Chapter Text
The bullpen is quiet, its usual occupants already packed up for the day. Kate sits at Jesse’s desk, her laptop open in front of her as she deals with the influx of emails that hit her inbox just after five o’clock. Every now and again, she looks up and across the room where Lucy is working. Well, trying to work. Kate can tell that she is struggling to concentrate, her eyes straining under the glare of the screen as she writes up her report.
The bruises are growing darker with every minute that passes, blues and purples painting her skin. The pain of her injuries is obvious as Lucy shifts in her seat, searching for a comfortable position. She winces, sighs, and continues typing.
Kate had snuck into the bullpen earlier looking for her, unaware of the fight she had been in until she had overhead Jane talking to Agent Pike by the elevators. Kate had kept her presence unknown, waiting until she heard the familiar ping of the doors closing before slipping inside, walking past the bank of empty desks until she spotted Lucy in the kitchen.
It had taken Kate by surprise how much her own body had reacted to seeing Lucy’s features blemished with cuts and bruises. She looked even smaller than her tiny frame, her movements slow and timid, and the usual confidence she walks with gone. Kate’s body had grown stiff and it had taken a moment to pull herself together before she had let Lucy know she was there, although it left an aching in her chest at knowing that there was nothing she could do to take away Lucy’s pain.
It is not that Kate is naïve to the realities of the job of a federal agent, and it is not the first time she has found herself worrying about Lucy running into danger when most people would run away from it. But the stakes are higher now, thanks to the last couple of weeks of… whatever it is they are becoming.
That is another reason for the ache in her chest – the guilt. She knows she has been blowing hot and cold during these last three weeks ago, she knows the mixed signals she keeps giving Lucy; and she knows how frustrated Lucy is about it.
Kate is a closed book to most people, but it has not always been that way. As the younger sister of Noah Whistler, arguably one of the most popular boys in school, it had been easy to make friends when she was younger. She had joined the debate team, sang with the show choir, and played field hockey, collecting pockets of friends along the way. She has always been guarded about her sexuality, thanks to her parents’ lukewarm reception to her coming out, which left a scar, but she always knew she had Noah on her side and he always encouraged her to be honest about who she was.
And then, twelve years ago, everything had changed. She had been getting ready to attend a football game with her friends when her mom had called with the news that no family wants to receive when a loved one is serving overseas. Noah was dead, killed by a bomb just outside of Baghdad.
The walls had built up overnight, everyone once close to her pushed away. She couldn’t bear their condolences, didn’t want to hear what a good person Noah had been and how lucky she was to have had him as a brother. She knew that already.
Eventually, Kate had thrown herself into her studies. Her life was made up of long days at the library, her head always in her books, leaving little time for anything else. Sometimes, her sorority sisters were able to persuade her to enjoy a night out. Fuelled by too many beers, those nights often ended in the bed of a stranger, which inevitably she would leave cold by the next morning, not bothering to leave her cell number or email address. She wasn’t interested in anything more than a momentary distraction from the grief that weighed her down.
Until one weekend twelve months ago, when her boss had sent her to Hawai’i for a meeting with the Defense Intelligence Agency, and she had found herself at a bar that had been recommended to her by her colleagues, away from the usual crowds of tourists. She had been waiting for her food when the woman at the other end of the bar had started talking to her.
Lucy was funny and confident and really pretty, and it had been an easy ‘yes’ when she had invited Kate back to her apartment. The memory of the night they shared is as vivid today as it was all that time ago. There had been no slipping away before sunrise this time; the next morning, Kate had not been in any hurry to leave Lucy’s bed. In fact, she had stayed in Lucy’s company until her flight home on Sunday afternoon, more fun and more passion filling one weekend than the whole of the rest of her life so far.
When she had returned home to D.C., Kate had tried to be different; thought that maybe she could find a connection with someone that felt as good as her Hawai’ian tryst – but nothing did, of course. Lucy is one-of-a-kind, she knows that. Still, Kate had tried – with Cara.
