Archive of Our Own

1 —

The light breeze, the pretty colors of the sun as it set, the warmth of the light on his skin— Mingyu couldn’t have dreamt of a better way to end his day.

Well, he could think of one thing. His college acceptance letter.

Mingyu had been playing basketball for hours at that point, and all his teammates had already bid him goodbye, but he kept going. The anxiousness of college results was dawning on him, and he wanted to do everything he could to distract himself. He wanted to focus on the now to ease his jittery nerves. Look at the pretty colors of the sun, think of how it feels to play and play and play. Just focus on getting this ball through the hoop. This is the only thing in your control now.

Eventually, he heard rustling where the bleachers were and saw none other than Seo Myungho taking a seat. Okay, maybe there were two things that could make his day better.

Usually, there would be people watching the basketball players after class, but it was quite late already by then and everyone had gone home. Everyone but Minghao and Mingyu.

Mingyu could come up to Minghao and ask how he was, or what he was up to. They were both in the same circle of friends and it really should not be that difficult, but Mingyu and Minghao were never close. Sure, they were in the same circles, but they were only really friends by association. They only really hung out in large groups. They were never close in ways that gave Mingyu the right to come up to him and casually spend time together one-on-one.

And they were most definitely not in comforting terms with each other, as Mingyu quickly realized the evident pout on Minghao’s face was enough sign for him to know he’s having a bad day and Mingyu shouldn’t even try to get close. At least I know I’m not the only one bothered with everything going on.

When you’re in high school, even the small things feel so big, and Mingyu is somewhat comforted that he’s not the only victim to it.

Yet, even as Mingyu continued to try playing, he found himself losing focus. He couldn’t help but keep taking glances at Minghao and see what he’s up to. Mingyu dismissed this as him being tired after hours of playing, and went closer to the bleachers where his bag was. As he approached, he finally saw what Minghao was up to.

Minghao held in his hands a box as he obviously tried to compose himself and smile. Mingyu admired the effort. 

As Minghao tried to open the box, Mingyu realized what it was— a blind box. One with little figurines where you don’t get to choose what you get, you just have to hope you get what you want. Mingyu never got the hype for those kinds of things. If you want something, you should be able to go for it, he believed, and not have to risk it a million times before you do.

But still, he wasn’t gonna rain on anyone’s parade, especially when that small box seemed to be the one thing holding Minghao together that night.

Mingyu slowed down fixing his bag so he could keep having an excuse to stay by the bleachers and watch Minghao from the corner of his eye. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was also curious what the blind box had for Minghao. He wouldn’t admit it, but the way the orange hues of the sunset hit Minghao’s skin was a view he wanted to bask in a little longer. It was pretty hard to stop looking.

Minghao’s phone rang suddenly and he had to set down the blind box on the chair beside him. As he took the call and looked up, Mingyu hurriedly looked down at his bag while Minghao spoke quietly to his phone in Chinese.

The next thing that made Mingyu look up was the sound of Minghao’s loud gasp. “Oh my god, no!” 

The basketball area of their high school was outdoors, where many random pets sometimes walked by. Sometimes it would be a cat laying on the bleachers to take a nap, other days it would be dogs looking for a fallen branch to bite and take home.

Today, the dog wanted to take away Minghao’s blind box.

The dog ran too quickly for either Minghao or Mingyu to do anything. Mingyu was too shocked to move quickly and, even if he wanted to run after the dog, they both knew it wouldn’t lead to anything. Minghao, obviously dejected, muttered something in Chinese quickly to whoever called him then ended the call. He slumped on the bleachers and held his head down.

“Sorry about that, Myungho,” Mingyu muttered. It would’ve been too rude not to say anything. “The dogs around here tend to get a little playful. One time a dog actually bit my folder and ate my homework, and my teacher wouldn’t believe me when I told her, but the dogs here really are–”

Mingyu started rambling out of nervousness, trying to fill up the air, but soon enough he was interrupted by the soft sound of a sob.

It would have been easy to miss it. Maybe Mingyu should have pretended that he did, but Mingyu was never good at that.

He hurriedly climbed up the steps of the bleachers closer to Minghao and sat beside him to pat his back. “Oh my god, Myungho, I am so, so, so sorry I did not chase after the dog.”

Minghao’s sobs mixed with a giggle after that, but he still refused to look up. “This is so stupid. You probably think I’m so stupid now crying over some toy.”

“I don’t think that way at all!” Mingyu affirmed . “ I would totally cry if a dog took away my favorite comic book, or something.”

Mingyu heard Minghao sigh. “It’s been such a long, long day. I just wanted to open my blind box.” Minghao muttered, then the sobs started getting louder.

Mingyu did not know what to do with himself except keep patting Minghao’s back. “I’m not even asking anymore to get into my dream college. I’m not asking for a perfect grade in the exam I stayed up all night studying for. I’m not asking to go home to China just for a hug from my parents. I’m not asking for much, just my blind box.” Minghao rambled softly in between sobs. Mingyu, getting carried away, shifted their position. He cradled Minghao’s head and urged it to lay on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around the smaller and kept patting his shoulders. 

Minghao just let him. Too tired to fight it.

“Hey it’s okay,” Mingyu said softly and repeatedly until Minghao calmed down. “I’m sure you’ll get everything you want in time.”

Soon after, Minghao would wipe his tears hurriedly and mutter a shy thanks to Mingyu before leaving, and Mingyu would stay sat on the bleachers for a few more minutes just letting everything sink in.

2 —

“C’mon, Shua hyung, what are we waiting for?” Mingyu asked the older as they stopped in the hallway while Joshua was making a call. 

“Hold on, Gyu. Myungho seems to be down. I’m just gonna check on him.” Joshua explained. That was enough to get Mingyu to forget the rumbling in his stomach. The hunger he’s been enduring is quickly replaced by worry as Joshua called Minghao.

They’re in college now, and by some coincidence, Minghao and Mingyu ended up in the same circle of friends. Mingyu was taking a degree in Architecture, and Minghao in Fine Arts. For the first few weeks, their paths did not cross even once, but Mingyu’s roommate, Jeonghan, happened to be Minghao’s roommate’s boyfriend. The circles merged pretty easily from then on.

It should be easy for Mingyu and Minghao to be closer now, coming from the same high school and somehow ending up in the same circle of friends twice. Yet that didn’t seem to be the case. After that one incident by the bleachers, Minghao and Mingyu went back to their original routines. Joshua was the one well aware when Minghao was having a hard time. Most times, Minghao was with Jun, and Mingyu would tell himself that the reason they clicked easily was because they were both international students from China (Mingyu didn’t want to admit Jun just gets Minghao with ease). Sometimes it’d be Soonyoung who would let them in on what Minghao was up to, little gossip shared from after dance practice. Other times, Jeonghan even knew more about Minghao than Mingyu, from all the time the former spent hanging out at Minghao’s dorm because of Joshua. Sometimes, and Mingyu didn’t know why he developed the habit of noticing and checking, Mingyu saw more of Minghao in Wonwoo’s photography Instagram account, and this one he had a hard time making peace with. 

It was hard not to get jealous at how easy it seemed to be for everyone else. Mingyu didn’t know what name to put to this feeling, though, refusing to acknowledge the envy. Maybe it came from being a well-liked extrovert. Mingyu’s classmates liked him and quickly chose him for groupworks. His old teammates from high school missed him and his new teammates in college easily warmed up to him. It was easy for him to find his place in his extracurricular organizations. I’ve known you for years, why is it so hard to get closer to you, Seo Myungho?

Yeah. That’s all it was, Mingyu convinced himself. I just want him to be my friend, not just a friend in my circle.

“Hm… alright. I won’t pry. Cheer up, though, okay? There’s xiaolongbao today for lunch, so hurry, okay?” Mingyu heard Joshua saying over the phone before bidding his farewell and ending the call.

