Work Text:
Shawn threw his car keys across the room. Weak. Tears formed in his eyes. It was pathetic, really, that he couldn’t even go two months without drinking. His eyes burned, and he let the tears fall down his cheeks. He turned his head to look at the bottle of whiskey he’d bought from the store.
It won’t kill you, Shawn. Go ahead. It’ll make you feel good again. Don’t you want that?
You can’t do that. You’ve been doing so well, Shawn. What would Kevin think?
“Shut up!” Shawn cried, a headache forming from the angel and devil on his shoulders. He wanted Kevin, wanted to feel his strong arms around him, keeping him away from anything that could hurt him.
But Kevin wasn’t there because Shawn promised him he’d be okay by himself, that he knew better, that he didn’t hate himself with every fiber of his being.
It’ll make the shame go away, Shawn. Just a sip.
No! You can’t do that! It’s never just one sip is it?
Shawn sniffed, walking over to the bottle with shaky steps.
You need it. You know what you’re like sober, you know you need to do this. The day will melt away.
Hunter had called, which wasn’t too unusual. He and Chyna often checked in with him, at least once a week, asking him about Raw or Kevin. However, Shawn’s apathy bit him in the ass when Hunter interpreted his depression as an unwillingness to talk to him, which wasn’t the case. Shawn begged and pleaded for Hunter to listen to him, but it fell on deaf ears. Hunter told Shawn that the only reason he was friends with him was because he wanted to get ahead, which…stung. The feeling of betrayal shocked him more than what Hunter had said, and he placed the phone back on the receiver slowly and grabbed his keys only a few moments later, which brought him to now.
Call him tomorrow and apologize for being so distant. He doesn’t mean that, he was just trying to hurt you.
Why apologize? He’s right. He’s better off without you, everyone is. Nobody would even go to your funeral.
Shawn grabbed the bottle, the brown liquid swirling inside like poison honey. He opened it and smelled the whiskey. It was the best thing he’d ever smelled, and the sound of the alcohol sloshing gently in the glass was like a siren song.
Call Kevin. He won’t mind. He told you to call, remember?
Kevin did tell him to check in, to ‘make sure you were still alive’ as he put it.
He would be really disappointed if you drank. All those nights sitting with you and holding you as you cried would be for nothing.
“Fuck!” Shawn exclaimed, throwing the bottle at the wall and watching it shatter. He sobbed, falling to the floor as he curled up and cried, his long hair falling around his head like a halo. “Mom?” He asked weakly. “Mom? Where are you?”
Look at that. A grown ass man crying for his mommy. How pathetic. She’s not here because you’re an embarrassment to her.
Shawn just cried harder. The devil was right, of course, but it didn’t soften the blow. He wanted her to wrap him up in her arms and make him some tea and tell him that she loved him like she used to when he was a kid, before he had ever tasted alcohol, before he started wrestling, before he injured his knee, before everything.
The smell of the whiskey wasn’t enticing anymore, and the longer Shawn inhaled it the more nauseous he became.
You can always call Kevin.
Shawn nodded despite the voice being in his head. Kevin would help. He always helped.
He pulled himself over to the phone, not having the energy to get up and walk. He grabbed the phone and receiver and dialed the number of the room Kevin gave him.
“Kevin? Are you there?” Shawn asked as the phone rang.
“Shawn?” Kevin asked through a yawn. “What’s goin’ on?”
Kevin’s voice put him at ease instantly, and Shawn collapsed the rest of the way onto the floor. “Kev,” he breathed, “did I wake you up?”
“No,” Kevin lied. “I’ve been awake. How are you? You seem a bit…off.”
“I-” Shawn paused, not knowing how much to tell his partner. “I didn’t drink.”
“Good!” He could see Kevin’s eyes light up on the other end, and it made him smile. “I’ll be back tomorrow evening, I think. Will you pick me up from the airport?”
He’s really asking if you’ll be sober enough to drive.
You will be, though. You didn’t relapse tonight. Of course you can!
“Uh, yeah, I’ll drive up around five, is that okay?”
“Mhm,” Kevin hummed. “Are you really okay? You sound like you’ve been crying.”
“Shit,” Shawn mumbled. “Um, it’s been a bit of a rough night, but I’ll be fine. I’ll tell you about it when you get back, alright? You need some sleep.”
Kevin yawned on the other end. “So do you, baby. I love you, okay?”
“I know,” Shawn said, “I love you too, darlin’. See you soon.”
“Night, Shawn,” Kevin said before the line cut out.
Shawn crawled to his feet and went upstairs, passing the shattered glass and booze covering the wall. He’d clean it tomorrow.