Work Text:
“-then you break up with him.”
“What? Why?”
“Because when he’s feeling his lowest, you pop the question and he goes from agony to ecstasy, it’s so romantic!” Claire sighed.
“You’re kidding, right?” Dear lord, why?
“Something a bit less dramatic?”
“Uh-yeah.”
“Okay, here’s what you do.” Claire put on a serious look. “You say, I went to the doctor and they found a small, dark mass. Then you pull out a ring box and there’s your small dark mass!”
“What are you?” Mitch asked, horrified.
Mitch was mulling over everything, he was about to meet Cam so they could go out to dinner, ignoring what she said about scaring Cam with a health issue. But…Cam did appreciate theatrics. Maybe he would like the fake-out breakup and if it goes wrong, blame Claire. As he arrived home and went to freshen up, he realized something. Cam could be planning to propose to him at the restaurant. There was only one feeble backup plan for later and as much as he wanted to say yes to Cam, he didn’t have as many romantic moments to work off of. And maybe this would be a hilarious story…right? RIGHT?!
I mean, he won’t hurt me over it. Mitch combed his hair nervously again, then he exited the bathroom. Cam was still in the bedroom, giving him time to think about how he would do this without Cam being angry. It would also not be too late to back out, but stubborn Pritchett as he was and determined to have romantic redemption on one of the most important moments of his life, he wasn’t thinking much about not taking Claire up on her offer. Seriously, what is she? I know how she told Phil about Haley and she was already throwing up before she even found out she was pregnant with Alex, but why these weird and twisted stories?
He heard Cam move to the bathroom as he sat on the couch, contemplating his choice that he felt he couldn’t back down from now. He was sure that Cam was getting help with setup too and knowing Cam, it was going to be more amazing than a last ditch effort. It would be beautiful, wonderful, probably stealing Mitch’s breath away like he did the first time they kissed. Exhilarating. And so very destructive of any plan I could ever hope to make.
“Ready?” Cam asked. Mitch jumped. “Mitchell?”
“Yes, um, ah…actually, could we take a moment?” Mitch asked, patting the couch cushion.
“Uh, I actually made reservations, don’t want them to book our table.” Cam said nervously. No no no no, don’t propose, please! I have a plan! “Is it something we can talk about later?”
“No. It’s pretty important.”
Cam sat on the couch and Mitch exhaled shakily. “Uh…I’ve been thinking about something. It’s uh-I really wanted to um-where’s Lily?”
“I dropped her off at your dad’s.”
“Right, um, well-” Is it too late to back out and go to that restaurant? I can stall.
“Mitchell, I don’t want anything crazy for a proposal, but I was hoping we could use a little bit of romantic vibes. We’re just in our living room like any other day.”
“I’m not exactly down on one knee right now, Cam. Um, I was thinking about us and I don’t-” Don’t say it. Don’t say it. This is stupid. Absolutely, monumentally, CATASTROPHICALLY STUPID! “I don’t want to be your boyfriend anymore.”
Cam’s face fell, he looked like he’d been clubbed in the head. Mitch was trying to maintain his facade for as long as he could. He was used to putting on the mask of indifference, but with Cam it had always been different. He never needed that mask. Never needed to lie to Cam, never wanted to hurt him. Cam was always there for him and Mitch only needed to look at Cam’s face to tell he wasn’t lying or tricking him. Which is why Mitch was staring at his kneecaps instead of his partner.
“…what?” Cam said weakly. “Mitchell, what-what do you mean by that?” Please tell me this is a lame joke. He cannot possibly be breaking up with me…could he?
“I don’t think we should be boyfriends anymore.” Mitch repeated softly.
“Mitchell, I-I don’t understand…did I do something?”
Oh shit. “No, I just think that-”
“Why didn’t you talk to me? Mitchell, why won’t you look at me? Could you at least look at me when you’re breaking up with me?”
Agony to ecstasy? Mitch looked at Cam, feeling like an utter asshole at the devastated look on Cam’s face. “I-I-I only meant because we um-we would be-we-” Mitch’s voice caught, he was digging himself a deeper hole.
“I just want to know why. I was going to try to propose to you tonight at the restaurant.” Cam said emotionally. That piled onto the shithead guilt Mitch felt. Cam had to reveal his plan because he thought they were breaking up. “I thought it was a ring box, not teas. I just thought the location wasn’t very good. I would’ve taken us on the couch over that. I mean, you’d be upset if I proposed at a fast food place.”