“What happened to Myungho?” Mingyu tried very, very hard to hide the concern in his voice.

“Just a bad day in class, I guess. He doesn’t wanna talk about it, and I respect that,” Joshua said and shrugged.

Mingyu wondered if that’s why he and Minghao never got too close to each other, even if the opportunity technically was always there. Everyone who has gotten close to Minghao had a special skill in common– and it was always knowing when to stop. Joshua always knew when to keep quiet when he entered the dorm and saw Minghao in a focused stance. Jeonghan would tease Minghao endlessly about the little words he mispronounced but also knew exactly when to stop and help him instead. Wonwoo and Minghao blended well together, immediately having a mutual understanding of each other’s boundaries without anything being said. Jun knew when to be silly with Minghao and also when to be quiet and be the one person Minghao could vent to without having to worry if he was saying the right words. Even Soonyoung, who was hyper as a friend and strict as a dance leader, knew when to stop bugging Minghao and when to stop disciplining him when it has been a long day. They have always known when to stop pushing.

Mingyu knew to himself he had yet to master that skill, so he didn't try getting close at all. Mingyu knew if he started he might not be able to stop.

Joshua and Mingyu lined up for food at the cafeteria, filled up their own trays, and stopped at where the xiaolongbao were. Mingyu’s plates were already full, and he wasn’t exactly craving xiaolongbao, but he assumed Joshua might get some. “You’re not gonna get any, hyung?”

Joshua shook his head. “Not really feeling it. Just checked if there were still enough for Myungho to have some when he gets here, or if I should take some for him now. There’s still a lot, so I won’t yet. I don’t want it to get cold before he arrives.” 

Mingyu nodded and they walked to a vacant table with their trays. The mismatch on their schedules meant that Mingyu’s and Joshua’s classes let them have earlier lunch breaks, then Jeonghan, Jun, Soonyoung, Minghao, and Wonwoo followed after.

From the peripheral of his view, Mingyu noticed the rest of his friends entering the cafeteria and lining up for their food. Soonyoung had an arm around Minghao and was subtly rubbing his shoulders as well in comfort, while Minghao was trying to keep up with their conversations while faking a smile.

As they took their food, Minghao reached the end of the counter, where Mingyu knew the xiaolongbao was supposed to be. Mingyu couldn’t help but watch and observe, desperate to see it for himself when the Chinese dish would brighten up Minghao’s face.

That’s not what he saw, though.

The light in Minghao’s face drained further, and he seemed to be trying to tell the cafeteria lady, who was apologizing to him, that it was okay. He started walking to their table with his tray filled with different food, but no xiaolongbao.

Xiaolongbao Thursdays was the one thing keeping Minghao’s homesickness at bay in his dreadful college days , Mingyu knew this much. “I wouldn’t call them the best, but they’re close enough. If I close my eyes, I can fool myself into thinking I’m back in my auntie’s kitchen,” Minghao had told them once, and ever since then Mingyu indulged in the sight of Minghao sealing his eyes shut at the first bite of his xiaolongbao every Thursday.

The guilt on Joshua’s face was difficult to ignore as he saw Minghao place his tray down on their table. “Oh my god, Myungho, I am so sorry. I was gonna get some for you, but I didn’t want them to get cold. There were still a lot earlier, and usually they didn’t run out quickly. I am so, so sorry–”

“Shua hyung, it’s okay.” Minghao told Joshua as he sat across from Mingyu. “Don’t worry about it at all.”

The others put their tray down as well, and Soonyoung tried lightening up the mood and making some jokes. Everyone could tell it was a tough day for Minghao, and the one thing that could cheer him up ran out. 

Days like these were rare. Minghao was patient– sure, he gets exhausted, homesick, down. He’s only human after all. 

But Minghao was always composed. Always patient. Always positive. Always putting off his breakdowns until he was alone and no one could see his weaknesses.

So when Minghao was pushing the food on his plate aimlessly and not making a sound, no one really knew what to do. No one knew either what was the root of all these, but knew as much that asking would not be the right thing to do at that moment. Minghao did not like being perceived when he was having a hard time, they all knew that much, but it was pretty difficult for Mingyu to ignore when Minghao was right in front of him.

He could see the way Minghao couldn’t help but pout. The way his eyes seemed to be watering, and he was merely holding back his tears. Mingyu saw it too when some of Minghao’s tears couldn’t help but fall from his eyes, and Mingyu was doing everything not to wipe the tears himself. The napkins on their table were on the opposite end from Minghao, so he couldn’t get any without his other friends realizing he was crying. Minghao was very obviously trying to keep it to himself that he was having a hard time holding back his tears, and Mingyu so badly wanted not to ruin that for him. 

Look at your friends, Mingyu. Mingyu thought to himself. They know when not to ask. They know when to stop pushing.

But Mingyu has yet to master that skill.

He looked around the plates of their friends and noticed only he and Minghao took spicy peanut noodles from the menu that day. Mingyu took one big bite of the dish and made a scene of the spice affecting him. “Wow, that’s spicy! Did any of you get the noodles, too? It’s so spicy today, Oh my God–” Mingyu rambled as he took a glass of water and drank it hurriedly.

All of his friends were looking at him weirdly while Mingyu made a scene over noodles that were called spicy but were really just mild at best. Even students from the nearby tables looked at Mingyu confusedly. “Oh, napkins please! Give me a lot, I’m gonna cry,” Mingyu started saying dramatically as Jeonghan started laughing while handing him heaps of tissue papers.

“Oh my god, Myungho, you had some of the noodles too? It’s so spicy, right? Oh, I’m tearing up, here have some tissue,” Mingyu said as he handed some napkins to Minghao.

Mingyu might have just imagined it, but Minghao flashed him a grateful smile as Minghao tried to act in parallel with Mingyu’s dramaticness while wiping away their tears. Their friends just laughed at the two of them as they made a fuss over the spicy peanut noodles and how it was different that day. Jun was going to try and get a taste from Mingyu’s noodles out of curiosity if it was really that bad, but Mingyu hurriedly grabbed the bowl and finished it himself. “No, no! It’s spicy, but I like the burn. You can’t have any!”

Minghao giggled as he also finished his own noodles, albeit slowly compared to Mingyu, as if catching Mingyu’s drift on their little secret. Jun only pouted and called Mingyu selfish before letting it go. 

As the laughs and the teasing from the scene Mingyu caused died down, he noticed Minghao looking up at him and mouthing at him a quick “Thank you.”

Mingyu feigned confusion, “For what?” he mouthed back, to which Minghao rolled his eyes as he wiped his tears freely.

3 —

Mingyu was walking home to his dorm after his night classes, and to him it felt like he was merely dragging his feet. Still, he was eager to count his blessings. In the big, big campus of Seoul National University, Mingyu was lucky to have a dorm building not too far from his last class. Other students still needed to take a bus to get to their dorms.

Minghao being one of those.

From afar, Mingyu could see Minghao staring at empty space while waiting by the bus stop. It was late at night at that point and every student still walking on campus was obviously out of it already, so Mingyu did not pay it too much attention. The bus that went the direction of Minghao’s dorm arrived before Mingyu could get even close enough to Minghao to say hi, and assuming Minghao would’ve taken that ride already to head home, Mingyu mourned the chance to greet him.

But Mingyu was both confused and pleasantly surprised as the bus drove away and Minghao was still by the bus stop.

Mingyu jogged a little to reach the bus stop more quickly and sat next to Minghao. He bumped his shoulders with Minghao’s in an attempt to get him out of his trance. “Your bus just left, you know that, right?”

“What? Oh…” Minghao said softly, then rubbed his eyes. “Sorry, yeah I know. I just didn’t feel like getting up yet.”

