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Rupert has never given much thought into family. It is something you’re born into. People that gives you a background and expectations you can’t really reach.
Taggie started thinking about family from the day her sister was born. How she herself had done something unforgivable even before she came into this world that destroyed what was supposed to be her closest contacts. How her sister had been both wanted and managed to stay away from that very same sin.
Rupert didn’t really care all that much about it when he married for the first time. Celebrated his engagement with fucking another woman than the one he were to wed. His son a frustration more than anything else, his daughter the only exception. Though it was constantly being criticised by his wife.
Taggie grew up being a problem. Being called stupid and dumb and only manages to get away from those accusations when she learned to cook. To be useful. To always help out. To always stretch herself as much as those around her needed her to. She had no idea life could be any different.
Rupert is mostly mad over being humiliated the way he was, more than actually having his wife leave. Haven’t liked her in years, if ever. It doesn’t really change much. The way getting married never did to begin with. Finds himself missing his youngest one every so often, though he is glad the dogs can now have true free reign over the house without anyone trying to guilt him about it.
Taggie knows she owes everything to her mother, whom she almost killed. And thus, when her mother comes prancing in, bragging about her new partner, Taggie stays silent. The way her mother made her promise. Is bound to do anything that could put herself in a better light in her mothers eye.
Rupert is stopped in his tracks by the lady in red.
Taggie is swept up in the arms of a man definitely not a white knight, made into the lady in red.
—
It’s something new. For the both of them
Taggie finds a freedom from the chains of family in a bluebell forest.
Rupert finds reflections in the eyes of a blue eyed girl.
—
Rupert starts looking inwards. At his own values, at what he can see reflected in those blue, blue eyes. For the first time he is unsure about himself. It’s a new feeling at almost 40 years old.
Taggie start breaching outwards. Lets a little bit go of the pressure that is taking care of her whole family. Of being the glue holding them all together. It’s a new feeling at 20 years old.
—
Rupert haven’t though much about family since his ex left him, but when he is asked about being in love on live television it takes him a second to answer. Knows he will be lying even before he opens his mouth. Isn’t ready for the world to examine his worth yet. Looks outside himself and finds himself unworthy of the thing he wants. Even goes as far as promising to not go after it.
He has never not gone after something he wants.
Taggie looks at her parents relationship and knows that if she is ever to have a family, that it should be nothing like that. A writer who’s books she is unable to read showing more compassion towards her than her mother ever has. A neighbour across the valley, seeing her whenever she steps into the room in a way her father never has. A bar-owner praising her food to the gods, where her family usually doesn’t even say thank you. All of these strangers, turned friends, turned into more of a support system than her family has ever been.
Rupert wants, and still makes horrible mistakes. Wants her and still pull another into his arms. Can see her want as well, but trying to keep his promise. This once. Breaking himself apart in the honour of keeping a promise. Still can’t help but think about her even in the maddening heat. Buys her the most expensive thing he can find. Not just because of the price, but because he looks at it and is reminded of her, of the way she looks at the world.
Taggie feels confused. The push and pull of someone seeming interested, only to turn her away. She feels young and naive. But he brings her dog a gift. Bring her a gift. And Taggie can’t remember the last time anyone gave her a gift just because. (Unless she counts his last gift, the one she couldn’t accept for how expensive it clearly was.) Loves this little egg he now brings her. How absolutely stunning it is. How he remembered her.
—
And then the world changes again. As is its nature.
An almost car crash. A hug held to long, to crushing.
A safety in the wake of an almost disaster.
A black hole they’ve been balancing on the edge of, and that they now both fall into.
—
Taggie feels a lightheartedness beside him in the car. On the road without any other watching eyes. And she thinks she might not have misunderstood any of this after all. Though she is reminded every night how he belongs to another, and so she gives in when someone else asks her out. Follows his advice to not just wait for her life to happen, but go out and take all the opportunities she can.
Rupert have never much cared how his days where spent as long as life kept on being interesting. He survived giving up the only thing he had ever been good at, but now he can’t wait for every new day. Would be happy to spend the rest of his life on the road, as long as she is beside him every mile travelled down it. Feels the cold shock of her suddenly finding someone else. Some part of him obviously expecting her to wait for him. For her to feel the same pull and rightness that he does. Still he doesn’t blame her.
—
Taggie is surprised by her fathers words. How much they shock her. How much they pain her. How a man who has never been there for her suddenly pretends to care. Knows it is more about the person on the other side then her. Knows it has never really been about her. That nothing will ever really be about her.
Rupert is unable to answer that nothing happened. Even as nothing did. Not really. The conversation still not moving on and he knows he is about to be an arse long before he opens his mouth. Knows he deserves the punch to the face, even if the man throwing it didn’t have that right. Had never been there enough for her, to claim such things now.
Taggie doesn’t know how to feel. A relief and frustration at war inside her. Knowing she wasn’t imagining it all. Knowing her father was once again prioritised before her. Is once again reminded that she won’t be prioritised when her father just lets her mother leave. And when she suddenly finds herself alone in the kitchen with him she dares to be brave in a way that is so far outside her comfort zone.
—
“But he is not you”
“But she is not you”
The world forever changed.