling weird, face red as a tomato, but it gives him the reassurance that he needed.
He yawns, eyes closing as sleepiness seems to overcome his body. “You can sleep. I’ll wake you up.”
He wants to go back to his Soobin and tell him how much of an idiot he is. It’s been painful not speaking with him these past weeks. He will apologize and make it up to him. His eyes finally close and he falls into a deep slumber.
💘💘💘
“Taehyun?” Soobin calls out to him. His hand on his thigh while they sit on the edge of Soobin’s bed.
Taehyun recognizes his outfit, Soobin’s outfit, how his heart is beating loudly against his chest, and how his lips are wet.
He’s back to that night when he kissed Soobin. Taehyun stands up, not bothering to look at Soobin, and he wants to head straight to the door.
But Soobin calls out for him again and no, he’s not going to hurt Soobin again. It’s what he promised himself.
He turns around, stares right at Soobin and stands in front of him. It’s now or never. “Soobin hyung…I am in love with you. I love your smile, your eyes, your nose, the way you care for others and—”
Soobin stands up, lips wobbly and eyes glassy with tears, hands cupping his face as he leans down to kiss him.
“I love you so damn much. It’s been hard trying to repress my feelings for you.”
“Will you be my boyfriend?” Taehyun asks, hands holding Soobin’s waist. His body trembles as waves of emotion course through him.
Soobin nods, pecking his lips, “Yes, I’m all yours.”
He silently thanks the other Soobin.
Before he kisses Soobin again, squeezing his waist still not believing this is real. But Soobin’s skin, warmth, and lips are all real. He whispers, I love you, to Soobin when they pull away, hugging him extra tight now that he’s in his arms.