“You okay?” Mingyu asked, which was only answered by Minghao’s deep, deep sigh.

“Just a bad day, nothing I can’t move on from.” Minghao said emptily.

“Wanna tell me about it?” Mingyu offered. There was hope in his voice, and he wished Minghao didn’t notice.

Minghao stared at Mingyu for a few seconds after that, as if discerning if he was worthy of the penny for his thoughts. I guess Mingyu’s efforts to style his hair a little more presentable that day paid off, because Minghao eventually shrugged his shoulders and started talking while looking down and playing with his fingers.

“You’ve seen me cry twice already over the smallest, silliest things, why the hell not…” Minghao muttered, before taking a deep breath. “I just wonder sometimes if any of my sacrifices are worth it. I know I’m being silly, but I feel so, so small.”

Mingyu looked at Minghao and couldn't help both the fondness and protectiveness that swelled in his chest. If this were any other friend, Mingyu wouldn’t be able to contain all the empathy he had for them and would immediately pull them into a hug to shower them with words of comfort. He would ramble and say sweet everythings if it meant an attempt to drown out whatever negative voices filled up his friends’ heads.

But this was Minghao. Mingyu was still figuring out when to stop pushing.

So, Mingyu took Minghao’s right hand to stop him from fidgeting, and Mingyu started drawing circles with his fingers at Minghao’s palms. “You wanna vent a little more, or am I allowed to comfort you?”

“I just… I come so far, and I endure so much, and I’m not even anyone memorable. My professors don’t know my name. The times I do think my professors might remember me is when I’m worried they think of me for being bad at my craft, or when they misinterpreted an answer or a behavior of mine and I have no chance to show them I’m better. I swear I am better than what I’ve been showing. I came from China and stayed with my uncle here in Korea ever since I was so young in hopes there’s bigger things for me here, but what if I’ll never be big enough to be worthy of them, y’know? I’m so small and forgettable, and everyone here is so brilliant. I work so, so hard, but there’s nothing worth remembering about me in a good light.” Minghao rambled quickly. 

“Today was such a tough, tough day. I was submitting plates I didn’t even think reflected my true skills, but what could I do? I was running against time. It’s deadline after deadline and I’m so, so tired, and they don’t even know my name. I pour my heart into something and to them it’s just another low-grade, unremarkable drawing of an overambitious student who’ll never make it far.” Minghao added, voice getting softer and softer by every passing word.

“Is someone making you feel this way?” Mingyu couldn’t help the overprotectiveness evident in his voice. 

“No! No…” Minghao answered right away. “Just… a bad grade, after a bad grade, after a bad grade… God, you probably think I’m stupid. I get upset over the dumbest things.”

“Hey, no, I don’t think that…” Mingyu told him right away. “You tolerate a lot of things. I don’t judge you for whatever your last straws might be.”

Minghao squinted his eyes at Mingyu, which made the latter overly conscious of himself all of a sudden.

“You know in every low point of mine, there’s you.”

Mingyu felt the time pause for a few seconds after hearing Minghao’s comment. There’s a tug at his heartstrings he can’t ignore. Among their circle, he and Minghao were never the closest, but Mingyu was always determined to change that.

Maybe this was his chance. 

“You must be bad luck to me or something. Or maybe it’s some voodoo shit and you’re coming to see if it’s working,” 

Well, maybe not.

Mingyu looked at Minghao, shocked, “Why would you think that of me!” He said exaggeratedly. “Wait, do you actually mean that? Do you believe that?”

Minghao started laughing at Mingyu’s antics. “I’m just saying! I rarely break down, and I most definitely rarely do it in front of people! The fact that you’re somehow always there when I’m at my breaking point… it’s starting to feel a bit intentional…”

“Can’t it just be the universe sending you a friend in your times of need!” Mingyu said, still feigning offense just to get a few more giggles out of Minghao.

Minghao tilted his head at Mingyu, “Since when were we friends, Kim Mingyu?” He asked with a very obvious playfulness in his tone. 

While Mingyu was still figuring out when to stop pushing, Minghao knew exactly what buttons to push when it came to Mingyu. 

“We’ve been in the same circle of friends since high school, mind you! Only you and I ended up in SNU from our high school friends. I’ve known you longer than our college friends. I can’t believe you never thought we were friends— even worse, you think I’m some bad omen to you!” Mingyu goes on with the theatrics. A part of him is exaggerating for the giggles of the man in front of him, but there’s a part of him that’s deadly curious too. Did Minghao actually, genuinely think we weren’t friends?

Minghao shrugged. “I never wanted to assume. You’ve always seemed too cool to be my friend.” 

Mingyu could not help the blush that creeped on his cheeks.

“Plus, maybe you just want me to be your friend because everyone else is your friend. Maybe you just want me to like you because everyone else does,” Minghao added. 

Mingyu could not help the guilt that settled in his gut.

That’s the exact lie Mingyu would tell himself about why he so badly wanted to get closer to Minghao. Minghao saw right through him, but why did Mingyu feel like he was being misperceived anyway? Why, on this random night at a bus stop, did Mingyu suddenly so bravely want to be honest to himself?

“Myungho, I didn’t see you as a challenge. I didn’t think of you as a dent to my seemingly perfect record.” Mingyu began to clarify. “I didn’t want you to be just like everyone else, I wanted everyone else to be you. There’s a difference.”

Mingyu realized he lied to himself because if he was honest, his heart would spill out like it did then, but it was better than the alternative of Minghao thinking Mingyu’s longing for a closer bond with him was rather shallow.

Minghao’s ears reddened at Mingyu’s reply. “My friendship isn’t that special—”

“It is, though.” Mingyu said. “I’ve spent years watching you be a good friend to all our friends. When it’s a horrible day for Joshua, the next day he’s telling me how he’s all better because you got him his favorite ice cream and organized a mini movie marathon to cheer him up. Jeonghan would sometimes talk about how you’re the person he loves asking advice from because you’re so wise, and he wonders how even wiser you probably are in a language where you’re not second guessing yourself. Wonwoo recharges when he’s with you. Soonyoung can’t bear a day without doting on you. Jun tells me how you’re his piece of home in this hellhole. It’s hard not to want that for myself.”

Minghao looked at Mingyu, speechless.

“I know it must’ve been hard to make all your sacrifices, but they’re not worthless. You’re a beacon of light to all of us, and we look up to you more than you know. I know my words may feel empty, but you’re brilliant, Myungho. You’re always giving everything your all. You’re gonna make it far, there’s no world where someone like you doesn’t.” Mingyu said genuinely.

When Mingyu starts, he doesn’t know when to stop. He doesn’t think he can.

Minghao smiled softly back at Mingyu. “I’m gonna get everything I want in time?”

Mingyu paused in realization. That’s the soft chant Mingyu repeatedly muttered to Minghao when he was comforting him by the bleachers. Suddenly, Mingyu remembered something very important.

Mingyu hurriedly checked his phone to check for the time— 10:01 PM, November 6

“I’ll get something really quick, Myungho! Wait for me here!” Mingyu said as he stood up and ran to his dorm across the bus stop. He ran up the stairs to the third floor, too impatient to wait for the elevator, and frantically unlocked his dorm room to grab the small box on his desk and the paperbag from the refrigerator. He ignored Jeonghan’s “Hey, what time is it! Why did you get home so late! Why are you leaving again!” as he ran back down and across the street to the bus stop.

Minghao looked back at him confused.

“It’s two hours early… but you brought up what I told you back in the bleachers… and so I think the timing’s right anyway,” Mingyu said slowly, still catching his breath. “And… at least… I’ll be the first one to greet you…”

Mingyu stood up upright after finally gaining composure again and handed Minghao the box and the paper bag. “Happy, happy birthday, Myungho.”