That was true, but Mitch lacked the sass to remark about that. His tongue was currently glued to the roof of his mouth and his entire being was trying not to shake with nerves and his absolute moronic job of trying to implement Claire’s suggestion which had been awful and dumb in the first place. Even if executed properly, Cam probably wouldn’t laugh. He would cry…like he’s doing right now. Cam sniffled, waiting for any type of response from Mitch.
“Cameron…I-I love you…”
“But?”
“I-I think we should be…something else.” When does this train wreck stop?
“Mitchell, I love you, I just want to know why. And why you felt you couldn’t talk to me.” Driving the guilt further like a knife in his heart, his stomach twisted and so did the ‘knife’. Actually, he felt sick. He stood up shakily. Cam followed suit. “I should call and cancel the reservations.”
“No!” Mitch said, his anxiety spiking. “Cam, no. Please, we-we can still have dinner.”
“A romantic dinner when you’ve just broken up with me would be rather awkward, don’t you think?” He took out his phone and Mitch swiped it. “Mitchell! What’s going on with you today? I’m sorry to demand an answer, but at this point I think I deserve-why are you turning red?”
“Because…I’m…a…massive…idiot.” Mitch’s facade was cracking. He breathed shakily.
“I’m confused, are you-do you need me to take you to a hospital? Are you having some sort of breakdown?” Are you actually trying to break up with me?
“Husbands-not boyfriends-and this was Claire’s dumbass idea to go from agony to ecstasy and it was better than the dark mass, okay?!” Mitch blurted out before running to the bathroom, his face beet red from what was presumably embarrassment.
The gears were turning in Cam’s head. It hit him all at once when he heard Mitch groaning in agony in the bathroom. Cam wanted to feel relieved, but he was a bit put out because he did have reservations and they were going to be late, but this had just been an emotional rollercoaster. He sat back down for a moment and went over it again.
Okay, husbands instead of boyfriends. If not for the awful execution, that would’ve been clever. Claire’s dumbass idea. Definitely heard that, but he has my phone, so I can’t contact her and ask her why she didn’t at least polish this idea with him-wait, agony to ecstasy? She wanted him to fake breakup…I wish I had my phone right now-oh wait, house phone.
Cam dialed the number and got Haley. “Hey, could you put your mom on the phone.” He said sweetly. Haley said ‘oh boy’ at his tone and gave Claire the phone, not telling her who it was.
“Hello?”
“Claire.”
“You sound pissed, what happened?”
“You. You happened ‘agony to ecstasy’ like what the hell does that even mean?!”
“Holy…no, he didn’t. He did not. Oh my god…”
“He did, Claire. I don’t know how it was supposed to go, but he fumbled it worse than last year’s superbowl.”
“Shit. Where is he now?”
“In the bathroom with both our cellphones. I had a restaurant reservation, you know? I was prepared to cancel it and try to talk out this possible breakup without knowing why. Why the hell didn’t you at least try to iron out this horrible joke into something more palatable that I can jokingly hate you for later?”
“I didn’t think he’d do it!” Claire said defensively. “He hated my suggestions.”
“What was the ‘dark mass’ suggestion?”
Claire sighed. “That he’d gone to the doctor, found a dark mass and it was a ring.”
“Jesus…that’s messed up, Claire.”
“It is, I know, I’m sorry! Why don’t I call him and-?”
“No. No, I will.”
“Cam, it was never meant with any malice.”
“I know. Doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt, that I thought he was breaking up with me without so much as a reason. That I thought…I thought I pushed away the love of my life like I did all my other relationships. One of them did ghost me without a note or a call.”
“Cam, I-I didn’t know…”
“I’ve been heartbroken before. I’ve been devastated, broken, given up on, and each time I got back up. Each time I just brushed myself off and kept going. None of them were Mitchell. None of them felt more than utter heartbreak. This wouldn’t have been utter heartbreak and devastation. This would’ve killed me and I know…I know it sounds like I’m exaggerating, but I-I’d never have found anyone else. He is my everything.”
“Cam-”
Cam hung up, shaking. He heard a sob behind him and turned to see Mitch trembling from head to toe, his body fighting the urge to hug Cam. Cam stared at him for a minute as he cried his mouth opening and closing as he tried to speak. Cam stepped forward and Mitch flinched, his eyes snapping shut. He flinched again, more visibly, as he felt Cam’s hands on his cheeks and started gasping for air.
“Breathe.” Cam said. Mitch shook his head. “Mitchell, we can’t talk if you don’t breathe.” Mitch wheezed, now not inhaling at all. “Shit.”
Cam picked him up and brought him to the bedroom, then ran to the bathroom to find Mitch’s inhaler. He came back to see Mitch clutching his chest. Cam put the inhaler in his mouth and told him to try to breathe. The first spray was light and Mitch coughed. Then the second spray was better. Then the third. Due to not wanting to give him arrhythmia, Cam didn’t give him any more. Mitch’s eyes were open, staring at him in fear.
