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Kevin smelled the alcohol the moment he stepped through the door. He knew Shawn had sounded a bit off the night before, and now he knew why…
…But Shawn was sober the night before, and when he’d picked him up, he wasn’t hungover in the slightest, and there was no taste of it on his lips. Maybe he dumped it down the sink? Shawn wouldn’t lie to him, couldn’t lie to him.
“I knew I forgot something!” Shawn exclaimed as soon as they’d walked through the door. Turning to Kevin, Shawn held his hands up defensively. “I can explain-”
“You promised me you wouldn’t drink,” Kevin said softly, turning the shorter man to face him. “Why?”
“I didn’t,” Shawn insisted. “I almost did. I…” He sighed, looking down, and Kevin could feel the shame radiating off of him.
“You can tell me, Shawn,” Kevin said. “Relapsing is normal.”
Shawn sniffed. “I threw it against the wall and didn’t have the energy to clean it. That’s why it smells.”
Kevin guessed from the tone of Shawn’s voice that he was mentally distancing himself, and that also meant that Kevin would have to bring him back.
“That’s why it smells like a damn brewery in here,” he mumbled. “Why don’t we clean it up together?”
Shawn shook his head. “I made the mess, I should clean it up.”
Kevin paused for a moment as he thought of the kindest way to convey his thoughts. “Shawn, I don’t really trust you around alcohol or the glass that’s probably around it. Let me clean it up and we can talk after, okay?”
Shawn looked a bit hurt but nodded and walked off, leaving Kevin to try to find the mess, which didn’t take long. The normally eggshell wall was covered in a transparent brown, and glass shards were surrounding an off-colored stain on the otherwise mahogany floor. “Shit,” Kevin mumbled.
He got a broom, dustpan, and mop and cleaned accordingly, humming a song that Scott had been listening to. It wasn’t like he didn’t trust Shawn, he figured. He was scared for Shawn. He knew Shawn wasn’t always in his right mind, and leaving him alone for more than a few hours was always a gamble, but he knew, he hoped, the rational side of his lover would prevail. He loved Shawn, he’d loved him since he first saw him, but it was hard loving someone who needed so much help. He was frustrated and tired, but so, so eager to help, and had so much love to give.
Shawn was hard to love, but goddamnit did Kevin love him.
He’d mopped up a good portion of whatever was on the ground when Shawn came up from behind and wrapped his arms around Kevin’s waist. “‘M sorry, Kev.”
Kevin’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “I told you it’s alright, Shawnie.”
He felt Shawn shake his head. “I shouldn’t have bought it in the first place.”
“Why did you?”
Shawn’s arms tightened as Kevin cleaned the remaining liquid off of the floor. “Me and Hunter got in a fight last night, and he said that he was just using me to get ahead. I got the whiskey because that’s the only way I know to take my mind off of it. I don’t even remember going to the store or coming back, but I just thought about how disappointed you would be if I drank again, and I just got so frustrated at myself I threw it before I could drink it. I cried for a while, then I remembered you said I could call you, so I did. I’m sorry I woke you up, but I really needed you.”
Kevin set the mop against the wall and turned to face Shawn. So he was telling the truth…
He grabbed the blond’s face in his hands. “Shawn?”
“I’m sorry for being so weak,” he whispered, so quiet that Kevin could barely hear. “I was weak.”
“Weak?” Kevin repeated. “No, baby, I’m proud of you.”
“Proud?” Shawn asked incredulously. “There’s nothing to be proud of.”
“You didn’t drink,” Kevin pointed out, “and you asked for help. That’s something a lot of people aren’t able to do.”
Shawn nodded. “I just…” he trailed off, burying his head in Kevin’s chest.
“You think you should be able to do it alone,” Kevin finished. Shawn hummed in agreement. “That’s bullshit. Everyone needs help, baby you were just brave enough to ask for it. I’m proud that you were strong enough to do that, and strong enough to resist the urge.” He kissed the top of Shawn’s head. “I love you, boytoy.”
“Love you too, darlin’.”
Kevin lifted Shawn into his arms with ease, carefully cradling his back and carrying him upstairs before laying down onto their bed. “I don’t know about you, but I need some cuddles.”
Shawn smiled. “I’ll always take some cuddles from you, big guy.” He laid his head on Kevin’s chest and threw an arm over his stomach. Shawn relaxed, a content sigh leaving his mouth as he wrapped his limbs around Kevin, who held him against his torso.
A comfortable silence filled their bedroom, and Kevin thought that Shawn had fallen asleep before hearing him speak.
“Thank you.”
“For what?” Kevin whispered back.
There was a beat of silence before Shawn whispered, “everything.”
Kevin laughed. “I’d do anything for you, baby. You know that.”
Kevin waited for an answer but Shawn was already asleep.