Minghao’s face lit up in surprise. “You remembered,” he said in a daze as he took in his hands what Mingyu was handing out. Mingyu sat beside him again with a wide smile.

“I’ve known you for years. Your birthday is encircled in every calendar of mine.” Mingyu said.

Minghao opened the paper bag first, and Mingyu wondered if it was his mind playing tricks on him, but he could almost see Minghao tearing up. “Xiaolongbao? From where? Oh my god… Mingyu, thank you so much…”

Mingyu scratched the back of his head sheepishly. “I actually… made it myself. I let Jun hyung try some earlier and he said I could open up a Chinese restaurant now, but he might just be nice, so I apologize in advance if it doesn’t taste like home. You should heat it up when you get to your dorm– I kept it cold so it wouldn’t go bad. I’ll keep trying to learn—”

Mingyu is interrupted from his rambling with a tight, tight hug from Minghao. “Thank you! Thank you so much Mingyu!”

Mingyu basked in the warmth and hugged Minghao back just as tightly. “You should check the other gift,” He added with a giggle.

Mingyu wished he didn’t say that because Minghao detached himself from the hug to unwrap the gift, only to be surprised with a box. A blind box.

“Oh my god.” Minghao muttered. 

“I told you you’ll get everything you want in time,” Mingyu said softly. “Happy birthday, Seo Myungho.”

Minghao giggled and hurriedly tried to open the blind box. “I hope I get the little frog figurine,” He mentioned softly.

He closed his eyes shut like a child as he reached in the box and ripped the packaging to pull out whatever figurine he got. If Mingyu could choose a moment to put on pause and relive again and again and again— it was that very second. Mingyu, watching it all unfold with utmost fondness, started giggling at the sight of whatever Minghao pulled. The latter slowly opened his eyes, and his whole face lit up in excitement.

A frog figurine.

“I’m not so bad luck now, aren’t I, birthday boy?”  

4 —

It became pretty easy for Minghao and Mingyu to grow closer the following months. They found a rhythm and enough common ground, as well as endless hangout initiatives from both Jeonghan and Joshua. The couple didn’t do it maliciously, but it worked in their favor when Minghao would allow Mingyu to sleep over so Joshua could sleep over at Jeonghan’s. Minghao would work on his paintings, and Mingyu on his architectural plates. Minghao would teach Mingyu more and more of how to cook Chinese cuisine. For Mingyu, it was easy to fall into a habit of looking for Minghao and always wanting to do things with him.

Mingyu felt like he was on cloud nine, until that one afternoon he spent hanging out with Jun on February 13.

Jun was asking for help from Mingyu in buying Wonwoo a gift for Valentine's Day. Mingyu teased Jun about it, but Jun just blushed and said that he bought gifts for everyone. Jun would do this every year— he would get everyone in their friend group a gift, but everyone always got a generic gift while Wonwoo got a niche gift from Jun that was obviously filled with thought. This year, Jun was asking for help looking for good film rolls for Wonwoo.

Mingyu didn’t mind helping Jun— he liked helping Jun, until Jun made a certain comment while they were on the bus back to the dorms.

“Y’know who I’m excited for tomorrow? My Haohao!” Jun said. Mingyu looked at him curiously at that comment.

“Why? Is Myungho taken?” Mingyu asked, trying to keep his voice as nonchalant as possible.

“Well, no, but he might be soon! Because I’m the bestest friend he could ever ask for!” Jun said gleefully.

“What do you mean, hyung?” Mingyu kept prying.

“Well, I set him up on a date! I helped him move his new furniture into his dorm last month, and he told me he owed me one, so I told him to go on a date I set up!” Jun explained. “Our pretty friend has a line of guys sending me DMs desperate for a chance. I’d make a pretty good Cupid, no?”

Fuck. That was the time Minghao asked Mingyu if he was free to help, but Mingyu had a basketball match. I should have bailed on the game and helped Minghao instead, so he wouldn’t have to go on thi— Mingyu paused his thoughts. What am I thinking?

Mingyu had enough energy to hide how bothered ( Why was he even bothered? ) he was until they reached the dorms and he parted ways with Jun. As soon as he entered his dorm room, he plopped down on his bed, trying to dismiss whatever he’s feeling as exhaustion.

“I would assume you heard about Myungho’s little date this 14th?” Jeonghan teased Mingyu.

“You know that too?!” Mingyu reacted right away, then immediately composed himself once he saw Jeonghan’s amused expression at Mingyu’s reaction. “I mean, I don’t care, but how come everyone knows about this but not me? I thought we were getting close.”

“I only knew because Joshua took Minghao shopping yesterday to get him something to wear.” Jeonghan said. “I’m pretty excited. It’s been a while since Minghao had a date on Valentines, y’know?”

Mingyu was about to respond when Jeonghan interrupted him right away. “I mean, for sure you know. You’ve known him longer than us.”

Mingyu knew what Jeonghan was trying to say. It was a clear reminder— You have known him for several Valentines and have never once asked him, Mingyu. 

Mingyu stood up and started busying himself in the kitchen, to which Jeonghan laughed, familiar with his antics. “What are you making me today, Mingyu? You should get your heart broken more frequently—”

“My heart is not broken, hyung! And whatever I’m making is not for you!” Mingyu sulked.

By the end of the night, there were enough side dishes in their fridge to last them a month. The following day — the 14th — Mingyu was in even more desperate need of a distraction, and so as soon as his classes ended, he decided to take a trick from Jun’s playbook.

“Aw, you’re baking cookies, Mingyu?” Jeonghan cooed as he saw what Mingyu was mixing. Mingyu tried mixing the batter more quickly so he could leave Yoon Jeonghan in their room, start setting up the trays in the communal kitchen of the dorm, and use its oven. “My standards are pretty high for cookies because of Shua, but I’ll eat whatever you make out of gratitude!”

“If you don’t like them, it’s okay, hyung.” Mingyu clarified. “I’m making cookies for all our friends, so more for them, I guess.”

Jeonghan giggled at that comment. “You hung out for too long with Jun yesterday.” 

Mingyu blushed at that comment. No point denying it.

He finished baking the cookies at night time, packaged them prettily in boxes, and started delivering them to each of his friends’ dorms. He left a box at Jeonghan’s nightstand, who was out on a date with Joshua. He brought one to Soonyoung, who brightened up and gave him cheek kisses in gratitude. He came over to Wonwoo’s dorm, where Jun opened the door for him. Mingyu didn’t miss the blush that tinted Jun’s cheeks and the obvious giddiness from Wonwoo as he brought out his film camera, with newly refilled film rolls, to take a picture of Mingyu and his cookies. Mingyu gave them two boxes of cookies. At least I don’t have to make a detour to Jun hyung’s dorm, I guess. He thought to himself.

Mingyu was walking to Minghao’s dorms while bracing himself for the possibility that Minghao might still be on his date. I’ll just leave it to the guard then, Mingyu resolved to himself.

On the way to Minghao’s dorm, Mingyu sat by a bus stop and pulled out a pen and a small notepad from his pocket. He sat there for ten minutes just figuring out what to write on the note for Minghao. Happy Valentines Day, Myungho :) Happy Hearts Day, Myungho <3 happy vday my friends -gyu 

Mingyu was so busy scrapping paper from his notepad and writing and rewriting. He didn’t even notice when a bus stopped in front of him. He didn’t even notice the man that took a seat right beside him.

“Who are you writing love letters to?” An all too familiar voice asked.

Mingyu immediately looked up in shock at Minghao beside him. “O-oh! Myungho! Sorry, I didn’t even notice.”

Minghao just gave him a smile in return. “So, who’s your lucky valentine that has you so busy writing a love letter!”

Mingyu only rolled his eyes. “It’s not a love letter, I was just writing a note for your cookies. I was gonna leave it with the guard just in case you were still out on your, uhm, date.”