“I’m not hurting you as ‘punishment’. I’m not going to hurt you, Mitchell.”
“I’m…sorry…”
“I know you are.” Cam stood up and heard Mitch’s hand hit the bed. He’d tried to reach for Cam. “Give me a minute.”
He took his phone back and went to the kitchen. Mitch heard him on the phone with someone, then Cam came back with two glasses of water. He helped Mitch sit up so he could drink water. Cam smoothed the ginger hair down.
“Who-?”
“I told the restaurant we were having some difficulties and said that if we didn’t get there by eight, they could cancel the reservation.”
“Screwed up…”
“Well, it’s definitely a wrench in the plans and a bit of a dick move. Did you mean for it to go so far?” Mitch shook his head. “If you were going to go for the whole ‘change the name of our relationship’ angle, you could’ve used more than ten minutes in the bathroom to do it that didn’t involve a poor fake break up and barely being able to speak.”
Mitch inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. “I know. I should’ve listened to my gut feeling screaming at me not to do it and that Claire’s insane. I sooner should’ve asked Pepper.”
“Pepper would make it insanely fancy, but at least he would’ve helped you practice how to do it in a way that didn’t hurt so badly.”
“I heard. Would you-would you really have not been okay if we broke up?”
“If it was a normal manner and we talked, figuring out we just couldn’t anymore, then I eventually maybe could be. But like this? No. I worried that you thought you had to run. Run from everything. You don’t have to, Mitchell.” Mitch shakily took his hand and Cam drew him close. “I forgive you. Not accepting this as a proposal, but I forgive you.”
“I wouldn’t.” Mitch mumbled.
“Which one?”
“Either.”
Cam chuckled. “Now that’s just silly. You were trying something new, albeit moronic.”
“Already know that, don’t have to rub it in.”
“Ah, but I think you somewhat like it when I do.” Cam whispered.
“Do not.”
“Now, you’re just lying to both of us.” Cam said, kissing him. “Let’s get you fixed up for dinner, shall we? I think the proposal mood’s dampened, but I would still like to show you where I’m taking you.”
“Okay.”
They went out to the restaurant and had a nice dinner. They talked more about ideal proposals and expressed that they both wanted to. They came to the idea that Mitch could do it first-correctly-and then Cam could propose after. Stomachs full and minds reeling from the entire day, mostly their proposal conversations, they drove home.
BANG
“Oh, we blew a tire.” Mitch said.
“Well, we got a spare, do we have the tools?”
“Yep, in the pillowcase.”
“My gosh, we have a whole system, this has happened to us so many times…” Cam laughed. Mitch chuckled and nodded. “Alright, monkey wrench.”
“Yes, sir.”
Cam took the old tire off and put the new one on, then stood up to stretch. “Ooh, that feels good.” He looked around. “Oh wow.”
Mitch looked out over the city. “Yeah, it’s…wow.”
“Certainly a different world out there than it was this morning.”
Mitch nodded. “Cam-Cam, the tire!”
Cam swiped for it, but missed. Then they both laughed. “It’s gonna be a new world for the people who live down there. Hey, free tire swing though!”
Cam walked to the side of the car and looked at Mitch who was thoughtful. “Hey, do you remember our first apartment together?”
“Where we had sexual activity for the first time? Yeah, I think I remember it. Why do you ask?”
Mitch laughed. “Just…the stars, it’s us and it just felt like a new world. Something absolutely new, wild, and beautiful…like today was supposed to be.” He shook his head. “I’ll try not to beat myself up about it too much. Let’s switch gears-” Cam snorted. “That was unintentional. Remember Yosemite and it snowed so bad?”
“Gosh, yeah, what was that five years ago or something?” Cam asked.
“Longer. Before Lily. Actually, I think that’s the first time we were seriously talking about having kids. We should go again with Lily.”
“We should…but first, let’s get this show on the road.”
“Right. Let’s do this.”
They knelt down and prepared to fix the tire, then made eye contact and one question formed in both of their minds at that moment. But oddly, it felt like they’d already asked and they were just awaiting a response.
“Yes.” They said in unison, smiling at each other. They finished fixing the tire and stood up. Cam kissed him.
“I’m accepting this proposal.” Cam whispered.
“As am I. Beats anything else I could come up with. Guess our car was sick of waiting too.”
Cam shook his head and kissed him again. Mitch kissed him back, pushing him on the side of the car as it got more passionate. They heard a honk as a driver passed by. Mitch blushed and they both giggled. Then they drove home.