Chapter Text
Another end of the day brings the Matsunos to Chibita's oden stand, where they plan to stuff their faces, get piss drunk, and then once again not pay the bill.
They're working on the first, well on their way into the second. And Osomatsu in his drunkeness will not (cannot) shut his damn facehole.
"Choromatsu. Heeeeey choooromaatsu."
"Oh my god what?"
"What do you think our stripper names would be?"
"No."
"C'mon Choroooo this is important."
Choromatsu has his hands over his face, he is not drunk enough to tolerate this.
"Hmmm," Karamatsu ponders for a second before submitting his answer " I would probably be 'Blue Maestro', it's classy isn't it?"
"Naw," Osomatsu immediately shoots him down. "Your name is 'Glitter Dick'."
"But I don't want to be-"
"Silence, Glitter Dick. Choromatsu hasn't answered yet."
Choromatsu slid his hands down his face, asking god to give him strength.
"I'm not doing this with you Osomatsu."
"His stripper name is 'Kale Daddy'," Todomatsu pipes up from the end of the line.
Ichimatsu spits out the mouthfull of beer he was about to swallow.
He gathers his bearings after a bout of coughing caused by beer down the wrong pipe. And then-
"I'd be 'Pussy Monster'."
Choromatsu slams his head into the table. He doesn't fucking deserve this.
He vaguely registers Totty's entry of 'Pillow Prince'and Jyushimatsu's 'rhinoceros beetle' , while he tries to will his soul to leave his body.
"Well," Osomatsu says, "my stripper name would probably have to be...'Up Dog'."
Choromatsu crinkles his nose in confusion.
"....What's up dog?"
He realizes a millisecond to late and his brothers are thumping their hands on the table, hooting and hollering. Osomatsu highfives Ichimatsu over Choromatsu's head.
Quintuple Homicide has never looked so appealing to Choromatsu.