Cara works for the National Security Agency, so their paths crossed at work every now and again. And then, one day, Kate had showed up to her usual Sunday morning yoga class to find Cara in the space next to her favoured spot in the room. The conversation was polite that first day, but Cara came back the next week, and the week after. The fourth time, she invited Kate out for a post-workout coffee. It had quickly turned into the occasional lunch or dinner, until one night Kate had kissed her in the dark corners of A League of Her Own.
Being with Cara was easy, but it didn’t ignite any fires inside of Kate and she knew the relationship had a shelf-life. She thought it was pretty obvious, actually, but even once she had moved to Oahu, Cara kept calling and texting. Kate figured it would fizzle out, and it almost did – until they had hooked up a few months ago when Kate was on the mainland for a meeting at HQ. It was stupid, she knows that, because it gave the wrong signal to Cara that there was something left of their relationship. But it was before she kissed Lucy in her apartment, before their conversation in the car park and before they had finally given in to their feelings for each other, Kate reminds herself – as if that makes it better somehow.
She is stupid, Kate knows, not to tell Cara that it is over. All those years of hook-ups and avoiding anything with feelings when she was younger means that Kate isn’t very good at relationships – or ending them. She shies away from the confrontation, figures that Cara will see it for herself soon. She doesn’t seem to be getting it just yet, judging from their call this morning. It wasn’t exactly true when Kate had told Lucy that her phone call had nothing to do with the way she had squirmed when Lucy had brought up a date at Rock ‘n’ Bowl earlier.
Compartmentalising her relationship with Lucy has nothing to do with Cara – or Lucy. She is crazy to think that Kate would be anything but proud to show her off. No, it has everything to do with Kate and how she prefers not to be perceived, to stay hidden behind her walls.
She isn’t sure Lucy would see it like that, though.
It doesn’t feel good to lie to her and Kate knows she needs to fix it, before it all goes wrong. But not now. All Kate needs to do tonight is drive Lucy home and take care of her while she is injured.
She snaps her laptop shut, the sound catching Lucy’s attention.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry,” Kate says. “Why don’t I take you back to your apartment? We can order dinner on the way.”
Food, she knows, is a good excuse to get Lucy away from her desk and to somewhere more comfortable. Kate pushes her chair back and stands up, putting her laptop into her bag before Lucy has the chance to say no, to insist that she needs to finish her report – even though they both know that Jane would send her straight home if she was still here and saw how exhausted Lucy is.
Lucy nods, unable to hide the relief from her face.
“That sounds great.”
She saves the latest version of her report and switches off her screen. Kate pre-empts her next move and is at her desk before Lucy tries to lean down to pick up her backpack.
“I’ve got it,” Kate says, picking it up and slipping her arm through it, not giving Lucy the chance to carry it herself. “How about pizza?”
Lucy narrows her eyes. “But we had pizza the other day?” she says – when Kate had pointed out that pizza was not, in fact, a staple food.
Kate smiles and shrugs her shoulders.
Lucy stands up gingerly and Kate’s instinct is to hold out her free arm for support. Lucy accepts it grateful, then pauses, looking up at Kate with uncertainty. Is it too much to hold her hand in the middle of the bullpen, Lucy is wondering, and Kate hates the doubt that lingers there. She responds with a reassuring smile.
“Come on, let’s go home.”
They travel in Kate’s car, leaving Lucy’s in the parking lot of Pearl Harbour until she is well enough to drive it. The radio plays some classic eighties rock ballads that Kate hums along to as she drives. Lucy rests her head against the cool glass of the window, her eyes dipping every now and again as she fights sleep. They hit traffic on the highway which slows them down and, by the time they make a quick stop at Kate’s apartment so she can pick up an overnight bag, Lucy has succumbed to her slumber.
Lucy lives in one of the smaller apartment blocks across the canal behind Waikiki. She doesn’t care much for the sea and enjoys her view of the city and the park. It suits her chaotic personality, compared to the calm ocean that greets Kate every morning.
Kate has only been here a couple of times and navigates her way into the parking lot, pulling into Lucy’s space. Lucy doesn’t stir, even when she turns off the ignition, and so Kate reaches out to grip her wrist, shaking her lightly.
“Hey, Luce? We’re here,” she says, her voice soft and low.
“Hmm,” Lucy hums. “Home?”
“Yeah.”