Minghao’s expression changed for a split second, but he immediately covered it up. “Aw, did you make cookies for everyone? That’s so sweet of you!”

“Yeah, but don’t tell our friends about the matcha cookies in your box,” Mingyu said sheepishly. “They all got regular chocolate chip cookies, but I figure you might enjoy something a bit more special.”

“Oh, Mingyu, this means so much to me!” Minghao said cheerfully. “This just made my night, thank you so much!”

Mingyu is tempted to push. to sulk. to make a joke he shouldn’t.

He does, anyway.

“Made your night? More than your little date?” Mingyu tried to seal off the jealousy in his tone with playfulness. 

The expression Minghao held back earlier was on full display now— sheer exhaustion and disappointment. Mingyu almost felt bad for causing it, but then Minghao pouted in a way that made Mingyu melt, and so he couldn’t say he felt too bad.

It was a confusing paradox for Mingyu who was tempted to indulge in his selfishness. He was sorry for rubbing salt on a wound that, deep down, he was glad existed. It’s selfish, but Mingyu was relieved the date didn’t turn out well.

“I’m sorry… sore topic?” Mingyu asked courteously.

Minghao shrugged. “It’s fine. I just vowed to myself not to show my weak side to you again, yet here we are in a bus stop again and I’m all sad.” Minghao pouted even more.

“Why would you vow such a thing to yourself? I don’t think you’re weak at all.” Mingyu said before he could even think about it. “I know you don’t need it, but I like being there for you.”

Minghao was looking at Mingyu, endearment evident in his eyes. It was written all over his face. Minghao was always good at hiding what he felt, but the past few weeks with Mingyu, he had been wearing his heart on his sleeve. Mingyu wore the realization like a badge of honor.

“Next time you feel awful, tell me about it right away. I have a really nice hideout on campus. It’s hidden, you can scream, and you don’t have to worry about other people. But don’t take it the wrong way, I don’t mind comforting you wherever. By the bleachers, in the cafeteria, in a bus stop. I would’ve even gone to you earlier with one message that the date went badly.” Mingyu started rambling, trying to cover up his nerves, only to make it worse. Every sentence after another felt like a confession if you squinted enough. 

Minghao sighed. “It’s not like it went badly… he was really sweet! I just didn’t feel like it. Maybe I’m not fit for dating yet… My social battery was drained right away, then I started feeling guilty for being an asshole. What if he didn’t enjoy his time because I wasn’t at my 100%?”

“If he was with you, then it’s impossible he didn’t enjoy his time.” Mingyu blurted out right away. Every sentence was a confession if you squinted enough.

“You’re just saying that because you’re my friend.” Minghao said, rolling his eyes. Mingyu didn’t miss the small smile that adorned his lips right after and the slight blush on the tip of his ears. It made Mingyu want to keep saying sweet things if it resulted in that sight. “I know it’s just a date that I didn’t even want to be on, but I just feel bad when I don’t do well. I’ve been worrying the whole ride back about what if this was a Valentine's date he wants to forget.”

Mingyu couldn’t help but laugh at Minghao. “Myungho, this isn’t a presentation you have to do well for. You don’t have to constantly put up an act. It’s already a privilege just to have you nearby.”

Minghao just sighed at that comment. “I just wish I was as good with people as you.”

Mingyu blushed at that compliment, but he quickly focused back on the conversation. He couldn’t let Minghao keep feeling bad about something he shouldn’t need to change.

“You are good with people, Myungho.” Mingyu affirmed him. “Look at all the good people around you. Look at all the people that wanna get closer to you. I promise you, there’s nothing you have to change!”

“But it takes forever for me to warm up to people and I just wish I’m not so awkward. I just wish I didn’t make it so difficult—”

“I think you should make it even more difficult.” Mingyu interrupted Minghao. “Think of how long it took for me to get closer to you! It’ll be so unfair if you made it easy for everyone else now.” Mingyu said jokingly with a pout.

Minghao gasped in return and pointed at Mingyu. “See! You do find me difficult!” 

Mingyu just laughed. “I like that you’re difficult. I like that it takes a lot to get close to you. I like spending every second of every day figuring you out. I don’t mind it at all if it means I get to see more and more sides of you.” Mingyu told Minghao.

“Any guy who’s lucky enough to get a date with you should be willing to go through all that and more.” Mingyu added. 

Mingyu would look back on this conversation and think of every sentence he said that sounded like a confession. Every sentence that was drenched with all the longing and desire he’s not even brave enough to put a name on. At the same time, he knew that Minghao could read between the lines, but he would always choose not to. It didn’t matter if Mingyu was wrapping his heart in every metaphor possible and handing it for Minghao to pull apart. Minghao would dismiss it all.

It wasn’t that Minghao chose to act blindly, but there was a lot of hesitation when it came to dissecting the nuances of a language. Minghao was careful— he always left room for doubt. He left room for the possibility that he could read metaphors and allegories wrong. Eventually, this reflected on his principles. Confessions, he believed, were meant to be an act of bravery. It was an act of laying your heart bare— straight to the point, vulnerable, direct, and constant in every language and in every translation. No room for doubt, no room for misinterpretation. 

Minghao smirked playfully at Mingyu. “So the guy I should date should be like you?”

There it was, an opportunity to be direct. No room for doubt, no room for misinterpretation. 

Mingyu is so overwhelmed by the sudden gravity of this moment that he did what he does best— lighten it up with a joke.  “You can’t just ask me out like that, Seo Myungho. Go to the back of the line.”

Minghao only giggled at that response. Mingyu, when looking back on this conversation, would spend an hour staring at the ceiling wondering if he should have said something different.

“Myungho, I—” 

“You should call me Minghao,” the younger one interrupted Mingyu mid-sentence.

Mingyu stared back at Minghao with shocked eyes. He forgot every worry, every thought previously creeping at the back of his mind about saying the wrong thing. At that point, he only wanted to say one thing right. “ Minghao ,”

Minghao giggled at Mingyu’s pronunciation, and Mingyu wanted to record the sound and play it on repeat. It’s the prettiest sound to ever leave anyone’s lips. The realization hit Mingyu like the thought was always there. He really, really wants to kiss Minghao. Mid-giggling. Smiling while kissing. Heaven on Earth.

“Xú Mínghào,” Minghao corrected Mingyu’s pronunciation, and Mingyu focused back on reality. He was earnest. Eager to do it right. Eager to call Minghao in a way that felt like home. Mingyu messed up the pronunciation a few more times on purpose, just to get a few more giggles from Minghao and a couple more chances to watch Minghao’s lips as he enunciated every syllable.

“What’s with the change, Minghao ?” Mingyu asked once he finally got it right.

“Well, the guy Jun hyung set me up with was one of his other Chinese friends, and even if I didn’t really want to go on a date, I was still kinda excited for it,” Minghao said. Mingyu can’t fight the jealousy stirring at the pit of his stomach, but he knows there’s a but approaching Minghao’s sentences. It’s enough comfort to him.

“ But , it just didn’t feel right. I thought it’d be nice, y’know? Meeting with someone Chinese, hearing myself be Minghao again and not Myungho, but I didn’t really feel anything about it. It didn’t feel like home at all.” Minghao stated. 

Mingyu couldn’t help but feel guilty. He never realized how difficult that must have been– to grow up being called a name that is only similar but never quite yours. Like wearing a glove that never fits snug in the places you need warmth most. Mingyu found himself wishing he had learnt how to say Minghao’s name much earlier on. He nodded in understanding towards Minghao, then tilted his head in curiosity. “Well how do you like the way I say it, Minghao ?”

Minghao giggled again. Yeah, Mingyu definitely wished he did this earlier. “I love it. Feels like home to me.”

