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“I’m so sorry, Zichen,” Xiao Xingchen murmurs as he takes in the sight of Song Lan’s face. He’d been given a strong sedative medication almost as soon as they’d gotten there. He had only been half-conscious at that point and in so much pain that Baoshan Sanren had decided that it would be cruel to keep him awake. He hadn’t protested when she’d fed him the concoction.
Xiao Xingchen knows that if he was awake, Song Lan wouldn’t want him to do this. No matter how angry he may be, he knows that his long-time companion wouldn’t want him to make this kind of sacrifice, but… it’s one Xiao Xingchen must make anyway. He can’t restore Baixue Temple, he can’t bring back Song Lan’s brothers or his shifu, but he can do this.
“Xingchen,” Baoshan Sanren’s voice comes from behind him. She has always been a serious woman, and not one to show strong emotions often, but Xiao Xingchen knows her well enough to tell that she finds this painful too. She doesn’t want to do it, but she in turn knows her disciple well enough to know that once he’s put his mind to something, he won’t change it easily, or at all. It had been the same when he’d left her mountain for the first time - she’d known that nothing she could have said would have changed his mind.
“Just another moment, shifu,” he murmurs as he fully takes in the sight of Song Lan’s face. He ignores the redness and swelling around his closed eyes and focuses instead on memorizing everything about him. He never wants to forget this handsome face. He never wants to forget how Song Lan looks on the rare occasions that he smiles. He never wants to forget how his eyes had looked, dark and warm when they’d turn their gaze on him.
“I won’t forget,” he murmurs softly before taking a deep breath and turning back to his shifu. “I’m ready.”
She nods and gestures for him to lay down on the bed next to Song Lan’s. He doesn’t tear his gaze away from Song Lan’s face until the draught he’s given to drink forces his eyelids shut and he sinks into a deep darkness. A darkness that will be his reality from now on.