Kate jumps out of the car and goes round to Lucy’s side, opening the door and unbuckling Lucy’s seatbelt to help untangle her without irritating her bruised ribs. Lucy accepts her outstretched hand to climb out of the car, letting Kate take some of her weight as she drops to the ground. Kate grabs their bags from the back seat and they make their way inside, taking the elevator to Lucy’s apartment. Kate can sense Lucy’s exhaustion and holds off ordering dinner, pretty sure that all Lucy will want to do is fall into her bed as soon as she sees it.
As the cab ascends, Kate brushes Lucy’s hair off her shoulder, exposing the dark bruise on her chin. Her spine shivers at the sight of it – something that she can’t hide from Lucy.
“It’ll fade, you know,” Lucy says.
Kate shifts her eyes to look into Lucy’s.
“I know. I just…” She purses her lips. “I don’t like seeing you hurt.”
She can’t mask the quiver in her voice. Lucy notices it too, taking Kate’s hand and squeezing it with as much energy as she can muster. Kate half-smiles, wishing she could wrap her arms around Lucy and hold her tight, but knowing that it will only hurt her.
The elevator doors ping as they reach the fourth floor, and it breaks their eye contact as Lucy looks towards the open space. She walks out first, still with a limp in her step as she makes her way down the corridor towards her front door.
“Keys?” Kate asks.
“Side pocket,” Lucy says, letting Kate retrieve them for her.
Her apartment is a little haphazard. She had left in a rush this morning, as usual. There is a pile of dishes in the kitchen, a wicker basket full of freshly washed clothes that she has not had time to put away yet, and she knows she hasn’t swept the floor for over a week.
“Sorry, I haven’t had time to clean lately,” Lucy says as she leads the way inside.
“It’s okay,” Kate says, dropping their bags onto the kitchen counter.
“Hmm,” Lucy muses, “you’re already making a list of chores to do while you’re here, aren’t you?”
When Kate blushes, Lucy laughs.
“You don’t have to,” she says. “I’ll get around to it.”
“With bruised ribs? I don’t think so,” Kate scolds. “So, pizza?”
As expected, Lucy is too tired and too sore to eat a big meal.
“What about a bath instead? I brought some Epsom salts from my apartment, it might help you feel better,” Kate suggests.
Lucy nods and leans tentatively against Kate, looking up and resting her chin on Kate’s arm.
“You make me feel better.”
A genuine smile breaks across Kate’s face and she dips her head to kiss Lucy lightly. They linger in their closeness for a moment, until Kate feels Lucy’s body sag against her, weary from standing up for too long.
“Go, get ready and I’ll run the water for you.”
There is a heaviness on her chest as she watches Lucy limp away and she pushes it aside, grabbing the salts from her bag and heading into the bathroom. She fills the bath with warm water, pouring in a generous amount of salts and adding some bath oils as well.
“Hmm, it smells good in here,” Lucy says when she appears in the doorway, wrapped up in a thick white robe and her hair pulled back into a high bun.
She shrugs it off and Kate’s breath catches in her throat, her eyes drawn to the dark bruise on Lucy’s hip and up the side of her ribs, thanks to the way she had been slammed into a rock earlier today. She is slowly realising that seeing Lucy’s body like this is something she is going to have to get used to.
“Hey,” Lucy says softly. “Eyes on my boobs, okay?”
Kate chuckles as she tears her eyes away from the bruise.
“Always,” she says. She tips her head towards the bathtub. “Why don’t you get in.”
She watches as Lucy climbs into the tub, her movements slow and careful, but despite her obvious discomfort, she sighs with relief when she sinks into the warm water. Kate perches on the side of the tub.
“Better?”
Lucy nods. “Although I’d rather you were in here with me.”
“Hmm,” Kate says, dipping her fingertips into the water and creating a small whirlpool, “I think it’ll be a few days before we do that again.”
Lucy pouts, but at least there will be a next time. She catches Kate’s hand and presses their palms together, their fingers interlinked. Kate lifts them to her mouth, pressing her lips to the back of Lucy’s hand.
“You should probably eat something before you take more painkillers,” Kate says softly. “I’m going to go see what’s in your cupboards.”
They both know what she really means is that she is going to tidy up the apartment for Lucy.