It’s the perfect set of words to end the day of love, but Mingyu realized then that he’s too greedy for this. There’s nothing he wouldn't give to alter the third word in that sentence, especially once he realized how good love sounds rolling off of Minghao’s tongue.

5 —

From: Minghao : )

Let’s get dinner!!!!!! My treat <3

It’s enough of a message to uplift Mingyu’s moods. 

It was a long day for him, with back-to-back classes and basketball training right after. Minghao was also nowhere to be found the whole day, which just made it even more dragging. Joshua said Minghao had been really busy but also really adamant on keeping to himself about it, and so Mingyu respected that, even if it wasn’t exactly easy. Mingyu spent whatever little free time he had opening up his chat with Minghao, fingers hovering over the keyboard, holding back the urge to message.

Turns out Mingyu didn’t have to. 

He hurriedly replied to Minghao’s message to seal their plans. Mingyu started getting ready, and even then he couldn’t help the small smile tugging at his lips. Jeonghan, observant as ever, noticed it too.

“You seem to be in a good mood…” Jeonghan pondered as Mingyu looked through his dresser for what perfume to use. After choosing, he heard Jeonghan snicker right away. “And you’re using your only-for-special-occasion-perfume too! Kim Mingyu, do you have a date?”

Mingyu only looked at Jeonghan, confused. “Are you not getting ready?”

Jeonghan shook his head in disagreement and confusion. “No? Shua’s busy. No date night for me.”

Very slowly, it clicked in Mingyu’s head. Minghao only invited him. Not their whole friend group. Only him.

“So… who’s the lucky guy…” Jeonghan started prying, to which Mingyu only rolled his eyes.

“It’s not a date, hyung,” Mingyu decided to leave it at that. “I’m just gonna get some food.”

Jeonghan only hummed in response, obviously not believing Mingyu. He stopped pushing Mingyu for information after that, and as Mingyu was heading out the door, Jeonghan bid him a very gleeful “Say hi to Myungho for me!”

Of course Jeonghan would know. There’s no one else Mingyu gave the time of day to, only Minghao.

Mingyu arrived first at the restaurant they agreed on, which was located just by the outskirts of their campus. Soon enough, Minghao walked through the door. Mingyu brightened up and was going to greet him, but he was left speechless at the sight approaching him. Minghao was wearing a sleeveless white shirt and loose denim pants, and he made it seem like it was the most fashionable pair to wear. There were paint splatters across Minghao’s bare arms, some stained on his white shirt, and some even tinting his cheeks. Lastly, Minghao also had a golden medal on, shining in the dim light of the restaurant. 

If Mingyu was being honest, though, it was Minghao’s wide and excited smile that rendered him speechless. Happiness shone a little brighter through him that night. 

“I won, Mingyu!” Minghao said as soon as he sat across from Mingyu. “Oh my god, I actually won!”

“Congratulations, Minghao! I’m so sorry I didn’t bring anything to congratulate you,” Mingyu said immediately, even if he had no idea what he was congratulating Minghao for. “I didn’t… exactly know that you were competing for something… I’m so, so sorry! You probably mentioned it, and I forgot, and—”

Minghao only started giggling at the anxiousness making Mingyu’s voice break. “Silly, I never told anyone I was joining anything. There was a competition in the Gallery of Fine Arts and I just wanted to give it a try. There’s like, a hundred other talented and cool people there! And I was scared I'd lose so I just kept it to myself…”

“There’s no world where you’d lose,” Mingyu said with a wide smile. “Did you tell everyone already? I’m sure even if you message them now they’ll go here in their pajamas to congratu—”

“I’ll tell them tomorrow, and we can all eat out together again to celebrate,” Minghao said, interrupting Mingyu. “I wanted to tell only you today.”

Mingyu was tempted to ask what Minghao meant by that, but before he even could, the waiter came to take their orders. Soon after they gave their orders and the waiter left, Minghao looked across the table at Mingyu with a wide smile of utmost joy, and Mingyu forgot everything previously in his mind.

They spent hours in that restaurant just talking and catching up, and only when the server mentioned that it was nearly closing time that Mingyu and Minghao hurriedly paid the bill and started the walk back to the dorms. Even then, they kept talking and rambling. It was just a few days of them not seeing each other as frequently as usual because of Minghao’s competition and Mingyu’s games, but they talked like they could never run out of things to talk about. Minghao carried himself with a grace and lightness that Mingyu could feel in every sentence the former said. There was always a giggle, a smile, a reaction that Minghao was more generous in giving that night than he normally would be. Mingyu could pull topics out of his ass for things to talk about if it meant a few more giggles leaving Minghao’s lips.

They opted to walk to the dorms instead of taking the bus to burn the calories from what they ate. If Mingyu were being truthful, he just liked the idea of taking longer getting home.

First, they arrived at Mingyu’s dorm since Minghao’s was farther down the road. “Well, this is you!” Minghao said, pointing at the building of Mingyu’s dorm then giggling. There it is again . “Thank you for tonight, Mingyu, I’ll—”

“Let me take you home first.” Mingyu blurted out before he could think about it, then he started walking towards the direction of Minghao’s dorms.

“Wait, wha— Mingyu, it’s okay I can manage! Just go inside already—” Minghao started insisting, but Mingyu just kept walking towards Minghao’s dorm. Minghao kept trying to convince him to go home, but he knew a stubborn Mingyu was impossible to stop. As soon as he realized no amount of convincing would make Mingyu go home, Minghao pouted and crossed his arms while walking alongside Mingyu. Yeah, he really can’t let this night end just yet.

Thankfully for Mingyu, the walk towards Minghao’s dorm really did take a while. The buses that would half their travel time passed by them multiple times, but neither of them suggested taking the bus, even if the calories from what they ate were probably long burnt. Mingyu also didn’t know why he held this night like it was sacred, trying to extend it as long as he possibly could. He would likely still see Minghao tomorrow at lunch. His friends would make stupid jokes and Minghao would still giggle and smile and laugh. Joshua would offer Mingyu and Jeonghan to eat at his and Minghao’s dorm, and they’d all do their requirements right after together. 

But still, Mingyu did not want to let that night slip away. That night, it was solely him who was making Minghao laugh. It was him Minghao ate dinner with. It was him walking Minghao home. 

It was him who Minghao decided to first say the good news to. Only him.

“Thanks for telling me, by the way.” Mingyu said. The building of Minghao’s dorm was within their view, and Mingyu was dragging his steps so painfully slowly. He couldn’t tell if Minghao sensed it as well, but Minghao was also matching Mingyu’s slow, slow pace. “Though just know I would’ve been proud of you regardless. Don’t be afraid of telling me this stuff. Whether you win or lose, it’s still a victory I’d celebrate with you all the same.”

“I know, I know… I guess I just wanted to make sure you also saw me as a winner.” Minghao said, then pouted even more. 

Mingyu laughed at that. “What? Are you worried I think you’re a loser?” Quite the opposite, actually.  

“I’m just thankful you don’t care if I’m a loser or not,” Minghao said. “Thank you. You were always there for me, y’know, even if you didn’t mean to be.”

Mingyu shrugged. “I’m just happy I got to be closer to you after all these years,” Mingyu said. “I guess I should thank that dog for taking away your blind box. Seems like such a pivotal moment for our friendship.”

Minghao laughed at the joke. “What do you mean, Gyu? That wasn’t the first time you helped me out. The first time was during our High School Prom.”

Mingyu looked at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Remember? I was all busy then— head of the designs for the event and also choreographing the batch dance. My boyfriend that time already asked me to be his prom date, but the week before prom, he broke up with me through text. Apparently, I didn’t have enough time for him. I was busy, though, so I guess he was right. I didn’t really mind the breakup,” Minghao said while shrugging. He was looking around as he recounted the events — looking at the trees, at the paveway, at the stars — everywhere but Mingyu.

