Work Text:
It's the way that Ida looks at him that pushes Aoki over the edge that afternoon.
Everyone looks at him differently now. The people he knows, even the strangers like the flashy girls who call him Ao-pon, all have this look in their eyes. Like they're expecting him to be someone else, but he's not that person. None of them would say he's disappointing them, but he is. It's exhausting. Surely he can't have changed that much?
But Ida...
Ida looks at him differently from everyone else. Nobody has ever focused solely on him like this, with so much tenderness in their gaze, and taken him so seriously without any hesitation. It makes him itch. If he could jump out of his skin to escape it, Aoki would.
Ida sees the person he used to be, just like everyone else does, but there isn't the disappointment alongside it. Ida wants him to remember, he wouldn't be doing all these things with him otherwise, but at no point does he get frustrated with Aoki's failure to recall. Instead, he gives him that careful, considering look and carries on. He takes Aoki to another place which he fails to remember without hesitation.
It is terrifying rather than tiring. Ida loves his past self, but the thing that really freaks him out is that Ida is looking at his present self, the current Aoki, and might love him too.
There must be some kind of cosmic mix-up for someone to love him this much. There's no way Aoki can return his love, no matter how great a guy Ida is. It's better to cut ties between them and return to being strangers. As much as it'll hurt Ida, and as much as Aoki doesn't want to hurt him, it is kinder than stringing him along, pretending he'll get his memories back, that he'll return his love.
Ida deserves better than that. He should be with someone who will love him as fully as he loves them.
"Please say yes," Aoki asks, close to begging, as Ida holds him. He is silent. Aoki braces himself for his agreement. Surely Ida will be rational, agree that this is the best way forward, that there's nothing else they can do. It will hurt, but it's for the best.
"No," Ida finally replies, and refuses to let go.
So Aoki is the one who lets go, instead. He's the one who walks away and doesn't look back.
Ida drank too much, and Aoki can't leave him alone in this state. He'll get robbed, or fall under a car, or worse. He drags Ida back to his place, even if it'll give the wrong impression after how Ida has been staring at him all night.
It's been nine years. How can Ida still look at him just like he did that day when Aoki cut him out for good?
When Ida tells him that the only thing he wished for, in all that time apart, was to be with him, Aoki's exasperation grows. Like he couldn't tell from how Ida looks at him, in what he says and what he doesn't say.
Aoki has been fine. He's cobbled together a life, even if things didn't go exactly to plan. He managed to go to university, to achieve things that he's proud of in his job. He's made new friends, even had a few relationships, though none of them lasted for long. It's all been…fine.
Ida is not fine. Despite the degree, the teaching job he always wanted, he's not fine at all. He missed him the whole time. Ida still loves him after all these years, without a single flicker of that flame. It is still a little terrifying, yes, that someone loves him this much, but as he sits down on his bed beside Ida, it's not like it was back in high school. Ida's love is strong, intense, a tide that could wash him away, but it is sincere and it is for him. At no point tonight did Ida look disappointed that he wasn't someone else. He was happy to see Aoki as he is now, and loves him as he is now, too.
When he takes Ida's hands, his own hands are shaking but he doesn't let go. Ida looks at him, dark eyes surprised but hopeful. He forces himself to meet that gaze, as overwhelming as it feels.
His memories will never return, but Ida is a great guy. He knew that from the moment Ida pulled him up from the station floor, and he found himself unexpectedly a year in the future. That hasn't changed. The whole time Ida was helping him, Aoki learned just how great he was, even if in the end, he had to walk away. Even at the school reunion, on the rare occasion he couldn't feel Ida boring a hole into his back, his gaze drifted over to him. Aoki couldn't keep his eyes off him, even if he didn't dare talk to him.
He could love Ida.
Aoki would like to love him.
"If you want to...if you won't get mad at me for not being like I was before, I'd like to try again." Ida stares at him like he doesn't understand. Aoki flushes, and clarifies. "We can try dating again." It takes a moment to sink in but when Ida realises what it means, he grabs onto Aoki, pulls him into his arms and holds on like he's never going to let him go. Aoki is too shocked to move as Ida buries his head into his shoulder, before he cautiously reaches to pat Ida's back.
"Yes." It's muffled, but unmistakable. "Yes, I want to be with you again." Aoki's hand goes to cradle the back of Ida's head, his fingers moving through his short dark hair and his breath feeling a little tight in his chest. It is hard to miss how much is packed into those words, and how much in the ones that follow. "I love you, Aoki."
As he holds Ida, who he really hopes isn't going to cry because that might set him off and he'll never live it down, he can feel it. He might not remember how it happened the first time around, but he knows it's possible. Practically inevitable.
He can fall for Ida all over again.