“Don’t fall asleep, okay?”
Lucy nods, even though she closes her eyes. Kate leaves her to rest and heads out into the apartment. Once she has changed into the more comfortable clothes she brought from home, she starts with the kitchen, rinsing the worst of the grime from the dishes before stacking them in the dishwasher. She clears the out-of-date food from the refrigerator, wipes every surface, and replaces the water in the vase that sits on the counter, hoping to revive the flowers that are just starting to wilt.
Next is the pile of laundry, emptying the basket and then folding each item neatly to prevent too many creases. She pulls out a fresh pair of pyjamas for Lucy to wear when she is out of the bath and changes her bedding, knowing how much she loves fresh sheets. She sweeps the floor and plumps the pillows, folds the blankets that are thrown over the couch and tidies away the random shoes she finds scattered around the apartment. When she is done, she opens a window to let in some fresh air.
Kate is cracking some eggs into a bowl when Lucy emerges from the bathroom, back in her robe, her hair now loose around her shoulders.
“You really didn’t need to do this, you know.”
Kate shrugs. “I like taking care of you.”
Lucy wanders over to her, her bare feet padding against the wooden floor. She slips her hands around Kate’s waist, closing the distance between them. If it hurts her to press her body against Kate’s, she doesn’t show it. Kate wraps an arm around Lucy’s shoulders, trying not to irritate her bruises, and leans down to kiss her.
“Thank you,” Lucy says. “You’re really good at this.”
“Cleaning your apartment?” Kate laughs.
“Taking care of me.”
Kate feels Lucy’s arms grow tighter.
“Well,” Kate says, smoothing Lucy’s hair from her eyes, “there are fresh PJs for you on your bed.”
“Oh, you’re an angel!” Lucy says.
She tugs at Kate’s waist, demanding another kiss, before she limps her way into the bedroom. She appears a few minutes later, dressed in the pyjamas that Kate picked out for her and her favourite Dallas Cowboys hoodie, and immediately flops on the couch to flick through the television channels. Kate is scrambling eggs on the stove, two slices of bread toasting, and she plates it all up for them both and delivers one plate to Lucy, who already looks half-asleep.
“Eat, and then you can take two more Advil,” Kate says, her tone leaving no room for negotiation. She looks up at the television. “What’re we watching?”
“RuPaul’s Drag Race, obviously,” Lucy says.
They eat in silence, except for the television and the laughs that erupt from them every now and again. It feels comfortable and nice, Kate realises, to just be in Lucy’s presence without the expectations of the outside world. She knows that Lucy wants more from her though. It is not easy for her to let down her walls, but she knows the payoff will be worth it. Be a little more Noah is her way of trying.
“Just one more episode!” Lucy insists after they have eaten and their dirty plates have been cleared away.
“Lucy, you need to rest.”
“I can rest on the couch,” Lucy says.
Kate narrows her eyes. “Fine. But I want you horizontal.”
That makes Lucy smirk. “Only if you get horizontal with me.”
Kate bites back her smile but does what Lucy wants and gets comfortable on the couch, stretching out with her head propped up by cushions at one end. Lucy shuffles between Kate’s legs and lies down on top of her. It takes her a minute to find the most comfortable spot and, when she settles, she rests her head on Kate’s chest, her head turned towards the television as a new episode starts to play. Kate pulls down a blanket and spreads it out over them, then wraps her arms loosely around Lucy’s back.
“Comfortable?”
“Very,” Lucy says.
Kate smiles to herself. She could get used to this, she thinks – the warm, cosy moments with Lucy, minus the cuts and bruises, obviously. It is not that she shies away from physical affection, but acts of service has always been her love language. She likes this, though, the way Lucy fits so easily into her arms and the warmth of her body resting on top of hers.
Lucy falls quiet, her breath becoming slow and steady, and Kate presumes she has fallen asleep, until she speaks.
“Kate?”
“Yeah?”
“You’ll stay tonight, won’t you?”
Kate feels a warmth spread across her chest at knowing she is wanted.
“Yes, Lucy, I’ll stay.” She presses her lips against the top of Lucy’s head, kissing her thick dark hair. “I’m not going anywhere.”