“But after the whole venue was decorated, after every dance performance I choreographed was done, I was lonely. Sure, our friends danced with me, but it was still different.” Minghao said. “That’s really when the heartbreak hits, right? When all the rush died down and I finally had the time to feel things. I felt pathetic, too, because my ex already had someone new to dance with.”

“I’m sorry, Hao. I didn’t even know.” Mingyu said softly.

“But you still cheered me up. You invited each of our friends to dance with you one by one, and then you asked me. Coincidentally enough, it was the last song, and I got to have the last dance with you.” Minghao said brightly as he reminisced, finally looking back at Mingyu.

Mingyu chuckled at the memory. “I can’t believe you remember that.”

“Of course I did! It probably was just a friendly gesture to you, but it made my night. So what if my ex dumped me? Who else gets to say they got to be the Prom King’s last dance? Only me.”

Mingyu tilted his head as he looked at Minghao’s fond retelling of the story. “Don’t give me too much credit, Hao. I didn’t even know you and your ex were over already that time. You guys were never too showy as a couple in the first place.”

Minghao raised his eyebrows at that comment with a slight smirk. They had arrived in front of the building of Minghao’s dorm, but instead of saying goodbye, Minghao bantered a little bit more as they both stood by the gate. “So if I did still have a boyfriend you would’ve taken my last dance from him?” Minghao challenged Mingyu.

Mingyu laughed at that. “The fact that it happened to be the last dance made it even more special, made me make sure I wouldn’t let you slip away. I was Prom King, right? And I thought maybe I deserved to be greedy that night. I didn’t even care much for dancing with each of our friends, I just sort of needed an excuse to ask you to dance with me without it being weird,” he said, not knowing where the courage came from. 

“You really took my breath away that night. I wasn’t gonna let the night end without getting to dance with you,” Mingyu said earnestly, every word evident with longing. 

Minghao could ask what Mingyu meant by that and Mingyu would lay it all out for him.

I like you, Minghao. Mingyu would not get tongue tied. I have liked you for a long, long time. All Minghao had to do was ask.

Instead, Minghao took off his medal, put it on Mingyu, and smiled in a way that cleared all of Mingyu’s thoughts. Minghao didn’t ask, but it seemed like an answer enough. 

Mingyu had half a wit to pull out a joke amidst the rapid sound of his heart beating. “You owe me so many medals, including those from when we were in high school.”

Minghao laughed. “You really did see me through so many phases of mine, huh? How come it took this long for us to be this close?”

“I don’t know with you!” Mingyu accused playfully, but I was always right here waiting. 

The words died on his tongue before he could even say it. 

Minghao giggled at his response and bid Mingyu goodbye. Mingyu didn’t leave yet, still watching and making sure Minghao got inside safely. There was little to none that could have harmed Minghao on his way from the gate to the doors of the building, but Mingyu wanted to make sure before he started walking back home.

There’s a weight around Mingyu’s neck from the medal and a weight on his heart from everything happening. He was so close to Minghao, and whatever bravery he had moments prior was replaced by this adamant voice reprimanding him for his greed. You need to know when to stop pushing. The voice reprimanded. You can't lose him now.

+1 —

Everything was happening way too fast.

It was Mingyu’s last collegiate basketball game, and it was a big interschool competition between his university and its rival university. The arena where the game was commencing was filled with people— every seat taken by either a student or an alumni of either university. 

Mingyu thrived in this, though. He did so for all four years of his college career, and this was going to be his last shot at that adrenaline. All his friends, despite the busyness of preparing for their finals, made time to watch the game. Still bombarded with multiple exams in a few days, Wonwoo even brought with him some of his readings so he could read when the game got boring , but the game never got boring. Everyone was on the edge of their seats the whole time, with the points being so close. The difference between the two team’s points always only differed by a point or two. Even the free throws made a big difference in the game.

It was nearly the end of the third quarter, and Mingyu was starting to get desperate. His team was ahead by a single point, and then they were behind by two points, and then they’d make up for it and lead the game again, but then the other team would strike back too. The uneasiness was starting to get to him. Mingyu was explosive on the court— his shots still precise amidst the adrenaline, his communication with his teammates perfectly coordinated, his defenses on full effort.

As soon as he got the ball in his hands again, he was running and running and running to the opposite side of the court. He had a few seconds left before the third quarter ended as he jumped and made a bold attempt for a three-point shoot. Everything was happening so fast, so rapidly. The ball entered the net, the crowd shouted loudly at the sight of it, and the bell rang a few seconds after signifying the end of the third quarter.

And Mingyu. Mingyu fell to the ground after landing the wrong way from his jump.

The pain quickly took over the adrenaline he was feeling, and soon after the agitation and anger came. A sprained ankle? Now? Mingyu heard the paramedics coming to check on him as he sat on the ground in pain. I could still play , Mingyu thought to himself. I’ll feel better in a few minutes.

Mingyu observed intently the expressions of the paramedics as they analyzed Mingyu’s ankle. He was being helped to sit at the bench nearby, and everyone started getting closer to know what would happen. His coaches, his teammates, and everyone observing from afar held their breath as they wondered what a sprained Kim Mingyu would mean to the game.

The paramedic looked at Mingyu apologetically. “You’d have to sit the next quarter out, Mingyu. You can’t play in this condition.”

Mingyu looked at his coach desperately. “No! I can do it, I swear, just give me a few moments to rest, then I’ll be—”

“Mingyu, it really does look severe.” His coach refuted with disappointment. He smiled sadly at Mingyu. “I’m so sorry, but I can tell you’re in a lot of pain. You’re my star player, this hurts me too, but I can’t let you injure yourself even more.”

“No it’s fine, coach!” Mingyu tried to argue. “This… this is my last game. I can give a little more—”

In his stubbornness, Mingyu tried to stand and walk, but the pain was too severe. His ankle gave out on him as soon as he stood, and everyone was assisting him to sit again. He felt so pathetic and helpless. “From the swelling, it’s looking like a really bad grade two ankle sprain… We really can’t let you play,” The paramedics explained.

Mingyu couldn’t process anything after that. The game continued to its fourth quarter. His teammates would sometimes sit beside him by the bleachers when they weren’t in the game. They tried to comfort him and keep him company. His coach would sometimes come by too, ask his opinion on what play they should do, involve him in the game still, but he could not process anything at all. It felt like Mingyu was merely floating by. Like this was a dream he wanted to desperately wake up from. Like this couldn’t possibly be real.

Years of collegiate basketball and this was how his last game ended.

He couldn’t even look at the audience where he knew his friends were sitting. He got them their tickets, so he knew where to smile whenever he scored. Yet by then, he felt like he had no face to show them. He didn’t want to see them pity him, too.

The game flashed by right in front of Mingyu, and without the team’s star player on the court, his university eventually lost. 

His team, obviously saddened by the loss, still seemed optimistic and positive. It was a good, enjoyable game regardless, and if this was Mingyu during his freshman year suffering this loss, he would’ve been bright and positive too. He would’ve been happy at the mere chance to play against such talented opponents. He would’ve been excited at the chance to do better in his future games.

But this was Mingyu’s last game. 

After this, he would graduate and face the world of employment, and he could still play in his free time, but it wouldn’t be the same. He knew it wouldn’t be.

His coach approached him with a wide smile. It helped Mingyu a little seeing that there was no hint of blame from his coach. It would have broken him otherwise. “We’re still celebrating at the diner near our campus for the graduating seniors. You have to be there, okay? Bring your friends along too.” His coach told him with a wide smile. “Don’t dwell on this too much, Mingyu. You did great! No one’s bummed out about it, okay?”

But Mingyu is . This was his last game, and he couldn’t even play until the end of it.

Still, he put on a bright smile for his coach. “Yeah, we’ll be there!” He said, trying to muster whatever positivity he had left. No point crying over spilt milk then.

His friends eventually came down to the court to go to Mingyu. He could tell they were also saddened by the turnout of events for him. As soon as Soonyoung saw him, he rushed over to hug Mingyu. “You did amazing, okay!” he said with a pout. Mingyu forced out a laugh. “I’m okay, guys! Why do you look like it’s you guys with a sprain? I’m fine, and the game was still fun, so don’t feel bad at all!”

Mingyu was not in the mood to be comforted, and they were all able to sense that pretty quickly. They all helped him get Mingyu’s things, and then they headed to the diner where all the players were celebrating.

Even everything then passed by in a blur for Mingyu. He would laugh when everyone else laughed. He smiled brightly when they took pictures. He brushed it off and told them he was fine whenever anyone would express sympathy. He did everything he could to still make it a pleasant night for everyone. His friends left earlier than he did, still needing to work on some finals requirements, but Mingyu held out a little longer to spend time with his team. Soon enough, he bid his coach and his teammates goodbye too, the exhaustion getting to him. 

When he was supposedly booking a cab back to his dorm, he didn’t know what took over him when instead, he placed the drop-off elsewhere. 

He had to get to his hideout.

It was a garden in a small, secluded area from the campus that had a small pond and a few benches. It was far from many of the buildings, and so students rarely went there. Most students likely did not know it existed. Mingyu didn’t really let others know about where it was, either, except for the one time he randomly mentioned it to Minghao in one of their conversations about food. There’s a small restaurant that sells the best kimbap here — Kimbap Master — it’s pretty far, though, Mingyu told Minghao. It’s near the garden I go to when I’m overwhelmed, like a little hideout. 

When Mingyu entered his garden, someone was already there.

“Minghao?”

The man sitting on the bench looked back. “Oh, you’re here too.”

Mingyu sat beside him on the bench and looked at him in confusion. “What are you doing here?”

Minghao shrugged. “I was on a night run to get my head off my finals exam. I just kinda got lost.”

Mingyu couldn’t help but smile. “I’m happy to see you here,” he said sincerely, then he averted his gaze from looking at Minghao to just spacing out at the view of the garden in front of them.

Minghao bumped Mingyu’s shoulders with his. “You were so cool in the game today.”

Mingyu forced out a small laugh. “Yeah?”

Minghao nodded enthusiastically. “You were amazing! Look, I have this really cool picture of you wait–” Minghao pulled out his phone, and Mingyu started to peek to check the picture. He couldn’t help but want to see himself in Minghao’s eyes, even if that game was something he wished to forget. As soon as Minghao opened his phone, the screen opened to his last opened app— Google Maps. He had the directions for the kimbap place open in his phone. 

Minghao didn’t get lost. He went to the garden knowing Mingyu was likely to come.

He quickly switched the app to his camera roll and showed Mingyu the picture. It’s true, he did look cool in that picture, but Mingyu couldn’t care less. The realization of Minghao’s arrival in his hideout was still dawning on him.

Mingyu looked at the picture, then back at Minghao fondly. “Thanks for coming to watch, Minghao.”

“I’ve been watching you since we were in high school. I would’ve done anything to watch your last collegiate basketball match!” Minghao said.

Mingyu couldn’t help but sigh. “It’s stupid. I should’ve been more careful. If I didn’t get injured, we would’ve won.”

“Hey, there’s nothing to regret. You took a leap of faith and that’s worth everything already.” Minghao affirmed him immediately. 

“I was supposed to get MVP, and I was supposed to give you my medal just like you gave me yours. If I wasn’t greedy, I wouldn’t have lost everything.” Mingyu started to ramble. Everything he had been keeping to himself was starting to spill and he had no clue how to make it stop. He didn’t know if it was because he was in his hideout, or it was because he’s with Minghao that he’s suddenly so vulnerable.

“Mingyu, if you weren’t greedy, you still could have lost, and you’d spend your whole life wondering what could've been if you just pushed a little harder.” Minghao told him. “You’re brave, Mingyu, that’s who you are. You keep going where anyone else would’ve stopped, that’s why you make it farther than everyone. That’s more than enough to be proud of.”

“Is that how you think of me?” Mingyu couldn’t help but ask. It’s one thing to indulge in the praise, but Mingyu was breaking Minghao’s sentences apart and cradling something else. All this time Mingyu thought his greed is what’s costing him— that if he got too greedy, he would lose Minghao just like he lost this basketball match.

“Yeah,” Minghao nodded to his question. “I don’t know why you’re suddenly so restrained these days. Like you’re afraid of crossing a line that isn’t there. Mingyu, what are you so afraid of?”

Mingyu was getting dizzy. This whole night had been so much for him, but one answer rang clear. I’m afraid of losing you, Minghao. I always have been. Mingyu’s thoughts ran on repeat. I have been chickening out of confessions on repeat because I wouldn’t know how to stop if I let myself admit I like you. I wouldn’t know how to stay away after I’ve felt how good it is to be close to you.

The words continued dying before they could leave Mingyu’s lips. He already suffered a defeat that night from being too greedy.

A defeat that, in Minghao’s eyes, was still a victory.

“Minghao, I’m gonna take another leap of faith, and I’m hoping this one works out this time. Will you let me?” Mingyu looked at Minghao earnestly, and Minghao looked back with subtle amusement before nodding.

If Mingyu couldn’t get the words out of his lips, then he would just have to make Minghao meet him halfway.

Mingyu placed his right hand on Minghao’s nape as he leaned down and closed the gap between them. He kissed Minghao’s lips softly, still wanting to be careful. Before Mingyu could let go of his grasp on Minghao and pull too far away, Minghao was already tugging at Mingyu’s shirt to pull him in closer. This time, Minghao kissed Mingyu eagerly. Mingyu easily melted into the kiss as they both found their rhythm.

To Mingyu, it felt like an invitation to be bold, and Mingyu was good at that.

His hands found their way to Minghao’s waist while one of Minghao’s hands was on the back of Mingyu’s head, another hand tugging Mingyu’s shirt to keep pulling him in. Mingyu matched, even exceeded, Minghao’s eagerness, kissing and biting Minghao’s lips. Minghao enjoyed the reaction he got from Mingyu, evident with the smile on his lips as they kept kissing.

Minghao was the first to pull away after minutes of kissing, but only to keep giggling as Mingyu started kissing the tip of nose, his forehead, each of his cheeks, the corner of his lips, and back to his lips. Minghao cupped Mingyu’s cheeks and looked at him.

“There you are, my brave boy,” Minghao said softly. “What took you so long?”

Mingyu smiled like he couldn’t help it. He was elated. He was ecstatic. It was nighttime yet he was so close to the sun and the warmth was filling him up in places he didn’t know he could feel. “Sorry, did I keep you waiting?”

“A while, yeah,” Minghao said with a giggle.

Mingyu shook his head in disagreement. “Not as long as I have.”

“Well then I guess we have to make up for lost time,” Minghao said, ending his sentence with another kiss.

Mingyu was having too much fun kissing Minghao. Minghao, who knew exactly what buttons to push when it came to Mingyu, also seemed to know right away how to make him feel good. Minghao who knew when to bite, when to smirk against Mingyu’s lips, when to make the softest sounds. Minghao who could make Mingyu faint in an instant.

The whole experience opened a Pandora's box for Mingyu and he could not stop. There was no need to.

“I like you, Minghao.” Mingyu said as soon as he pulled away. Every word said out loud felt like relief. “I like you so much that I’m scared I won’t be able to stop if you ask.”

“I like you, too, Mingyu.” Minghao said. He brought Mingyu’s face down so he could place a kiss on his forehead. “And I’m never gonna ask you to stop.” he added as he placed another kiss on Mingyu’s lips.